Marriage shouldn't be permanent.

Stock-Argument-1040 · 2025-02-18T21:35:18+00:00

Everyone gets divorced anyway.

Except no they don't. The divorce rate is 42% so in fact the majority of marriages DO NOT END IN DIVORCE.

KayRay1994 · 2025-02-18T21:32:45+00:00

And it doesn’t have to… that’s why divorce exists. That being said, when a long term relationship where both parties share assets and potential custody of children ends, there needs to be a process to fairly distribute things - especially if one partner has no assets to this name and have either quit, taken time off of work or not worked at all.

If you don’t want to get married, simply don’t get married. Simple as that lol

(Ps. This is coming from a guy who only believes in marriage conceptually when children are involved, though even without that in mind - if you both share assets and have many things with both your names, there needs to be a legal way to fairly separate both regardless)

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-02-18T21:32:22+00:00

~43% of first time marriages ending in divorce is not "everyone."
Divorce rates have been declining for the past quarter century.
Looking at unhappy boomers who dated under different dynamics is hardly predictive when it comes to future generations.

Most people want to spend the rest of their life with their favorite person. It's the finding them and mutually agreeing on each other that's the hard part, initially. Then it's the continuing to put in work after dating/marriage, because life is hard and demanding, and being loyal to each other in the face of temptation that becomes difficult.

toasterchild · 2025-02-18T21:45:17+00:00

People who live together or have kids together also feel stuck. This really isn't a marriage issue. Make better financial decisions and you won't feel stuck.

No_Teacher_3313 · 2025-02-18T22:42:05+00:00

You don’t have to get married if you don’t want to. Let other people do what they want. Why do you want to interfere in their choices?

And there’s always a pre-nup that handles a lot of the issues that would need to be decided in a divorce. People are free to pay the legal fees and get one, if they so choose.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2025-02-18T21:29:57+00:00

Can you give an example of what you think a reasonable and fair contract would be between men and women since you disagree with marriage? Is it just lowering the time commitment you want to see changed?

Superannuated_punk · 2025-02-19T04:28:14+00:00

Marriage isn’t permanent. We have no-fault divorce for that very reason.

duenebula499 · 2025-02-18T21:31:50+00:00

I think the issue is just how Willy nilly people treat marriage. The knowledge that they can just get divorced leads people to act like assholes because they know it was never really a lifelong commitment. TBH I think it would be helped if marriages were genuinely permanent barring physical abuse. Would mean people would make the decision a lot less frivolously and take it more seriously when they're in it

bison5595 · 2025-02-19T12:44:47+00:00

Nope. My parents were married until my dad died of a heart attack

Comms · 2025-02-19T23:14:03+00:00

Everyone gets divorced anyway.

So we're starting by making things up? 41% of first marriages end in divorce which means that the majority of people who enter into a marriage never experience divorce.

Let's stop playing fantasy

You first.

For the record, I've never been married.

You don't say.

Purple_Cruncher_123 · 2025-02-18T21:36:39+00:00

But it's already not permanent. What you're keying into is that we should continue to destigmatize divorce so people can get divorced if they want to. We treat people with respect to be their own adults and make hard choices if they are miserable in their arrangement.

Even with divorce at its height however, just over half of couples still go the distance. We're celebrating my wife's uncle/auntie's 50th anniversary this week actually. It doesn't have to be fantasy and make-belief, but it does take work, dedication, patience, and mental health (at minimum).

obviouslymoose · 2025-02-18T22:33:01+00:00

I’ve actually been thinking about this more and more but I just don’t know how to make sure the kids aren’t affected.

I actually DO wonder very much if this might be the right answer for me but….

My parents divorced when I was 19 after 25 years (5 years after I told them they should get divorced) and that wasn’t the bad part! The bad part was when they decided they would not speak to each other afterwards.

Until I almost died. 10 years and only bc their oldest child almost died.

giveuporfindaway · 2025-02-20T06:12:10+00:00

You misunderstand what marriage is. It's not for your benefit as an individual man to maximize your personal position in life.

