Is pre-selection actually real?

Temporary-Drawing212 · 2023-02-18T01:55:39+00:00

I mean I won’t even lie. But I’ve seen first hand women all of a sudden have interest in a men because he’s taken. One uping another women is a thing here and idk why the hell women do this.

Aromatic_Shop9033 · 2023-02-18T01:50:27+00:00

Yes.

Once it happens to you, you'll never view women the same.

ThorLives · 2023-02-18T07:08:44+00:00

Yes. And studies confirm this.

https://www.businessinsider.com/women-are-more-attracted-to-men-when-other-women-like-them-2018-1

But the data we do have suggest that being with a woman — particularly a beautiful one thought to be the significant other — does increase a man’s appeal in the minds of female evaluators. In a 2018 review, 16 out of 18 studies found adding a presumed romantic partner to a man’s photo made other women score him as more attractive or desirable than the same man solo. Additionally, the studies that varied the beauty of the female partner found that making her more attractive also increased his score. https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/evolution-could-explain-why-having-a-girlfriend-makes-men-more-attractive

The female participants found men more desirable when they were shown with an attractive partner compared to when the men were shown alone. Men shown with an attractive partner tended to be viewed as more intelligent, trustworthy, humorous, wealthy, romantic, goal driven, adventurous, generous, and attentive to the needs of others. https://www.psypost.org/2016/12/study-women-find-men-desirable-desired-women-46677

The females who were given a photograph of the male model posing with several female models had a higher perceived physical attractiveness score for the male (M = 5.24, SD = 1.342) than those who were given a stand-alone male model photo (M = 4.61, SD = 1.293). The implications of this study on interpersonal relationships may explain why sometimes men who are engaged with other women are viewed as more attractive. https://www.atlantis-press.com/proceedings/uipsur-17/25899599

Sometimes “All the good guys are taken” really just means "I only perceive a guy as good if he is already taken".

SwaySh0t · 2023-02-18T03:02:13+00:00

Pete Davidson is the living embodiment of pre selection

tvear · 2023-02-18T01:45:56+00:00

Preselection isn't just about "taken" men.

Decent-Zombie-5513 · 2023-02-18T01:27:10+00:00

When i get a partner im exposed to more women and yes it feels like all my girls friends are semi-flirting with me. I dont know if this is desire (probs not), a trap or Normal banter with someone they deem as safe as im with their friend.

why is it as i get older i have less of a grip in what social interactions mean, i feel i was better adjusted when i would just try to shag any girl who maintained eye contact for longer than 5 secs. Im trying so hard now and i have no idea where i stand.

despisedlove2 · 2023-02-18T05:38:49+00:00

Pre-selection is very real.

I am ugly. I never had much female attention growing up, which led me to develop my character and become really good at what I do. Success at work ultimately led me into marriage.

While I was married however, I noticed that many women were more nice to me than any had been prior. Outside of work, I found colleagues at conferences being nice, and in a few cases, even suggestive. One younger colleague whom I had been introduced to by a collaborator wanted us to have an affair as she was single and wanted to raise kids as a single mother. She was more beautiful than my wife, but vows are vows. Maybe if I had cheated, I would have had kids today.

After my divorce, that attention disappeared again, until I became wealthier and misguidedly went through a clothes buying spree, and a new car, to cope with my unsettled emotions. The nicer looks and inviting smiles started up again.

It was beginning to get annoying when the me-too scam hit our company. A few tense episodes later, and revision of company fraternization policies, I was finally free of the gold diggers and me-too'ers. I decided to dress more plainly to keep a lower profile.

I have considered putting on my old wedding band which I retained for sentimental reasons, and wear more expensive shirts at times to test this but I am risk averse when it comes to work, and in any case, have never been a fan of random hookups. However, I have no doubt that females who see me as an ugly part of the scenery would change their expressions the moment they saw a seemingly taken man.

SmootherWaterfalls · 2023-02-18T02:28:29+00:00

Are you likely to get an elite job with an empty resume?

RRBeachFG2 · 2023-02-18T01:46:55+00:00

Yes it’s real, all the shit we talk about is real this isn’t make believe land.

Useful-Indication225 · 2023-02-18T10:21:57+00:00

Yeah social proof is a hell of a drug

Capeninja · 2023-02-18T02:14:37+00:00

It's not about him being safe. It's about him being desirable. The other woman's presence proves he's desirable in some unspecified manner.

statsfodder · 2023-02-18T04:11:19+00:00

An abusive, cheater that neglects his woman?? Add 2 felonies and 4 kids to 3 different baby mummas and you'll have women taking their panties off ...

Green-Quantity1032 · 2023-02-18T02:07:10+00:00

It doesn't mean he's a good safe choice - it means his partner determined his genes are a good choice.

