Why "making them wait" upsets many men...

TvIsSoma · 2022-06-21T16:27:36+00:00

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ftdrain · 2022-06-21T14:33:23+00:00

I usually just lose interest if I was on the fence about a girl, not chasing that poon k thx bye. It only works if I was already very into the girl in the first place, so it didnt really work, I was gonna stay regardless of sex

bwbright · 2022-06-21T19:31:25+00:00

Kind of weird seeing it from this angle. I'm a dude and I don't bang on the first date or for a long while because I like to see where the relationship is gonna go first.

cobraCL · 2022-06-21T16:50:03+00:00

I am with you, because I am the kind of woman who physically can NOT wait if I am attracted to a man. If I like someone, I can't help engulfing them in every kind of love possible including physical.

This has unfortunately backfired on me in 2 of my 3 relationships. Both my first and second boyfriend, (while actively pursuing sex from the start), decided that I was "easy" because I didn't resist them. The first one dumped me, the second one started routinely accusing me of cheating because I had sex with him when he wanted to, and he ended up leaving me. For context, I am a fiercely loyal person and I have never engaged in hookups.

Unfortunately, many men instantly lose respect for a woman if she actually puts out and doesn't play the hard-to-get bullshit.

Because of this, I will be reserved in my future romantic endeavours. I wish I didn't have to play games and attempt to hide my attraction, but I don't want to get hurt again. It's awful being judged by the person who you want and care about the most.

cronasminate · 2022-06-21T19:43:22+00:00

Damn I must be the only one who doesn't care if they have sex on the first or fifth whatever date. If they manage to keep me interested without sex, then they are pretty good at being interesting. From my experience, women usually want to have sex ASAP or if they delay it's because they have some insecurity which is also fine.

If they NEED to use sex as a lure to keep me around instead of just having an interesting personality then I'll just move on. Manipulation is one thing I don't tolerate.

Sexuality is a vibe. The more you talk about it instead of just doing it because you want to, the dumber you are.

MrBlack__ · 2022-06-21T16:57:55+00:00

What if guys made women wait before spending money on them?

AsthmaticGoblin · 2022-06-21T16:43:35+00:00

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LadyDynamite332 · 2022-06-21T17:19:08+00:00

So you know what’s funny about this…guys want virgins or girls with low body count, but they get mad when a girl asks to wait. Even if it isn’t a ‘mind game’, but they truly care and just want to make sure the man isn’t around to get in her pants then leave, still you get pissed and think she’s a fool for protecting herself. If that’s not a double standard 🤦‍♀️

PoinFLEXter · 2022-06-21T18:18:19+00:00

There is a similar irony that many women would do certain wilder things with a random hookup than they’d do with a man they’re genuinely interested in starting something meaningful with. From the guy’s perspective, this is frustrating and even feels disrespectful.

From the woman’s perspective, she’s often thinking that these wilder things could have serious negative ramifications if done with a guy they want a meaningful relationship. Maybe this guy will think she’s a slut for being okay with doing that stuff and no longer consider her someone meaningful? Maybe he’ll like it so much that she’ll feel pressured to do it more often, whereas the couple times with random hookups were mere to see if she liked it?

I’m not saying it’s a good or bad rationale. And it’s possible that certain men or society are partially to blame for creating that mindset. But nonetheless I do think it creates a major disconnect between men and women in serious relationships.

UnparliamentaryTea · 2022-06-21T15:58:22+00:00

I’ll caveat that it depends on your connection with the woman, but in general the way I’ve explained it to my girl friends is that men tend to set the standard at the lowest amount of effort it takes for her to hook up with someone. If a “u up” text is all it takes, we immediately have a hard time justifying a ton more effort. It’s not necessarily right and it doesn’t account for people, circumstances, etc. changing because the primal part of our brain doesn’t really understand that.

It’s for that same reason that making a guy wait for being “the boyfriend type” bugs a lot of men. In theory it’s a good thing, we would hook up way more times and it would be better over time than if we were seen as a one time thing. But our primal instincts are not logical and only think short-term.

