First date ever at 28 and got rejected next day

ComplexLife325 · 2020-07-14T03:21:27+00:00

You should never overtly bring up sex in a conversation. You can make hints and allude to it, but you should never overly say something like "do you want to talk about sex now?" That is a huge turn off for women. Women like to communicate covertly, not overtly. Maybe she was more forward in her texts, but you should never bring it up directly in person. You need to build tension and excitement.

Also this girl sounds like a low quality girl. No high value individual would ever say something like "anyone without a lot of friends is a terrible person." It sounds like she might be a terrible person lol.

Anyway, chalk this one up as experience and move on to the next one.

ophiserys · 2020-07-14T06:24:14+00:00

Jesus Christ I don’t even want to finish reading this.. seriously “let’s spice things up and talk about sex” oh man that’s reason enough to just end the date right there

Also unless you can make it cute and flirt.. if the date isn’t going well asking if she remembers your name is just going to make it so much worse...

She did some pretty red flaggy stuff as well, you both fucked up

ZlatanAgrees · 2020-07-14T03:16:32+00:00

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PowerfulBlaze · 2020-07-14T03:23:55+00:00

this actually worked out well for you, you already analyzed your date and knew what you could do better! No reason to be depressed, your on the journey Bro! no ones nailed it from the first time, just the way life is, keep going and put yourself out there and grow your experience and confidence, F depression and anxiety! STAY STRONG ! ♥

Undercovermother19 · 2020-07-14T05:35:54+00:00

I have a few points about what went wrong on the date:

Never talk about sex, religion and politics on a first date. You can be funny but not goofy and funny.
You gave into her too much. Ie. When she asked you to flirt more with her. She was just using you for attention and perhaps a free meal. She shit tested you a whole lot and you were not able to identify them so you gave into them.
She does not respect you. Cut your losses and move on.
Good try my man. The only way to improve is to go on as much dates as you possibly can and learn your lesson from each one and apply it to the next. Better luck next time.

SOCCER_MOM_BRAWL · 2020-07-14T04:31:15+00:00

"She immediately says that if a person has no friends it means they're a terrible person and nobody wants to be around them for that reason. "

red flag from her

donaldtrumpsmistress · 2020-07-14T04:39:50+00:00

Go on a lot more dates. It's gonna be learned and there's no way you're batting your first date ever out of the park even if you read every post on this sub and every book out there. So much of it you just have to learn by practice and you're going to get rejected a lot in the process.

Also work on going out and socializing more, it'll help correct those weird behaviors that turned her off and get you grounded. Which I mean is kinda hard RN because of the whole pandemic thing depending what country you're in.

Don't even worry about sex that's gonna have to be the last thing on your mind for now. Just focus on going out more, interacting with more women, enjoy the interactions and pay attention to which things turn her off and which things flow well, learn from it.

opper-hombre1 · 2020-07-14T05:12:07+00:00

Never in my life has a date asked me if I have a lot of friends

Snoo74748 · 2020-07-14T02:48:27+00:00

Woman love social proof, lie your way if you have too imo, especially she asks if you have a lot of friends and such. She's not gonna ask for proof or something.

This is just proof looks is not as important to women as they think. You're 6'5 and she said you should be a model, but you said something that automatically repelled her of you. Working on game should help more.

PowerfulBlaze · 2020-07-14T06:53:38+00:00

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DallasPlumber · 2020-07-14T03:33:57+00:00

Honestly, there's some play issues at hand, but really the chick seemed rough to work with. She's one of those that will throw you curveballs, and you gotta be light enough to deflect it.

Don't let it beat you up, just learn from it and move on. one chick isn't something to worry about

ModernShaker3 · 2020-07-14T13:51:00+00:00

Date again. You are young.

heretherenowthen · 2020-07-14T04:40:13+00:00

This girl sounds extremely shallow and rude judging from her initial statements about friendsa nd blah blah blah. You missed out on nothing.

Jacob_961 · 2020-07-14T06:05:10+00:00

You’re gonna get ripped here. Be prepared for it:

let’s talk about sex was a facepalm moment. Makes you sound like a sociopath.
when she says “red flag” or comments negatively about you, you don’t try to defend yourself. You just say I enjoy the company of people that care for me deeply and I don’t like crowds and if it truly a red flag, you should probably drop me home because you’re gonna be wasting your time. ... like this she will apologize and she will treat you better.
when a girl texts you the she wants to flirt, sext with her.

Anyway you got a lot of emotional maturing you need to do and I would really suggest you to fuck a few paid whores so you are comfortable around women sexually.

Slut_Slayer9000 · 2020-07-14T15:07:03+00:00

This whole date sounds really cringe tbh

OP I understand where you are coming from though since you are inexperienced so I will cut you some slack.

Next time, fuck picking the girl up. Meet her for drinks at a bar, get there before her and have a drink to loosen up. Be more chill, be way more funny, and just try to "vibe" with her. Don't ask her 50 questions. Don't change the conversation topic to sex, thats also cringe. BUT with saying all this, its a start and you gotta start somewhere. Go on about 50 dates and you'll see what I mean.

wirelezz · 2020-07-14T05:40:02+00:00

Dude I remember one of my first dates and it was absurdly cringey. Like me silent for most of the time. I was like, really bad lol. Later on I got to learn so much. But what I can really tell you is: 1. Please read Models by Mark Manson 2. She didn't sound like an actual quality woman. 3. You will get better! 4. Great job.

themarajade1 · 2020-07-14T03:20:16+00:00

Nah she’s insane. Most adults barely have 1 friend. My (25F) best friend (24F) and I see each other like, once or twice a year at BEST and don’t speak that often. Reddit is where I spend most of my social media time. She just has extremely high/unrealistic expectations for a partner. And not just that but she has an enormous amount of red flags herself. (See: assuming and accusing you of only wanting sex and twisting your words; assuming and accusing you of being an asshole bc you don’t have double digit numbers of friends; doesn’t even remember your name???)

TL;DR you dodged a bullet, my guy.

Additional advice: it’s generally bad to say “well we’ve covered all the other topics, let’s talk about sex” especially in the first date. That convo should come naturally and can make people feel generally pressured. Also, if you feel like you need to come to reddit for advice after a first date, it didn’t go as well as you want to believe it did. Just keep trying, you’ll get there.

frogpeoplearecoming · 2020-07-14T07:43:12+00:00

"No" and she automatically says that's a "red flag"

She immediately says that if a person has no friends it means they're a terrible person and nobody wants to be around them for that reason.

She sounds like a very closed minded person. First of all there are people who randomly don't have a lot of friends. Like they moved to a new town. It also depends on what people mean by 'friends'.

I told her if she wants to spice things up let's talk about sex since we already covered everything and I carried the convo at this point.

If you carried the convo she was bored (or shy). Also if you covered everything you probably aren't a great fit. Conversation is supposed to be fun and engaging. 'Covering' sounds boring. Like you interviewed each other.

And you don't ask to talk about sex or any other topic. That makes everything forced. You organically talk and when you want to talk about sex just start slowly talking about sex(you totally don't have to btw).

Talking about sex in this way makes you seem socially uncalibrated.

she was already sold that I just wanted to sleep with her which is not true!

Randomly starting about sex makes anybody think that.

explained that every guy brings a condom with them if they're going to see a girl just incase

Like the friend thing you start explaining and defending yourself. This looks weak and insecure. You are must better of with joking and teasing about this. Like saying: yeah I brought a condom, but don't worry it is for the girl after you.

She will laugh and drop it.

It is tough. But everybody gets rejected. Even guys who have had sex with dozens of girls. You try and fail and learn.

I wouldn't expect anything from a first date ever. You have no idea how to have a good date yet.

You will fail at anything that is worth having at least for a couple of tries.

KinkieKutie · 2020-07-14T04:54:49+00:00

Listen, with her judging you within the FIRST 30 MINUTES, babe you dodged a bullet. Just keep doing what you're doing and be honest, you may have to pace what you reveal so as not to overwhelm your dates, but do be honest about all things. Remember dates are to get to see if you click, sex isn't to be discussed UNLESS she brings it up (women know whether or not they want to before even revealing it), spend that time discussing other things about each other.

19abto · 2020-07-14T05:01:09+00:00

Please forgive my ignorance and just sheer lack of understanding, but why are you depressed/socially anxious/have minimal female experience, if you’re literally the epitome of what the majority of females day-dream about (6’5 tall, model looks) ? Maybe it’s because I don’t have a lot of tall friends (I’m 5’10), but I always thought guys like you - maybe from what social media/books on “Power” spews - are getting every smokin’ hot female in sight, are loaded with $$$, and just have overall internal well-being/generally live a rockstar lifestyle.

esly4ever · 2020-07-14T05:38:02+00:00

This hit home for me.

dhiggzzz · 2020-07-14T07:49:58+00:00

Lots of advice could be given, but if you remember anything it’s this: you did great! It’s not always easy to put yourself out there like that, especially a date, but you did just that. Find another girl, go on another. Keep improving, you’ll make it mate.

erottawa · 2020-07-14T03:22:45+00:00

Congrats on a positive first step. Everyone you date is going to have more experience in the game than you, so you're going to have to fake it for now. Her judgmental comments about friends and her accusations about sex makes her sound like a nightmare. Chalk it up as some experience, and don't worry about the rejection.

