Would you knowingly get into a serious long term relationship with someone who has a fetish for your type?

Gravel_Roads · 2024-08-31T02:25:31+00:00

No. I’ve had people pursue me for that reason and they never seem to talk to you like a whole person, and mostly all they want to do is talk to you about their fetish.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2024-08-31T02:45:25+00:00

First explain the difference between "fetish" and "preference".

SaBahRub · 2024-08-31T01:12:18+00:00

If you love the fetish and not me, I am easily replaceable

kayceeplusplus · 2024-08-31T05:11:07+00:00

Good question. I’ve been faced with this possibility before and it’s always really offputting and red flaggy to me, it’s an ick. I wonder if maybe I’m being too flighty. A preference is different and something I welcome, though the line between that and a “fetish” can be very blurry and unclear.

The main thing I’m worried about is projecting personality traits and assigning assumptions. If someone just likes my look and thinks my features are most aesthetically appealing, ok. But if they have an idea in their head about what I must be like, based on these traits they’re fetishizing, I don’t see that working out. I wanna be an individual and myself first and foremost.

InvestigatorIll6236 · 2024-08-31T07:18:14+00:00

No because people seem to make a lot of assumptions about me based on their fetish and it's gross.

No, I won't be their "goth mommy" and no, having autism doesn't make me their manic pixie dream girl.

wtknight · 2024-08-31T01:56:32+00:00

Yep. My wife had a white guy fetish and I had an Asian woman fetish. Our marriage has worked out great for many years.

Having a fetish doesn't mean that one can't like other things about that person, too.

operajunkie · 2024-08-31T04:42:17+00:00

No way.

Sunshine12e · 2024-08-31T04:56:26+00:00

Sure. As a blonde, did date guys who had a thing for blondes (or even blonde Americans). Whatever, men are going to go for who they are attracted to. Better to be with someone who is attracted.

Fabulous_HonestTea · 2024-08-31T02:11:34+00:00

Yes.

She can also say all the cringe-worthy shit she wants.

IcyTrapezium · 2024-08-31T03:24:57+00:00

I’ve been with men who had a very strong preference for redheads. It did feel like they were hell bent on making it work with me even when it was clear we weren’t compatible. I had a suspicion that was because redheads are rare and so they didn’t want to give up.

So yeah, I’ve knowingly done this before. Most (not all) of the men who pursued me relentlessly had a very big thing for redheads. As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized those men often projected a fantasy onto me. Everyone does this to new partners to an extent, but these men often saw only what they wanted to see. There are pros to that: they’re loyal and attentive. There are cons to that: they don’t really see me for me.

studentOfWisd · 2024-08-31T03:33:17+00:00

Perhaps, but many physical attributes change with time. A relationship has to be build on more than just physical attraction

PiastriPs3 · 2024-08-31T05:28:27+00:00

Yeah. I went out with women who had a mixed race fetish. I even pretended I was Brazilian at one point to impress some girl who was really into Brazilian culture and men. Yes, it was cringy but I got I laid.

DJ_Dialga · 2024-08-31T05:37:01+00:00

Yeah why should I care if it’s considered a fetish for me, he’s attracted to me and that’s what matters.

Fair-Bus-4017 · 2024-08-31T10:57:01+00:00

I would have no problem with it if it wasn't the only or main reason why. Like I want my partner to find me sexually attractive but I don't want this to be the main reason our relationship is built on.

bluepvtstorm · 2024-08-31T11:15:30+00:00

No, it feels terrible. I have had white men date me because I’m one of the good black girls. The not too ratchet ones. It’s a curiosity and I got tired of trying to explain my lived experiences to them.

That’s now one of my first questions, have you dated someone outside your race before. If the answer is no, then they aren’t a good match for me. Way too much emotional labor.

FrameWorried8852 · 2024-08-31T17:54:06+00:00

As a man oh yea.

HappyCat79 · 2024-08-31T03:23:02+00:00

Um, yes!! I want to be my man’s fetish, and I want him to be mine! That can’t be all it’s based on, but that’s important to me.

DoinIt989 · 2024-08-31T01:36:02+00:00

Yes.

Ripley_Riley · 2024-08-31T19:51:02+00:00

Being desired for something intrinsic to me sounds nice actually!

