I wouldn't touch that guy with a ten foot stick after he pulled this kind of shit. He agrees to pay first date if she pays for the next, she ends up being footed with a bill 4x what he paid.

ladylabrys · 2021-10-26T19:23:39+00:00

The reason she feels "uncomfortable" with men paying is because men often feel they are owed sex if they pay for dinner. If she established her boundaries and made it clear that she owes men nothing and they need to impress her, she would not feel uncomfortable with her date covering the check.

This is so hard to watch because even though she's clearly upset, she keeps dismissing it and even calls him "smart" for taking advantage of her!!! 😱😱😱

RaineTheLlama · 2021-10-26T16:45:13+00:00

I went on her TikTok and found out she still dated him for a few weeks after that but the dates turned into watching movies in each other’s houses… oh honey, no.

jingks_ · 2021-10-26T15:59:58+00:00

I feel like this is such a prime example of how women are socialized to be passive: just accept a huge bill without protest and stay silent even while being openly manipulated because otherwise you’ll seem too assertive and then you might not be as likable and you won’t get picked.

These patterns don’t form in a vacuum, y’all. This is straight-up social conditioning and it is everywhere.

QueenAlice3 · 2021-10-26T16:09:03+00:00

I was friends with a guy for years who did just this (🤡). He would literally call the waiter back to order more when he realized it was my turn to pay. They will capitalize off you any way they can ladies, and you will never get it back from them financially or in any other form of support.

FuckSakez · 2021-10-26T16:12:36+00:00

It’s not fine. He wasted her time and money and it was premeditated.

This is why FDS advocates for not being a chump and being selective with your time and energy. If he wanted to, he would.

PixiesGem · 2021-10-26T15:14:29+00:00

I am yelling at this woman while watching. I wish her dad had tik tok!

lansburysoda · 2021-10-26T16:28:40+00:00

She might as well lie down and let men walk all over her since she’s basically a doormat. Someone show this woman FDS

Ok_Occasion_5057 · 2021-10-26T17:28:01+00:00

Guilty! I was her. In fact i was worst, I split first two dates, then the third date we went to an expensive place that he chose and when the bill arrived, he looked nervous whether I would pay.

The bill was 120 and I had 100$ bill. He looks so pathetic that I gave him my 100$ bill and said no changes. He then gladly accepted it, put my money into his pocket and gladly put his card out. WtF!

He is an IT guy which in my city would earn 100k++ lives in a nice place. I wish I stopped seeing him then but I was lonely and desperate for a company. Took me a few more dates to realize he is a shitty person.

Lesson learned and hope she didn't have the third date with him.

BasieSkanks · 2021-10-26T16:26:07+00:00

\inserts Oprah "I told you so" gif"* Not splitting the bill not only weeds out the cheapos it also weeds out men who will take advantage of women. As much as society likes to make us believe otherwise, men are truly the biggest gold diggers. Trying to be fair with men and splitting down the middle will mean women will always lose because men are coming from a place of extreme advantage. It's unfortunate this woman had to learn an expensive lesson.

United_Recording_975 · 2021-10-26T15:14:45+00:00

Absolutely no shame in asking the waiter to split the bill on that second date & walking away from this cheap ass. But, really, this is what you end up with when you're "not comfortable" with men paying for you. He took her there as a test to see if she really was one of the "good ones" who wasn't just saying she liked to pay to sound good.

europoor24 · 2021-10-26T17:05:47+00:00

This kind of stuff happened to me a few times, so even in my pick me days what I started to do was not bring any money at all to fight against my passive nice girl tendencies. Some of these scrotes were so annoyed and some even accused me of lying.

*all the dates were near my place during the day but they didn't know that.

*these guys off tinder would be the ones asking me out and it would be a first date and they wouldn't want to pay if the date went badly.

GlitteryMoss · 2021-10-26T16:01:13+00:00

Good to know this happened, I will keep it in mind forever.

Cel_Gabe · 2021-10-26T15:46:28+00:00

Lol he didn't outsmart you

(DJ Khalid voice) You played yourself.

sanitizedlife · 2021-10-26T15:12:44+00:00

That’s shit!

Ok-Yogurtcloset3467 · 2021-10-26T17:11:13+00:00

I've heard a lot of stories from friends of men who have done this with them. A lot.

