It is possible to change?

ashpr0ulx · 2022-12-05T20:55:24+00:00

i think it’s possible to stop thinking about it, in the same way we suppress any other intrusive thought. if a thought is unproductive and makes me feel bad, i stop thinking it.

i personally would choose love over anxiety in this scenario, but if it’s not something you can deal with then you end things and live with the very real possibility of regretting that choice- because someone who really loves you for who you are is rare as fuck

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-12-05T21:11:07+00:00

It is possible but it's more a gradual thing that will happen as you get older and gain more experience of your own. It's not really something you can force.

northernlights190 · 2022-12-05T21:04:25+00:00

If this is something you want to work on because you think it isn’t serving you, then yes, it is possible to change. Not guaranteed, but possible. Working with a good therapist can help you learn to manage intrusive thoughts, and also explore and reframe the underlying feelings.

he-is-i-and-i-am-him · 2022-12-06T15:01:48+00:00

Bro, unless you're the best she's ever had, she will continually compare you to best she ever had. If you're comfortable with that stay

reeeeadnendn · 2022-12-05T20:58:30+00:00

I think the body count concept is flawed. Body count in of itself isnt an issue per say, doesnt make her a bad person. The issue with body count tends to be that if someones had so many partners but never settled down? Or they become so jaded by the opposite sex etc. try to take a look at her objectively, does the number of guys shes had sex with really matter? Hows the rest of her personality?

avoiding_a_stalker · 2022-12-05T21:55:42+00:00

You can decide it’s no longer important to you, yes. I used to care about body count a ton when I was younger but at some point, you’ve got to decide whether or not it’s important enough to give up potentially good things for. Maybe it is, and that’s okay. For you, it sounds like it might not be. Do some thinking on why it’s so important to you and if this woman is worth letting it go

NataliaCaptions · 2022-12-07T04:50:23+00:00

A male friend of mine was in your situation. He concluded that her kindness and love was more important than what she did in the past and that he, too, had faillings she was okay with. Imho a high bodycount isnt bad in itself, but you have to look at the reason behind that huge number. There is a wild difference between a "hooker with a heart of gold" who loves to fuck and a girl with massive redflags in her personality.

Good luck

CLyD3_H3ffalump · 2022-12-05T22:07:08+00:00

You're in an uphill battle here my guy, best of luck. Personally though, just wanna try and look out for another bro, there are gonna be other girls. Don't sweat it if you don't like the high n count. If you don't particularly care about family or Marriage than this seems like an ideal situation. You're free to be with the girl you like, and you can avoid the areas where her n count would work against your best interest.

scroggs2 · 2022-12-05T22:20:37+00:00

I've had this struggle and have gotten over it too. It's a question of being fair. If you can have sex with her, then why couldn't she have had sex before you? If it's very obvious and she's in your face about it then it makes sense if it bothers you. I had this issue because I thought it was this whole life-changing "spiritual" thing. When in reality it's two people having fun, and that's okay. You can't expect everyone to be a virgin.

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-12-05T21:24:35+00:00

yeah stop reading men on the internet and go outside

> I think it would have been better is she had just rejected me.

i mean you could send her this post and she will do that for you.

GG55222 · 2022-12-06T06:13:23+00:00

I think the reason you say you love her is because of the lack of options, is it really a choice? High body count is clearly a red flag to you so why would you want to be in a relationship with this person? Because it's the "best" option you have atm

ironmonki23 · 2022-12-06T01:22:05+00:00

Tbh dude no amount of love can make you that blind if her body count is high it’s going to be high for all time. See these are the choices we make because we think the shit is fun or we just wanted to get a “nut” off so to speak. But when we find that person that makes us the most happiest and we find out they fucked 20+ or even 30+ people is it our fault that we feel disgusted by them afterwards or is it their fault for not being accountable for their actions all for the sake of having “fun”. Sex is a privilege that far too many people take advantage of only to have others give in to these disgusting actions. Intimacy is for love not for lusting after some who doesn’t give a shit and will probably fuck someone else on the same night like you weren’t nothing to begin with

2022-12-05T21:09:13+00:00

Is the issue an insecurity thing or a fundamental sexual incompatibility thing? One of those you can work on and the other not so much.