As I said initially though, the caveat is that it depends on connection. If you have a truly great connection with someone, things will flow naturally. If you form an emotional bond with someone really easily, the physical bond becomes such a given that you’re not in a huge rush (of course do still show interest). If she’s really emotionally invested pretty quickly, it soothes much of that insecurity which is based on evolutionary instinct to reproduce ASAP

MOTAMOUTH · 2022-06-21T22:42:17+00:00

I've had girls literally admit to me that they don't want to get physical because they like me. And if I was just a fuck boy they would fuck me and not care. Like they're trying to say this as a compliment and justify why they're holding off.

I had to give them a chance to explain so I asked. "Hold on, you're saying you're making me wait but if you didn't see a future with me you'd be ok with fucking me now instead of later?!"

They couldn't understand how backward and idiotic that sounds.

ProductivityMonster · 2022-06-21T17:18:29+00:00

The real issue is that how long she makes you wait is generally an indicator of her level of sexual attraction to you (whether she admits it or not). I guarantee she doesn't apply the same wait time to all the guys (or even most guys). If she's more physically attracted to you, she'll have sex with you more quickly. Don't fall for her virtue signaling bullshit. She doesn't "value you more" by making you wait. In fact, it's the opposite. Watch her actions, not her words.

jjboy91 · 2022-06-21T15:27:35+00:00

She isn't making you wait, she just hasn't finish doing bizz with her ex my dude.

itsamatterofattitude · 2022-06-21T19:36:05+00:00

This is such a poor and low value mindset, it's sad.

Have you ever stopped to consider that YOU should be the one to make HER wait?

Consider this:

Let's say a woman has had sex with 10 guys.

Of those 10, four of them were horrible.

Three of them were decent, but ghosted her after they got some.

Two of them turned into LTR's

And one of them... damn... he was fucking amazing.

If you KNEW you'd be the 1 out of ten; the one she thinks about when she touches herself... would you be giving out dick like that all willy-nilly?

I ALWAYS make women wait.

1) It increases their desire and anticipation.

2) It shows them I don't care if we fuck one way or the other. Let's talk. Let's go do something fun. Let's get to know each other.

3) I KNOW I have some high quality dick. It's not the biggest. It's not the thickest. Its not the longest. But it's attached to a patient, generous, and creative lover. Someone who takes the time and makes the effort to make sure his partner is fulfilled and satisfied. That's a lot of effort. Why the fuck would I just go through all that for just anyone?

She's making you wait because she see's potential in you as a partner and wants to get invested before things escalate. But you can't see or recognize that because all you want is sex.

My advice: Up your sex game and start making sure a woman is worth the effort you're willing and able to put into pleasing her before you start getting butt hurt because she wants to go out a few times.

2022-06-21T19:49:58+00:00

I have a health condition that I don’t disclose on the first date and will make my date wait until I feel they are genuinely interested in me, and show signs they are receptive and open-minded, to disclose as I would like to treat my potential partners in a way my ex never did…

A lot of times my first dates escalate and I’m left with no choice as I don’t feel like disclosing (as it’s tiresome) and will instead nicely ask that we wait for next time: “i’m not ready” or “let’s get to know each other first.” They lose their shit, and I’m sad to say this, but I haven’t met a woman who has taken this lightly and considerately. Now, I understand some may take this as rejection, “he doesn’t find me attractive/I did something wrong,” but I also have received “you’re a man, you should WANT to fuck me!” “What’s wrong with you” “I don’t fucking understand you”

Loud sighs, awkward silences, eye rolls, and a quick change of tone. “You’ll never see me again””You won’t be the last through that door””What do you want?” Like, the shamelessness in how nonchalant they were with their disappointment and annoyance. Personally, I believe the nice, human, thing to do would be to politely peace out, but this behavior sounds familiar, right? My experience is with both women who alluded to hook ups and women genuinely looking for a “connection”/relationship. My experience shouldn’t be definitive, I would like to say how funny and interesting it is to flip the switch and make a woman wait coming from a man.

TL,DR: I have STD, I make women wait until there is disclosure and consent, women get big mad when I make them wait

MSHUser · 2022-06-21T21:12:29+00:00

Out of all the dates I've been on I don't think I encountered this kind of attitude. I don't mind waiting until she's comfortable enough to have sex with me I think sex out of mutual pleasure is wonderful.

