Q4W: Where would you go if you wanted to be approached by guys (and didn't drink)?

the_lazy_orange · 2022-05-11T19:04:11+00:00

Thats tough since most social outings today are heavily focused on drinking, unfortunately. If I wanted to be approached, Id focus on hobbies and events that interest me. I know a couple who met through crossfit, and another who met through a soccer club.

Personally, I was good friends with a musician who played at a lot of local city events and met tons of people that way.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-05-11T19:01:27+00:00

I actually have no idea. After my divorce when I felt I was ready to start looking again I went on POF then the first person I met off there I married

Financial_Leave4411 · 2022-05-11T23:17:29+00:00

I wouldn’t mind being approached when I attend weekly classes for different hobbies I have at the library like adult game night (they have both card and board games), weekly cooking classes and so on. My library also holds special events like escape rooms and VR games/challenges as well as a mini anime convention which is fun to meet people at. Aside from the library’s events I like trying to meet people online via forums, chat rooms and websites that talk about video games, anime, books and so on that I’m interested in. It’s easier to start to talk to people anonymous online who have similar hobbies and build a friendship or relationship that way. I struggle to find guys who have the same or similar interests in real life where I live so this is the best I can do. But remember I’m looking for a LTR not something casual so if your looking for casual this might not work. I try to build a bond with someone as friends before I consider them as a possible romantic partner.

Any_Drama3272 · 2022-05-11T19:38:37+00:00

I’m probably going to do social events like meetup.com where I’m doing things with multiple people such as a hiking day trip or a movie night, so it’s casual and not awkward, and if I don’t meet anyone for dating purposes I still make friends and have a good time anyway.

Yummylicky23 · 2022-05-11T20:10:14+00:00

Like most people, through mutuals/friends

RinoaRita · 2022-05-12T04:17:08+00:00

Any kind of convention (anime, gaming general geekdom) is a good place to be social. You can definitely cold approach folks both men and women to start conversations and try to befriend them.

Siukslinis_acc · 2022-05-11T18:46:01+00:00

For dating - dating events.

For social circles - events for activities that i'm interested in.

Reddit_User_543mil · 2022-05-11T20:33:36+00:00

For dating without a pre-existing social circle: dating events.

For dating within social circles: Group activities that I’m actively interested in.

I actually my current boyfriend through our shared friend group. I had recently moved back to the area, and he had a crush on me before when we were younger. So, he reached out and we just hit it off from there :)

honeydewmelonz · 2022-05-11T21:02:42+00:00

When I’m open to cold approaches I’m usually going for a walk in a park or downtown during the day.

None0fYour8usiness · 2022-05-11T20:11:53+00:00

[permanently deleted]

arreter · 2022-05-12T00:21:11+00:00

Probably going to a concert or a baseball game. Farmers market would be good spot too.

Aubrey_D_Graham · 2022-05-12T01:27:19+00:00

I would use a match makig service. The guys are looking for a relationship and are vetted by the match maker.

I think cold approach is pretty much dead becaue most guys need MORE than indicators of interest to even bother to approach. Its not cold approach when there are IOIs.

M3taBuster · 2022-05-11T18:43:37+00:00

I'd find a Starbucks or local coffee shop and make that a regular stop in my routine. I'd look for meetups based on my interests, or join a club or group, or volunteer. Most of the places I worked, coworkers would meet after work for happy hour and such - I would avail myself of such opportunities and just get a soda or something. You don't have to date your coworkers but surely you can befriend them and some of them might have attractive friends. I'd join a gym and maybe take some classes. If you're religious, you might try a local church, but I'm not so I didn't.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-05-11T18:50:27+00:00

Why am I not drinking? Am I a recovering alcoholic?

bluestjuice · 2022-05-11T20:59:56+00:00

I mean, online game communities and nerdy hobby groups. Basically. I wouldn’t say those are statistically high vectors of success, though, just things I enjoy.

EviessVeralan · 2022-05-11T21:45:04+00:00

Back when i was still single i went to events that involved my hobbies to try to meet people.

womandatory · 2022-05-12T00:02:12+00:00

First port of call is to let my friends and family know I’m looking to meet someone. Not suggesting they try to play matchmaker, but it helps if the people who care about you know you’re looking. They might invite you to or even host events and celebrations where you could meet people. If they are people you like and they care about you, they are probably going to have an idea of the kind of people that would be a good match for you.

gabatme · 2022-05-12T00:46:10+00:00

I would join clubs or groups with similar interests. Churches for religious people, book club for readers, etc. Then meet new friends (and potential romances!)

ddouchecanoe · 2022-05-12T06:02:54+00:00

I would find a weekly event/experience and start going consistently every week.

I go to an ecstatic dance on Thursdays and although I am not single, as I build community I am more and more consistently approached by interested men. Although this is not my objective in attending, it is a place I would go if that were my intention.

