She's banging someone else

gza360 · 2024-08-30T17:52:44+00:00

Just had papers drop in April and living separately since July but we have been rocky since early 2023. I think about this a lot and how I will handle it when it happens. Our sex life most definitely sucked and the thought of her with someone else made me sick…. Initially that is. As time has gone on I think it won’t really bother me. 1: because her being so awful and hateful to me over the past year has drastically shifted my feeling towards her… enjoy that tbd new dude.. sheesh 2: sex with her has always kinda sucked…. 3: I’m seeing this as an opportunity to find someone better (when I’m ready) who matches my energy. I became so used to this kind of life that I normalized the mistreatment and constant feelings of anxiety and depression this woman caused. Never again.

A woman automatically has more options so her “revenge” is instant, however the better revenge is to upgrade yourself so drastically that in 10 - 20 years she sees you and thinks to herself “man I fucked that up”. That’s after she has been ran through with no real options other than casual sex. The street will wear on their soul after so many years…. Another red flag I won’t be ignoring again 🙅

Miss-Andry3290 · 2024-08-30T14:26:48+00:00

The fact that the men on this post only give a damn when there’s another man involved with their partner is laughable instead of taking any damn responsibility.

Most women aren’t involved with anyone else when they leave… it’s men that find other women 4 days after their wives leave, because they don’t know how to cook or clean for themselves so they need a mommy.

Women just need to leave a miserable relationship and it’s likely that you were miserable to be married to.

Millhouse201 · 2024-08-30T03:27:24+00:00

Wasn’t expecting to read scriptures today but here we are

MGTOWManofMystery · 2024-08-30T01:28:43+00:00

So what? Guys should just go bang others too.

Previous-Product777 · 2024-08-30T00:51:09+00:00

It’s funny that I waited until confirmation that my ex was cheating before I pulled the trigger, but she’d been god-awful to live with for a long time prior to this. I was still a naive sap back then, so tried my hardest to fix things, make her happy, thinking it was all my shortcomings to blame etc. And of course I never believed she’d cheat in a million years, because she was the one and she was different (aren’t they all!). But in truth it didn’t really matter, because if I’d had any actual sense at the time, I would have gotten rid of her once she declined to fix her rotten attitude, whether I knew she was cheating or not. Could have saved myself a lot of unnecessary time, money and hassle.

DenyYourFlesh · 2024-08-29T23:25:13+00:00

All too much men value themselves based off their wife's love for them. You gotta be happy with yourself first especially in a relationship. You don't NEED her, you WANT her. Have some self respect, find true purpose in life and anything else is a plus...oh also bros don't gasslight yourself. If she is in the wrong don't apologize to keep the peace. Stand your ground and stop being so agreeable. Humans no matter who they are will take advantage of you eventually if you show your belly 24/7.

probebeta · 2024-08-29T22:36:16+00:00

You post sums it all. But it helps to look at it in positive light. You can also look for someone else, bang them every single night in ways you never did her. And to be quite honest, buffed dads that look good, make lots of money, have far better options than bossy, broke single moms. So yes tinder, hinge, bumble, your son's kindergarten teacher... Become better, look better and women will check you out ;)

Another fallacy to point out for dads. I always felt inadequate because I'm a dad and that women don't like single dads. Well guess what, many of them dont care. If you met at the bar just tell her in the morning 😂

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-08-29T21:55:43+00:00

"I love you but I'm not in love with you."

"I need to find myself"

"You deserve better than me"

"You will always be the love of my life"

"I want to try and open marriage"

Does not want a trial separation.

Does not want to do marriage counseling.

Any one of these and she has found a new guy. Emotional affair at a minimum, coin toss if it's physical yet.

Do not beg, do not try and save the marriage, it is over and has been for 18 months or so.

throwaway_coy4wttf79 · 2024-08-29T21:45:01+00:00

Good for her. Now if only she'd depend on Mr. New Guy financially, that would be great.

What's that, court system? I still have to pay all her bills? FML...

No-Marsupial1823 · 2024-08-29T19:00:48+00:00

I agree with you brother.

Medical_Number8972 · 2024-08-29T18:35:19+00:00

Watching the cow burn

Reflog1791 · 2024-08-29T18:10:19+00:00

Remember when your ex wife wanted to lock you down when you were dating… bjs every day yadda yadda.

That’s why “she was never yours it was just your turn” is the breakthrough realization. You don’t have to take it so personally!!