But I definitely don't want to run into any women like this. Are there signs that I should look out for in case I meet a woman who wants me to earn sex from her? Or do any guys here have any stories of girls they dealt with that have thought exactly like this? How did you figure out that you waiting to have sex with her was them making you wait?

davepthomas · 2022-06-21T21:15:55+00:00

Had good first date with a chick. Good conversion was smooth and effortless. I offered her to come over. She declined. So two weekends later. She did come over. We had sex. I couldn't get off. She didn't turn me on at all. There wasn't any sexual chemistry whatsoever. I literally had to pound hard and fast and try literally every position imagineable. I eventually got off. But I was disappointed to say the least. It sucked.

She on the other hand thought I was a fucking animal sex machine due to the marathon sex.

I wish chick's I was really into were really into me. But I just keep missing the mark. I get really awkward and embarrass myself when I'm with a chick I really like. Then when I'm with a chick I don't give a shit about I'm cool as a cucumber and come off really smooth.

lostlito · 2022-06-21T22:33:02+00:00

I can concur to this.

If a woman makes a man wait till marriage for sex and it ended in a divorce, when she goes back into the dating market, men are more obliged to wait the same way because that's how the woman set the foundation to acquire sex.

Same way for having kids.

What man, in their right mind, would wait for marriage to acquire sex/children if there's others that can skip the line for the same outcome??

great_account · 2022-06-21T17:27:20+00:00

The proper response to any resistance to physical intimacy is "I want to do whatever you're comfortable with". A woman who is alone with you is clearly demonstrating trust and valuing you. Just because she fucked a bunch of dudes before, but won't fuck you says less about her and more about you. Sex should not be had under pressure. It should be 2 people willingly sharing themselves joyfully. If she doesn't want to, you shouldn't want to.

kitten-fluff · 2022-06-21T18:32:10+00:00

Ah, this again. Why would a woman have sex within a week with a new guy when within a month some of us can already see the first red flag? It's an easy way how to detect the bad apples. Sorry not sorry, but we go for quality 🤷‍♀️

NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr · 2022-06-21T17:10:48+00:00

Typically, a majority of men have low IQ's and this is a "Gentleman's Game", where intelligence gets one better results. Intelligence is needed to navigate the subtle nuances of female behavior.

The men that get angry are the unintelligent who want their sexual needs met without the frustration of having to learn something new or to figure a woman out. These men should not be helped to seduce women unless they put in the effort to learn & better themselves. We're here to help men better themselves, not to help them get laid.

Outrageous_Pride6017 · 2022-06-21T16:45:45+00:00

This is an attempt to justify the actions of some by attributing to men as a whole. Plenty of people have sex life high on their lists of priorities when looking for a partner, and how you communicate that is on you and you alone. I agree with the sentiment that “I’m not going to work harder for it, it’s a shared experience” etc. and would drop any girl that “rewards” sex. Not about that life. On the flip side though, I personally am not worried about having sex early in the relationship, as long as boundaries and expectations are set and communication is healthy.

My point is, this shit varies by person. There is no “sweeping solution” available. It’s up to us individually to communicate our expectations in a healthy manner.

olivialovegood · 2022-06-21T19:36:50+00:00

So if a girl really likes you but isn’t ready to have sex after only 2 dates you walk away? You are pressuring girls because you have an ultimatum: sex by date 2 or you are out. Sounds like you feel the need to compete against the guys in her past and this really doesn’t have anything to do with two people wanting to form a relationship

Sandvicheater · 2022-06-21T17:19:54+00:00

For women getting into relationships is like buying a car, huge commitment so they want to do their due diligence (test drive, background history, etc). For men getting into relationships is like going through a McDonald's drive thru.

AngeloMacon · 2022-06-21T17:37:42+00:00

We speak in generalizations here but as you move up the experience chart you should start to take it on a case by case basis.

If you're on a first or second date with a 30 year old woman who tells you she's lived all over the place, loves going out all the time and never has been in a serious long term relationship. Don't be the sucker who waits a month to sleep with her.

If you're on a second date with a 26 year old shy or religious girl who is a homebody and tells you she just started using a dating app recently after breaking up with her boyfriend of 6 years. And you like her alot. You probably should let it move at a slower pace.

MiguelxJohnny · 2022-06-21T18:53:57+00:00

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mistahARK · 2022-06-21T15:04:27+00:00

If she’s “making you wait” then she just isn’t sexually aroused by you…period.

