Weekly FDS Chat / Check-in

cmil7731 · 2021-03-08T11:55:25+00:00

I just had a conversation with my sister about my friend who had a man at the bank pull out her phone number after she opened an account and called her later. My friend was really upset at the invasion of privacy and the audacity. My sister asked why my friend didn't report this. We live in a very Conservative and patriarchal society. My friend knew that even if she reported that man, the high ups would just brush it off and act like she should have been flattered that a man dared want her. Left us quite sad about the realities we face as women in this society.

File-Own · 2021-03-08T13:06:49+00:00

Happy International Womens Day sisters!!! 💜

Decided to read more about feminism, can anyone please suggest some books, sites etc.? Thank you in advance 💜

Mcccy · 2021-03-08T13:58:22+00:00

Men think "WamaN don't know what theY WanT" cause we try to sound polite and say "maybe" or "later" and they completely IGNORE our body language.

Newsflash scrotes, if she isn't exited to have sex with you or go on a date with you she DOESN'T WANT TO. Take the hint and go.

sleepysiri · 2021-03-08T10:10:47+00:00

Question: which moderator can I reach out to if I feel that a rule has been kind of breached?

God, I feel like one of those ladies that’s unduly like ‘where’s the manager!!?” 😭

christmasforoutlaws · 2021-03-08T13:01:23+00:00

What does everybody use that cupboard above the refrigerator for?

Edit: I keep a bunch of empty jars there because I had nowhere else to put them.

souredskittles · 2021-03-08T16:51:19+00:00

Hey y’all.

I’m writing a piece on how to spot a porn addict. It’s taking me awhile just because the topic is so dense and I’m trying to figure out how to organize it so it’s not a block of text.

Right now I’m looking for more flags/warning signs that would out a man is a porn addict before expending too much time on him.

It would be great if y’all would drop any observations you’ve had when you were with a porn addict or you can message me if it’s too personally identifying. Thank you ❤️

Yellowsunflowerlover · 2021-03-08T16:15:03+00:00

Since joining, I've dropped sooo many LVM and I'm finally learning to love myself. I'm slowly starting to build my confidence :)

sleepysiri · 2021-03-08T09:54:44+00:00

Just a comment here but after becoming more engaged with FDS, posting and commenting and whatnot, I recently had my FDS milestone of receiving private messages from incels and butthurt scrotes!

And I wonder what do they hope to achieve? Are they trying to insult or educate? Do they think I’ll drop everything I’m doing and cry, or thank them for their insight? 😂 I think it’s hilarious when I receive messages from sensitive crybabies or pickme’s.

Keep sending me messages scrotes, I’ll carry on with my day, taking my cat to our private beach and sipping mint mojitos as I watch my university lecture so that I can earn my degree and become even more successful and happy than I already am!

2021-03-09T02:15:01+00:00

[TW]

I learned that a good friends 'HVM' husband turned out to be an abusive, alcoholic NVM. He already abuses her physically and financially, even though she makes way more money than him (mandatory joined bank account). He bruises her and blackmails her with deportion when he feels like it. I feel helpless since the only support I can give her is through conversation at the moment. I know her narcissistic parents quite well to. Instead of supporting her to get away from that scrote they tell her to stay because "they don't want to loose their extended family". They advice her to go to couples counseling and to "wOrK It OuT ToGeThEr", that she "mustn't give up", that "marriage is about supporting each other (aka the woman supports the man, of course)", that "it would be such a pity to give up now" and so on. I just can't. 🤢

What baffles me is how it was possible for her to ignore the red flag so far. She claims she can only see them now, but that he shoved and pushed her years ago, even before their wedding.

From the outside he looked like a good guy. Most of him would align with FDS standards:

No 50/50 cheapskate. He always pays.
High earning, stable job.
Gentleman, polite. Seemingly HV behavior.
Warm, welcoming family. No MIL from hell. Family respects women.
Proposed under a year. Dream wedding.
Socially adapt.
No obvious addictions - didn't have any problems drinking alcohol in public despite being an alcoholic.

...and so on. I can't list all the green flags and there weren't any visible red flags over the years. I not involved enough in their life. But if I had to name a thing that didn't feel right then it would be: He didn't seem to be 100% into her. Sure he ticked the boxes and all. I doubted myself on my gut feeling on this, telling myself he shouldn't have to be all over her at social gatherings, that it would be inappropriate and stuff. But now I think different about it. A HVM isn't afraid to show his queen that he values her in front of her friends. Her presence is his present and he acts accordingly, no exception in public spaces. I would describe my friend as a HVW. This man treated her good in front of us but more like a princess instead of a queen.