Are you certain it was a rejection? Email her and say you had a fun time. See if she responds.

Good luck.

STD_Tyler · 2020-07-14T05:43:51+00:00

Bro, sex has nothing to do with that rejection. If the girl is into you and you told her straight away "let's go fuck" , she will not get upset. She may reject the offer (or not) but would still meet you again and fuck next date.

Apparently from your story you were a try hard, overly qualifying yourself, getting lead by her and swallowing her bullshit and being apologetic. That's why she dumbed you. Even if you do everything right and being attractive too, girls will still reject you on dates,around half of them. Who the fuck cares? Learn the lesson and move on to the next girl. It is not one shot one kill.

Thetrvler · 2020-07-14T10:02:27+00:00

Never bring up sex in any type of conversation with a woman. They all know you want to fuck them. It’s old to them. Literally any way you will bring up sex will make you sound desperate for sex to them.

2- the “you must be a horrible person because you don’t have friends” is just a woman projecting what is important to WOMEN into you and was a test to see how you’d handle it.

Never put a woman 1st. They say they want to be 1st but all it actually does is put pressure on them and force them to run away. Always put them under whatever hobby you have and your work and they’ll never leave you. Putting them 1st in any way is the quickest way to run them off.

Xavier501 · 2020-07-14T04:45:20+00:00

Honestly, its true you messed up a lot but you also dodged a bullet. The way this chick seems to be testy and rough, does that seem like the type of person you would wanna spend time with even just to get laid?

Take it as a learning experience, good job for your first date, learn from it and see what you can improve for next time.

You are actually lucky in a way she showed that she could be a hassle or not so fun to hang out with early on, some guys spend a few months with a chick and then start seeing her true, negative side.

So take it as a win, a bullet dodged, and overall a big key learning point.

Think of the girl as your mirror, now you have an idea of what not to say and what to say, and how your vibe should be for your next date. Only action will keep improving you.

Best of luck, don't let this get you down.

daniel_shalome · 2020-07-14T05:59:16+00:00

Yo first off which girl talks like that..daughter of mystery?! Dude get Outta the girls head. it's good you noticed alot of things but that also means you were nervous. In fact shit nervous on the inside. There's definitely something off with your congruence and bruh just own that you're a virgin or just jokingly say I'm a virgin really with an funny innocent angel face with blink blink (not wink) it works for me. Regardless there's so dominance from your side is what I feel. Women love their men to lead them to action, passion and amazing memories. It's okay go back out and get your insecurity handled. If you don't go out and date again. It's gonna get worse. Good luck.. evolve or f'in die..(let that run in your head)

revente · 2020-07-14T08:15:27+00:00

She sounds like a terrible person. That being said , treat all of statements/questions that you find troublesome as shit tests. Agree and amplify to ridicule her a little bit for even asking such nosy questions. You’ve just met and you are under no obligation to confess your intimate details.

E.g.: Do you have lots of friends?

-Everyone hates me, you are the first person i’ve spoken to in years. I have lots of enemies tho!

You have brough a condom?

-Yeah i’m already wearing one!

Or

Are you kidding?! My body is a temple and the only way inside leads through marriage!

Also don’t worry about your first rejection. It takes many more of these to forge a complete man.

giggirltra · 2020-07-14T09:49:45+00:00

Woman here. You did a good job. Seriously it was your first date! Don’t be hard on yourself! You’re only going to get better and BETTER with each date. You’re opening the door to a brighter future for yourself. I know it was hard and painful in ways, but you are only going to get better. ❤️ Hang in there.

ZidaneLoire · 2020-07-14T10:18:27+00:00

You're not very good at this and that's okay. You need to understand that you're not negotiating a contract, you're on a date and what's said is mostly superficially relevant. You flirt in between the lines, as well as with your tone of voice and body language.

What she said was merely to test your social awareness and you pretty much failed on all stops.

It comes with time though, but don't be so defensive. Adopt instead a playful attitude and learn how flirting works. None of what she said was personal.

paul_ernst · 2020-07-14T11:10:00+00:00

Exposure is key. Keep dating, keep meeting girls. It's like learning how to drive a car. Don't over analyse the first time your engine shuts off. You did well by showing up. Keep going!

CardGameFanboy · 2020-07-14T12:07:33+00:00

Holy shit dude, you smell like desperation.

Depression and anxiety coming back because a random date with a very low quality girl (she didn't even remeber your name lol) didn't go well? Maybe try to fix yourself first...

Never talk about sex like that, only if she brings the topic first, you need to be subtle. I think as a first experience is good, but you did sooo many mistakes... but easy to fix them!

Dominus-Prime- · 2020-07-14T14:57:43+00:00

There is so much wrong with this. But I get it, you’re new to dating. We’ve all fucked up and it’s no big deal. Understand that you are going to continue to fuck up. Don’t take it personal. Your change will happen when you can objectively look in the “mirror” and not get down on yourself. This is the beginning of change. Your feelings while perhaps valid, will not solve your problem. Fuck em.

Bc there is so much here I can’t even unpack it all so I’ll just leave you with this:

Place zero emotional value on the person you are out with. Their job is to have fun, not fulfill some emotional hole you have. Some girl is not gonna be your savior, nor should she be what crumbles your footing.

She was visually attracted to you enough to go out. But your head is all over the place. Get your shit together. You wouldn’t want to date a girl who is worrisome and depressed right? Neither do girls. They don’t want a puppy or a medical project. They want to have fun whether it’s simple dating or looking for someone to build with.

Dwaynedibley24601 · 2020-07-14T15:26:52+00:00

OK, lots to unpack here... why did she pick you up? you should ALWAYS drive even in her car YOU DRIVE. NOW that part where she goes on a tangent about people not having friends and tells you you are a "RED FLAG". The date was over then my friend should have packed it in (BTW she sounds awful). SO, then after being called a red flag you steer the conversation toward sex which I am certain made you appear to be Ted Bundy to her, definite vibe killer. NEver bring up sex with a strange woman in close quarters, it will put anyone on the defensive. SO anyway... it was a bad date... you did not meet the love of your life and the future mother of your children the first time up at the plate, welcome to the club. Focus on the positive and that is... you went on a date, you put yourself out there, you can do it again, she just wasn't meant for you. don't take it personally or let it deter you. The right one is out there and she's wondering where the hell you are... keep looking.

PowerfulBlaze · 2020-07-14T15:46:06+00:00

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PowerfulBlaze · 2020-07-14T16:48:23+00:00

It sounds like she was projecting on you, this girl just sounds like a big red flag. Keep doing what you're doing, I bet the next girl will be less intense!

fr0ntsight · 2020-07-14T17:12:24+00:00

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. If your just trying to get laid then fake it. If you want to meet someone and have a relationship then meet them doing something you like. If they are so shallow as to ask you how many friends you have as soon as you get in the car is a red flag.

You got off easy. She would be a nightmare.

Mr_Lonely_Heart_Club · 2020-07-14T04:30:03+00:00

Why didn’t you pick her up?

cxpcman · 2020-07-14T04:11:31+00:00

Awesome yust keep working on it

50eggs · 2020-07-14T04:41:08+00:00

That's a tough first date ... but the next one will be better. She sounds like she might not be a great match given her attitude ... so learn from this one. Don't overtly bring up sex and just chill and have fun without any expectations except to have fun and an opportunity to get to know someone. That's it. If there's chemistry (which doesn't always happen), then you'll have a great time, regardless of sexytime. If there's no chemistry, chalk it up to learning and a night out. The more people you meet, the more you'll know who and what you like.

MaverickCarter · 2020-07-14T06:26:24+00:00

First off, Chin up brother! Having a date is a MASSIVE ACCOMPLISHMENT. I remember having dates and just being proud I HAD them, a huge win.

Some things:

1) I'd just avoid worrying about body language. If anything just focus on your chest up, but if you're tall your focus is on the wrong things. 2) The lying is just long term not a good idea. I normally dislike the book, but you'd REALLY benefit from reading Mark Mansons' "Models". The main thing is you'll have more long term success just being authentic and honest. Not needy or weak... but honest. IT's attractive.

3) If she brought up the social life thing first, either A) your vibe was WAY off and she sensed something that wasn't good. B) she's super stuck up and cares most about that than anything else. Probably a mix of the two, but anyone who is B is NOT WORTH IT and probably just be off your radar. Wouldn't she know about your friends/etc from your social media account??

3) Also as a virgin.. I wouldn't just blatantly mention sex bc people just dont' do that. It's clunky. If anything spend 80% talking about her and just having her feel good emotions NOT getting into logical arguments and discussions lmao.

