What Really Happens to Sexual Desire During Marriage?—Study finds women's sex drives drop after marriage and this causes relationship problems, not the other way around

TendieDinner777 · 2022-01-30T21:12:18+00:00

“Five years into marriage, the average husband's sexual desires are unchanged, but the average wife's have decreased.

Knowing that this is a common pattern might help couples !!! refrain from blaming themselves and each other !!! or fearing their marriage has problems.”

Right, because even when studies show that it’s women who change, it’s nobody’s fault or responsibility. If it were men, the article would be all about health and ED meds.

SandmanOrpheus · 2022-01-30T23:05:58+00:00

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Normal-Yogurtcloset5 · 2022-01-31T00:25:32+00:00

That five year mark is interesting. I’ve heard it said that 50% of marriages end in divorce within five years. If there aren’t children involved it would be smart for men to cut and run in order to find another woman who’s willing to have a sex life. It makes no sense to have a celibate marriage.

63daddy · 2022-01-30T22:09:28+00:00

Having a lower desire is what allows someone yo use that thing as leverage. Most guys I know who have a lower desire to sleep with their wives don’t have less desire for sex, it’s just the cost has gotten too high.

It’s one reason we see married men turning to prostitutes and the growth of men getting sugar babies. Obviously such men want sex, its just not worth it with their wives. Other men just go without.

AndyBrown65 · 2022-01-30T21:56:10+00:00

To a certain degree the female has achieved her goal. She has entrapped a male to provide for her and protect her, especially when she has kids. She no longer has to be flexible or nice. Deep down she knows she cannot lose if the union fails. If she has kids she is guaranteed an income stream until the youngest is 18, and she is guaranteed at least 50% of assets. Sex drive drops unconsciously (at the least)

redditmodsareshits · 2022-01-30T23:32:40+00:00

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langoley01 · 2022-01-30T21:21:40+00:00

Like the old joke what do a new wife and a broken vacuum cleaner have in common,,,

masuabie · 2022-01-31T01:30:17+00:00

With my ex, everything was great until we moved in together and then her sex drive just disappeared and I never complained but it did change the relationship.

jmcsquared · 2022-01-31T01:42:24+00:00

From the paper's abstract:

"Further, childbirth accentuated this sex difference by partially, though not completely, accounting for declines in women’s sexual desire."

For so many reasons, people gotta stop having kids so damn early.

Albert-o-saurus · 2022-01-30T23:44:50+00:00

Look, as sentient meat, however illusory our identities are, we craft those identities by making value judgements. Everybody judges all the time. Now, you got a problem with that, you're living wrong.

One of my favorite quotes of all time. True Detective, Season 1.

This issue is clearly the fault of women. It's unfair of women to expect commitment to remain the same, from their partner, at the same time as changing how often they have sex with their partner.

freerossulbrich · 2022-01-31T11:04:39+00:00

What happens after marriage? Well. Marriage.

She can walk out on you and keep half of your money. Why should she still fuck you? Far less incentive.

For this reason I have sugar babies instead of wives.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-01-31T02:52:08+00:00

I'm of the opinion that it's healthy to discuss breaking up when this happens.

The problem is today, women have a high sex drive for short term relationships, and a low sex drive for long term relationships, what is not clear is, could this be due to women being oversexed?

During their sexual development, for modern women, sex is free available and without consequence, the only negative being that men will "pump and dump" after having sex but women rarely experience men leaving because of sex.

However, upon prospect of losing a relationship over sex, only then do women start to truly question and understand the role of sex and relationships.

But, its quite common for women to project their loss of interest onto their partner and it forments a resentment of each other, by each other.

DemocratsFoundedKKK · 2022-01-31T13:09:44+00:00

/r/theredpill

You're welcome.

Nathaniel66 · 2022-01-31T06:20:10+00:00

Been there, done that. What a misery it was :/

ABBucsfan · 2022-01-31T02:04:50+00:00

You mean water is wet?

quantainium_pasta · 2022-01-31T02:37:45+00:00

A possible explanation that fits our data is that female sexual desire increases during the brief phase of passionate love. Nature may have arranged that as a way of encouraging the man to make a long-term commitment.

