people who have high n-count, do you find it difficult to maintain ltr relationships?

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-09-02T17:14:14+00:00

It really depends. I'm in the triple digits, so...pretty promiscuous.

I don't get bored sexually fast, I'm pretty meat (ha!) and potatoes about sex. Easy to please.

I don't get bored but partners who need to spend every waking second with me are tiresome. I have a lot of introvert activities that require a lot of time and focus and concentration. Sometimes I go through phases where I'll just be absorbed in them for hours a day, which between that and work leaves little time for 'couples stuff.'

I don't compare at all. Every person is different. Women are right when they say that. Shoot, sexually for example, I'd even rank some women that it was more difficult for me to finish with as better in bed than some women who get very easily get me off. It's a complex calculus and one that isn't worth the mental effort.

I've had issues with cheating in the past but as I've gotten older I'm just a lot more hesitant about getting into a full on monogamous relationship. Once I'm in one though, it's easy to stay faithful.

I'd say that being promiscuous more opens my mind to partners other people would never consider. For example, in another thread I mentioned that I'd dated (as a civ) escorts and porn stars and was open to getting serious with any of them.

I used to be extremely impatient about getting to sex when meeting someone new. I still am. But it's mellowing with age. I bet by 40 I won't mind just going on dates with someone for a month or so getting to know one another before going that far.

Women tend to have a sixth sense or something about a guy who's been around, and I find that --- whether they are high or low N (probably moreso the latter) --- women I'm with have a hard time trusting me to be a faithful boyfriend.

NotARussianBot1984 · 2022-09-02T16:08:30+00:00

Trp taught me if i want to get good at something i have to practice.

I wanted to be good at lifting and be fit, so i hit the gym 6/week doing PPL and gained 60 lbs!

I wanted to be good at dating women, so i went out looking for girls that would go on a date with me. Turns out as a fit short guy, i was able to get only obese girls to go out with me. That's fine, practice is practice.

I guess most men treat these girls like crap since when I decided to take them out of fun dates, flirt, tease, and lead the date, they all wanted to fuck me on the first date.

I also wanted to get good at sex. While i would have preferred practicing sex in a relationship with a fit girl i wanted to date, that wasn't available. So now i have a 30+ n count mostly from obese girls. Im also really great at oral now, girls appreciate that.

Btw some of those girls i dated for months. Problem is that in the end our lifestyles are incompatible, im busy working hard at life, they weren't. Still good practice at relationships.

And im better now at dating, sex and relationships than ever. So it helped me.

But the key is i practiced and worked hard to be better, Most people prefer to stagnant in life, just look at how fat everyone is.

pinpointnade · 2022-09-02T14:52:44+00:00

I think the more interesting focus group would be to ask this question to the significant others of those who have a high n count.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-09-02T15:26:40+00:00

Not once I figure out that if I wanted LTR relationships I should prioritize women who also wanted them too.

Turns out the “I’m just looking to have fun” ladies were being honest. I had to stop going “well maybe we might be something more,” And start actually chasing women who were saying “I am looking for a relationship if things work out”

HobbitShaker88 · 2022-09-02T15:28:59+00:00

I have dated men with high counts before in my 20s (didnt know, I actually used it as a way to weed through men so if I had known I wouldnt have dated them, lol, I always found out at the end) and I found they did ALL of the things you listed.

1)They got bored easier and couldnt handle mundane problems as well, were less likely to resolve conflict and just thought they could find a literal perfect match. People like this arent LTR material. It is VERY difficult to maintain a longer relationship with a person who is at risk of getting bored all the time, it is quite exhausting and is not good for those who value stability.

2) they do get bored sexually pretty quickly (I personally have never met a guy that is very promiscuous that was happily married for decades to the same women, after the honeymoon phase is over they view marriage negatively even if their marriage is good)

3) they do compare alot. I find alot of men today to be very critical in general at least on Reddit, but higher count men are definitely so.

Personally for me, I always did best with men that werent promiscuous but also men not the opposite (waiting until marriage for sex). Maybe because Im in the middle as well.

reddit_lotto · 2022-09-02T14:50:03+00:00

yes... but i believe it is usually because i hook up with younger girls who are typically more promiscuous, and they wander away and/or lose interest.

Patrickstarho · 2022-09-02T19:54:56+00:00

Lol these people are not gonna admit it does

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-09-02T15:38:17+00:00

"High" is subjective, some would consider mine to be high and others would consider their own counts to be much higher. But, my last cohabitating relationship was 9 years and my current one is coming up on 10 years. The last one ended because he cheated, not because I did. I am very happy with my husband and have no interest in cheating and if I do compare him to others, it's quite favorably.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-09-02T14:12:37+00:00

No, I've had a few LTRs in my life, each one lasting longer than the previous as I learned relationship management skills and figured out what I needed in a partner despite engaging in casual sex between those relationships. I've been with my husband for nearly 10 years now without issue.

