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JosephND · 2021-12-25T22:56:29+00:00

If you’re uncomfortable with it, go with your gut and take a step back to analyze what you want and if that vibes with the situation

Don’t listen to people on here giving blanket advice about just shutting up and accepting it

lio94 · 2021-12-25T21:58:50+00:00

If its bothering you move on and find another woman. No need to justify why you feel a certain way. Some will tell you she fucked around too much and she isnt trustworthy. Others will say it does not matter its her life she could do whatever she wanted. Do what feels right to you personally. If you rather not be with her dont feel bad about it, same if you do want to be with her, be honest with yourself.

TrumpsFactChecker · 2021-12-25T20:21:44+00:00

Been there, you have to either accept that it was in the past before you guys met and let it go. Or it's going to keep eating away at you.

My advice is to let it go and accept that it was before you guys met. I made the mistake to keep asking, which in the end only fed insecurity.

intensely_human · 2021-12-25T20:46:19+00:00

Look at it this way, she knows what she can get out there and she’s still in a relationship with you. You can’t really get that same wild thrill and still be in a stable relationship. Sounds like she understands that though and prefers being with you over being single

letmereaddamnit · 2021-12-26T00:19:50+00:00

She prolly fucked Hella dudes my guy

ChadCyrus · 2021-12-25T21:30:05+00:00

It's fine that she's had lots of experiences. But it won't do well on your conscious as long as you feel insecure about it. Sounds like you need to experience more of the dating pool before seriously dating someone who has a dense past.

A lot of guys go through this, realising that their female partner has experienced a lot more even though they're younger. If you're insecure I recommend you break up. Otherwise you'll only turn to resentment towards her and it'll lead to a nasty end.

norwegiandoggo · 2021-12-25T20:25:12+00:00

You're feeling insecure and jealous. Now you know what you're feeling so you don't have to be confused anymore.

lana_del_reymysterio · 2021-12-25T22:01:36+00:00

Here's what I'm curious about, what's changed for her in a year that she would be receptive to a relationship with you now but not a year ago?

Especially since she said you two wouldn't have happened a year ago

ChangeMindstates · 2021-12-25T22:11:00+00:00

Dont date shordys that are ran through, but eh maybe that's just me🤷🏼‍♂️

Grouchy-Banana2246 · 2021-12-25T22:18:51+00:00

Don’t cave into this hive reddit mindset, girls come with a lot of maintenance issues and psychological issues who are ran through ( soul ties, attachments, validation, etc ), jump ship bro.

willgo-waggins · 2021-12-25T22:22:44+00:00

You can either handle this or not. And the fact that you are posting this here tells me definitively that you cannot handle it.

I would say that you should bring the relationship to a close by being honest and saying that you aren’t ready to handle that.

And this also lends proof to what I say constantly here that there are things like that that should not be shared in a relationship because somebody always gets but hurt even though YOU WERE NOT IN THEIR LIFE THEN and it had nothing to do with you now.

aidsjohnson · 2021-12-26T05:41:33+00:00

I think you’re reading too much into the giggle lol. You should be happy that she’s being pretty open about that shit with you. There are a lot of girls who don’t know what they want or are too embarrassed to talk about shit.

I actually think her communication level is pretty damn good. It’s not like she’s some hypocrite who is regretting her decisions and making lies up to cover things up or whatever, she’s telling you straight up, this is what I wanted in the past, and this is what I want now.

AK1010 · 2021-12-26T02:15:10+00:00

She belongs to the streets playa

ConsciousnessProject · 2021-12-26T03:58:58+00:00

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gabowashere · 2021-12-25T20:53:53+00:00

Get out now! Listen to your gut. The red flags you ignore now will be the reason for your break up later.

HorusCok · 2021-12-26T02:22:19+00:00

She had a lot of fun riding the CC and thinks its cute. I'd bet real money this young woman is going to have a real challenge with commitment and monogamy. I'd look for her to cheat on you in less than a year.

RoseTinted64 · 2021-12-26T05:11:48+00:00

She is testing you. Don’t take the bait (i’m guessing you already did). You have two options : 1) Don’t care (this can’t be faked). 2) Keep her as a plate, and pursue other women in the interim. Your very young, I recommend you casually date her and other women at the same time. Women test men like this all the time. There is a good chance she was absolutely pursuing something with emotions but couldn’t find it, then you came along. Women test men like this all the time. She wants to know if a promiscuous past would bother you, not because she wants to know you care, but because a man who is bothered by this is by default a lower value than her.

lelucif · 2021-12-25T21:36:30+00:00

She’s been the town’s bicycle. Don’t let the hive mind of Reddit try to shame you for not liking that. You should probably dump her

nasri213 · 2021-12-25T22:34:17+00:00

Seems like you are afraid of falling inlove with a "slut" if she had a wild past nothing would stop her from going for it again

Santa1936 · 2021-12-26T02:00:45+00:00

Yeah this is why I don’t tread down that area. I also have a rule about never asking a girl about her past sex life.

No matter how much males think they were wild crazy etc. I guarantee females have done way more. Even/especially the one’s they think are all quality, not like a “kardashian”, instamodel, onlyfans.

