Men trying to make connections should stop caring about potentially offending women.

levgleason · 2025-06-15T17:00:35+00:00

I used to worry overly about making women uncomfortable by approaching them. I think it's a common problem, there are a lot of comics and memes and stuff online that paint being hit on as a traumatic and horrible thing. I had a conversation with a female friend about my worries and she just looked at me like I was insane and reminded me that 1: If someone gets offended by being spoken to, that's her problem, 2: Offending someone is not the end of the world, and 3: Girls get hit on so much she probably won't even remember me fifteen minutes later. It kind of put it into perspective. I don't worry about it anymore. More men should be aware that it's not a big deal whatsoever

ConsistentPieGuy · 2025-06-14T20:56:14+00:00

I don't want to boost women's ego or give them the satisfaction of rejecting me for the benefit of their own self-esteem. I'm done approaching women. They have never made me feel desirable, so why should I keep doing it for them? That decision means I'll be alone forever, and atp...it's whatever.

So sick of dating culture revolving around women and how much of a prize they are compared to us. Everything is all about how they feel and making them comfortable, and safe, and dancing like a monkey for their entertainment. Dating as a man is like putting women above us as if they are gods to worship. Seriously, fuck that shit.

DashboardPilled · 2025-06-15T06:51:21+00:00

Men aren't approaching women because they don't want to make them feel uncomfortable.

The real question is where approaching is acceptable in the first place. Unless you have faced any consequences for approaching the "wrong" woman, you won't understand why guys take a defensive position.

I knew a man who approached a woman in the club that they were attending (don't remember the exact hobby). He was very respectful, they already knew each other, he got a rejection and moved on. One day he is told by the club manager that he is not welcome anymore because he made women uncomfortable. In some cases, the club manager is going to be a cockblocking simp who would try to prevent members from hitting on women just so that he can have a better chance.

Have heard of similar stories where men were being fired by HR because they were acting "inappropriately" but in reality, they approached "with confidence", got a rejection, and then moved on. The HR calls, says that he has violated a company policy and he was fired.

The reality is women who are attracted to you will approach you, you don't need to do anything. It will be very obvious from the start. If you are not getting approached, you already have your answer as a man. You are always going to be the one chasing and simping. The party that approaches is always at a disadvantage because by approaching first you are signaling that you put yourself below her. Women understand this dynamic, that's why they almost never approach (unless the guy is at least a couple of points above their league).

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-06-15T05:36:50+00:00

This needs nuance. The whole PUA idea of just getting your numbers in and ignoring any discomfort you cause was always borderline sociopathic. The idea that cold approaches ever were, are or should be a major part of one's dating life is also dumb. Not how humans are built.

So men DO need to care about female discomfort. But also not be neurotic about it. And yeah, unless society as a whole can make some changes, then men will have to work in the environment we are in. OLD can be shit. Not as many bars and parties, sexualized in-person spaces for warmer approaches. Work can be a problem.

Individual men will simply have to adapt and overcome, or fail. The answer is clearly to focus on non-sexual social game. Cultivate your own non-sexual social skills. Create mixed gender networks. Host your own parties and go to those of your friends. Get enough of that going on and dates tend to follow, so long as you make sure these events have women in your league or you up your league. And yeah, you will have to up your actual sexual social skills game as well, but but if you cultivate a wide social network, you will get the opportunities to practice in environments that are not too dangerous.

Do I think this approach scales well? Not really. Men aren't built this way in general and do need help from formal social structures. But until/unless that happens, men are on their own and have to do their best.

BaldieMonkey · 2025-06-14T21:09:59+00:00

It's a mix of halo effect ; women brainwashed by years of political nonsense ; growin anxiety in the general population and selective observations.

The selective observation is that men who don't care about women will still approach and annoy them, which mean women will largely observe annoying approach and make a link between approach and bad behaviour, thus claiming they don't want to be approached anymore, making normal average men unwilling to approach.

The halo effect is that, if a man has an objectively adavantaging feature/trait, he will be well perceived no matter what he's doing, thus women will equal his attitude with respect and confidence, even thoguh he did the same as others, but he benefits from the halo effects, thus making women tell you to copy their bahviour, which would most of the time not be accepted for other men.