Looking back I can see why: If he treated her like the queen she is in public the difference to his private "a little bit abusive" self would have become clearer back then. By 'playing it cool' he was able to LARP and trick both her and her surroundings.

So listen ladies: If he wanted to, he would. If he wanted to show you and the world his affection for you, he would. A HVM doesn't feel emasculated in your presence, on the contrary. Your presence makes him proud. Being near you is an honor for him because he values your time. No way he would play this down and keep a low profile. Your man has to value you when meeting your friends and family as well.

fdssavedmylife · 2021-03-09T17:17:54+00:00

I keep getting suggested threads about how women should start making the first move, asking men out, etc. I can’t resist contributing despite the downvotes. LVM are so blatant in their manipulation; it’s ridiculous. And pickmes won’t think it through for 2 seconds. How does women making the first move benefit us in ANY way? So you get the “opportunity” to be a bangmaid for a guy who didn’t even like you enough to message you first? UGH I want to metaphorically shake the internalized misogyny out of them.

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-03-08T15:28:29+00:00

Anyone else following the superstraight drama on Reddit?

slipperyfoots · 2021-03-08T14:50:59+00:00

I was explaining a situation to a friend about why someone was irritated with me. After I finished explaining I rounded off with: "so yeah, I'll just pop them a message once they calm down" He said: "Don't even bother. Just delete them if they're getting so nitty." I responded: "No they probably just don't see things from my point of view." And he came straight back with: "No, you've just been conditioned to ignore red flags." And if that didn't hit me like a ton of bricks. Glad I have people to tell me when my standards are slipping

lavaztar · 2021-03-08T16:16:43+00:00

I'm new here but I'm so inspired by what I've read so far.

Just got out of a very toxic abusive two year relationship that cost me a lot more than time- I lost so much sleep (I now understand this was deliberate), I lost friends, opportunities, money, and even a lot of hair that fell out from stress. My hair is 8 inches shorter now then when I met him, even though I never got it cut.

It's a long road before I'll start dating again, but I'm definitely ready to level up.

GiraffeLibrarian · 2021-03-08T12:28:56+00:00

When breaking things off with a LVM, do we just block and move on or do we talk to them about it? This guy has been lying to me and gaslighting since day one so I’m leaning toward ghosting him but I’m not sure.

Party-Promise-8840 · 2021-03-09T13:51:47+00:00

I feel so unsafe in my apartment/apartment building.

The neighbours are starting to creep me out even more than they did before. A few guys living in the building tend to stare up at the balcony and bedroom windows regularly, they’ve become more blatant about it. I live on the third floor but it’s not reassuring.

I’m not sure what to do. I feel really depressed thinking about this. I’ve just been laying on the floor with my cat trying not to cry for the last few hours. 😞

the_ghost_of_ · 2021-03-09T06:22:51+00:00

Am a wedding photographer -- I shot a wedding this weekend. A man with a face tattoo wouldn't leave me alone, going so far as to employ using his son as his wing-man, to corner me and ask me if I liked his dad after he tried to ask me to dance. I am a fierce woman who has a nasty mouth, but I ALWAYS freeze in this situations and can't use my voice to stand up for myself or be direct. Any advice? I did not want his attention at ALL, especially as I was at work.

cellard00r18 · 2021-03-10T23:14:52+00:00

It was our 1 year yesterday. Yippee! We made it! So much drama, we overcome so much to get there.

I bought him a bottle of his favourite whisky. $200, not a great amount of money but generous enough for a small occasion.

I waited all day for the doorbell to ring from the flower delivery person.

He called me when he finished work asking if he could come see me. I agreed, thinking "Awww, he wanted to give them to me in person!"

He picked me up, I sneakily tried to look in the back seat.

We went out for a drink and had something to eat at the local pub and then he dropped me home.

He is so generous in so many ways but has so many LV qualities I have tried to change over the past 365 days. I think it's time to admit I'm flogging a dead horse.

I didn't want a big grand gesture, all I wanted was fucking flowers.

