Weekly FDS Check-in

lilac-hiraeth · 2021-09-28T13:34:09+00:00

I straight up shut down my art collaboration with the guy who is interested in me romantically. He kept trying to derail the work, kept showing up unannounced to “help” and he wanted daily off topic conversation.

I didn’t have time or energy for any of that. I told him to find another illustrator, to not come by anymore and blocked him everywhere. Not worth it at all. I can draw for fun on my own.

DarbyGirl · 2021-09-28T14:50:41+00:00

My house purchase is a lock! All the inspections were good (or at least what I expected) and I have a great mortgage offer! I am gonna be lvm free by Nov 1 :) Just have to survive the next month.

Sweetheartsorrow · 2021-09-28T13:58:51+00:00

I’ve been single for a while now and I’ve had 3 of my seriously narcy ex’s hit me up and I ignored and blocked every single one of them, where as in the past I’d be forgiving and welcoming with open, pathetic arms. Kinda super proud of myself.

bonghits4jess · 2021-09-28T18:09:46+00:00

I cut off all the men I’ve ever dated. I cleaned out my contact list and my friends list on all my social media, forced some of these other men to unfollow me, and blocked the ones who hit me up every now and then.

I’m supposed to feel relieved and happy, but I just feel lonely and sad. Especially cutting off the one guy who I was very compatible with personality-wise but he wasn’t putting in enough effort to text/call me regularly. I realized I deserve more effort and I honestly made a mistake thinking we could be FWB since I really don’t want to get involved in something serious. However, I’ve come to realize I simply cannot do casual and fall for every man that’s nice to me and makes me orgasm, so I need to just get away from this dude and all other men.

chocolatechipbiscuit · 2021-09-28T15:37:54+00:00

3 days (almost) no contact. Finding it hard but I’m super determined to allow myself the space to heal.

I’m also waiting on a call back to determine whether I’ve got my dream job, at the age of freakin’ 23!!!

SnooMuffins2468 · 2021-09-28T20:08:20+00:00

I mustered up enough courage to call a friend out on all his negging and flirty behaviour. He apologized but did it again. So, when I withdrew, he asked if he had offended me and I gave him a piece of my mind. Instead of apologizing, he accused me of blowing it out of proportion and became really defensive. So, I cut him out. It's important because for the first time, instead of avoiding the person, I respected my boundaries and stood up for myself.

AceTabby00 · 2021-09-28T18:46:23+00:00

Does anyone have any tips for keeping my place clean?

After work I'm drained and exhausted, so I put cleaning off for the weekend. When the weekend rolls around, I want to relax or socialize so I end up not cleaning. 😬 It piles up to the point of being overwhelming.

Help?

Edit: I DO keep up with dishes (I wash them as I go) and laundry (every weekend routine).

FDS-GFY · 2021-09-29T15:57:01+00:00

I got myself all dolled up to go to a fancy party with rich people. I was one of the very few single women there and it was wonderful!

It felt so good to be among the living and looking pretty. I wasn’t on the hunt. I arrived with no expectations and came away with several invitations for fun things to do.

Felt good to make new friends!

undertheunderbelly · 2021-09-28T16:52:16+00:00

I lost another buyer for my home showing - but this time it's not due to my shitty neighborhood but due to the facts that this dumbass hasn't got his money or his shit together. How the hell did he put in 7 offers on 7 different houses and never realized that there were closing costs associated with buying a house?!

I'm so frustrated because I'm trying to move out of state and even offered to provide 700$ towards his closing costs (he has $8000) and STILL he had to back out because he couldn't freaking find enough spare cash. How the hell did he think he was going to buy a damn house?!

So I'm now over 11 days on the market and it reflects so poorly on my property and I'm frustrated as all get out because I want to leave in a month and escrow alone takes a month.

So damn frustrated with things at the moment.

ello-motto · 2021-09-28T20:56:48+00:00

Omfg. I just went on RPW, a community I totally forgot existed, and wanted to barf from the advice they're peddling women over there. Apparently, September Back-To-Basics advice is for women to learn to STFU!

Yes, apparently the way to deal with an angry husband is to just stay silent when he is venting after a long day at work. 🙄 But wow, let's not expect the husband to have his own emotional regulation or empathy for his wife huh?

