Ex lazy during marriage but not after divorce?

Top-Sink-6344 · 2025-01-14T00:34:34+00:00

Holy shit you just described my marriage, still married though.

LashkarNaraanji123 · 2025-01-11T00:00:25+00:00

Yup! But now I don't have to worry if she is in "Nervous Energy Mode" or "Bummed Out TV binge" mode every 3-4 days.

Nervous Energy meant she did nothing useful (not grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, etc.) just she spent 10 minutes doing one thing, then unfinished jump to the next, then half-do something else, then go back to the first thing for another 15 minutes, etc. etc.

His_Dadness · 2025-01-10T21:20:00+00:00

There’s nobody to do shit for her, so she has to do it herself. Isn’t that somethin’? She’ll be back to her old ways as soon as she finds someone new to clean up her trail of disasters.

disgustinbrother · 2025-01-10T20:16:18+00:00

I begged her to find something she can do at home for extra cash. She didn't want to ruin her social security disability. Since separation she has started a home business. Meanwhile I'm getting deeper in debt from alimony I can't afford to pay. She told me Monday "she doesn't care if I'm struggling. I'm eating from food banks and she is shopping at Trader Joe's.

bk2747 · 2025-01-09T08:04:37+00:00

She’s back on the dating market. Just like when you first met her. It’s advertisement for the next man.

Mine lost a shit ton a weight, got a car, and is supposed to be some church woman now.

Thenewandimprovedu · 2025-01-09T04:58:57+00:00

Yup. Couldn't motivate her to work out at all during our marriage. Heard every excuse in the book. Now on the way to divorce and living separately she's eating good, working out, living healthy and actually cooking.Almost makes you think what's the point when I get more before the marriage compared to during the marriage when she feels like you have no choice but to accept what she gives.

NorthBoy_9012 · 2025-01-08T19:53:25+00:00

No one should waste a single second worrying about an EX. You are burning precious time that is meant for your new life. Period.

AKA_Wildcard · 2025-01-08T06:49:46+00:00

It sounds like they were suffering from depression

47omek · 2025-01-08T06:15:26+00:00

It typically won't last. She can maybe keep a job as it is absolutely required to live (at least until she can secure a new victim) but the rest of the housework stuff will eventually go back to being just like it was in marriage. I always kept my ex working during marriage thankfully but she did basically all the household failures you point out and I had to do everything around the house just so it got done. After she bought her new house at first she pretended to be Betty Crocker but it wasn't just a few months before I started to see crap piled up everywhere over there, week-old dishes in the sink, laundry piled all over the laundry room. Give it time.

deadra_axilea · 2025-01-08T03:46:38+00:00

Ex was a hoarder who, over the years, wanted complete control over cooking, driving places, etc.

I just got tired of the bullshit and did nothing. Took me months to clean the literal dumpsters full of trash from the house after she moved out, but now it's more regularly cleaned. Except when my two sons decide they want to make a huge mess. That will be a longer-term goal to incentivize them cleaning up after themselves and not becoming like her.

regertsrus · 2025-01-08T03:41:04+00:00

How many wives did you have that were lazy?

Commercial_Music_931 · 2025-01-08T01:46:10+00:00

Shits wild when they start putting in effort to draw in new cock. It's a process that'll repeat itself when they shack up with the new sucker. Shits played out like 4 or 5 separate times now I can't keep track anymore.

shozzlez · 2025-01-08T01:27:16+00:00

I mean, if it’s a bad marriage, maybe depression is the reason. Get out of a bad situation, lessen the depression, more motivation to do things.

NothingIsEverEnough · 2025-01-07T23:28:59+00:00

Once I’m divorced, I’m never looking at them again. Who cares how they appear or how they changed after the divorce?

Comparing the past to the present as a trap. Comparison is the killer of joy. The new you, the future, should be about your happiness. What do you have to do to achieve your goals? How do you have to grow to thrive in relationships?

Any-Dare-7261 · 2025-01-07T22:41:21+00:00

They do that. It’s a form of manipulation. Its what they do…

No-Marsupial1823 · 2025-01-07T21:52:07+00:00

This sounds like a woman’s post. I believe there are way too many women in here. This place is for divorced men. Not divorced women

Mister_Vandemar · 2025-01-07T21:52:06+00:00

Nope! She contacted me recently to ask me to remarry her because she’s overwhelmed by how difficult it is to work, pay bills, and maintain a home.