If we don't gel then we end things, but I see no reason not to let this person who is deeply aroused by just me being me date me.

IdiAminD · 2024-08-31T06:40:24+00:00

It depends - my first gf had fetish of my... hips. I do not have any fat on hips, its just bone and skin, she was literally crazy about it and touching this place was halfway orgasm for her. My wife has fetish of hard chest muscles, its the same - she is touching me there and not much more is needed. For me it's rather just funny. But i would have objection of getting married to a girl that is strongly into white guys. I've got 'this' kind of attention from my Asian coworkers combined with them openly shitting on Asian men(they claim Chinese guys are drunks and cheaters), i would not go for such woman, i feel like they have some image of white men in their head that is pretty much made up.

Big-Accountant4923 · 2024-08-31T13:17:08+00:00

Yes 100%

sweetestpineapple · 2024-08-31T14:11:13+00:00

Fetish? Eh, probably not. Strong preference? Yes. I like being the guy’s actual type, not someone outside his type that he’s willing to settle for. And vice versa.

VWGUYWV · 2024-08-31T23:22:17+00:00

If it was just a strong preference, then 100% and that’s ideal. If it something creepy and like I don’t matter just my characteristic, then no.

But I would 200% not date a woman that has a strong type and broke it for me. For instance, a woman that only dated Latino men for 20 years and has a serious thing for them, and I’m the first guy of European descent they’ve dated. I’d assume eventually they’ll leave me for or cheat with their more common preference. This also applies to women that always dated bad boys and then decided to try to date smarter and pick me. Nope, you’ll be side eyeing dudes with face tattoos while we are out.

EulenWatcher · 2024-08-31T01:21:41+00:00

Nope, I want a person to like me, not my phenotype or hair color. But we're talking about a fetish, something that a person is obsessed over and they can't feel sexual desire for a person without this trait. I'm fine with preferences.

False-Purple3882 · 2024-08-31T04:18:49+00:00

No that’s weird. I’d assume they don’t actually love me and just view me as a sex novelty thing.

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-08-31T02:43:31+00:00

Most men would say yes.

If they like Ryan Reynolds looking jacked dudes, then sure. All for it.

Savings-Bee-4993 · 2024-08-31T03:00:36+00:00

Sure, as long as they loved me and sought to cultivate wisdom and excellence.

SDW137 · 2024-08-31T03:01:29+00:00

Yes, if I found her attractive.

Proudvow · 2024-08-31T03:59:17+00:00

Yes.

It's actually infuriating to not be anyone's fetish. Like I'm never gonna be wanted for anything inherent about me and it's always gonna be based on situational status or performative bullshit.

Women don't know the feel.

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flipsidetroll · 2024-08-31T05:05:09+00:00

If they wanted a long term relationship with me, then it’s not just a fetish. I’m tall, so if he only wanted to climb me like a tree, it’s a fetish. But wanting more, then it’s not. And what is the difference between a fetish and what you are attracted to? Seems like it’s just a stupid word for having a “type”. Why shame people for having a type?

missionarymechanic · 2024-08-31T06:10:04+00:00

If we're going off the normal definition of "fetish," let's also assume that this is an indelible trait that does not diminish with age. In which case, there's really no negative for me that someone requires "basic bald white dude" for sexual gratification. I'm happy to supply.

So the real question is if I would get into a relationship with someone who objectifies me on the basis of racial markers OR rejects those who do not have them... Probably not:

Assuming mixed race, our children would split the difference of our racial markers or would be overriden. My gray eyes and dirty blonde hair coloration (for when I still had hair,) would be overridden by brown eye/black hair genes. Would our children be less lovable to her, because they wouldn't match her type? Halfway lovable?
Regardless of her background, would she teach our children unjustified prejudices? Would they pick up on it anyways?
If I wanted a relationship that's only skin-deep, where who I am is immaterial to the other person, and likely lacking due respect and consideration, I could just work a service job.

This isn't entirely theoretical to my situation. I am of noticeably foreign ethnicity in my new country and of generally paler complexion. It is a near universal constant that paler skin is considered more attractive. Also, being American, it comes with the connotation of being rich or whatever.