OR, nature may have arranged that as a signal to a man to seek a different sexual partner, in order to sow their seed more widely.

MGTOW_and_Bitcoin · 2022-01-30T23:53:03+00:00

This is what happens when women lower their standards and merry men that they are not genuinely interested in.

However this is a problem for women because they only find the top 10% of men actually desirable.

Guys do not marry women that are not genuinely interested in you -there's no future in that. In fact if you are aware of natural feminine hypergamy you will understand that any woman who wants you to marry you is already looking for you to sign away your sovereignty with that contract

ApatheticHeretic_101 · 2022-01-31T15:49:57+00:00

Where's the article that explains how sexless married women transform into nymphomaniacs the second the ink dries on the divorce papers or they leave their husbands...?

Still not their fault or just no one wants to study that?

LOL

MrSnrlub · 2022-01-31T02:09:34+00:00

That is how it went in mine.

mcove97 · 2022-01-31T00:31:03+00:00

Then don't marry and dont have kids so you can find a new partner when it doesn't work anymore?

B1G_Fan · 2022-01-31T03:11:49+00:00

And, this is precisely why extended families are so important for making the nuclear family work.

If a man is abusing his wife, the extended family can say to the man

"If you abuse her, we will abuse you"

You would think that women would be clamoring for that kind of safety net, right?

But, no, women want the government to do this because the downside to relying on the extended family to clamp down on abuse is that if a man is unsatisfied with his wife's behavior, in the bedroom or otherwise, the extended family will say to the wife

"Go jump your husband's bones like you promised you would"

Can't have men AND women both being held accountable, can we??

DecimatingDarkDeceit · 2022-01-31T13:54:53+00:00

[◊] ≈ : Reasons never ^ever bother to Marry anytime, Number: 5.282.585.674

Blutarg · 2022-01-31T14:23:00+00:00

But I thought it was men who were afraid of commitment! :/

Perfect_War5446 · 2022-01-31T15:32:38+00:00

It’s because women get bored easily and miss being able to having a different dick every night if they wanted to

No_Sheepherder_6652 · 2022-01-31T16:40:36+00:00

Bc we are just monkeys designed to have sex with a lot of partners. We get bored. Wives get fat and stop trying to impress us. Men get fat and stop tryin to impress the women. This isn’t rocket science.

jarmbur · 2022-01-31T18:51:12+00:00

Conclusion: if you want tons of sex, don't get married.

Insidious-Sid · 2022-01-31T20:03:11+00:00

Women have evolved to give would-be provider men a glimpse of an ongoing wonderful sex life she has no desire to, or intention of, maintaining long term. In short, the idea that a "happily married dutiful husband" gets his sexual needs met regularly is just a little white lie society keeps telling men to keep men lining up at the altar.

Eedoryeong · 2022-01-31T04:17:30+00:00

That's a bit misleading I think. An otherwise problematic book - Soul Healing Love - nevertheless gave me one very useful insight into this particular phenomenon that helped me forgive myself and her: the cocktail of euphoric hormones that cause you to be drawn to each other is supposed to drop off. It's a high your body is building resistance to, because you cannot sustain that kind of euphoria or it would burn a hole in your brain. Pretty much like your body has to process alcohol only of course on a much longer time scale.

But the good news is that both of you can make a decision together that you're going to put in the hours. Just like anything else in your life with your career with your health with your education with your spirituality whatever do you want to be good at or have a decent level, you have to put in your hours. The same thing goes for keeping your romantic love life alive. It doesn't have to be guaranteed sex. It can just be a guarantee of intimate alone time but it has to be there all the time and it has to be worked at prepared for. And it will wax and wane but it's like everything else if you do that it can stay. But it takes two people to decide it and you have to prioritize other things out of the schedule so that you can make room for it - and this is where a lot of people fall down.

theboned1 · 2022-01-31T03:17:00+00:00

Mens sex drive falls because the wife's falls. Most wife's make it quite clear how uninterested they are with sex and thus forces the men to lower theirs.