And that applies for "romantic" approach AND "friendly" approach, unlike what you read on the internet, making men even less able to enlarge their social circles, something that doesn't apply to women most of the time, thus making them unable to understand the struggles/problems.

Once again, the best solution would be women doing the approach, both for romantic and friendly encounters, but that ain't gonna happen ; so men will still struggle with their own anxiety ; their own awkardness ; the fact that the abse line is they are inconsiderate pricks and the fact that they have to overcome all of it a thousand time if they wanna change their situation.

FrodoCraggins · 2025-06-14T20:35:37+00:00

"And why did you get cancelled, Fred?"

"Well Ralph, I was trying to make connections without caring about offending women. Now I'm fired and lost most of my friends because of something I did on vacation in a city three hours away"

Gold_Sheepherder6569 · 2025-06-14T19:28:20+00:00

The problem with this is that, it is a good thing socially to consider another person's feelings especially if it involves asking them to do stuff for/with you. There is also the fact that you risk embarrassment if the woman flips out on you

Remarkable-Bird-4847 · 2025-06-14T19:56:49+00:00

It's not just about making uncomfortable. It's also about possible consequences. If your social circle is made aware of that, it could lead to disproportionate consequences.

Tylikcat · 2025-06-14T19:04:39+00:00

"Men aren't approaching women because they don't want to make them feel uncomfortable."

I think it's even more the case that men aren't approaching women because the men don't feel comfortable doing so. (Mind, I think asking random strangers out for a date is pretty uncouth - but talking to them and getting to know them is the way.)

Ill-Cook-6879 · 2025-06-15T00:44:11+00:00

Sometimes discomfort isn't the signal to run away from a thought at all costs it is the signal to observe that thought in oneself then think about the nature of that thought until thinking that thought no longer makes you unreasonably panicky...at which point other approaches usually become obvious.

DGenerationMC · 2025-06-15T21:33:12+00:00

Yes, I believe that's called overthinking.

If the other person doesn't react positively then they weren't gonna be right for you anyways. Nothing of value is lost, including your self-respect, unless you let it.

NataliaCaptions · 2025-06-14T20:06:32+00:00

Men don't approach women because the juice isn't worth the squeeze.

The top 10% male doesnt even have to approach, women do it on their own

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-06-16T09:09:35+00:00

Men aren't approaching women because they don't want to make them feel uncomfortable.

How do we differentiate this from men just coping with their insecurity? Lack of accountability.

Gilmoregirlin · 2025-06-16T19:06:33+00:00

Men aren't approaching women because they don't want to feel uncomfortable. There I fixed it for you.

CHIN000K · 2025-06-14T20:31:40+00:00

If it was worth it they would do it. At this point everyone's just spinning up their own rationalizations for why in ways portraying themselves as less at fault.

darthsyn · 2025-06-15T03:50:41+00:00

I think many men worry about offending women, leading to possible consequences with the law. Women can have men easily charged even when they have not committed a crime just for approaching them now. You have to be extremely careful.

KayRay1994 · 2025-06-14T19:14:53+00:00

No, men aren’t approaching women because “they fear making women uncomfortable” - men aren’t approaching women because they fear talking to women, rejection and so on - the truth is, many men have become very emotionally fragile and refuse to even acknowledge it. There is also a severe lack of nuance, the thought of knowing when it makes sense to approach and when it isn’t is replaced with “women say they don’t want to be approached at all. I won’t approach them at all.”

Minute_Criticism_844 · 2025-06-14T19:57:10+00:00

It’s fine to ask but you have to take the rejection. Which means no asking repeatedly or becoming aggressive or argumentative. You should care about making people uncomfortable in this way.

cutegolpnik · 2025-06-14T19:09:35+00:00

So women will avoid men even more than they do now.

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HalfwaydonewithEarth · 2025-06-16T12:07:11+00:00

You buy too much into this.

Us hotties go QUICKLY and are rarely single.

If we have a boyfriend we normally have a waiting list or rafters of men that we could transition into.

Almost no desirable lady is single. They get picked off quickly!

You folks are pontificating about the leftovers and how to approach them.

Former_Range_1730 · 2025-06-16T16:40:07+00:00

I disagree. Men should care deeply about avoiding offending women. But they should also recognize which demographic of women are the least likely to get offended, and approach those women only.