Bbqchilifries · 2021-03-08T16:22:13+00:00

I have tried to make pakoras twice in the last week and i keep messing it up. They're practically burnt on the outside and somewhat raw on the inside. I wanted to bake rather than deep fry. I think it's to do with using sweet potatoes since they're much more long cooking than the other veggies. Maybe i should precook them before adding them in.

I had an amazing women's day sleepover with two of my mom's friends on Saturday. Ages 33,43, and 53. I don't drink so I got to enjoy a lot of hilarious stories and we were up until 2am at which point everyone jumped to clean the kitchen to a spotless clean in 10 minutes.

Coffeecatssunnydays · 2021-03-10T01:11:55+00:00

How long before one of you queens does a FDS podcast? We need this energy!

RecentSprinkles5997 · 2021-03-11T20:38:33+00:00

I just saw an ad for bumble encouraging women to disclose if they have mental illness or debt early into the relationship and it made me mad . Maybe I’m out of line but I’ve watched friends who were open about having mental illness or trauma get preyed upon by abusers who used that information against them . Maybe there’s just no way to avoid those type of dudes but I feel like this OLD site is giving potentially dangerous advice. What do you ladies think ?

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-03-10T23:21:26+00:00

Tried to post the following but Reddit won't let me. I tried shortening it but that's apparently not the problem.

The post that never was:

Batten the hatches: FDS has fallen into the Murdoch publishing empire's cross hairs.

For those who don't yet know, Vice-- which just trashed FDS in a column ventriliquized through the standard female sockpuppet (https://www.vice.com/amp/en/article/akdm4a/female-dating-strategy-relationship-advice)-- has been under Rupert Murdoch's control since 2013. His equally scary son James recently bought in as well. (https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/10/business/media/james-murdoch-vice-media.html).

Why would the Murdoch media monster feel threatened by FDS? First, the Murdoch empire has long had financial ties to the porn industry: https://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/story?id=132370&page=1

https://www.thefreelibrary.com/Rupert+Murdoch%27s+growing+porn+empire.-a0143720355

https://www.crikey.com.au/2009/04/24/rupert-murdoch-italian-porn-master/

Secondly, feminism just bothers the ape mentality that drives the Murdoch (UK: The Sun and The Times. Australia: The Daily Telegraph, Herald Sun and The Australian. The US: The Wall Street Journal, New York Post, HarperCollins, Fox News and 21st Century Fox until 2019. Plus fingers in fracking and gas pipelines, arms industry, education privatization, water privatization, private prisons, pharmaceuticals, etc.) and Hearst (Cosmo, Esquire, A&E, ESPN, Disney, etc.) media machines.

Does it seem odd that Vice, a magazine purported to be groovy and progressive, would be under the control of the prince of warmongering, racist, climate-change-excellerating darkness? What about all of Vice's virtue signalling coverage of BLM and #MeToo?

The latter is just cover. The tactic is called "entryism"-- entering the camp of the opposition under the guise of ally and picking it apart from the inside. It's also a political tactic going back to Plato to pave the way for totalitarian rule.

As described in political philosopher Karl Raimund Popper's The Open Society and its Enemies: The Spell of Plato, Plato advised members of the ruling class that lulling the "humanitarian element" (progressives) into supporting bits and pieces of totalitarian policy (by essentially repackaging these shards as "progressive") was the most effective way to shut down democracy. Apparently progressives have always been easy to toy with.

Of course Plato didn't use the term totalitarian but this is what Plato's proposed ideal city-state amounted to according to Popper. Then according to the late Sheldon Wolin, author of Democracy Incorporated: Managed Democracy and the Specter of Inverted Totalitarianism, there's no question that what Rupert Murdoch has angled for and championed for half a century via corporate media is a species of totalitarianism. https://youtu.be/LGc8DMHMyi8

In other words, Vice is nothing more than a neoliberal, inverted-totalitarian Trojan horse and deliverer of oligarchic shards dressed up as progressive op-eds. Anyone wondering what threat feminism poses to neoliberal power structures should read Susan Faludi's Backlash which clearly lays out the economic and ideological stakes. To understand the role of pushing Kinkmeisha-ism in gutting feminism, read Susan Brownmiller's In Our Time: Memoir of a Revolution.

Anyway, it's a mixed bag getting the attention of the Murdoch machine. On the one hand, it means FDS --and forms of femism ungoverned by men in general-- has officially been deemed a potential threat to the status quo. On the other hand it means FDS is about to be bombarded with professional level trolling, possibly in the form of corporate security industry spooks.