I know a girl that acts all sanctified and when I was in the military her and another new girl had a train. Someone recorded it. She also sucked a coworker off under a table in a crowded club.

I know a girl on FB who acts holier than thou and put on a show for her fiancé. I’m sitting there watching. She went through a bbc phase. Did things with me (mixed with black)... Got away from her cause cause she was crazy. Then pretty much every brotha within “network” smashed. Then she expanded to pro athletes. Then the phase essentially ended. Her man has no clue. Her sister knows. Her family knows about the last guy.

One of my ex’s did some shit and I never asked about it, there were signs and I chose to ignore them. She has a kid and a tattoo that looked like it was a coverup of some past shit. I noticed a lot of things.

The most “classiest” females have done some shit. I’ve done that shit with them. Others have as well.

Fucked up part is how they make a certain dude work for it. Along with taking the baggage. When they just give it away to others.

Realize that females tend to show the image they want you to see then later on when they got you, they show you the real shit. And they’re artists at it.

So either accept she’s done some shit in the past and let it settle there because hopefully she’s a different person now.

Or if you can’t and you’re still with her, eventually it will consume you.

backhone · 2021-12-25T22:23:49+00:00

I am not giving advice. But I will do "Leonardo DiCaprio" on her. I will date her till 24 and then I will find another one. Honestly she just gave a strong reason not consider her for any long term commitment - marriage is off the table. Trust me whatever number you have in your mind , multiply 2 at least. Any way have fun next 2-3 years.

mac754 · 2021-12-25T22:04:23+00:00

I think too…I haven’t read what others have wrote but I’m sure it’s crap…I think that given your age, it’s definitely a conversation that tests your experiences. At this point, you can choose to recognize that for the most part every partner you have will probably have a sexual history of some sort and that not be you. You can choose to take it in stride and perhaps verbally (politely) express that it makes you uncomfortable to hear those stories.

…or you can lose control and the girl by choosing not to be cool, understanding, and self controlled.

purplelirpa · 2021-12-26T08:20:42+00:00

Sounds like you're detecting something in her laugh that feels uncomfortable. This could be for a lot of reasons, laughs do change context and signify something intangible. Some possibilities: her masking embarrassment after oversharing something she isn't actually confident about, her having no respect for yours or anyone else's feelings and finding that funny, her worrying that you won't like what she's saying so she's changing the tone of her response to make the delivery more palatable to you, her being amused or proud of past behavior, her being frustrated by lack of easy nsa sex in current life.

There are so many more scenarios I can think of from personal history and what a laugh means for different people. The point is, it means something and you feel something in your gut that doesn't feel right. She may be an honest person or she may be being deceptive about her wants and needs. I think with time, just let yourself be okay being uncomfortable with the uncertainty. Whatever you're picking up on shouldn't take too long to become clear with enough context.

backhone · 2021-12-25T21:15:51+00:00

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Noblejunior · 2021-12-25T20:24:48+00:00

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zystyl · 2021-12-25T22:38:02+00:00

People laugh from awkwardness as well. She could be simultaneously enjoying her past while also being like “damn you really did that” and is now in a different place. Coming from my experience with drugs, I’ve had partners ask me about my past and I would briefly revel in my debauchery, but I was also ashamed. Now the only caveat I add is that I’ve reflected on my past, but I have also fumbled and had a few benders since quitting my bender days. She could do the same... that’s something you’ll have to gauge on your own, I can’t do that based off of just her words

TheOffice_Account · 2021-12-26T01:52:58+00:00

she was looking for something without emotions and that phase worked really well for her(with a mild laugh)

That laugh is weird, and I can see why you're focused on that. In addition, if I were you, I'd be thinking what kind of person looks for "sex without emotions" (in your words). I know there are people like that everywhere including some of my acquaintances, and no judgement there, but I'm just not romantically compatible with them. They have far different values as compared to mine.

You've learned new information about her. Now you've got decisions to make.

2021-12-26T04:41:58+00:00

Be confused all you want - every modern young woman has this phase and for many it lasts most of their twenties.

HappinesSource · 2021-12-25T20:30:21+00:00

I'm also confused, are you asking how to seduce her so that giggle comes up when she thinks about you two having sex last night, or is this just about your insecurities?

AssistanceMedical951 · 2021-12-25T23:09:54+00:00

People often laugh at surprise or discomfort. She shared a truth that many would judge her harshly for. She has to know that you might judge her harshly for her previous promiscuity. Hence the uncomfortable giggle.

the_big_sad66 · 2021-12-25T23:23:19+00:00

go talk to people in your life you genuinely trust. Go see a relationship counselor. Don’t really take advice from a bunch of random people on the internet.

ExquisiteGrowth · 2021-12-26T02:06:36+00:00

If you guys weren’t talking at the time how could she have known to reserve herself for you? Life provides a different prescription at times and I think you should be glad that you found her at the time that you did.

2021-12-26T06:23:02+00:00

Its crazy how we generalized being a hoe as a good thing...I remember when no one wanted to date the hoes and just smash and dash...

