"Provider men" content is deeply infantilizing to women and misogynistic

ConstipatedAvocado · 2025-10-12T13:27:31+00:00

LOL the women here are gonna run interference and say its all online and none of it is happening in real life.

I think you make an interesting point but it actually moves beyond the scope of provision and long term mating strategy and actually figures into every aspect of male-female gender dynamics. Women are just not playing by any set of rules anymore. I went out last night and wingmanned for my friend. I noticed the same thing I noticed the last few times I was out, the complete lack of willingness women had to engage. Even my friend picked up on it, absolutely no one seemed willing to engage in conversation. When I did, it was like drawing blood from stone. And weirder still, when I disengaged and started to express a lack of interests...they would almost seem slightly offended I didnt desperately try to win their approval. And the rest of the club (on a very busy saturday night I might add), I dont think I saw a single guy approach a woman, this is markedly different from what I remember it being like in my early twenties a decade ago.

EDIT: Credit to u/Training-Cook3507 because I feel he's also made this point quite eloquently:

But in real life, in my experience, this is what feminism has turned into. It's just the inverse of the men's rights movement with one convoluted argument after another about why women should get every advantage and anything they want. They want to have every opportunity, AND have the man be the provider. And if they choose not to pursue a career themselves and have the man be the provider, that's fine, because that's her choice. The idea of feminism being truly about equality seems long gone, or at least confined to a smaller and smaller movement of dedicated people.

The fact that not a single women in here has chosen to engage with the premise of your thread critically and instead just reduce it to your algorithm really says everything to me. We're increasingly siloed and many of those sides are not even remotely willing to see things from the others point of view. Its shockingly bad now and that has now spilled into the real world. Again, just using the example I mentioned earlier, another thing I picked up from the night out I had was just how...white the club was. This is a venue smack bang in the middle of one of the most diverse cities in Europe and yet there were hardly any female clientele of colour. This just speaks more to how divided I've noticed a lot of things are becoming. People are increasingly shuffling to their "safe spaces" and, in those spaces, prevailing thought is no longer treated with the critical lense it should be. Hence you have feminists preaching about equality and then espousing tradwife expectations, Trump supporters voting for the party of small government whilst spouting nonsensical slogans like "hands off my medicaid", anti-immigration types who also expect cheap goods and free healthcare, ethnic/religious minorities who cry about persecution whilst herdng off to inner city enclaves. Its happening everywhere.

middleoftheroad133 · 2025-10-12T19:52:06+00:00

Im going to disagree with the other women here. I think this is a very real want (for some women) on and offline and women are gaslighting OP a bit by pretending no women want this

While some of the "stay in your feminine energy stuff is clearly intended to be dramatic the reality is that heterosexual people like their respective partners to act like a man or woman sometimes. And women like men who help him feel feminine by taking care of more masculine tasks

The provider conversation is triggering for a lot of people because well most men don't make enough and will be excluded if this is the standard, that doesn't change the reality that money is literally an 'investment in you' and most men who care about you will be willing to invest in you in that way

wtknight · 2025-10-12T16:21:59+00:00

I don't think that it's infantilizing at all. It's just reality. There are basically three things that a woman can provide to make a man want to stay with her in monogamous faith:

A provision of resources (egalitarian financial relationship)
Consistent, satisfying sex
Domestic provision (having children and taking care of them and/or doing housework)

A woman who does none of these things is not going to get a relationship with these men. A man who is married to a woman who does not provide one of these things will not be happy, as well, and the only thing likely keeping him in said marriage is a fear of losing assets in a divorce.

Yes, men can also get friendship from their partners, but they don't really need it. Men can find friendship from other men. Emotional support may factor in, but I don't think that it is enough to keep a man in a relationship alone.

A woman who hopes to be in a relationship with any man is going to have to provide one of these things, and I don't think that one of them is inherently more demeaning than the other. A woman who doesn't earn her own money is more likely to be controlled, of course, but I don't think that it's any more demeaning if she chooses to only be at home or even if she chooses just to have sex with a given man. She's providing him with something that he wants and is getting something in return, and this is just how all non-familial relationships work.

Training-Cook3507 · 2025-10-12T12:41:48+00:00

Should your essay be directed towards women? They control the narrative. If women don't want men to provide, men won't care. Sure, there may always be very conservative enclaves where they seek very traditional roles, but at the end of the day women are usually the gatekeepers of relationships and if they don't want this, men won't care.