4) It was probably the sex talk which was weird. Just clunky but hey, you're inexperienced dating. NO PROBLEM.

Tbh though this girl probably wasn't a good fit FOR YOU anyway. Remember, it's not about getting her approval, it's about finding out if you two match up well.

Getting a girl to AGREE to go on a date is massively attractive. I'd probably recommend next date reading some books on dating in general since it doesn't seem like you went in w a game plan.

And as a dude 6' 5'' you can definitely get girls just off that.

Don't fret brother, move on and appreciate how much experience you just got off that one time.

jamesjaxon89 · 2020-07-14T06:47:39+00:00

Don't feel bad that you failed on your first date. There were some big mistakes you made. She didnt seem like a class act either. But dating is just getting to know someone. You also get better the more you do it. I'm pretty confident everyone has some stories about dating that makes them cringe and want to hide in a hole. You just have to move past it. Also, don't lie. Be honest but don't be earnest.

adamstickler99 · 2020-07-14T06:57:28+00:00

hey chief just proud of you for getting outside of your comfort zone! sounds like a hell of a learning experience and if you can survive that date should be good to go for many new ones!

Valyamir · 2020-07-14T07:00:42+00:00

It's only one date. Back on the saddle.

Fluganaveggnum · 2020-07-14T07:14:22+00:00

A good thing to remember is that we all need to suck before we get good at something. Just enjoy the learning process.

Also that girl sounded like a red flag. You dodged a bullet

Th3mnk · 2020-07-14T07:16:01+00:00

This is tough but I think you get better advice from something like r/advice or r/relationship_advice.

My advice is this, be yourself don't lie to her come out with the full truth if you don't have friends that's okay that doesn't make you a bad person. If this relationship doesn't work out expand your social circle, you'll meet your soulmate eventually, even if it seems impossible. Stay strong king.

Legitimate_Delay · 2020-07-14T07:17:56+00:00

When she asked if you had friends you should have just jokingly said the truth like haha na I'm a loner I live in my basement and then make eye contact .it works for me so should defo work for you

And from what I red you were being too nice to her dude dont be TOO NICE Be rude not that rude but in a bad boy type do way 99.9% guys get rejected because they are too Nice and also another tip if you follow this I'm sure u can get any girl you like so here is the thing whenever u talk to a girl 95% of the time don't take her seriously unless and until she says really tell me or Smth like that

Also instead of eye contact try to look at her eyebrows or look at her left eye ,right and the chin 100% u will spike sexual tension

bakedwithmayfield · 2020-07-14T07:24:01+00:00

You’re 6’5 dude. You should be slaying it. Don’t worry, but I do think you’re probably fucking yourself over by thinking too much. Just be natural

mikedamike · 2020-07-14T07:43:03+00:00

Honestly man, I would not put too much thought into the exact specifics of this date. It's impossible to get the full picture. No one can have an idea what she is going through in her life right now, where in life she is, what she wants, if she's maybe seeing someone, if she's actually depressed, anxious, if she is potentially intimidated by you, if something maybe happened to her... Girls are all individuals with their own reality and life and mental processes, and they are, very often, all over the place.

Dating is very much a skill, and that's one of the better ways to look at it. Like any other skill, it gets better over time. It's like when you start training a new skill, like martial arts, public speaking, anything like that. You can't expect to be a pro after just one session. This date was part of your learning experience, and it was a great learning experience, at that.

Also, can I remind you of the good things that happened? YOU WENT ON A DATE! You managed to conquer your anxiety and fear, which means you will able to do it again. And again, and again... As long as it takes. Know that you will get better at it, every time, as you gain experience, as you go. Even the 'bad' aspects of dates are sometimes the most valuable, as those are the things that will make you 'level up' faster, and you will learn most from. Remember, it's not a sprint, it's a marathon.

Moreover, she said how sexy you were, how level-headed you were, how funny you were, and dude, that you should be a model?! That is literally something maybe 1% of the guys will ever hear. And you heard it on just your first date. I consider that a massive win, my man.

Finally, if she was not able to communicate where she stands, in an honest way, and just ghost you, then that is a sign that she is likely not a very mature person, does not know herself well, has anxiety to not communicate honestly, and frankly, is probably not worth your time.

Congratulations on getting out there, it will get better. And hey, the internet's got your back, brother :)

Enigma_lpe · 2020-07-14T07:50:45+00:00

She is pretty closed minded. When she explain why not having a lot of friends was a red flag, she should have counter with your reason for not having a lot of friends, while jokingly say how wonder not having friends is actually kind fun. Also, never bring up sex in a conversation. Unless, you know for sure the other half likes you.

Rodders88 · 2020-07-14T07:53:01+00:00

Listen mate it’s your first one so don’t worry even if you did come across a bit autistic. With the friends thing next time say something like “No I like to keep my circle small, quality over quantity, maybe if your lucky I’ll add to this circle but I must warn you it’s a high entrance fee you’ve got to bring something to the table” Doesn’t have to be exact but it puts you in the position where you don’t come across as needy.

It’s been mentioned before but never just bring up sex like that. You can be flirty and tease about things but don’t mention like the actual act about sex. Leave that for later if she ends back at yours.

Also it may take a second or third date before sex even happens so don’t make a big thing about sex. your a novice so just take little Baby steps to increase your confidence.

eeyoremylove · 2020-07-14T08:09:58+00:00

Wow you dodged a bullet there, she sounds awful. But dude, be yourself, if you’re looking for a relationship then the truth about yourself will come out eventually. It may take longer to find the right person but it’ll be so much better if you e been yourself from the start.

Now, here’s a semi controversial thought, have you considered an escort to get your first time out of the way? It takes the pressure off you and a woman, meaning you will feel more confident about yourself.

p3nguinboy · 2020-07-14T08:15:02+00:00

you know what? fuck her, she was such a superficial bitch. go find yourself someone genuine and someone who isn't an asshole about you having friends. i don't have many friends either but come on i can go on a date and not be judged for it because i'm ready to make new friends.

don't give up! you got this!

PlayerInvictus · 2020-07-14T09:00:34+00:00

Bro, I stopped reading after she gave her opinion about you not having friends. Yeah this is a blessing in disguise, you dodged a bullet. Youll find someone who'll truly appreciate you. The thing is, you gotta keep putting yourself out there. Trust me. Literally. There was a reddit post about a guy who thought he was ugly but other girls who were acquaintance of him thought he was cute. Dw bro, you got this. We live and learn.

Deepthought27 · 2020-07-14T09:01:10+00:00

TL/DR: Write field reports, go out consistently and be your honest self!

Hey man, something to have in the back of your mind is that failure is 100% OK and something to learn from. It's part of the process. If someone only has success then chances are that they aren't trying as often as they should be to grow in that area. From failure you can learn a lot! Don't see it as a negative thing! Part of being an adult is being able to respond to things that don't go your way in a mature, constructive manner. Something I suggest is field reports and simplified actionable steps. By that I mean giving yourself goals that you can keep track of. Example: -Start one conversation with a stranger every day -hold 5 second eye contact with 5 strangers each day -smile at 30 people each week At the end of each day, summarize your experiences with social interactions and progress towards your goals. Then fill out three categories; Things you did well, things you could've done better, Things you'll do differently next time. The point of this activity is to be able to see your progress and expand your comfort zone. It is also a good way to keep yourself accountable if you don't have someone like an accountability partner. Start small with your goals if needed and as you get better, you can change goals or make them more challenging. A big thing about this is that you have to go out and interact with other people to reach those goals. Consistent action to break through your success barriers works WONDERS! The more comfortable you are with being yourself the less you will feel the need to lie in situations where you are worried what a girl thinks about you. Answer truthfully. If she isn't 100% down with what you had to say, try not to let yourself backtrack on what you opinions. You have nothing to prove to her. How is she supposed to get to know you if you hide who you really are? It all makes sense with practice, self reflection after the fact and time. You've got this!

Amplifix · 2020-07-14T09:46:48+00:00

Personally I always go with the flow. It sounds like you guys weren’t a good match in the first place, the flow of the date was disrupted three times by the sound of it.

First time when you disagreed about friends, she was a little bit of a dick on this one. There were a lot of options for you here though. Joking or teasing her would be best.

Second time was when you started talking about sex and you basically had to fight her and justify yourself. If a girl accuses you of wanting to have sex with her, I just own up to it. It works better for me most of the time, “yeah, I was planning to have sex with you. You have a problem with that?” Or even “Yup, that was my plan. More than once would be preferred for me though”. You’re 6”5, so dominating will work for you in this case. Don’t “pussy” out, own it.

Third time was about the condom. Again owning up to it, makes it a short discussion. “I always bring a condom, you never know”, smile and change subject.

No worries, I don’t think you lost anything here. Once the flow of the date goes well, you’ll feel the tension going up and know when to make moves. It should be a smooth experience not an argument about who is right.

