Men would have a much better time dating if they believed that they were actually the prize.

Pleasant-Toe8878 · 2026-01-12T14:45:59+00:00

That's only one element of success taught by the RP — and not the first one to chase. It's difficult to behave as the prize when you're skinnyfat, dressed poorly, slouching, and have poor social skills and low testosterone. Fake it till you make it, yes, but putting in the work is still an unskippable step that precedes becoming the prize.

Terrible_Mixture_759 · 2026-01-12T16:07:55+00:00

Men would have a better time dating if they had actual self esteem

throwaway164_3 · 2026-01-12T16:01:59+00:00

If men believe they are the prize, most will be alone

You are making the mistake that treats men and women as equivalent and interchangeable in dating

You fail to understand that men and women are fundamentally very different due to evolutionary biology and sexual selection

Men compete with other men for access to sex and women want to get fucked by the hottest/fittest men.

Women are vastly more privileged as they get free attention without having to try much at all and men will not succeed by acting as women in dating.

Smart-Mall4110 · 2026-01-12T15:44:54+00:00

Um, it's called having respect for yourself and being respectful to others.

Mrmonster225 · 2026-01-12T16:10:04+00:00

I get what you’re trying to say but I think it’s more so men raising their self-esteem is the answer to having a better time dating. When you think highly of yourself, that tends to project outward in your appearance, actions, & even how you approach dating. Instead of being in the mindset that you have to perform, what you do & say, gets out of the realm of trying to impress women & being natural around them.

2026-01-12T16:36:19+00:00

The truth is if most men believed that they were the prize, they wouldn't even chase women, and all the time and energy they spend chasing and trying to impress them would be spent on much more important things. But because they believe that only women are the prize, a lot of their energy is spent trying to impress women and trying to get approval and acceptance, which makes them less attractive to women.

This isn't true. I could literally spend all my time on "much more important things" and have little to no interaction with women. That's not going to get me a partner.

Most men actually believe that its their role in life to chase women and if a woman takes the initiative or approaches them (or even insist on paying for herself on a date), it makes them feel less "manly". If there's any truth to the male loneliness epidemic, its because most men dont feel like they are the prize and are always externalising their power, especially when it comes to dating and relationships.

Idk where you're getting this idea. It's completely asinine to think men rejecting women is the reason for the so-called male loneliness epidemic.

Ironically, when a man genuinely believes that he's the prize (as strongly as women do, if not more), he actually becomes more attractive to women (this is obviously assuming that women already find him somewhat attractive).

The key part is the last bit. You're basically saying being desperate is unattractive, which is true. If you're not already attractive, however, nobody will care how not desperate you are or are not. I know this because I'm neither attractive nor desperate, and women are definitely not beating down my door.

Academic-Ball-9606 · 2026-01-12T18:30:26+00:00

Why do you think women hate all these mens movements so much?

No-Rough-7390 · 2026-01-12T19:59:01+00:00

Women talk about this magical “confidence” but only want it on their terms. Doesn’t work that way.

2026-01-12T15:31:43+00:00

Hmm, by looking at me and my friends' interactions it has been the other way around. If the girl is slightly more attractive or on the same level of attractiveness as the guy she will put more effort. If the guy is significantly less attractive only then he will put more effort. I think that's because women have an easier time accepting the bare minimum plus insecurities.

Livid-Log7463 · 2026-01-12T18:18:00+00:00

Being the “prize” or not isn’t possibly determined by believing such, but by how the opposite sex believes you to be.

Large_Bed_4251 · 2026-01-12T20:03:15+00:00

But we aren't. Women are.

I could tell myself that I can throw a football like Tom Brady all day long, but reality has to matter at some point.

Solondthewookiee · 2026-01-12T15:06:42+00:00

I don't think you have to see either person as the "prize," how about just have self-respect and not believing you're required to stay with whatever person says yes. But I largely agree with your post, especially the last part; dudes here cannot grasp how deeply unattractive desperation is to women.

ivegotcharisma · 2026-01-12T14:49:06+00:00

This won’t ever work because men are more desperate for women than women are for men. I mean, isn’t the current dating climate proof of this enough? Less men are asking women out today and we’re in dire straits. 😂

Lemon_gecko · 2026-01-12T15:05:06+00:00

"they believe that women are the prize and not them." - that's not my experience at all. Starting with "what do you bring to the table" to classic "if you don't do it he'll find someone else who does".