Every date where he pays is cheap, basic and not even filling with some other free activity taking up most of the date like a walk or visiting a museum. But when it's her time to pay, it's expensive restaurants where he orders everything he can and orders some food he's never had to try it out.

And all my friends don't allow themselves to believe he's doing it on purpose. Because they believe men are stupid and the same moral people that women are.

I keep trying to tell them you have to view them as another species who know exactly how they should behave but are lacking any morality when it comes to women and then you'll see they are always taking advantage of you.

Specific-Composer300 · 2021-10-26T17:21:53+00:00

That's why you're not a desperate pickme who offers to pay on dates. I feel sorry for her but her whole aura regarding paying is incredibly cringe and lowering the bar for all men.

saltyratqueen · 2021-10-26T15:31:03+00:00

This was hard to watch.

preppykat3 · 2021-10-26T17:55:41+00:00

Even the times that I did do the whole 50/50 thing I never “split” the bill. That’s ridiculous. It’s a fact that men order more food. I simply paid for myself and that was it. Either way, this is a prime example why you shouldn’t even offer to pay for the bill. If he doesn’t want to pay he’s trash.

Quebeks · 2021-10-26T18:54:44+00:00

Ewwwww. Everything about that made me cringe.

AlegalHuman · 2021-10-26T20:24:32+00:00

I feel sad watching this, another well-intentioned and kind female getting absolutely destroyed by a guy literally only because she is kind and well-intentioned, and he is a low value male, and she doesn’t understand how these types of men work.

A HVM wouldn’t have let her pay, period, but honestly would probably have been put off by her. Her pickmeishaism is just oozing out of her — and she felt LUCKY she didn’t have to “worry about whether a second date was happening”!?!?! Girl YOU are the prize, freaking act like it.

The asshole definitely dropped hints about the golf thing KNOWING it’s pricey. At that point he’d already written her off as someone he can use and throw out.

The worst part about this is she probably learned NOT to want guys to pay on the first date from a mixture of 1) realizing a lot of guys who do offer to pay on the first date will turn that into pressure to fuck / you owe me vibes, and 2) trying to be a feminist by asserting her own economic integrity.

I hope she finds FDS so she can unlock her true potential and happiness!!!

chickenery · 2021-10-26T20:05:21+00:00

What really gets me is like… if I was planning to trick someone like that, I would NOT be able to enjoy the date.

First of all, if I have such a low opinion of the person that I plan to trick them into losing money, why would I want to voluntarily hang out with that person for hours on end? Even if Top Golf is fun, is it really fun to be stuck with someone you clearly don’t give a shit about? To me… no.

Second, if I knew I was going to trick someone like that, I would DREAD seeing them. I would dread the date beforehand, and my anxiety would be through the roof the entire time.

All told, I might be willing to pay that amount to AVOID such an awkward, miserable situation!!

nothingt0say · 2021-10-26T19:36:51+00:00

Ugh!!!! She should not be smiling about any of this. I hope there is not 3rd date!!

AmeliaEmiliaEmma · 2021-10-26T17:15:14+00:00

One guy, first date, suggested to “split it” by him paying the bill, and me covering the tip. “Sorry, I don’t carry cash with me”, left, blocked and deleted. That’s after him blowing smoke up his butt the entire time how he is so successful. Yeah, right.

ax1zula · 2021-10-26T16:22:52+00:00

I feel for her because on one end I can understand where she's coming from. She's sweet and well articulated, that man took advantage of her. I can't imagine using someone you have little interest in to spend money like that on you. How did he not feel emasculated? These men truly hate women.

aquietsword · 2021-10-26T23:55:44+00:00

Without FAIL women seem to want to split or cover the bill because they would "feel more comfortable." Paying for their fucking safety. And men do it as some sort of "green light" to cross sexual boundaries. These creeps need to come with a warning label.

extraodi · 2021-10-26T16:58:56+00:00

At that point I would keep it real and say this second date is a bit out of my budget (even if it wasn’t)… I can pay for the food, and drinks. However as it was your idea to come here you can pay for the time it cost to hangout here. Thanks.