Women like that cuz it makes screening easier, at least if they appreciate the girl you're with.

Novadina · 2023-02-18T02:35:09+00:00

I dunno, it just seems to me that whether or not a man is in a relationship should have absolutely no impact on how attractive he is, since you don’t know how he treats his spouse in private.

Maybe it shouldn’t, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t. This is kind of human behavior, to think if someone else wanted them, there must be something good about them. If the partner seems high value, like they are hot, then it boosts the perception of them even more.

Employers do this same thing - people who are “looking for work” on LinkedIn get passed over by recruiters for people already employed. Even if they were laid off, no fault of their own. And being at a more well known employer pretty gets you recruiters spamming you with job offers. There’s no guarantee someone with a job is a good employee - but I guess they figure if that company vetted you, and you are still there, chances are higher than someone who was laid off, who possibly was chosen for being a lower performer. Even though they’d have a higher chance of convincing someone unemployed of working for them for less pay, they still prefer to try to convince the already employed people to change jobs.

bsmith440 · 2023-02-18T05:23:01+00:00

I can tell you prior to getting married, I had friends who were girls. They always seemed to keep me at an arms length, like we were never truly friends, but after I got married, women would actively come up and talk to me. They try to build a friendship mainly by playful banter. No matter if it is at work or in college (went back at 26) they have no problem texting me out of nowhere or adding me to an all female group text.

I don't know why. I don't know if it's a safety thing or confirmed HVM thing. I'm too afraid to ask at this point, not like they would tell the truth anyway.

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2023-02-18T14:54:06+00:00

Preselection is definitely a thing. It increases your status essentially. A guy near a hot woman automatically gains a small halo effect and is perceived as more desirable than he actually is.

Safinated · 2023-02-18T01:23:48+00:00

It’s more information than we have with a total stranger

ExpensiveShoulder580 · 2023-02-18T01:28:33+00:00

I think that forbidden fruit/taboo is a prevalent part of human sexuality. People want what they're not supposed to have. This can manifest in any number of ways.

So I think the phenomenon that pre-selection describes exists (women who are into taken men) but not for the reason it claims.

MyLastBestChance · 2023-02-18T01:30:42+00:00

Ok, as a woman:

The ugly side of some women…Some insecure women feel a sense of victory or satisfaction in “taking” another woman’s man. It’s a challenge and she thinks that winning that challenge will make her feel better about herself. It won’t.

Other than that, there is sometimes a pre-selection factor at play. If a man has proven that he’s capable of being partnered with someone we respect, it’s kind of like having a good FICO score. It’s not a guarantee of creditworthiness, but it’s definitely an indication of reduced risk. That’s usually referring to men who “have been” in relationships, not that currently are (see above for more info on the kind of women who go after currently “taken” men).

The other factor is the taken/safe vibe that makes women much more comfortable being friendly and affectionate with a “taken” man because there’s no sexual pressure or entanglement possible. It’s just harmless flirting fun that’s never going anywhere.

tired_hillbilly · 2023-02-18T01:24:04+00:00

Some women are dumb and don't think it all the way through.

But sometimes it's accurate. Honestly don't get why it's controversial. We readily accept it exists in other situations, why not this one? "John sure likes that truck, maybe I should get that model.", "Dave sure likes the new Xbox, maybe I should get one instead of the PS5." are both uncontroversial. Why's it so hard to believe some women think "Sarah really seems happy in her relationship with Mike. I bet if they split up I should try dating him."? Sure, maybe John doesn't know shit about cars, and maybe Dave is a Microsoft fanboy, that doesn't disprove that pre-selection works on some people.

sex_throwaway999 · 2023-02-18T02:16:13+00:00

i've gotten no more attention when in a relationship than when single 🤷

SlyStocks · 2023-02-18T12:03:53+00:00

I believe it is mostly about women lowering their guard, because they know the guy has someone and therefore won‘t make a bold move on them in public.

Back when I had a gf and women from work started to be more flirty, I made the huge mistake to believe they might actually be into me.

They never were, as became obvious when I was single and tried sth.