If that's the case, the first thing they'll do is attempt to get FDS declared a "hate group" in order to justify surveillance and in an effort to either divide and conquer women's advocacy factions or shut the group down.

Anyone who's followed Glenn Greenwald's coverage of the Snowden leaks knows that there are enough private security contractors in the US to populate the state of Nevada. They get bored. Surprisingly little of those resources go towards protecting the country from domestic and international te.rro.ri.sm. And in our neoliberal world, "public-private" ties between private and state security means that corporations can hire security contractors who double as government security agents and have access to government data.

This in turn means there's no real anonymity. Government and corporate spooks have swapped spit to dox the identities of and surveil activists who discomfit corporations or institutions or both. https://truthout.org/articles/new-documents-on-activist-surveillance-may-be-just-the-tip-of-the-iceberg/

In other words, the devil knows your name. Because the US is still ostensibly a democracy, there may not be much the devil can do about it. But it wouldn't hurt to buff up personal security. Also buckle up because the troll attacks are going to get weird. If you think porn zombies are demented, subaltern security spooks corner the market on twisted.

Theboredshrimp · 2021-03-08T14:12:05+00:00

is there an fds chat?

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-03-11T01:26:16+00:00

I was so disturbed when I found out the guy who was pursuing me (age 28) was previously seeing a 19 yr old girl... I found out many months later. And he was gonna go to Hawaii with her and her [teenage] friends. I creeped online, and she literally justt turned 19 when they met, before that she was talking about prom. Freaking prom!! whyyy. I legit felt so offended that he now was trying to get with me. And mad at myself a little for entertaining it.

cellard00r18 · 2021-03-10T23:49:07+00:00

I just want to say that I’m really in a good place right now. I feel like I’ve definitely let go of my obsession of men and longinggg for my soulmate and stopped wasting time on dating apps. My time is taken up with work, going out with friends, exercise, and volunteering. I’ve deleted all apps except one that I really don’t use and don’t really have time for. It took a while to get to this head space. Yes it would be nice to be dating but it’s just no luck in apps and no one irl I’ve met yet. So many half assed lvm. It felt good to delete them and not worry about men who just message me “wyd” every 5 days to no end. I’m just on another level that so many men aren’t qualifying for. People try to say were incels😂.No were shooing away LVM as to not waste our time. Thanks FDS

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-03-11T01:35:40+00:00

why. the. fuck. is. marrying. a. minor. legal. still. in the US

_insert_username_01 · 2021-03-09T17:30:01+00:00

This past week was good. Yesterday, I had a dermatologist appointment scheduled. My dermatologist examined my skin and said it looked good! I plan to schedule an appointment for laser therapy for my rosacea. However, I have received multiple “friend” requests from men 40+ who I don’t know. Also, I have received multiple “friend” requests from boys at my university who I don’t know. DAE deal with this too?

2021-03-11T20:25:03+00:00

I’m finding myself more annoyed by men than ever before. Reading FDS for about a year now seems to have cured me of any tendency to “give him a chance”.

PeggyHill1954 · 2021-03-12T03:18:35+00:00

I've wanted a claddagh ring for a bit now.

For those unfamiliar, a claddagh ring is a traditional Irish ring that indicates your relationship status (single, in a relationship, engaged, married) depending on its position and which hand it's on.

I previously had this little fantasy in my head that my future partner would give me one, although I worried about the ring's association with that person in the event of a break up. So, I decided to just get one for myself instead.

This way, I get to wear the ring now and the only person tied to the ring is myself. I plan to wear it as a cute little acknowledgement of any relationship I have (or lack thereof), but it's completely and entirely from me, for me.

Singular-cat-lady · 2021-03-08T13:42:47+00:00

I've been seeing this new guy for a little while and it's going very well, but it's scaring me how quickly I'm falling for him. The relationship is moving fast, but I really like him so I don't mind. As far as I can tell, he's just as into me as I am into him.

How do I know if this is real or if he's love bombing me? Do I just continue under the assumption that it's real and watch out for red flags?

Delirious_Duchess · 2021-03-09T02:33:59+00:00

Could someone please explain how people are able to post videos or images in this subreddit? Whenever I try the option is greyed out, is there a rule for how long you have to be a member, or how many posts you make first, or is there a mod you can ask for permission? Sorry if this has already been explained elsewhere!

