Q4M: how would you treat women if you were your ideal self?

abaxeron · 2023-07-28T15:00:39+00:00

I don't know.

If I was born a genetic lottery winner in a family that didn't put active effort into extinguishing my potential and didn't spend weekends recreationally shouting at and plotting against each other, my entire life would have been completely different, resulting in me growing up as completely different person.

mrcs84usn · 2023-07-28T14:54:06+00:00

I’d probably have spent more time in the casual dating space (if i was younger), but after a while I’d do what I’m currently doing. Clubbing & Partying gets kinda unfulfilling.

weaverofjoy · 2023-07-28T15:47:37+00:00

I'd look for the one.

As a lot of men here think that high value men are exempt from being monogamous or treating their partners with kindness/respect because they’re short in supply

Part of being the ideal man is being a kind/respectful person. If I was the ideal man I'd be a lot kinder and less hotheaded than I currently am.

Lovers691 · 2023-07-28T14:41:29+00:00

I’ll find a woman to be my wife, get married and start a family as soon I get a steady job

katyushas_boyfriend · 2023-07-28T16:30:39+00:00

make them simp for me and spend money on me 💯

uselessloner123 · 2023-07-28T15:12:47+00:00

If I’m being honest I’d be a lot more picky and selective with who I would date. And I would have a much lower tolerance for character flaws for developing a person. I would look for Stacy rather than being willing to develop a girl.

I’d still want a virgin and I’d be a virgin because it’s a core belief of mine, but I’d have higher standards and be more impatient

BlueMountainDace · 2023-07-28T15:09:17+00:00

I'd do exactly what I'm doing now except that I'd be more diligent about being a good cook so that my wife doesn't have to cook as much of our weekly meals.

As someone who is traditionally attractive and has become well-off and has had my pick of women, I never felt much of a compulsion to sleep around. I saw, growing up, that your choice of partner has an outsized impact on many parts of your life - health, wealth, career, etc - for better and for worse. And, based on that, I was really just focused on learning who I was in a relationship and what I need in a relationship.

As far as what I do for my partner, I've supported her throughout her journey in medicine including doing most housework and covering most of our living expenses. Importantly, I don't see what I've done as a sacrifice but as an investment. And, in parallel, I've found the space and time to become really successful in my own field of work.

And, having done a lot of work to figure myself out as a father and husband, I've refocused a lot of my time on getting fitter because I want to be able to run around with my kid without being an old man.

Finally, like I said at the top, I want to become a better, more confident cook because I don't want my wife to have to spend hours cooking with what little free time she has.

ShizoDijagnoza · 2023-07-28T17:15:14+00:00

Find a billionaire wife, which aligns with my moral and ethical values
Be a stay at home husband, tending to a huge garden, I really love flowers, especially roses, so I would pretty much invest heavily in a huge garden, like those palace type gardens.
That's about it. I would like to also finish a PhD in the meantime, maybe work part-time for some greater good with no real pay. My main topic of interest is world hunger, and that is a multilateral issue that would probably take up the rest of my free time, maybe even steer my spouse in the direction of resolving some of the issues with it.

Anti_Thing · 2023-07-28T21:53:10+00:00

I'd immediately lock down a wife. My behaviour wouldn't change (at least I hope so!), I'd just get married quickly because, as you say, I essentially have my pick of women. I'd continue to abstain from sex outside of marriage, & once I do get married I'd treat her well. I don't see why my attractiveness should change how I treat her.

platinirisms · 2023-07-28T14:42:56+00:00

I’d find one woman that fits all my standards and enjoy life with her the same way I’d try to do now. Except that my ideal self would be richer so we’d go on more holidays or expensive restaurants.

Although instead of expecting her to work and pay the bills, I’d probably want her to be a stay at home mum too to take care of the house/kids while I’m working.

Happy_Nuclear_End · 2023-07-28T14:44:08+00:00

Like disposable fleshlights.

cjt11203 · 2023-07-28T15:03:07+00:00

I’d probably put up with less stuff but since I’m kind of a loser as long as I’m attracted to her and she reciprocates feelings towards me I’ll tolerate a lot.

Hoopy223 · 2023-07-28T15:06:23+00:00

Broke + fit and on drugs I dated lots of women short term but never really committed because I knew that I was a basket case and it would likely fail. A couple of them asked me to move in and I declined. “With all my problems you want me in YOUR house? Shit” lol.