"many women believe that they are the prize and they act accordingly" - that is also not my experience. A lot of women are deeply insecure and are putting up with atrocious things. People who value themselves wouldn't do that. While yes, men want women more, and chase them more, the reality is more nuanced. Many women don't chase men because of cultural instruction, slut-shaming, men having 0 respect if a woman does it etc. Also because most of them just don't need to. In addition, the truth is that women are raised with a deep sense of insecurity and low self-esteem, which influences how they see the reality.

"a lot of their energy is spent trying to impress women and trying to get approval and acceptance, which makes them less attractive to women." - if they are losing respect of women by doing that, then they are simply doing something wrong.

"If there's any truth to the male loneliness epidemic, it is because most men don't feel like they are the prize" - i can spin this. I think that the reason is that men feel like they are the prize and women simply disagree.

wtknight · 2026-01-12T14:50:01+00:00

Men aren’t the prize, though. Women can live without men easier than men can live without women because men have a stronger ego fixation on being able to attract a woman, and because women form stronger same sex friend networks than men do.

BetterToIlluminate · 2026-01-12T15:33:30+00:00

I think both men and women need to recognize their value but I wouldn’t frame that as a “prize.” I also think that some people largely inflate what they bring to a relationship, and that false view of oneself often hinders them. Recognizing your value is good; viewing yourself as some prize by your mere presence, no matter how unpleasant and grating you are, is vanity and entitlement.

I don’t think that thinking you deserve to be treated like royalty while bringing nothing to the relationship is becoming on either men or women.

If you mean more people to recognize they have value as human beings and act in a dignified way that also recognizes others’ humanity and dignity, absolutely. If you mean that men or women should act as if they deserve something in a dating relationship (sex, extravagant gifts, whatever) because they are just so wonderful, no. If you mean that people should be able to act like shrieking banshees or raving lunatics because they are the prize, and blame it on others with no accountability (all my exes are narcissists, crazy, etc.), then no.

I do view my husband as a “prize” in the positive sense; otherwise I wouldn’t have married him. I wouldn’t have married someone that I didn’t love and respect. I wouldn’t respect someone (with the kind of respect necessary for a wife to have for a husband) if he didn’t show me he deserved that kind of respect. So, if that’s acting like a “prize?” Sure.

I do think men will always pursue women more overtly (more overtly is key here, and the covert methods women have used since the dawn of humanity still happen) than women will men, due to the differences on average between men and women.

WebNew9978 · 2026-01-12T15:52:19+00:00

Well I do like to believe I’m the prize of sorts. But I also realized that I’m also the shitty prize no woman wants. They’d rather off themselves than having the prize of me.

World-Three · 2026-01-12T16:27:53+00:00

Men can't be the prize until people appreciate them completely.

Just relate it to gifts. If you get a gift, you can be happy you got anything, which most men are, but typically, opening the gift and seeing what it is brings the real appreciation.

The same as going out. Women's disgust for going somewhere they don't want to go (despite not saying so) is only discovered after being brought there. The gift was being taken out, but under the wrap, was something they didn't want, and now you're in a position where you'd have been better off giving her nothing.

Gifts also become less appreciated when they're compared. You bought her jewelry, but her friend's man bought his girl something better, she's not a better girl than your girl is she? And now your effort to show appreciation has been reduced by an outside force. Because you're expected to create an atmosphere where your lady wants for nothing.

If men typically have nothing done for them, no gestures made, and are typically watched, beckoned, but not approached, how would they ever feel like a prize? It's not that I don't think that they can be, or just are... But there isn't really any environmental support to sustain let alone provide that feeling for men to hold.

I can't act like men would ever feel like the prize for any other reason but to give empty confidence for them to waste effort on various women who will rob him blind. If I felt like a prize, I'd raise absolute hell over getting one word texts back, or being cancelled on late, stood up, etc. And while I could do those things, none of them is better than returning to the lobby, and playing with someone else. You cannot make people respect you, ever. So getting upset with someone who doesn't care enough about you is a useless effort.

If men WERE (in action or commitment) the prize, men getting upset and showing various horrible women they've experienced would get them positive attention, like it does (or did), for women. But it does the opposite. Where it's like work, employers hate when you talk bad, because you'll likely talk bad about them too.

There's too much that needs to change for it ever to be a reality to me.

N_Count_Council · 2026-01-12T18:49:04+00:00

In order to believe you are the prize, you need abundance. You can't just "be the prize" without being able to enforce it.

