What do you think about seemingly HVM doing psychedelic drugs occasionally?

Nifteroni-and-Cheese · 2022-03-28T19:57:52+00:00

So, some of these are legal in some places, and I generally classify legal drugs like weed (depending on location) in the same group as alcohol. I’m not going to judge someone in Colorado who smokes a little on weekends any more than I would judge someone who drinks a little on weekends. But I will judge someone who smokes all the time, spends a lot of their money on weed, and ignores their responsibilities to get high just as harshly as I would judge someone who drinks all the time, spends a lot of money at the liquor store, and ignores their responsibilities to get drunk.

As for things that aren’t legal, nah fam. Even if I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the drug, they’re risking their livelihood and freedom every time they use it, and that sort of risk just isn’t one I want to be tied to long term. Dependability is important, and if there’s a chance he’s going to go to jail or loose his job for something stupid, he can take that chance without his finances and reputation tied to mine.

But also, it’s reasonable not to want to date someone who drinks if you don’t drink, and similarly it’s reasonable to make abstinence from any (even legal) substance one of your standards. Set the bar as high as you want, and don’t feel bad about it for one second.

ububTkuc · 2022-03-28T18:49:03+00:00

Basically. If it's a problem for you, then its a problem. Perod.

Carneliancat · 2022-03-28T15:38:16+00:00

People seem to forget that alcohol is also a drug, and is a highly addictive substance that also ruins lives. A person using soft drugs such as weed on occasion would not be a red flag to me, no more than their having a drink on occasion would be. Hard drugs are a different story, though. Sure, some can be used responsibly in certain contexts, but do I really want to be with a man who wants to do party drugs like cocaine and ecstasy past the age of 30? No, I do not.

23eggz · 2022-03-28T18:03:47+00:00

Its a no for me. I dont use drugs or drink and I want the same in any life partner I have. Same goes for smoking and vaping

BlueSkiesOverLondon · 2022-03-28T16:11:24+00:00

Glad you’re listening to your instincts! If this bothers you, don’t settle—it’s a huge aspect of lifestyle and personality.

I’m a radical teetotaler (no drugs/alcohol at all) and I found a HVM who was similarly minded. They exist!

thepsychopathhunter · 2022-03-28T14:52:48+00:00

My personal preference after some experience with men who smoke weed is that many men do not smoke it once in a while but make it their whole identity. Like other commenters suggested, their effort and personality after chronic use becomes dull and lifeless. And they hide it with the idea that they’re just “chill.” Ironically those same LVM were the most rageful aggressive people I’ve ever met. So do ask yourself why and how they’re smoking it because some of them are just trying to mask narcissistic/antisocial tendencies by using drugs — in reality it’s just another way for them to take away responsibility for their actions and it ends up worsening their behavior. I no longer date men who say they smoke weed. Outside of dating I don’t have a strong stance against people using certain drugs once in a while or having experimented especially since as another commentator added there is scientific evidence to suggest certain medical benefits for some disorders or ailments but I do think it can be a factor in vetting when it comes to dating for sure. Especially if they’re a chronic user which some will not admit to.

I also think men who are chronic users of weed are not compatible with any woman who considers herself highly motivated, driven and successful. It’s just not going to align well.

IndividualRoutine661 · 2022-03-28T17:26:32+00:00

Lots of people do drugs in college but show me a man still smoking dope 30+ and I’ll show you a man lacking in motivation with nothing of interest to say. I am from a background that I have such men in my family and wider social circle. You’ll want to go out and do stuff, he’ll want to stay home, game and talk shit and eat crap food. It is not a trait of a HV man.

ultblue7 · 2022-03-28T14:14:07+00:00

I had an ex who did both and tried to convince me to try even though I firmly said no. Now I realize these drugs meant he was largely dissociating and not able to handle his emotions or communicate. He had some trauma in the past as well. I don’t hold it against him because people deal with the hard stuff in life differently and I myself have struggled with depression. However, I believe these are childish methods of escape compared to the hard work everyone needs to do to keep themselves physically and mentally healthy. He could have afforded therapy but chose instead to suspend his consciousness with these tools and that just makes things worse, in my opinion. I also agree with others on here that I refuse to be involved in illegal drugs and he was definitely exercising a certain amount if privilege in his ability to use without much criticism. He was white and I am a WOC with immigrant family who could be deported for even being around that sort of thing.