When I was fit and making good money I had a few flings and then a steady girlfriend whom I really liked. Unfortunately she wasn’t that great of a person and I lost my job.

baresquad · 2023-07-28T15:10:22+00:00

I’m my ideal self. The main thing I don’t do is box myself in. Like it doesn’t have to be either or in regards to sleeping with as many women as I can or finding a relationship, I do both.

When in a relationship, I’m as faithful and committed as can be.

KingWhoCared86 · 2023-07-28T15:27:40+00:00

I generally think if I were super fit and rich, I’d be ironically a worst version of myself. I’d be less humble and probably sleep around with as many women as I could. But I don’t think it would really make me happy in the long run either. But on the other side, I’m socially awkward and more interested in companionship, but being unsuccessful in dating turned me into a bitter asshole. And in being a sarcastic bitter asshole somehow that gave me more success in the dating market. So when I gave up looking for a woman, one landed in my lap. So in the end, who the hell knows?

PMmeareasontolive · 2023-07-28T16:05:00+00:00

Would you sleep with as many women as you could, or would you try to find your person?

Here's the thing that is difficult to know: do I have "my person"? Part of being below average is that there are lots of little quirks that make me a tough match. They aren't even flaws necessarily, but they are just unusually shaped puzzle pieces. Now, the very few women I have to select from (that is, where we are mutually interested) are going to have the same amount (but different) of idiosyncrasies.

Somebody said it very well here recently; "rather than a "soul mate" the best you can hope for is someone whose neuroticism is compatible with your own".

Welcome to below average dating.

Now: is above average dating different? Do you find people who are more emotionally healthy and capable of enjoying life across many dimensions without constantly freaking out about something? I have no idea. Maybe, if you believe the attractive receive generally better treatment all their lives and have less trauma to process, etc

And if you were in a relationship, how would you being your ideal self affect how you acted in that relationship? As a lot of men here think that high value men are exempt from being monogamous or treating their partners with kindness/respect because they’re short in supply

I rambled too much above so I'll wrap up - I'd definitely be kind. I've always been grateful for any kindness I've received. I like monogamy as pair bonding but I'm not convinced that I want to be monogamous forever, not sure if that would change if I were transformed and transported to the magical fairyland of the beautiful.

KayRay1994 · 2023-07-28T17:04:25+00:00

i’d like to think that id treat them more or less the same (ie. as individuals) though the prospect of multiple new options might overwhelm me at first and cause me to act out a little bit before falling back to earth

quantumpencil · 2023-07-28T17:15:38+00:00

The same way I do now. I'm already very financially successful, I could buy a high n count if I wanted to.

I want monogamy/love. That means refraining from behavior that decouples sex from love and damages your ability to bond with and invest in one person in a genuine way. No hookups, no sex outside of committed LTR's. My goal is love/marriage (take 2 lol) and i'm only interested in women who share those goals/values and live a similar conservative lifestyle.

jonascf · 2023-07-28T17:17:34+00:00

I would treat women the same and have the same type of relationships that I have today.

Ayaka_Simp_ · 2023-07-28T17:20:04+00:00

I'd smash a bunch of cuties and then settle down with my wife. I don't think anything would change about how I treat them, except viewing them as easily replaceable.

Workaholiconew · 2023-07-28T19:06:23+00:00

The same as now?

I dont have an ideal self, but I am pretty close to what I consider ideal for myself... so...

DaSemicolon · 2023-07-29T00:24:29+00:00

Same as current. I try to act the best I can 100% of the time

Couple of side notes. My appearance has no affect on my actions, just acts as a “negative” probability of success in my head, mostly to temper expectations.

I find very few women attractive enough for me to even be interested (not talking just physically. I like what I like vOv), so I’m not rly into hookup culture or anything like that. Sex to me is smtg I want to do with a life partner, but I only hold that view very personally. Idc what my partner did previously or how they view sex, especially since people change all the time.

decoy88 · 2023-07-28T15:07:15+00:00

Exactly as I do rn.

