Is "desperate guys don't get girlfriends" complete bullshit?

DarayRaven · 2024-06-10T02:00:52+00:00

If you mean "desperate"=motivated then yea guys who go out and do anything to get laid, eventually get laid

Gmed66 · 2024-06-10T02:09:09+00:00

Coming off desperate is a turn off but that only really matters when the woman is on the fence and not really interested to begin with. Otherwise, the desperation doesn't have much of a chance to show itself.

Hoopy223 · 2024-06-10T02:08:09+00:00

Its like anything else the more effort the higher the odds of success. Also those guys usually aim a lot lower as they become more and more desperate lol.

kongeriket · 2024-06-10T03:08:25+00:00

Depends on how you define desperate. And what you come off as.

If as a result of being desperate you try harder, pursue more and adapt more to reach the goal, then no, the saying is BS.

However, if you come off as desperate, then yes, the saying is absolutely correct.

In my country there's even a commercial with the punchline "girls sense you when you're desperate". They have an equivalent for women as well. Both were well received precisely because it rings true. And it routinely is true.

I actually envy those guys for being such coomers

This is a polarized thing. But the reality is a bit more nuanced.

There's a wide field of nuance between being a prude and being a coomer. Most people fall somewhere between these extremes. However, this is also not fixed. I enjoy and crave sex more today than I did when I was 17. In a way, I'm more of a coomer today, lol.

Human sexuality is like the graph of the Sine function. With ups and downs. No reason to over-think it.

whydogirlshateme · 2024-06-10T02:57:45+00:00

The term "desperate" isn't measurable under any circumstances. So yes, it is. It's just something that women say to gaslight men who are too ugly to be successful with women.

grown_folks_talkin · 2024-06-10T03:00:36+00:00

Guys that are extremely motivated, even if desperate and shameless, get something eventually as long as they learn from their mistakes.

Guys that are desperate and stuck on trying to win over one girl often get restraining orders and no pussy.

abnabatchan · 2024-06-10T10:09:08+00:00

the reason that these so-called "desperate" guys you're talking about are in relationships is probably because they've been persistent and tried a lot.

I have a guy friend who can be described as desperate because he constantly talks about how he'd love to be with someone, yet he barely tries to do anything...He just whines and thinks about it instead of actually doing something like working on himself, putting himself out there, and approaching people.

Incarnate24 · 2024-06-10T02:15:46+00:00

Contrary to popular belief persistence is very attractive to women. Neediness is not.

Spyro7x3 · 2024-06-10T02:10:43+00:00

I wouldn’t say I was ever desperate but I definitely got good relationships while being a total loser in life I guess I just didn’t project desperation but I was down bad on the low so yeah I think it’s kinda bs about being your best self to get laid I hooked up as a full blown heroin addict and I’m talking with girls who had no major problems and doing education

Positive-Quality1100 · 2024-06-10T02:52:29+00:00

Yeah, that saying doesn't make sense. Like you said, I have a friend who's always desperate to find a girlfriend. And he's eventually found some. They weren't good and it took him a lot of effort, but that desperation is real fuel when trying to find someone.

wtknight · 2024-06-10T03:05:07+00:00

In general, I don't think women like it when men act desperate. So I don't think it's bullshit at all. If a man knows how to hide his desperation and he's attractive enough, though, then his desperation might not matter.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2024-06-10T09:36:47+00:00

"Guys who don't get girlfriends become desperate" is correct order of cause and effect.

Now, reasons why they don't attract anyone may differ, but it's usually just looks.

Wattehfok · 2024-06-10T02:04:49+00:00

You're really going to have to elaborate for this to make a blind bit of sense mate.

How are your friends more desperate? What are they doing that's desperate and how did that get them a girlfriend?

sbstanpld · 2024-06-10T03:48:57+00:00

yeah, you gotta be tall enough and earn decent money, decent job and good enough personality plus social life… a combination of that

rich women wouldn’t marry the tallest, most handsome and funny dude working at mcdonals

Lanaglu · 2024-06-10T02:11:56+00:00

When people say don't be desperate they are talking about how your desperation makes you act, like creepy or overly pushy.

Someone who is desperate but has a lot of self-control and can act normal could potentially have success because they are motivated to seek out dates but they won't scare people away with their open desperation.

Could also just be unique to your group of friends or your perception of desperation. What makes you think these guys are desperate?

MistyMaisel · 2024-06-10T03:21:07+00:00

I would assume being persistent or relentless would yield success. It's often confused with desperation because it all looks quite alike on the face of it...but up close, you can see the differences usually.

Desperate treats every girl like she's the girl or the last girl ever. The last boat out of Hades. It has a very outcome dependent vibe.

Relentless doesn't make this mistake. It assumes success will happen if it just keeps persisting and going after new girls. It's generally quite outcome independent.