Other top posts were "Ladies life is so much better when you lose weight!" "This TikTok influencer is single because she needs to learn to be more soft." and how being like a dog to a man is the best way to be in a relationship. 🙄

So glad FDS exists and doesn't pander to misogynistic enabling BS that lets LVM thrive and populate the earth.

chocolatechipbiscuit · 2021-09-29T17:14:29+00:00

Coming back to update: I got the job!!!!!!!

Aloe_You_Vera_Much · 2021-09-29T23:30:09+00:00

A man I’ve gone on a few dates with randomly didn’t text me for a few days, when previously we’ve sent a text about every day (I hate text conversations so I don’t engage, but I do prefer like a once a day “how are you?”).

Previous me would have gotten upset and felt bad about myself and would have double texted him.

Now me, took that as a sign to pull back and I decided to busy myself by planning a super fun brunch and museum date with a new friend ☺️

therealbananas · 2021-09-29T17:05:33+00:00

Ladies I am just so physically sick when I hear the details today about what that animal did to Sarah Everard. I just can’t…I don’t want to believe that evil like that exists in the world but it clearly does. It has shaken me to my core. And Sabina Nessa - It must be a waking nightmare for her family which I cannot possible fathom. And yet this process is repeated again and again and again, with women whose faces and stories we will never know. I am just so sad and absolutely beside myself with anger.

The reason I specifically raise it is because the evil man was apparently obsessed with “brutal pornography” and it was deemed “not relevant” - excuse me. I have never been so afraid of the affect of modern porn until now - any man who gets off on content that portrays the abuse of women is not a man to ever trust, should not be a member of society and should be thoroughly ashamed. But they never will be. Sorry just a little vent - I am heartily sickened.

denimbastard · 2021-09-29T10:11:29+00:00

My new daily FDS practice is scrolling through THOSE other subs and red flagging all the horrendous relationships people are seriously tolerating. "My bf is offering me money to perform a sex act I was forced to do as a child"..."my husband says he wants other women but I am his favourite"..."my husband pulled my hair when I didn't make his tea right"...

NotYourCirce · 2021-09-30T18:11:15+00:00

I broke up with my last NV ex at the start of the pandemic and I’ve been single ever since. I realized recently that I don’t feel lonely and that’s a huge win for me. In the past I would have felt like something is missing

Edit to add: I’m so thankful for this space! It’s a big part of how I’ve leveled up the last few years

ello-motto · 2021-09-29T10:04:24+00:00

In case any mods see this, I spotted a post by a RPW in FemaleLevelUpStrategy.

It's weird because they use the terms HVM/HVW, but to them, it means completely different things. A RPW HVM would be a LVM in FDS terms. Their standard of being a "HVW" also has a lot of pick-me energy in it. Just wanted to flag this in case it happens again.

Xenobia95 · 2021-09-29T08:35:13+00:00

I'm looking for self defence classes to make me fitter and stronger, I cleaned my wardrobe by that I mean got rid of things that don't fit, I lost 3 stone and I cling to comfortable old baggy clothes rather than take risks by buying new things that fit properly. I am aiming for another 3 stone for Xmas as a gift to myself.

Hateorade_ · 2021-09-30T04:19:40+00:00

It’s been one month since I deleted the Instagram app off my phone and I feel amazing 🎉 it’s also been a few days without thinking of my ex LVM. I’m also celebrating my 24th birthday with my mom on Friday! We’re watching Wicked on Broadway and will be enjoying an amazing Italian dinner. I’ve also wanted to try a crazy donut so it will definitely be done too haha. I bought a new dress and earrings so I will be wearing it ❤️❤️ really excited since it’s going to be the most memorable birthday.

driftinglochawe · 2021-09-28T19:50:06+00:00

Looking for a bit of advice please.

About a year ago, mere weeks before I discovered FDS, I went to a close friend's housewarming as she was moving in with her SO. I was then introduced to SO's friend circle and one dude caught my eye. We got along fairly well and I then asked him out (OH YES, I want to hurl my past self into the sun!). We messaged for a few weeks but it fizzled out and my friend later said the dude mentioned that we lived too far apart or whatever to make it work.

A year later, friend and SO are getting married and I've been asked to be a bridesmaid! However I suspect that the dude may be a groomsman but at the very least will attend the engagement party next month and the wedding next year.

I now have zero interest in this guy but I'm unsure on how to conduct myself. I want to be civil for the sake of my friend and also maintain my dignity.

Anyone seen "The Wedding Date"? That's maybe a bit too far....

undertheunderbelly · 2021-09-30T03:32:21+00:00

Sorry this is a long one. But my realtor was a narcissist, gas lighting MF.