ManWazo · 2022-09-02T15:07:03+00:00

Yeah. People see me as a disposable fun adventure and get bored of me. I'd like ltr but it just doesn't work: maybe I'm too picky, or maybe I'm just boring idk.

WOPR-1983 · 2022-09-02T17:14:33+00:00

I was with over 40 women before I met my wife.
I never cheated on her, and wanted to fight to save our marriage. She didn't.

For me, my past sexual history didn't affect my ability to choose monogamy.

Sure, hot women still caught my eye. But if you believe in loyalty like I do, you just never act on those impulses. It's that simple.

Cheaters gonna cheat no matter their n-count.

Do women have a harder time pair-bonding after slutting it up? It's a big Red Pill speaking point but I am not sure. One thing I know is this: Once women get a taste of high value cock, they're sure as hell not interested in average dudes - even if they are average themselves.

And PPD says "If she can bed a nine she's a nine".

Which is bullshit, but that's okay.

avoiding_a_stalker · 2022-09-02T13:09:15+00:00

No, not really. All my relationships have been pretty good. About 60% of my relationships have been what I'd consider long-term (1+ years in my teens, 2+ years in my 20s) and I don't think any of my breakups were for frivolous reasons (usually some long-term incompatibility that had nothing to do with sex).

Do I get bored easier? I think everyone gets bored at some point in an LTR (especially when you get into them young) but I don't think it was significantly more than average. Do I get bored sexually faster? No, not really. Is there a desire to cheat that crops up? No, not really. Do I compare a lot? Kind of - I'll tell my partner if there's something I'd like to do because I enjoyed it in the past but I'm not actively comparing how it goes

Edit: With the other 40% of relationships, it was mental health issues that meant the other person wasn't in a good place to continue any relationship (actually, that came up fairly often), or because they were generally being a jerk (flaking on me to date other people - that guy only lasted 2 months so I'm not even sure that counts as a relationship)

melody_of_ · 2022-09-02T13:53:49+00:00

No my partner let's me swing and swings with me.

iamatwork24 · 2022-09-02T15:11:33+00:00

Not at all. When I’ve been single I’m a major slut, I can honestly say I don’t know my count, I just know when I stopped counting. When I meet someone who I want to be in a relationship with, I become completely about them. Never want to stray or anything like that. There’s single me and relationship me and they behave very differently.

ashpr0ulx · 2022-09-02T13:45:51+00:00

i have no problem maintaining a happy and healthy long term relationship. there is no boredom with the right person.

and comparison is the thief of joy. i do not compare the individual in front of me with partners past.

Power_8374 · 2022-09-02T13:51:53+00:00

Whats an N-Count? I have a really hard time with long term relationships

iamatwork24 · 2022-09-02T14:21:04+00:00

I'm about n = 10, does that count as high? Either way I have no difficulty maintaining ltr at all. I've always done my best to be a good boyfriend and frankly I tend to succeed.

Own_Wall_4233 · 2022-09-02T15:41:02+00:00

Very high n count guy here. I couldn't imagine being with only one person for the rest of my life. Sounds awful. I'd rather be alone.

greedyleopard42 · 2022-09-02T14:54:55+00:00

Nope. If anything I've found people who didn't have as much experience seem to get some level of FOMO about sex/dating.

2022-09-02T15:07:27+00:00

I've only ever had three LTRs. First one was seven years, second was four and current one is 2.5.

I think it's unhealthy to jump straight into a relationship and I know men dislike desperation and codependency.

Casual sex simply satiates my need to have sex in-between relationships. It really is that simple.

AquaChip · 2022-09-02T14:47:54+00:00

No, when I’m in a relationship with someone I’m compatible with it’s easy to feel satisfied.

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-09-02T13:32:09+00:00

I guess it depends on what's considered high, when I first met and got married to my wife 8 years ago, my body count was 14 ( I Journal which is why I know the exact number lol) and she was a virgin, but like I said we've been married for eight years so no no issue really maintaining a relationship🤷‍♂️, but again that just depends on whether or not you consider my number "High", also dated the same girl from 9th-12th grade(with a slight break) just as another example

35yo Male just for context

yamb97 · 2022-09-02T13:50:59+00:00

No, not at all really, I was married for 6 years before he died and now close to 2 years in another relationship. Haven’t felt the urge to cheat or get bored or anything and I rarely compare or even think about past partners, it just doesn’t really cross my mind.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-09-02T14:39:43+00:00

No I was married for over a decade and I have now been remarried for 8 years together longer

I don’t compare, or get bored, I’m honestly haven the best sex of my life.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-09-02T14:51:35+00:00

There's too much open endedness to this.

What's high n? My n was 15 at age 23. Is that high?

What is 'difficulty in relationships'? Like most people aren't going to introspect and say it's because of their n. How would you know either way?

you compare a lot?