It does me no harm if what I am catches someone's attention. But, if who I am is unimportant, or if it comes with self-hating biases (like a woman who patently refuses to date men of her own race,) then that crap gets resolved, or I would resolve to end the conversation.

(Fair warning. Do your homework. It may not be immediately obvious that you are an interchangeable object to someone else. Ask questions and pay attention, particularly when the other person is not the very "type" they are looking for, or it's a fairly exclusive history.)

januaryphilosopher · 2024-08-31T08:05:32+00:00

Not a fetish. I don't mind if they have a type. For example they may prefer gingers and think ginger hair looks nice, but it's not the only thing they care about and they'd still date me if I wasn't ginger. I want them to actually like me and for us to get along, I want our relationship to be more than sexual, and I don't want to be left for someone else with the same characteristic.

abaxeron · 2024-08-31T09:33:29+00:00

Would you knowingly get into a serious long term relationship with someone who has a fetish for your type?

Don't know.

If someone has a fetish for your type, would that prevent them from ever truly loving you?

Don't know.

Why or why not?

I am average enough to fall out of most people's exotic type. I can imagine this factor being a problem; I also can imagine such relationship working. I have not been in such a situation, I have not enjoyed it because I have never been in it, I have never terminated it because I found it unbearable for the same reason.

obviousredflag · 2024-08-31T13:20:42+00:00

Define what you mean with fetish. Because it's not what a fetish is. Unless you mean by "type" the way my foot looks. I think what you talk about are sexual preferences, maybe a kink, but not a fetish. Of course, my long term partners want to be "my type", matching my sexual pereferences. And of course, i pick my LTR partners to match my preferneces and kinks.

Key Characteristics of Fetishes

Intense Focus on a Specific Object or Activity: A fetish involves a strong sexual attraction to a particular object or type of stimulation. This could be an item of clothing (e.g., lingerie, leather), a body part (e.g., feet, hands), or even specific materials (e.g., rubber, silk).
Sexual Arousal and Gratification: The object of a fetish is often required for sexual arousal or to achieve orgasm. For some individuals, the fetish object or act is more arousing than typical sexual activities.
Recurrent and Persistent: Fetishes are not fleeting interests but are recurrent and persistent over time. They are a consistent part of the person's sexual preferences and fantasies.
Non-Typical Sexual Focus: What distinguishes a fetish from general sexual attraction is that the object or focus is not usually considered sexual in a broader social context. For example, while being attracted to a partner's body is common, having a fetish for feet or a specific type of shoe is more specific and less conventional.

Types of Fetishes

Fetishes can be categorized into several types based on the nature of the object or scenario:

Object Fetishes: Attraction to inanimate objects, such as shoes, lingerie, leather, or latex. The object itself becomes sexually stimulating.
Partialism: A type of fetish focused on a specific body part, such as feet, hair, hands, or armpits.
Behavioral or Scenario-Based Fetishes: Attraction to particular behaviors, actions, or scenarios. This could include voyeurism (watching others), exhibitionism (exposing oneself), or specific role-playing scenarios (e.g., dominance and submission).
Material or Sensory Fetishes: Attraction to specific materials or textures, such as rubber, silk, fur, or leather. The sensory experience of these materials can be arousing.

Difficult_Falcon1022 · 2024-08-31T13:44:52+00:00

Preference would be fine. Fetish would not. Although the devil would be in the detail. I am a brown woman and I do not do raceplay and I need to feel safe with a partner, if I felt overly fetishised I don't see how I could feel safe, much less sexually interested.

DeJuanBallard · 2024-08-31T14:53:31+00:00

Only women have an issue with this and often only men receive any downside from dating a person with a "fetish" for their type.

Don't believe me?

Google any ferish that exclusively includes men and is built on a heterosexual dynamic.

DankuTwo · 2024-08-31T17:53:44+00:00

I have. My last ex pretty much exclusively dated Americans, with some vague preference for the West Coast (where I’m originally from).

Didn’t bother me. I’ve dated a few people who were in part attracted to me because of my identity (mostly I think it is the accent….people grow up hearing it in movies, but not hearing it in day to day life so it becomes exotic, yet familiar at the same time).

apresonly · 2024-08-31T19:16:57+00:00

Nope. No chance it would turn out well.

