Ladies, what percentage of men that have a problem finding a woman that likes him romantically are overestimating how much that problem has to do with his natural appearance?

toasterchild · 2023-05-05T12:53:35+00:00

The thing is we are talking about how attractive you have to be to get away with being socially awkward. The appearance bar is much higher if you are socially awkward than it is if you are a social, charismatic guy. Much easier to grow looks than a personality.

2023-05-05T12:05:20+00:00

I would guess it's most of them. Having social issues or being ND is going probably going to be the root cause of their issue.

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-05-05T07:33:15+00:00

I would think between 60-70% Most men aren’t that bad looking at all, (I’ve even seen videos/photos of self-confessed iNcEls and they were all normal looking guys) it’s very rare you’ve got a guy that refuses to wash and literally wears rags. Sure a good hair cut, nice clothes and smelling good all helps but if you’ve got personality problems, good clothes won’t hide it

I think the guys here in particular are good examples of guys that struggle socially but instead of getting help, they’ve isolated themselves and turn their own social problems into other people’s responsibilities

GooseneckRoad · 2023-05-05T06:24:10+00:00

I would guess at least half. There are a lot of men who can't/won't consider that their personality or their attitude (towards women, but also just in general) is the main problem. There are so, so many socially awkward men out there who don't seem to realize how awkward they are.

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-05-05T16:17:27+00:00

💯 all of them.

Popular_Accountant60 · 2023-05-05T13:46:22+00:00

I’d say a good 50%

The men I’ve met who cannot get dates at all have one thing in common : they do not know how to interact with people. They’re not even ugly but their personality comes across as annoying or weird and it’s a turn off to most women. This is just my personal experience but seems to be pretty common.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-05-05T06:18:40+00:00

Maybe 5% or less. The problem is less about men’s appearance and more about boxing above their weight.

The rest are handicapped because they don’t socialize with women.

ETA: most men here who struggle know they struggle because they lack social experience. They claim women are shallow while seeking attractive women because it’s fun to blame women for a lack of romantic or sexual success. But they ultimately know their problem is social, not physical. They all lift, or at least claim to be in excellent shape with zero body fat.

eefr · 2023-05-05T06:21:45+00:00

I don't really have a rigorous way to answer this question. I could pull a number out of my ass for you, but how would that help?

I haven't met all the people who struggle romantically, nor have I inventoried their problems. I haven't even met a few that I know of. Most men who are struggling romantically don't advertise that fact in person, and online all I see from them is text on a screen. I have no idea what most of them look like.

I can say that I've occasionally seen online people bemoan their lack of success and post a picture, and often they look perfectly fine to me. And I can say that we women reject people for many reasons beyond appearance, and that attraction is highly subjective.

So definitely some. I'll say it's a metric bunch.

Deep_Instruction4255 · 2023-05-05T12:32:22+00:00

Idk losing weight really helped me. When I went from 250 lbs to 167 lbs it was like I didn’t even have to try to pick up women. I’d go to just play guitar at the beach and come home with a different girl every other day without even asking for a number or buying anything or making anyone dinner. Now that I’m back at 220 lbs I have to put in a lot more effort especially if I want to get a girl who’s conventionally attractive

januaryphilosopher · 2023-05-05T08:45:29+00:00

As in it's his biggest problem, or it might contribute at all? For more than 90% of these men, their main problem is to do with actually socialising with women and asking them out (including being picky). People whose main problem is their looks is a fraction of the rest. As for looks contributing at all, I'm sure pretty much all men and women who aren't supermodels would find dating a bit easier if they looked a bit better. So pretty much every man who thought that his looks contributed at all would be correct, and the majority at least of men who thought their looks were the main problem would be misdiagnosing the problem (cue the "well I know women would reject me because I don't look good, so there's no point trying").

tawny-she-wolf · 2023-05-05T08:37:43+00:00

In my experience it’s often the inside that’s more problematic than the outside unless they don’t bother with basic hygiene. So I’d say 70%+ ?

Innanaspeaks · 2023-05-05T10:27:47+00:00

In my personal experience it is about 60%.

A lot of it stems from low self esteem- being unable to escalate, refusing to learn how to flirt and build tension. (Its too hard! Its not "me'!, why do I have to do this?)

There was a guy on here who said that he sets his sights on a girl and he either builds a whole romance in his head, so when he finally approaches or ' confesses' his emotions are very strong, overwhelming- or the opposite, he thinks that on paper they would be a good match and so asks a girl out cold without building any tension first a d hopes atraction will develop. Neither approach works for him.

I prefer something in between. I'd never go on a cold date, and I'd never go out with a guy who is already totally infatuated with me without really knowing me. I'm also someone who is attracted straight away - or not. Its never going to develop with exposure.

They also try to 'stealth date' by creating 'covert contracts' which they use to try to build emotion without actually having to do the social skills work. It allows them to stay in their safe bubble - but its never going to work.

The news is: no amount of doing things for me or buying things for me will create attraction - it'll probably make me feel uncomfortable. Don't try to act like my boyfriend without actually having the job! (So to speak) its creepy.

