What are your biggest fears and anxieties about the opposite sex in LTR or Marriage?

lilastr · 2020-08-01T19:29:57+00:00

Being a single mother.

You can vet your partner and live with them for a decade before having children, but there no guarantee that throughout your children's life the marriage will be happy and stable.

So you have the choice to either stay in the bad marriage, or walk away and be a single parent.

It's such a tough thing to do.

death_by_1000_cats · 2020-08-01T19:01:10+00:00

Honestly, I realized I was in love with my husband and wanted him for long haul when I stopped worrying about him cheating or leaving and started worrying about him dying.

That's my main anxiety these days - knowing that one day one of us will bury the other one and knowing, statistically, it will probably be me that outlives him. There's a quote from one of my favorite books the says "Getting married is making a plan to die." That's a sobering thought.

Workaholiconew · 2020-08-01T21:29:09+00:00

What are your biggest fears and anxieties about the opposite sex in LTR or Marriage?

My biggest fear and anxiety is having my future stolen by some woman, having only suicide as the only reasonable path to pursue in life afterwards.

I think it started when I heard that my grandpa died in a flashflood, and I saw him in his coffin. All he did was receive a divorce he couldn't pay from grandma, he had to live as a homeless/fugitive to survive... he was in the streets when flood happened. And all women in the family kept saying it was his own fault, as if it was some kind of mantra. But we all knew it was our own fault. Mine included. I too helped to get him out of the home he built.

I want to do my best to not end as him.

SingleDewd · 2020-08-02T03:27:59+00:00

I was married over 20 years. Wife stayed at home, did nothing. No cooking, no cleaning. Nothing. Started drinking, got bored. Her “friends” convinced her that she deserved better than a nice house, new car, and money to go shopping. She found a boyfriend she thought wanted her. Divorced me, took half my shit. Walked out with 250k because I bought her out of the house and alimony. Spent all her (my) money on new boyfriend and vacations she deserved. Broke within a year. Boyfriend dumped her.(Smart) She called me up 4 years ago wondering if I ever missed her(?!?) Hung up phone. Changed number. Deleted.

I will never get married again.

SaBahRub · 2020-08-01T19:30:47+00:00

That what they do will hurt or negatively affect my kids. I am free to walk away; children are not

SslimReaperr · 2020-08-01T19:18:44+00:00

My biggest fear is getting bored of my male partner.

SherbertBacon · 2020-08-01T21:18:41+00:00

For me:

growing apart or stopping the self-care
cheating, obviously. But not just her cheating, also me.
having kids and then splitting

Do you think there is a correlation between your anxieties & fears and your current mindset?

Kind of. I very much want to settle down, but I don't want it with just "anyone." I want it with someone like-minded, which means someone who is well-rounded, attractive (to me), intelligent, takes care of herself physically & mentally, ambitious, family-oriented, and good-natured/wholesome/moral. I want these shared qualities because I would be less happy than being single if she didn't have them, which would lead to a miserable relationship.

Please include what things you believe/mindset/pill/ideology too.

I just follow the actual science and research. I think pills are stupid, and since it depends on who you ask on what it means to be "red" I just distance myself from the whole thing, so... blue. Concerning marriage and LTRs: I take commitment very seriously. There's only two women I've ever wanted to commit to. The first I ended up marrying and was with for ten years (but we were young and naive) and the second unfortunately moved away, but we stay in touch. I believe once you commit that person should be your one-and-only when it comes to passion, sex, and romantic interest. Obviously that makes for quite a high bar to meet, but I know it can be met, and when it does I'm all-in.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2020-08-01T20:04:14+00:00

His insecurities overpowering everything and driving me into insanity, me feeling stagnant

Asbelowsoaboveme · 2020-08-01T19:24:08+00:00

I fear that all men will cheat, collect harems and/or fantasize about other women while wishing they could be playing the field. I fear that their love and attention is never fully reserved for their partner. I fear that male love and attraction is temporary by nature and will inevitably fade because of the Coolidge effect or because women dare to age.

Mimoxs · 2020-08-01T18:43:53+00:00

Definitely agree

Mine is male proclivity for remorseless cheating but specifically the way men do it. It wouldn't be so bad if men cheated like women did.

Women will 1) cheat on you with someone superior, 2) have an emotional connection to the person they cheat with, 3) usually are dissatisfied with the relationship, and 4) just fess up and leave you. They will often be secretive for a while, but will leave within a fairly short period of time or leave when caught.