Marriage is a contract that all men agree to enforce on the most popular men. This forces the most popular men to be married off and not create harems of serial dating.

There's no collective point to marriage that doesn't enforce permanence. Without permanence there isn't enforced monogamy.

You should think about marriage as equivalent to joining a union. You need to abide by the rules of the union to enjoy the benefit. A union doesn't work if you feel like crossing the picket line because you personally still want to get your paycheck while everyone else doesn't.

Sensitive_Truck_3015 · 2025-02-22T03:15:20+00:00

I have to go against you there man. Maybe it’s just my Christian upbringing, but I’m a firm believer in “what God has joined, let no man put asunder.“ Marriage is supposed to last until one of the partners dies. To clarify, it’s not the separation that I think is wrong. It’s the re-marriage after divorce that I have a bigger problem with.

If more people (especially Christians) took Jesus’ and the Church’s teaching on marriage seriously, I think there would be fewer unhappy marriages.

sammyb1122 · 2025-02-18T21:40:31+00:00

As a child of divorced parents, I would NOT want marriage to become temporary as standard. If you're referring to childless relationships, then I don't care, but maybe call it something else.

Atrass · 2025-02-18T21:28:37+00:00

I mean Jesus said otherwise and he is quite the inflencial guy so ....

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Gitsumrestmf · 2025-02-18T21:34:46+00:00

What you call fantasy was the norm for most of our history. Sexual revolution was when? 60s?

And I've observed lots of very happy and loving elderly couples. My own grandparents were each other's firsts and lived together their entire lives. Even at the end, I could clearly see their love for one another. Sure, they bickered from time to time. But what redditors seem not to understand is that it isn't a sign of unhappiness.

Marriage is there for the children. And for the sake of children, it is optimal that parents stay together permanently.
Society needs successful marriages and children, not people running around like dogs.

If you personally don't wish to marry, OP, or don't feel like you could sustain a marriage, then don't marry. But there's a reason for sacred marital vows, and marriage should not just remain permanent, but we should return to extramarital affairs being a taboo.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-02-18T21:36:13+00:00

I mean it’s “till death do us part” so it’s technically not permanent.

Alarmed_Load8145 · 2025-02-18T22:02:17+00:00

You say that marriage shouldn't be permanent in the title of your post. Yet, the fact that divorce can take place has to mean that marriage isn't permanent. It can be "permanent" if the people in the marriage make that sort of commitment or they come from a culture in which divorce is frowned upon, and they'd face serious social ramifications if they got divorced. At that point, they are pretty much compelled to remain in the marriage. It's not permanent per se. I do agree that people oftentimes get married too quickly or for the wrong reasons because they were caught up in their emotions and did not properly think things through.

Sillysheila · 2025-02-18T22:05:09+00:00

No, not everyone gets divorced.

In my family alone I know of 10 couples who have been together for more than 30 years. My grandparents died married.

There are ways to reduce divorce risk, for example, don’t settle down too early or too late (don’t marry at 18, but not at 40 either). Get educated, have jobs, if you have kids plan for them and make sure you’re on the same page in terms of raising them.

When you do all those things above, the likelihood you will divorce decreases significantly. Especially if it’s your first marriage.

I also don’t think we should dictating the duration of people’s marriages and relationships. Or the particulars of it. This can become very authoritarian. If you don’t like marriage, the solution is to not get married.