But in real life, in my experience, this is what feminism has turned into. It's just the inverse of the men's rights movement with one convoluted argument after another about why women should get every advantage and anything they want. They want to have every opportunity, AND have the man be the provider. And if they choose not to pursue a career themselves and have the man be the provider, that's fine, because that's her choice. The idea of feminism being truly about equality seems long gone, or at least confined to a smaller and smaller movement of dedicated people.

I mean you can literally see this idea in your post. Your title puts women as the victim, but women can fix this if they desire. A true feminist would put it on women to change the narrative themselves, not blame men because things don't turn out exactly as they desire.

Illustrious_Wish_383 · 2025-10-14T01:56:39+00:00

If she unironically utters the phrase "fEmInInE eNeRgY" I'm turning around and walking the fuck away. Get outta here with that new age woo woo bullshit.

Kingcrow33 · 2025-10-12T14:29:31+00:00

Kinda funny how you talk exclusively about how this hurts women.

DietTyrone · 2025-10-12T15:52:21+00:00

Glad more people are calling out how feminists keep pushing gender roles on men specifically. Really highlights the hypocrisy.

Spyro7x3 · 2025-10-12T19:38:46+00:00

You’re displaying N interesting leftist pattern that I’ve noticed which is upon discovering something you disagree first “it doesn’t exist” then when more people start talking about it “it only exists in misogynistic weirdo circles” then when it’s truly mainstream and undeniable and you have shows like Whatever podcast taking in millions upon millions of views interviewing thousands of women who display the exact stereotypes that the “weirdos” talked about you move to the final position “it’s the algorithm/grifters/russia”.

You need to just admit that men have woken up. It’s over feminists

half_avocado33 · 2025-10-12T10:18:57+00:00

Again, online. Again, anyone can be anything online. Sometimes it's men pretending to be women, sometimes it's bots, sometimes it's people from all over the world, or people in your area but from different cultures.

TikTok throws you in a bubble iness than 20 video scrolls. Also, tends to prioritize scandalous content in order to keep you on the platform. Not to mention that it's one of the shadiest platforms.

You and your friend fell for the algorithm, just like many others. It's not normal to have the entire feed with just one subject and one view. This is indoctrination.

Feminism means equal rights, opportunities and freedom. Not who pays for what.

Equivalent_Dance2278 · 2025-10-12T10:57:17+00:00

This is always the problems with viewing online numbers and drawing conclusions. Even 1 million views is not really much in the bigger scheme of things. His algorithm led him there. But so did all the other followers, and commenters. So you end up with this group of people all looking at the same posts and thinking “ooo, see so many people think like me, so it must be true.” When there are 100 million people looking and thinking something completely opposite.

And anyone who mocks algorithms and thinks it isn’t important, is in complete denial. It’s designed by scientists and coders and psychologists and marketers, for control. And the more you follow a subject, the more you are locked in. We are the product.

CerealExprmntz · 2025-10-14T13:02:47+00:00

Misogyny? It's pure misandry. Good Lord, people who think like this are the worst.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-10-12T10:14:56+00:00

I applaud your work promoting partnership between men and women. But I think you need to move deeper in your understanding of the dynamics at work. There are real evolved instincts at play that are highly gendered. Nothing is simple here. It's far from clear exactly how much female progress has been made. It's a mixed bag. We haven't 'solved' all this by any means. It's not clear that eliminating all socially enforced gender expectations so that everyone can just be who they are and sort out things on an individual level is the 'promised land' we should all be working towards.

And even if it is, it isn't clear that straight propagandizing to tell everyone the innate impulses are not real--it is all culture--would be the best way to get there.

alreadydark · 2025-10-12T12:17:36+00:00

None of it is real. These women who claim to be tradwifes are working jobs. They're content creators. They're selling the dream that you get to sit at home and be pretty, then go frolic in the grass with your children when you're bored, while your husband does everything else. I think this dream is being sold to immature women who aren't ready to grow up

"if he doesn't, you're not his dream girl".