Steakman1 · 2023-02-18T14:06:24+00:00

This is only my personal anecdote, but if you saw me in my early 20s, you would tell I wasn’t a guy who could easily get women. But when I was in a relationship with a pretty good looking woman, I was basically living in a different world with the amount of times I caught random women giving me flirty eyes, checking me out, smiling at me and then looking away once I saw them, etc. Of course I never pursued any of those women because I made a commitment to be in a monogamous relationship. Now I’m not sure how many of those women would’ve actually been open to anything with me considering they would know I was a cheater if I tried anything. But it was pretty obvious they at least found me attractive. And I know most of those women would’ve likely ignored me had they not seen me with my then gf.

jverveslayer · 2023-02-18T19:48:42+00:00

Yes, this is very real, and you don't have to be in a relationship for this effect either. I slept with a girl the other month because her friend (who I had already slept with) told her that she should do it. I've had many instances of girls coming to certain events I host because they saw their friends following me on instagram and dm-ed them asking about me. Or girls that feel comfortable around me because they see other attractive girls very comfortable and friendly around me. In my personal experience to significantly date up looks-wise has generally required some sort of jealousy/preselection dynamics in place.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-02-18T05:31:59+00:00

The gender gap has been narrowing when it comes to cheating and the percentages have been dropping for all for many decades.

Currently 80% of men never cheat and 87% of women do not.

I'm not usually a perky positive chirper but it still is pleasant to know that infidelity continues to become more rare and there is only a slight average difference between men and women; most don't cheat.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-02-18T12:25:19+00:00

Pre-selection is adverse selection: the kind of people who are into this are the kind of people you don't want a relationship with. A normal, well-adjusted person is going to take another person being in a relationship as a sign to stay away because they're not interested, and if they are, well, it's no good being with a cheater. A normal, well-adjusted person is able to make their own decisions about what they find attractive without needing other people's choices to tell them what to do.

James_Cruse · 2023-02-19T02:52:37+00:00

You’re discussing one TINY aspect of “Pre-selection” or “Social Proof” as Dr. Robert Cialdini called it. I know why you are, because the idea that “Other women like men who are already in relationships” has been studies and reported by the media ad nausaum.

Social Proof/Pre-Selection is so much more than this though - if you’re seen being “selected” by attractive women ANYWHERE, at any time: women respond positively, sometimes significantly.

Extreme Example: You’re at a bar and you’re surrounded by 4 supermodels in rapt attention, hanging on every word you say and genuinely laughing at your jokes, touching your arms, etc. = Every other woman in that venue will now (consciously or unconsciously) view you as the most attractive man in that venue, possibly the most attractive man they’ve seen for a long time. Even if there are physically MORE attractive men in the venue, the best looking women know and like you.

This is called “Mate Copying” and it’s strongly pronounced in women’s mate selection, and much less so in men’s.

A more normal example: You go into a bar or nightclub and you talk to everyone you see, have a fun, positive natural interaction with everyone briefly, telling a few jokes, genuinely asking about people and their lives and make the rounds to everyone. Everyone will begin to look at you and feel like you know everyone there (you don’t), that you’re someone likeable and important and you have the highest amount of status in that venue. Which means all the women present are going to be FAR more open to you when you talk to them and express your interest in them.

This is the exact same thing as being a man married to an attractive wife - other women see that another high quality woman has committed herself to you so you must be something special.

This is all an automatic mating response from women - it’s in-built.

This is why women will find men more attractive when they have more female options = more women like him = more valuable man = I’m nore attracted to him.

DeepHouseDJ007 · 2023-02-18T02:44:33+00:00

It’s more about the fact that when we can’t have something it only makes us want it more, and when something is challenging to get it makes getting it a lot more satisfying than getting something that anyone can get with no effort. Things that aren’t rare / challenging to get are generally seen as worthless.

Plus, forbidden fruit always tastes sweeter. There’s something about having the power to get someone in a committed relationship to desire us to the point where they’re willing to cheat on their partner that is quite satisfying to the ego.

daddysgotanew · 2023-02-18T13:56:32+00:00

It’s not real. Being in a relationship or even fucking multiple women at once has never made other women more interested in me. How would they know anyway? Especially if you have no social circles and no one knows/talks to each other.

TaxNegative161 · 2023-02-18T01:26:32+00:00

Yes, but not for the reason idiots here think.

When you are taken and committed, you talk to other women like you'd talk to dudes. You don't stare at them. You don't force conversation, you just seem supremely confident. And that's attractive.

InfamousBake1859 · 2023-02-18T04:21:44+00:00

A married man who is loyal is hot. But it doesn’t mean i want him (except my husband). If i got him, it would mean he’s not loyal and therefore a red flag. The dilemma😂

EvaViaMusic · 2023-02-18T07:01:55+00:00

Nope! Here's what's ACTUALLY happening, as per No, Women Aren't "More Into" Married Men. We're STILL Just Being Friendly:

When you're a woman, men perceive everything you do as "flirting."

Smiling politely instead of scowling = flirting.

Making eye contact instead of staring at his shoes = flirting.

Nervously playing with your hair because this dude is standing way too close = flirting.

The post continues:

For this reason, a lot of women are "curt" or "unfriendly" in interactions with men.

