Honesty is ruining romance

JonMyMon · 2026-02-11T05:51:24+00:00

I feel like this is the majority opinion, no?

I personally have a very low ego, so I love honesty and have the emotional bandwidth for it but most people do not and will freak out. What no one ever acknowledges is how lonely it feels to have this desire for honesty but constantly have to tiptoe over people's ego.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2026-02-11T10:25:45+00:00

If they are not the best in your eyes just don't date them. If you genuinely like them there is not need to lie.

ouishi · 2026-02-11T16:39:04+00:00

There is a false dichotomy between straight up lying and "brutal honesty." There is such a thing as kind honesty. We can all do better at that.

Trancetastic16 · 2026-02-11T07:45:40+00:00

I’ve seen some here argue that hiding some information was a necessity for cohesion between the sexes.

Well, if it lets most romances die, then let ‘em die I say.

Humanity has formed relationships based on misleading, lying, secretly compromising, and lying by omission, for too long.

The 50% divorce rate indicates that it often doesn’t out anyway.

If zero men and women wanted to reproduce and we’d be at risk of extinction, then that’d simply be natural selection and us failing to evolve our instincts.

It’s time for us to use the extra information of the internet to help us discover ourselves better and evolve for healthier, more honest relationships.

OkOutlandishness6370 · 2026-02-11T05:23:07+00:00

Yes OP. I too, detest the "prove we're not insecure" meta where you discuss your exes, maintain a celebrity crush, have a "work spouse", and all the other shit that modern liberal PC "enlightened" couples use to show that they are un-threatened by the implicit tensions of being monogamous-but-yet-still-a-human with occasional perverse desires/motives.

What if we're all just OPEN about the fact that it's occasionally hard to be married to the same person for ever. Lol, what if we're not just open about it but talk about it constantly and joke about giving each other hall passes if an opportunity with that one celebrity should ever arise, teehee we're so cool and laid back and not at all conservative, stuffy or insecure. But deep down we totally trust and are loyal to each other and that's WHY it's ok if we poke fun at how hard it is to only have sex with one person for the rest of our lives... right guys? We're enlightened and this is cool, right guys?

It's like a hair away from the "wife's boyfriend" meme about the guy being so secure in his masculinity that he even lets his wife sleep with other men, because to do otherwise implies he's not secure in being her best option so why not let her have fun on the side... monogamy is basically equivalent to being an over-compensating MAGAtard in a giant pickup truck. Whereas REAL men don't police their wife's sexuality... you won't even let her take another dick? What are you scared of, chud???

You really touched on something here OP.

Throwawaypmme2 · 2026-02-11T06:54:24+00:00

Ive never done that with any of my exs... maybe im not as red pill as I thought. Or maybe I understand that you cant blast peoples feelings with a shotgun all the time and expect them to stick around.

This isnt anything revolutionary, this is and always will be a fringe thing until people learn it drives people away

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2026-02-11T19:07:14+00:00

Wow, I'm just amazed to learn that there are guys who openly say that their wives are 4/10.

I've become more red-pill-sympathetic in recent times, but I've never seen anything positive about rating real life partners on a 10-point scale.

All I know is that I'm very much attracted to my wife, and I think she has a nice face and body, so I don't see any value in putting a number on that (but if I did, it would be way higher than 4).

ValeWho · 2026-02-11T09:07:53+00:00

You do know you can discuss this with your partner and you don't have to participate in this right? And there is a difference between being honest about important things and just voicing every thought you ever had out loud. And you (as a couple) get to decide what amount of honesty you want in your relationship. It's not that hard

-hypnose · 2026-02-11T09:53:18+00:00

Having a filter is a basic social skill. It is not the same thing as being dishonest.

Having standards is attractive, whatever those standards look like. I cannot respect people who rate their partners as 4 /10. It reads as though life simply happens to them, rather than them actively participating in it.

N_Count_Council · 2026-02-11T13:29:43+00:00

I think your idea is coming to the correct conclusion but blaming the wrong things.

You say your "husband is always the biggest and smartest" but only because you're lying to him, not because you abstained from casual sex and it's a fact

chobolicious88 · 2026-02-11T13:37:45+00:00

Its severe competetive individualism

BrainMarshal · 2026-02-11T06:54:19+00:00

Romance is what men do and women enjoy. It is a sad, one-sided concept that should be discarded.

Cool_Ranch_2511 · 2026-02-11T06:40:36+00:00

Ah yes, ignorance is bliss. Who wants to be like your boyfriend who you lie to about being the biggest and smartest guy, if it's not true? If romance has to be built on lies, it deserves ruin.

Main-Tiger8537 · 2026-02-11T07:10:25+00:00

honesty is not equal to rudeness...

Flightlessbirbz · 2026-02-11T10:56:25+00:00

I tend to agree for the most part, although I would say it’s always best to simply omit unnecessary information rather than lie or embellish.

I’ve never dated someone who did something like rate me a 4/10, and wouldn’t stick around if they did. But one form of brutal honesty I’ve encountered from men consistently is saying some extremely unflattering and private things about their exes… and I don’t need to hear that either. Like they seem to find it humorous and I can’t say I’ve never joined in and done the same, but really, it just made me think “what is he going to say about me if we don’t work out?” At this point in life, I just feel like “we should all know less about each other.”

egalitariandystopia · 2026-02-11T19:34:11+00:00

You deserve that award

gtbreddit1 · 2026-02-11T22:34:40+00:00

It is, but so it should. Romance built on lies deserves to die.

