A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.
We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.
Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.
Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.
Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.
[–]red_koanUnplugging / 60 DoD '21 17 points18 points19 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]red_koanUnplugging / 60 DoD '21 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ragnar_DaneskjoldUnplugging / 60 Dod '21 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]red_koanUnplugging / 60 DoD '21 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mapplan20 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]We_waz_alpha_n_sheet 5 points6 points7 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]We_waz_alpha_n_sheet 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Tyred_BiggumsMRP MODERATOR / Divorced / LTR 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DirtyNukeMRP APPROVED / Married / Grandma is a slut 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Mapplan20 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]drunk_captn 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]fix-the-manUnplugging 3 points4 points5 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Tyred_BiggumsMRP MODERATOR / Divorced / LTR 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]fix-the-manUnplugging 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]UsefulWalk4Unplugging / Getting there 2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]fix-the-manUnplugging 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]UsefulWalk4Unplugging / Getting there 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]fix-the-manUnplugging 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ColdShowerZealot 3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]KyneroneDoesn't matter, got flowers 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Holiday-Physics-3359 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]UsefulWalk4Unplugging / Getting there 3 points4 points5 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]dust2dust45Approved 3 points4 points5 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]UsefulWalk4Unplugging / Getting there 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]dust2dust45Approved 4 points5 points6 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]UsefulWalk4Unplugging / Getting there 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]dust2dust45Approved 4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]UsefulWalk4Unplugging / Getting there 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]UsefulWalk4Unplugging / Getting there 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ragnar_Daneskjold1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
I want to know more about the relationship you had, if any, prior to this. "for science!"
[–]UsefulWalk4Unplugging / Getting there 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]KyneroneDoesn't matter, got flowers 2 points3 points4 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 10 points11 points12 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]InChargeManMRP APPROVED 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dust2dust45Approved 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Tyred_BiggumsMRP MODERATOR / Divorced / LTR 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]KyneroneDoesn't matter, got flowers 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]GetOffMyLawn7460 DoD '21 2 points3 points4 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 18 points19 points20 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]GetOffMyLawn7460 DoD '21 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]man_in_the_worldMRP APPROVED / Sage / Married 35+ years 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]GetOffMyLawn7460 DoD '21 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]reframor 2 points3 points4 points (16 children) | Copy Link
[–]muzzy_W0eUnplugging / Divorced 2 points3 points4 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 1 point2 points3 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]reframor 0 points1 point2 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 3 points4 points5 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]reframor 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ackley1900Grinding 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ackley1900Grinding 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]oobertasUnplugging -1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]oobertasUnplugging 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]reframor 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Praexology 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Tyred_BiggumsMRP MODERATOR / Divorced / LTR 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]reframor 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ragnar_DaneskjoldUnplugging / 60 Dod '21 2 points3 points4 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]ragnar_DaneskjoldUnplugging / 60 Dod '21 3 points4 points5 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]InChargeManMRP APPROVED 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ragnar_DaneskjoldUnplugging / 60 Dod '21 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ragnar_DaneskjoldUnplugging / 60 Dod '21 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]oobertasUnplugging 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AcademicDumbass 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sparkling_truth2 points [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
OYS #1 24/08/2021Red pill since 1 month
About me:
Male | 28 Years Old | No kids | 7 years relationship married since 2, never had PIV (technically half virgin)| European married Chinese girlNot using the main account because can connect to me, Redditor for years.
Lifts: Bench 66 Lbs | Military Press 66 Lbs | Squat 37 Lbs | Deadlifts 55 LBsStats: 191 Lbs (87kg) for 5.9" (181 Cm), 26% Body Fat
Read: sidebar, NMMNG, TMMSLF, How to be a 3% man, Practical female psychology, TWOTSM, SGM, TRM, MAP, How to win friends and influence people, The book of pookReading: The Natural, Double your Dating, My Secret Garden, The Game
Background (it is a disaster)
Do you mind if I start by potentially breaking 9 and 10? Probably yes, but let me explain. I want to state my background because I hope to find a Morpheus or comments here that can help me grow. I failed badly, really badly and it is hard. Feel free to be harsh. In order to provide background, I will need to provide some information about my wife and third parties. I want to keep here where I started from to check back one day and always remember who I was. I want to inspire others one day. I will make sure to never do it again and break the rules.
I grew up in a family with a strong and controlling mother. My father was definitely not a strong person and was a drunk captain. My father died quite early before my teens and I grew up with my sister and my mother. They were used to fight a lot while I was the good kid who never argues and always tries to please his mom. Always put her first because she will appreciate it. I was definitely appreciated as the only good son. This is how I see my origin as a Nice Guy, I got rewarded for nice behaviors and putting women first. I was a nerdy guy, MMORPG all days. Didn't get laid all my life, didn't have a girlfriend all my life. I learn how to please women even more and swallowed the blue pill because it works with mom no? I'm the good guy.