I think what others have said, if you love her and it’s from insecurity that you feel that way, you could proactive some mindfulness exercises because it sounds like you are getting stuck on negative thought patterns.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-12-05T22:04:35+00:00

Talk to her about it and be honest. Tell her you love her and are working on it. But I think she should know

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-12-05T22:13:46+00:00

Relationship questions are kind of impossible imo because we don’t know you or your girlfriend personally, and even if we did we as a third party might make the wrong decision for you.

So on the one hand, the logical thing to say here seems to be that if this really bothers you that much you should break it off. Some things are important to agree on if you’re going to build a life with someone. This isn’t usually one that people struggle with like kids for example but maybe it’s critical to you.

On the other hand, there were plenty of things I was wary of when dating my now-husband, things that weren’t “supposed” to work, criticisms from other people that made me second guess the relationship. In the end none of that mattered. Every day you have to decide if the the benefits outweigh the drawbacks and then take another step forward.

syndactylity · 2022-12-06T16:28:13+00:00

Sounds like your values/base identity will not permit it

Think_History_5682 · 2022-12-06T22:14:15+00:00

I just went to Thailand in my late 20s now it's nearly impossible for any American woman unless she does sex for a job to out body count me. So now that I have a much higher body count I don't care.

BittererWegwerf · 2022-12-05T20:54:36+00:00

How do you know her bodycount?

AstuteBlackMan · 2022-12-05T21:45:36+00:00

As a red pill man I’ve learned the body count thing matters but really not as much. In the end a girl with 1 body can cheat on you whereas a girl with 3000 bodies can be extremely loyal. If I had to bet on which one is better probably the first but it’s not really the only indicator someone should look at when choosing a mate.

That being said, if it bothers you there’s nothing wrong with that but You should actively not work toward not caring and focusing on yourself and your life even if you do love her.

Ok_Scene_1799 · 2022-12-06T15:14:56+00:00

is there cure for hypergamy?

well not sure, but maybe is the same answer as: is there cure for men liking young pretty women?

maybe it's possible but it's more about our programming. going against your programming requires a brain effort...

IcarusKiki · 2022-12-07T23:25:19+00:00

Yeah if she is as enthusiastic with you and blows your mind in bed most guys can live with a slut. It's when she doesn't actively desire you as much that guys start getting irritated.

waffleznstuff30 · 2022-12-05T21:02:59+00:00

If she was honest and upfront with you that's a good sign that she is comfortable telling you this information. And if you know it and whatever. If you break it off it's self sabotage I think. Body count isn't a way to judge someone the only way to really judge someone is the behaviors and actions they give you now. Sure if she has 100+ bodies that may raise a red flag but higher than normal like double digits isn't something to call a whole thing off over.

What about body count scares you? And maybe look within yourself is to why her having previous partners is bad. As long as she is STD free and doesn't have a previous child those would be concerns I would understand. But just having sex with people before you isn't a big deal.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-12-05T22:03:30+00:00

I mean, it depends on what exactly is the issue.

Is the issue the idea that you're scared that she's had better sex? Then theoretically that depends on how well you can overcome your insecurity

Is the idea you think having a high number is a moral failing? Then probably not

Is the idea just that youre grossed out? Maybe

In the end you have 2 choices:

end it and stop worrying about it
go ahead, but only if you're sure you'll get over it. Because if you don't then you're wasting both of your time

thelightinmydarkness · 2022-12-06T00:19:30+00:00

What bothers you so much about her having had more sexual partners? Is it that you feel jealous, worry she will compare you, worry she will cheat, believe she is immoral?

I want to put this out there: if you guys both love each other, you may end up feeling foolish ruining this connection over something like that. We don’t know her, so we can’t give full input, but most people with high n counts are just regular people: not deceptive or malicious. However, if it eats you alive, for whatever reason, it may not be good for you to be in the relationship with her.

I know high n count women and men who are extremely loyal and I know virgins who have cheated on the person they lost their virginity to.

Paranoidexboyfriend · 2022-12-06T00:55:35+00:00

Oh yeah it’s easy to stop caring about body count. I cared about body count a whole bunch with my first girlfriend or two. After I’d fucked 20 women or so I basically stopped caring about it altogether

Individual_Guitar595 · 2022-12-06T07:42:38+00:00

Why would we change it? Those concerns are valid and it helps to filter out certain people.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-12-05T22:11:49+00:00

First off, caring about body count to some degree isn’t entirely unreasonable. I’d rather not date a man with an insanely high count either, since that can indicate maybe that person isn’t suited to monogamy. But in terms of getting over that illogical disgust part of it, the best thing you can do is to start making a real effort to view women as whole, complex people, just like you view yourself and probably other men. You also have to accept that you won’t always know everything about someone’s past and can either take them or leave them based on who they are now and how they treat you.

