Q4M: Do you believe that being vulnerable is sexy to women?

Kreeps_United · 2025-03-16T06:45:27+00:00

Women have been saying this over and over, but I get the sense that men don't believe it for me some reason.

The video starts by saying, "we need to teach men and women..."

Men have lived experiences the way women have lived experiences. A lot of us can't be vulnerable because life taught that having problems is seen as a character flaw.

This sub has constant posts telling men that their problems mean they're a bad person or aren't real. We've been through a lot of that in real life.

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-03-16T07:03:43+00:00

I think a lot of women genuinely believe this but when faced with their man actually being vulnerable they realize that it isn’t true and they lose some level of attraction for him.

This could be said with most of women’s attraction in general because I think most don’t want to believe their attraction is as restrictive and similar to other women.

MrBeetleDove · 2025-03-16T08:30:32+00:00

Women have been saying this over and over, but I get the sense that men don't believe it for me some reason.

Women are not a monolith. True, a few women on the internet might be "saying this over and over". That doesn't mean it is true for all women.

Ironically, women are the first to point out when men inaccurately portray women as a monolith. Yet they also sometimes assume that their own preferences monolithically apply to other women.

Consider women who say: "I'm tired of emotional labor. I'm not his therapist! I want to date a man, not a child! Men need to go to therapy!" That's basically another way of saying she doesn't want male vulnerability in her relationship.

Feminists sometimes accuse men of upholding "patriarchical masculinity". But when I'm browsing social media, it actually seems much more common for women to enforce masculinity standards for men, than for men to do so.

Emotional_Meal748 · 2025-03-16T07:06:10+00:00

Nope. And men know this is BS. Men are not vulnerable (specially to women) because they know being vulnerable means they are gonna get hurt and rejected. Before trying “teach” men to be vulnerable, you can think and find out “why” men aren’t vulnerable.

Muscletov · 2025-03-16T09:51:36+00:00

Absolutely not.

But women already found a neat excuse to keep their self-image of progressive virtue even though they feel disgust towards vulnerable men:

Just claim he's doing it wrong! Give it a pseudo-scientific-sounding term like "trauma dumping" and there, you can blame your disgust on the man 🥰 Oh and it requires no evidence whatsoever! You claiming he did is enough!

GoldOk2991 · 2025-03-16T07:11:54+00:00

Once again, lived experience only matters if it makes women look good.

So many men come forward and talk about their experience with women losing attraction after they show vulnerability. But because this makes women look bad and exposes the lie that women are virtuous and aren’t sexist, it gets buried.

EsotericRonin · 2025-03-16T07:05:57+00:00

Assuming you're asking in good faith. So the video basically points to a confident man, she said a man who is strong in his convictions and knows himself and isn't afraid to show the world. You're describing a man who is actively venting about his fears and problems and opening himself up for ridicule, that's not exactly the same thing.

Crying and expressing deep seated issues and insecurities you have is not "sexy" to the majority of women. Its an emotional bonding moment potentially yes but its not anything more. Personally the only time I'll let a woman see me cry again is the death of a loved one. As for telling her my "fears" and "insecurities", only time im doing that is in a stoic, matter-of-fact or in the distant past type of manner.

I usually am more inclined than other red pill men to listen to women when they say that they like; but this is one of those scenarios that the vast, vast majority of men have negative experiences doing this. Once you're weak around a woman too much or too long or at the wrong time, you can see a piece of you dies to her and you can't really get it back. Even if you say that cerebrally you like a man thats not afraid to be vulnerable to you, we've all heard it, and we've all either had those vulnerabilities used against us or that woman simply, usually even subconsciously and not on purpose, lose some respect for us, in a way that's evident in how she treats us.

lmj1202 · 2025-03-16T11:35:18+00:00

Being truly vulnerable tanked 2 marriages for me.

First I had ptsd after too much time in war zones and it made me numb. After a couple years numb I struggled with depression and tried to be open with her and she fell out of love and left immediately. After 15 years together. I was never abusive, was supportive all that stuff. She to this day just says people fall out of love.