I found my realtor's information on upnest.com which basically provides a list of realtors that have low commission rates. They were the top earning realtors with excellent reviews and so I went with my realtor to sell my home in a really hot market. One of the first things that was a red flag was the fact that he did not want to abide by his own advertised rate of 4.15%. He stated that he didn't want to go lower than 4.5% in a person to person meet up. When I stated I would have rather gone with a friend if I knew he was going to go at 4.5%, he asked me what would make me sign the contract then. I responded that following his own advertised rates would make me do that. He agreed and I signed. (Red flag 1)

I later come to find that he is pocketing 2.5% as a seller agent and only giving the buyer agent 1.75%. (red flag 2) this was unknown to me as I had never received a copy of the listing agreement, I had only signed it with the 4.25% on top. Later I would find out that he had written in 1.75% without my approval or signature. (Red flag 3)

So the actual contract was never legitimate. I hadn't received it until I asked for it 3 weeks later. (Red flag 4)

The next thing that kind of rubbed me the wrong way was that all information and contact was through the assistant. To be fair he had a death in the family, but something didn't feel right.

So when I questioned regarding the 1.75% they started acting extremely shady. Then when I requested to be let off the contract, they agreed initially after a bunch of sob stories about his grief and timing. (Red flag 5) They stated they need 24 to 48 hours to discuss and cancel with the broker. But later on that same day he suddenly presented two offers and called me stating that I had no reason to be upset (red flag 6) and that if I canceled now it was a breach of contract despite saying that he would let me off the contract earlier that morning.

I declined both offers stating that I wanted to transition into a new realtor. He would not uphold his agreement to cancel nor would he stop talking. He stated that I was ridiculous, needed to reimburse him for the photography which was $475. I messaged the photographers and found that it was only $119. He told me he never lied but there were multiple instances and examples of his lies.

I finally started responding angrily, stating to not threaten me with a contract that was never viable due to me not ever receiving a copy after, that while I'm sorry that he had a death in the family in the end of the day this was a real estate transaction and I was not happy with him or the way he was doing things.

He stated that he could sell hundred houses without getting my commission and then backed up with that going back to why I shouldn't be angry and just move forward with the offers.

I just told him to give me the cancellation papers and hung up.

I feel like I was in a bad LVM relationship with my realtor. Jfc. I'm glad I didn't back down and was aware of some of those narcissist responses

mareetran · 2021-09-28T14:58:40+00:00

A guy I’m seeing said he follows Instagram models only because he’s been following them for years + is just interested in their lives now. But I’m the only woman he’s interested in apparently??? Like huh??? Lmfaooooo he unfollowed like half of them and still follows another half. Am I just insecure?

Edit 1: He does follow some male models I suppose since he’s into working out, but the female ig models he follows are wearing nearly nothing/most of the pics border on soft porn (not shaming the women, but it feels different)… I don’t know what to say though since he’s using the male models he follows as an excuse to say he is just “inspired” by these people.

Edit 2: I sent him screenshots of the women he follows who border on soft porn asking him how am I supposed to think he’s just interested in their lives. his response was, “they just seem like nice girls.” LMFAOOOOOOOO

justanothergirl4278 · 2021-09-28T20:58:34+00:00

Not worth it's own post but wanted to share some hilarious LVM behavior.

Matched with a guy on a dating app. He seemed like a decent guy, was very flirty and (I know I f*cked up here) I was pretty direct and said something along the lines of 'maybe you should ask me out already' and this man said 'I'm over dating"

LOL. You're on a DATING APP. Literally wanted a hooker/one night stand. Couldn't even offer a LVM date like a drink or 'to hang out.'

Point Is: I know maybe it isn't very FDS-y to be direct and suggest a guy asks you out (I was getting tired of the flirty comments with no follow through), but I'm glad I didn't waste any time talking to this man. Huge time wasters with OLD.

If they AREN'T asking you out, whether it's in real life or OLD, it's because they aren't that into you and just want a HOOKUP.

Stay vigilant 👑

intergalacticanon44 · 2021-10-01T01:53:27+00:00

Just stumbled upon a post of a man that handmade his wife’s wedding ring from gold and sapphire that he’d found in her hometown and it took him 2 years to make, brb gonna find me a hvm geologist 😭

seadragon6 · 2021-09-28T19:25:12+00:00

I hate to ask for advice as I know many of the responses I'll receive, but I did want input from you Queens!