2026-01-12T19:52:36+00:00

Getting a woman to want you is a casino. Every other piece of advice is pure BS. Take your shot and move on if it doesn't work.

Flightlessbirbz · 2026-01-12T21:10:14+00:00

Men would be happier if they didn’t believe ANYONE was a “prize.” Because they’re not. That doesn’t mean having a partner isn’t worth it if they’re right for you, not at all. But nobody is a prize, we’re all just people with flaws and good points, some more compatible with you than others. Viewing either yourself or others as a prize is delusional and mildly dehumanizing to everyone involved.

BCRE8TVE · 2026-01-13T05:27:13+00:00

I can believe I'm a millionaire all I want, it's not going to pay my bills.

Ironically, when a man genuinely believes that he's the prize (as strongly as women do, if not more), he actually becomes more attractive to women (this is obviously assuming that women already find him somewhat attractive).

Yeah that 2nd part is doing about 99% of the heavy lifting in that sentence.

yeppeunxria · 2026-01-13T07:09:56+00:00

Me personally when men act like they’re the prize it’s such a turn off.

burneraccountguydude · 2026-01-14T05:25:13+00:00

Ok be the prize and wait for women to come to you. Your going to be a waiting a long fucking time.

Doesn’t matter what you do or how you improve yourself, women arnt about to give up the power of being the prize.

NiaMiaBia · 2026-01-12T15:24:08+00:00

IDK… seems like a lot of men already think they’re the prize.

I was casually talking to a guy for a few weeks, he INSISTED that he was the prize, and he completely was not - and not even close. He wasn’t particularly attractive. He had bad teeth. He was pushy too. But, he’s tall (not a huge plus in my book) and he thought he made a good salary as a real estate agent. He really leaned on the “protector and provider” shtick. At no point was I even mildly impressed by him.

Online, I’ve seen some of the same “men are the prize” framing and it’s laughable to me personally. Good luck to them though 🍀

mashedturnip · 2026-01-12T15:28:41+00:00

Male thirst is undefeated, dude. Not only do men not want to curb it, they will attack anyone who says they should

2026-01-12T15:07:00+00:00

Nah, I think he just needs to believe in gender equality at some level. Gender equality is the biggest killer of desperation. The argument eventually becomes "Why would I overinvest in a woman that makes less money than me, has lower status than me, destabilizes my life, and needs pounds of makeup to match my looks?"

IndependentNew7750 · 2026-01-12T16:09:53+00:00

Men are not the prize unless they’re extremely good looking or wealthy. Dick is cheap and easily accessible, men are whores

MarioWilson122 · 2026-01-12T22:21:50+00:00

Well, it’s hard to feel like a prize as a man, unless of course you become extraordinary in some way or already very attractive. So, it’s not possible to believe that for most men since most men don’t fit those 2 categories.

Also, its engrained into society that the men are supposed to chase, since women don’t care to get rid of this role in general, then men are going to be the ones that have to pursue. Especially since men have more of a drive to do so anyway.

Since men’s hormones are a lot stronger then most women, because of the testosterone that men have. So, they will crave sexual desires more than women do in general.

So, they have a couple major things that drive them to make the move. So, these reasons are why it is the way it is, which is why any old woman can be made to feel special.

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ivanovic777 · 2026-01-12T16:01:27+00:00

As always, these debates start from a biased conceptual framework, typical of a male-centered perspective, which only takes into account the pre-coital phase, where the woman is cast as the hunting trophy and the man as the hunter. But relationships also have a post-coital phase, often much longer than the first, in which the woman has already lost her trophy status and instead becomes the one who has to pull out all the emotional labor to hold on to the man who has claimed her.

Disastrous_Agent9307 · 2026-01-12T16:08:19+00:00

I think everyone does better in dating if people are appropriately self-satisfied. This is to say, they will do best if they are aware of their virtues/vices, pros/cons, and have a solid sense of what/who they are and who/what would be most interested in that.

The problem with targeting everyone is you rarely end up hitting anyone because love/romance/attraction is specific, not general.

I don't agree this is a male specific phenomenon to be desperate and insecure...I've seen it in all the genders you can think of and many times women strike me as particularly desperate as much as men are.

The reason you don't see this in your brain is that the desperate and insecure individual is most often focused on secure and confident types (think opposites attract)...so they don't see their equal (the desperate and insecure woman for the desperate and insecure man).