At Univerisity, I happened to meet this Chinese lady which I really fall into. We eventually got together but foreplays only. She stated she feels pain when trying PIV (more later). After the end of the semester, she was due to go back to Asia and I decided to follow her. Obviously, my mother would have not accepted it so I lied I was going for 3 months only for work. When she later found out I went for a girl and that I was not really coming back, she cut me off from her life for almost 1 year. I found a job in Asia and learning from my father I did what males are supposed to do (so I believed) provide money and security. OYS in terms of financials but nothing more. I worked hard because my family has abandoned me, I had to be able to survive on my own at 22 years old in Asia. My relationship with the girl went on, my mother reconnected after a while because yeah, she is a mother. I really loved my girl, full ONitis, and pleased her at my best. She was enjoying it probably due to the honeymoon phase.
She eventually pushed for marriage but I was afraid to tell my mother so I took time. I did what a clever Beta would do, I told my girl that she had to wait because I had to convince my mother. Yes, I did it..... She definitely didn't like it but for some reason stuck around until one day, she told me either you make a choice or I'm leaving for good.
Somehow, I decided to speak with my mother, pissed her off for all the lies I told her over the years, and eventually married the girl who is my wife now. Over the years she gave me plenty of remarks about how I was a beta loser and I had to grow up (your chad friend understands me more in 5 minutes than you in 7 years, you need to do what you want and stop please others, you need to say no, you need to step your ground, you need to stop eating McDonald, you need to grow up, you need to have a real speech with your mother, you are boring, can you please sex me like if you paid a bitch?). She didn't say so overtly, but she said it quite clear.
I never caught them back in time, I caught them now. Covenant contracts and all the nice guy shits, sex life went to once a month, and 0 passion. I thought it was due to her pain related to PIV and asked her to go get checked. She didn't for 7 years. The lack of PIV with my wife destroyed me psychologically, even more, my wife can't fuck me, I can't fuck my wife, my mother think I'm a liar and a loser, every woman think so. What did I fail? I started to research and I ended up here. The truth was revealed. I promise to own my shit and put in the effort, it is time to change and this is a serious commitment. My positive point? In life, when I wanted something, I really got it. I really learned fast and studied hard. I'm using this as the basis for self-confidence. Everything I really pushed for (self-learning coding, database, website building, work, investments, etc.) was a success. I can be successful in this too.
Mission/Frame:
I'm still learning. I still didn't grasp it. This is what I need to work on mostly now but I'll make sure to grasp this concept better and define my vision. I have read frame posts and the books more time, but I'm not catching it yet. For now, be the oak.
Immediate goals:
Get fit | Do what I feel and what I like | Learn to say no | Dress well | Improve my social skills
Physical:
Subscribed to the gym earlier this month with my chad buddy. I am trying to spend more time with this kind of people to check and learn more on the ground. We are going 5x a week with a good program. Also running 2x and swim 1x. In December I was 231 LBs, now I am at 191. I had started diet before but since joining the RP I started to hit the gym as well and speeding up the progress. I have never been a gym person because I felt it like a duty. Now I feel like a mission and I got into the habit. Definitely switched my brain by a lot.
Diet:
1800-1900 Kcals, 140P 160C 70F.
Work/Financials:
This is the only point that rise my social value and where I'm comfortable here. So not overworking on this side. I worked hard because it was all I knew. Got promoted, making decent money, built a side business that is bringing in even more money. I'm well ahead, almost at the financial independence point by 40. Saving over 70% of my income and investing. I know this part, focus on other areas.
Clothing/Lifestyle/Friends
I upgraded my wardrobe. Killed all the 15 years old clothes, got me some shirts, good pants, good shoes, watches. It was an overnight change, getting compliments. Half bald I just shaved it all good and keeping it shaved and well-groomed daily. Definitely doing better here. Waiting to lose more weight and reach a more stable point to upgrade with a tailor. Trying to engage more with my small social circle and start being invited again at events/groups. Small improvements. I need to work hard here more, I'm socially uncomfortable, I don't know how to speak or how to be funny. A good part because I didn't develop my personality yet and I didn't define my frame and vision. Gotta work on that asap. Started also to engage in more activities I wanted to do (take dance class). My wife has been invited and she jumped aboard. Need to define a bit better what I want to do in life because I'm still unsure.