I went on a nice date recently. He asked me out after we matched and talked on Hinge (I'm extremely selective about OLD and leave it running in the background until someone viable comes along). He asked me for my number after he arranged a date with me, which I politely ignored as I didn't want to hand out my number before meeting him in person. As should be expected, he made reservations at a beautiful restaurant with ample outdoor seating (re: Covid). It was a great conversation, but with my new mindset, I didn't act overly excited but instead asked important questions for long-term compatibility and answered his questions about my passions in life, etc.

He hasn't reached out to me since on the app, and I don't feel like I should need to give him my number. Is this following FDS? I was initially anxious and falling back into pickme thinking of "maybe I didn't show enough interest" as my responses over Hinge can take a day or two (I keep busy) and I coolly ended the date. I think if he were interested, he would reach out over Hinge and schedule a different date. What do y'all think?

miwamus · 2021-09-28T15:06:11+00:00

Can we put a cap on the Male Depravity? I am not here to hate men. I am here for help on how to date men and how to live a great life as a single woman.

her-vagesty · 2021-09-28T23:04:26+00:00

I went on a first date last night. He had asked me my favourite Restaurant in conversation and when I told him he made the date. He was very pleasant company (but a bit quiet, sometimes I found it hard to hear him) and it was a nice date but I didn't feel a spark and he respectfully hugged me goodbye after, so maybe he didn't feel one either? A question for more experienced FDSers/people who form healthy attachments and relationships - Am I mistaking the "spark" or that "click" for some level of toxicity, like are you meant to feel it on a first date with someone normal who isn't overtly flirting with you?

redpeithos · 2021-10-02T16:01:29+00:00

This man on OLD admitted to scrolling through at least 50 search results to find me on LinkedIn. I get that I should have done more to protect myself and use a pseudonym, I just feel really upset that I can't even be myself because of male depravity. I'm so tired and sad. I don't want to deal with men on OLD anymore. I don't care what they said on the podcast about how easy it is to find dates on OLD.

sikulet · 2021-10-03T02:05:51+00:00

A dude I was seeing since June confessed he liked me . Then went distant. Turns out he is going out with another girl because I was too far. And he is lonely so it can’t be helped.

I kinda wish I didn’t prepare a birthday present for him two weeks before I learned this.

yoonbunny · 2021-10-03T13:12:18+00:00

I really want to vent about a problem and get advice but feel too nervous posting as I know some friends follow this thread and want some anonymity. Is there anyone who’d be willing to accept a chat request or dm? I need some wisdom 😭

90860008 · 2021-09-28T23:49:57+00:00

I went on a second date with a guy I posted about here. I noticed he’s a bit less consistent w the texting, mind you I have been very busy and he knows that. The date went well but I have noticed some things. He follows a lot of girls on insta, not models just regular girls, he does seem to make his job a bit more important than it is, and he kind of slouched in his seat during the date so that my leg touched his (I just moved my leg away). Not sure if I should continue BC he’s generally been nice but I’m also moving out of state in a few months

Bbqchilifries · 2021-09-29T09:38:26+00:00

Ex boyfriend of 7 years calls me this morning to complain about being suicidal and depressed.

We've been broken up 6 months since he told he's been sleeping and in a quasi relationship with his coworker who is 7 years younger while we were separated by COVID border lockdown for 12 months. Obviously that was the end.

Oh no it got better.

He now started sleeping with dudes too. Says he can't turn off his sexual deviant thoughts (read porn limp dick?) He also convinced this poor severe PTSD pick-me to have threesomes as well.

All because everyone told him he belongs with me and should fight to get me back. His parents his best friend his roommate..blah blah.

Maybe if he indulged as much as he could he'd get rid of his poly urges. Or maybe he should just get chemical castration. He doesn't think he will ever feel as happy as he did those seven years he was with me. That the pandemic broke us.

I'm like shit, I'm not gonna touch that dick with a ten foot, dude.

And indulging in as much crap as you can just makes the neural connections connecting those things to sex even deeper. You weren't thinking about us at all, you gross fuck. You broke us. Your choices did.

He was crying at the end saying he didn't think this would be the phone call that made him accept we're over. I'm depressed now. When I met him he was a serial super serious monogamous to the point he sought revenge on his ex for cheating on him.

