This morning I filled the dishwasher and nobody told me that I had done it wrong.

ORTENRN · 2025-04-25T16:30:33+00:00

Why is it always that mountains are made of molehills with them? Like who the fuck cares!?!? The control issues are real. The constant need to be in charge of every single little thing all the time. It really gets in the way of just relaxing and enjoying life.

AffectionateCold9 · 2025-03-07T12:51:40+00:00

I can use the toilet without having to put the seat down and being berated for the 1 in every 100 time I forgot to do it.

I don't get berated for not filling the water jug up every time I use it even though she was just as capable as me at filling it up 😂 and is it really that much of a hardship to do yourself that yoh have to berate someone over it when you can fill it up yourself on the occasions I forgot to do so, heaven forbid the times I forgot to fill it up it's not like I had work, a baby, a house, a life and hundreds of other chores that also needed doing. Also you don't get any praise when you actually do these things 90% of the time there's no thanks for 90% of the time putting the toilet seat down and filling the water jug up only anger and being berated over the 10% when you didn't do those things.

dudefromyork · 2025-03-05T13:14:28+00:00

Fuck yeah brother! Wait until you hang your laundry out to dry!! 😂

Efficient-Mango7708 · 2025-03-04T01:32:42+00:00

God bless the joy of a simple task accomplished without questioning, second guessing or nagging.

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2025-03-03T20:03:37+00:00

Hahahahah!!!!

This was a HUGE deal w my marriage. I lived in my home 15 years prior to us getting married. Every time I loaded the dishwasher she would redo it, so I just stopped doing it. Then she claimed her contributing to the marriage were loaded the dishwasher.

It wasn’t until after my ex moved out, I creepily one day discovered the screws on every single lightswitch plate and plug plate in the house were perfectly aligned. She went through and had to have everything so perfect, yet didn’t contribute $1 to the house.

She would always remind me to take the garbage out, that was so annoying, as if she didn’t say anything garbage would just accumulate in the garage.

Personal_Signal_6151 · 2025-03-03T18:57:53+00:00

One interesting dynamic about anger is how venting can escalate.

If wife comments, accurately. that this is the 365 x 10 years time I have asked you to put your glass in the dishwasher and..... just you shrug, then it can escalate into a whole litany of what is wrong.

If you just start putting the dirty glass into the dishwasher, you can avoid all that.

You can also avoid divorce court.

This should be in premartial counseling.

Personal_Signal_6151 · 2025-03-03T18:53:12+00:00

In the past. biology was destiny.

No the case anymore. If someone ignore simple requests too often. it is viewed as disrespect and it destroys the relationship

Actions have consequences

dukeofthefoothills1 · 2025-03-03T17:56:27+00:00

Yes! Enjoy the peace and clean dishes.

hexlandus · 2025-03-03T16:53:08+00:00

Well, if you're missing it... post some pics of your load and we'll happily critique it. I'm pretty sure you're not hitting 100% water distribution efficiency ;)

BlueHarvest17 · 2025-03-03T15:03:36+00:00

I never noticed just how negative my wife was towards me until we've basically stopped communicating while we sort out the divorce. The less she knew about something, the more sure she was I was doing it wrong, even though it was being done correctly. Seeding the lawn? That looks wrong to me. Changing a furnace filter? Are you sure that's the right way. Moving a plant in the garden? You sure you're not going to kill it?

It's been a relief not to constantly second guess myself after doing some task that 1) I'm doing correctly and 2) doesn't really matter if it's wrong.

Why are people like that??? What joy do they get from constantly questioning you?

Scary_Board_8766 · 2025-03-03T12:00:17+00:00

I'll talk all the negative things back because the positive over the course of our marriage outweighed the negative. She doesn't see it that way which is why we're divorced. I'm broken. I hate being in a silent house where my family used to be. I hate my new life much more than I hated any time with her. I'm just trying to hang on and get by to be here for my kids and my dogs. Other than that, I am dead inside.

jasoncb123 · 2025-03-03T09:28:39+00:00

When you first split and no one was berating you was it weird at first?

For me it was…..no one telling me I didn’t know how to drive.

No one rage sighing on the other side of the room constantly, only to be told nothing was wrong when you asked if things were okay, only to find out hours later that she still mad at you and your incompetence and that your inconsiderate for not being able to fortune tell her feelings next Tuesday ……..🤯🤯😮😮🙄🙄

Articulationized · 2025-03-03T02:18:41+00:00

Life’s simple pleasures! 🙌

FutureRaccoon3 · 2025-03-03T01:38:59+00:00

Does anyone remember the Julia Roberts movie “Sleeping with the Enemy”?