Showing up somewhere over and over is the best way to build community. People you have things in common with will inevitably pop up if you are genuinely interested.

It could be a community climbing night or a gay volleyball league. Whatever, just keep showing up.

stanleysgirl77 · 2022-05-12T08:57:01+00:00

Why not pursue guys yourself instead of waiting to be pursued?

microchipgirl · 2022-05-12T10:45:20+00:00

I am literally this person and I rely exclusively on online dating to meet guys.

Cupcakelover1985 · 2022-05-12T10:47:28+00:00

If it’s just to get hit on by any kind of guy anywhere outside in a major city during the weekend after 11am.

If it’s to get hit on by specific type of guy I’d go by myself to an nice restaurant, expensive gym, roller skating, or a park in a nice neighborhood.

DivineDaedra · 2022-05-12T23:00:54+00:00

Since I prefer being approached by people I already at least know of I’d be building a social circle through hobbies (for me, gaming).

januaryphilosopher · 2022-05-11T19:15:23+00:00

I don't think just sitting around abd not approaching myself anywhere would be very successful. I'd see if friends knew anyone and go to their events, look around at hobby groups, and volunteer. This helps to get more friends as well. I don't know why you're putting in all these restrictions though - what's the point? It seems like you're trying to ask "how do you meet people if you can't meet people?"

backcourtjester · 2022-05-11T19:32:52+00:00

Are you low-key asking where it is acceptable to approach women other than bars/clubs?

dottywine · 2022-05-11T21:39:43+00:00

I would go to a fun networking event. Something that is enjoyable whether or not I'm approached, but encourages interaction with strangers so it increases my chances of getting approached. And also increases the chances it's someone of similar interests who is approaching me.

I tried the tactic of going to restaurants or coffee shops and having "open body language" and it never worked.

CatchPhraze · 2022-05-11T22:58:57+00:00

Bars are great fir comedy nights or live music. Or even pub food. Most people go for the socal aspect not the drinking one anyway.

This sounds like it was written by somome who has never been to a bar. Other then that concerts hobby conventions, hobby groups, running groups, book clubs, hobby classes, hanging out with social groups of friends.

Novadina · 2022-05-11T20:48:29+00:00

Social events within my social circle. Like bad movie nights, LAN parties (well that was a thing when I was young), house parties (not everyone drinks during those, if you can relax and have fun without alcohol it’s not an issue), hiking groups, video game guilds, board game get togethers, and art studios.

If I had no social circle, I’d go to therapy first to try to figure out why I couldn’t keep friends, and when that is sorted, start making friends with people at my work or the pottery studio or game nights at the board game store.

Why wouldn’t I be able to use work for my social circle?? It doesn’t mean you have to date people you work with - you make friends with them so you have a social circle, then ask out someone you meet at your friend’s party.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-05-11T21:26:33+00:00

Hard one since I've always had a social circle and everytime I built one I built one to have friends, though I've always been open to relationships within it and that's how I've met all my exes, including my husband.

So I guess I'd just build a social circle with things I'm interested in but are at the very least mixed gender. So meet ups (casual sport) , board games, maybe join a dnd group being advertised on Fb (provided there's at least one female member already there, I didn't have that filter last time and that was a disaster), make friends at work at work drinks etc

chingness · 2022-05-11T22:19:28+00:00

New social hobby - meet people and make friends and then maybe meet someone in that hobby or through the wider social group you made via that hobby.

WYenginerdWY · 2022-05-11T22:28:44+00:00

Find a boardgame meetup or try volunteering somewhere. I don't know that I'd be open to being jarringly propositioned in those spaces, but they do lend themselves to creating a friendship that can lead to a "hey you want to go out on a date sometime?"

There's a fundamental difference between being approached and being "cold" approached.

M3taBuster · 2022-05-11T22:31:26+00:00

why should you have to think i'm attractive in order for me to say no to you?

why are you approaching women you don't think are attractive and then taking it out on them when they don't want to be with someone who doesn't even like them?

LotBuilder · 2022-05-12T00:17:14+00:00

Driving range/golf course cafe. There were two cute girls that used to go to the night driving range Near my house. They were clearly not golfers and were not trying very hard to be. They would hack a bucket of balls must mostly chat and be friendly. Eat hot dogs and drink beer. Both were attractive in their mid/late 30’s. They took it slow and got a lay of the land over the first month figuring which guys were legit or who was married or whatever. One was a realtor and the other worked in finance for the local Lexus dealership. Both were engaged within a year and both had gotten business out of it. Every golfer in the area knew Charlotte and Jen. They were fun and friendly without trying to hard but they were clearly putting themselves out there.

ruboyuri · 2022-05-11T19:28:24+00:00

Oh, so you mean if I was an uptight antisocial hermit (what fun! I’m totally the prize!)?