TheGreatSageAndOnion · 2025-01-07T21:47:44+00:00

Were we married to the same person? 😄

IAPiratesFan · 2025-01-07T20:16:52+00:00

No, I was over there yesterday and plates are piled up in the kitchen sink and there were crumbs everywhere. When I was there, the kitchen was never like that. OTOH, it’s so easy to keep things clean without her around.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-01-07T19:47:40+00:00

Yes I fell for the SAHM bullshit.

If you are married make sure your partner is working full time. Bored women with no goals in life stray.

Too_old_3456 · 2025-01-07T19:47:30+00:00

Yes. I did so much at a normal personal can do for themselves. She would not ever get up to get a glass of water, turn off a light switch or open a window. She asked me to do literally everything, and my self-esteem was so low I did it. Life is a lot less tiresome and stressful now.

pmbrenner91 · 2025-01-07T19:28:54+00:00

sounds like mine

Alright_So · 2025-01-07T19:27:13+00:00

Could have been depressed during the marriage, the divorce could have been the kick in the as they needed, they could have faked or developed dependence on you. Can think of plenty of reasons why this might be the case.

gorillavstiger · 2025-01-07T19:05:08+00:00

Nope, mine was lazy during the divorce and has been since.

I'm sure your position is frustrating in various ways though I'll swap Exs with you any day.

alexmixer · 2025-01-07T18:48:59+00:00

Yupppp 😆

Shredneckjs · 2025-01-07T18:45:31+00:00

100% yes. Worse is we have no kids. She was always in pain and exhausted, sleeping for 11 hours a day-she does have autoimmune issues so I tried to be understanding. Now that we’re in the process of divorce she’s a real go getter. Joke’s on me. 🤷😂

Basic_Advance7627 · 2025-01-07T18:35:08+00:00

YES! Apparently mine was so depressed being around me she couldn’t do anything so I worked 60-65 hours a week to give her everything she wanted. Oh well 🤷‍♂️27 years down the tubes.

jimsmythee · 2025-01-07T18:10:11+00:00

Same here!

We met and she worked full time. Two kids came along and she wanted to be a SAHM while they were little. Plan was that she would go back to work part time once they were in school. That didn't happen.

She found pills and magically, she was "too sick to work!" Plus all of the disasters from her popping pills and having great big DUI crashes. I divorced her and made out like a bandit -- 50/50 custody and $0 alimony.

We got divorced and she got remarried to some desperate guy. He gave up after 6 months of her empty promises.

18 months post divorce she was flat broke and so she moved back home with her folks. After 6 more months of still not working and being "too sick to work", her dad forced her to get a job.

She's been working off and on since then. She gets fired a lot because she doesn't want to have to work.

DIRTYxWAFFLE · 2025-01-07T17:59:08+00:00

lol yep!

LashkarNaraanji123 · 2025-01-07T17:58:58+00:00

She went from 50k a year to 100k right after the divorce.

Her career was a long standing fight between us. I wanted her just to ASK her boss for a raise. This was asked for years. She had been with him for 20 years. And I dunno why, but she just wouldn't ask, god bless her heart.

But she did ask after the divorce. The cynic in me wants to think she was planning for peak alimony years earlier. But she's not smart enough to do that. More likely, she was dodging added responsibilities.

Back in the 80s and the cold war, school actively taught COMMUNISM IS BAD. Common lecture. "What problems can you see with communism? Yep, if one neighbor decides to coast, you'll have to pay for it." Communism was a big nope in Reagan's years. Now it's called marriage.

The glass ceiling probably affects women on a sliding scale proportional to age. Female college graduates today probably make a lot more than female college graduates from two decades ago. So it's difficult to say the glass ceiling is solved. "On average, women working full-time, year-round are paid 84% of what men are paid." Data from 2023/2024.

To me, this reads that women should get top alimony of 8% of their own salary. That should equalize the glass ceiling. Women, sorry to be mean. Get a job, put the kids in daycare. Gender based roles are dead.