Second I came into thinking vulnerability and openess was the way. It is not. Married a boss babe. She tried to act like she was into it but in the end didnt want anything to do with me and eventuality left to pursue her CEO.

Now I'm in a long term relationship again, and Im vulnerable in very small doses. Like a short convo about an insecurity once every few months, which is enough for me to process stuff and not let it snowball, but not enough for her to lose attraction.

Id say you can be open with a VERY secure women in VERY small doses. Regardless, I'd say if you are struggling with things get a therapist.

shockingly_bored · 2025-03-16T08:52:14+00:00

When a man is vulnerable it makes you want to tear off his clothes. Nothing says sexy like a guy venting about his fears, insecurities, and making himself available for ridicule. That's hot.

Imagine saying "a woman at her lowest point is something I find sexy. I get so aroused when she's sobbing her heart out, when she's desperate and alone. When she's terrified and empty and cold inside" You sound horrible. That a man at his lowest ebb, and raw and broken is what you find attractive? That's the description of a monster

ViolentShallot · 2025-03-16T11:45:56+00:00

Yeah, vulnerability is attractive. Women love to see a man show emotion*

*Conditions attached

Conditions:

1- The emotion has to be either love, joy, or sadness. Emotions such an anger, apathy, bitterness, frustration and the like are "toxic masculinity" and/or "scary". Any display of them is liable of being considered domestic violence.

2- The emotion must be shown by either lighly and manly crying or stoicly stating it. This is still considered "showing" somehow.

3- The duration of such emotional display must be short enough not to become burdensome. Else it's going to be deemed "emotional work" and "we are not your therapist". Anything longer than a few days will heavily risk a break up because "I can't anymore"

4- The emotion must have a relatively irrelevant cause. "Crying because he's afraid to lose me" is perfectly fine, "Crying because his best friend died" is not.

5- In addendum to point 4, the cause of the emotion, if it's negative, must never be the woman seeing the emotion. That's deemed emotional blackmail and/or "being weak".

6- By the statement "women love to see a man show emotion", it's implied the display is for her. Displaying emotion for any other woman is considered "an emotional affair".

So, yeah, it's emotional voyeurism. Women aren't attracted to vulnerability, they are attracted to a performance. It needs to be a specific emotion, displayed in a specific way to a specific person for a specific duration and approved specific causes, or else you're going to get seriously kicked when you're down.

Advice for any men reading this: unless you already have such an iron tight control of your feelings that you can hide how you feel and at the same time manage to put on a vulnerability mask thay they will "oh so much love" without revealing the true turmoil beneath, just don't fucking bother. They say they love emotion but will be completely fine with manly stoicism. Zero ick chances.

RahLyt · 2025-03-16T14:03:40+00:00

I feel like women think life is a movie.

They don't see their man as a real person with emotions, fears and insecurities.

She wants the validation of her man trusting them enough to open up.

Until they actually do and they have to deal with it.

Dry-Ad3452 · 2025-03-16T06:54:28+00:00

It is absolutely NOT sexy to women. They are disgusted, icked out, and insulted and inconvenienced by men are dare to be human.

This is one of the very few areas in dating that I have not suffered with. I have seen men, including my own father and both my brothers, have to deal with this.

Mysterious-Solid-646 · 2025-03-16T16:19:45+00:00

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no further comments your honor

Superannuated_punk · 2025-03-16T06:37:41+00:00

Not in and of itself, no.

I don’t think it’s possible to have a loving relationship without a great deal of vulnerability and trust.

But I don’t think showing a softer side with a chick is going to instantly turn her into a raging horn-bag either; and I think it’s a little disingenuous to say it will.

Downtown_Werewolf_44 · 2025-03-16T08:13:39+00:00

Vulnerabilty isn't sexy for a man. Spreading that is strait up lies. Some women will look throught it (and they are keepers) but almost none will be attracted to it.

If you think vulnerability is sexy, you clearly never saw a man breaking down, there's nothing sexy about it. only woman with strange savior complex are attracted to that and it's not an healthy attraction.