Two dates max is my personal rule (and, in practice, it’s often one date). If we didnt hook up on the first date, then I expect her to put in effort to meet me again (i.e. I’m not the first to reach out after the date).

If she contacts me again, second date is at my place if I decide that I want to see her again. Anything less than full sex on second meetup, I safely assume she isn’t physically attracted to me…NEXT

Pumpkin_Spic_latte · 2022-06-21T19:29:12+00:00

Most men want to be with a woman who is just as if not more interested in them as they are in you.

Unless they're rapists.

2022-06-21T22:39:33+00:00

I don't negotiate love, affection or sex with a women. Life is short to get tangled up with a women that thinks sex is a reward. I simply leave or show the door.

2022-06-22T09:21:59+00:00

To be honest, with the movement in younger society changing, where more and more men and focussing soley on themselves eg going to gtm chasing better paying jobs over chasing women and relationships, I can’t imagine many women really holding out for a long long time. Don’t get me wrong a wait is fair enough as you don’t just want to give it away but I think with the new movement women holding out for months even years will very much decrease.

Don’t take this to heart just an opinion.

l337joejoe · 2022-06-21T18:53:03+00:00

Making you wait wouldn't upset a real man. A real man can tell when she's giving it up cheap and when she's holding on to giving it up because she knows there's something more, something deeper. A woman making you wait is a good thing, as long as you're doing your "job" right.

Kukantiz · 2022-06-21T19:15:55+00:00

These people are a treasure. They weed themselves out.

RockLobster203 · 2022-06-21T19:16:42+00:00

Logic of women in this thread: "Men aren't entitled to sex, but I'm entitled to more dates until I'm ready to put out."

Y'all are calling OP entitled for knowing what he wants, and what he's willing to put up with to get it.

Royal_Habit_5286 · 2022-06-21T16:50:38+00:00

I'm a virgin so I have no problem waiting 🤠

OmegaClifton · 2022-06-21T17:12:42+00:00

Yeah, knowing there are likely guys she didn't make wait sours whatever good intention "make him wait" originally had. I just think they're not into me like that and start backing off.

But I also don't really care to force stuff. Way I see it, we either click or we don't. Plenty of other people out there for both of us to meet.

Lovexornelius · 2022-06-21T18:21:28+00:00

lmao, bad take

AmberWaves80 · 2022-06-21T17:33:33+00:00

You’re not entitled to sex within the first couple of dates. Or ever entitled to sex. You’re the same kind of person bitching about body count being too high. Plenty women like to wait until they’re ready for sex with someone- which may take more than a couple of dates. Doesn’t make it a game.

daring_innovator · 2022-06-21T18:33:16+00:00

“Women break rules for the Alphas and make rules for the Betas.”

Read that again … I want you to think about it for a second. When I say rules I mean all the rules of the game become broken and anything goes so to hell with morality.

GotThaAcid5tab · 2022-06-21T17:05:22+00:00

Personally I much prefer women who aren’t easy.

my_name_isnt_cool · 2022-06-21T21:41:55+00:00

Yes because how dare women not give men sex right away....totally not using women just for sex, but it upsets men because they want sex. Right.

Bunniesareeverything · 2022-06-21T22:45:48+00:00

If you’re already comparing yourself to her other exes, it’s doomed the fail from the start.

Also, making a guy wait isn’t a punishment. Women aren’t here to be walking sex dolls. How she feels with you may be completely different to how she feels with someone else. Her level of comfort should be at the forefront of your mind, not “when am I gonna get my leg over?”

luckykitty99 · 2022-06-21T22:49:07+00:00

It’s not always a question of ‘making the man wait’ it’s because sex is a very intimate act which always carries some level of personal risk, and I want to make sure I know the man well enough to feel safe. I can’t get that in 2 dates, sorry.

And yes that’s pissed off some men into ghosting me. Good riddance, it’s my timeline not theirs.

I met my husband online in a game chat. I liked how he was insightful, helpful and polite to everyone, even the teens. We started very slowly to communicate by text, then graduated to calls, then planned a meeting IRL. By the time we met in person I couldn’t keep my hands off him. We got married 2 years later, and he’s the love of my life.