Just my two cents, don’t lie. Just own up to it and say that’s who you are. Never ever feel sorry for being yourself. She doesn’t like you? Too bad, it wouldn’t have worked anyway. The goal is to find someone that likes you for being you, you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone and have to act like someone else.

ZedBaby · 2020-07-14T09:49:21+00:00

Props to you for making that vital first step and putting yourself out there. It's not easy but you did it. This is going to be very long, but I want to give you advice that nobody else seems to be picking up on.

If I'm going to be honest, you set a bit of a desparate tone from the offset.

I'm still a virgin and have missed out on everything I was supposed to do in my early 20s.

This is a harmful mindset. Thinking like this leads to 2 things:

You subconsciously see yourself as lacking something, ultimately you see yourself as inadequate. You end up lying to compensate for this which is never a good thing.
Every rejection will set you back, and bring you back to square one because you feel your end goal slipping away. In reality, you should embrace every rejection and see it as an opportunity for introspection.

Another thing you might not realise is: she knows your lying before you even do it. She doesn't know exactly what you're lying about, but she knows that you're being disingenuous-- she can smell it.

The best thing you can do is EMBRACE YOUR FLAWS. Accept that you're not perfect, nobody is, but If you don't believe you're one of the most awesome people alive, how can you possibly expect anyone else to believe it?

I'm not saying to go around telling girls you're a virgin and proud- just carry yourself like the man you want to be and you will be that man.

As for the actual date- use HER imagination. A woman's imagination is the most powerful tool at your disposal.

When she asks about your life, job, family, past relationships etc, don't tell her everything- in fact, don't tell her much!! Be a little vague, let her try and fill in the gaps- keep her guessing.

You should be vetting her, not the other way around. I can't stress this enough. From the way you described your date, it sounds like you were the one trying to impress her and not the other way around. You might not realise it, but this will turn her off so quickly.

I can keep going, but this comment is already an essay. If you're actually interested, shoot me a message and I'd be happy to help you out.

techie_boy69 · 2020-07-14T10:40:21+00:00

Hey Man Really WELL DONE on making the move to go on a Date, well you got rejected,don't over think it. you gotta stop thinking of it as failure and its a MASSIVE positive and that's it, Don't Rob yourself of taking that first step, don't beat yourself up its not a failure, you learn't a lot and you can do this. NEXT Date and that's the Goal another Date, someone else hopefully into you a bit more, getting ghosted is pretty normal so don't sweat it.

drivincryin · 2020-07-14T10:51:43+00:00

One down. Next!

I’m assuming when you were learning to walk as a toddler, you fell once and then stopped trying to walk for three or four years?

Invite rejection. If it wasn’t for a pandemic, you should be setting up 2-3 first dates per week.

It’s a numbers game. Rejection is white noise. Don’t pay any attention to it.

aboldficus · 2020-07-14T11:16:18+00:00

Rejection is key to success. Love yourself and never feel the need to lie about anything no matter how shameful it might be. If you’re not honest with someone else, you’re not honest with yourself. AUTHENTICITY IS KEY. If people don’t like it, they can fuck off.

Don’t get hung up on this loss too long. You tried something new and pushed yourself. Pat on the back bro, onto the next. Get comfortable with rejection, it makes the wins that much better.

Tip: don’t follow people on social media until future dates are secured.

PowerfulBlaze · 2020-07-14T11:22:34+00:00

Your date sounds better than what I was doing when I was 28. I was a late bloomer like you seem to be

Any girl that actually tells you something is a red flag within the first couple of minutes isnt going to go anywhere. Usually girls keep that stuff to themselves but for her to say that and you didnt punish her for it would of put you as a bit of a pushover in her eyes. Next time if someone says something like that just say "would you speak like that to one of your friends" or similar. Dont worry though because this took me a really long time to figure out, I have a real thick skin so I rarely get offended, Im also pretty inquisitive so Id always try and figure out why someone would say something, instead I should of been making a boundary.

I wouldnt talk about sex like you did but huge props for bringing up a conversation topic most people are afraid to talk about. Just practice being a bit more subtle and less direct when you talk about it. Her asking about if you brought a condom was just asking for you to tease her about being too eager.

Also if she didnt know your name she wasnt too invested in you. Its nothing against you its part of dating and it gets easier over time. Just keep at it, social skills are a long road (life long work for a lot of us)

CykA_ByL4t · 2020-07-14T11:40:09+00:00

lie to her about your self fuck her and get free confidence points

DidNotLuckOut · 2020-07-14T11:46:29+00:00

Really? You think you missed out? You are just getting started. Get your money and your purpose right. Your options know no bounds.

modidlee · 2020-07-14T11:55:25+00:00

The irony is she proved a person can have lots of friends and be a terrible person

__sad_but_rad__ · 2020-07-14T12:38:09+00:00

she is talking about social life and asked me if I have a lot of friends and I said "No"

lol what are you doing

Im 6'5

keep grinding homie, you'll drown in pussy once you develop some game

PowerfulBlaze · 2020-07-14T12:50:48+00:00

[permanently deleted]

TheSecondLesson · 2020-07-14T12:59:12+00:00

You did good son

letsgetrandy · 2020-07-14T14:00:23+00:00

Quite simply, you are playing 10 years behind the curve. You're going to have experiences in dating that will be awkward, and you're going to have rejection. That's part of dating and it's how you learn.

You've got a lot of catching up to do. If you want to have any chance, you need to hurry up and get that stuff out of the way. So I suggest that you have as many dates as possible, regardless of whether you like the girls you go out with, just go do it. Get that stuff out of the way, learn how to get comfortable talking to people, and what to say or not say. Try 2-3 dates per week with as many different women as possible. After a few months of that, you'll be caught up to where a normal 28 year old should be.

deaduser00 · 2020-07-14T14:19:15+00:00

You killed your chances. I never heard of someone saying"do you want to talk about sex?". Maybe you can spice it up in a funny way when you and your date are drunk, you can talk about crazy experiences and ask abour hers. Since you never dated before, why are you rushing things and forcing a topic about a theme that you have absolutely no real experience and nothing to add to the conversation. One more Thing. You are almost 30 and you told her that your parents tells you to bring condom to dates? This info can make her believe that you are still depending on your parents even being a fully grown guy

YoLoDrScientist · 2020-07-14T14:20:14+00:00

I’ve been on 100’s of dates and this happens all the time. Don’t take it personally Ana get back out there!

MagnumBurrito · 2020-07-14T14:21:59+00:00

There's tons to unpack here. Here's the start..

So it starts with her picking me up with her car

Why aren't you driving and being the leader?

vaccinatedabortions · 2020-07-14T14:52:13+00:00

She saw OP's IG account and based off his pictures having no friends in them, she already was thinking he was a creeper 1q why she decided to go on date.

OP already had no chance of a second date by the end when he asked her if she remembered his name. Although I think it was a bad move oh, it is also absolutely hilarious in this situation because it left her nice and pissed off, so good job on that OP. It was over for you way before that.

Looks aren't everything, and a lot of people around here don't believe that so this is a great example that's why that is true. This girl wanted to bang OP but he screwed up and I bet it was more about nonverbal communication then the things he was saying even.

OP don't let this rejection get you down. You went on your first date and that alone is a huge success. Try not to be outcome dependent and just try to have a good time. Focus more on making her happy than your throbbing member. Study up on more seduction go on a few more dates get rejected a few more times and you'll be on your way to being successful with women.

Sultmaker_9000 · 2020-07-14T15:02:06+00:00

You said it was a good date, but I just dont like anything about it. Talking about life in general is just fluff talk, she shouldn't be picking you up, you shouldn't be justifying yourself to a woman.... EVER! In the way you explained about the friends situation. You never bring up sex.

I actually find it hard to believe that you have such anxiety, yet are so comfortable bring the subject of sex up?! It all feels incongruent as a post that this is even real.

Best solution is to do day game and find some PUA guys to help you out, if you were comfortable enough to go on this date then you aren't as hard a basket case as you make out.

that_nagger_guy · 2020-07-14T15:35:34+00:00

You dodged a bullet. Seems like a very rude and toxic person tbh. Judging someone for not having many friends is dumb af. Some people want many "friends" and some would rather have a few really close ones.

JambiChick · 2020-07-14T16:07:05+00:00

Ok, first off, this girl is rude, immature and extremely judgemental. It sounds like she feels the need to be the one at the top of the relationship(picking you up, accusing you, interrogating you, etc). Imo, she is simply not a healthy person, and given your mental health issues this is not the type of person you need I'm your life.

Secondly, you are not weird for having 1 or 2 friends. You have problems with anxiety so it's understandable, BUT at the same time, even if you didn't have anxiety you probably prefer 1 or 2 friends. I'm the same way :) I would rather have only a few that I can really invest time into than to have many shallow "friendships".