What women trully find attractive is resilience, a man getting some shit and still fighting, this woman in your video even say it, the key word is "STRONG". What she have in mind is: a man saying "I've some issues but I manage" is more attractive than some bullshit "I'm a rock and I have no weakness" .I do agree with her, but both are kind of a positive in a relationship. Real vulnerability means "I have issues, I'm helpless and I don't know what to do" and it's almost NEVER a positive nor an attractive thing for a guy.

Every_Pirate_7471 · 2025-03-16T09:19:42+00:00

I think a man being “vulnerable” about how much he likes his girlfriend is attractive specifically to his girlfriend if she wants him to commit. I don’t think a man showing his emotions in any other context is attractive to women, no.

SlyStocks · 2025-03-16T07:24:35+00:00

Of course not. My gf was totally put off by me crying during movies and so on, for example. She doesn’t like it at all.

DelDivision · 2025-03-16T09:19:59+00:00

It depends on the woman, but in my experience no. It's just ammo for them to use later.

bruhholyshiet · 2025-03-16T07:21:47+00:00

It would be foolish to generalize and treat women as a monolith, so I'll simply say what I think some women do, either consciously or not.

I think many women sincerely believe they want a vulnerable man and openly ask for that, but they don't realize what they are truly asking for because they have an idealized image of what a vulnerable man is that they kinda fetishize.

With this I mean the guy that is extremely perceptive and sensitive about his girlfriend's needs without her needing to tell him, the guy that constantly says how much he loves her and how torn apart he would be if something happened to her, the guy that is strong and manly but lets some brief and small moments of emotion leak and only to his special girl, the guy that basically breathes and lives to make his girl happy, etc.

The common pattern in all the examples I mentioned is the following: The guy's emotions are a means for the woman to feel either good, important, protected or flattered. The guy's vulnerability is in service to the woman, it's not for himself to feel better.

Those women that convincingly say they want a man who opens up, would probably feel weirded out, disappointed or even disdainful, about a man breaking down crying about something unrelated to her, about a guy temporarily shut down because of stress and anxiety, about a guy with depression, about a guy confessing insecurities he has, or about a guy simply asking to be held and cuddled.

So, I look at the statement of "women find vulnerability in men sexy" with a bit of suspicion because of what I already said, and because it kinda sounds fetishizing and as if women are talking of men's vulnerability as some sort of delicious dish which I find... Kinda weird.

Needless to say, and like I stated at the beginning, this is just my perception about what I feel some women do, not all or even most of them.

Edit: I thank you for making this post, it gave me the chance to write my thoughts about this subject. I hope the discourse is civil and not heated.

Kind_Parsley_6284 · 2025-03-16T07:23:49+00:00

I think this really depends on how we define vulnerability and the context it's shown in.

A man being open about his emotions can definitely be attractive because it signals trust, emotional intelligence, and depth. But there’s a difference between being vulnerable sometimes and becoming emotionally dependent or losing composure regularly. Many women appreciate a man who can open up occasionally, but most still seem to want him to remain their rock most of the time.

It’s not about women lying when they say vulnerability is sexy. They probably mean it in specific moments when a normally strong, composed man shows his softer side in a way that doesn't undermine their sense of security in him. Vulnerability in doses can humanize you, make you relatable, and deepen connection. But if a man frequently vents his fears and insecurities without resolution, it can shift the dynamic. The "steady pillar of strength" role doesn’t completely go away just because society talks more about emotional openness.

In my experience, women appreciate authenticity, but they also tend to feel less attracted when a man stops being a source of stability entirely. It's a balancing act in showing emotion without making her feel like she now has to carry you emotionally.

So yeah, vulnerability can be sexy… in the right measure, at the right time, and with the right person.

Colt_Master · 2025-03-16T08:59:03+00:00

The video rings somewhat true. The "sigma gigachad" stereotype of guy being vulnerable and emotionally open is a plus.

