Becoming a single mother by choice using a sperm donor is actually insane and it would rightfully be seen as insane if it was men who did it

cb8585b · 2025-10-31T15:48:15+00:00

Well people hate single mothers whether they choose to be or not, this is just adding something to the list of grievances to me.

candiedgemstone · 2025-10-31T16:36:22+00:00

Also, I’d like to add that I work in public safety and deal with child abuse and neglect and children living in poverty pretty regularly.

A child having a single loving parent who really wanted them is such a non issue.

Lemon_gecko · 2025-10-31T15:43:46+00:00

First of all, I highly doubt that these women just couldn't find a nice man to have kids with

That's just your opinion.

it's better to just have a child and divorce the man later as at least this way the man still has a chance to be an involved father.

I'm not responsible for giving a chance to someone. And sperm donors obviously didn't want that. You going against everyone's wishes. A man can be horrible co parent. (a woman too, but we're talking that from woman's perspective)

Second of all, intentionally depriving a child of a two-parent household is cruel as two-parent households are known to produce the best outcomes in kids

having less that ideal outcome isn't cruel. Because this way we also can call poor people having kids cruel, or middle class too because there are rich people and they give more possibilities for a kid.

When 80 yo celebrities have kids it's seen as insane because they're about to drop dead. Having a kid with a sperm donor is arguably similar or worse because at least with those celebrities the kid can watch their old movies to relate to them and feel proud. With a sperm donor there's nothing.

They can watch their mother. They have mother.

Thirdly, possibly having multiple half-siblings you don't know about is just weird and dangerous.

Dunno, seems fine by me. I don't know many things in life, i survive. How dangerous it is tho? i fail to see that.

if lots of men became single parents via surrogate it would be seen as creepy and weird.

Well i don't know about "a lot" but there isn't a lot of single mothers like that either. If the same proportion of men wanted to do that i would feel....nothing, i don't care. Their choice. If there would happen epidemic of that i would be interested in causes, but i hardly see that because seems to me like men want kids only with mother in the package (can understand that) in majority.

ThatBitchA · 2025-10-31T15:33:39+00:00

Families come in all shapes and sizes.

I'm okay with people who want kids having kids.

soontobesolo · 2025-10-31T15:45:23+00:00

Nah, as long as she can be a good parent and can afford kids there's no problem at all. Yes, perhaps two parents are better, but not by much, and there's plenty of leeway in both cases for goodness/badness.

Multiple half siblings is irrelevant. Not weird or dangerous, that's your own irrationality.

candiedgemstone · 2025-10-31T16:35:01+00:00

It’s not cruel at all.

A woman who had a baby via a doner most likely really really wanted a baby and will be a great mom.

“Depriving” a child of a two parent household is ridiculous. A ton of kids have divorced parents. Women also commonly have villages to help raise children. Good friend groups, grandparents, aunts/ uncles.

To be honest, my dad was kind of a drunk loser and my mom was great but fought with him a lot. I’d much rather just grow up with my mom in the picture and no dad. If my parents divorced I’d probably never talk to my dad.

r2k398 · 2025-10-31T15:38:22+00:00

I think it's on a case by case basis. I know someone who did this and she is a great parent. She's better by herself than a lot of two parent households are.

Novadina · 2025-10-31T15:42:58+00:00

I met someone who did this. It wasn’t at all about not being able to find a man or being ugly, she is asexual and had no desire to be with a man or woman in that way. But she desired to be a mother. Families come in all kinds of ways, there are lots of single mothers, I don’t see that her reason is worse than the person I know who just has shitty taste in men and decided to keep an accidental pregnancy and her boyfriend accused her of being a whore and ran out on her. Both of them are actually good mothers, much better than my own mother who has been married to my dad for 45 years. Being married doesn’t automatically make someone a better parent.

Most people aren’t able to create the ideal statistical environment, stats shouldn’t prevent individuals from pursuing happiness and a fulfilling life. If children are better statistically in rich households do you think it’s insane for anyone not rich to have kids? What about if they do better statistically in white households, is it insane for anyone non white to have kids? People should be able to be parents if they want, even if they don’t line up with some perfect statistic.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-10-31T16:07:41+00:00

Two loving, involved parents are ideal of course. However, there are a hell of a lot of married single mothers out there who had kids with men who seemed nice, but have little interest in parenting. Also many mothers who had kids just because “that’s what you do,” who might love their kids but didn’t really want them and aren’t the best parents.