I can’t tell you how grateful I am that I waited for him, and didn’t get involved with some rando who wanted me to put out on the second date. They’re not worth it for me. My husband was worth the (forced by distance) wait. We’ve been married 7 years now.

MiguelxJohnny · 2022-06-21T15:12:54+00:00

You kinda sound like you think you’re entitled to it. You aren’t.

missargentina29 · 2022-06-21T19:44:29+00:00

How sad that another man feels entitled to dictate what a woman should or should not do with her body and with whom. Women are also at a higher risk of pregnancy and STIs so yea you’ll wait dude

itsamatterofattitude · 2022-06-21T19:51:22+00:00

Thats the very definition of desperate, my friend.

Netlogicc · 2022-06-21T18:47:34+00:00

Your a dumbass. This hypothetical woman is weeding your ass out for someone who won’t pressure/ trick her into having sex with them.

saabo75 · 2022-06-21T19:00:00+00:00

We wait to make sure you are safe. Any pressure or attitude about this is information for us.

EpicIrishman · 2022-06-21T17:35:59+00:00

Well said. If she shows less interest in me than others, I'm going to interpret it as her being not interested. I respect maybe she's trying curb her own behavior, but having different habits/patterns with different guys is just confusing and sends the wrong signals.

Videogamesarereel · 2022-06-21T17:56:38+00:00

In my experience, it's usually not as pure as "making the guy wait". It's usually she's involved with someone else and feels guilty outright cheating.

I would easily wait for the right girl, but randoms on a dating app? Forget about it.

aSpiderNerd · 2022-06-21T19:22:39+00:00

Damn OP this hit home. Recently experienced this. Was chasing a girl who wanted to save sex after marriage. Okay cool, but then there were conditions to earn her attention/time to eventually "crack" her. She once said, I'm a tough one to crack. Overtime I got nothing but small hints of progress despite how much flirting/teasing I implemented, and all within her boundaries to respect her fam and religion....but now.......I've lost complete interest and have moved on. To the point where her and her family noticed and began questioning it. Makes me feel as if she thought she was a reward. It wasn't even about the sex, I just wanted the equal interest. I two, have feelings sheesh lol. Thanks OP, needed to hear this.

Mundane_Natural5131 · 2022-06-21T18:28:29+00:00

I agree about the women making men wait so they avoid being used and discarded i respect that but if she let the guy before me smash on the first date and making me wait then ama lose interest too not because i only want to fuck and im a asshole but because that shows that you value me less thats like letting someone cut infront of the line but you tell me nah not you man you have to wait in line id feel like im less desired than the other one and move on

JXphile4 · 2022-06-21T19:50:55+00:00

If she has genuine desire for the man, she will not make him wait.

MiguelxJohnny · 2022-06-21T19:03:26+00:00

My ex-husband admitted to me AFTER we got married that he only married me to have sex with me. He tried for a year to sleep with me but I kept turning him down 🤷‍♀️. If I don't wanna sleep with you then I don't gotta lol. I wish I'd never slept with him

He also was mad because I didn't wait to sleep with someone else of my CHOOSING. My gut instinct was originally correct about him. I thought he only wanted to talk to me to try to get in my pants, so I waited as long as I wanted to have sex with him to see if he was being true or not. And then we finally had sex with each other, down the road we decide to get married, and then he decides to tell me after I complain that the sex isnt satisfying anymore that he doesn't have to try as hard because we're already married, he already "won the prize". And then he let it slip "honestly I really only married you because I didn't want you sleeping around with other guys like you used to"

So.......some of us have legit gut feelings for why we don't sleep with a guy, and like my gut instinct, it was correct.

Not every case is like this, but we all need to trust our gut feelings.

mrrooftops · 2022-06-21T20:01:07+00:00

An equivalent would be making a woman wait for the guy to pay for any dates. Nearly all women would be pissed off with that.

DarkSun18 · 2022-06-21T20:15:09+00:00

I wouldn’t sleep with a guy sooner than when I feel ready, and that has nothing to do with finding him attractive or not. If a guy can’t be patient then yeah we don’t fit together, simple as that.