"Meek insecure beta" type guys sadly I think get more mileage from faking it till they make it, and try to hide and work on their mental state themselves, or with trusted non-romantic partners.

cryptopialypse · 2025-03-16T14:26:57+00:00

Some men confuse vulnerability with insecurity. Insecurity is unnatractive to women. I do think vulnerability CAN be attractive, but most examples men can think of when they've showed "vulnerability" and they shot themselves in the foot, they actually just showed insecurity. Showing vulnerability with responsibility and self awareness can actually be a big display of self confidence.

KayRay1994 · 2025-03-16T14:48:57+00:00

I’ve kinda been on both sides of this and I’ve spoken to others who have - but ultimately, more women find vulnerability sexy than not. That doesn’t mean that some women won’t find vulnerability attractive, cause some certainly don’t.

That being said, when it comes to expressing vulnerability - that in itself usually decides what it says about you. Many of the complains of “women don’t find vulnerability attractive” either comes from expressing it to the wrong woman, or expressing insecure whining and mistaking that for vulnerability.

“But they’re the same” one might say - not at all. I think expressing vulnerability ‘right’ is all about knowing where and when to express it, and understanding that the vulnerability you’re expressing isn’t a whine or aimless ramble, but rather, an invitation to look within, reflect and lay out some issues that need solving - whether you’re simply bouncing off ideas or literally asking for their help. Though when whining insecurely with no end goal or direction is involved, that’s when it starts to feel unattractive

caption291 · 2025-03-16T16:21:00+00:00

When women imagine a man being "vulnerable" I think what they functionally picture is a guy "opening up" for 10 seconds in super vague terms about a problem that makes him look strong rather than weak and then the scene changes and he never talks about it ever again as he's basically already over it. I'm sure women would find that kind of vulnerability attractive, if it actually existed in the real world.

Legate_Retardicus84 · 2025-03-16T18:13:34+00:00

Lmao. Nothing is more off-putting to a woman than a man being vulnerable.

burneraccountguydude · 2025-03-17T07:02:05+00:00

Not in the slightest. If you think you like a vulnerable man you already were attracted to him before. If a man were to come to you being vulnerable but he was unattractive to you, you’d probably be put off and disgusted. Attraction can vary but is normally based on masculine physical and mental traits of a man.

wizardnamehere · 2025-03-17T10:38:22+00:00

What does emotionally vulnerable mean to you? Because I find the prospect of someone (man or woman) finding it sexy or arousing strange in the year off your clothes you described.

Are you sure you mean emotional vulnerability?

Anyway. No I don't think women find it sexy.

It might be an important emotional bonding moment.

But in my experience women (especially younger and less experienced women) can find it hard to cope when the gendered expectations are over turned like that. Expectations have taught that normally the man should be reassuring the crying woman, not the reverse. A man having a breakdown and crying can be scary and stressful.

smlwng · 2025-03-16T06:51:58+00:00

I think what women want is a man who can show vulnerability in private but is strong in public. Women don't want men who are constantly vulnerable.

Psykotyrant · 2025-03-16T08:10:22+00:00

Evidently not. I wouldn’t want something that I consider like a house appliance and a cash machine to have feelings either, to be honest.

Being vulnerable and showing feelings is extremely dangerous for a man. It makes you more easily manipulated, look weak, and show a failure in education.

Nidken · 2025-03-16T08:38:42+00:00

Depends on how you define vulnerable.

Vulnerable as in "willing to express yourself honestly" is attractive and sexy. But I would probably call that honesty or self-assuredness.

Vulnerable as in "I don't feel worthy of love and I'm scared and don't know what to do" is disgusting to women and repulses them. I think every guy here would attest to that.

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Technical_End9162 · 2025-03-16T10:08:52+00:00

Real simple, women are attracted to a man’s competence the same way men are women are attracted to each other’s appearance

So if when you’re being vulnerable and talking about emotions and mental health, and she interprets it as you being incompetent and weak, she will loose sexual feelings for you

However if she interprets it as you being confident in your ability and handling your emotions competently, she might actually gain attraction at how competently you handle emotions since everyone has emotions and you might get more close

growframe · 2025-03-16T12:54:10+00:00

I think women have an idealised fantasy version of a man being vulnerable that they find hot, but are turned off by it in practice.