The giggle and the unnecessary details have a lot of gross disrespectful vibes to me. I would have cut her off

FaithInStrangers94 · 2021-12-26T06:44:42+00:00

Being promiscuous isn’t really something to be proud or ashamed of so I’m not sure why people so often attach those sentiments

You’ve either got to let it go or dump her if you can’t

2021-12-26T07:03:49+00:00

You need to feel you can trust her, which at least for now you don't. Break up, and see what happens. You may get back together, or not, but don't push it. You need to clear your head.

ConstructionRich7891 · 2021-12-26T07:36:23+00:00

she belongs to the streets my brother

ConstructionRich7891 · 2021-12-26T07:39:22+00:00

She doesnt respect u king, what if you have talked about how you facefucked a hoe years ago? She would be mad bro she testing u. You have to reply strong or she will never treat you with respect

ConstructionRich7891 · 2021-12-26T07:48:42+00:00

Why is everyone talking like if this girls is doing some kind of favor to OP for beign with him. Fuck off. If you need to leave her leave her, nobody is worthy of your pain.

2021-12-26T07:54:58+00:00

What you’re feeling is you tapping into what you actually want in a long term partner OP. No shame, no hate, and no wrongly labeling it insecurity, it’s just a quality of a person you are currently with/experiencing that plugs you out of believing that this person is for you.

gorilla_blanco · 2021-12-26T08:24:11+00:00

She brings belong to the streets…. Treat her casual she just told you she likes that

Santa1936 · 2021-12-26T08:28:37+00:00

. Earlier she had talked about how she was in a NSA with a guy, where he would guide her to blow him in a certain way

I'm sorry but I don't care what anyone here says. That is a wildly inappropriate thing to say to your spouse, and would give me serious pause about further pursuing a relationship

tryingmybestatm · 2021-12-26T08:34:57+00:00

just found someone else then dump her, lack of self awareness is a red flag. plus u can find girls who haven't been the town's bicycle.

Designer-Influence11 · 2021-12-26T08:44:48+00:00

I’ll be completely honest, her sexual history isn’t the main issue, it’s the lack of respect, self awareness and maturity for her to have brought that up in the way that she did not even considering your feelings. It’s gross and callous imo. That’s a big big red flag. Watch out man it’s going to get worse I promise you

69Gwynbleidd69 · 2021-12-26T11:47:02+00:00

People who had a lot of sexual partners, tend to find it much easier to rebound / monkey branch / cheat.

Like it or not, men care about woman's past, if she was a hoe, she is not relationship material.

Contradictory to t he above statement, everyone has some kind of a past, and unless you are gunning for an unexperienced virgin, you have to accept it. And with past comes experience of learning what you want, and what you do not want in a relationship.

Should you 'accept it' or 'dump' her. I don't know, you are the only person around here who knows here, so you are the only one who can analize both her and yourself, in order tovet her and determine is she a relationship quality or not. Just as you are the only one who can determine does your dillema come from your inner insecurities, or is your gut telling you that she is just a FWB / FuckBuddy and not relationship material.

The only certain advice I can give is that everyone has to learn to vet people when it comes to relationships.

MRHOBO_ · 2021-12-26T12:12:14+00:00

She is 21 years old, she can't have a hoe phase behind her. She is still a hoe and not someone to think about creating your life with. Nothing wrong with her lifestyle, it's hers to live. Just don't get too attached to a hoe like that. Use her for experience and what worth she has - making your life fun and pleasurable.

A-sop-D · 2021-12-26T13:04:43+00:00

She's not yours it's just your turn. Don't worry about it so much, as all previous partners are irrelevant. If you notice it's eating at you just find a way to cheekily turn it into her wanting to do that with you. Get her to show you exactly how she did it with that other dude.

ZosoWicca · 2021-12-26T13:35:18+00:00

Sorry, I just fuk hoes, I dont date them.

Good luck!

Ilovethaiicedtea · 2021-12-26T14:19:11+00:00

Honestly a little bit of a red flag imo if you're looking for a truly LTR.

2021-12-26T14:28:46+00:00

Yeahhhhh honestly it’s weird to bring that up. Just seems like things you don’t tell your SO unless specifically asked about.

G3tbusyliving · 2021-12-26T14:35:13+00:00

Had this happen with an ex. She would talk about her ex's all the time in different scenarios. Told her to stop doing it and she said she would but never did. Clearly enjoyed her hoe phase too much because if she went out she would relish in men speaking to her. Id get out before it gets worse or something happens. Leave with your pride and find someone who actually wants to be with you and isn't thinking about sucking other dudes d**ks when she's with you.

18cmOfGreatness · 2021-12-26T16:36:00+00:00

No, not everyone has a past. There are many, many girls and guys who never engaged in casual sex and only dated seriously, if at all. Usually, if someone is casual about hookups, they are also casual about cheating hookups. You both are young, I very much doubt that someone who had a "hoe phase" just a year ago would want to settle for life at 21, lol.

2021-12-26T16:50:19+00:00

The world is full of sluts now. Just try to find the least sluttiest 🤷‍♂️ and try not to imagine her sucking some other dude off like she bragged about.

Yuva0 · 2021-12-26T17:43:31+00:00

Your feelings come first, period. If it was bothering me i would be honest with her and dump her. End of story.