Caspero444 · 2025-06-17T01:28:20+00:00

Most men I've seen approach come up with some pretext to get a number. I would say the era of being overly direct with a complete stranger is long gone, perhaps by many decades. The problem is some are not skilled about making uo a pretext even in situations where it appears there is mutual interest

Maleficent-Prior-219 · 2025-06-18T07:24:34+00:00

As someone who has been falsely accused of sexual harassment (while active duty U.S. Army) by a female subordinate (and subsequently exonerated after a rather quick investigation)....I can understand why men may feel "skiddish" about approaching and/or engaging in causal banter with a women...

An age old adedge comes to mind.

Sometime the juice isn't worth the squeeze.

But as with all things....YMMV.

Quincy_Fi · 2025-06-21T11:35:42+00:00

Most successful interactions I've seen weren't cold approaches but just a normal social dynamic that evolved into a romantic or flirtatious dynamic. Well unless you're my brother, he gets approached often enough.

Puzzleheaded_ghost · 2025-06-22T00:21:33+00:00

The most important thing you will ever hear is that "the hungry never get fed"

People want to be on the winning team; lending, mating, and hiring are not equal or fair.

I hate the word "loser" - so much derision. I hate it more when it paints half a gender.

Yet, biologically, this is real.

One handy thing to understand is that you will exert more and more tension and emotion if you need a specific outcome. It's a woman's job to exclude you. Like a tigress, she can smell fear. After due diligence, you don't control people's opinions. If you're not trying, you don't get credit either. Do your best then just say fuck it. Enjoy.

The less you care about approval, correctness, the more free and worthy you feel, the less fucks you have to give.... the better the results. My personal experience. Now I put in the time in the gym, grooming, etc. Dont be stupid.

Those last two fucks to give?. Do extra credit instead for fun. Every. fucking. single time I got laid.

Fairness? Fairplay takes second fiddle to survival. Take it up with Darwin.

Fuckit. Now I have a "dad bod" too. LOL

ThucydidesofHellas · 2025-06-14T20:53:46+00:00

I think men need to get more comfortable in being a source of discomfort for women, within reason.

Basically, engage with women in a way that you can defend to a reasonable person. The nut-cases will continue to spread their insanity, but so long as you pay attention and go for what's compatible with you, you should be able to dodge the bullets.

Women need to better manage their more dysfunctional peers. Men need to be better at managing their perceptions.

When you're meeting a woman, you're setting the terms of how she will understand you. You can't get around women who are committed to demonizing or attacking you for anything you do. Just stay in a place with cameras and learn how to disengage.

One commenter said something about men becoming more emotionally fragile, and I think that's true. But I don't blame them or judge them. It's very understandable how we ended up in this cultural situation. But it's up to men to figure out what works for them.

Most women will not be partners in any process of finding a new balance.

Commercial_Border190 · 2025-06-18T02:46:47+00:00

Ah yeah the way that played out is insane. I will concede that since COVID a lot of ridiculous behaviors have seemed to increase and that would include stuff like this.

I'll admit to having a bit of a bias since real instances of harassment and assault are often met with dismissal and disbelief but then I'm still expected to show more empathy to these overreactions (which still seem to be the minority even if they have increased).

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2025-06-15T00:20:19+00:00

And the reverse is true. If a woman feels unsafe or bothered, she has the same right to whip out her phone or surreptitiously record and maybe even live stream a man who crudely interrupted her task.

Right?

harmonica2 · 2025-06-15T00:11:45+00:00

I stopped caring. When I was single I approached who I wanted to.

Loban8990 · 2025-06-15T01:30:49+00:00

Sounds like a trap

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-06-14T21:08:28+00:00

I am told that rejection is painful

Your_Mommy_Loves_Me · 2025-06-15T08:53:03+00:00

Who cares about in the first place? Show me these braindead morons.

midnight_blue77 · 2025-06-16T03:34:20+00:00

We are not worried about potentially offending women. We are worried that offended women can potentially destroy our lives with a false accusation or trashing our reputations online.

Title	Men trying to make connections should stop caring about potentially offending women.
Author	Clutterboxx
Upvotes	85
Comments	272
Date	June 14, 2025 6:48 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1lbfzsg/men_trying_to_make_connections_should_stop_caring/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-trying-to-make-connections-should-stop-caring.1554922 https://theredarchive.com/post/1554922

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