“Trust But Verify” paternity tests are bs because most men would never want a woman that’s always paranoid of cheating.

firetrap2 · 2025-06-11T06:41:01+00:00

The largest study on non paternal parents was done in Sweden though tests of blood samples in their systems. Turns out about 1 in 50 men are not the father.

If 1 in 50 babies were being mixed up by hospitals they'd be a better system put in place. It doesn't mean you hate the Drs or the Nurse's. It's just no one wants to raise a child that isn't their own unless they know before hand and are actively making that choice.

There's nothing wrong with someone saying that "just trust me" isn't enough. the reason we have marriage is because men who say "just trust me" to women abandon them and the women then have no recourse for support and are left holding the baby. That doesn't mean that Women don't trust their husbands it means their husbands are proving they can be trusted.

Honest women should be pro DNA tests, it makes them look high value and it makes everyone else look like a cheating slut. It looks sketchy when a guy won't marry a women who he wants to have kids with and it looks sketchy when a woman is adamant about being anti DNA test.

EDIT*

Also If there was a national DNA database and every child that was born was put on there and matched to their parents that'd solve both issues. The husband is on the DNA database with 2 other kids that aren't the wife's would solve the "secret second family" issue. As a man I'd have 0 issues with that.

Quantum_Supremacist · 2025-06-11T05:03:24+00:00

It should be "trust but verify, quietly". If the result indicates no issue then no one needs to know.

Get your test without ruffling feathers that don't need ruffled.

Lemon_gecko · 2025-06-10T19:49:58+00:00

I actually disagree. Men should have the right to have dna test done and it should be normalized.

OMWSpuds · 2025-06-10T20:43:29+00:00

Most men know that most women will always be paranoid of cheating. It's something that has long been conventionally accepted.

OmoshiroiKudamono · 2025-06-10T23:51:37+00:00

The weight of consequences of cheating and a pinned child are WAAYY TOO DIFFERENT to compare.

It sucks to get cheated on. In the instance of a kid that isn't his, not only did she cheat, she is pinning a kid onto a man for 18+ years.

CatchPhraze · 2025-06-10T22:13:12+00:00

I've said it a couple times but I think if warrants repeating that if you state that having a paternity test is important to you from the get-go like the first time you have the "so do you want kids?" conversation then it's completely fine. That is an absolute trust but verify kind of stance. You have a boundary that has nothing to do with the other person because you set long before.

The problem is that many men who get cold feet often do so when the woman is pregnant or while the baby is already born, which feels like an accusation because if you were going to have this stance no matter who and what and where and when and why you should have taken the initiative to say it right from the jump.

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-06-10T20:04:57+00:00

The lengths you will go to not recognize the main difference between men and women never ceases to amaze me.

Women are guaranteed the parents of their kid. Men are not. There’s a way to bridge that gap, you just don’t like the feelz that come with it.

TheMedsPeds · 2025-06-11T05:15:10+00:00

While I agree with the idea. Finding out your BF is texting another chick isn’t quite the same as raising a child that isn’t yours. Just make it automatic and save everyone the trouble. I’m actually usually pretty “anti guy” in these convos. And I’ve always trusted my partners. But the thought of raising a kid and by the time they are 4 or 5 you start to notice “this kid really looks like my neighbor” has to be horrifying. This doesn’t just affect the man. It would affect the kid to. Imagine being a small child and your dad goes from loving you to just gone. That’s horrifying.

BigMadLad · 2025-06-10T19:30:33+00:00

Again with “most men”. I shared my location with my ex because it was a peace of mind thing for her and I’m not doing shady shit. A lot of these complaints feel like the women who are against it have more concern with their own feelings over their partners, even if it costs nothing of them to ease an insecurity. It’s being petty and prideful over actually making someone feel better.

If you want to be a good partner, why not ease someone’s worries if it costs you nothing? I get it if he’s like “I’m not fully sure about you” but usually it’s said “I know it’s stupid but it’ll help me” which you should do. Guys the same way with their location or communication.

Also, for a paternity test, you do it just ONCE. It’s not like the kid can suddenly not become your kid like with cheating. It’s even more reason women should just do it because it’s a one time test vs a consistent worry with cheating.

Albedo200 · 2025-06-10T19:51:53+00:00

The key word here is "always". Paternity test is done once per child and you literally never have to think about it

A woman that is always paranoid is paranoid throughout the relationship. You have to show her evidence over and over again regularly. This is not the same thing at all

Slingshot7765 · 2025-06-11T02:40:04+00:00

Paternity tests don't indicate paranoia. Just deal with the test one time and forget about it. The only reason you'd have to dislike it is if you have something to hide.