Wife/Sex/Relationship
Since joining the red pill, my wife has loved my new style. I started to grab some shit and comfort tests and play them with AA. I'm not good yet but am moving to the first step. She noticed the changes and asked if I was cheating but still in a funny and not serious way. We had sex almost 20 times in august with a bit more passion. She still asks me to stop please her in bad and just do what I want. Truth is, I don't know what I want. I told her to get her shit together too and go to a doctor for the PIV issue. She finally went. Gino said she is fine, maybe has vaginismus due to fear related to penetration. I told her to get a PT and a therapist. She did. She will commence sex therapy in September.
Outcome/Future/Things to work on
I still didn't fully grasp the RP. I understood the meaning, I accepted it ( I had my anger stage twice) and I look forward to it. Yet, I lack as a person. I lack social skills, I lack fun, I lack body language, whatever I'm doing is still not only for me but for my wife and others. This has to be connected with my lack of vision, frame, mission. I have to define and understand these better. I need to put myself at the center for the first time. I don't know how to do it yet, I never did. But I have to understand it. If you wanna share some suggestions much appreciated. I will be a success story, I have to be.
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]threekindsofluckyMRP MODERATOR / Married[M] 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 5 points6 points7 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NoSleep4OldMan 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Tyred_BiggumsMRP MODERATOR / Divorced / LTR 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]man_in_the_worldMRP APPROVED / Sage / Married 35+ years 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SpareTireBob60 DoD '21 / 1 BJ / 4 Years / We didn't start the fire 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]fix-the-manUnplugging 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]muzzy_W0eUnplugging / Divorced 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]-craven-moorehead- 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SheeshJustDropIt 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]man_in_the_worldMRP APPROVED / Sage / Married 35+ years 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RedCoquetteUnplugging / 60 DoD '21 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dust2dust45Approved 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]RedCoquetteUnplugging / 60 DoD '21 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]business_-_travel 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]God_I_Love_Men 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pancakeOptimusPrimeGrinding 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]muzzy_W0eUnplugging / Divorced 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]JCX_PulseFinally got back on the horse 😃 1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]JCX_PulseFinally got back on the horse 😃 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]UsefulWalk4Unplugging / Getting there 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]JCX_PulseFinally got back on the horse 😃 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]UsefulWalk4Unplugging / Getting there 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]idealquixote 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CovertContractAttyWorking on being Fucking Awesome 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]dust2dust45Approved 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]CovertContractAttyWorking on being Fucking Awesome 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sidepiecebanditGrinding 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Praexology 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Alf248365Grinding / Cucked by Halakha 0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]UsefulWalk4Unplugging / Getting there 2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Alf248365Grinding / Cucked by Halakha 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]UsefulWalk4Unplugging / Getting there 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Alf248365Grinding / Cucked by Halakha 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Tyred_BiggumsMRP MODERATOR / Divorced / LTR 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Alf248365Grinding / Cucked by Halakha 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dust2dust45Approved 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Alf248365Grinding / Cucked by Halakha 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RamboGunsBlazin1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
OYS #14
Stats: 35, wife 34, daughter 4, son 2, 5'9", 175lbs, 14% (Navy)
Read: The Rational Male: Year One, NMMNG, MMSLP, MAP, WISNIFG
Currently Reading: TWOTSM-15%
Lift: FSQ 165lbsx5, BP 155lbsx5, DL 240 lbsx5, OHP 110lbsx5 (Last set of 5/3/1)
Reflections On The Week:
I previously changed what I wanted from my life due to fear. My own fear along with the fear from others. I am going to lean into the fear and do what I can to get started now. I've wanted to invest in real estate for 5+ years but let myself get talked out of it prior to finding MRP. It was easier to put off because I knew what a major undertaking this would be to get started. I want to invest in buy and hold real estate to start a slow transition out my current day job. I realize this will be a long process but my goal is to acquire enough properties to make 150% of my salary in cashflow, within the next ten years. This level of income would give me the confidence to quit my day job and pursue real estate full time. It would also give me the flexibility that I truly desire. I have started gathering necessary information at Bigger Pockets and plan to network locally to compliment this knowledge.
As I realized last week, I've wasted way too much time focused on getting laid, which has ultimately gotten me less sex. I am going to deprioritize sex for now, and focus on real estate and building a solid frame. My covert contracts around sex run deep, so I will need to figure out how to let go of them. My hope is that if I focus on myself and stop focusing so much on sex, it will remove the pressure around sex/initiating, which could help me better understand why these covert contracts exist.
I've got a few idea's on how I'd like to get started buying properties. Options include a few ways to start out with my current combined household income and how to get started with just my income. Since I've got time before my first purchase, I will consult with a lawyer to see if there is anyway to protect myself if I were to divorce after purchasing additional properties. I assume not but if I can get my ducks in any sort of rows now I will.
