You're single until you're married.

Flightlessbirbz · 2026-02-08T22:58:25+00:00

I used to agree with you and the whole RPW/pink pill idea of not doing “wife duties” for a boyfriend. And I still definitely think women have no obligation to do those things for a boyfriend (or even a husband if she works outside the home too).

However, these days I totally disagree with the reasoning of not doing those things in order to incentivize marriage. A man who wants to marry you will marry you, a man who doesn’t, won’t. It’s that simple. Dangling free labor like a carrot is silly — any man who would marry you for the promise of free labor but won’t if he can get it without marriage, is not a man worth marrying. It’s no better than “why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?” Why marry a man who thinks you’re a cow, ya know?

Women need to stop acting like marriage is a prize for us, because it’s not. Manipulating a man into marriage in any way, shape, or form is a great way to end up wanting a divorce afterward. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pro-marriage, I’m married myself. But the motivation for marriage for both men and women in this day and age should be wanting to spend your life with someone and making a public declaration of that, and also better facilitating combining your lives and having children together if you want that. Not “I give free labor in exchange for shiny ring and big party.”

Edit to add: I’m not including sex in “free labor” here, I just didn’t notice OP mentioned that. That’s something that also shouldn’t be dangled like a carrot, but is a personal choice to wait on or not depending on individual values.

Accomplished-Pin3073 · 2026-02-08T22:07:05+00:00

I really dislike this sub now

Hi-Road · 2026-02-08T22:39:01+00:00

Do yall actually date people you like? If you did, you'd see how insane all of this sounds. Y'all begin the relationship with a stick behind your back

kmb218 · 2026-02-08T22:05:34+00:00

I have zero desire to “make” someone marry me who does not desire to get married himself by not having sex with him (I also benefit from sex) and by not doing my part of basic adult chores and forcing him to do them for me.

If I get married, I want it to be with someone who genuienly desires that commitment rather than viewing marriage as a way to get me to have sex with him and a way to get me to behave like an adult (cleaning, cooking).

velvetalocasia · 2026-02-08T22:04:31+00:00

You never heard of divorce, did you?

Zabadoodude · 2026-02-08T22:04:58+00:00

Marriage is obviously a greater sign of commitment, but the difference between a serious relationship and marriage is actually not that huge. In most parts of the world "common law partners" are still entitled to part of shared assets acquired since they've been together. Married people can, and often do also get divorced.

A serious relationship is not being single.

mashedturnip · 2026-02-09T01:23:58+00:00

Not all relationships end in marriage, did you know ?

And divorce is a thing

krackedy · 2026-02-08T22:02:12+00:00

My wife and I had 2 kids and a mortgage when we got married. We both expected (and got) commitment before marriage was even discussed.

y2kjanelle · 2026-02-09T05:02:08+00:00

I don’t believe in the whole you’re single until you’re married thing but I do believe in reciprocity.

Don’t do all that shit for a man who’s not committing to you. Treat a man exceedingly well when he’s behaved and earned it. Same thing the other way around.

I have no idea why a woman would act like a wife with a man who doesn’t act like a husband. Treat men how they treat you.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2026-02-09T10:15:17+00:00

No your in a relationship, that has the possibility to turn into marriage if that’s both of your goals.

If you treat them like an option then the chance of it working out drop significantly

IndependentNew7750 · 2026-02-08T22:20:12+00:00

I've never heard an actual married person agree with this statement because most monogamous people value fidelity and "single until married" is contrary to that. I think this is relatively straightforward.

They'll move in, do all of the wifely duties (cooking, cleaning, caring, sex), and commit to a man fully, and then wonder why he doesn't propose.

First off, caring for your partner and having sex isn't a "wifely duty." If you feel like those are "duties" then maybe you shouldn't be dating in the first place.

As far as domestic labor, why do you even want to marry a guy that is motivated by how much cooking and cleaning you'll do for him?

bluestjuice · 2026-02-08T22:04:32+00:00

I don't agree that those things are wifely duties, first off.

But more broadly, people can and will negotiate their own understandings of the shared commitment and mutual obligations of their relationships. Some people never marry at all but live in decades-long committed relationships. Some people marry but don't cohabitate. It's honestly all up for grabs and fair game for customization, and I think that's a good thing.