Probably the most important thing you can do is to get off of any Internet spaces where men obsess over this sort of thing, including this sub. Other people’s attitudes are highly contagious and build off of each other.

delight-n-angers · 2022-12-06T00:11:40+00:00

At this point, please don't take this the wrong way but, your red pill ideology has literally become a mental illness. It's become intrusive thoughts that are impacting your ability to function normally and appreciate your relationship.

You *know* that her sexual past has no impact on who she is as a person. You know that rationally because you are in love with her. She didn't change. Only your perceptions and thought patterns did. Her past is part of what created the person you fell in love with but you're having intrusive thoughts about her past.

It's time to learn how to stop intrusive thought patterns. I really recommend you seek out a professional therapist if you have access because it will be easier with a knowledgeable guide. But if you can't or just won't for whatever reason, look into DBT coping mechanisms. Here's a few to get you started:

https://declutterthemind.com/blog/how-to-stop-intrusive-thoughts/

anonymous-platypus1 · 2022-12-06T00:35:40+00:00

Body count definitely depends on timeline. Is this the day after a guy decided he was going to stop messing around? I’m probably not giving him the time of day. Has it been 6 months or so of him trying to seriously date? That’s different.

The same can be said about women who had lots casual sex in the past. Has it been a week since she decided to settle down? Or has it been a year? And her recent history shows proof that she’s wants something serious. Has it been 7 years if she was a party girl in college? Has she not had sex at all in the last few years?

All of this matters.

pseudonymmed · 2022-12-06T06:40:53+00:00

Think of it this way.. if she’s choosing you instead of her past options it means you’re the best out of all of them, if she had little experience before you, she wouldn’t realise how special you are.

baldman63636366 · 2022-12-07T13:05:24+00:00

Imagine the chads in her past and how excited she would have been to meet them. You won’t give her those butterflies pal.

West-Ad-9697 · 2022-12-06T05:24:49+00:00

Am I just the only one waiting for a woman to come over here and ask for reassurance that small dicks are ok? - from guys only?

Kids these days - looking for advice and going directly to the source that gives them the advice they want to hear.

Lumpy_Secret_6359 · 2022-12-06T07:53:56+00:00

If you’re repulsed by something she cannot now control, please leave her. she deserves someone who will accept her for who she is bodycount and all, and love her regardless. Not be lying next to her feeling repulsed by her. Go and find a naive low bodycount woman to be with instead

toasterchild · 2022-12-06T01:25:46+00:00

Of course, that is exactly what CBT is for.

Lanzienator · 2022-12-05T23:44:37+00:00

For the love of god, if you have the opportunity to find happiness with someone please don't let it pass you by. Unless you're going to make her life hell because if it in which case nevermind.

I can't relate to your struggle but I'm a woman with a high n count. Here's how I think about it: when I find the right one, I'll have enough experience to know how to please him.

Also there's no reason to be intimidated by these other guys. If she wanted to be with someone else she would be.

Demasii · 2022-12-05T21:50:11+00:00

Either do two things.

It's early. She hasn't developed any strong feelings for you yet. She can't be the person you want her to be. You should be over the moon in the beginning. You already having doubts before the relationship. Don't go for it.
You can disassociate sex from love, value and degradation. See it for what it really is. A physically activity involving another person. No different than playing basketball with another person. We all learn how to walk, cook, do the laundry to survive, etc. Sex is part of survival for the species.

countbogdan · 2022-12-06T10:57:30+00:00

If you're repulsed, then no. You would actually be a dangerous partner for her.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-12-06T12:33:09+00:00

Call it off now!

Because she deserves someone not questioning

Brilliant_Look4387 · 2022-12-06T07:52:09+00:00

No one cared about body count in the 90' or 00', except for extremely religious people. Well at least no one was shamed and discarded for it.

Men here want you to believe that caring about n count is natural, but that is a lie, it's completely cultural. You have been conditioned to care about this, you have been convinced to feel repulsed.

N count is just another tool to subjugate women and bridge their autonomy, don't let your love life be affected by an interests of this neoliberal conservatives.

Don't think of it a pleasure seeking behavior, because it often isn't, think of it as learning behaviour, which is a more realistic way to look at it.