CountingDownTheDays5 · 2021-09-29T13:25:46+00:00

I am tired of people making everything about Gabby. From the post here talking about how gabby teaches us this, to the post that Gabby cases opens our eyes to this. Nobody deserves to lose their life in that way. But it is extremely ignorant to try to coin Gabby's ordeal as the holy bible of lessons. FDS wouldn't exist if we didn't already know men are trash, FDS wouldn't exist if we didn't know that for long women have been put in danger via men, that sometimes abuser are stayed with, that police miss the signs, that women are sometimes killed before they are found.

I also want to say, I am so disappointed that women of color are being ignored and have always been ignored when it comes to abduction. In the Bronx (since 2017) there is a ordeal going on where teen girls of color are going missing. Philadelphia was having the same issue. How much news coverage did these girls get? How many people said we missed the signs?

I want to lastly say Gabby's dad basically saying to care about all missing people equally is so very eye opening, and shines a mirror on the missing white woman syndrome. Why aren't women of color who went missing in that same place as worthy as as much outcry and outreach?

lifesok · 2021-09-29T03:54:22+00:00

Has anyone played the game, We’re Not Really Strangers? I played it recently on a date and it went so well. It was a lot of fun and helped us both come out of our shells. I highly recommend it.

lightcobaltblue · 2021-10-01T21:26:34+00:00

Anyone here tried to find girlfriends over bumble? I'm very isolated and think about how to find friends.

oddcharm · 2021-10-02T15:54:03+00:00

last night my cousins came over, one being a man. He mentioned a girl he asked out once was in the area and asked if she could come- sure whatever no problem. He really got her to go on an alcohol run to buy us more booze! I was shocked that she actually did it AND brought extra. It’s crazy out here. And yes I told him he was an asshole- he doesn’t even like her.

PixiesGem · 2021-10-03T16:25:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

warinmymind94 · 2021-10-05T09:15:16+00:00

Joe Rogan is a huge red flag right? What is he about just a red piller? His name was mentioned and I definitely could have sworn i saw that name here as a red flag list. I am prepared to block and delete.

thethirdflowrisgreen · 2021-09-28T22:12:08+00:00

I just found this place and am really thrilled there are other women out there who share some the perspectives I’ve developed.

I’m in my 30s, going through a divorce, and realized I’ve never really had good experiences with men. No man has ever really wanted to be my friend, just get in my pants. I’ve been used and manipulated and discarded. I could fill up a whole post with my personal “me too” moments, getting touched inappropriately by friends, strangers, teachers. I’ve also come to realize that I’m a heavy fawn-er and have very low self esteem.

I just feel very done with men right now and just want to be a strong, independent woman. I’m in my 30s and know I have a lot of time to heal and build boundaries and stuff, but right now, men…🤢🤮

Also, I just wanna vent a wee moment - what is with the term “hate fuck”??? I keep seeing it, absolutely terrible! No woman would ever…do that. Omg.

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-10-03T21:57:07+00:00

I just started a month-long trip. I'm hoping it will refresh and recharge me.

gingerandlime · 2021-10-04T19:11:02+00:00

Sigh. I think I need to take a break from dating. It seems like all that’s been coming at me in the past month has been disrespect— either unvaccinated or gun owners or just incredibly low effort. I don’t feel like I’m “allowing” it as such, but I must be allowing it on some level if it’s coming into my life, and the more it happens the more I feel like I’m somehow obligated to entertain it because otherwise I’m not dating at all. Ugh.

ConfusedPanda17 · 2021-10-05T10:48:56+00:00

Things in ny relationship are going really great so far and I'm thankful to FDS for helping me pick up skills on how to vet men for dating. It's been nearly 4 months and of course I'm still vetting, but he loves to spend time with me, brings me surprise treats and gifts every week, comes over and does my dishes immediately if I'm occupied with something and is constantly complimenting me. On Sunday I had a panic attack mid us making out, I'm not sure why really but I went and cried in the the bathroom because I was embarrassed. He gave me space but waited outside until I said he could come in, comforted me and just held me for the rest of the evening. It's such a stark difference to my ex who would have sighed, rolled his eyes and refused to leave his video games to comfort me if I was upset.

Title	Weekly FDS Check-in
Author	Unlikely-Marzipan
Upvotes	69
Comments	142
Date	September 28, 2021 12:56 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/px5swj/weekly_fds_checkin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-check-in.1073782 https://theredarchive.com/post/1073782

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