Moikepdx · 2021-12-26T18:13:42+00:00

It seems the laugh is what’s bothering you. But I’d actually be bothered by the part where a relationship with you wouldn’t have worked a year ago.

This says that her life stage dictates her partner in unpredictable ways. If you were unsuitable a year ago, you may be unsuitable a year from now.

If you’re in this for the short term, NBD. If you’re looking for something long-term, find someone who’s more stable.

Crixusgannicus · 2021-12-26T19:43:27+00:00

Confusion about your feelings indicates you do not accept your feelings.

This is a mistake.

Feel what you feel freely.

You do you.

maahajan · 2021-12-26T20:33:50+00:00

Keep her as a backup and find someone who you think is good for you. Don't be uncomfortable and do not hate her for it, just accept that there may be people who won't be like you think they should be and you should leave her as soon as you find someone better.

truthbomb999 · 2021-12-26T22:45:08+00:00

This was from a discussion which originated from us talking about how good her BJ was that night, and I felt uncomfortable with why would she bring that up so casually.

It's a shit test to see how much she can say without you getting upset.

gangoni · 2021-12-27T00:18:08+00:00

She for the skreets, cause she knew what she was doing telling you this while that laugh after

stratejeezy · 2021-12-27T01:57:14+00:00

the lack of testosterone in this post is frightening and im never coming back to this sub

Randomiss_13 · 2021-12-27T02:17:53+00:00

Tell her it’s TMI. Let her know you’ll ask if/when you want to know. I don’t care about my man’s body count nor his experiences, hell I’ve got stories too. But I don’t need the mental picture in my head lol. He’s gone too far and snapped at me when I did the same. Turns out he didn’t realize how it felt until he got that same unwanted mental picture. Set boundaries.

TacoRockapella · 2021-12-25T22:46:31+00:00

It sounds like by that type of comment she is reluctant to give that life up to be with you. It actually sounds like it was a deliberate comment/laugh on her part just to see if she can get a rise out you.

People like her play head games. Just for the sale of playing head games. I’ve dated people like this. If you dig deeper you will find more.

bryann_99 · 2021-12-26T00:21:35+00:00

I'd recommend to identify your emotions (e.g. gelousy, insecurity, distrust, sadness, angriness). Then, you try to find why do you feel that way (something like, it makes me feel angry an jelous and sad because I feel like I am not special to her, like I am just another one more). Once you have the reason, you ask yourself what you can do about it (e.g. breaking up, talking to your partner about how you feel, etc.)

The examples are completely illustratory; I am not trying to guess your situation.

Raptor_969 · 2021-12-26T05:32:38+00:00

She for the streets , I suggest you start following Hoodville

omanisherin · 2021-12-26T05:58:45+00:00

Not really the kind of girl you commit to bro.

AutistNerd · 2021-12-25T20:29:37+00:00

She seems to enjoy fuck around more than relationship. Just an opinion. Consider this to be long term long term would be very rocky.

ananasonbread · 2021-12-25T20:47:03+00:00

She could just be saying that she enjoyed being desired or she could have had a personal growth in terms of sense of self, goals, etc. Anyways she now chooses to be with you and I would not look to far into it, after all youre getting to an age where almost everybody has a history.

susumaya · 2021-12-26T07:21:08+00:00

Don’t settle until your kill count is close to 50-100. If you’re seeing a girl whose count is higher than that then she’s got issues. Most girls will be less than that so you can be comfortable

Delicatestatesmen · 2021-12-25T22:37:28+00:00

she rode the pony bologna and was chuckling about the dudes she slayed. I bet you felt a bit dirty. At least shes not your wife.

buddhistbulgyo · 2021-12-25T22:57:06+00:00

Other people have sex and they like it.

Take your time processing your feelings. Talk to her about it.

You can find someone with less experience than you do if it really matters.

She can find someone that accepts her how she is whether or not they have more or less experience than she does.

Nobody should be shamed for the amount of sex they have.

2021-12-26T09:57:02+00:00

If a girl talk to his boyfriend about her exes without a legit reason, that is a red flag.

If a girl talk to his boyfriend about how did she fuck before him(lets say they are in a relationship, not friends with benefits), that is something that must make you block her, leave her immediately.

People on comments say that 'don't listen guys who cant get women, giggling is not important, accept her past' etc. Getting women and having a solid relationship with a women is different. If you sleep with her and it is not something serious, have fun.

But if you are in a relationship and she tells you her past 'sex' experiences, how good it was, something wrong with you if you dont leave her or be her fuckbody, not a boyfriend.

coldbrew18 · 2021-12-26T00:58:41+00:00

She’s thinking of all the dick she got and is laughing at them all in comparison to yours.

ihs28 · 2021-12-26T13:04:29+00:00

It might a little difficult to digest, but the fact is that she is with you now and honestly her past shouldn't matter anyway. The only suggestion I can offer is don't get the insecurity get to you, neither is it good for the relationship nor for your mental health.