SteelFox144 · 2022-12-06T00:22:31+00:00

Why do you even care in the first place? If she doesn't have and sexually transmitted diseases and she's not having sex with other men now, what difference does it make to anything? Unless you get married super young and manage to stay together for the rest of your lives, you're going to have to get over it at some point or you're not going to be able to date anyone.

I'd be more worried if she had never been with anyone else just because every time I've been with a virgin, she got all weird and borderline-stalker clingy after we had sex. You might think that sounds like a good thing if you're a certain kind of guy, but trust me, it isn't. It's like every little thing suddenly becomes a huge deal because you're supposed to be her perfect prince charming and she wants to spend every second of every day with you. It's probably not that way with every woman and the first guy she has sex with, but that's how it's been in my experience.

NoStrawberry8995 · 2022-12-06T01:48:16+00:00

Watch retro active jealousy videos on YouTube

neetykeeno · 2022-12-06T05:49:25+00:00

Is it possible to stop feeling revolted and anxious?

Idk about the specific situation because I've never been in it...but we regularly see people dealing with things that initially scared or revolted them. Someone hates everything about coffee it makes them gag but loads it up with milk and sugar and learns to drink it doing overnight shifts. Someone takes a job at a chicken processing factory, throws up first day and is just fine by the end of the first week. The new recruits learn to crawl in mud under barbed wire. Eating the first of the life boat members to die of hunger is hard for everyone but the eventual survivors are rescued casually chewing on bones.

Common sense says that human beings are capable of great adaptability if they have to or if they really want to.

Fabulous_Dependent19 · 2022-12-06T06:09:04+00:00

For me personally, every time I thought about it I would take a deep breath and think about why that doesn't matter to your current relationship. If they currently express values that are similar to your own then you shouldn't have anything to worry about

lovestocomment · 2022-12-06T06:19:37+00:00

Did you know of her being promiscuous? Does she have behaviors you would associated with a promiscuous woman?

If you don't see the sign, then don't waste your time and energy thinking about this stuff. Just focus on forming a good relationship.

Sauron_78 · 2022-12-06T11:41:49+00:00

Just don't let her talk about her ex-boyfriends, cut the subject immediately if she starts. This has worked for me. She will understand if she really loves you.

cowfishAreReal · 2022-12-06T06:03:50+00:00

Get rid of your insecurities. If she's been with a lot of people and picked you that means she likes you better than the other guys.

ohdiddly · 2022-12-06T03:01:26+00:00

Yes, retroactive jealously is something that can be controlled.

Shoddy-Donut-9339 · 2022-12-06T04:38:45+00:00

Yes. Enjoy a woman’s love and forget the body count.

My wife was the love of my life but I was not the love of her life. She still was worshipping a high school boyfriend who cheated on her with both of her best friends. Her loving her ex-high school boyfriend was OK with me because she gave me better love than I knew was possible.

My wife also had more lovers than I had and more boyfriends than I had girlfriends. It did not matter because she was good to me. Her love for me was real despite her past.

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Mrs_Drgree · 2022-12-05T20:52:26+00:00

[permanently deleted]

plutoworld666 · 2022-12-05T20:57:36+00:00

Yea me personally I don’t give a shit about a body count and I never ask. I just need to know how the woman is going to be conducting herself while she’s with me for the most part. But obviously if I know a girl who everybody has been with Im not dating her. But it’s not about a number. They just need the best character possible

Ok-Hunter-4227 · 2022-12-05T23:22:42+00:00

Oh wow

vivvienne · 2022-12-05T23:37:56+00:00

Well on the one hand if you are genuinely hung up on this, everything she does that makes you insecure will make you think of that point even if you thought you were okay with it the rest of the time. On the other hand, what have you got to lose really?

Shoddy-Donut-9339 · 2022-12-08T16:06:48+00:00

People that are in favor of appreciating high body count women are getting down voted in this thread.

Is that because being anti-high body count women is majority male opinion and Reddit is majority male?

Is it because being anti high body count is majority opinion of people younger than 25 and Reddit has a majority under age 25?

Is it because purple pill has a misogynistic majority?

It is nice to have enough karma 800 that I can afford to lose karma but I still need 1200 karma to post comments at Superstonk. I would have tried to save Superstonk people some money but I was not allowed to post.

Title	It is possible to change?
Author	countbogdan
Upvotes	20
Comments	247
Date	December 5, 2022 8:45 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zdj2uh/it_is_possible_to_change/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/it-is-possible-to-change.1142774 https://theredarchive.com/post/1142774

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