Lastly, I work with alot of doctors who have told me in no uncertain terms that these drugs (yes, even weed) have affects on the brain not completely understood yet by science. I have spent alot of time building my career and my intellect. Therefore, I refuse to be around these substances for the sake of my own health based on what I know.

makeawomancum · 2022-03-28T07:38:18+00:00

I think as long as it is in moderation and done safely, weed and lsd are not that bad. It’s not a physically addictive drug like crack, meth, cocaine, or heroin - which I am highly against due to the irreversible brain damage & severe harm it does to people’s lives. The problem would be if they have a mental addiction to psychedelics. I’ve experimented with lsd and weed, I’m still put together well and productive. I don’t let it interfere with daily life or my responsibilities. Weed has helped me relax and lsd has opened my mind to many things I didn’t see before.

However, you have every right to not feel comfortable with it. You’re allowed to have that boundary. Just because I’m open to it doesn’t mean you need to be. 💜 I have not tried dmt, so I cannot answer about that. I know it’s far more extreme of a psychedelic than weed or lsd, so I would be more wary of that.

There are definitely both HV and LV people who try these substances.

Some of the kindest, most successful people I know do weed and lsd recreationally. Also some of the worst people I know do it. So I think it truly comes down to who they are as a person. Not all drugs are the same and there’s a reason why lsd and weed are psychedelics and hard drugs like meth or heroin are in an entirely different category.

Reminder though, not all of us are the same in what we want in a partner and we should not feel ashamed to have unique standards or preferences sisters.

LittleWinn · 2022-03-28T11:22:21+00:00

I don’t tolerate drug use in my life, hard rule. So no.

HighPriestess31 · 2022-03-28T17:55:13+00:00

I think there have been some good comments here, especially surrounding weed--like anything, I think it's okay in moderation, but not if someone makes it their entire personality or uses it as an excuse to be lazy.

For me, psychedelic use (mainly psilocybin) has been an effective tool for personal growth in terms of my spirituality and overcoming depression. Scientists have begun to look into the use of psilocybin as a medical treatment, and this area of research shows promise. People like Terrence McKenna, Aldous Huxley, Timothy Leary, Carl Sagan, etc. are all highly intelligent and successful people who have used psychedelics without negative effects. They can truly open your mind to new dimensions of life you may not think possible.

That being said, again, it depends on the frequency and intent of use. If someone is just using them for a good time or to escape their reality, that is not healthy. And if someone can't go a day without their fix, that's also a red flag (though marijuana/psychedelics are not physically addictive, they can be habit-forming and create an emotional dependency).

Personally I think alcohol is MUCH more harmful than any of the above substances. It is literally toxic to the human body. Substances like DMT, for example, are produced naturally by the human brain, and are thought to explain some of the "spiritual" and "out-of-body" experiences people experience near death (see DMT: The Spirit Molecule by Richard Strassman, M.D.).

asoww · 2022-03-28T14:22:41+00:00

That's a no from me.

softensonic · 2022-03-28T09:16:05+00:00

May be OK if you're young (20-25), but in my experience, people doing drugs past this phase are unstable and live alternative lifestyles that are not compatible with my goals or lifestyle.

warinmymind94 · 2022-03-28T23:39:37+00:00

It's a NO for me - doesn't matter if he spews some woke bs trying to justify it. Does not line up with my lifestyle.

These things are illegal where I live and many of the career good paying jobs regularly drug trust and any of these would get you fired.

The men that I know that do these things tend to be low value, broke, and very lazy and are at a level of using where it is like an addiction.

asocialsocialite · 2022-03-28T11:31:57+00:00

Why are we throwing the 'HV' label on any random man?