2021-12-25T22:19:55+00:00

fam, imma level with you: you need to figure out why this matters to you so much, because its not about her.

its almost never about them, even if they do something that pisses us off.

the word “hoe” is used by people butthurt that a woman they desire is having more sex than them. period.

it comes from jealousy and an insecure sense of self.

don’t worry about her giggle, worry about making the best parts of you even better, so that you know you’re the shit regardless of what anyone else says.

its easier said than done, but once you’re there, you wont give this stuff a second thought.

you like her, and she likes you. that should be more than enough for you. if she’s actively doing things to hurt you, that’s another thing entirely.

“I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to mine.”

-Bruce Lee

KlausFenrir · 2021-12-26T03:34:38+00:00

I’m gonna unsubscribe from this subreddit. Judging from the upvoted comments, 90% of you are fucking incels.

Comand94 · 2021-12-25T21:52:07+00:00

I don't see anything wrong about the laugh. Either she had good fun and is reminiscing about it or she found out that emotionless sex wasn't it. Maybe both.

If you feel, by any chance, insecure about that phase of hers, you should try to create a future like that for yourself. It might be hard for you to get over things like that if you've never experienced them yourself even though you wanted to. If that's the case, committed relationships might not do it for you right now.

21nightofSeptember · 2021-12-26T02:30:49+00:00

She’s honest accept her honesty and be honest with her too ;)

Pbear4Lyfe · 2021-12-25T22:18:50+00:00

Give yer balls a tug

UnnamedBN · 2021-12-25T23:05:38+00:00

It's up to you to accept it or not.

It's important not to think about who came before you. But do get you both's sexual health checked.

I was in that casual phase too, but mine lasted about 8 years. (I always always had safe sex during my casual phase, well except for the blowjobs that I have given.) Only then I started to feel casual flings were meh. A good relationship is so much more deep and meaningful.

If what you both have is deep and meaningful, it would be a shame to throw it over what happened in the past.

Jumpingonair · 2021-12-26T00:57:21+00:00

Yikes

Shadow851000 · 2021-12-26T01:51:31+00:00

Red flag 🚩

Mint731 · 2021-12-26T05:26:47+00:00

Cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it

Aquix · 2021-12-26T08:57:03+00:00

Are you seeking to understand female psychology? Or trying to understand why you feel the way you do? (your intention wasn't clear in your post).

This was from a discussion which originated from us talking about how good her BJ was that night, and I felt uncomfortable with why would she bring that up so casually.

I see (at least) these 2 possibilities:

She has poor social intelligence.
She doesn't respect you as a male.

It's likely the 2nd.

It's completely okay to be proud of our hoe phases

Where did you learn this from? Do you also think that women who avoid sleeping around are being "silly"? Would you agree that women have a tendency to lie about their body count? (saying it is lower than it is).

Women are slut shamed for good reason. And they intuitively understand what attracts other males. Obviously, your gf hardly gives a fuck about that with you, from what you described -> and that would be due to a lack of respect (which is associated with low attraction) for you.

Things you should be thinking about:

Do you tend to exude alpha or beta traits in your relationship? What things have you done in your relationship that could come across as feminine? Who leads?
Do you really believe you're her "one and only" and things will be "happy ever after"?
In the future, which boundaries can you draw to facilitate the kind of relationship you expect out of a partner? (your gf obviously crossed many lines but you still allow her to be your gf? Know when to stand up; you don't have to eat shit. Are you afraid of losing her?).

mithrinwow · 2021-12-26T11:01:55+00:00

You're both young but her only being 21 and talking about her "casual phase" is cute, considering she's 3 years out of highschool (?). Of course, she had a casual phase; but because she left the nest relatively not too long ago, her casual phase seems like yesterday. Most young adults around that age of 18-20 don't want to be tied down and are just happy to be unsupervised, free of parents. You experienced it, you know.

I'm guessing she told you her experiences because she thought you could empathize with her, and because she felt comfortable enough to disclose it. I highly doubt she was trying to make you jealous. Your interpretation of her giggles makes her sound like any child learning to cuss for the first time and feeling "dirty" about it. Honestly, it's not too far from the truth. It's interesting even what a few years can do to someone. Be patient and don't look too deeply into it because she's ONLY 21! I would not expect anyone of that age to be mature.

That being said, there is nothing wrong with people being hoes and we all know how much people love to keep tally around here; finally, slut-shaming is gross, regardless of gender.

e: spacing

Bobandjim12602 · 2021-12-25T23:45:12+00:00

The girl is allowed to have had sex outside of you with whomever she consensually desired to do so. Just like the guy is.

Me and my GF have both slept around, got it out of our system, and have a wonderful sex life. She's been with dudes who have bigger dicks and I've been with girls who have better bodies. Regardless of those people in the past, remember, you guys chose eachother.

The giggle indicates she had fun. Because guess what, sex is fun. I know I had fun fucking around. If you feel really insecure, don't tell her, just use it as motivation to find ways to fuck her brains out even better.

DDSwift · 2021-12-26T01:11:57+00:00

Oh yeah both my wife and I agree we were straight up thots before we met 😂

Tomatillo2554 · 2021-12-26T03:17:34+00:00

lol these comments are completely full of insecure boys. You all need to grow tf up. So what if she fucked a tone of guys and loved it. If she’s with you now and your dick is good and you treat her right then you have nothing to worry about.