I don't like men with fetishes, i want someone with healthy sexuality.

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-08-31T20:44:08+00:00

No, but I think sometimes the definitions of “fetish” and “preference” can get a little mixed up and blurry. To me, fetishizing someone means you’re not really seeing the whole person, you’re just abnormally fixated on one particular aspect of the person.

For example, there are a lot of things about me my partner prefers and a lot of things about him prefer, but neither one of us has one specific thing that we’re super fixated on or “makes or breaks” our attraction to each other.

DennistheMenace__ · 2024-09-01T00:48:06+00:00

no. unless its just a preference

kalashhhhhhhh · 2024-09-01T00:52:33+00:00

Depends on the fetish.

I'm a Slavic Balkan girl and if that was the source of his fetish I'd run because I don't like the stereotypes about us and I actively try to be the opposite

19whale96 · 2024-09-01T01:55:17+00:00

FUCK, NO. Not even for a night. It's like they cover you in a tarp and decorated it with all the things they really want. You can be staring them point blank in the face, making eye contact. They're not looking at you.

Unable_Evidence_4028 · 2024-09-01T03:51:23+00:00

Sure. Why not?

Anon060416 · 2024-09-02T18:34:25+00:00

I have. It was fun. Didn’t work out for other reasons though.

LordHaveMercy1999 · 2024-08-31T02:33:55+00:00

Yea , I don’t care.

Unique_Mind2033 · 2024-08-31T02:54:33+00:00

I wouldn't want to and I will tell an anecdote why

I was staying in a mans backyard, an ex marine, because I was suffering in he throes of a psychotic break. Rather than allowing me to be homeless due to lack of monetary resources he gave me a tent and even shared his storage container which was like military storage and barracks. I took his phone consensually to call someone... and saw in the browser just dozens of tabs of pornography with all women and girls who looked a lot like me. It was extraordinarily confusing and overwhelming I had no inkling that any human being would do that. I didn't even comprehend what I was seeing

But I shaved my head immediately afterward

It may have taken me weeks to understand what I saw! I just didn't know anything about the way men are. And I don't understand types because we are supposed to love souls. So why should it come down to color shape and size? It degrades the individual by a lot

Unique_Mind2033 · 2024-08-31T02:49:32+00:00

I once took a man's phone, who was "helping" me through a psychotic break and saw in the browser just dozens of tabs of pornography with some people who looked vaguely like me. It was extraordinarily confusing and overwhelming I had no inkling that any human being would do that

It may have taken me weeks to truly process what I saw. It was a terrible misstep. No wonder I felt so alone and suicidal

random_user00098 · 2024-08-31T11:16:29+00:00

A woman with a breeding fetish would be my dream.

PinchRunners · 2024-08-31T02:45:36+00:00

shadowrangerfs · 2024-08-31T12:49:51+00:00

Depends on what you mean by my type? If it's because I'm fat, then no. I want to lose weight. If it's because I'm black, sure. There are a ton of other black guys a woman could date if she has a fetish for black men. She chose me for a reason.

fiftypoundpuppy · 2024-08-31T15:45:24+00:00

No. A fetish is as objectifying as it gets. I don't want my most trusted partner to ever think about me in that manner.

For example, my ex is Jewish and most of my friends are as well. I absolutely have an affinity for Jewish men. But it's more like a strong bonus than an essential trait. I've been strongly sexually attracted to non-Jewish men as well. I don't look at my ex in terms of his race or ethnicity. At this point I've known him over half of my life. He's just --his name--, and that's what --his name-- looks like. And I know he doesn't look at me in terms of "black woman," this is just what --my name-- looks like.

I strongly doubt the ability of fetishizers to intuitively put the person before the trait. I think people who fetishize human beings put their arousal before the person - especially men, given how penis-focused they apparently are. And that's not someone I want to trust more than anyone else on the planet. I want and need to be a human first.

Title	Would you knowingly get into a serious long term relationship with someone who has a fetish for your type?
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	11
Comments	141
Date	August 30, 2024 3:57 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1f4yt35/would_you_knowingly_get_into_a_serious_long_term/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-knowingly-get-into-a-serious-long-term.1528912 https://theredarchive.com/post/1528912

Comments

Key Characteristics of Fetishes

Types of Fetishes