Question About the friendzone

My_House_on_Mars · 2025-09-29T01:27:27+00:00

The key is not diving into a pool without checking if there's water.

When friends start dating they send signals to each other, they flirt, etc. If you declare your love to your friend out of the blue, that's probably going to break the friendship.

If you are in love with your friend but there's no flirting back, then keep your feelings to yourself (if you care about the friendship)

Meallaire · 2025-09-29T12:39:26+00:00

When I was single, I only cared when my male friends treated me very differently after being turned down. I understood putting a little distance for awhile, I knew it probably stung -- I was even fine when they wanted to end the friendship. What upset me was the sudden vitriol from a couple of them. There was no reason to be cruel. Thankfully that was not always the case, and I even still have one of those men as a friend 20+ years later. He's married now, as am I, and neither of us care anymore that I turned him down when I was 15.

MoreCheesePlease8675 · 2025-09-29T17:26:17+00:00

I prefer to be friends first and see how things evolve naturally. To me it's weird getting into a relationship with someone I barely know.

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-09-29T00:58:38+00:00

It's not a contradiction.

I have a male friend that, early in the friendship, I asked if down the line, he would potentially be open to a relationship. He said no. We stayed friends. Simple as.

Women aren't upset that their friends have the interest in general, they are upset when the male "friend" immediately stops being her friend the moment the relationship door closes. It's a difference between "Date someone you've gotten to know" and "The 'friendship' only exists for you to get in my pants."

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-09-29T02:06:48+00:00

The key is really how long you are friends, or how close of friends you become before making interest in dating known, and also how you are going to handle a rejection if the other person isn’t interested. Because yes it’s a good idea to get to know someone a bit before you decide if you want to date them. But building a close platonic friendship and then one day springing it on them that you’d like more, is quite emotionally risky for both of you.

It’s best to figure out sooner rather than later if the other person is interested in dating. You’re also getting to know someone during the dating process, but the difference is you both know the intention is dating and can consciously decide if you want that or not. No surprises or misunderstandings.

p_fulga · 2025-09-29T01:36:09+00:00

I am very much of the belief that the person you give your life to should be your best friend, number one, confidant and companion. I've dated a good chunk of people I started out with as friends thinking that may lead to better relationships. Coming from that kind of background, I don't really see a problem with people being your friend, falling in love, and then asking you out. That's fine.

My issue is when it comes across like you see me as less than. Like if someone befriends me SOLELY for the aim to eventually reveal their ulterior motive, I feel like that makes them untrustworthy. I should have been told upfront. I don't want to date a schemer. Or secondly, if they find it impossible to continue the friendship then it comes across like you were only ever there for that. How much of me was actually liked for being me? It all just gets clouded with a sense of two faced-ness.

I.E. I recommend just.. like.. being honest. Be upfront. It might generate a little uncomfortability at the start but its gonna be better long term. And you keep a friend out of it even if it doesn't go anywhere romantically. Be willing to keep a friendship. And if it'll hurt too much? Then be honest with that and be open about coming back once you feel like you can. Communication is one hell of a drug. We evolved because of it so we better damn well use it.

RequirementMinimum36 · 2025-09-29T05:22:10+00:00

It isn't a contradiction; a lot of men prefer to stop speaking to a woman entirely than be in the friendzone, which women don't like because it means that they actually didn't have any value as a friend to those men. It's usually that afterward part, in which men either leave or keep pursuing, that women complain about, because they are being seen with no worth outside of sexual/romantic interest. The men that stay friends are great, nothing to complain about there.

Inevitable-Bite8660 · 2025-09-29T03:16:54+00:00

A good insurance salesperson builds light connections with lots of people. Then, they approach only some of them for business.

If someone doesn’t buy, they don’t immediately cut them off or get upset. They just keep the relationship going like nothing happened. And sometimes, that same person later introduces them to a new contact who is interested.

That seems like a mindset worth taking notes from.

onetimeuseaccc · 2025-09-29T04:22:37+00:00

There's a universe between "cold approach" and "pretend to be friends with women you want to date."

How did the warm approach disappear? Is it collateral damage from the general decline in social skills?

bluepvtstorm · 2025-09-29T00:42:35+00:00

The people that are my friends are usually people I have met at work, as part of a group, friends from school, an activity something. I think those people are my friends and that’s the bucket they are in. They will never be of romantic interest to me. They are all fairly attractive stable adults but they are friends.

I don’t like being approached in the streets because I am usually doing something.

I do a few dating apps but that’s not really my thing.

I mainly meet people at events where I am just out with people and having a good time or in airports. I meet a lot of people in airports because I travel a lot. People like to talk to me in lounges.

_weedkiller_ · 2025-09-29T00:58:35+00:00

I think you might be missing a crucial detail as to whether the man remains as enthusiastic about the friendship after the move is made and boundary set. If he continues to be your friend then fine. He likes you as a person and wasn’t just hoping for sex. If you considered him a friend, but now he knows there will be no sex he’s not interested in being your friend, well that’s offensive.

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Title	Question About the friendzone
Author	onetimeuseaccc
Upvotes	23
Comments	196
Date	September 28, 2025 11:55 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1nt3hyy/question_about_the_friendzone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/question-about-the-friendzone.1563047 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563047

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