Dertross · 2025-06-11T00:09:24+00:00

"Always paranoid" doesn't make sense in this context. It's just 1 and done for each kid. It's not like you're getting annual paternity tests wtf.

resilient_survivor · 2025-06-12T13:31:02+00:00

'Trust but verify' guys don't trust at all. That's the whole reason to verify. There's no way they trust their woman if they want a paternity test. Ladies! run from them.

Edit: The only genuine reason I've seen on reddit to get the test is to make sure that the baby wasn't swapped by accident in the hospital. Nothing to do with cheating or trusting your female partner.

OkAd351 · 2025-06-11T07:15:33+00:00

If someone offered me $10M for making a free throw but everyone I love would die if I missed, I wouldn't take it. Not because I'm not confident I can make a free throw but sometimes the consequences are just too great to chance. Devoting your life to raising a child that you were deceived into is on par with that for me and several other guys.

Also just a protip for the fellas, she doesn't actually have to know if you do a paternity test. You can very easily verify and take that shit to your grave.

Robot_Alchemist · 2025-06-10T21:49:51+00:00

This whole thread is a bunch of “men are worse,” “no women are worse.” How about don’t be in a relationship with someone you feel you need to establish paternity after birth with…don’t raise a child with someone you literally just accused of cheating and then of practicing daily deception. For months

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TeacherSterling · 2025-06-10T23:52:05+00:00

I don't know if I have just bad luck but almost every woman have been with have been moderately to extremely paranoid about cheating. Some showed it more than others, but they always would ask me questions or say things which implied I could be cheating, etc.

There are different levels of course. But I think guys amongst themselves tend to talk a lot about girls not liking us to do certain things with the underlying suggestion that they might cheat if they did those things. Or just the whole crazy ex girlfriend trope in general.

Neptune-Jnr · 2025-06-11T01:26:39+00:00

Well if a paternity test pans out it doesn't confirm that the woman didn't cheat it just means the child is his and he isn't raising another man's kids.

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-06-11T07:00:11+00:00

The constraints of this argument must remain within the realm of “making sure you know your kids are yours” in order to be in any way consistent or equivalent.

So in other words the only thing that could even be rightfully comparable to men wanting to verify their kids are theirs would be women wanting to verify that their kids are theirs….. but for obvious reasons if a women were to want that she probably shouldn’t be a parent in the first place…

Intelligent-Insight · 2025-06-15T22:12:46+00:00

What's your point? Reasonable men would agree that it's reasonable for her to verify. In all normal couples there's an open phone policy, etc.

Are you saying all this crap when they ask you for your ID in a place where they've seen you before? E.g. you're buying wine in that store all the time, or you enter the building where they check IDs every day because you work there?

ExcitementLow4699 · 2025-06-18T16:18:13+00:00

I just don't get the female resistance to paternity testing. If you could do something simple to reassure your partner that he's not having the wool pulled over his eyes in like, the worst way, why wouldn't you just agree with it?

Sometimes people have anxiety that isn't directly related to a partner's character or behavior; that's why it's "anxiety." Men wanting paternity tests aren't direct accusations of infidelity.

Spicy_take · 2025-06-11T01:01:21+00:00

DNA tests should be standard. Men as a whole should make that push so that getting one isn’t special or a sign of distrust, even if some of the men do distrust their partner. Making sure a child that you’re supporting and investing into for the rest of your life is yours, shouldn’t be controversial.

Fun_Breakfast697 · 2025-06-11T17:18:40+00:00

As a society we should shame jealous behavior in relationships much more heavily than we do.

If you have "trust issues" that make you subject your partner to a bunch of paranoid bullshit you are defective and unworthy of love. Seek therapy or stay single. No one should tolerate you.

Prior_Try_1401 · 2025-06-10T19:28:15+00:00

This is a double standard and I don't care.

Certified_Dripper · 2025-06-11T03:40:44+00:00

You’re right. Willing to trade. You get you do your trust/verify with men and men can trust but verify with women which includes paternity tests 🤝

DecisionPlastic9740 · 2025-06-11T08:40:11+00:00

I wouldn't be bothered but I don't think women care all that much.

InitialTrue1501 · 2025-06-10T21:49:54+00:00

It was always endearing when a woman was willing to be that vulnerable, imho. The great thing about having nothing to hide, is that you can instill real comfort in a partner no matter how deep they dig. When I look back at failed relationships, the problem was never how deeply a partner sought assurance. But sure, “women are more emotionally intelligent” haha

Popeoath · 2025-06-10T22:25:27+00:00

Some guys basically functionally can't cheat though. Any woman could have some dude's baby.

Title	“Trust But Verify” paternity tests are bs because most men would never want a woman that’s always paranoid of cheating.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	15
Comments	379
Date	June 10, 2025 7:17 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1l87mz9/trust_but_verify_paternity_tests_are_bs_because/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/trust-but-verify-paternity-tests-are-bs-because.1554448 https://theredarchive.com/post/1554448

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