KindOfOldNewGirl · 2022-03-28T15:50:16+00:00

I'm on a 6 figure income (work in tech) and am prescribed 2g of medicinal cannabis flower daily. You can absolutely do weed and be high functioning.

thowawaywookie · 2022-03-28T10:42:30+00:00

I'll ask. What is it that makes you think he is HV?

lybid8 · 2022-03-28T07:58:16+00:00

I think it’s fine in moderation. Research shows that mushrooms and mdma can have long lasting positive effects on the brain. For example, you can microdose on mushrooms instead of taking antidepressants and the effects are more permanent.

I myself have had positive life changing experiences with the aforementioned drugs and see them more as a medicine.

hensbanex · 2022-03-28T13:24:05+00:00

I use psychedelics in my religious practices, once every few years as a spiritual undertaking. I don’t think the substance itself is a problem but how it’s used. casual psychedelic use says to me that the person doesn’t really understand what they are doing.

relationship_reddit · 2022-03-28T13:43:01+00:00

It's just not my thing. I don't have experience with other drugs, but having smoked weed and been around potheads as a teenager, it is just not a culture I want to be part of as a grown woman. Maybe I could be convinced to try it once again with a partner, just to say we've tried it together, but I'm not even sure if I'd want to do that.

FineDeliciousSnakes · 2022-03-29T13:35:15+00:00

Regarding LSD and mushroom psychedelics, I’ve done both quite a number of times. (Weed is a psychedelic the same as kombucha is an alcoholic drink. barely)

Psychedelics are not inherently bad. In fact I firmly believe they can be extremely beneficial and for many people they’ve been the solution to overcoming trauma and self-realizing.

Psychedelics make your mind function in a way that makes the unconscious conscious. It reveals the thoughts and patterns you don’t ignore on purpose, but have never been able to really inspect

They can help you break through trauma and PTSD, as it did with me. Seriously. It was like years of therapy in a few hours.

But just like any substance, it can be abused, and just like some people have access to the entirety of human knowledge through the internet yet refuse to research and learn on their own, someone can take LSD hundreds of times and never have an ego death.

It is through LSD that I quit smoking (instantly like a light switch), became comfortable with myself and my mortality and my decisions and entire life.

lolmemberberries · 2022-03-28T23:01:41+00:00

My worst relationship was with a person who was "straight edge" and acted as if abstaining from alcohol and drugs made him a morally superior person. He was also a narcissistic porn addict.

That being said, I occasionally smoke weed. I also live in a state where recreational use is legal, so I vet marijuana use in a manner that is comparable to drinking alcohol.

From experience, I no longer tell men that I smoke. There are men who will use this as a way to erode your boundaries in the same way they do with alcohol, or to try a twist on Netflix and chill by inviting you to come over to smoke as a quick hookup.

Anyone who makes any substance use their entire personality is a giant turnoff to me. Whether that be drinking beer, smoking weed or experimenting with LSD and DMT.

Occasional use is fine to me. More or less, I look to see if someone's habits mirror my own or there will be problems with compatibility long-term.

not_a_paper_pusher · 2022-03-28T10:50:50+00:00

I wouldn’t consider him a HVM if he did drugs.

happy_petite_spartan · 2022-03-28T08:02:39+00:00

No issue if everything else about them is extremely high quality. I dated a big finance guy once from a powerful family background, he had very strong good character and was a very ambitious, intelligent and loyal man. He had all the qualities that make a genuinely good person. Wasn’t addicted to drugs but used them recreationally, no history of trauma or addiction or dependency. Just enjoyed having a good time with his friends, going to festivals etc.

He changed my view and while we didn’t last long, I can only say good things about him. To me, if a person is high value whether they take drugs occasionally or game in their spare time etc. it’s no big deal. I’d take an extremely high quality man who likes to do a line of ketamine occasionally over an average quality man who abstains from all drugs and other vices. High value men are simply high value, which entails that the methods they take to de-stress or have a good time are ones that don’t harm themselves, others around them or support & perpetuate negativity.

There are so many shit guys out there who pride themselves on being drug free and the like & won’t help their friends and loved ones when they are in need. If he’s HV, nothing he does should ever cause you problems

thewetdog_ · 2022-03-28T07:48:41+00:00

I think man or woman doing drugs is low value.