It's the difference between, "you are the girl" and "I'd like you to be the girl".

I personally find both off putting, but I recognize in a very fast moving setting (which I avoid) the latter comes off charismatic. The former pretty much works in zero worlds.

No_Hat9118 · 2024-06-10T02:09:36+00:00

No it’s the absolute truth

KayRay1994 · 2024-06-10T03:18:16+00:00

There is a lot of truth in it, but obviously it isn’t always the case. A huge part of dating is “right place right time” (or also wrong place wrong time too), so even if you are really desperate you could end up getting lucky and find someone you really connect with, or you could end up being unlucky and end up with someone who wants your validation and sees you as an easy target to manipulate.

Either way, while it is less likely to get a gf while extremely desperate, it still is possible as timing and the specific person you meet tend to matter a lot more in general compared to the act of just going out there and dating.

DapperDan1929 · 2024-06-10T05:43:01+00:00

This one one guy I work with. Tries to wear down every single woman his age who works there. Like religiously. Thinks it’s a secret but the women talk lol. Anyway he finally wore down the right woman and they’ve been together for almost a year now. Pathetic.

(Edit: grammar)

one_time_animal · 2024-06-10T05:52:44+00:00

I have no idea what we're talking about here, really need to define terms.

Because I would guess you're just confusing desperation for extraversion, and people that voice their opinion more and put themselves out their more which also is going to coincide with more social activities, more and larger friend circles.

The thought experiment has to be done with the same person with the one variable changed. This is also the best way to laugh at people that say women are still peaking in their late 20s because you take that same woman and look at her when she was 18 with no major weight/fitness changes and obviously 18 is better.

But a guy that is desperate vs the same guy that's not desperate? I have no fucking idea what you're calling desperate.

Eastoss · 2024-06-10T11:25:39+00:00

Desperate as in begs to women, yes they don't.

Desperate as in they actually move their asses and are low standards, and it feels desperate to you because you or bluepillers are very biased, then yes they get girlfriends.

What you call "coomers" are normal men with normal healthy libidos and normal healthy level of masculine behaviors. And last time I checked, women expected men to be men, so you should feel worried and ask yourself why is that you're not like them, and why you feel so satisfied of not being like them despite your lack of success.

pg_throwaway · 2024-06-10T12:43:28+00:00

I mean, I think desperation works because the guy will do whatever it takes to get a girlfriend. That said, desperate guys usually don't vet the girls they are with well, because they will go for the first girl that's interested no matter what her issues might be. It's better not to be desperate.

Sometimes you get lucky with a great girl, but other times you can end up with a girl that's equally as desperate as you, because she's got a lot of issues and most guys wouldn't stick around.

SecondEldenLord · 2024-06-10T22:24:42+00:00

If the desperate guys look hot, then it doesn't matter how desperate they are.

Randy_Vigoda · 2024-06-10T03:40:07+00:00

Learn to play it cool.

One of my best friends is a great guy. He's got a good job, good sense of humour, not ugly, but man he tries too hard.

f_lachowski · 2024-06-10T07:13:52+00:00

It's true that desperate guys don't get girlfriends, but people have the causality reversed. Men are desperate because they don't get girlfriends; the reason why they don't get girlfriends isn't because of their desperation.

ChadderUppercut · 2024-06-10T09:40:04+00:00

It's hard to be desperate when you're tall and handsome.

It's hard not to be desperate when you have a small D, are bald and short.

Now then there's guys who are red pilled 'holding frame' and acting high status despite not being chads. This can throw women off and each woman will then draw her own interpretation after the initial shock; she will either be disgusted and afraid because the guy does not know his place or she will be intrigued and assume that there is more than meets the eye to this guy because he acts as if he's used to people kissing his ass.

throwaway1276444 · 2024-06-10T12:46:42+00:00

I don't know what is desperate or not desperate. Just don't linger on a specific person for too long. Move on quick if you don't get a response.

As for meeting people. Basically you need to know, whose type are you, and where do these women congregate?

For example, I was a metal head with a variety of friends. I would never get any traction on nights out with my towny friends. These girls just were hardly ever interested in a guy like me. But when I hung around with other rockers. It was far easier.

So I learned to dress different for my towny nights out in order to make it work, but it still was never as good as when I was on a rock night. Mainly because I still couldn't stand out, because I enjoyed the rock nights far more.

Suddenly I fit the type that the girls wanted and they were my type too. So you need to find who is your type and whose type you are and make it match.

If you are attractive, anything goes, but for guys like us. You have to make the best of what you have.

RubyDiscus · 2024-06-10T14:20:53+00:00

What do you mean by desperate though?

And why are you so desperate?

No_Matter_8648 · 2024-06-10T15:28:45+00:00

Of course it’s bs. It’s a two tiered gaslight! See most of us don’t want obese women so they call us incels blah blah blah who only want muh super models.