ThrillBillyDelux · 2025-03-03T01:30:00+00:00

Last night I loaded the dishwasher and didn’t have to reload carelessly-loaded dishes. It’s the little things, right? 😎

upvotersfortruth · 2025-03-03T01:24:18+00:00

The little moments of peace where there would have been conflict are under appreciated. Nice!

Substantial-Run3367 · 2025-03-03T01:13:59+00:00

This was awesome to see Thank you all...

Hog-Switchkey · 2025-03-03T00:51:42+00:00

I drove down the street and there were kids on bicycle's in the street. I didn't run over them! It's amazing how I can drive my car without my Ex with me!

2001Steel · 2025-03-02T23:11:18+00:00

Had a similar experience this morning. I realized I didn’t have to be so delicate about unloading the dishwasher and waking her up.

tellmemorelies · 2025-03-02T22:15:18+00:00

Just so you don't feel abandoned

"You did it wrong"

Just joking, as I constantly heard the same message from my ex!

Physical-Aside-5273 · 2025-03-02T21:03:21+00:00

For me it was the first time I pulled into my driveway and this feeling came over me. No one was going to yell at me when I walked in. And I parked properly. No joke I remember the relief.

jasoncb123 · 2025-03-02T19:41:26+00:00

We had a cleaning lady/ friend of my ex because my ex was allergic to dust….but not so allergic that we had to clean the house before the cleaning friend came, because we wouldn’t want the cleaning friend to be insulted and make the work more difficult than it needed to be, if I did, then I was inconsiderate.

So I would clean mostly , (because ex couldn’t) then get yelled at because it wasn’t right , then pay her friend to clean what I just cleaned the night before, but now it was better cleaned, because her friend runs her own cleaning business, so that by default makes her a better cleaning person then me…..

Never mind that the cleaning lady had only 2 customers. Us and my ex in laws.

That’s a special kind of stupid right there!

xjeeperx · 2025-03-02T19:39:23+00:00

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Congrats on doing it however you wanted to and it being just fine. It’s the little things.

Far-Pie7978 · 2025-03-02T19:23:56+00:00

If a tree falls in the forest... same thing lol

wolpak · 2025-03-02T18:07:48+00:00

You finally learned!

Personal_Signal_6151 · 2025-03-02T17:27:45+00:00

Dishwasher loading can be optimized.

Bob Villa has a great dishwasher loading video with explanations of why a dish goes where plus how it is positioned. I bet Bob agrees that butter knives can go either way unless the blade slips through.

Another video, I forget by whom, reminds us to run water in the sink until hot before starting the dishwasher. Detergent needs to go into both wells in the compartment. Advocates for using cheapo powder but worth it to spend on rinse aid.

My suggestion is to watch both videos TOGETHER. Then agree on any treatment of unusual things you want to run through the dishwasher.

Thus, spending a very boring hour can save your relationship.

Start any food prep with a dishpan of soapy water to soak stuff in. Clean as you go. Really saves clean up effort and arguments.

I advocate for restoring Home Ec plus shop to junior high for all the students. Get the instruction outside of the stress of a romance.

jasoncb123 · 2025-03-02T16:24:29+00:00

The uncomfortable energy of trying to relax on a Saturday in the afternoon after doing all the yard work by yourself for 4 hours in the morning to come inside shower, sit down on the couch only to be stared at with an insulting look and bitch face expressing “what do you think you’re doing, we need to rage clean the house? You don’t get to just sit around!!”

Fun times……

jasoncb123 · 2025-03-02T16:17:34+00:00

Omfg. I left the house for a work trip on an early Sunday afternoon after rage cleaning all morning. This was in 2019. Flew home 3 days later, multiple airline delays, exhausted get home. No one is home it’s like 8pm. Ex and daughters 14 and 12 were out to dinner with her parents. I put my baggage in the mudroom.

I Make a sandwich, put everything away in the kitchen. Go into the living room. Turn on the tv and sit down.

2 bites in and they come home.

I proceed to get my ass chewed out for not putting my bag away and being asked why the house is a disaster and how come I haven’t cleaned anything up since I got home.

salty-sheep-bah · 2025-03-02T16:16:19+00:00

We had dishwasher struggles as well. I'd do it the way she wanted but then the dishwasher rules of engagement would suddenly change.

Butter knives go in blade first, now it's blade up, then blade down again. Who gives a shit?

I look back and have no idea how I tolerated even questioned this nonsense. A real Milquetoast I was.

suspicious_bag_1000 · 2025-03-02T15:54:31+00:00

The greatest feeling in the world that only men in this sub truly understand!