2021-10-26T21:21:42+00:00

[permanently deleted]

localgirlcult · 2021-10-27T00:01:46+00:00

This is so sad. "He outsmarted me". What is the point of dating if the freak treats it like some kind of war? What are you two, like...having a stand off? Embarrassing, sad, waste of time. "It's fine." It's not fine. She passively accepted his manipulative, stingy, weird game and then rewarded it by going on a few more dates. Or like "dates". Because as people here pointed out...they were watching movies at each others houses. She's lucky he didn't ask her to pay a portion of his electricity bill. She seems to have some inkling as to how fucked up this particular situation was and how fucked up her whole dynamic with men is but she's still not completely there.

NotSoSmartChick · 2021-10-27T00:16:20+00:00

I just can’t. If a man so much as says “I'll get it this time”, I’m out. I don’t pay for dates, period, and a man saying that tells me he believes in taking turns or going Dutch. Just no.

thewetdog_ · 2021-10-26T16:51:00+00:00

An older man I hadn’t even dated but knew *through work offered to pay a 4k higher education course for me once. I absolutely took him up on his offer and was just extra nice to him going forward. Id text to check in - when I changed jobs, when pandemic began, when wild protesting was going on in the US summer of 2020. Never beyond a friendly acquaintance.

dancinqqq · 2021-10-27T02:56:37+00:00

I wanna just know who is conditioning these women to feel bad about letting a guy pay? My mother always raised me to offer because its polite, but the man should ALWAYS pay, and if they don’t, toss them.

I ONLY pay to show appreciation if they spent alot on me. I never pay because I’m “uncomfortable” or “feel like I’m in debt” to him.

I never felt bad about a guy paying because i don’t want my daughter to feel bad for being treated with chivalry, so i root out men who aren’t willing to do that. My father wasn’t in my life so, i plan on ending the cycle with a good man who will show my future children how they should act/be treated.

the 50/50 is such bullshit to me.

leekykeeks · 2021-10-27T01:00:32+00:00

Throughout this whole thing, she really didn't put 2 and 2 together. Women want to pay out of fear of what? Why?

Believe me, she'll either be a forever girlfriend growing to resent the man after 6 years and no ring or she'll definitely get married to a man who is going to own her and I really mean OWN her. Hope she wakes up soon. Her youth is being wasted on scrotes.

angelsofadversity · 2021-10-27T01:59:36+00:00

I love this subreddit. This actually came up in my fyp a couple days ago and I had to stop watching it because of the pickmeisha garbage she spits out in the beginning.

"Ha ha ha... 🤪 I just love paying for dates. I'm so cool 😌"

GodILoveTheEnglish · 2021-10-26T23:21:38+00:00

The cringe that enveloped my body as she kept telling her story…. Whew. The disrespect

Big-Paleontologist13 · 2021-10-26T23:28:48+00:00

lordy i hope she finds FDS soon. meek & mild mouse girl trying to keep a man happy who is happy to walk all over her & use her. she needs to stop dating.

HolaHulaHola · 2021-10-26T19:28:27+00:00

I agree. She got scammed by this dude. I hope she kicked him to the curb and put his information and behavior out there so that another woman doesn't get scammed by this POS.

shedipity · 2021-10-26T23:26:23+00:00

Even if the date isn’t going well, if he offers to pay before you leave, let him!! She continued to date this guy after this so idk why she even made the tiktok.

esthermaniii · 2021-10-27T21:29:22+00:00

She needs to get rid of that “feeling bad for guys paying for dates”

Men don’t feel bad when they ask for sex when they don’t even know you.

Make them pay!

Elnoxis · 2021-10-26T22:08:56+00:00

When I was dating, I would do this as well because the guy I was seeing pays 80% of the time. He insisted on paying because he was the one who picked the place and planned the date. He's got a taste for expensive restaurants so I let him be. But when it was my turn to treat him, I chose the activities and the places which I know I could afford to avoid this kind of situations.

But then again my dude wasn't like the guy she dated. Not once did he make me uncomfortable about splitting the bill etc. Even when we were just doing netflix and chill, he'd order food for us from a proper restaurant. Also, he was like this from the get go. After him, I can never go back to dating guys that go Dutch all the time.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2021-10-28T18:04:54+00:00

I feel like that whole scenario is a pretty good indicator of a personality disorder. You know he totally had “Duper’s Delight” over fucking her over on the bill. Very narcissistic actions…

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2021-10-28T07:05:02+00:00

Going Dutch doesn’t work.

It’ll lead to shit like this and poor relationship outcomes.

If the goal is disappointment, go for it.

Otherwise, don’t

Comments