From a general semantics standpoint, if I asked a coworker what their relationship status was and they said, "oh, I'm single!" but later I found out they have a partner they've been with for nine years, have a baby together, and are clearly partnered -- I might not be angry, but I'd find it really, really weird.

AutoModerator · 2026-02-08T21:57:30+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Disastrous_Agent9307 · 2026-02-09T02:15:02+00:00

Girl, no.

What you do is you do the things you want to do and that you would do if you saw your relationship escalating towards some pre-determined end game (apparently marriage).

And you clearly communicate what that potential pre determined end game is with a clear point at which you expect this end game to come true and that if not you will be breaking up. And you make sure whatever this timeline is would not prevent you from achieving your life goals (marriage, children, etc.)

And that you casually and occasionally while dating remind then you have these goals and you watch their reactions. If they're panicking about the idea of someday marrying you at 6 months, go ahead and bail. 1 year, def bail. 2 years, girl, Irish goodbye. Take the dog and run.

But this thing where you're single until the paper is signed is so destructive to your happiness and chances of achieving that end game. It's cruel to the person you supposedly like.

LillthOfBabylon · 2026-02-09T13:02:51+00:00

This is something it seems women especially struggle to understand. They'll move in, do all of the wifely duties (cooking, cleaning, caring, sex), and commit to a man fully, and then wonder why he doesn't propose.

Depends on if you care about marriage. Also, why would anyone want to marry someone that they think wont do certain things in a marriage?

Men, on the other hand, get that until you're married, you're free to dump your current partner at a moment's notice

People do that already when they're married with kids.

Or end up losing a partner we really loved because we expected full commitment from someone that is just a boy/girlfriend.

OR you can just discuss expectations. If you're big on marriage, set a timeline. In my country, people marry 2 to 5 years into dating. I would if you're really into marrying, give it 2 years.

ShelterNo5628 · 2026-02-08T22:02:13+00:00

Ok if you don’t want do shit before marriage then it’s a women job to do all the courting.

I like to be asked out aggressive, no cheap restaurants, be funny, I don’t pay on first dates either, be confident oh and make sure you drive me home cause I don’t have money for Uber thank you💅

TRY1NGMYB35T · 2026-02-08T22:30:41+00:00

No. The period prior to marriage is essentially a trial run to ensure that you will be compatible within a marriage. Now there is a conversation to be had about women potentially moving into that phase too quickly and that being taken advantage of, but advocating for not doing "marriage-y" things prior to marriage only leads to two outcomes. 1) you don't get married ever because you are not providing anything for a relationship or 2) you get married only to discover that you are incompatible when it comes to those aspects you withheld.

leosandlattes · 2026-02-08T23:39:38+00:00

The statement is correct but for the wrong reasons.

Relationships do not matter until you are married. Socially, legally, whatever. What is a bf/gf?? Nothing, no one recognizes a relationship as concrete unless it is marriage or heading toward marriage (engaged, you guys are talking about a timeline of being married, etc.).

Lift_and_Lurk · 2026-02-09T01:18:33+00:00

“Don’t let your boyfriend get in the way of meeting your husband” -overheard at a sorority once

AlarmingArm9919 · 2026-02-09T01:57:10+00:00

y'all ever gonna propose to men? why do you get the promises and the romance and all that shit?

feels like it's all about you

OkOutlandishness6370 · 2026-02-09T00:20:36+00:00

Men, on the other hand, get that until you're married, you're free to dump your current partner at a moment's notice.

Women initiate half of most non-marital breakups.

Women also initiate the majority of most divorces.

https://www.asanet.org/women-more-likely-men-initiate-divorces-not-non-marital-breakups/

As part of his analysis, Rosenfeld found that women initiated 69 percent of all divorces, compared to 31 percent for men. In contrast, there was not a statistically significant difference between the percentage of breakups initiated by unmarried women and men, regardless of whether they had been cohabitating with their partners.

I think humanity, in general, struggles with the idea of "full commitment". I'm not sure it was a good idea to begin with. Maybe should be replaced by a system where you re-evaluate the relationship on an annual basis and both parties have to consciously and continually opt-in.