Controversial but even consistent marihuana use does a number on people, in my experience at least. I am convinced that you can completely see the dimming of the lights in people after years of steady marihuana smoking. I like men that are sharp and with it, and that know how to relax and unwind without substances.

And that’s considering that marihuana is a more ~benevolent drug. But a man who does psychotropics? Stimulants? Tbh fuck that.

I am too old and have too great of a life to hang out with people who do drugs. This isnt my circle nor do I want it ti be. I am 35f so that may impact in the sense drug use is not glamorized at all to me.

No offense to anyone of you who uses drugs recreationally but I’ve busted my ass for 20 years to build a high paying, high status conventional career, move in respectable circles, to look good, to have great skin, etc only to end up in someone’s living room around drugs. I myself would Absolutely would not date a man who does drugs because I don’t want to raise kids with someone who does drugs either.

Edit to add: I was thinking if you are in more alternative circles, like for example the art world. If you are looking to date and marry, keep in mind that environments with a tolerance for drug use can also leave you a widow with young children. Case in point, the recently deceased Taylor Hawkins from foo fighters. By all accounts a decent, kind, family man who struggling with drug use on an off for decades. Leaves behind his wife and teenage children. No amount of money in the world can buy your husband back 💔. RIP.

AphoticEnigma_ · 2022-03-28T09:06:38+00:00

It’s a no

vitryolic · 2022-03-28T14:34:35+00:00

Huge red flags.

🚩 They’re using it as a form of escapism, or coping mechanism for deeper issues, in a harmful way

🚩 It’s unhealthy both physically and mentally, someone cannot care about themselves that much if they self-sabotage through drugs

🚩 The people who support drug use often ignore the multitudes of studies which show the negative affect they have on brain chemistry

🚩 Often people try drugs in their youth, if it’s a habit a grown man is continuing then he’s not at the level of maturity to be high value

🚩 Its embarrassing to have a partner who does this, would you tell your parents or colleagues he was an active drug user? No because you’d be judged by association

🚩 It’s illegal and always runs the risk of being caught. If you were with a man who was caught for possession or dealing it could ruin your life also

🚩 Regular drug users try to normalise drug use to others, so will often coerce partners into using also so that they can’t judge them

☕️ Story Time ☕️ My best friend had a fiancée who took drugs, and even went into business with him and his family because she trusted him. They were pulled over in his car, and the police found loads of drugs hidden away. Turns out he was dealing to friends as well as taking them himself. She also got charged for possession, they took her phone and found out she knew about his usage.

The police also confiscated all of the funding for their business as the thought they money way related to drug sales. She lost thousands, her life savings, her business, and now has a criminal record so struggles to get jobs.

She’s working in one where they don’t do thorough background checks, and everyday lives with the anxiety that someone will ‘out’ her and she’ll lose everything. You cannot trust a man that takes drugs

ChickenRiceSoup · 2022-03-28T07:35:02+00:00

They're not HV.

ButterfliesHurricane · 2022-03-28T09:21:54+00:00

Absolutely no from me. LV red flag 🚩

Ok_Passenger_5717 · 2022-03-28T09:28:54+00:00

Nah, that ain't right. I wouldn't want that in a partner and I wouldn't want to do that myself.

extraodi · 2022-03-28T09:20:49+00:00

For me, absolutely not. Though I understand others might have different lifestyles.

Jaelismyhomegirl · 2022-03-28T13:19:35+00:00

I don’t know anyone out of college and gainfully employed who still smokes weed. To me, it’s a sign of not being in an adult mindset. Like binge drinking on the weekends.

PeanutButterPigeon85 · 2022-03-29T08:39:30+00:00

Hey OP -- I've never used or dated someone who used these drugs. However, I've had two good male friends who started using them and within a few years, they both went completely off the rails. Based on this experience, I'd strongly caution women against dating guys who use psychedelics, even occasionally.