Complete-Record5167 · 2026-02-12T00:06:51+00:00

This is absurd. Women say insensitive shit to their partners every bit as much as men.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-02-11T06:43:17+00:00

Not at all. Lying about wanting a relationship when you really want sex is the problem

throwaway73737828 · 2026-02-11T06:36:29+00:00

Actually honesty amplifies romance. If both parties on the first date reveal what they expect from their partner that relationship is gonna go a long way. Women demanding the men to earn six figures and men demanding women to be good looking and be sexually ready everytime. That relationship would be more romantic than every other one, it would look more happy also. Best relationships are where you know what both parties expect from each other.

love_in_october · 2026-02-11T07:30:03+00:00

Absolutely brutal to tell your boyfriend his dick is perfect. How dare you. Anyway, if you're not honest with your partner, how do they know when you genuinely like something about them?

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Reasonable_Mouse789 · 2026-02-11T05:35:52+00:00

My boyfriend is always the biggest and smartest guy I've ever been with. And he loves to hear it.

That’s crazy, partner is always the hottest person I’ve ever been with and the most perfectest in bed

People should definitely shut up about exes and details more. “She had a nice butt” is enough for gossip

people are too fixated on being 'brutally honest' and 'authentic' about everything these days

Some people are hard to communicate with because they’re frustrated, embarrassed, stubborn, they don’t want to repeat what they communicated before & you didn’t listen, not currently lusting for you/in love with you which makes them treat you like crap, or expect you to know what they want without saying it

bluestjuice · 2026-02-11T16:26:23+00:00

I'm not too in touch with this phenomenon I guess, but I feel the need to point out that this is a great example of how different people want different things and it's impossible to decide a course of action that will please everyone.

What you say here sounds plausible, but at the same time there is a sizable percentage of men here who bemoan all the ambiguity, couched language, and plausible deniability that often comes along with the dating process. These guys crave clear, direct, and fully honest communication about this stuff.

I think the best anyone can do is try to find people whose preferences in dating match their own.

Otjahe · 2026-02-11T18:31:22+00:00

Why would an adult need you to lie to them though? Even if the person is insecure, wouldn’t obvious lies be obvious therefore worse? Usually we lie to kids

Aimeereddit123 · 2026-02-11T22:13:47+00:00

No. I’d rather a hard truth than a beautiful lie.

DankuTwo · 2026-02-11T23:04:06+00:00

Why lie to your boyfriend? An adult can accept that they’re not the smartest or “biggest”.

Exciting_Ad8206 · 2026-02-12T02:35:41+00:00

If your wife is 4/10 then why are you with her? Maybe you’re 0/10 and no other woman will look at you.

I would say this to these men. Cause i feel if you love someone then you’ll see them as smart, beautiful, great person. At least this is my opinion. I don’t see any issues with being honest, but I see issue when people say what they think without being asked. One I’ve been told that I’m fat out of nowhere. Em… okay I’m not blind I can see that, but I didn’t ask you about that. Or when people are honest about their partners / family / work/ etc how bad they are but they choose this partner, they choose to continue working without changing anything. I mean there are exceptions, but I’m talking when the person is constantly whining how bad this or that is

egalitariandystopia · 2026-02-13T06:41:59+00:00

My opinion was always to just avoid the subject, not call the man "the biggest". He will know you are lying, if he is on the smaller side and you had previous partners

Durende · 2026-02-13T09:26:47+00:00

I am an advocate for just being more openly honest in any situation.

But you can be honest and still be polite / not rude. Publicly rating anyone a 4/10, not to even mention your own wife, is not honesty, it's being a dick. You can keep your mouth shut without being dishonest.

James_M_Croft · 2026-02-13T16:16:21+00:00

For a little while in the 2000s and 2010s a small number of people was requiring everyone to do as they said under the threat of a tantrum.

So the culture divided. There are the authentic people and the liars.

You just happen to live amongst the authentic people. I live among the liars.

Sea-Promise-1182 · 2026-02-13T19:01:39+00:00

‘Everything and everyone is just perfect! If we just lie hard enough surely it’ll be true!’ Come on now, facing truth hurts but is the only way to move forward.

Content_Concert_2555 · 2026-02-11T14:11:49+00:00

There’s a diffferencd between a filter and dishonesty.

JonMyMon · 2026-02-11T06:26:51+00:00

I think "greatest of them all" is immature framing. I think "greatest connection I've felt from another human" is something more realistic. I wouldn't be offended if my partner called me a 5 out of 10 because I have value beyond my looks.

Due_Appointment_1188 · 2026-02-11T08:29:30+00:00

I think they're too performative. A lot of people are trying to fit a societal quota that hasn't even been done by the very individuals that created it in the first place.

People have just dated too many people, everyone is way too used up. Bonds that were supposed to be one in a lifetime can't even be recognized for being special anymore. We give up on each other way too easily, everyone is obsessive about filters, borders and red flags. It's like we're all collectively trying to keep ourselves and each other, single. Nobody is good enough for anyone. We date too many people before we start a relationship, and they end at the first signs of struggle or incompatibility.

Glittering_Win_5085 · 2026-02-12T14:59:01+00:00

Saying your wife is 4/10 publicly doesn't seem as bad as telling your boyfriend his dick is perfect and not too big don't seem comparable at all tbh. I can see why the latter may be offensive don't get me wrong, but there's a clear admiration and attraction there. the 4/10 wife is getting none of that.

NataliaCaptions · 2026-02-11T08:48:03+00:00

This only bother women since their entire social lives are built upon lies, fake compliments and consensus. Men ENJOY truth and I want the truth about human attraction to be laid bare.

Also women don't do romance. That's a man's thing... and romance dies once men understand how women are like which is another perks of brutal honesty.

Title	Honesty is ruining romance
Author	Adaline_B
Upvotes	21
Comments	168
Date	February 11, 2026 4:53 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1r1o3vd/honesty_is_ruining_romance/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/honesty-is-ruining-romance.1573234 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573234

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