Thirdly, you shouldn't have to lie about your virginity or dating history. Someone will accept you as you are. Don't ever take lass than that. Sure, you want someone who will help you grow, but they should still accept you.

Lastly, even if she had wanted sex I would hope you wouldn't give it up to someone so undeserving. When ppl tear you down, they need to go! Period. You're worth more than taking an emotional beatdown from some chick who says her fav position is missionary lol.

PowerOfTheGods · 2020-07-14T16:31:59+00:00

You both sound like psychos tbh. Surprised it didn’t workout.

Passion1981 · 2020-07-14T16:38:58+00:00

She sounded really shallow! She baited you with the condom and sex conversation never ever fall for this I mean well not in such a direct manner ! I’m going to say she got a free meal out the deal ! You are better off ! Chalk it up as a loss

chromelogan · 2020-07-14T17:15:14+00:00

I would say when you overthink you mess up. I have been on 3 dates with girls I was somewhat interested in but considered as friends more than anything else. I was relaxed, I had a great time, and I think they did as well. However, when it came to girls that my brain reminded me that I was dead serious about I made so many mistakes I do not even want to talk about it. Once you get over the mindset of I am in a date with someone I would seriously want to date/fuck your can relax and actually focus on making the date better.

gabihg · 2020-07-14T17:31:22+00:00

First I want to say that you should be really proud that you put yourself out there.

Secondly, she sounds like a crappy, ignorant, or socially awkward person. That is not a reflection on you, nor should it be, especially on date one. Dating is a two way street. It’s supposed to be a good fit for BOTH parties.

I’m not aware of a quantity of friends indicating if someone is a good person or not. I’m sure there are studies, but that isn’t the point. Every person is different. Some people are introverts, some are extraverts, number of friends isn’t everything.

In discussing sex, I think it is important to communicate things surrounding sex like STI test results, preferences, limits, etc. A first date is usually a bit early. Discussing sex to “spice things up”, is fairly odd, especially with someone you don’t know.

Her assuming that you’re there for sex is another judgement on her. She’s making judgements about you and your intentions without asking you.

She may have been telling you “red flags,” but honestly, she was showing a bunch of red flags. It sounds like you handled it well considering the situation.

I’m sorry that you experienced that. You don’t deserve that. Try your best to remember that a date (and a job interview) are to see if the party is also a good fit for you. That was just one night with her. Would you really want to spend more time with her? Based on your story, I wouldn’t.

I don’t have any other advice. No amount of advice will make someone unpleasant to be around magically better.

swaglordobama · 2020-07-14T17:35:01+00:00

People want authenticity and honesty. It's okay to be a virgin at whatever age for whatever reason. It's okay to have no friends. It's okay to want to have sex with someone you find attractive. It's okay to just be yourself and get rejected by people who don't like who you are; that is a lot more respectable than being an insecure, lying, imposter and trying to please and entertain people who you have no chemistry with.

Your missing all of the points in the date where she tested you and you failed. First, you lied and weaseled around instead of being upfront with her and owning your desires. You're putting importance on how lying about being who you really are made the date go well, but objectively it seems like an awful date with a toxic girl.

Here's a plus, you actually went on a date and got some reference experiences. You can improve on the areas where you failed.

The key to sex is knowing girls love it, too, and letting them meet you in the middle. If she says, "Did you bring a condom?" You respond, "Yes." You don't qualify or justify why. She knows why. Sex is on her mind.

If she says "Do you have many friends?" You say, "No." If she gives you shit, like "That's a red flag." You respond with, "ok," or agree and exaggerate it with nonsense. "More like a red, white, and blue flag."

"Oh, you just wanna fuck me like every other guy." "Yes, it's not my fault you're sexy."

If she keeps saying "red flag," at some point you have to tell her to put up or shut up.

"If you don't like me, go home."

Recognize your own value. You are working on improving yourself, and she is being a complete ass to you about it.

You should not, and are not required to, qualify yourself or give into her teasing you and pressing your buttons. She ghosted you because she couldn't trust you or be clear of your intentions. She probably wanted to have sex, but when she got a weird vibe she lost attraction for you.

On your next date don't be such a weasel. Just own who you are, be radically honest, don't react or qualify yourself when she gives you shit, accept your current situation, tell girls you're a virgin and you're trying to change your dating life (put this in your tinder profile). If a girl is not okay with it, she isn't a good match for you, anyway, and if she is okay with it, then you'll have a much more sincere and fun date than the 3 hr long roast you endured and wrote about. Be unapologetic about who you are, give sincere compliments, establish your boundaries, and tell girls what you want. Rejection isn't rejection, rejection is you trying to fit a square peg into a round hole by pursuing girls that aren't right for you by not communicating your situation, desires, and intentions clearly and sincerely.

I hope that helps and wasn't too harsh. Hang in there and keep your chin up, bud. I suggest checking out 10 Commandments of Game by Derek if you want a more in dept understanding of the ideas, mindsets, perspectives, and principles I laid out here.

Gaffa_futi · 2020-07-14T19:18:50+00:00

Learn the art of flirting. Innuendos. Women are covert.

CaptainShagger · 2020-07-14T20:52:04+00:00

First off, great job on taking the plunge and attending your first date. I know it’s tough but you’ve done it, you’ve pushed yourself comfort zone.

It’s honestly a numbers game, you need references and experience. It always gets easier the more you do it. Just take a look at how much experience you’ve got from that one date and how much great advice you’ve received on this thread, it’s all due to you finally taking the plunge. It’s all part of your story.

To give some advice:

As everyone’s mentioned, you shouldn’t openly discuss sex in the convo like that. It’s it arises naturally in the conversation then go ahead, but don’t openly bring it up. When it is brought up in conversation, don’t put too much emphasis on it. The conversation around it should be easy going and relaxed, not aimed at sex being a big thing.
Just from reading your text about the date I get the feeling that you put to much weight on the interaction and the date. You care too much. Try not to have an agenda. Expect fuck all from the interaction. Just enjoy your time with her. Expect nothing. Zero outcome. They’ll sense the lack of agenda and they’ll naturally draw to you.

I have my own issues with anxiety and I have just got home from my first date in six months. It went fine, even though I felt my anxiety flare up within the first few minutes of meeting her, but it soon subsided once I got lost in conversation with her.

The mindset you need to have is that - 1. It gets easier. 2. No matter how ugly the process of improvement is, you keep getting up. This is not going to kill you, you won’t be harmed from going on countless dates. The only thing that can happen is that you improve. Watch content & apply it, you will get better it’s inevitable.

We’ll smash it as long as we keep getting after it.

All the best champ

PinballWizrd · 2020-07-14T21:30:47+00:00

As plenty of others have already pointed out, you fucked up. On a couple different counts.

That being said, the self awareness and humility you've shown by admitting to those mistakes and working to improve on them is going to get you far.

We've all had bad dates, said stupid or inappropriate things, and have had cringe moments. The difference between people who fail and succeed is whether or not you are willing to learn and grow as a person.

Learn from this and keep putting yourself out there 👍

NorthKoreanCaptive · 2020-07-14T22:44:56+00:00

Well if it's your first one... Don't let it bother you too much. But after skimming through your post, I get the idea that you overthink (understandably so).

I think the most important thing when it comes to socializing is keeping the conversation organic and comfortable. Going from a topic to topic can make it feel almost like an interview... And no one enjoys that.

Bringing up sex in a conversation on your first date is a bad idea. Unless they are out looking for casual hook ups, women are going to be very cautious of your intents, and essentially ignore much of what you have to say about it if there are other tell tale signs that might suggest otherwise. Talking about sex so early on is one of such signs as it shows that's at the top of your mind. Keeping things "spicy" is really more about subtly making sexual remarks rather than having an open talk about it. Because it just shows that you are sexually attracted, which is a good thing, rather than that you just gotta hump and dump.

Also if anyone openly tells you "that's a red flag" at face value, then she's not worth it. If she thinks having few friends is some sort of a red flag without any other context around it, then she's being highly judgmental and won't work out with her anyway. I've been on a date where the girl continuously said I'm "full of shit" verbatim throughout the whole date. In retrospect I think she was trying to flirt... somehow. But yeah after that I didn't look back, didn't let it get to me.

Also you were lying about having had short relationships in the past, right? (Since you said this is your very first date). I don't think you should be lying period, but it's a bad lie in the first place imo. Gives off the idea that you can't settle, and, unless this chick was looking for a quick fling, that kind of image wouldn't fly.

I'm not going to pretend like I understand all of your life problems, but if you still feel so insecure to the point where you feel the need to lie about yourself, I'm going to suggest two things:

Don't go on dates. Trust me when I say this, but getting into a relationship when you cannot love yourself first is extremely draining and harmful for both of you
Find someone who can appreciate you for all your flaws and support your self improvements

I understand these are easier said than done. But for your own peace of mind, please don't date for the sake of dating.

tearlessgreg · 2020-07-14T23:46:29+00:00

My favorite part is the beginning where you said it went really well in your opinion. Then proceeded to describe a train wreck. Haha! No offense meant, I’ve had my fair share of awkward dates.