Here's the full story of my two ex-friends:

They were both smart, successful, and nice people whom I'd known for years. These were also separate events: these guys didn't know each other, but their stories were nearly identical. Anyway, they were both pretty normal guys, and then they tried out LSD and loved it. At first, they were mostly the same, just really enthusiastic about talking up psychedelics to anyone who'd listen. Then they went from being occasional users to constant users: I couldn't even hang out with them anymore without their being high. Their entire lives revolved around these drugs, and they started hanging out with a crowd that normalized this. By the end of year three, both of them had separately started posting bonkers rants on social media, with everything from anti-vax conspiracies to claims that they were victims of satanic experimentation. (So if anyone says "these drugs aren't addictive," my answer is...ha.)

In retrospect, it's hard to know whether these psychedelics gave rise to their mental health issues, or whether both men had pre-existing mental health issues and were using psychedelics to self-medicate. I suspect it's the latter, but either way, it doesn't change the fact that these men lost or alienated most of the people in their lives.

Keepers12345 · 2022-03-28T09:40:31+00:00

No way. Drugs 4 drugs.

He's playing with fire.

People can say all they want about them, but there are safer things to do.

If a man can't (or won't) enjoy life without drugs, then he's not HV in my book.

People that smoke marijuana don't get healthier with age. Anyone who wants to claim otherwise is lying to oneself. "Medical marijuana" for stress or whatever is a red flag.

LevellingUpTime · 2022-03-28T07:58:19+00:00

Nope, not for me.

To my standards, a HVM wouldn't partake in any psychedelics even once. A HVM for me would not risk damaging his brain using hallucinogens to "open his third eye" or whatever he's trying to achieve with them.

Healingirl · 2022-03-28T13:05:26+00:00

Nope and he is not HV if he does drugs

VintagePallor · 2022-03-28T15:03:40+00:00

With weed, as a non-smoker my definition of "occasional" use is basically never the same as theirs lmao. Personally I'm talking "once every 2-3 months max" like if someone offers a puff at a party, never buying your own. The average scrote's definition of "occasional" is gonna be 1-3 times a week but realistically it's every 1-2 days lmao 🙃 I just don't like it, don't like being around it, don't like what it usually does to men's ambition, don't like the health effects, don't like that most men self-medicate with it instead of getting professional treatment for their issues, don't like my potential partner spending so much money on it, the list goes on and on. If someone says "Occasionally" on their OLD profile I usually next them and if they say "Yes" I definitely do.

Mushrooms is even more of the same, I'd be okay with 1-2 times a year for brain health and healing ONLY or maybe well controlled, well spaced out microdosing, again for mental health benefits since I believe in science and it's very promising in those areas. Recreational use beyond that is definitely not what I'm about (and let's be real, HVM are not likely to be doing weekly mushroom trips, are they? Don't believe "anyone can be a great guy for you!!1!" libfem BS, the answer is no, no they aren't.)

elainejay82 · 2022-03-28T08:15:19+00:00

There is a lot of research with psychedelics relieving depression and it's absolutely worked for me in the past, but I think I would be weirded out if a guy my age was doing them off and on.

That's a lot to be just doing recreationally on the weekends or whatever. If a guy was doing it maybe once every two years I wouldn't be alarmed, but just as a way to kick back? No. I've seen the repercussions of this. They are mind-warping drugs, regardless of positive effects on the psyche when used in staunch moderation.

DMT burns holes in your brain. LSD never leaves your spine, pot heads always seem slobby and unkempt to me and there's a lot of research now that shows what it does to the lungs and brain. I would seriously only accept mushrooms in grave moderation, meaning years between doses.

candyfox84 · 2022-03-28T18:39:36+00:00

Hell no. If it’s not an addiction, it has the potential to become one. Anyway most HV jobs won’t allow it, either because of the policy or the risk of underperforming. If he’s still into that he needs to grow up. I’m into very minimal alcohol consumption as well.

glowmilk · 2022-03-28T13:12:46+00:00

I wouldn’t consider that high value by my standards. I know that one’s experiences on these drugs can be enlightening and interesting, but I’m not interested in a man who needs to take a substance for introspection, to seek deeper knowledge or to improve his life in any way. I’d prefer someone who is into yoga, meditation and spirituality rather than psychedelics. I’d also question what lifestyle/mindset he has for him to be interested in these drugs in the first place. What’s going on with you mentally that you want to have that escape from reality every once in a while? You must not be very risk averse.