More threesomes probably.

wtknight · 2023-07-28T15:29:47+00:00

I wouldn’t do anything differently. I got my ideal marriage without becoming my ideal self. The only thing is that I wish that I would have improved myself enough sooner, as I was far from my ideal self in my 20s.

bread93096 · 2023-07-28T15:00:39+00:00

I’d be nice to them, but I wouldn’t commit. Just casually date around, keep a few regular FWBs, hookup when I feel like it. Never get married.

gntlbastard · 2023-07-28T19:27:43+00:00

I'd treat them like I do today - a completely disposable and optional component. They provide no real use in my life. Maybe someone nice to look at for a limited time, but in the long run just not worth it.

BioNipple · 2023-07-28T21:02:32+00:00

I have no idea. I'd try to participate in hook up culture for a few weeks. Because I need to keep up with my future wife who is probably also going to do a hoe phase by default.

2023-07-28T15:22:38+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Nyx_the_hexer · 2023-07-28T15:44:48+00:00

I doubt it. I can change myself physically, emotionally I still don’t think I’d be good for anyone.

Too much baggage.

SillyMushroomTip · 2023-07-28T16:47:16+00:00

Honestly I just want to date a young skinny girl, tired of dating women with kids or in there mid 30s

SorryEm · 2023-07-28T15:14:31+00:00

Top 10%? I'd get my multiples wives, as is allowed in Islam.

Top 0.001%? I wouldn't even get married at that point, I'd just find some taller high IQ women to be surrogates, then hire a nanny to take care of my kids.

NoOne_143 · 2023-07-28T15:57:28+00:00

Top 10% is not a big deal. It's like every other guy in my uni.

noafrochamplusamurai · 2023-07-28T16:40:31+00:00

I'm mostly my ideal self right now, couple things I have to work. Mainly that I'm still too much of "An island unto himself" and people will disqualify themselves sometimes because they sometimes feel like "less than" to quote a woman that I was pursuing once " You have too many options , women don't want to deal with that."

The way I treat women is pretty simple. They are people with their own lives, and motivations just like I am. They will do what they believe is their best interest. Mostly they want someone that will listen, and "see" them. Connect with them on an intellectual level, someone that they can be unguarded around.

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obviousredflag · 2023-07-28T15:30:16+00:00

I am not my ideal self, nor in the 10%, but i have realized that life for the most part. What i did was I would find my person and have an open relationship with her, that allows me to treat her with respect and kindness while also sleeping with as many woman as i could and she is able to handle emotionally. I change how i acted in relationships in the way that i can create them in a way that suits my values, needs and wants, because i can pick a fitting partner easily, instead of making it work with the one person who didn't reject me.

thewhiteknight17 · 2023-07-28T16:29:30+00:00

Probably the girl I truly love would feel the same way if I was in the top 10%, I don’t need anything more than her. But if for some reason she still doesn’t like me then pump and dump like there’s no tomorrow.

pandenubes · 2023-07-28T17:11:40+00:00

I’d do my best to live my life normally, while both being aware of my previous life as a “below average male” and my current life as a “high value” male.

In other words, to not let myself change too radically. To achieve a balance, and not rely too much on these “social statuses.”

grown_folks_talkin · 2023-07-28T17:28:34+00:00

I'm not my ideal self but I've had some good fortune in the past 10-11 years, apart from having to end my marriage 6-7 years ago. Looking back, I really felt myself for the first 2 years post-separation. Since then I've had different ENM setups with one partner that's been consistent the last 4 years.

If my SMV/RMV were that high at an earlier age I think I'd have done the same with some period of wild oats followed by super-high standards but also honest communication with women.

For high SMV/RMV men monogamy is entirely a choice but from what I've seen most guys with crazy options gravitate towards monogamy or situations with a clear #1 where all women involved know the deal. Having multiple women where all are jostling to be #1 is stressful in the long term.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2023-07-28T17:46:10+00:00

I am at least a top 10% man, more likely 5%, and I have my pick of women.

It was not always like this. I spent most of my life frustrated with my lack of success with women and with options that were few and far between.

So there was a period where I was definitely filling the hole of my insecurity by having sex with as many women as possible.

Now I've slowed down a bit and I am more selective about who I spend my time with. I usually have a few FWBs who I like a lot, both to hang out with and have sex with, with an occasional hookup with someone else thrown in.

If you told me that I could have the type of idealized, Blue Pill love I always imagined existed, where I would have one devoted woman where we were completely in love with each other, complemented each other perfectly, made each other better, and had passionate sex forevermore, I would take that in a second and be monogamous for the rest of my life.