I would start by being confidently honest. You back peddled a few times where you went from a lie to a truth.

But as everyone else has been saying she also sounded like a low quality person, so I think this was a net positive for you overall.

fvckCrosshairs · 2020-07-15T06:53:21+00:00

shes sounds trash and shouldn't even make you feel worried about this whole situation

Kenic_In_MD · 2020-07-15T17:29:30+00:00

she automatically says that's a "red flag"

This was a shit test.

I saved myself by saying I do but just not A LOT

The only way to pass a shit test is to "agree and amplify." I would also like to add, that you don't need to "save yourself." You are who you are. If she truly doesn't like that or can't deal with it then she isn't a good fit for you.

She then assumes that all I came for was SEX

This chick sounds miserable

which I already said she is beautiful and sexy

Beautiful and sexy girls already know that they are beautiful and sexy. Tell her what MAKES her that way, be specific.

She even asked if I brought a condom I said no first and then said Yes and explained that every guy brings a condom with them if they're going to see a girl just incase feelings really run high and how every parent including my own tells their sons to bring it with you and she agreed because she got brothers too.

You are talking way to much here. You could have simply reversed her initial shit test. "Why are you only thinking about sex?!"

The whole date I kept hearing that's a "red flag"

All of these were shit tests

she told me how sexy she thought my height was Im 6'5

This chick sounds miserable. Do yourself a favor OP, find a woman that better suits you. No one ever gets it right on the first try. Dust yourself off, get back up and get back out there. A few misses mean nothing in the seduction world.

It also sounds like you need to work on getting your depression and anxiety to controllable levels. Part of that is learning, and i mean really learning that you have nothing to prove to anyone. You have power and control over yourself, act in such a manner. Your hang ups will slowly become more manageable. Baby steps, but you'll get there.

mike10177777 · 2020-07-14T05:01:08+00:00

Welcome to your first date outside of highschool

VDKay · 2020-07-14T06:48:22+00:00

I'm sorry to tell you, but your post is one big contradiction. You said that you thought the date went very well, but then you proceed telling us a myriad of bad points. I could tell you would get rejected by the time you got into her car and she "attacked" you and you "defended" yourself (big mistake). I bet that I could tell even before that, if I knew your texting. This date was bad! Maybe by an off-chance, some inexperienced young girl could overlook all the uncomfortable talk in favor of your appearance/height, but no normal girl with a bit of self-respect who is looking for anything more than a hookup, would settle for someone who she doesn't have a good time with on the first date. Blocking/unfollowing you is an immature move, but serves to highlight her feelings that "it's probably not even worth explaining".

Anyway. I have to congratulate you however on the fact that you actually are taking action. It's never too late! It's normal to be feeling that you are missing out as you see other people your age already having several relationships under their belt or starting to have families. Everyone is different and everyone is moving at his own pace, and never let anyone judge you for that or tell you otherwise! You can either sit down and whine and do nothing, or start doing something about it (which you are doing). I lost my virginity at 30, after, like a dozen failed "first dates" (and let me tell you that I was the ugliest and shortest one of my peers). Some dates I thought were good but were actually bad. Only after a good one, I realized how 'bad' the bad ones were.

My advice would be to keep meeting women and going out on dates and also to be more confident. I know that this is not as easy as it sounds. Now, I felt that you were going on an interview and you let her be the boss and direct the conversation. This first date you were stressed and uncomfortable and it's expected. The next one you will be a bit more relaxed, and even more on the 3rd, and so on. By the 10th or 20th "first date" you will lead her around both physically and emotionally. The point is to build experience and, thus, build up confidence, and then you can both actually have a good time

_Bramble_ · 2020-07-14T09:51:15+00:00

Idk man, the way you describe it and feel the need to go into such detail about just 1 date it seems like you were obsessing over her a little.

It just sounds like you may be the smallest bit socially awkward when it comes to dating and women, which is fine!

Also you should know that lots of dates fail. You did the right thing getting her there, now you just need to work on your game when you’re with her, just be normal.

2020-07-14T11:10:58+00:00

if I have a lot of friends and I said "No" and she automatically says that's a "red flag" and I saved myself by saying I do but just not A LOT just a few friends(I just made 1 new friend; congrats to me) and how I spend time with my big family. She immediately says that if a person has no friends it means they're a terrible person and nobody wants to be around them for that reason.

That's already a big red flag about her. Judging you before knowing you well.

Man, don't be upset about it. I know this was your first Date and you got "rejected", but we all get rejected, even after our successful dates.

The key is to learn about the date, learn more about you, learn what you could have done better and trust your inner instincts more. If a girl does not feel right or icky, your gut will tell that.

Still this was a real big step, for taking up the courage and talking to her. Big ups to you mate, that's a big accomplishment.

Don't stop here. The only reason, how you can end these feelings of rejection of one girl, is to have more girls lined up. So if one fails, there will be 3 other girls you can date.
Always have options.
I learned this also the hard way with rejections and experience. It's a process mate, please don't be too hard on yourself.

takemewithyoudotnet · 2020-07-14T04:00:41+00:00

Have you had your testosterone levels checked? Your symptoms resemble that of low T and you might be a prime candidate for TRT. It’s changed a lot of lives, including mine

dambachern · 2020-07-14T05:37:36+00:00

Best advice is not think about it too much and just keep going on more dates. You’re a smart guy and you’ll figure it out along the way.

Swanestyle · 2020-07-14T20:57:25+00:00

These guys are right. Speaking of sex overtly was a big mistake. You have to be covertly sexual with women cause the allusion of seduction builds tension. Also, you still game off like a “good guy” because you were acting too insecure and reactive to her questions and “red flag” jabs. She was just testing you bro. My advice for you is to check out “Alpha Male Strategies” and “Sublime Conscious” on YouTube. They’ll teach you everything you need to know. AMS breaks down female nature to a science and will change your whole mindset for the better (lots of self improvement stuff). Sublime Conscious has breakdown videos in which he will literally break down other videos of dudes interacting and trying to seduce women. He’ll point out all the rights and wrongs. Trust me bro, these guys have literally changed my life. I was a virgin who was always getting used and played by women all my life until I found these guys and I swear on everything I’m not making any of this up. Check them out and really take the time to listen. AMS might sound a little harsh at first but just stay with him for a while and you’ll start to understand the truth in his words. Oh and he gets straight to the point unlike a lot of other YouTubers who try to sell you some bullshit pickup lines books and shit.

slowhandz49 · 2020-07-14T03:32:43+00:00

Whoa

mavad91 · 2020-07-14T05:00:49+00:00

You just need to go out on as many dates as possible, even if you're not super interested in the girl. An ex of mine wasn't particularly attractive to me in her online photos but was really cute irl. The more dates you go on, the more it will click. Don't talk about sex unless they bring it up. Also, she should not be picking you up ideally but I have had girls do this when I didn't have a car. I wouldn't say something like I have no or little friends. If she asks if you have a lot, say no, you prefer to have a few really close friendships. You want to control the frame and spin things in a positive light without lying preferably.. Be playful and less dry in your interactions. Tease her and poke fun at her a little. You'll get better and more comfortable over time. Good luck.

baddog992 · 2020-07-14T05:10:18+00:00

Like someone else mentioned flirting and being playful will get you further with women then bringing up sex. I did the same mistake back in the day. Just chalk it up to a lesson learned. When your learning to date your bound to make mistakes. Its part of getting better at having women attracted to you.

Member450 · 2020-07-14T06:39:07+00:00

Welp! With so much complications..I guess I'm gonna become a Saint and die a virgin!

nomowolf · 2020-07-14T08:51:15+00:00

I feel like this rejection has hurt me a bit and I feel like depression and anxiety is coming back to put me back in my place.

You're good man. You're doing excellently. It's a numbers game and you have to get more numbers to calibrate. Next dates you have take any and all expectation off them, helps a lot with 2 things: 1) your behaviour becomes a lot more natural/attractive and 2) you don't get that rejection sting. Of course prepare for all possible outcomes but have no expectations for them.

On what to calibrate for next time: her red-flag talk is just shit-testing. She's checking if your confidence/ego can stand up to a little poking without getting all sensitive and defensive. Her attraction isn't going to be swayed by a logical debate (quite the opposite)... So for the next person just calmly ignore it with a smirk or laugh with it exaggerating: "Hah wait til you see my house, more red flags than a communist parade!"

If the topic of sex comes up a great thing to do is turn the tables. If she asks did you bring a condom say with mock-shock "why <name> are you trying to get into my pants? I don't know what to say, you know I'm a good-boy"

Keep the vibe fun and positive, don't be rattled by anything she says (having no outcome expectations helps that) just have fun with and relax with it. It'll take a few tries but you'll get there :)

GelsonBlaze · 2020-07-14T09:31:21+00:00

Live and learn, there's a fine line between what you want and how you go about getting it.