2021-12-26T04:57:40+00:00

Oooh no did your sweet lil Virgin Mary have a life before you?!? 😨😱

Moejason · 2021-12-25T22:55:44+00:00

Don’t be afraid to take a little while to come to terms with this. Yes it is a mark of insecurity and jealousy if you’re uncomfortable with it - but that’s not abnormal, we are conditioned to think and feel a certain way and it’s normal to dislike the idea of someone you like having slept with other people.

Be careful to take some of the misogynistic comments here with a whole handful of salt as well. This is not on her - sex is fun, let’s not let people demonise that.

One thing I would suggest is find ways that she can help to validate the fact she’s into you - with past relationships I had anxiety throughout and couldn’t get over my jealousy, but I recognise that was in part due to things being unresolved between my ex and other past partners, as well as it fitting an anxious/avoidant dynamic which does not work well for me at all.

dan2fly · 2021-12-26T05:08:40+00:00

Many guys are completely worthless when it comes to satisfying a woman…she might have been with many drunk, and nervous guys and found that mostly unfulfilling…she has also seen the range of size as well. I have heard several promiscuous girls tell stories of the guy with a dick like her pinky…no way to know.

BUT, if she has more experience and chooses you, why question it?

I had an ex who had been with 20 plus guys. The first time we had sex, she said, “Wow, you must have done that a LOT!” I was 22 and had been with only a few girls

kraemoprana · 2021-12-25T22:29:46+00:00

What's wrong with acknowledging that you enjoyed your sexual experiences? It's not like you're her first, and most likely she's not your first either.

jetery · 2021-12-26T00:19:15+00:00

Years ago there was an ad that showed a pic of a ridiculously attractive girl and it said something like "you aren't going to be her first but do you really care?" It was an ad for BMW used cars. The problem with having issues with her past is that there probably isn't going to be anyone out there that you aren't going to have a problem with something from their past if you learn everything about them. The issue isn't with her but with how you view her. The only thing that really matters is that she is with you now.

havefun_gofast · 2021-12-26T00:57:32+00:00

Its in the past, which you were not a part of. Leave it and let your relationship grow into the future.

idbanthat · 2021-12-26T04:38:32+00:00

You know how when you send a serious text, but you're nervous how the other person will read it, or that they'll read to much into it, so you end the text with an lol just to show you're light hearted about it, it was probably that. No emotion works well to not get attached, but if she feels for you, don't let r/retroactivejealousy ruin it for you, let her love you, or move on.

ScreamingButtholes · 2021-12-26T04:53:50+00:00

Don’t 👏 ask 👏 about 👏 past 👏 sexual 👏 experiences

chs158 · 2021-12-26T05:38:46+00:00

Hey man, I’ve been dealing with similar emotions recently too. I agree with what a few ppl in the chat have been saying. I think the base insecurity is seriously just a base monkey-brained jealously that I’ve experienced with ppl I’ve been with before. It’s just something you gotta let go of cause in the end, she’s with you not anyone else and if everything’s going good otherwise I say ur doin alright. But, I think it’s also good to set up boundaries. If she brings it up every once and a while and it really bothers you, you could try and talk to her. Just explain how that makes you feel and try to work through it with her. Good luck I hope ur able to tackle this because I am still working on it haha.

Ironic_Resting_Face · 2021-12-26T10:05:06+00:00

Stop asking questions about how good she is in bed or fish for compliments where you’d put yourself in her history. Idiot.

If she’s good in bed compliment her and say thank you. She did not learn that stuff from a book. And earlier when her life was different… what did you think was gonna happen? That she would bat her eyes and say in a coy manner “I dunno, I wasn’t really into boys before I met you.”

The past is a minefield if you are a sensitive jealous type. So stay clear or work with your snowflake issues.

agonzale · 2021-12-26T15:14:13+00:00

You have to make peace with the fact that your gf isn’t an angel. She’s just human.

KuatosFreedomBrigade · 2021-12-26T20:15:02+00:00

This is kind of an early twenties issue, trust me, those feelings go away the older you get.

She’s with you now….and wouldn’t be if she didn’t want to be. Exploring sexual experiences is something that made ME extremely uncomfortable at 20, and led to some really big trust and resentment issues in my past relationships. It also led to my past girlfriends having a lot of frustration and lack of patience with my insecurities in the bedroom wondering if I could match up to whatever experience she had that to my insecurities sounded like more than I could offer. I’d just try to have an open dialogue about it, don’t shoot her down with a “it really hurts my feelings when you talk about that”, because it’s just going to close some doors on intimacy. I also made that mistake numerous times. So I’d just maybe initiate a dialogue if you were interested in being more adventurous, or if you aren’t, asking her if she is. Then figuring out if that’s something you want. People don’t always align on needs, but I wouldn’t say you have to worry about her, just have more conversations.

CombatPunk88 · 2021-12-25T23:09:16+00:00

What she did or didn't do before is basically none of your business. You feel atype of way about it most likely because your insecure or envious. Insecure that there could have been a slew of guys before you or envious that she went through a phase that you didn't. Either way, get over it or get out of the relationship.