Unless the guy seems to be in a solid, long-term relationship...

In which case we feel like we can smile and make eye contact without him getting the wrong idea and hitting on us.

But we're still just being friendly.

Do not mistake basic human politeness for flirting.

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2023-02-18T04:46:29+00:00

It’s absolutely real. Not only does it signal that man has something a woman wants but, by getting with this man, the woman could potentially increase her social prestige if that man is high status

PrettyBeautiful7030 · 2023-02-18T06:14:24+00:00

But isn't this total bullshit?

It is bullshit. I get turnd off by this kind of behavior. When i get attracted to someone it's special, the person is special and if the person does not see me as special as i see him, I organically move on. The behavior that may seem appealing because it may be widespread push me away.

BruddaMSK · 2023-02-18T08:07:36+00:00

Yes.

duskst0ne · 2023-02-18T08:26:39+00:00

I have never seen women actually go after a guy after finding out he's taken. Some of you guys hang out with garbage people if this is the norm for you.

I do think "he has female friends and a normal dating history with at least one LTR" is a green flag in the sense that you've at least eliminated the possibility that no woman wants to be around him long-term. Like obviously he can still be awful in any other number of ways, but you've eliminated one particular type of awful with that at least.

lle-ell · 2023-02-18T12:21:12+00:00

I don't get this at all. The second I learn that a guy is taken, I back off.

anonymous-platypus1 · 2023-02-18T13:35:28+00:00

I think it only works if you have some interest or have interactions with the guy regularly. For instance if this is a guy that hits on you a lot and you reject him for whatever reason: seeing him with someone else might make you go “hmmm so he is a good guy?” Or if you have a guy you were physically interested in yet, but you’re friends and you hangout a lot, seeing how he treats his new gf or something could spark an interest.

I think it’s about seeing someone as a partner. If I saw a guy I didn’t like romantically with a girl he treated like shit, wouldn’t want him. But maybe seeing him being a great bf would spark some cursory interest.

Academic_Snow_7680 · 2023-02-18T14:07:08+00:00

Yes this is true and it is true for BOTH sexes.

How about you KTSE

LoopyPro · 2023-02-18T18:20:24+00:00

Even when a man has a female platonic friend with him, he'll be seen as more attractive by women, he doesn't necessarily need to be selected as a romantic partner.

They look at the woman that's with him and use her as a reference. If she seems to be accepting of him, it means he's probably not a threat. That takes off the edge in a vetting process.

ObviouslyAnAltAct · 2023-02-18T19:27:06+00:00

1 million percent true. It's true in the animal kingdom as well as humans (for all our lofty accomplishments we are still just animals)

somanyshawties · 2023-02-18T19:59:53+00:00

Yes and it also proves that women don’t want you, they want what you represent.

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-02-18T22:19:13+00:00

See: Pete Davidson

neetykeeno · 2023-02-19T04:47:09+00:00

Well I'm pretty sure it was the existence of a lovely house on a large patch of land we were buying together, not the existence of me personally, that had some other chick hopping on my ex husband's dick back in the early 90s when home loan interest rates in Australia were nearly 17 percent. I spoiled it for her by up and leaving way before interest rates dropped or the mortgage was paid down enough for her to just swoop in without taking on huge repayments. I left, she wouldn't move out of her public housing and take on a share of repayments so after a bit of argument between them about that she dumped him too. Too bad so fucking sad, I wrecked her planned timeline. My ex doesn't realise what a bullet he dodged...I left 92 but if I had waited until 94 she would almost certainly have started secretly trying to conceive.

Preselection as TRP likes to imagine it isn't a thing.

Any friends provide some social proof. And there are women who wreck other women's relationships for various reasons. But you're not going to have a chick who is after a house go after your marriage unless you have a house. And you're not going to have a chick break you up out of spite unless there's something specific she is spiteful about...a personal grudge or you remind her of someone she hates etc. And you're not going to have someone who is after the drama go after you if you're very undramatic sensible people. And you're not going to have a woman who goes for married men because being the other woman means blackmail power go after your marriage if the man in question clearly will end his marriage himself rather than cheat. Etc.

eye_of_gnon · 2023-02-19T04:51:49+00:00

in my experience it clearly is

AfterRemorse · 2023-02-20T10:57:40+00:00

Being able to steal a taken guy is a huge ego boost.

I'm sure there are more admirable reasons, like the fact that women will see a taken guy in a more charitable light but a significant % of women want to know if they can get him also.

Title	Is pre-selection actually real?
Author	Glass_Bucket
Upvotes	30
Comments	108
Date	February 18, 2023 1:15 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/115358m/is_preselection_actually_real/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-pre-selection-actually-real.1152260 https://theredarchive.com/post/1152260

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