The_Sir_Galahad · 2020-07-14T10:38:25+00:00

The first rule about women, always be yourself. You have what I have/had, it's called toxic shame. We go through some fucked up things in our life, it's a very long story..but overall you must realize you are OK. You are good.

Don't lie, don't bend your responses to fit what you think she wants to hear. People like raw honestly when it comes to backstory, and many times I would hide mine, out of a fear of abandonement, but when I did start sharing my story it went over surprisingly well.

Women like men with a backbone, so if you feel a way say it (within the confounds of acceptability. Don't get sexual, you'll know when a girl is horny..trust). Never try to be "interesting".

Women will put you through a shit test. They don't even always know when they're doing it, but you failed her shit tests. It's ok, you can pass these easily with the next rule. For example when she asked you if you had any friends, you said no (it's not really a red flag, but she was trying to diminish your market value with that statement), you buckled and changed the story. Don't do that, just answer honestly, and give her attitude (not aggressive attitude) right back.

If a girl told me something about me was a "red flag" I'd tell them something like: " Ok, you're free to leave at any time. Go on".

That's a shit test from a man, this is what women love.

The reason she unfriended you was because you got overly sexual.

IH31C · 2020-07-14T10:42:39+00:00

Keep meeting more girls. Also you're 28 and that's good, plenty of time to get this handled. I'm 40 and when I turned 37 I decided to get my dating life handled by approaching a lot of women. Average of 3 per day for 2 years. I've had some really shitty dates but shitty dates are not the end of the world although at first they seemed like the end of the world for me.

Congratulations on your first date! Just keep at it. Nobody can fix your dating life for you. Gather more experiences and learn more about yourself.

Muramasaika · 2020-07-14T11:01:34+00:00

I think maybe you should start by trying to surround yourself with good friends before trying to date. It sounds like you still have a way to go on the individual level and i think you should focus on improving yourself before you think of dating. I understand that you must feel like you missed a lot but sex isn't everything in life so start by working on your anxiety and try to get out of your comfort zone.

Ilivetowork · 2020-07-14T13:12:39+00:00

Never mention sex, it's a major turn off for a lot of women when guys start talking about sex prematurely. Wait until she initiates or until you know her better . Also don't let her pick you up in her car . If you don't have a car meet her somewhere . I know it's silly but some of these things can really ruin an attraction

Aristox · 2020-07-14T13:42:22+00:00

As you get started dating different girls you'll get better and better at flirting and building relationships. So it follows logically that the first girls you date are gonna be when your seduction skills are lowest. So it follows logically that the girls you can attract right at the start aren't necessarily gonna be as good themselves as the ones you can attract once you've got the hang of it all. Girls aren't these perfect angels that we need to do the right things to impress. They're flawed humans just like us

From the sounds of it, the girl you were with was overly critical and insensitive etc. She's probably just getting started learning how to flirt and seduce etc herself. Or maybe she's not even really trying to improve that. Sounds like you tried to have a good date and be respectful and have fun together, and she was unnecessarily negative and judgemental about it all, which kinda means it's a lot of her fault that the date didn't go the way she wanted it to. Seems like you were well intentioned and totally willing to help create a fun and enjoyable time if she'd just been more positive and friendly (like you should be on a date!)

I'd count this as a massive win! You got a lot of good experience here and you should be really proud of yourself for accomplishing what you did. You're just getting started and that's awesome and exciting.

Keep studying and learning and trying to evolve, but dont take all the negative experiences to heart and think it's just cause you're bad, it's entirely possible the girl could be the one fucking up too. So while it's important to know if/when/how you do make mistakes, you don't always need to be apologetic and critical of yourself. Check out The Natural Lifestyles on youtube, and The Fearless Man too. They're both brilliant. If you keep learning what they teach, and integrating it into yourself, you'll be great. You're already on a strong path. Be proud and excited about what's could be coming next :)

julienthelemur · 2020-07-14T14:49:26+00:00

I'm (25M) somewhat experienced in dating, and still, I have that dates do not work out. Think of it as a job interview. You're both there to figure out attraction and compatibility. Don't think of her as a mythical creature that can do no wrong, everyone has their problems. You're trying to find someone that's right for YOU.

Now it's time to improve yourself for your next date. What could you have done differently?

asked me if I have a lot of friends

Think about what she is really asking. She seems to be looking for validation that you're not some creep, or looking for someone with social status. So saying "No" is a red flag for sure. Try saying something like "I believe quality of friends is a lot more important than quantity".

I told her if she wants to spice things up let's talk about sex

Like other users have mentioned, sex is a topic that needs to come into the conversation naturally. Don't force it.

Don't get discouraged. Improve yourself for next time. You got this!

kemar7856 · 2020-07-14T16:18:54+00:00

You revealed too much

TheDamnHamMan · 2020-07-14T17:39:16+00:00

Order Models by Mark Manson I started reading it a couple weeks ago and I’m really enjoying it and getting a lot of value out of the book, and I think you could get a lot of value out of the book as well. It helps give you a model and understanding of attraction, seduction, and masculinity in today’s times.

solarflare_hot · 2020-07-14T17:40:15+00:00

Big Yikes. she seems like a manipulative red flag. thats good she unfollowed you. she is definitely a manipulative psycho. She tells you straight up thats a red flag, you should've just got up and left her. You shouldn't put up with women like that.

Fitzy564 · 2020-07-14T17:45:48+00:00

She sounds like a total waste of time. Move on, and find someone better.

STylerMLmusic · 2020-07-14T17:46:16+00:00

There's a lot to unpack here, man. That did not go as well as you think it did. That was a train wreck.

But, this isn't the end! Next time you'll do a bit better, and then a bit better after that, and so on and so forth. Keep on the horse and eventually the train will stay on the track.

miyagikai91 · 2020-07-14T17:48:45+00:00

You have no faith in yourself.

She may not be all that put together herself, but she clearly didn’t feel it with you.

You have major insecurity problems you need to overcome. I’m in my late 20s myself, but I’ve somewhat let go of the notion that guys our age were supposed to get all of this experience years ago. I recommend Dr. Nerdlove.

Sonaper · 2020-07-14T18:09:56+00:00

Get a car first and start to make some budget to live alone at least for a while, because you will have the issues if you keep living the way that you are living right now..

DaniMarie44 · 2020-07-14T18:55:54+00:00

Firstly, she sucks. Plain and simple. The things she talked about...not typical AT ALL. Red flag FOR HER.

Secondly, this was good practice. My hubby had a rule that he'd typical still go on a second date because many people are SUPER nervous on the first date. If they aren't, they're lying or a sociopath. Gives a second chance to see who someone really is (if the first date wasn't a train wreck like yours seemed to be).

Thirdly, don't lie too much about friends, it could bite you in the ass later. Just be yourself. You're just there to get to know someone better, don't feel too pressured to deal with anything you don't want to.

Indumentum97 · 2020-07-14T19:31:28+00:00

Sorry to break it to you but you only got that date because you were 6‘5“... and yes, i agree, she was a low quality one.

idevastate · 2020-07-14T19:46:51+00:00

Oh my God at first I thought this was a gonna be a troll post on everything you're not supposed to do, then realized it was real. Holy fuck.

Alright dawg, first thing's first: don't have the girl pick you up. ever. Second: nothing wrong with being honest, HOWEVER, this is dating and seduction. Always think to yourself "is me saying or sharing this going to increase her attraction level for me?" if the answer is no, then be vague or cocky or reframe the question to benefit you. Don't say you have no friends, don't say you're poor or struggling financially, don't say you like killing cats. You get the idea. Thirdly: don't bring up sex like that.

Wetstocks · 2020-07-14T20:01:16+00:00

Go into with zero expectations about the conversation, outcomes or if you’re acting a certain way.

Also, if you’re self conscious about not having friends, maybe try to focus on that first?

Scritz171 · 2020-07-14T20:06:04+00:00

‘Let’s talk about sex’ that’s a massive fucking yikes from me bro. You’re 28 not 13 lmao. I can’t imagine how awkward it must have been after you said that...

catbasket14 · 2020-07-14T20:17:00+00:00

This might be an unpopular opinion but stop trying to be and say what you think a woman wants. If some guy is trying to lie about his sexual experience, I can tell somethings up. Same with friends. Just be yourself. Like maybe don’t jump into all the mental health stuff right off the bat but just try to be yourself. Some women may not be into it, but you’ll find the right woman a lot faster this way.

brutusdidnothinwrong · 2020-07-14T20:36:48+00:00

On our way back to my house and I asked her if she even remembered my name and she stumbled and surprisingly didn't know and I said I remember yours and she felt dumb.