And yeah. This is definitely toxic. I wasn't on social media for a really long time. Then I started getting more online around 2023 (when this trad stuff started going viral, I think). It had literally never once occurred to me that a man not buying me things or paying for me is a reflection of how they see me, but I started worrying about it then.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-10-12T18:31:55+00:00

and are these people youre talkign about african american and the women on the feed african american?

xxTheMagicBulleT · 2025-10-14T02:35:35+00:00

Its gaslighting if you're trying to say that there are not plenty of women online and online pushing that rhetoric.

Like saying cause you don't believe in men should be paying for first dates. Don't change most women do.

And its clear gaslighting that if there is a hard push for men to do traditional gender roles but at the same time there is a big push to remove most gender roles from women by society.

Why many people are directly not interested or don't value relationships as highly anymore.

Cause the simple fact. If value and efforts is not put on both sides. You become unworthy of it.

Misogyny. Is basically a meaningless word. That i doubt even half the people actual know what it really means. Cause its used as a word I don't agree so misogyny. While it means hate or contempt for women. While I see a lot more misssandry. Going on so the hate or contempt for men. Then the reverse but treat people bad or as disposable. Yea its gonna make people before against or wanna treat you the same way.

People often dont understand reciprocation.

So people wanna scream people should care. Should be for all that groups right and feelings. But if they don't care for other groups right or feelings and always down plays your why would people ever care about your rights or feelings.

And most issues in the world gender or otherwise go by simple. Why should anyone care about you. If you time and time again show you care about no one but your self.

When you ask more then you ever willing to give. Is when its normal that no one cares about you. That does not mean people hate women. It just means they don't care or wanna spend any time or effort on selfish people.

Thats the whole gender war and a lot of other issues too. Simple why should anyone care about your side when your side shows time and time again you care about no one but your self. Of you can't care or love anyone beside your self why should anyone ever care about you or love you.

Its in many ways quite easy. And thats the same with gender roles. Of one has to fulfill there traditional role. But one does not. I find it bullshit. If you take more then you give you deserve to be clowned around with. Its just that simple.

If effort and burden of performance is not equal. So one does this and other does that. Where both sides uplifting each other in different ways. If that does not happen your not really a partner your a burden. And saying that is not ani women or anti men. Its state a simple fact. If you demand people to give and give so you can gain and take and take. But you find excuses to not put the same standards on your self you demand of others. You are undeserving of love and people's loyalty. What is a flat genderless and background less statement cause the people and gender are interchangeable of that flat fact of that outcome.

Lower-Director1043 · 2025-10-14T19:32:20+00:00

Local man realizes women are the biggest hypocrites on this planet.

Siukslinis_acc · 2025-10-12T14:03:34+00:00

I think the "provider man" concept is more misandrist. Woman is the household manager and mans whole purpose is to provide money. The man gives all the money to the woman and woman gives some of the money to the man as an allowance. Heck, some workplaces only gave the salary to the wife as the man wasn't trusted not to drink/gamble away all of the money before it reaches the household.

Basically the man is treated like a child whose only purpose is to provide money.

KayRay1994 · 2025-10-12T12:42:45+00:00

I think we have a solid understanding of how the internet forms and messes women’s view of their selves and their self image (we have tons of data for this) and given that kind of negative impact the intent has, as well as how many men’s povs and behaviours have changed the past few years - especially given this change’s prevalence correlating with harmful content becoming more normalized, its safe to say the impact of social media and online algorithms on the psychology of young men may have been neglected - cause so much of this, the RP, the BP, the ‘provider’ stuff and so on are all born of these algorithms constantly feeding toxic content to men. The problem is this behaviour doesn’t just harm them, but it also causes external harm too

s0ngsforthedeaf · 2025-10-12T14:12:09+00:00

If you are 'trad', you better hate the ever living fuck out of capitalism - eespecially the psycho deregulated American kind.

Your ruling class have destroyed wages and the job market, and removed the housing supply. So 'raising a family's on a single income' is now a laughable idea (unless you are mid level in tech/finance/engineering or something shit).

How wife be trad when no money? Wife need work! But then wife no trad. Trad man......sad...

Competitive_Swan_130 · 2025-10-12T10:09:17+00:00

I'm more concerned that you had the time/ability to ensure the gender of over 500k people in the comments.

And maybe your friends wife think's he's less of a man because he's basing his self worth on a trend on tiktok and not real life. That's not adult like so its inherently non manly.