In contrast men 1) will often cheat with women significantly uglier than their s/o, 2) cheat with no emotions towards the other woman, 3) cheat with no dissatisfaction in the relationship, just bc they can or can't control themselves, and 4) will try to maintain both relationships, makes it so much dirtier and more repulsive. And notably, more unpredictable and unexpected.

Even now in the manosphere you see the claim that "men can cheat and still love their wife!!" Disgusting.

Lacuna-Foil · 2020-08-02T00:50:06+00:00

Being viewed as a mother figure instead of a partner. It's happened to me before and it drives me up the wall.

poppy_blu · 2020-08-02T01:21:16+00:00

I have a theory that fears and anxieties shape one’s ideologies

For people of weak character, yes.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why people who are open to taking risk end up more successful and getting more out of life than people who are risk averse.

Do you think there is a correlation between your anxieties & fears and your current mindset?

Yes. I have always been a risk seeker and able to turn fear into motivation, and I've done literally everything I've wanted to do in life and then some. And that's why I'm not on Reddit every night trying to convince myself and everyone else that my misery and lonliness is the fault of men/women/"society."

skullirang · 2020-08-01T21:40:50+00:00

Getting married to a budding feminist or Karen.

Majorian420 · 2020-08-01T23:20:55+00:00

Being cheated on or getting taken advantage of financially, or having to raise another mans child.

My chosen profession has introduced me to the reality of dating and marriage in the modern day United States and I often met the worst kind of women and see terrible examples of marriage.

I seldom see good examples which leaves me very cautious towards the idea of marriage. Ill give you a hint as to my job, cheating and getting cheated on is so common, its called getting Jodied or the guy who takes care of your girl while your gone.

Ive worked too hard for where I am today from where I started at the bottom just so someone to use me to for financial security.

ex_red_black_piller · 2020-08-02T00:59:33+00:00

>Do you think there is a correlation between your anxieties & fears and your current mindset?

Probably.

>What is your list of biggest anxiety and fear regarding the opposite gender in relationships?

That I will never ever be enough. I might be useful for what I provide in terms of money or just the comfort and social status of being married to someone who is relatively harmless, but nothing more.

spacechicken1990 · 2020-08-02T12:12:13+00:00

Other women being more attractive than me, I know that's irrational as most of them likely are.

I trust my partner but it's still a wierd fear I have that I'm working on.

deadsandsushi2 · 2020-08-01T19:21:46+00:00

I don't have any fears to be honest.

rubbooyuri · 2020-08-01T20:24:58+00:00

I can take care of myself.

It’s my SO and/or kids not being happy or fulfilled I worry about

goneaway2thewind · 2020-08-01T22:10:29+00:00

Whenever I actually enter a relationship my initial thought is "Yeah I definitely would let this girl break my fucking heart if she wanted" so I never have anything to lose lol

lilastr · 2020-08-02T03:31:21+00:00

My biggest fear is that I’ll never be able to replace a certain ex and sex and relationships will be forever disappointing

I’m pretty certain sepuku is inevitable once I run out of cope

SavingsStrength0 · 2020-08-02T03:35:33+00:00

“Men’s biggest fear is being laughed at by women. Women’s biggest fear is being killed by men.” -Margaret Atwood. As the title says. It’s very true. One of my biggest fears is finding a partner that isn’t a total psycho who wont just decide to wake up one day and kill me and my kids( thankfully im childfree so I don’t have to worry about that) if I bruise his ego. I see it happen every single day. Women are killed most often by intimate partners they have a relationship with. Also rape. Would not like to get raped either by him or find intimate pictures of me being shared with friends or online (a lot of friends have had this happen to them a lot)

emeral132 · 2020-08-02T08:25:12+00:00

Domestic violence / abuse obviously the number one fear as a woman. As a result, I am really careful to look out for red flags such as aggression, coercive behaviour etc and cut things off quickly if I spot these.

thetruthishere_ · 2020-08-01T21:41:58+00:00

Avoidants and terminal illness.

My last long term terminal illness happened.

In an older dating pool there are higher chances of that and avoidants.

Sepean · 2020-08-02T08:16:40+00:00

I was afraid of sexlessness and divorce, so I became red pilled and don’t have to worry about that any longer, so that makes sense.

And bloopers are afraid of standing up for themselves and disrespecting women, so they are blue pilled. Is that how you see it working?