The guys saying “the new boyfriend got everything and I got nothing!” I don’t think that’s exactly true. I think he got the same shit you got back when she was into you.

Therefore the key is do not get suckered in by good sex from your next paramour. It’s temporary.

My cheating ex got cheated on by some boyfriend. I almost felt bad for her for a minute. Two weeks later she is acting like a total biotch and now I’m just laughing at her dumbass.

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2024-08-29T17:37:47+00:00

Honestly,I am hoping mine does hahahaha! Couldn’t care less. My dilemma- she wanted money ,money,money and more money. I refused to sign the 3rd time because the demands were atrocious So said, she is using daughter against me. I let her play her game. Sad , daughter has to be the casualty of this war.

regan0zero · 2024-08-29T16:59:30+00:00

This should be pinned for this sub. Almost all men in the same situation have the same post. Crying, sad, wanting to either die or kill themselves meanwhile their wives are out fucking someone else. Women dont post shit like this. Women are sad but they dont get pathetic like men do. If your marriage is on the rocks, she cheated, she lied, or whatever it is that she fucked up on; just get a divorce. Its not worth being miserable.

The reason divorce wasnt as prevalent as it is now is that most people stayed miserable in their situation. Now we can all leave and have a better life. No one is gonna look at you like a failure.

There really should be a step by step guide for guys and gals on what to do in these situations. Marriage sucks and now I realize I dont ever want to be in that situation again. Unless its near the end of my life and I cant deal with the bullshit that follows.

Hyperverbal777 · 2024-08-29T15:26:46+00:00

I've had to be indifferent and move on but there was a ton of depression and anxiety in leave because of my children. Understanding impermanence is important because every right you thought you had will be taken by a high priced lawyer you paid for but it was disguised by late rent and car payments. If somebody starts to tell you, you need to liquefy your 401k and your life savings and it's okay to skip on some oil changes. Don't miss them. Run.

downtempodojo · 2024-08-29T15:03:32+00:00

I love this post. I see too many guys living in the past and not looking to the future and all of the opportunities they now have. I really recommend not jumping back into another relationship and take advantage of not being married. There is plenty of time to find someone new.

The data shows that second marriages fail at a higher percentage that first marriages. Third marriages are even higher. Marriage is not something people get better at making work.

Comradepatrick · 2024-08-29T14:37:43+00:00

Yep, that was my situation. Blindsided when ex asked for a separation. She said all the right things... She wasn't sure if she still loved me, wasn't sure if I was meant to be her partner for the next chapter of life, just wanted some space to find herself and figure out what she wanted.

It was all bullshit, of course. She had another guy waiting in the wings, the whole situation was carefully prepared so that she could step from our marriage into an instantaneous monogamous thing with him. I was neatly replaced, and she has spent the last 9 months thrashing with rage whenever I have attempted to exert some control over this situation.

Thankfully, the divorce itself was quick and painless. We went from the talk to fully divorced in about 4 months. Now she's just screeching about the details that she herself agreed to, but don't look quite so attractive a few months later.

So even though she spun me a story about needing to find herself and go on a personal healing journey, turns out I'm the one who is finding himself, meeting women, getting healthy, rebuilding my confidence, meanwhile she is in a sad, monogamous relationship that I can only assume she will get bored with in a few years, if not sooner. Or maybe he'll get bored with her?!

TLDR: Yep, she's always cheating, even if she claims otherwise.

Classic_Dill · 2024-08-29T13:50:34+00:00

Unfortunately, I had a cheating wife, and nobody had to talk me into it, as soon as I found out, I went and got divorce papers and got out of there. And I don’t think every wife who wants a divorce is cheating, there’s lots of reasons for wanting to divorce, however, there are red flags that preempt a divorce that you can tell if somebody’s cheating, if they’ve gone cold, the sex dries up pretty quickly, they no longer text or call you during the day, then you know they have a landing pad on the other side. It also cracks me up how some of these guys think my Judy! Judy would never cheat on me, lol while Judy has been disrespecting, grooming, and embarrassing her husband in front of her friends, some of these guys just can’t deal, with the truth, it’s sad!

Here’s the truth about marriage and relationship relationships, I don’t care if you’re married 50 years, you don’t completely understand your partner, you’re not in their head, you can only guarantee how you feel about your partner, but too many guys walk around, thinking that their level of affection for their partner is the exact same level as their partners affection for them, that is a dangerous trap guys.