Similar to the way some women have "rape fantasies" but don't actually want to be raped or assaulted. A fantasy where you're in complete control and can detach whenever you want is vastly different to genuine experiences.

Ego73 · 2025-03-16T13:34:31+00:00

I believe women find an attractive man being vulnerable as sexy, yes

AssPlay69420 · 2025-03-16T13:45:57+00:00

If done perfectly.

But how do you curate vulnerability?

Actual male vulnerability looks like anger, yelling, ranting and raving and saying mean shit, etc.

But then you’re back to square one - if you love someone, do you accept the things in them that you may not want to find out?

They’re afraid, they’re lonely, they’re unstable, they’re not ambitious, you’re better at this or that, they’re better at something you’re insecure about, etc.

Like, have the dream of being a stay at home dad and watch, even if only women, how people react to that.

You’re never really ready to see men as they are because we’re just a foil for whatever darkness you have.

Any awful thing you’ve wanted to do or say or actually went forward with, you can rest assured that some dude somewhere did worse.

But if we actually ever got to seeing each other as people, it’d be too much.

We have to maintain the game we’re playing, everyone does.

No one wants to actually have men and women see each other as people.

There’s too much damage to fix that we wouldn’t even know where to begin.

trotofflames · 2025-03-16T14:49:40+00:00

Unfortunately, as with all things in life, it depends.

It depends on if the man has the emotional strength to admit his fears.

It depends on if this is a special moment between lovers or if he is someone who constantly spouts his fears and insecurities to everyone around.

It depends on the woman listening to him and if she was raised to see this type of talk as emasculating for a male.

Personally I've experienced both. My earliest experiences as a man taught me that being emotionally vulnerable with a woman means being mocked and ridiculed.

It took many years to undo that damage.

James_M_Croft · 2025-03-16T15:50:15+00:00

This is called a fetish. It is fine to have a fetish. Dont assume others share your fetish or that it is somehow normal.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-03-16T16:21:07+00:00

Well the rare case where I revealed my weakness to a woman were "tolerated" at least, but this is something I try not to do with my actual partner so she won't lose her security

catdog8020 · 2025-03-16T17:50:36+00:00

I agree but only if you are in a long term relationship with a woman. Not a good idea to talk about your fears of getting fired from your job or other insecurities you have until the woman has selected you as a mate. Why? Because that’s going to make her feel insecure about your emotional stability.

One time I was dating a woman and I was going through some depression and was expressing my feelings and she said how can I be happy and be with you if you’re not happy. lol 😂

No-Cable9636 · 2025-03-16T19:46:14+00:00

The juice is just not worth the squeeze.

Fact of the matter is that there is just more women out there that don't like it than there are women who do like it. I got male friends and family members I can be vulnerable with when I need it, there's just no need for me to risk giving her the ick or w/e.

woodclip · 2025-03-17T02:21:41+00:00

When a man is vulnerable it makes you want to tear off his clothes. Nothing says sexy like a guy venting about his fears, insecurities, and making himself available for ridicule. That's hot.

If a 6'2 Chad vents about his fears and insecurities, he's hot. If an ugly 5'2 manlet does the same, he's a loser.

just_a_place · 2025-03-17T05:47:45+00:00

Fuck hell no!

That is a classic shit-test women do to see if a man is pussy enough to actually do it

Women are in reality repulsed by it. Gives 'em the ick.

Guys, don't fucking fall for it! 🙄 You gotta be pretty fucking stupid to fall for this shit at this point.

classicslayer · 2025-03-17T12:07:56+00:00

Depends on the guy and how much masculinity tokens he has.

Intelligent-Insight · 2025-03-18T18:39:17+00:00

LOL she can be talking all she wants, we see what men are getting picked by women and get laid. And those men aren't getting that treatment because of being vulnerable.