Hunkaflesh13 · 2025-01-07T17:56:14+00:00

Mine was like that. She was a SAHM, I worked. Yes, she took care of the kids, but that's about it. Even when the kids got older and became teenagers and didn't need to be cared for as much, or hardly at all, thats all she did. I worked 40+ hours a week, did all outside work and home maintenance, cooked, did laundry, cleaned dishes, etc. I would ask her to help, she'd say she would, then hardly ever did anything. I'd get upset, an argument would start, and somehow, someway, it was my fault and I wasn't doing enough to help her. So my dumbass would pick up a little more. And a little more.

Separation/Divorce comes, and almost immediately, she can do it all! Proved she was capable but unwilling. Hell she even got a job.

But it didn't last. Divorce goes final, she gets her fat free paycheck every month, and it stops. She quit her job, I can tell she's not taking care of the house, and according to the way the kids talk, she's mostly back to her old ways of sitting around all day and doing very little else.

It's frustrating, but you know what? I ain't got time or energy for that anymore. Life is easier now, i get things done and on my time, and when I miss what we had, I just remember what it was actually like, and I know I'm better off not dealing with that crap. I used to be exhausted and had headaches all the time. It's been over two years since we first separated. I haven't had a single headache since.

No_Beautiful_1870 · 2025-01-07T17:49:53+00:00

aquatone61 · 2025-01-07T17:43:46+00:00

100%.

HourWorking2839 · 2025-01-07T17:43:23+00:00

Yeah and why would they? They have a sucker to do all the things for them, albeit beeing a calculated risk.

The divorced ones only forgot they are bad at math before risking beeing lazy.

Moms_Sketti88 · 2025-01-07T17:37:59+00:00

We shall see my friend. I could see this happening for me though. My wife would keep in all day, let dirty and clean clothes pile up (never seen her fold laundry), she would sleep all day, ate like shit, gained a ton of fucking weight (idc if that’s mean but fuck she gained 100+ pounds), wouldn’t do any activities together aside from eating out. She also hated working.

So yes, i can see my wife becoming active after this shit is finalized and we are on our own. Hell, she even got on ozempic recently. Not once did she try to shed a pound during marriage.

jkw118 · 2025-01-07T17:30:59+00:00

So in the beginning my ex was all over it.. Actually would frequently tell me I was incapable of doing many things right, her words for basically not her way. But would frequently quit jobs, and other things in the name of needing to be there for the kids. Which wasn't the best for the family or her. But she wouldn't listen to me, as I didn't know anything from her perspective.

And it is interesting that the kids tell her she can't cook, and that I can.

But yeah, it a common thing.. most of the time it's depression that kicks it off.. And then they just take advantage of it. But it can also go the otherway..

MonarchistExtreme · 2025-01-07T17:30:10+00:00

I did the lion's share of housework and she was a stay at home mom (why I tolerated this I will never know). Now she keeps house better than I have time to. It annoys me but doesn't make me miss her...makes me more glad she's gone bc she was fully capable and just chose not to.

Of course she could say the same thing about me. I never dealt with making appointments for myself or my son and I have had to manage two issues with my son's health. I did so w/o issue and I'm sure she probably felt a little sore about that lol

0neMinute · 2025-01-07T17:20:03+00:00

Alot of these items where me , turns out I was depressed and when my ex wife left I had no one putting me down constantly and telling me I was worthless ( I always had a full time job and was the bread winner by x2) .

Once she left I suddenly had a burst of energy and with no one telling me I was doing things wrong I was able to schedule things on my own time and get things done on my own time.

Idk if it relates to your situation as I also did outside work all the time and left the inside work to her unless she asked for me to take over specific responsibilities.

Charming_Rest_7334 · 2025-01-07T17:08:07+00:00

It’s like I turned into my wife’s father.

Title	Ex lazy during marriage but not after divorce?
Author	Own-Finish-5021
Upvotes	56
Comments	82
Date	January 7, 2025 5:03 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hvw426/ex_lazy_during_marriage_but_not_after_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/ex-lazy-during-marriage-but-not-after-divorce.1540576 https://theredarchive.com/post/1540576

Comments