OLD and online message boards for whatever interests I had in place of normalcy, to find another uptight people hating weirdo

Of course, I would expect to get little or no interest

InfamousBake1859 · 2022-05-11T22:38:04+00:00

Ice skating. I love ice skating. Be willing to explore and try to skate and not worried about looking like a fool.

Skiing. Meet at the lift, go through a few lifts. Then you can buy me a cup of hot chocolate or something.

at the park when I’m going for a walk - (in the day time, at a park with lots of people)… but you’ll need a cute furry dog for that. Then tell me how much your dog loves me. I’d be more flattered than you compliment me. “Wow, i never seen him kiss someone so much”.

sarkington · 2022-05-11T20:38:39+00:00

I wouldn’t. Your list guarantees difficulty and failure.

I would get more friends, groups, activities and social circles, and try and get the existing ones to be less antisocial. Pick up a side job, club, volunteer work. Use OLD and local social media. Stop being precious about work

I also wouldn’t expect instant, immediate or guaranteed success. If that’s what you want, get a hooker, rob a bank or start dealing drugs

SilentFoxScream · 2022-05-12T01:21:55+00:00

Go and do whatever the heck I felt like doing anyway, and then chat with whatever people seemed open to chat regardless of age or gender or looks. The more you gel with someone, the more conversation flows, less interesting connections wither away naturally. Most of the time you just end up with a good conversation, but sometimes you get an acquaintance/friend out of it, and maybe developing to a partner.

Note, this isn't to be taken as advice to socially awkward males (although if you take the leap and do this, you're awesome, whatever the results may be). It's just the only method to growing real human connections that I've ever stumbled upon for myself. It gets easier the more you do it. Also, if women don't start conversations, you miss a lot of chances and are stuck with whoever just happens to feel bold enough to start it for you.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-05-12T00:28:41+00:00

only want to be pursued through a social circle, then assume you don't have a social circle or you can't branch out any further from the one(s) you do have.

... what?

Start a social circle. Or branch out. What's the problem

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Drew_Sifur · 2022-05-12T03:25:29+00:00

A library isn't too.. harmful?

I see people keep saying dating events but have to disagree and say it sounds toxic

Imagine the competition that could boil at those

neolib-cowboy · 2022-05-12T05:52:20+00:00

Not a woman, but from what I have heard from a lot of women, they prefer to meet guys in places where there is no alcohol and an easy out. They are nervous around guys who have been drinking, bc we are bigger and stronger, which is why when they go to the bar or clubbing its usually in groups, for protection.

2022-05-12T06:01:27+00:00

At a party or a dance of some kind. Probably somewhere where I get dressed up and look nice.

Electronic-Poet-1328 · 2022-05-13T03:37:08+00:00

Hinge? Tinder? any other dating app???

meltedjuice · 2022-05-14T15:22:26+00:00

Summer is coming up. People are outside relaxed in a friendly, outgoing way. Parks, street fairs, singles hikes, dance lessons... I'm not really sure what the question is. I also have sober friends who go to all the same places drinkers do, clubs and lounges... someone who avoid bars with their friends for their sobriety is only going to want to date someone who's also sober. Luckily, recovering alcoholics and wellness-focused people both tend to build strong community! Just go on Facebook or meetup and find events related to your interests, nobody can do that for you

Spiritual-Ad-271 · 2022-05-15T16:49:36+00:00

The key is to involve yourself with a social group that functions as a community unto itself and revolves around specific interests that are important to you. This allows you to engage in activities that are important to you and showcase your talents or abilities, while interacting with the same group of people regularly so that bonding and attraction can occur within that group.

Anything that is of interest to you, whether it be specific literary groups, community gardening, yoga/meditation classes, animal shelter volunteering.

I think community theater is a wonderful way for people to meet one another as it gives opportunities to work and socialize with the same group of people for extended periods of time while also getting people out of their standard comfort zones.

And people who are relationship oriented can always be found at religious services as well. Many liberal mainstream denominations function more as social justice and community building organizations anyway, like Unitarian churches, Presbyterian churches, Reform synagogues, etc. And they almost always feature singles events. But admittedly, not everyone feels comfortable with that route.

2022-05-17T05:18:55+00:00

If I wanted to be approached by guys, I'd be out doing things I enjoy. The guys I would want to meet would be out doing the things that I want to do already. Instant hobbies overlap.

M3taBuster · 2022-06-05T18:04:03+00:00

I have only been approached in public by complete creeps. We're talking the bus, gas stations, elevator on the way to work, etc

The least creepy instance of man hitting on me was at a nicer bar.

Women will occasionally give me compliments in public in a NON CREEPY way, if I'm especially dressed up.

Title	Q4W: Where would you go if you wanted to be approached by guys (and didn't drink)?
Author	M3taBuster
Upvotes	43
Comments	227
Date	May 11, 2022 6:34 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ungmpg/q4w_where_would_you_go_if_you_wanted_to_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-where-would-you-go-if-you-wanted-to-be.1114609 https://theredarchive.com/post/1114609

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