Certain_Process_7657 · 2025-10-12T16:33:46+00:00

Sounds like the man is just pissed his wife isn't giving him regular sex. Dudes who are consistently getting their dicks sucked don't typically make such complaints.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2025-10-12T13:04:53+00:00

seeing them coming from feminists is really troubling.

This only happens if you have an ideolized version of feminism. Real practical feminism have aways about giving more to women while also removing more of their responsibilities.

The final result of feminism is government sanctioned Findom.

SexCrispies · 2025-10-12T13:01:03+00:00

He admitted to me that he feels that his wife doesn't "truly" desire him because he doesn't provide, and she's not in her "feminine energy".

People feel a lot of things and feelings are fleeting and not a representation of reality. Don't trust what you feel. If he doesn't talk with her about that and gets it from her mouth, I don't think that is a basis for us to discuss or him to be convinced of.

Social media shows people what gets them emotionally involved, mostly negative, like insecurity, fears, anger, envy, etc. That is what gets engagement and therefore that is what gets produced. Forget social media, it will only make you more insecure, angry, envious, etc. and is not a representation of reality. Likes and comment can and will be bots.

RahLyt · 2025-10-12T10:27:20+00:00

Too late lol. You missed a whole generation of modern women being brainwashed by social media.

lol keep digging and see how deep it goes..

TotalTravesty · 2025-10-12T12:38:03+00:00

Isn’t a comment section that’s full of the same generic replies of affirmation a sign of bot activity?

Also, it’s a well-established fact that anyone talking about “feminine energy” and “masculine energy” is speaking from within their rectal cavity. If your friend’s wife believes in that then I’m sorry to say your friend married a dumbass and has bigger problems than what she sees on TikTok.

I swear, internet illiteracy will doom more people than any actual personality flaws or relationship conflicts.

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Main-Tiger8537 · 2025-10-12T10:54:38+00:00

tradcon vs redpill

id say many people in society fail at living up to the "established" standards = are hypocrits but most of said influencers are just grifters...

that said our society values freedom of choice and that includes consenting to conservative lifestyles and their nuclear family gender role structure... if you say we have to dismantle/smash patriarchy evaluated/based on statistical parity or in other words equal outcomes -> you have to eliminate freedom of choice + conservatism...

btw what makes you a feminist gets defined differently from person to person... some say all women who believe in equality are feminists... some say you are just a feminists if you want to liberate women...

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-10-12T16:22:26+00:00

Fantasies are often stupid and counterproductive, yes. As are rage bait

Minute-Ad-7133 · 2025-10-13T08:26:52+00:00

It is

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-10-16T12:49:56+00:00

Yeah content from hurt people are like that, it being told by a man or a woman don't matter that much

GrassStatusTouched · 2025-10-20T00:10:15+00:00

Benevolent sexism is financially, socially advantageous to women so why wouldn’t they push it? Ethics? Lol. Consistency is the bogeyman of small minds, as they say.

I feel your distress OP, but you are an island of moral and intellectual rigor in a vast sea of hypocrits, moral midgets, narcissists, IQlets and so on. That’s the actual problem that you have yet to face. Not the fact that a socially convenient movement became popular in spite of its obvious immorality. If that type of thing never happened the 20th century would not have been rife with dictatorships and death camps. Reverse sexism is not even a blip on the radar

It bothers me from time to time as well but if you have to choose between an isolated lonely homo sapiens vs being a comfy emotionally satiated Eloi surrounded by billions of equally slackjawed vacuous friends and lovers, i readily choose the former

PuzzleheadedJob4413 · 2025-10-21T06:30:51+00:00

You're entirely correct - These view are deeply patriarchal. And you've stumbled upon something quite intriguing. These people build their ideas on patriarchy, on the women as passive, and the male as active and agentic. It's essentially framed through the lens of female passivity; inactivity; and, to use Simone De Beauvoir's term, immanence - With men as the "transcendental God" whom is beyond women's comprehension, taking on the role of a Messiah figure bringing his gifts upon the passive and fragile woman. In feminist literature, this is known as "benevolent sexism" and is far more insidious and damaging than active and hostile sexism for the simple reason that even self-declared feminists fall for it, contributing to the long-term reproduction of patriarchy.

It's in my experience one reason why many egalitarian men end up opposing feminism, because this is the view and acquisition they've acquired on what feminists believe; in a word, that feminists are just as patriarchal as the people they claim to oppose. That feminists are in practice not against patriarchy, but utilize it from a machiavellian perspective to maximize their own benefit at men's expense. With this in mind, It's not exactly surprising that the manosphere has grown in popularity now, is it?