MohdSalahh · 2021-12-26T02:18:37+00:00

No good ever comes from knowing about your gf’s past hookups.

I would rather just live in blissful ignorance about it tbh

2021-12-26T04:47:55+00:00

Wow I had the EXACT SAME conversation. I mean…exact! Ok so here’s something to consider... so your GF has plenty of sexual experience. She’s had plenty of partners. Usually (not always), they make for better lovers. But that’s pretty surface level- let’s dig a little deeper.

So this woman who has, instead of eating Frosted Flakes every morning for the past year or two, opted for the ….eh, Kellogg’s Variety Pack😅…and has seen it all (sorry bro I promise this is going somewhere)…WANTS TO BE WITH YOU!!!

What bigger ego boost IS THERE? If some girl with 2 past lovers (total) thinks you “rock her world”, really you’re just better than the “other guy”🤷🏼‍♂️. But if someone who is experienced chooses you…bro, pat yourself on the back. Go buy some sex toys. Plan some adventures. Ask her what her fantasies are! Ask her if she would want to fulfill yours? This is someone who isn’t scared of sex.

Both my GF and I have been where your GF is in life. It’s the best situation for YOU! As previously stated, she picks YOU. BUT also, she knows the VAST difference in pleasure that is even possible comparing meaningless sex with a random to making love with someone you care about. At first glance they may look similar to the untrained eye, but trust me they are night and day. Change your perspective. Acknowledge the ego boost staring you right in the face….and go have some wild sex!

And NEVER ask her if she’s “done this with anyone else.” Just agree that if you haven’t done it together, you HAVEN’T DONE IT! My Gf had a bad threesome experience once a long time ago so she “didn’t like threesomes.”

Um…sex has no intrinsic value other that what you assign to it. Are threesomes a good idea? Can’t answer that, obviously?! They can be a fucking, relationship killing disaster. They can be boring, forgettable wastes of time. They can me POWERFUL, life changing moments that partners can share together as a team! All threesomes…all different values.

Why am I talking about threesomes? Same thing with you. What is the “value” of her past? Zero other than what she decides to share with you. Until she does, it’s none of your goddamn business. And if you are blessed enough for this woman to trust you enough to, while feeling vulnerable, feel safe and secure enough with you to open up…PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND WITH JUDGMENT OR ANYTHING BUT THANKING HER FOR TRUST/RESPECT SHES SHOWING YOU. You want her to always feel that you are a safe place for her to share how she feels. If she feels attacked, you will kill a golden opportunity to possibly have a real partner/teammate in this world. I am the happiest I have ever been, by a lot, because of my relationship, which started out a lot like you have described. I really hope you can experience in some way what I have. I am so grateful I didn’t let my insecure, self conscious immaturity ruin things when it very well could have…

kalixxte · 2021-12-26T01:02:39+00:00

Honestly, any guy who is insecure about a woman’s sexual past is a red flag that they suck in bed. Period.

Solaym · 2021-12-25T22:27:44+00:00

Dont you worry...Fakhr al 3arab

Enons15 · 2021-12-26T01:38:35+00:00

I would say it was a nervous laugh, and just let it go. If she decides she wants to be causal again, that’s her loss. Just don’t give her a reason to decide that

Brrbrr10 · 2021-12-26T02:12:53+00:00

She giggled to pass Gas relax it’s not that serious .. like fr if you like this girl just have her give you a bj or something for giggling not that big of a deal

krzjasn87 · 2021-12-26T05:57:59+00:00

It's really rough to think about your partner being intimate with another partner. I prefer to have these kinds of conversations with a potential partner before jumping onto a relationship. Think about the current situation, does your partner make you happy ? do you enjoy the sex with your partner ? and do you feel connected to your partner ?

If this makes you feel insecure communicate this to your partner. If your partner is there for you without judgement than work with your partner to get past these feelings. Ultimately all her previous choices led you both to this spot where you are together.

Donexodus · 2021-12-26T07:49:32+00:00

Respectfully, don’t ask questions like this if you’re not comfortable with any and all answers.

Nothing wrong with you asking, and there’s nothing wrong with her response, and props to her for actually admitting it. FWIW I’d much rather this version than the ‘ideal’ answer, as it shows honesty.

A “keeper” could answer the same way she did. Feeling uncomfortable is natural, but you opened the door. Whether you’re ok with what walked through is a personal choice that can be made only by you.

2021-12-26T08:16:34+00:00

just ask her not to talk about it. it’s about where you’re going not where you’ve been

simbuah · 2021-12-26T12:06:54+00:00

Not talking about the details of previous relationships is a boundary of mine. I don't want to hear or be asked about the details of the past unless necessary.

Xerexes3869 · 2021-12-26T12:54:21+00:00

When Hihihi was the worst part.

EarlOfYorkshire · 2021-12-26T13:45:51+00:00

That was then, if you’re now both in a monogamous relationship then that’s what she wants now. A lot can change in a year and even more can change once the right person comes along. You’ve got too accept and move on

_avocado_icecreamm_ · 2021-12-26T13:49:10+00:00

There seems to be a lot of comments encouraging OP to break up with his girlfriend or tha she's only ever going be a slut because of her casual phase.