ConstipatedAvocado · 2026-02-09T03:00:12+00:00

This sub used to be exclusively male incels making dumb rage bait but now there's a whole crop of narcissistic weirdos with vaginas to get in on the action.

And I say that as a married man. Who just got married and is around a bunch of other married couples. I dont think one didnt at least live together before getting married.

Hell, I dont even have anything against women who insist that a guy isnt truly committed until they are married. Nothing against women who preach about the importance of men being traditional either. But how on earth is a man meant to be encouraged if he's being told that "wifely duties" are only to be performed once you've tied the knot?

Judging from the replies, OP is clearly not a well adjusted individual. And this is the thing that bugging me. I legit feel the rate at which women seem to be showing the behavioural earmarks of paranoid, socially maladjusted incels is kinda mind boggling. Claiming that any woman who didnt immediately demand a ring the moment they moved in with a partner is just not the stance of a woman with either sound mind of healthy/extensive experience of healthy committed relationships with the opposite sex. A lot of women would absolutely balk at the idea of marrying a man they've barely lived with.

Perfect-Reading-761 · 2026-02-08T22:12:14+00:00

My husband and I were fully committed once we moved in together. We had a mortgage and shared assets before we married, we wanted to invest in property and get on the housing ladder before spending on a wedding

Also those aren't 'wifely duties'

AutoModerator · 2026-02-08T21:57:29+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

DefeatedWeakling · 2026-02-08T23:23:07+00:00

It's nice to see all of PPD universally come together on an idea being so bad.

Live-Maize6410 · 2026-02-09T04:09:33+00:00

I hear women say “don’t let your boyfriend stop you from meeting your husband “ way more than I ever hear men say the same. Just a thought

YeaNobody · 2026-02-09T06:22:07+00:00

Or none of the above if both people are compatible and just....live their lives? Happily even dare I say? Maybe the female doesn't have to assume the worst, maybe the guy doesn't just leave trash everywhere expecting her to take care of it.....shocking I know.

leefjk · 2026-02-09T17:18:41+00:00

In my experience, women understand that better than men. I think if you're a man or a woman, if you punch up in looks, the person above you realizes they can leave you at any moment, while the person who's below thinks "Wow this is great I have someone out of my league. Why would I leave?"

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2026-02-09T23:49:24+00:00

Novadina · 2026-02-10T02:32:37+00:00

What exactly happens with marriage that you think would change something so much?

Before my husband and I married, we owned a house together, we owned cars together, we owned pets together, we shared a bank account, our schedule was all tied together as we commuted to work together, we hung out with our friends together. After we married, that all stayed just as entwined, the only noticeable change was our health insurance cost went down, we got a tax break, and I was allowed to fund a spousal IRA for him. We walked into a courthouse and paid $80 and came out married. Honestly, buying the house seemed like more ”commitment” than getting married!

We don’t have “wifely duties” in my household though, everyone no matter what genitals they have are expected to maintain the living space. And we both enjoy sex so that’s not a duty at all but one of the activities we enjoy doing together.

xxTx-Toymanxx · 2026-02-10T16:20:18+00:00

Those things aren't "wifey" duties no more than a guy paying for everything is a provider duty.

Each partner makes a decision and have expectations of behaviors they would like a partner to have.

I do things for my partners because I not only care, but respect and value them. No more, no less. Marriage, is a non issue because I would do those things regardless.

Now, if i am dating someone, and I get this type of behavior in return? The relationship is done. Im not dating anyone trying to impose ultimatums.

If they want the security of a relationship, then be present and active in a relationship. If your going to act like a single party girl, go right ahead, no worries, no arguments, but I'll then treat you as the casual dating person you are but that also means im not going out of my way to do anything extra for you. Basically it becomes indifference. If we go out, great, if not, cool ill ask someone else.

Marriage in this day means exactly ZERO. Women can wake up bored one morning and end the marriage. No reason to push a legal contract with someone that showed you in advance they offer nothing to a relationship but conflict and ultimatums.

WinEnvironmental6901 · 2026-02-08T22:01:19+00:00

Biggest bs i have ever read. If you are in a relationship, esp if it's long term, then you aren't single for a bit.