whiteguycash · 2022-01-30T22:58:49+00:00

The article seems to indicate that Men judge marital happiness off of sexual health of the marriage. I wonder what the women in these marriages would judge marital happiness off of?

jln3701547 · 2022-01-31T07:41:07+00:00

What food kills a woman's libido? Wedding cake, lol

SodyPops17 · 2022-01-30T23:33:57+00:00

I mean, I could've told you that one. I've never heard of a marital problem where the core issue was or was linked to lack of sex.

nixon_talks · 2022-01-31T03:38:24+00:00

Just had a female friend say this verbatim:
"Because she becomes their mother and then has kids by that time and is fucken exhausted"

That was her reason why sex drive drops. LMFAO.

poobobo · 2022-01-31T07:42:01+00:00

I question if this is a men's rights issue. It sounds like it's just women's biology. However, with that being said, it's a good reason to not get married. Getting married is like buying a bmw. It's gonna break down and leave you with a big bill.

beniesixx98 · 2022-01-31T04:42:48+00:00

Well I can safely say , I know for a fact that I have a low to almost non existent sex drive (just due to years of s.a by adults in my life ) but my fiance knew that from the start and he's ok with it . But we are also poly and he's allowed to have sex with me while I sleep (I gave him consent ) since I don't/can't get in the mood all the time. But we definitely don't fight over the fact if I'm or him aren't in the mood .But at least I was up front with him and he chose to stay

Ok_Stress_4977 · 2022-01-31T04:42:02+00:00

Date a man then.

MentionSilver6915 · 2022-01-31T18:44:06+00:00

The way some people are speaking in here is making this group as a collective look worse than the feminazis😅

mcPetersonUK · 2022-01-31T10:42:04+00:00

Id not be surprised if its some biological throw back to stop humans reproducing indefinitely. A few years of producing kids then ease off.

Floda_H · 2022-01-31T11:39:39+00:00

Alpha fux Beta bux, as always. Her sexual desire wouldn't have declined if she had married Chris Hemsworth.

Slow-Brush · 2022-01-31T13:36:06+00:00

And if their sex drive didn't drop, they're outside or on their smartphone cheating on their spouse.

barnagotte · 2022-01-31T14:03:18+00:00

Duh.

Ok_Medicine_7662 · 2022-01-31T18:21:00+00:00

Helps if you stay working out in the gym and avoiding her a little bit more..

SereneGoldfish · 2022-01-31T18:42:01+00:00

I think excitement plays a large part in sexual desire. If you're relatively new partners, it's all new and very exciting. If you're several years down the line, and you know your partner's body as well as you know your own, the excitement isn't the same. I think foreplay and perfecting what makes your partner happy becomes more important then. However, this takes work. There may be kids, jobs, stresses and strain of life. Few have time or energy for the couple of hours to really enjoy it. And women do enjoy sex

gdh2019 · 2022-01-31T20:36:44+00:00

I remember reading that women start to crave variety (yes, in sexual partner) more than men do when in a relationship. Contrary to popular belief.

TracyMorganFreeman · 2022-02-01T00:14:35+00:00

I do wonder whether women's desires decrease over time, or their willingness to admit it's lower than they previous claimed increases over time.

Women like sex but not as much as men do; their sexual drive is on average lower than men for basically every age post puberty.

jadonner · 2022-02-07T04:19:48+00:00

It could be because of birth control that the woman has to take unless they’re having kids …. That is proven to lower her libido.

danielnogo · 2022-01-31T19:59:14+00:00

Idk, I frequent the dead bedroom subreddit and there are many women there who's husband's have lost interest in sex leaving them sexually frustrated. There are lots of guys too, but to say it's only women who lose interest is just inaccurate.

oggyb · 2022-01-31T15:32:01+00:00

A bunch of shitty takes in this comment section. What we get from this research is that there's a correlation of factors that complicates the common narrative .

All this is is a call to do more science, not to jump to stupid conclusions about who can be blamed for what outcome.

Thanks for sharing the writeup!

Anih1list · 2022-01-31T16:58:43+00:00

Marriage is bullshit as an institution anyway. Started out as a patriarchal “I own my wife” thing, and now it’s a “my wife takes my money” thing. Fuck that shit.

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