BanjoKfan64 · 2024-08-29T12:39:21+00:00

I take it is a usual response that they get mad if they are asked about banging someone else?

My Wife wanted a Divorce Mid July...At the time we def were in a rough patch and in counseling...My Wife loved the counselor when she called me on my Stuff, but then when she got called out she flipped and had a meltdown and wanted to quit and get divorced...With how the previous weeks we both always wanted to fix things and make a plan to her all of a sudden wanting a Divorce and to be done is just way too fast...

But I am living well..Going on 2 months No Alcohol, working out Daily, Therapy once a week, Psychiatry once a month, Meds for my ADD, seeing family and friends and getting back into my gaming Hobby, No Hookups or Rebounds...I don't want to be Cocky or heal unhealthy..I really just want to heal so I can eventually meet the right partner.

Bumblebee56990 · 2024-08-29T11:27:50+00:00

I’m not banging someone else he’s just a terrible person.

Exarion_Universe · 2024-08-29T11:16:47+00:00

Shit, I wish she was fucking somebody else, then maybe she wouldn’t be so miserable when I do have to deal with her 🤣

Movieman_Steve · 2024-08-29T09:44:15+00:00

Before I met my wife, she was the other woman who cheated with a married man. She admitted to being it after we got engaged. And while we've been separated I've seen (cause I was the head of the phone account) 700+ msgs go to a single phone number (who I know is not a relative) in a month. I realized then that on just those msgs alone, that she's not worth fighting for and that I'll be happier without her in my life.

henrysmyagent · 2024-08-29T06:17:03+00:00

And the other guy is getting the best version of your wife that she can pretend to be.

Bonus: The new guy doesn't have to put up with any of the BS you had to endure to get in her pants.

She was NEVER yours. It was just your turn.

Dry-Context6619 · 2024-08-29T06:13:09+00:00

I've kept myself in great shape to avoid that every being the issue. After my tkr....I'd even entertain her bringing someone home is she needed it.... but that's just me. I guess I am more open than most to just enjoy it all.

ThunderFan462 · 2024-08-29T05:38:00+00:00

I was one of those who didn’t think my ex wife was capable of it. Well guess what she was doing. Turns out while we were married too. Keep your heads up fellas. As someone who’s been on the other side of things for a bit now, it gets better. It gets easier. Just give it time.

DustyWorker · 2024-08-29T05:16:12+00:00

Who wants to be with someone who doesn't want them? Hoping they change their minds and come back is such a waste of time. People rarely change, and they can only change for themselves if they do.

Awakeningof17 · 2024-08-29T04:07:41+00:00

This is the cold, hard truth a lot of guys need to hear. There are too many posts on here about missing the ex, and 'has anyone ever managed to win her back', 'I'm so lonely', etc.

She's not that innocent little princess you think she is, and the fact that she has been withholding sex from you for months and years on end doesn't mean her biological need has halted.

Accomplished_Gene176 · 2024-08-29T03:58:13+00:00

Pay for sex if you have to as well. Why are we following some bs moral fabric and they dont have to?

Content-Board7302 · 2024-08-29T03:47:00+00:00

Yes 👍 finally a dude on here talking sense … instead of on here moping …

Boomhower113 · 2024-08-29T03:33:48+00:00

My regular advice to guys that are missing their STBX that cheated on them is to imagine him bending her over the couch that you bought, and she’s smiling the whole time.

There’s a better than average chance that actually happened. Should get their mind off of her.

I have no idea if mine was fucking someone else or not. I don’t think so, but I really don’t care. Let him deal with her crazy ass.

Professional-Lab-157 · 2024-08-29T03:29:12+00:00

Wise man spitting straight facts. 🔥

Confident-Crawdad · 2024-08-29T03:26:42+00:00

It's not physically possible for any mortal to hit it in ways she never let me hit it.

familymanlikesfamily · 2024-08-29T03:24:34+00:00

Doesn't even matter. She broke the family for dumb shit. How can you ever see that person the same way.

And if it was to sleep with other guys, impossible to ever salvage. She should be dead in your eyes.

Pro-IDGAF · 2024-08-29T03:22:19+00:00

your 3rd paragraph…..its what women do. its in their nature. a guy here once said; they are only as loyal as their options.

Title	She's banging someone else
Author	ww3historian
Upvotes	179
Comments	93
Date	August 29, 2024 3:12 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1f3sh03/shes_banging_someone_else/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/shes-banging-someone-else.1528728 https://theredarchive.com/post/1528728

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