So is a single mother who truly wanted children, planned carefully for them, and is able support and care for them on her own really any worse? I don’t think it would be crazy for a man to do this either, it’s just that fewer men are interested in being a single father.

GridReXX · 2025-10-31T15:45:10+00:00

If the two options are:

marry guy just for baby and divorce him
sperm donor

They’re both kinda shitty.

In the first option you’re psychologically screwing a guy over just so you can have kids. But at least the kids get a dad.

In the second option, the guy is spared. But the kids don’t have a dad.

I suppose the first option is better in that the dad may be emotionally broken after the divorce but at least he procreated and that seems to be a thing incels fear they’ll never get to do.

attendquoi · 2025-10-31T15:48:52+00:00

Speaking as a woman who wishes her father has been absentee, I don't see an issue with it.

BirdLawOnly · 2025-10-31T15:41:49+00:00

I know a single lesbian who used a sperm donor. Could she have found a man? Sure. She quite literally does not want anything to do with a man other than his sperm. Is she insane for being a lesbian who wants a child?

Big-Bodybuilder-5035 · 2025-10-31T17:53:02+00:00

I've always been of the opinion that a two-parent household is not inherently necessary, provided a single parent is capable of meeting a child’s developmental and emotional needs. Many of the statistics used to argue otherwise tend to conflate correlation with causation rather than establishing a direct causal link.

Windmill_flowers · 2025-10-31T15:47:42+00:00

I highly doubt that these women couldn't find a nice man to have children with

wow

anewleaf1234 · 2025-10-31T19:00:13+00:00

People get to do things that they want to do that don't harm you in any way.

Loving parents provide the best outcomes for kids.

For someone who claims they don't care, you seem to want to judge others.

BougieHeaux · 2025-10-31T16:50:51+00:00

It's a common misconception that only maternal health significantly impacts a pregnancy, but the science tells a completely different story.

Calling the choice to use a donor "insane" overlooks the fact that it's often a deeply informed and responsible decision based on well established paternal health risks.

From a scholarly perspective, sperm quality is highly sensitive to a father's age and lifestyle. Unlike eggs, which a woman is born with, sperm cells divide continuously throughout a man's life. This process creates opportunities for spontaneous genetic mutations to accumulate, its called PAE.

This isn't just about rare disorders. Advanced paternal age (34 years old) is a documented risk factor for neurodevelopmental conditions like autism and schizophrenia, as well as bipolar disorder, ADHD, and even some childhood cancers like leukemia. I even saw someone yesterday on this sub mention that inceldom was often linked to autism. (Although I've yet to make the time to verify this..)

It's also directly linked to a higher likelihood of miscarriage, stillbirth, and low birth weight.

Beyond age, a father's overall health can be passed to his children through epigenetic changes.. modifications that alter how genes are expressed without changing the DNA sequence itself. Paternal lifestyle factors like obesity, poor nutrition, smoking, and exposure to environmental toxins have been linked to increased risks of developmental delays and congenital heart defects in offspring.

This is precisely why sperm donation is so heavily scrutinized. For the vast majority of natural conceptions, there is no mandatory preconception genetic screening it's entirely optional. In contrast, sperm banks are regulated and follow extensive screening protocols.

Donors provide a multi-generational family health history, undergo comprehensive genetic and infectious disease testing, and must be within an age range that minimizes the risks associated with PAE.

(I'd also like to mention that men in the West rarely see procreating in their 50s as negligent parenting when that's precisely what it is. )

Choosing a screened donor is a logical way to mitigate a host of documented risks. Due to this profound disparity in screenings, children conceived via donors often have a statistically lower risk of inheriting these specific issues.

I wont touch your argument about two parent homes although I firmly disagree with it.

Perhaps we should reconsider our casual misuse of the word "insane" when discussing such thoughtful and scientifically grounded family planning concerns.

Considering all that, my question for you is this: if an unmarried woman who is partnered with a fertile male still chose to use a donor would you still feel this way?

P.S. Calling potential unknown half siblings "dangerous" is shortsighted and wild. ..considering their bloodline is already half vetted and well documented already. What if your child needs a transplant one day?