Generically, being desperate and insecure chases away people and everyone would do better if confident and secure in themselves, but failing that, learning to pull their brains from being drawn to secure and confident types will allow them to see this isn't a unique phenomenon.

EugeneCezanne · 2026-01-12T16:46:15+00:00

when a man genuinely believes that he's the prize

There are a couple of problems with this. First, and most obvious, is that believing you're the prize in a society that doesn't is just going to result in utter delusion for most people. If no one treats you a the prize, thinking and behaving like it will likely prove maladaptive.

Furthermore, a society that isn't set up to reward your particular talents will slap you with a hard reality check. Imagine a FIFA star, world class athlete though he is, stepping onto a basketball court.

The average guy in modern society benefits more from learning to "chase" better than from not doing it at all, and will so long as that's still the way the game is played. On a long enough timeline, the game inevitably changes. But that's of little use to Kevin tomorrow.

if most men believed that they were the prize, they wouldn't even chase women

Second, this isn't necessarily true, from a sociohistorical lens. You could argue that the most men-are-the-prize time were essentially pre-feminist, when women were dependent on men for any economic and social standing and landing a good "catch" in a man was more central to the culture of courtship than finding a good "match." Whether financial means or social position was more important in any given place or age, we still routinely see that men were still the primary initiators and pursuers.

Anyway, while telling men they are the prize can be useful for a short-term morale boost, or encouraging conducting oneself with self-respect, it likely won't be the paradigm shift you're hoping for.

There is also a third option: the most post-modern "there is no prize," a perspective which recognizes that we're all just people, individuals of whom may be special to others precisely for their individuality and not membership in a privileged category.

pie-mart · 2026-01-12T17:14:59+00:00

Imo no one is the prize. I hate this war of who the prize is

The fucking prize is a healthy relationship and good sex.

If you, man or woman, is going around thinking you are the prize to be chased and pursued you are too egotistical and cooked with online dating bullshit

Yall like each other and are compatible so you work to establish and build a relationship together

Not to be treated like a king or queen simply cuz you are a specific sex

These-Purpose-7019 · 2026-01-12T18:54:58+00:00

I agree to a certain extent, but it has to be rooted in reality. Meaning said man needs something that women like for that to work

DGenerationMC · 2026-01-12T19:15:04+00:00

Be a buyer, not a seller.

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2026-01-12T20:10:26+00:00

I always knew I was the price - much better negotiating stance when the shooting starts.

Historical_Course587 · 2026-01-13T18:16:02+00:00

Men who believe women are the prize are thinking of themselves as the only character in their story.

Men who see themselves as a prize are thinking of the other person having agency and choosing them.

I don't think fixating on either one is healthy though. You set out to date and find love/sex/companionship, so that is defined to be the prize you're seeking. But seeing other people as individuals and not objects is also essential.

ram5690 · 2026-01-25T19:23:52+00:00

Genuine confidence does not breed success. Success breeds genuine confidence. You can't fake it. Confidence can only organically arise from social proof of one's status.

False-Forever6148 · 2026-05-23T06:40:35+00:00

Por que tanta dualización? La mujer es una persona,no un objeto,no lo vendas según lo percibis,estas vacio y queres mujeres por que pensas que te va a llenar y ni das atención a tu verdadero amor,estas consumido por la sociedad del consumo.

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EmpressJJ · 2026-01-12T16:24:16+00:00

Disagree, men with too much confidence borders a narcisstist which is just as unattractive. I would not date someone who considers "himself the prize". Tbh women also do not like being "less than" and they would have constant self image issues or wonder if he was just playing a shitty game if their partner acted that way (which by the way, a lot of overconfident men are)

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Slow_Celebration1328 · 2026-01-12T16:10:39+00:00

Hardly anyone at all, male or female, wants a partner who's either so up themselves or desires to be with their partner so little that they think they're the prize and their partner should be grateful to be with them or whatever. Do you even want to be with a partner you don't even see as worthy of you? Surely you should aim for a relationship where you each see the other as a prize.

Title	Men would have a much better time dating if they believed that they were actually the prize.
Author	Slow_Celebration1328
Upvotes	22
Comments	176
Date	January 12, 2026 2:40 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1qawmfs/men_would_have_a_much_better_time_dating_if_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-would-have-a-much-better-time-dating-if-they.1570989 https://theredarchive.com/post/1570989

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