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-10-12T13:00:36+00:00

Although I do think you’re overreacting a bit here, I’m not going to dismiss this like most of the comments here. Because I do come across this type of content pretty frequently and do think it’s insidious.

As a disclaimer, some of my interests (like Jungian psychology) make me more likely than most to come across some poorly understood takes on “masculine and feminine energy” and spirituality in general. But I’ve been noticing this feminist or new age gal to tradwife/right wing pipeline for a while now, by way of “feminine energy” content creators. I don’t think this is always the intention at all, but with our current sociopolitical climate, it’s worth discussing imo.

It’s a bad take because a lot of problems actually result from men not embracing their feminine “energy” and women not embracing their masculine “energy.” So to interpret these concepts as men always needing to be “in their masculine” and women “in their feminine” instead of everyone needing to embrace both sides of themselves, is quite harmful. All it leads to is regressive gender roles, people being toxic to each other, and feeling inadequate as a man/woman.

Now in one sense, I definitely see where some of these people are coming from on “women usually do a lot more parenting and work at home, so men need to pick up the slack by bringing home a paycheck.” However, I don’t think we need to be reinforcing strict gender roles with this “masculine and feminine energy” stuff in order to discuss fair labor distribution, it’s quite counterproductive.

FuuraKafu · 2025-10-12T10:48:20+00:00

and I'm trying to figure out if this content is actually just masked kink content?

Our entire civilization is just masked kink content lol

mrcs84usn · 2025-10-12T10:58:08+00:00

So when does right wing become “ultra?”

Also, this is a common gripe about feminist ideology. Women having choice is great…until a woman -wants- to be barefoot and pregnant.

I’ve also seen my share of videos of women confessing that they have feminist viewpoints, but when they go on a few dates with traditional men, they “reset to factory settings.” Normally it doesn’t last long because of different values ultimately creating too much ideological conflict, but it is interesting hearing those stories.

oppositegeneva · 2025-10-12T13:18:44+00:00

it's essentially impossible to live a comfortable lifestyle on one income in most developed areas.

Essentially impossible? This is simply not true

kvakerok_v2 · 2025-10-12T11:23:05+00:00

Tiktok brain rot strikes again.

--r2 · 2025-10-12T22:50:49+00:00

The traditional model works well in many ways when combined with respect

...and a high earning and stable man.

Findol272 · 2025-10-12T11:16:36+00:00

This is quite unhinged.

I nearly slapped him for having viewpoints I would have always considered ultra right wing and misogynistic

You wanted to slap your friend? And thinking skme women want men to be providers is "ultra right wing" and "misogynistic"? What? It's such a mundane and uncontroversial fact that I struggle to understand even how you could come to that conclusion. And it's misogynistic? Wouldn't it be the opposite of misogyny?

They all claim to come from a feminist lens. The justification was very loosely wrapped in the unequal distribution of household labor between men and women.

So it's the opposite of misogyny, actually, right?

I found this really disturbing.

It's all extremely basic low level gender role stuff. Men have high pressures to be productive and earn a good living to "deserve" a partner. This is unsurprising and mundane for anyone that's ever talked to people.

certain provider dynamics definitely make sense for a lot of people

Yet you were ready to slap your friend for uttering this and you consider it ultra right wing?

the economy has moved on

Yes, but the gender norms haven't. Expectations on women have greatly changed, the ones on men have become even more stringent. And also, even if the economic and material conditions are different, it doesn't mean that these norms somehow disappear. You just get a bunch of women in a relationship with men they don't consider "real men" because they can't fully provide, and this creates some dysfunctional relationships, especially sexually.

alotofironsinthefire · 2025-10-12T13:22:17+00:00

It's like 90% of tiktok activity bot driven?

EsotericRonin · 2025-10-12T15:05:04+00:00

Sure if progress means “become more like men.”

Title	"Provider men" content is deeply infantilizing to women and misogynistic
Author	BeMoreKinky
Upvotes	40
Comments	169
Date	October 12, 2025 10:02 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1o4l7l3/provider_men_content_is_deeply_infantilizing_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/provider-men-content-is-deeply-infantilizing-to.1563953 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563953

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