SnooCats37 · 2025-02-18T22:23:31+00:00

Nothing has to be permanent if you don’t want it to be. I used to feel like you, I grew up with divorced parents that hated each other to the point they wouldn’t be in the same room as each other. I saw other peoples marriages fall apart and had the attitude of I’m never getting married, what’s the point, it just makes splitting up harder. That was until I met my person and I got married. Now I understand that some marriages work and others don’t. Some marriages are happy and some people stay in marriages unhappily rather than leaving them. Same as any relationship. I didn’t do it out of any societal expectation, I just knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and him with me

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-02-18T23:07:39+00:00

The divorce rate of first marriages is under 50%

Considering that the stupid, the underaged, the intoxicated, the criminal, the mentally ill, and just straight up shitty can marry, I’d say my chances are pretty good

growframe · 2025-02-18T23:55:25+00:00

They aren't. You're arguing for something that is already the case

cutegolpnik · 2025-02-18T23:57:38+00:00

No one is forced to marry. Don’t make a lifelong commitment if you don’t want to.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2025-02-19T00:26:59+00:00

Divorce exists, they don't have to be permanent. I don't see why you need to set term limits to marriage when people are already free to exit the relationship. What about the people who don't want to have to deal with re-signing a contract after their initial contract has "expired"?

DietTyrone · 2025-02-19T00:49:54+00:00

Why not just not get married then?

Your argument is the equivalent of a person saying, "for my birthday, I don't want a cake, I don't want to go anywhere special, I don't want any singing, or gifts, or a party, or for anyone to even mention it's my birthday at all."

Then when someone responds with, "well we can just skip your birthday then."

This individual retorts with, "no, I still want to celebrate my birthday tho."

What your suggesting makes as much sense as the scenario I just described.

wtknight · 2025-02-19T01:09:33+00:00

I think that the reason that marriage is considered to be something permanent by default is because it's better to raise children under that assumption. So in that sense it's good that we consider it "permanent". But if people aren't having children, then sure, why have some kind of permanent-type agreement like a contract? Although to marry a foreigner for immigration purposes like I did, the government does want there to be some kind of assumption of a permanent partnership.

Guilty-Marzipan1058 · 2025-02-19T02:18:06+00:00

Just don’t get married then?

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-02-19T02:35:35+00:00

First off, 50% of marriages and 41% of first marriages end in divorce. Yes, that’s a lot, but no, not “everyone” or even most people get divorced.

Second, marriage isn’t permanent if you don’t want it to be, since divorce exists. What IS permanent is having kids with someone, married or not. Kids are a far bigger commitment than marriage. So is buying a house or other large investments together. The only way to avoid “feeling stuck” is to never have children, never buy a house together, never financially depend on someone else, and if you really want to avoid any issues, never live together. Those are the things that make you “stuck,” not marriage itself.

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-02-19T03:09:58+00:00

There's nothing wrong with wanting permanence in marriage, but it's weird to decide that any marriage that isn't permanent is a failure. No other mammal species that lives as long as we do practices lifelong monogamy. In mammals, lifelong monogamy is basically reserved for mammals who live less than 20 years.

AssPlay69420 · 2025-02-19T05:13:51+00:00

It isn’t like people don’t know the risks going in.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-02-19T10:51:18+00:00

Marriage naturally last ones entire life because it was a survival matter. Nowadays that's not the case anymore and people marry for love and sex. There are no more pressure to stay together

I still believe that a couple should stay together because life is not easy. We just need to choose according to what make a great partner and properly vet people

MrMisogyny12 · 2025-02-19T15:52:21+00:00

I think marriage just outright needs to be banned. There's not any real reason for it in the modern age, same with cohabitation and sex tbh.

babazuki · 2025-02-18T22:03:55+00:00

Call it something else if you don't want to abide its rules. Barriage, darriage.

Marriage is a life long commitment. It means forever. That's why people are drawn to it.

Barely-moral · 2025-02-18T22:13:50+00:00

You can keep your meaningless institution of marriage.

Please let the people like me enter into a legally binding institution that allows one way in and no way out the way old marriage was.

Title	Marriage shouldn't be permanent.
Author	Effective-Length-755
Upvotes	0
Comments	147
Date	February 18, 2025 9:23 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1iso4kj/marriage_shouldnt_be_permanent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/marriage-shouldnt-be-permanent.1544275 https://theredarchive.com/post/1544275

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