I'm admittedly hesitant to pursue an LTR because of my past experiences of feeling used in a relationship and not truly valued. I was not a very confident man in those times, so I blame myself mostly. But the disillusionment has made me skeptical about finding that amazing relationship that I really want.

There have been a couple women who I thought about going for it with. One who I decided was not worth that kind of commitment after a while. Another who I still think about as a possibility. Right now our life circumstances, mostly geographic, prevent something more. But so far I think she's amazing. Maybe something will happen down the road.

Until then, I'm having fun and enjoying the abundance of options I have. I examine myself regularly and ponder whether I'm still trying to compensate for lingering insecurity. I don't think it's usually the case but I think it comes out sometime. I'm working on that and trying to build a completely authentic confidence that I never had in my life. I'd like to have that before going for that LTR of my dreams.

I realized I didn't answer all of your questions yet.

Would you sleep with as many women as you could, or would you try to find your person?

Kind of both, but mostly right now mostly maximizing the pleasure of sexual experience. This does not always mean as many women as I can. I like to have something going to build on with someone like a FWB, where there are emotional things outside the bedroom that enrich the experience and we can go deeper with various things in the bedroom over time. So I go for quality over quantity.

Also, I'm casually looking for my person, as I mentioned before.

And if you were in a relationship, how would you being your ideal self affect how you acted in that relationship?

I really hope that when I find someone to have a long-term relationship with that my increased confidence and sense of self-worth allow me to succeed where I failed before. I had no options before so I did not defend boundaries, which caused my partners to lose respect for me and cheat on me and/or dump me. I now have the confidence to defend boundaries and I will not tolerate any disrespect. I believe not being a pushover next time will go a long way.

Otherwise I just feel a tremendous gratitude for having options and access to satisfaction (and, hopefully, true happiness) in a way that many other men do not have. This has given me a spirit of generosity toward other people that I hope will give me a good chance for success in a future relationship.

MarBitt · 2023-07-28T18:38:15+00:00

If I was my ideal (that would require much more than just being in the TOP 10%), then I would prefer long-term relationships with a smaller group of attractive and intelligent women which would go well with each other. So situation where I am such an attractive partner that women are willing to share me and be faithful to me at the same time.

I don't really like casual dating and sex (except in situations where it is given by circumstances and not by intention), I prefer to first create an emotional bond and get to know the woman a little.

I would prefer my dominance in sex and respect, kindness and generosity in everyday life. I would benefit from the fact that I can turn each of my woman and child into a wealthy person. So I could have multiple wifes (legally or unofficially and as many children as the women themselves wanted.

It is also possible that even if I were my ideal, I simply will not meet enough attractive, quality and compatible women to want to connect my life with them and have children with them, and in the end I would consider it a win if I could find at least one.

M3taBuster · 2023-07-28T18:57:09+00:00

If I was my "ideal self", I would presumably have a GF/wife, so I would be free from the mentality of always being on the look-out for potential romantic partners and just treat women as if they were men.

To answer the other question directly: I would choose a monogamous relationship rather than casual sex.

beleidigtewurst · 2023-07-28T18:58:24+00:00

a lot of men here think that high value men are exempt from being monogamous

Isn't that how overwhelming majority of celebrities, including crazy nerds like Bill Gates, behave?

domdomdom333 · 2023-07-28T19:24:24+00:00

Depends on how much experience I have when I reach the ideal self.

If I'm then as inexperienced as I am now would probably the best time to play around and catch up on life. If I've already experienced something definitely aim to settle down. Might be sick of road trips and traveling by then.

Rhinosaur666 · 2023-07-28T19:44:52+00:00

I have been my ideal self for quite a while. I've done it all, slept with many women, gotten into relationships and gotten married. It all depended on what I WANTED at the time, not what some woman wanted. I went looking for what I wanted until I found it.

SoulBadguy0408 · 2023-07-28T19:49:30+00:00

Hook up a lot at first, eventually find someone to settle down with and have a healthy relationship tho

StrikingAd8556 · 2023-07-28T20:33:35+00:00

Depends, would I have the world view I have now, or since if I was that person I wouldn't have had these experiences, would I be naive because of the halo effect?

