Do your partners know your n count?

LittleDragonMaiden · 2022-03-28T14:41:48+00:00

Yes my partner knows my n count. I reserved my sexuality for marriage and made it very clear to him.

AquaChip · 2022-03-28T14:30:18+00:00

Yes. But I told him voluntarily, he didn’t ask.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-03-28T15:29:08+00:00

Ive never had anyone ask nor have I asked.

Slipthe · 2022-03-28T14:16:55+00:00

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houstongradengineer · 2022-03-28T14:43:17+00:00

It was pretty obvious that I had never pleased a man before in my life lmfao. We talked about it beforehand, and I was much much more honest about it than he was. I think it's important to talk about the past, but "what's your number" ain't the way to have a discussion.

Karaokoki · 2022-03-28T14:41:15+00:00

My husband knows my count. My other partners don't, because they've never asked. I haven't asked about theirs, either. I don't go out of my way to avoid discussing it; it just hadn't come up because honestly? None of us really care.

I've never lied about my count to anyone, and it's obvious that I'm very interested in sex.

ex_red_black_piller · 2022-03-28T14:20:01+00:00

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Flightlessbirbz · 2022-03-28T16:13:45+00:00

No, and I don’t know his. We have talked about the fact that neither of us were the type of have a lot of casual sex, but agreed we didn’t need to know exact numbers or details. And that’s how I think it’s best. I just want to know the person I’m with is generally on the same page with how they view sex. Someone who viewed it primarily recreationally wouldn’t be compatible with me. Neither would someone who was really hung up about the fact that I’d had past partners and wanted to know exact numbers and “were they better than me?” kind of stuff.

In fact, as a 21+ adult I’ve never been asked my count. Seems to be more of a teen/young person thing, and nowadays I’d definitely see it as a red flag. We’re not cars, you don’t need to know my “mileage” and I don’t need to know yours. We just need to know what sex means to each other, is it primarily about notches on the bedpost or intimacy?

Orange_Paisley · 2022-03-28T14:32:22+00:00

He knows-ish. We’ve exchanged stories and anecdotes and such. I don’t know if I ever gave him an exact number, and he doesn’t even know for sure his own.

2022-03-28T14:48:28+00:00

He's never asked and it's never come up. To say I go "out of my way" to avoid discussing past partners would imply that it's something I wanted to discuss or that would naturally come up in conversation unless I made an active effort to suppress it, which isn't the case. It just doesn't come up. If he asked I would be honest.

Intelligent_Fan3132 · 2022-03-28T14:59:07+00:00

No because I don't know what it is.

CatchPhraze · 2022-03-28T15:21:06+00:00

It's 2. Him and my other ltr before him. So he knows because there usbt much to tell, but we never focused on it as a conversation.

2022-03-28T17:43:45+00:00

Seeing as we were both virgins, yes he knew my n-count

Feisty-Saturn · 2022-03-28T14:47:14+00:00

Currently single. But my ex of 3 years that I recently broke up with was aware of my n count. I didn’t know his and while he hinted it was high, he never provided me with an actual number nor did I care for a specific number.

funlightmandarin · 2022-03-28T15:40:45+00:00

Does your current partner know your actual n count?

He hasn't asked, so I'm assuming no.

If not did you ever tell them a made up number? Or have you ever lied to a previous partner?

Don't see the need to go to such lengths for a question that was never asked.

Do you go out of your way to avoid stories of past encounters i.e. ONS?

I wouldn't say I was going out of my way to not be socially autistic. I've probably mentioned an ex during conversations some time, but I don't see why anyone would go into depth about past sexual encounters beyond "are you clean" and "are you still fucking".

jumpoff24 · 2022-03-28T17:24:17+00:00

What’s a ‘n’ count?

sootlord · 2022-03-28T18:41:41+00:00

No, only because everyone lies and I stopped giving a fuck a long time ago

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-03-28T19:38:01+00:00

We do, but didn’t talk about it till years after we were married. We both knew we had been with other people before, we just didn’t care about it. It just happened one night with a bunch of our friends and a bit of buzzed conversation, that people started taking about “wild pasts” and stuff and so we started taking numbers. Turns out my number is a lot higher than she thought, and hers was a lot lower than I thought. It really didn’t matters at all, We just found it funny.