Coffeecatssunnydays · 2021-03-10T00:33:25+00:00

[permanently deleted]

berrylikeova · 2021-03-10T16:02:33+00:00

I saw the other day there's a RaisedByMisogynists sub. Unfortunately it's been dead for awhile but I think it's a pretty great place considering how many of our relatives here are sexist. I may post there at some point and I hope others do too! We have dozens of subs dedicated to people complaining about "evil" women (specifically fckoffkaren, fcknomil, pussypassdenied, etc) so I hope this one gets more activity.

2021-03-10T16:15:31+00:00

Am i weird for feeling weird about fb group posts that talk about womens body parts, rating them and having group topics that are waaaaay too intrusive. Almost feel like we girls shouldnt be giving away such info esp to random guys in s fb group. I don't mean that i want to censor or judge women but i wonder if such info should only be given to ppl who earn the access to that info

2021-03-12T02:34:43+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-03-12T17:11:02+00:00

Just wanted to say thanks to whoever posted a link to FDS in the wallstreetbets sub. I literally never used reddit until hearing about the gamestop saga and wsb, and when I was scrolling thru wsb comments saw a link to here. So lucky.

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-03-10T21:35:36+00:00

What are your opinions on guys who like anime? I've always been weirded out by it personally, and I know some anime is basically animated porn which is obviously a no-go.

Equipoisonous · 2021-03-10T22:28:24+00:00

How soon should you ask a guy if he watches porn? How should you phrase the question to get an honest answer?

berrylikeova · 2021-03-11T20:58:48+00:00

[permanently deleted]

afrodeasyak · 2021-03-12T12:07:56+00:00

Found FDS almost a year ago when we first went into lockdown and it has done wonders, especially the fact that I now see how many of my guyfriends are LVM and how I want nothing to do with them.

ga_shina · 2021-03-14T15:26:57+00:00

Hello everyone! Just wondering if any of you use Hinge and if you ever send likes or roses? I have been sending likes although I never message first if we match and would love to know if that’s the correct strategy :)

kickasskittyfit · 2021-03-10T01:52:18+00:00

I just deleted all my dating apps! I feel nervous about this but it just had to be done. I've been manifesting great things into my life recently and I think that by deleting the dumb apps, I'm opening a door for an amazing guy to walk into my *real* life when I'm out actually living that life.

Apps only stressed me out. It was a part-time job that cost me my emotions and yes, sometimes actual money (new outfits for dates, babysitters, etc.)

Between the idiots who used it to match and then re-match with me only to tell me how butthurt they were about getting "ghosted" (maybe you just weren't a great conversationalist??) and the ones who obsessively pursued to the point where it was nauseating... And then the past couple days, I was dealing with someone I thought was interesting/smart only to find that he hasn't asked me any real questions beyond how "deep into the wine" I've been getting (the first night we texted I was sipping wine and rejecting suggestive commentary from him in my first ever attempt to stand up for my standards; I don't drink during the week so guess who hasn't texted all that much anymore?).

It's been exhausting. I'm glad to be here. I was more alone on apps then I've ever been and I'm ready to change that.

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-03-12T17:32:10+00:00

It's been a dream of mine to live in a house or apartment complex with a bunch of other women, preferably high-value to help inspire and support each other ❤️I'm starting to think it could be a reality

laurencetrishburn · 2021-03-12T17:54:43+00:00

Ladies, any tips for not giving in to make attention during a lonely and difficult time?

intergalacticanon44 · 2021-03-12T18:35:21+00:00

Any tips on navigating a small workplace with a male manager? I left my other job because the men there were overly friendly and I got a bad vibe and one of my coworkers is leaving so we’re not an all female team anymore :(

yoursultana · 2021-03-12T22:52:35+00:00

Anyone else familiar with the type of men who are extremely friendly and helpful to outsiders but resent their own wife/gf and refuse to contribute or help her. I’ve never managed to understand this flavor of depravity tbh.

Title	Weekly FDS Chat / Check-in
Author	Unlikely-Marzipan
Upvotes	63
Comments	162
Date	March 8, 2021 9:50 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/m0cf7n/weekly_fds_chat_checkin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-chat-check-in.1191088 https://theredarchive.com/post/1191088

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