When I was young I believed in love. I wanted to meet my life partner. Thankfully it did end up working that way, but I was repeatedly unfaithful in the beginning of our relationship because of my negative view of women and my need for female validation. Thankfully she stuck with me through that and I grew and matured a lot. She didn't deserve half of the stuff I put her through.

I imagine if I had been my ideal self I would have held onto that perception of purity. If I was my ideal self with my current mindset I would probably capitalize on it sexually and just use for their bodies. I saw a porn clip of a guy who was revealed to be a soccer player having a foursome. He is over 6'2, athletic, big penis, and likely rich. The fact that this guy by virtue of his genetics can have three women want to have sex with him simultaneously just because of their mutual attraction to him would be such an ego boost.

This question is good though because honestly I have no clue who my ideal self even is and I should probably do some time reflecting on that. I know I want to be in better health so I can protect my family. I want to be a good father and a good husband. I want the people in my life to feel that I have impacted them positively. I want to set the bar high for my children when it comes time for them to find a partner. But despite these sort of vague and ambiguous statements, I can't really envision who I want to be in all of that like what I look like and how I compose myself.

Bandit174 · 2023-07-28T23:54:52+00:00

Not sure. I think I'd either just get a really cute low body count girl and pair off or become a fuckboy.

odd_cloud · 2023-07-29T00:57:27+00:00

Let’s imagine I look like a model and everything about initial stage of interaction comes effortlessly for me.

I cannot say I would treat women differently. I think, I’d approach most women I like, have many sexual partners, and try new things sexually until the age of 27-29. Then I’d get married.

macone235 · 2023-07-29T01:13:42+00:00

By ideal self I just mean whatever you consider to be a top 10% man, let’s say if you were tradionally attractive and well-off and essentially had your pick of women.

Top 10% or bottom 10% doesn't really matter. Women don't like you when you're the bottom 10%, and women don't like you when you are the top 10%. They only like the things that you provide once you get to the top 10%. Not to be woeful, but it's the truth.

Would you sleep with as many women as you could, or would you try to find your person? And if you were in a relationship, how would you being your ideal self affect how you acted in that relationship? As a lot of men here think that high value men are exempt from being monogamous or treating their partners with kindness/respect because they’re short in supply

I'll be honest, my only intention to be in a long-term relationship is to start a family and get a tax break. I'll pick the best genes my status can attract when I'm ready, and then I will occasionally put a blue-pill cap on to pretend that I love her. Deep down it won't be genuine, because it can't be.

Eventually, I'll be wore out from playing pretend, and we'll probably go our separate ways after the kids get older. Depending on what my status is like then, maybe I'll continue to feed my ego with women. I won't ever cheat though. I have too much respect for any person regardless of how I feel about them to fully betray their trust. My motto is, if I'm going to lie about loving you, then I can at least act like I do, so no infidelity.

This may seem cold and dark to some, but in reality, it's a reciprocal relationship showcasing a man doing the exact same thing a woman does - loving what the other one has to offer them. I'm just more conscious about it.

Warm_Gur8832 · 2023-07-29T01:29:21+00:00

I would love them because they’re just cool to have around.

Not absolutely everything has to be about your ability to eternally bone other people.

Even ones you find hot, you can still hang out with and play important parts in each other’s lives, even if you never smash.

It’s sad that this is something so few people seem to understand.

But just because you’re attracted to women, even particular ones, doesn’t mean you then must have every part of your entire concept of them be about sex.

im-so-sorry-himiko · 2023-07-29T02:31:13+00:00

If I were my ideal self, I'd be a woman, lol (no, seriously)

But if I were a "HVM" I guess I would have about as much sex as I do now. Very sparingly, honestly sex just isn't something I enjoy that much.

Probably wouldn't go searching for a soul mate since I'm an anthrophobe, so I guess all in all, I would just enjoy the increased rate compliments and not worry about girls too much

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2023-07-30T10:54:26+00:00

The same way I do now. With mutual respect and kindness. Like I try to do with everyone irl.

Title	Q4M: how would you treat women if you were your ideal self?
Author	Ill_Inspection5225
Upvotes	27
Comments	138
Date	July 28, 2023 2:38 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15bzahn/q4m_how_would_you_treat_women_if_you_were_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-how-would-you-treat-women-if-you-were-your.1226758 https://theredarchive.com/post/1226758

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