I’ve been curious about psychedelics before and have read many people’s stories online. Some talk about how they’ve been able to appreciate music more, have a different outlook on life, enjoy nature, become more open-minded etc. Personally, I don’t need drugs to do any of those things so I question the mindset of someone who does. I feel happy for those who may have an experience with psychedelics that changes their life for the better, but it’s just not for me.

pinkmailboxes · 2022-03-28T15:27:27+00:00

Personally, I have never done any drugs in my life. I have never smoked weed and when I tell people that they think I’m lying. The worst “drug” I’ve had is alcohol, and the last time I had that was when my family forced me to take shots for my 21st. Before that, I tried sips of stuff here and there, but around 16~ish I stopped. I’ve never been drunk or high. I don’t even know how people attain drugs like LSD and shrooms besides going on the Dark Web. It all seems to risky and too LV for my taste. I think I wouldn’t be compatible with someone who smokes weed or does hard drugs, and or even people who are heavy drinkers since I don’t participate in any of these activities. I wouldn’t mind someone who drank and knows their limits. Basically, they have to have self-control and not get drunk or drink heavy all the time. I understand people who socially drink. Drugs, it’s not for me and I wouldn’t want to be with a guy who consume drugs either so it’s LV to me. The two guys who I did met who actually tried weed and LSD were LV too. I feel like a lot of the times weed + games + porn go together and they = the generic LV guy

__kamikaze__ · 2022-03-28T13:17:44+00:00

Personally it’s a no for me. Most of the people I’ve met have used these drugs as gateway drugs which leads to heavier things like heroin.

I’ve also found that we’re just incompatible in general because we don’t share the same values. I knew a guy who smokes and drinks a shitload whenever he’s stressed, while I exercise or take myself to the spa…. when I told him I’d rather be healthy he said he’s here for a good time and not a long time 🙅‍♀️

Skizzor_Sister · 2022-03-28T19:57:16+00:00

I don’t think drug use in moderation is a sign of being LV, but if it bothers you, then you have every right to that boundary.

InjuryOnly4775 · 2022-03-29T07:18:27+00:00

Yup that’s a BIG no for me, even ‘social’ drugs. Please, drug use is not social. It’s cuts one off from others, oneself and from the spirit. I head for the hills if I hear of drugs use, frankly even regular alcohol use. Nope nope nope. And that is why I’m still single today 😂

BedazzledSwashbuckle · 2022-03-29T15:53:37+00:00

Most antisocial personality disordered individuals have higher than average rates of substance use (despite the fact that they're less likely to become addicted due to brain structure).

I'd see it as one of two things:

he's numbing for some reason. I'd hold back until I know what, exactly, if he's otherwise great;
He's Cluster B and he's masking very, very well. Which means the mask will slip if you do some digging (forget waiting for three years; start looking into his life and his past breakups).

ABQ_COgirl · 2022-03-28T13:15:26+00:00

I think weed is ok because it’s not actually psychedelic. But used in moderation of course.

evezinto · 2022-03-28T14:17:16+00:00

Wake up.

SupremeDearLeader · 2022-03-28T13:35:05+00:00

Only if it's " muh college days ". Drugs dull your mind , a HVM does not have a dull mind.

StrawberryMoon3 · 2022-03-28T17:01:16+00:00

Wow. I can't believe I'm in the minority here. Why do most of y'all think that it's fine? It's trash behaviour

StrawberryMoon3 · 2022-03-28T16:58:31+00:00

It's low value and illegal

Title	What do you think about seemingly HVM doing psychedelic drugs occasionally?
Author	RegularCertain
Upvotes	172
Comments	94
Date	March 28, 2022 7:32 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/tq3x14/what_do_you_think_about_seemingly_hvm_doing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-do-you-think-about-seemingly-hvm-doing.1109862 https://theredarchive.com/post/1109862

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