-ShesACarnival- · 2022-03-28T14:40:51+00:00

he doesnt know it because i dont know it and he never asked, we met in a bar and i slept with him that night, hes not under any illusions as to my high sociosexuality and he himself is high N and high sociosexuality (of course he couldnt wait to tell me his N). this has never been a thing in my life at all and ive lived with 4 men, engaged to one, married to one, not one has asked or cared

frankly he doesnt know anything about my life at all and doesnt care and neither do i. we mostly talk about him

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-03-28T14:27:46+00:00

My partner knows. Doesn't really have an impact.

mextreme10 · 2022-03-28T15:16:45+00:00

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mistresswhat · 2022-03-28T19:10:58+00:00

Yes. We know each other's and we both have very high numbers.

I've never lied about it to anyone because I want to filter out the men who would judge me for it. I do not respect those men and I don't want to waste my time on them.

afkawayrn · 2022-03-28T14:40:41+00:00

No. Most normal people don’t get off on obsessing over all the other people their partner’s slept with. It’s kind of weird.

Or maybe I’m just old and this wasn’t a thing back then.

YouAskedIt · 2022-03-28T14:24:33+00:00

He knows mine and l know roughly where his is at. Mine mattered to him for personal reasons not associated with promiscuity. I know that he has only had sex in serious relationships and there's only 1 ex of his that I haven't met. I don't know if he slept with all of them or not. It doesn't matter to me.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-03-28T15:33:04+00:00

I know his and he knows mine. Perhaps if we weren't friends and already knew each other's counts before we would've been embarrassed about it. But I never would've wanted to lie or avoid it.

chingness · 2022-03-28T15:45:21+00:00

Nope. Never came up. If he knew it wouldn’t upset him anyway. Same other way round

faptemp44 · 2022-03-28T15:46:32+00:00

Yes, we’re open to it and we both say 0

Kizka · 2022-03-28T15:55:17+00:00

Yep, we talked about it when we got together. His is about 3x higher than mine. He thinks I missed out and should have fucked around more 🤷‍♀️

2022-03-28T16:01:11+00:00

My partner knows. I’ve never felt a need to lie about it with any of my partners

Vohsrek · 2022-03-28T16:22:15+00:00

My previous boyfriend knew my n count. I initiated the conversation because I’m nosy & find it interesting, so I was trying to pry out stories of his past escapades. I casually mentioned mine but didn’t go into detail. He wasn’t interested in the conversation at all lol. I think he was worried I was going to be pissed hearing about him with other people, but like? Idk, I’m not a jealous person at all & genuinely wanted to know for shits and giggles. I couldn’t care less.

We were both very much on the same level with that. I didn’t care about him going out with his boys, I hate going out & like my alone time so it was a win win. Half the time he’d end up drunk calling me to chat because we missed each other anyway. He didn’t care about me going out with my girls, & I think he even found it amusing when I was approached by guys or offered free drinks. Didn’t care what I wore, who I was friends with, etc. He had girls from his hometown that he was close with and would hang out with when he was there, & that was perfectly fine. It was healthy.

I actually introduced him to some of my closest guy friends and they ended up being better friends than we were lmaoo. When you are in love with someone, you should trust them with your whole being. We were more concerned with keeping our current sex life healthy (I have a very LL and he had an extremely HL) than past relationships.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-03-28T16:41:53+00:00

I don't recall my husband ever asking for mine. I've never asked for his.

panascope · 2022-03-28T17:51:09+00:00

My wife and I each only had one partner before we met each other, so it wasn't a big deal.

philomexa · 2022-03-28T14:59:51+00:00

He knows, I lied up to give him the impression that I'm much cooler than I am. When he found out the true number (as it became obvious I'm not very skilled or cool) he was a bit disappointed as I'm not a "freak".

Play_Muted · 2022-03-28T15:00:26+00:00

Nope because we know it has absolutely zero impact on our relationship. I don’t even know about past girlfriends of his. We did STD tests when first dating and that was the end of it

Diddy_1978 · 2022-03-28T18:07:56+00:00

He didn’t ask, I didn’t offer, I wouldn’t make up a number, I never lied about it to previous partners, I occasionally talk of previous encounters, I don’t ‘act’ in either way

ButtsPie · 2022-03-28T19:22:45+00:00

My partner knows about all of my past sexual relationships!

I've never had any ONS so that doesn't apply to me, but even if I had, I wouldn't mind telling him. We are both very fond of honesty and acceptance, and don't see the point in hiding things from each other.