The downvoters try to prove their point how can someone be "single" if they live with their loving partner? Being single means you are alone. 🤣 Damn, people get dumber day by day... You incels and femcels deserve to be more lonely.

Keepora · 2026-02-08T22:06:06+00:00

By your logic you’re single when married too. I’m not sure if you know this but you can break up and ditch your husband/wife on a moments notice too bud. Lol

3ONEthree · 2026-02-08T22:00:51+00:00

Boy/girlfriend is in essence exploitation

Kapoue · 2026-02-08T23:14:32+00:00

There's pretty much no difference between having a mortgage and two kids with a boyfriend vs having a mortgage and two kids with a husband.

I'm not sure what point you are trying to make.

abaxeron · 2026-02-08T23:48:20+00:00

They'll move in, do all of the wifely duties (cooking, cleaning, caring, sex), and commit to a man fully

This is as common as men expecting wives to do 100% of chores, work full time as primary or sole breadwinners, and still have enough libido for daily sex. Which itself is as common as terrorist attacks on skyscrapers using passenger jets. Which has happened a couple times, decades ago.

I sort-of agree with the sentiment but not with the dramatic "men are scum women have it worse" layer of plaster on top. I was told to my face that what she did wasn't really cheating because we weren't even married.

Fun-Insurance-4539 · 2026-02-08T22:35:01+00:00

I’m open to discussion but I never understood the logic preached to women that they shouldn’t do “wifely duties” for a man until they’re married. If a man truly loves you and wants to be with you he’s going to put a ring on it regardless of how much of that you do for him. If he starts taking you for granted and delaying a ring then in my head that’s just a man who is gonna take you for granted in a marriage as well.

If a woman desires marriage it’s important for her to discuss that with the man near the beginning of the relationship to see if that’s even a goal of his. Some men don’t desire marriage regardless of how they feel about a woman.

TangerineEvery8912 · 2026-02-09T03:18:09+00:00

Why would you even bother marrying someone who couldn't even stay faithful until they became legally bound to you

Trancetastic16 · 2026-02-09T06:50:26+00:00

Guess marriage-free people who have the same life partner for decades are single now, lol.

Hot_Plan_817 · 2026-02-08T22:24:05+00:00

They'll move in, do all of the wifely duties (cooking, cleaning, caring, sex), and commit to a man fully, and then wonder why he doesn't propose.

I assume they’re doing those things and hoping he will propose? That’s the price of anarchic freedom—sometimes good isn’t sufficient

half_avocado33 · 2026-02-08T22:44:12+00:00

I disagree. I wouldn't marry someone who didn't give 100% to the relationship. The same way i don't expect to be proposed if i don't give 100% to the relationship.

How else will he know we will be together in poorer and sickness.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2026-02-08T22:51:09+00:00

Seems like an excuse to do absolutely nothing and cheat at will.

growframe · 2026-02-09T00:01:14+00:00

you're free to dump your current partner at a moment's notice.

You're free to dump a spouse, and I don't want to date or marry a woman who only stays with me because of whatever nebulous threat divorce entails.

Vaudeville_Clown · 2026-02-09T12:32:18+00:00

I think women that are particularly focused on marriage should also go to mass on the regular.

After all, it's unfair for the church having to perform "churchly dutys" for someone who otherwise never bother to show up.

That aside, Most normal people don't use marriage like a honey trap. And marriage is no guarantee against breakups. There's also unmarried couples who remain together. People marrying almost like an afterthought, 12 years later is super common.

Personally, I only see marriage make sense in two instances. 1. You are religious.

You will raise a family.

I made it clear I would decline marriage until it was time for children, and that's how it went.

Not everyone will agree, but to me marriage = family. If you had only listed one item on the list of wifely duties, bearing a child to term, then I actually would've agreed with you.

John_Oakman · 2026-02-09T01:38:11+00:00

A scrap of paper backed by an uncaring government isn't going to change a person's inner character. Also explicit and well defined goals are far more vulnerable to be gamed.

Title	You're single until you're married.
Author	Adaline_B
Upvotes	0
Comments	135
Date	February 8, 2026 9:57 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1qzm6ae/youre_single_until_youre_married/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/youre-single-until-youre-married.1573044 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573044

Comments