I once matched with this man on a dating app awhile ago. I remember he looked a little above average at best, shared a few common interests with me,…
Fast forward after chatting for a few days, I agreed to have a conversation with him on FaceTime and it became one of the most irritating experiences I have had in awhile. He looked and sounded like a straight-up neck beard through the the phone. He appeared 30 lbs + heavier than his photos, not well groomed at all.
He immediately “went after” me in a condescending tone, “So, I’m sure behind those pretty photos, you’re just a girl who just wants to be loved and protected.” 🤡 I was genuinely confused by his words and replied back, “Huh? Well, I am dating and putting myself out there to meet new people.”
He doubled down on this ridiculous act, saying “Well, did I make you nervous? Seems like no one besides me has ever cared about you before to ask that question? I know all women who like to act tough, deep down just want a guy to love and protect them.”
At this point, I could sense an incel vibe coming from him, I told him he is reaching for something that is not there, I just wanted to have a casual and fun conversation, you know, like a normal person with actual social skills. He got offended and accused me of “trying to act tough instead of opening up and being vulnerable”. I realized men like this who are unable to uphold a fun and interesting personality; Instead, they target emotionally unstable, possibly mentally ill, women who are insecure and would jump into an opportunity to trauma bond with someone, thinking that it’s “destined love”.
He was fighting for his life to bring out the daddy issues in me that I never even had in the first place 😅. He began throwing out random triggers, such as “oh you know, I bet in the past, guys leave you after sex, maybe now you’re scared of intimacy”. I was confused but didn’t have the energy to explain to him why he was wrong. I sat back and listened to him talk. He tried and tried to get me to share any trauma that I had, which I think he would use it to manipulate me later. Too bad for him, I was lucky enough to have a fairly normal childhood and sheltered life growing up. I seemed to have nothing for him to attack me on.
I gave him a funny look and told him “look, this isn’t a movie, I think you’re being really weird and awkward” then hung up. He’s blocked forever.
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[+]doll-life109 points [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link
This is why I am having a hard time figuring out what to tell about my father to potential dates.
My father is a pos and lives with his other wife, absconding his responsibilities towards us. I live in a conservative country where daughters stay with parents till married and fathers play a big role when it comes to choosing a potential husband for his daughter.
I am from a minority and I am planning to date guys belonging to the priveleged majority. Many times they ask beforehand if this will work as they suspect my father will refuse them. I want to let them know that my father doesn't care about me or my future, so it will be my decision altogether. But knowing how predatory men are, I am unsure just how much I should reveal about my relationship with my father to them.
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[+]doll-life59 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes, I don't want to lie about relationship with my father because eventually they will figure it out that he isn't involved in my life. Being vague in initial vetting seems to be the best response.
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Exactly this. At first, I was confused when men (random colleagues or "male" friends) would start describing traits they observed about me out of nowhere in conversations, like being shy or not having lot of friends or having only female friends, Or taking too long to type.
I used to be so confused by this behavior. Like "Huh, who has time to analyse someone they just met so much?" Turns out men have that time. They have all the time in the world to over analyse, stalk, get whatever information is needed necessary to unleash their psychological warfare on women.
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[+]doll-life27 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I once tried calling out a desperate, clingy "male" friend for using continuous guilt tripping, emotional manipulations to try and get me to consider dating him. This is a guy I knew for years, so he did know that my father has abandoned us and we were in a bad financial place.
He used to say stuff like - "oh your mother would be so worried about getting you married. If you were my wife I would have helped you all financially, but you can't be my wife and you can't make me change my mind. Let's bet if you can 😏" (basic negging. He had asked me many times in past out for a date and I had refused but he still wanted to remain a friend and I was naive).
He also used to send me long paragraphs about why I should have faith in God (I am not religious) because God helped give my mother strength to raise us even in such difficulties. My mother is basically a narcissistic and took out all her anger on us for my father's indifference, so I used to tell him that I understand what he is trying to say but I have a different outlook on the whole struggle and God stuff. He then used to reply with rants that it is futile to explain anything to me as I don't listen and agree.
There was also continuous guilt-tripping about me not initiating contact with him to ask how his day was, not replying him fast enough or long enough. I snapped one day and called him out politely to make him understand that I know what he is trying to do and no it won't make me consider dating him. He completely lost it and started sending verbal diarrhea in my inbox that I need to shut up and get lost. He has no interest in me or my body and was only being a caring friend and that I don't deserve any care or friend. And this was a guy I knew since many years and thought was decent. So, letting you all know that calling men out can also intitiate angry reactions and abuse from them.
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It was literally like going to the redpill, PUA and MRA book reading. Mf probably had his flash cards right next to him, he wasn't even engaging with her. Refused to see it wasn't working and just kept finishing his script. I've had better interactions with the people calling me for duct cleaning or newspaper subscriptions, they at least know how to go off script and bullshit on the fly.
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[+]doll-life16 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Wow, being in this community has made me realise how many women face same things that I did from men.
There was this classmate who kept calling and bringing up that I have no friends even though I never told him anything about that and I did have a very close female friend back then. He would say something to get me angry like "don't say anything about his favorite topic or I will punch you in the face and break your teeth" and when I would tell him to not speak to me in that way, he would accuse me of not understanding that's how friends talk as I have no friends. And then claimed he is also tolerating my boring rants on calls, to which I reminded him that he didn't have to keep calling me then. He again started with how he was just helping me have someone to talk to as I don't have friends.
I told him never to call or message me again. He went on to block me on all social media and writing edgy status about betrayal on his, but is now following me on my Instagram to check out my photos 🤭
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