I've never hidden it from previous partners, either.

OfCatandPagan · 2022-03-28T20:25:17+00:00

I mean he's not my partner but I felt the need to be honest, honesty is the nest policy, and tell him I've had a boyfriend before and that we've been intimate but never got around to having sex.

2022-03-28T17:33:44+00:00

They taught me purity culture so I made sure they knew about every hookup I've had, just to piss them off

Novadina · 2022-03-28T18:32:05+00:00

I don’t even know my count, I didn’t keep a log. So no, I guess he doesn’t know, although I think I’ve told him an estimate before. But that was probably after many years of being together.

Or have you ever lied to a previous partner?

I have never lied to any partners about it, not a single man I’ve been with has ever asked. The only ones I told was when I was a virgin and felt that was important for a guy to know as I wasn’t ready to have sex right away.

Do you go out of your way to avoid stories of past encounters i.e. ONS? Or did you purposely act like you’re not as interested in sex to avoid coming off as promiscuous?

No, everyone I’ve been with has always accurately assumed I wasn’t a religious virgin and have had previous sexual encounters. I would never pretend I’m not interested in sex as sexual compatibility is very important to me.

flappy_the_penguin · 2022-03-29T05:03:50+00:00

I told the last woman I dated, and it's not something I feel I need to lie about. But maybe I shouldn't be so flippant about it. Is 15 a lot for a 29 year old guy?

Pola_Lita · 2022-03-28T20:29:32+00:00

Of course he does as I know his. We have discussed each other's sexual adventures at length and neither of us gets retroactively jealous.

I wouldn't commit to a man who was childish enough to think I didn't exist sexually until we met. I definitely don't think it of him.

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ashpr0ulx · 2022-03-28T21:15:33+00:00

I don’t know my partners count and he does not know mine. But we have talked about the sort of relationships that we have been in.

luliloo · 2022-03-28T22:29:32+00:00

I asked him for his number and he made a joke as to avoid answering. He didn’t ask me back.

I haven’t lied about it, I’d just not answer. Yes I do avoid talking about past guys.

ruboyuri · 2022-03-28T23:06:40+00:00

He’s probably forgotten. I’ve forgotten his; it’s like 3 or 4 (maybe?) but who cares

Reisiluu · 2022-03-28T23:38:04+00:00

Yes he does. I told him so he would know what to expect. I don't know his exact number.

ohdiddly · 2022-03-29T02:05:26+00:00

Yep, I’ve never lied about it. And I enjoy telling some stories about my sexual past 😎

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-03-29T05:18:07+00:00

No he has never ask

No I have not lied, I have nothing to be ashamed about.

I don’t discuss details of sex with exs in details as that’s disrespectful to them, but have had discussions about what we have tried and liked or didn’t like but not with who.

No we had sex on the first date as we both wanted to

NigelDweeb · 2022-03-29T08:59:24+00:00

No, never asked, never told

trettles · 2022-03-29T10:18:16+00:00

I vaguely remember having a discussion about it when I was a teenager, but no one has asked since then. It seems a bit pointless to ask someone in their 30s & would indicate some problematic insecurity for me.

2022-03-29T10:53:19+00:00

My husband and I know each other’s count. We both wanted to know. We were both virgins when we met, and we’ve been together monogamously for the last 9 years, so there’s not much prior to that to talk about.

King-SAMO · 2022-03-29T14:07:39+00:00

She knows the headlines, but the fact of the matter is that my youth was crazy enough that I’m not sure what the exact number is with any reasonable degree of certainty.

she low key hates that, and we avoid talking about it.

for the record, I know exactly what’s up with her past bc her twenties were not particularly crazy and I’ve known her for years and years.

VegetableRice7126 · 2022-03-30T15:31:30+00:00

I tell my gf what she wants to know. I tell the truth. It’s a rough truth. I ask her rough questions too. My life is a completely open book to her. We both have each others phone passwords. We both use each other’s phones sometime. I have nothing to hide from her. We become one flesh under God.

Sufficient-Parsnip92 · 2022-03-30T20:31:23+00:00

Of course he does! I dated other people when he and I were just friends and vice versa

Title	Do your partners know your n count?
Author	mextreme10
Upvotes	11
Comments	144
Date	March 28, 2022 2:10 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/tqa62k/do_your_partners_know_your_n_count/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-your-partners-know-your-n-count.1109818 https://theredarchive.com/post/1109818

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