The Plan:
Maintain attention on not being unattractive and OI, focused on having a similar mentality used with the kids. Stick with the basics of lift and STFU. Work on mastering techniques from WISNIFG to maintain boundaries without being unattractive. Look for opportunities to practice fogging, when criticized. Work towards having viable options and continue living congruent with the man I am and want to become. Continue improving my game and work towards an abundance mentality. Get down to 170lbs. Stop being a dancing monkey and work on changes for the right reasons. Focus on getting what I want out of life, including investing in real estate.
[–]ragnar_DaneskjoldUnplugging / 60 Dod '21 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]RamboGunsBlazin1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I can see that. My thought was more around not focusing on initiation, but you're right, when I don't get laid I can't think straight. I took a long hiatus from jerking off but unfortunately had to start again last week. I find that when it's been longer than a week, that's when I feel more anger/resentment, covert contracts/owed sex, and initiate like my name would suggest. Since I cannot be OI when I haven't gotten any in a while, this is my temporary fix, but I agree, the long term goal is to handle it better. Still trying to figure this shit out and I know I'm a retard.
Also, when I said focus on sex, I was also referring to mental bandwidth. Up until now my thoughts have been so calculate around sex, like did I do enough KINO, was I fun enough, was that unattractive, etc. I'm just tired of caring to that extent. So taking the pressure off will be around not always thinking about how to get laid, and just living life doing what I want.
The username was definitely selected for a reason but I've come a long way with that. I'm glad it can still make people chuckle, though.
[–]ragnar_DaneskjoldUnplugging / 60 Dod '21 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]omured 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Cartographer419 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]-craven-moorehead- 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Cartographer419 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ragnar_DaneskjoldUnplugging / 60 Dod '21 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Cartographer419 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ragnar_DaneskjoldUnplugging / 60 Dod '21 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ackley1900Grinding 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]muzzy_W0eUnplugging / Divorced 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]red_koanUnplugging / 60 DoD '21 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]muzzy_W0eUnplugging / Divorced 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]red_koanUnplugging / 60 DoD '21 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]anothabanga 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ragnar_DaneskjoldUnplugging / 60 Dod '21 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]anothabanga 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Big_Richard_NRGGrinding 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]HornsOfApathyMRP MODERATOR / Married 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Big_Richard_NRGGrinding 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ragnar_DaneskjoldUnplugging / 60 Dod '21 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Big_Richard_NRGGrinding 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HsNamWsRobertPaulson1 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
OYS #11
Age Mid-30s. Married 5 years. 5' 10”, 189 lbs, 14% BF.
Kids: Toddler
Lifts: SQ 1x290 lbs, BP 1x240 lbs, DL 1x315 lbs, OHP 1x155
Read: NMMNG, MAP, MMSLP, The Game, Book of Pook, WISNIFG
Reading: 2xPook
Where I’m going:
I had mentioned in other OYS posts that I need to figure out where I was headed. I thought back to times when I was the happiest or was having the most fun. Ultimately what I found was when I was with friends and family sharing experiences with them. I determined I really want to maximize the ability to do this more often.
Action:
Working towards financial independence so that I have more time to enjoy time with friends and family. I have a fair amount of money saved toward this goal and I’m actively looking at ways to reduce our monthly expenses so I can get an accurate picture of what we’ll need in order for me to “retire."
Social:
Starting to put more effort into this one in keep consistent with my above life goal. Planning a golf trip with the boys. Going out of town to visit a buddy. Hanging out with some people from the gym. Staying later after class to shoot the shit.
Action:
Need to make more of an effort to maintain connections with my friends and family. I currently have a bad mental model that I’m inconveniencing people by reaching out to them. This is stupid and needs to be killed if people don’t want to talk they will let me know through their actions.
Personality:
Addressing the issue that I need to become a more positive person. Really trying to change my mental models to accomplish this. When I converse I tend NGAF but because I can be somewhat negative it doesn’t come off well. Also, for some reason I will bring up such boring subjects that even I get bored midway through talking about it.
Action:
Work on always being light-spirited, warm, humorous while still STFU when I have nothing to add to the conversation.
Relationship:
Been honing in on setting boundaries on what behavior I will tolerate from her. I’d say that this area has been progressing rather well. But I still find that I have a sort of subconscious anger towards her though it's becoming less and less. The problem now is that a tend to cut her off in a weird move so that I don't DEER.
Action:
Work on being nicer to my wife. I need to calmly address her comments and not let them affect my frame.
[–]ragnar_DaneskjoldUnplugging / 60 Dod '21 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]HsNamWsRobertPaulson1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Yep. You're right. It's a frame issue. Need to work on it.
[–]ragnar_DaneskjoldUnplugging / 60 Dod '21 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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