The other mistake i see is ignoring compatibility over looks. Im a Goth - so many nerdy guys have tried to date me - whilst telling me i should go to comic con with them- but i can go to goth bars, clubs, gigs etc. On my own. I dont want to watch Dr Who with them and they dont want to go on a full day hike with me.

It only works when you can share things and at least appreciate what the other is into.

Lost-Zebra6453 · 2023-05-05T10:29:54+00:00

Most. It’s usually lack of social skills, and unrealistic expectations

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-05-05T13:44:54+00:00

I would guesstimate that it’s the majority. Easily 65 to 75% of men overestimate this.

Men overestimate how much women value looks and underestimate how much women value character

zaph239 · 2023-05-05T19:10:05+00:00

Waste of time asking this question because women find it impossible to face their true nature. What a women will tell you about herself and how she actually behaves are as different as night and day.

Women will say looks don't matter, that it is all about a guy being caring, funny and a decent man. When in reality, if Mr 6'3" and squared jawed comes along, they throw themselves at him in a heartbeat.

Hi_Iamlexi · 2023-05-05T10:29:09+00:00

More than half at least. So many times I see men saying it’s their looks and it’s 10000% their shitty personality.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-05-05T13:01:02+00:00

lol@ asking women about "percentages" whats wrong with all of you

Forsaken_Berry_75 · 2023-05-05T09:02:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Sophiatab · 2023-05-05T13:52:41+00:00

99.9%. Women can easily love an ugly guy provided he treats her with respect and kindness (because it's so rare for men to actually do that). I see beautiful women with nuclear mutant guys all the time. I have yet to witness a handsome guy with a plain women unless she's rich enough to buy him.

AutoModerator · 2023-05-05T06:05:57+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

MistyMaisel · 2023-05-05T12:18:06+00:00

Somewhere between 70-90% depending on what we mean by natural appearance.

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2023-05-05T12:59:49+00:00

Maybe 25% and I think it’s because of hygiene issues mainly.

I’ve seen all types of men have girlfriends (that are their equals). Short, bald, physical disabilities, fat, ugly, and any combination of them all.

I worked with an older (older than me, most of these men were in their late 50’s) population. These men obviously aren’t models and some never were good looking but they would have gfs, wives, and children. The men who were never in a relationship were the ones who were incredibly unbearable to be around. They would be fine until the second they open their mouth.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-05-05T13:27:14+00:00

I’d say at least 50%. You have your average looking guys who think they’re ugly and that’s why they can’t get a date, and you have your guys who think they are average but are actually below average or don’t take care of themselves and think that they can’t get a date because women are too picky. In both cases, lack of social skills is almost always the real core of the problem. And/or only trying for women who are out of their league. Other things like living at home and chronic unemployment can factor in to making an average looking man less desirable too. An average looking guy with good social skills and a job and a place of his own will not have trouble dating average women.

2023-05-05T14:44:07+00:00

IDK I'd say 30%. There are a significant amount of men who think that how they look doesn't matter, but that they're entitled to significantly young and insanely gorgeous women simply because they're male.

While most men don't take great care of themselves aesthetically, most people do punch within their looks match. I don't think that men are often rejected for how they look when dating women in their own looks group. I think that men are more so rejected because of their shit personalities and general incapability to be a partner that provides emotional and mental support or availability within a relationship.

I typically see men getting rejected for being overly sexual, inconsiderate, and just generally self absorbed people that don't care at all about the wants and needs of the person that they're trying to date.

Excellent_Badger123 · 2023-05-05T16:11:04+00:00

Judging by what’s posted here, I’d say 70%.

thetacobitch · 2023-05-05T16:21:07+00:00

I would argue over 90%. I know some real uggos that have had plenty of girlfriends, and it’s not like they’re out here making 200k+ a year. Men love to complain in this sub about “Chads” but at the end of the day it’s just about being able to have quality conversations and connect with other human beings. Men that complain about being too ugly for women likely give off bitter, aggressive, and weird energy that women pick up on. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. Walk into a Walmart or literally any public place and you’ll find plenty of average and below average looking men with women. You don’t have to look like Channing Tatum and you don’t have to make six figures. Just be confident and normal lol

pedzuo · 2023-05-05T17:02:49+00:00

Maybe 95% plus. I know so many good looking dudes who are socially awkward and can’t get women (literally just look on the incel forums, half those guys aren’t bad looking). I, however, have never met someone extremely outgoing and neurotypical who struggles w women.

Forsaken_Berry_75 · 2023-05-06T00:28:24+00:00

begayallday · 2023-05-06T09:36:22+00:00

I wouldn’t even be able to guess at percentages. I had a personal policy of going out with any guy who asked me at least once, unless he had any major dealbreakers (religious, conservative values, chronically unemployed). If I declined to go out with him a second or third time, it was always due to his personality. I’m not really physically attracted to men at all, but they can become more or less attractive to me based on personality.

2023-05-07T06:40:11+00:00

I would say quite a lot.

The thing is most unattractive men don't look unattractive because of their natural appearance, but because they don't make themselves look nice. They wear shitty clothes, shitty haircut, don't exercise, no skincare, poor hygiene and so on.

And how many times have you heard a man saying they can't find someone because they have an awful personality? Never. When indeed that's the case. But that would be harder to admit, so they tell themselves it's their looks which they can't do anything about.

Comments