Solondthewookiee · 2025-10-31T19:13:03+00:00

First of all, I highly doubt that these women just couldn't find a nice man to have kids with. Especially when apparently money is not an issue.

Well, first off, that very frequently is the problem. It also hasn't occurred to you that they intentionally don't want a father to be involved.

Second of all, intentionally depriving a child of a two-parent household is cruel as two-parent households are known to produce the best outcomes in kids.

If I went through your post history, would I find a similar rant against dads who abandon their kids? Because that's an orders of magnitude larger problem than wealthy women using a sperm donor by themselves, to say nothing of the frequent demand by men on this sub and men's rights subs to make it easier for men to abandon their children.

Thirdly, possibly having multiple half-siblings you don't know about is just weird and dangerous.

Reputable sperm banks limit the number of children a single donor can father.

CissyXS · 2025-10-31T19:59:04+00:00

I'm not a fan of artificial insemination, but I'm going to act as a devil's advocate here.

I highly doubt that these women just couldn't find a nice man to have kids with.

You do realise that being a wife requires something more than just making one baby? What if that woman can find a nice man but she's not sure she'll be a good wife to him? What if she's not attracted to him enough? And what if the man she's attracted to doesn't want a child with her?

Even if you don't want the commitment, it's better to just have a child and divorce the man later as at least this way the man still has a chance to be an involved father.

Why is it better? A man who wants a child can always have it with someone else, she's not the only woman in the world. How many fathers actually want to be involved? Besides, with current societal climate and the hatred women receive for "ruining marriages" using a sperm donor looks like a more responsible decision.

intentionally depriving a child of a two-parent household is cruel

Can't argue here. I agree with that.

I am convinced that if lots of men became single parents via surrogate it would be seen as creepy and weird.

Society is distrustful of men with children in general. While female pedophiles absolutely do exist, it's still to far lesser extent than male one.

OP, would you be more accepting of the use of sperm donors if men using egg donors was more accepted in society?

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-10-31T20:02:11+00:00

Single mother by choice is closer to ‘nature’ than the constructed ‘ nuclear family’.

If ur rich and want kids outsourcing the arrangement is efficient and expedites the process. 1st I think having kids is selfish the first place, which is fine. People aren't having kids for the sake of the children, they’re having kids for the sake of themselves.

If a woman wants to have kids and she finances to responsibly have them and care for them . Then it makes sense to just have the kid. Because what she wanted was a kid.

Wanting a kid so getting into a relationship to then have a kid is unnecessary / a waste of time effort, energy. All she wanted was the kid. Why not just simplify the process?

The cons of coming from a single mom household vs a two parent household are more but they can be heavily mitigated especially with money.

Also that some cons that come from divorced/single parent households come from breaking up the household, the heartbreak of parent, & the financial struggle of single.

But a sperm donor Baby won’t have to deal with some of these struggles. (They will have to deal with some other struggles )

Some potential struggles, lack of male presence/influence but you can buy this. You can put the kid in some sports with male coaches ( boxing/ football/Karate etc) or get a male nanny or pay a man/bodyguard to hang with the kid.

Also many gay men hire surrogates most people aren’t calling them insane . Straight men can also do this. ( surrogacy might be illegal depending on your country.).

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Routine-Present-3676 · 2025-10-31T21:19:37+00:00

Can you explain why you care so much?

If a person wants to have a child, is capable of providing for and loving them, then they should be a parent. I don't think it's any more complicated than that.

-Kalos · 2025-11-01T01:37:10+00:00

People who wanted their kids are gonna be better parents than people who got knocked up accidentally and didn't really want the kid. Having sex with someone doesn't determine how great of a parent you'll be

Odd-Mastodon1212 · 2025-11-01T08:20:49+00:00

Single men do this too. They pay a surrogate or they co-parent with a woman friend.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2025-11-01T09:02:00+00:00

It's usually worse exactly because they don't plan for it so they don't have stable enviroment after the break up. If they plan for it and have enviroment for that it's perfectly fine.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-11-01T23:16:15+00:00

A shitty dad is worse than no dad

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-11-10T06:57:53+00:00

Becoming a single mom by choice is easy, simple and logical especially in ur op.