/u/PowerfulBlaze bro you didnt just make her feel dumb, you shamed her. Asking that is almost always best followed by "I also forgot your name, why don't we restart" or something taking the pressure off them

animal_crackers · 2020-07-14T20:51:26+00:00

The fuck did you talk about all that for? Lol. Furst date convo should be about you and her, not sex, not past relationships, not even how many friends you have.

Dude just crack some jokes and talk about life on a first date, touch her arm, hug her at the end, and set yourself up for success on date #2.

If she’s taking you seriously she won’t want to bang til prob date 3-5. If she likes you as a person it’ll happen.

PowerfulBlaze · 2020-07-14T23:58:26+00:00

[permanently deleted]

appleORorange · 2020-07-15T02:05:57+00:00

My advice is to focus on other things in life, by 28 i was in a major career with the door firmly closed on women, by then i was kinda of looking at moving country (which i did) starting my own business.... i am still single.

I moved from the UK to Canada when i was 35 (took about 4 years to get all the paperwork done), this was 10 years ago, i own a company and employ staff now.

Ddcups · 2020-07-15T12:34:17+00:00

OP, I mean no offence or disrespect. But if youre a virgin at 28 and had your first date and am yapping on about depression then I could have predicted already you arent gettin a date 2, unless she was a mutt. I reckon I could even predict your appearance as well. Do you lean more towards the comic book guy from the simpsons or Mickey Rourke in 9.5 weeks? dont have to answer, its a question for yourself.

i used tyo be alot like you and whilst im in a relationship now, Girls are drawn to me and i can get girls like no tomorrow if i want. just a fact as they tend to make conversation, one girl in my orbit had a fight with her husband because he saw a text saying she wishes her husband was more like me. This kind of thing. still weird for me to experience this. and im not perfect, i still suffer from neediness issues and this type of thing.

Theres a few things you can do to get the ball rolling. Firstly, the depression thing. depression is real but its controllable and its from your mind. My barber told me something just last week "notice how blacks and russians never get depression? its a middlke class white thing. they dobt give AF and have confidence". Hes oversimplifying it but hes right in his jist. you got to stop feeling sorry for yourself and giving a flying fuck what people think. just remember the spotlight isnt always on u and your just one piece of shit among every other pierce oif shit (this is what helped me personally) so stop caring and the anxirety subsides. Speaking of barbers, get a solid haircut. It does wonders. Cruise through google for fashionable haircuts and get one thats simple but sexy. Also dress sense. a good dresser does alot to hide your flaws. im fat but i got a half decent sense of fashion and a great haircut that suits my face. Also, if you dont already harden up your image. girls love masculine. Again with a movie example, michael madsen in thelma and louise. girls love it. The hard cunt manly look wins out everytime. Otherwise, why dont you hear girls wanting to f*ck the pretty boy gay types? thjey are pretty but it doesnt get the girls wet.

Finally, try and go on as many practice dates as you can, be loose and build up your dating muscle. ugly girls, who cares. It needs practie on the field. watxh guys who are good with girls and how they playfully tease and come in and out if you can and replicate it. go wuith the flow, ask questions, itll click.

leave the more advances atuff like directness and confidence and taking what you want fior another day. just focus on appearance, demeanour and subsiding the anxiety aspect and the battle is on its way to winning my friend.

FailsafeSSBM · 2020-07-16T03:29:45+00:00

oh boy

Leo215 · 2020-07-16T04:09:15+00:00

Yikes

account_for_rel · 2020-07-16T07:16:27+00:00

You came off too intense with the sex thingie, and looks like you didnt take her saying not having friends is a red flag that smoothly. Looks like your anxiety kicked in and she caught that. Girls shit test you like that, you gotta be smooth. That will happen when you kill your insecurities and get into a mentality of "i dont give a fuck if you think its a red flag", obviously not saying that, but give off that vibe.

My advice: dont stress out too much, its your first date. Make friends, more importantly female friends. Be social. Make mistakes and learn what makes ppl like you as a friend and what makes them more comfortable around you. Learn your boundaries, and learn how to gently and if necessary harshly make ppl not cross those boudaries. Work with therapist + reading books to find causes of your anxiety, insecurities, depression and resolve those.

Its a lot, but stick with it, give it some time and it ll get better. You're tall, and looks like good looking. You have been dealt a decent hand physically. You ll do fine in no time.

AWookieeHasNoName · 2020-07-14T11:57:42+00:00

This definitely sounds 100% made up.

IamKillvadra · 2020-07-14T05:19:11+00:00

Okay so I’m going to tackle these in the order I read them. There’s a lot to unpack here.

You say depression and social anxiety have controlled/ruined your life. Aside from the obvious chemical imbalance that just takes some medication and perspective to fix (if diagnosed correctly in any case. I know this is a gross oversimplification) it’s also you. Saying it this way absolves you of any blame and makes the problem an external factor beyond your control which further disables you. It also makes it harder for you to think you can change things. It’s bullshit. For legal reasons I can’t say who this is but I once knew a man with crippling social anxiety who once came to his psychiatrist begging for meds to help it. It was agreed that he’d receive them after walking up and down a nudist beach 3 times twice a week for two weeks and then finding an art school to paint him naked. He did it, came back and rejected the meds. Moral of the story is you need to start facing your fears head on and taking some responsibility for them. That is how you will find your salvation. I’ll touch on this theme later.

Don’t lie about yourself or anything. Don’t lie period. That is a red flag. Not only did you lie, you then revealed that you lied very shortly afterwards. That’s not gonna make you look good. I get that you’re ashamed but what was your plan if things went well and she wanted to sleep with you? You’d have to tell her you’re a virgin eventually. Stop lying. You’re not as good at it as you think.

You speak with the kind of intensity that leads me to think you have an immense anger within you. I think you are deeply ashamed and regret a lot of how you lived your life. This seriousness you have is your downfall. You need to lighten up and take yourself less seriously. You’re not as good at hiding things as you think. It’s okay to be who you are. You need to accept yourself and learn some humility so you stop acting to defend your ego(lying about the condom/bringing up sex/lying about relationships)

One of the reasons having few friends is a red flag (aside from a variety of other reasons) is because people want to have fun with you. People who are more socialised and can be more fun at parties will seem a bit more appealing. Nobody wants a party pooper. They want to be entertained. It sounds shallow but that’s people at face value. Entertain them and they’ll like you.

As a rule, don’t bring up sex first. She assumed it’s all you wanted because as you said, YOU carried the convo. At the absolute most use a clever pun(it better be a fucking good one) and even then, limit it. Let her joke with you and engage with you and bring it up let her breath the topic and even then, make triple sure. Flirting is like playful fencing. Little tease here, little jab there. Playful and light. Again I wonder what your plan was in bringing up an area of conversation you are not well versed in? That’s not how you put a good foot forward. You look your best when you speak about what you are passionate about. For dates these can be life goals of meaningful moments or things that make you happy. Whatever brings that glint in your eye out that woman look for.

I get that your depression and anxiety is coming back afterwards. That’s to be expected. It sucks. But you’ve honestly got no fucking idea. If you want to get out there and gain friends and meet people and live a life you actually find fulfilling you are going to have to SUFFER. You will suffer rejection,uncertainties,doubt,fear,anxiety that will be worse than you can possibly imagine because you’ve spent years developing your anxiety as a coping mechanism to convince yourself it’s okay. It’s not. That is why you are depressed. You have the tools to free yourself but you don’t and you know it and it’s maddening.

You need to start facing your fears head on and accepting the truth of who you are. You have no reason to be ashamed of yourself. You’re human. You fuck up. We all do. There is nothing wrong with you. If you want someone else’s love, you have to love yourself first. The way I simplified this for myself when I was learning it was “don’t be a pussy”

Don’t be a pussy. Accept yourself. Own it. Be proud of it but more importantly be humble

narcissistic889 · 2020-07-14T05:44:56+00:00

Just for all the young bucks out there, do not mention sex on the first date. Let her come up and mention sex if anything just put yourself out there during the date and let her experience your personality. Try to put your arm around her and maybe in the car when you drop her off when the time feels right or whenever it feels right go for the kiss and maybe the push passed that for sex. If you talk about sex or just sex during the date shes going to think that's all you want but also she sounds like a turd by her judgemental attitude

offtheplug436 · 2020-07-14T16:39:40+00:00

Bro.... what?! What the hell did you expect when you ask if someone remember your name?

WHAT KIND OF ANSWER DO YOU ACTUALLY EXPECT? I don’t see any positive outcome of it. You both kinda do a bunch of red flags things so she was unsure... then you ask that bullshit. I would already block you the night before lol

Pikappucinno · 2020-07-14T05:04:17+00:00

If i were you i wouldn't want to be with her.

Title	First date ever at 28 and got rejected next day
Author	PowerfulBlaze
Upvotes	558
Comments	359
Date	July 14, 2020 2:33 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/hqt85u/first_date_ever_at_28_and_got_rejected_next_day/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/first-date-ever-at-28-and-got-rejected-next-day.1428488 https://theredarchive.com/post/1428488

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