Curious_Omnivore · 2022-06-21T20:15:30+00:00

This entire thread is cancer

DanDanBussum · 2022-06-21T20:21:19+00:00

If you want to make him wait and he’s not okay with that, he’s not the right one. Move on. There are way way more people that you can fall in love with than you think.

heartfelt24 · 2022-06-21T20:50:21+00:00

It depends on how hot/desirable the man is. In this age of social media, both sexes know that there are extremely attractive people out there. Those are the standards.

You are competing against them. If you're so hot, that the woman thinks there is no chance of you agreeing to a long term relationship, you will get to the bedroom faster. Others, would be considered boyfriend/spouse material, and will experience these things slower.

If you are consistently being put on hold, you have to work on your looks/charm/finances. Don't blame the women. Most men I have met are just as superficial, though less choosy.

There are other factors that increase your odds:

Be relaxed, turn on a bit of casual charm.
Be capable (physically, intellectually, financially.)
Have a nice place where you two can unwind.
Good car to take her on a drive.
Go to a beach, pick a fun activity.
Don't talk too much, especially about technical/financial stuff.
Try to gauze what she wants from a fling.

ThorHammerscribe · 2022-06-21T21:17:21+00:00

It’s just a big waste of time, I’ve got other things I could and should be doing I don’t have time to Wait

MiguelxJohnny · 2022-06-21T16:41:00+00:00

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MistyMaisel · 2022-06-21T16:09:59+00:00

I love how this is meant to be a good explanation.

This is terrible. You cared more about being in competition with men who are no longer in the picture than you did about me as a person. Wow, that's so much better and less objectifying than if you just wanted some ass...wait, no, it isn't. I'm not a piece of ass and I'm not a way for you to feel better or equal to other men.

This is wretched behavior and I'm so glad men pulled this upset. Fast way to help me know they weren't worth the time.

garnageman · 2022-06-21T15:06:53+00:00

this post reeks of insecurity

Lighthero34 · 2022-06-21T15:52:56+00:00

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2022-06-21T17:13:37+00:00

It’s simply is a power showdown. As Oscar Wilde says: ‘everything is about sex except sex. Sex is about power’

I mean u can learn a lot from the others in between the dating and sex and see how the other is in getting their way. Both sexes look for that soft power getting what we want, too much coquetry kills the authenticity

honeybunchesofgoatso · 2022-06-21T20:04:04+00:00

If someone is upset that a woman wants to wait, then imo that isn't the right person anyway. Nothing needs to be changed and I don't think anyone needs to be a pick me about it.

You want to be with me and can't wait? I'll find a different guy who can and who'll respect my choices, no problem.

Just like they could choose to move on for that, but I've never had that be an issue.

What do I know, I'm just happily taken woman for 3 going on 4 years 🤷‍♀️

18Mandrake_R00T5 · 2022-06-21T14:36:38+00:00

Another crybaby post in this sub.

krispykreme01 · 2022-06-21T16:52:58+00:00

ZosoWicca · 2022-06-21T19:53:47+00:00

It upsets us when we consider you as a woman that doesn't deserve our time.

I can wait so long for a woman I love, but for that one that belongs to the streets or the average hoe that gives the V-card to trash men, of course Im not waiting and if she wants to make it longer, I leave.

Iamnotthatguypall · 2022-06-21T21:41:07+00:00

I don’t think men have problems with girls making them wait the problem is they don’t make some guys wait

creamyturtle · 2022-06-21T17:05:21+00:00

I agree with this 100%

TH3BUDDHA · 2022-06-21T20:32:46+00:00

There's nothing wrong with having and fulfilling your own needs. Just be honest about your intentions and move on if the person you're talking to can't meet those needs.

MarduStorm231 · 2022-06-21T20:47:22+00:00

Fellow Cobra Kai fan?

ames8113 · 2022-06-21T22:13:52+00:00

Some times woman need to clean house first Befor getting on with business

mindofsound · 2022-06-22T13:14:26+00:00

Making them wait assumes you yourself don't want to fuck. Get what you want, and do it without manipulating people. If you meet someone who wants the same things as you then you don't have to play with their mind to get it. If you're not totally compatible, at least get laid.

Title	Why "making them wait" upsets many men...
Author	MiguelxJohnny
Upvotes	308
Comments	424
Date	June 21, 2022 2:11 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vhe95v/why_making_them_wait_upsets_many_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-making-them-wait-upsets-many-men.1256458 https://theredarchive.com/post/1256458

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