You want to teach that vulnerable is sexy? Ok, do it. But show, don't tell. Words mean nothing. Show how you are turned on by vulnerable men. When men see that women are lining up for vulnerable men, then those naturally will replace chads and bad boys in all the nightmare fuel stories. You will see oh wow she must be fucking all those vulnerable men or Damn she fucked all those vulnerable men in her youth and now expects you to commit. on TRP. That's when you know you taught men.

How else does she think women will teach men that vulnerable is sexy?

Efficient-Baker1694 · 2025-03-16T06:41:20+00:00

No. But it’s important thing for both a men and women to do to each other when they are in a relationship.

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-03-16T12:34:14+00:00

Only if you have a plan or talk about it in hindsight and have overcome everything.

Otherwise, they seem the (subconsciously)act as though you are burdening them.

USPSHoudini · 2025-03-16T12:39:41+00:00

Each of these threads is nothing more than an incel posting about how catcalling doesnt actually happen when you could just ask the average woman and usually receive an answer of around 10 when it started

Gravel_Roads · 2025-03-16T09:12:24+00:00

I don’t think being vulnerable will sexually arouse most women. That would be a terrible evolutionary response, considering women would be getting aroused by babies and sick people.

I know from personal experience that letting yourself be vulnerable around someone you trust makes you feel closer to them… as long as they prove to be trustworthy.

So “making yourself vulnerable” won’t get you casual sex. But it is a mechanism that naturally happens in relationships that test the couple, and couples that support each other when they’re vulnerable become closer and have more to appreciate.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2025-03-16T10:19:12+00:00

TL;DR No, it’s not sexy, yes it can help sexy men get laid.

By definition, being a vulnerable man is not stronger.

And no, being vulnerable in itself is never sexy.

However… are there situations when being vulnerable can be a major contributing factor to you getting laid at that particular moment?

Absolutely.

That clip is actually a very good example of when women are communicating something that is different than objectively what they are saying though.

I’ll try and translate it for you: “ I really wish that men I’m attracted to would be less scary to me. It’s been very frustrating when I’ve wanted to have sex with a guy, but he didn’t make me feel safe enough and it was either an uncomfortable experience for me even though I had sex with him, or he showed a little bit of vulnerability and it was much easier for me to have a strong connection while I had sex with him. I really wish men I’m attracted to would understand this. We should teach them.”

Women need to feel a cocktail of emotions in order to decide to have sex with someone, especially for the first time. Often times, attraction is already well established, but the woman might need a little bit more comfort… She might need to feel like the guy that she’s talking to is not an asshole. Being vulnerable can be extremely effective in these situations.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-03-16T12:35:57+00:00

What a lot of people here don’t quite understand is that what people see when a person is being vulnerable is a person being real. They aren’t putting on act to try and look like the “tough guy/alpha”. They aren’t hiding behind things or shutting a part of themselves to protect their ego: you are opening up a genuine true part of themselves to connect with another person or persons.

And that openness and genuine real connection really appeals to a lot of people who are themselves so afraid to open up and be real themselves, that it communicates the “hey, we are all human here and it’s ok to be who you really are to build up this relationship” whether it’s romantic or in any other form of relationships we have in life

And it’s the ability to be open like that AND comfortable enough in your own skin that a lot of people find attractive, or appealing. Or just are envious because they are afraid to be real themselves. Not everyone, there are people that aren’t comfortable around you when you’re being your genuine self. But it’s better to keep others like that away anyways cause they aren’t gonna ever be your “ride or die” in any capacity later no matter what.

So being venerable is appealing to people who go “thank god I finally found someone who can be real with me”

Too many people here just think being venerable means acting weak.

Title	Q4M: Do you believe that being vulnerable is sexy to women?
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	0
Comments	126
Date	March 16, 2025 6:24 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1jcfchn/q4m_do_you_believe_that_being_vulnerable_is_sexy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-do-you-believe-that-being-vulnerable-is-sexy.1546678 https://theredarchive.com/post/1546678

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