Having a father for the kid especially in your op's situation is something unnecessary and likely not beneficial to the mother at that point it's just something nice to do for the kid.

Ur not insane just bc u don't do something nice.

It's simple, easy and logical bc this woman/mother would avoid taking unnecessary years long detour through girlfriend- dom and wifedom when it had nothing to do with achieving her goals. Those are 2 different jobs.

In ur op- 1 year to motherhood. In ur proposed route - 3 years to motherhood+ baggage.

Your ops route also mitigates risks bc no father means no custody fight, no bitter baby daddy, no co-parenting etc

Plus men can and do get surrogates. IE: lots of gay men.

FieldOk433 · 2025-12-30T02:47:49+00:00

The only good point you made is the third one, other than that all of what you said is bullshit

KhadgarIsaDreadlord · 2025-10-31T16:29:04+00:00

Eh, some women want motherhood very badly. So much so that even if they clock out of dating entirely, they might still hold on to the possibility. I would assume that a number of women don't go through the whole process, if they want to get pregnant without any intent to have a father in the picture, they just go out on a few one night stands and get themselves pregnant.

There is an argument to be made that this is inherently selfish and hurts the child but what can you do? Desire for motherhood is literally one of the strongest evolutionary instinct that humans have. I can't fault women for doing it (unless they achieve their goal by stealthing / sabotaging BC then suing the father for CS becouse FUCK THAT). If the only people born were people with the optimal outcome we would have died off thousands of years ago. If they are willing, have the necessary financial background and don't want to be with someone for the sake of optimal outcomes, I say let them do it.

poopoopeepeecrusader · 2025-10-31T15:53:59+00:00

My mom did this for one of my brothers. None of us turned out very well. I’m the only one of my siblings who grew up knowing my dad

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-10-31T16:56:09+00:00

It’s tantamount to child abuse.

Luminous_Face_42 · 2025-10-31T16:30:57+00:00

it's the equivalent of gov. mandated girlfriends for incels tbh. it indicates she couldn't secure a man (for whatever reason whether it's her standards being too high or something else) and now a non-consenting other human being is getting involved. pretty much in lock step with why we're (rightfully) against gov mandated girlfriends.

Routine-Present-3676 · 2025-10-31T21:15:18+00:00

What the fuck does this have to do with dating?

LawfulnessSuper5091 · 2025-11-01T01:11:57+00:00

New research shows 78% of women who do this have been reading men's comments on reddit in the previous month.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-11-01T02:30:00+00:00

That’s a lot of words for “I don’t like when people make different choices than me”

Main-Tiger8537 · 2025-10-31T15:41:49+00:00

hm ok and what should we do about it? more strict cps revoking custody of irresponsible parents and larger funds for orphanages?

"Justice therefore dictates that if a woman makes a unilateral decision to bring pregnancy to term, and the biological father does not, and cannot, share in this decision, he should not be liable for 21 years of support. Or, put another way, autonomous women making independent decisions about their lives should not expect men to finance their choice." -- Karen Decrow, former president of NOW

currently society does not want something like lps for men or single parenthood...

https://law.digital.georgetown.edu/handle/10822/1051398

macdaddy0800 · 2025-10-31T16:21:15+00:00

I think women who deemed themselves independent, should be applauded, should they wish to be single mothers by choice.

That is a truly independent position to take.

It's respectable and honourable.

Somewhat different to a woman who claims independence but gradually back tracks and seeks a man to breed her and raise a child or children with her.

Sure you can have choices but be self aware and mindful of how your choices get perceived by others, especially men.

It's not cool to reassess your attitude on me nearing the end of your fertility, it comes off as tacky.

kvakerok_v2 · 2025-10-31T15:40:09+00:00

There's a reason single father households do just as well as two parent households for children outcomes - it's not crazy for a well off man to rent-a-womb for his offspring. Isn't that what already happens with gold digging whores that marry for example football stars just to divorce and take half?

Title	Becoming a single mother by choice using a sperm donor is actually insane and it would rightfully be seen as insane if it was men who did it
Author	Novel-Tip-7570
Upvotes	31
Comments	228
Date	October 31, 2025 3:32 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1okxqqq/becoming_a_single_mother_by_choice_using_a_sperm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/becoming-a-single-mother-by-choice-using-a-sperm.1565475 https://theredarchive.com/post/1565475

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