Meanwhile any girl who is a 5 & up won’t date any guy who isn’t an 8. It’s called the Chad or bust era. Women in droves are saying they will die alone if they can’t have the top G!

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-06-10T16:46:40+00:00

You need to define how you understand desperation. I have never met anyone who needed love and relationships and was successful getting one without being a nightmare. I was the needy guy who was very motivated to get laid and get a gf and I did. But it was tremendous effort and the women I got weren’t quality at all. So yes, it probably works marginally better than staying at home and jerking off and never talking to females, but it is not the most effective method at all.

emorizoti · 2024-06-10T16:51:30+00:00

Most guys are desperate to get laid. Even those who got a girlfirend. Only rich people can afford sex at any time of the day when they want it. The difference is that most men learn not show signs of being desperate. Even guys who show that they are desperate can get a girlfriend, but it will be used against them. The trick is to learn that also women are horny, but they are more needy of the attention than sex. Men can go hours or days with recieving attention, and wouldn't mind if they get sex often. Women would go months without sex, but would also breakdown if they went for hours without the attention and would try to get that from other men if their boyfriend didn't show any of it during these hours. So, once both guys and girls learn to toy with sex and attention, they can hold the higher ground and control these desperate urges.

It is a yes and a no. Yes it is bs, because you can get laid in short term. No it is not bs, because it will be used against you in the long term.

Salt_Alternative_86 · 2024-06-10T19:28:01+00:00

If a guys desperate, there's a reason for it in the first place... But being desperate only compounds the issue, so it's certainly not doing him any favors and instead adding to the problem.

Ok_Landscape_592 · 2024-06-10T22:46:43+00:00

Did they have to settle greatly for these girlfriends or no?

Nihi1986 · 2024-06-10T23:12:40+00:00

Desperation can actually help a lot landing the wrong relationship or hook up, yeah... The advice is to keep higher standards and because confidence (and seeming to have high standards) is attractive, but ironically sending the signal that you are not succesful, confident or picky might actually help, yes.

Neptune-Jnr · 2024-06-10T23:17:40+00:00

Dating has nothing to do with if you're desperate or not. It's mostly about being in the right place at the right time.

petellapain · 2024-06-10T23:44:16+00:00

Just replace desperate with ugly and you have a universal truth

insert_quirky_name_0 · 2024-06-11T01:11:29+00:00

The extreme desperation would eventually force me to get laid or land me in jail.

Uh so are we all just glossing over this lol? If you're so desperate that you'd r@pe somebody then you're horrifically desperate, probably much more so than your friends.

princedune · 2024-06-11T01:43:29+00:00

Personality and behavioral traits have little to do with dating results

prizefighterstudent · 2024-06-11T21:36:29+00:00

All kinds of guys get girlfriends - fat, skinny, excited, depressed, rich, poor, handsome, even ugly. If you don't have one despite trying, it's because you have a combination of undesirable traits where desperation may be just the tip of the iceberg. You could also be unlucky.

I know desperate dudes who always have a girl. I know the chillest guys who can't get a date to save their lives. It's all about the combo and how they're perceived.

SaBahRub · 2024-06-10T05:02:57+00:00

As long as they’re hiding their porny thirst and not being impatient, they won’t repulse women

And they’re actually going out and putting in effort, which a lot of men are too scared or lazy to do

That’s how low the bar is

bubbagator · 2024-06-10T02:34:22+00:00

When people say desperate guys don't get girlfriends, they mean desperate personalities.

There's a difference between being desperate and behaving desperate.

SaBahRub · 2024-06-10T04:59:53+00:00

How is this desperation expressed and what kind of women does their desperation get them?

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-06-10T02:13:01+00:00

Do you feel as though you are more moral than your friends?

NewWorldColonizer · 2024-06-10T03:42:59+00:00

LMAO you’re a self-identified coomer. Maybe you just suck and are invisible to women.

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januaryphilosopher · 2024-06-10T06:46:20+00:00

I think a lot of men say they're desperate but aren't displaying it because they're not even asking anyone out or they did ask this one woman they had a big crush on and then gave up. If you're really desperate, you're actually trying, and eventually you'll find someone equally desperate if nothing else.

Kagenikakushiteru · 2024-06-10T02:50:23+00:00

Sitting at home pretending to be cool is unlikely to get you laid unless you’re good looking and rich like me. I literally have girls calling me up downstairs at my lobby on a few occassions. Normally they love it when I push their waist down and enter them

Title	Is "desperate guys don't get girlfriends" complete bullshit?
Author	Sufficient_Tradition
Upvotes	44
Comments	108
Date	June 10, 2024 1:58 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1dcad5w/is_desperate_guys_dont_get_girlfriends_complete/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-desperate-guys-dont-get-girlfriends-complete.1521093 https://theredarchive.com/post/1521093

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