Pmoneywhazzup · 2025-03-02T14:15:47+00:00

I did the laundry today and no one started screaming at me for three hours how I’d done it wrong and you can’t mix socks and pants in the same load or the sun will explode. Being divorced is awesome.

blahblahnookie · 2025-03-02T13:23:52+00:00

Yea definitely a net positive on that front for me. I can’t count the amount of times I heard ‘you never or ‘you always’ whether it was chores, forgetting something or especially something to do with our relationship.

Here’s to a happy, peaceful Sunday 🍻

biscuts99 · 2025-03-02T12:23:35+00:00

Haven't had to listen to a Youtuber talk about makeup or manifesting. I'm very happy.

jabbo142 · 2025-03-02T12:14:27+00:00

I was just discussing how peaceful my house is now. It's the greatest thing ever!

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-03-02T12:05:20+00:00

My wife moves out first week of April and I'm looking forward to a peaceful house. No more rage cleaning on Saturday and Sunday morning. Coffee in peace.

SouthParkTimmy · 2025-03-02T11:54:19+00:00

This thread made me laugh and thankfully my ex was not so bad. Just the occasional leaving the toilet bowl seat up argument and not taking my shoes off in the house.

judasholio · 2025-03-02T11:45:36+00:00

That hits home. Went through an 18 year marriage of that.

I’d change baby’s diaper, and it would get redone immediately after I did it.

Vacuum the floor, and it would get redone immediately after I was done.

Do the laundry, and it would get redone.

I was never good enough, and I was never enough.

As the kids got older, there was nothing I could do right with the kids. Undermined at every turn. If I would say no, she would say yes. If I would say yes, she would say no to them.

But, her word was final, and if I disagreed, she would pack up the kids and take them to her parents for days.

I still can’t believe I married such an evil human being.

Really messes with your self worth…

no_user_selected · 2025-03-02T11:35:22+00:00

The comments in this thread hit home. For the longest time I thought that I was the issue, but then I started to realize that she would find something wrong no matter what.

I think it's going to be healthier for our son after the divorce is final and I move out. The half time he spends with me he will realize that not everything he does is wrong. She has gotten him so that he is afraid to do anything because he always gets lectured when he's done, even if he did a good job. It honestly gets to the point where no matter what you do you get yelled at, so why bother even trying.

He loves playing basketball and baseball, but he hates practicing with her because of how critical she is. I'll pitch him 20 balls or so and then give some suggestions on form, but I feel like half the point of practicing at home is having it click in your head why you should do something that way, and sometimes that just takes practice. She will be extremely critical after every swing to the point where he doesn't like it. If I tell her to back off she gets even more mad because she says she is trying to make him better. She is just sucking the fun out of it.

She never lets him win either. I try to play to his level so that it's fun for him. One time we were playing air hockey and I lost to our son (hes 7, so he is ok at it but can't really compete with an adult), and then she played him and beat him like 7-0. Then he said he wanted me to play her and I just annihilated her. Then she got upset about it and started saying crap about "men". I think our son must know that I play to his level sometimes.

On top of it all she always calls her mom and tells her what our son or I did, and her mom just goes along with it. Even though her mom even told her to lay off my son when she was at our house before.

/rant over

henrysmyagent · 2025-03-02T10:22:37+00:00

My ex told me I put the milk on the wrong side of the top shelf in the refrigerator. Proceeded to tell me everyone knows the left side is colder.

Just as I was about to explain how a refrigerator works, I stopped without saying a word.

Joey from Friends popped into my head:

"It's a moo point, ya know, like a cow's opinion. It doesn't matter because it's always moo."

Any-Dare-7261 · 2025-03-02T10:00:28+00:00

And you probably can have a place for your stuff too! Because it is your house, not her house and your the servant with a penis.

superman_410 · 2025-03-02T09:48:56+00:00

Did you happen to sweep/mop the floors? Why TF not? I dont miss that shit either 😎

Moist-Try-1123 · 2025-03-02T09:37:26+00:00

What about doing the cleaning? I absolutely can relate to this... constant nagging didn't do this.. wrongly put something...i just hope you pull through for my kid..

Azazl187 · 2025-03-02T09:33:59+00:00

Did you leave crumbs on the kitchen side for longer than 20 seconds?

Character_Pop_6628 · 2025-03-02T09:18:33+00:00

Closest thing you can get to being man of the house these days is living alone

Speesh-Reads · 2025-03-02T09:17:35+00:00

That's as maybe, but...did you fold the towels correctly?!

Title	This morning I filled the dishwasher and nobody told me that I had done it wrong.
Author	Dry_Yogurt2458
Upvotes	360
Comments	140
Date	March 2, 2025 9:08 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1j1mubb/this_morning_i_filled_the_dishwasher_and_nobody/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/this-morning-i-filled-the-dishwasher-and-nobody.1545371 https://theredarchive.com/post/1545371

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