OXOzymandias · 2020-08-02T09:24:40+00:00

Tbh, around me LTR and marriage are pretty stable, never had so much issues over it, i just know a few stories of men and women who followed their tingles and cheated, or all of suddent changed their behavior and became abusive....i guess thats my fear

Willow-girl · 2020-08-02T14:56:41+00:00

That he will find a way to die first and stick me with all of this work!

lilastr · 2020-08-01T18:30:47+00:00

Personally I just don't want to make a commitment then watch it all fall apart. I would like to say if the right person came along, but really as of yet, I can't see what would make me want to make that sort of commitment. I'm not going to say I am not open to the idea, but would need to be someone fucking special.

Serial LTR's and STR's with the occasional ONS and plate spinning chucked in is the best route. And in this day and age when marriage is no longer needed, well why not. Got to adapt with the times, this ain't the 50's.

When your old and decrepit, unable to make it to the toilet on time, if your unfortunate to live that long. Well you can just laugh about the "good ole days" with the rest of the people in your care home or retirement home. Then you die.

dondon98 · 2020-08-01T22:16:42+00:00

A girl staying with me because I’m good enough, not what they actually want.

Also marrying someone who likes my personality but clearly isn’t attracted to me sexually. I’ve described it as “this girl wants my personality but on the man she’s actually physically attracted to”. It seems like women tend to do this because the good-looking men that they’re physically attracted to don’t want them for a long term relationship so they play it safe, which ends up backfiring.

Barely-moral · 2020-08-01T19:35:50+00:00

My biggest fear when it comes to LTRs is that hypergamy will make my partner leave for someone better just because someone better exists and they seem to be an option.

So I plan and act accordingly.

I am purple pill, leaning red and I think that my position gives me a way to act when I face those fears, but fears are not the thing that makes me decide wich position I hold. I don't allow feelings to come before (percieved) facts and experience. Even if my feelings say A, I would rather follow facts and experience when they say B.

yeezywusgood · 2020-08-01T19:03:10+00:00

A woman who does not take the commitment of marriage seriously. Marriage is for life, till death do us part. Seems like under today's culture people get married then when it gets boring they're onto another phase of their life. Especially when there's kids. My children will grow up with both parents in their lives. No excuses. Make it work.

Tbh I'm sure I'm confident that I'll be able to vet potential partners properly against this. Unless she used to have a "whore phase" she successfully hid and 5/10 years down the line she couldn't help herself but have an affair.

I find it interesting that women here are paralyzed with fear that their man may cheat. It's often the women who deep down know that they have the capacity to cheat that end up projecting that onto men.

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2020-08-01T18:20:22+00:00

I have a theory that fears and anxieties shape one’s ideologies.

I agree. And I think they should. People claim that's weakness or whatever blather, but at the end of the day no amount of therapy will change what happens when shit hits the fan in a relationship or whatever other situations life requires navigating. People who are too optimistic about the human condition and their condition end up unnecessarily piling on further challenges on top of what is already extremely challenging, and in the end, most people crumble.

_mwk · 2020-08-01T18:30:23+00:00

yup, im insecure and my ltr "strategies" in life 100% reflect that.

psypD · 2020-08-02T03:49:03+00:00

Women have cooties. Cooties are my biggest LTR anxiety.

goatismycopilot · 2020-08-02T09:04:16+00:00

I wouldn't get married again, I am incapable of adapting my life around the needs of somebody else or of making all of the compromises a healthy relationship requires. So I guess my fear is about being accomdating and not getting anything in return. I just do not anticipate meeting anybody who would inspire me to change my mind because they would have to fit exactly into my current life and like exactly the same things I do, not that my life is so fascinating and exciting other than a few things none of which a relationship would "fix" I like it as it is. I don't want to have to explain myself or alter what I do to humor somebody else.

I also don't really have any grand romantic ideals about relationships or connection or being in love.

stats135 · 2020-08-01T18:40:39+00:00

Dead bedroom.

Its worse than divorce rape. As hard as it is to admit it, I'm quite the beta. I have enough bux to live off of only half of it. And I can start looking for sex elsewhere after I'm divorced. It might not happen, but at least I have hope and can work towards it. If you're trapped in a dead bedroom you don't even have that hope, its the bottom of Pandora's Box.

Tyler_Gatsby · 2020-08-01T18:43:18+00:00

Her getting crippled or some serious medical disease or condition.

Title	What are your biggest fears and anxieties about the opposite sex in LTR or Marriage?
Author	lilastr
Upvotes	14
Comments	342
Date	August 1, 2020 6:15 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/i1wsii/what_are_your_biggest_fears_and_anxieties_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-your-biggest-fears-and-anxieties-about.722180 https://theredarchive.com/post/722180

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