OP, I feel that this would be an important conversation to have with your girlfriend and discuss why hearing about her past experiences is affecting you so deeply, and how you would like it to be handled in the future.

It sounds like your girlfriend is just too open with her past experiences and doesn't see that it's affecting you as deeply as it is.

It's understandable that you would feel uncomfortable hearing about these experiences, especially considering the context in which she's bringing them up (i.e, during discussions on intimacy).

I can't help but wonder that maybe she might be trying to relate her past experiences as way to discuss what she wants in the bedroom, but doesn't realise how innapropriate and distressing it is for you.

I feel that if you want to continue a relationship with your girlfriend, that it's absolutely important for you to discuss how these conversations upset you, and that you don't want to hear about them-- which is perfectly valid and a boundary you want put in place.

At the same time, it's perfectly okay to end a relationship for any reason if you feel that's what you need to do.

Good luck anyway, OP!

Payback999 · 2021-12-26T16:49:31+00:00

Tell her, if she doesn't understand or still does it then you do the same, tell her things about a time where a girl fucked you crazy that you came thrise or something, she'll be in your position and will understand

If it still continues then you have drawn your boundary and she's violating it, then leave this relationship and move on to next one

blockfuture · 2021-12-26T20:00:14+00:00

It honestly sounds like she thinks she gives good head and is proud. They talked about her good bj, discussed the NSA, then she drops comments with the giggles all seemingly related…

Fazl_xD · 2021-12-26T21:32:08+00:00

Yeah.... that's a quite the uncomfortable situation to have with someone who you're emotionally involved with.

Make sure you let her know that it made you feel uncomfortable and why in the world did she think that that would be something that can be casually brought up without warning AND especially after an intimate moment.

Retreat and assess situation

DaHighPriestess · 2021-12-27T00:50:19+00:00

Idk cry about it maybe?

recyclablebanthas · 2021-12-27T02:18:30+00:00

1

Gf and I were talking about relationships in general, where we discussed what if we had met a year earlier. She answered, relationship wasn't possible because she was looking for something without emotions and that phase worked really well for her(with a mild laugh). Which I found a bit weird, not the phase but the giggle after that.

There's nothing weird about people going through a casual phase for whatever reason.

Men do it and so do women. It's a human thing.

2

Also, it's not the first time. Earlier she had talked about how she was in a NSA with a guy, where he would guide her to blow him in a certain way. This was from a discussion which originated from us talking about how good her BJ was that night, and I felt uncomfortable with why would she bring that up so casually.

It is perfectly fine to tell someone you're dating that you're not really interested in swapping histories or stories of the past.

3

It's completely okay to be proud of our hoe phases, but I find it difficult when someone shares it so casually with giggles/nonchalantly with their partner.

It's perfectly valid to have your boundaries in this category. Everyone's lines are different.

You have to communicate with her about this. Only then can you tell if there's actually a problem, based on how she reacts.

The trick is to broach the subject without making it into a personal attack. The easiest way to do this is to make it clear that you're talking about your personal preferences as far as not wanting to swap personal histories.

RoHatfield83 · 2021-12-27T02:29:46+00:00

She’s being open and honest with you. If she’s open with this kind of thing she will probably be an open and honest partner. It seems like she doesn’t want to hide much from you and that she’s letting you know that those were times in her life that she didn’t catch feelings like she does with you. Lots of people can be nostalgic without wanting to go back to those times.

If this is something you’re uncomfortable with, then maybe she isn’t the right one for you or you need to take a step back and check yourself. Could there be other reasons why this makes you uncomfortable or other things that she’s done that makes you feel that way? Either way, take a good hard look at everything before you make a jump- whether it be forward with or without her.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2021-12-27T05:08:25+00:00

First: Lol!

Second: She doesn't respect you or see you as high value, if she did she would be too afraid of losing you to mention any other guy, let alone talk about blowing him.

Third: This is a 🚩for a woman you want to be a LTR for you. I say get out now before you catch feelings for her.

TwahtSwatter · 2021-12-27T19:01:10+00:00

'It's ok to be proud of our hoe phases, but...' So, what you're really saying is that it's ok, as long as she wasn't before you? Or it's ok, if a guy proudly talks about how he's good at giving head cause women taught him how to do it well, but a woman can't say the same thing... Ok bud... Just move on since you're clearly not mature enough for this talk. How tf did you expect her to get good at it if it wasn't for practice? 🙄🙄

Stobes80 · 2021-12-29T10:12:50+00:00

This is why i dont talk about the past with any man i am in a relationship with. Men tend to freak out whether you've had one lover or ten. Regardless men need to accept that virtually no one is a vestal virgin nowadays. Women have past lovers, and as long as they are not doing it anymore than who cares. If you cant let it go then end the relationship because there is nothing worse than hanging onto it for the rest of your life. If you want to stay in the relationship then let it go.

MiraGhazel · 2021-12-30T04:58:09+00:00

Funny three days ago you made a post asking for how approach women for casual encounters :)

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	456
Comments	367
Date	December 25, 2021 7:57 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/rog9sd/gf21_f_talked_about_how_her_casual_phase_worked/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1270281 https://theredarchive.com/post/1270281

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