Anyone with high n who says they don't compare are just lying.

SmilesLikeMardiGras · 2022-09-02T15:22:27+00:00

i have a very high N count and was in my first LTR from 17-21, lived together, then single 2 yrs, second LTR 7-8 years, broke up with rings and a marriage license for reasons wholly unrelated to sex and cheating and n count. one year later met my H and it will be 20 years next july. i have never cheated or wanted to cheat, never branchswung and have almost no recollection of past men once theyre in the rear view mirror. to be fair, i choose men 100% by hot ONS hookup, so i never really understood all the talk of "settling for beta men" or whatnot, personally

HimNeutron · 2022-09-02T16:16:54+00:00

These people aren’t going to be truthful. Take it with a grain of salt.

ta06012022 · 2022-09-02T15:57:08+00:00

I guess by your definition, my count is high. I know it's above average, but I have no idea what the percentiles are.

Anyway, as a guy whose count is considered "high", I've had no issues maintaining LTRs and actually prefer them. Looking back at high school, college, and my four years post-college, I've been in LTRs on and off throughout that time. Most of my hookups are highly clustered in brief time periods of being single and not looking for anything serious.

In high school, I had one LTR and she's the only girl I slept with. Then first semester of my freshman year of college, I slept with eight different girls. I ended up in a relationship at the beginning of the next semester, and my count only increased by one over the course of a couple semesters. I went through a couple other periods with a lot of hookups (mostly junior year of college and my first year after college graduation). Outside of those times, I've mostly been in relationships.

Like I said, I prefer to be in a LTR, but I always found it pretty easy to find casual sex, so there were times when I found a lot of it. Most of my relationships started as a hookup too. I don't get bored in relationships and I've never had the desire to cheat. I mean obviously I'm attracted to other girls, but it's not like I act on it. I'm pretty sure the attraction part is true for all guys regardless of count.

midwesternMD · 2022-09-02T21:55:13+00:00

I’ll have to get back to you on that. I don’t think my n count changed my personality or views on relationships, but I could be wrong.

I think I’m just as capable of committing to a woman today as I was when I was a virgin some 15+ yrs ago.

Where I struggle is finding a woman who I’d even want to start an LTR with. One thing I can say is that the shitshow of modern dating has shown me that if I find another match, I’m going to hang on to her for as long as I can to avoid having to deal with modern dating again.

hdksndiisn · 2022-09-03T01:46:31+00:00

I’m surprised at the multiple people here claiming 100+ partners.

I’m male. I’ve slept with 30+ and I think that’s too many. I hope the next person is the last person. I am happier fucking one woman in an LTR than new women and have never had issues getting bored or finding people outside of my relationships tempting. I’ve learned I’m demisexual, so my attraction and sexual energy tends to actually increase the longer I am with someone. And the more I’m in love with them the greater my sexual appetite.

I think everyone is truly different when it comes to the impact of sexual relations on their psyche, and effect on their ability to happily be in monogamous or non-monogamous situations. I think most people are most content having slept with less than 15 people before finding their “one” and having had at least one “true love” relationship end (outside of “love” age 18 and younger, which absolutely does not count) within those first 15 people.

This means they’ve had enough variety and emotional experience to both value their current partner and know their partners sex/uality is a good match. By 15 people you should know what you like enough to not stray.

Ideally we’d all find “the one” without much trial & error or heartache, but that’s not the case for most people. And unfortunately (maybe paradoxically with what I’ve been saying) for those of you who struggle to find people to sleep with, the more partners you’ve had I believe the more likely it is you’ll find “the one” and be happy in an LTR. Especially true for men. Homie with n-count 100+ likely isn’t having a problem finding a gf for an LTR…

Psych_FI · 2022-09-06T03:33:57+00:00

This question has a few issues.

Firstly, can you specify what you consider a high count.

Secondly, what is this in comparison too? You’d need to factor in things like age and goals / ideas of relationships.

I have friends from different walks of life and many other factors come into play so in comparison to what is huge.

I have friends who are virgins that have never dated, kissed, had a bf or held hands with a guy. I know some who have only been with one person or married as virgins. I know others that have gotten with 30/40/50 guys and had bfs. Some who have cheated but have had LTR.

Lysa_Bell · 2022-09-02T13:35:16+00:00

Before my bf my longest relationship was 6 month. Before that 3 month. So I had some issues with LTR.

With my current bf it's over 4 years now. And I don't get bored. Because of my experiences before I know how good I have it with him and how grateful I am to be with him.

Dolphin_Moon · 2022-09-02T18:48:31+00:00

i would consider myself pretty average for my age group rn (23f 10-15 partners), but the guys i have met who have a high n count. They are always the same. I feel like you can never truly guess a womans number but a guy ....u can def guess quickly by his vibe. I notice that men who even BRING up n count either 1) have a high number themselves or 2) judge women harshly by their number (too low...the woman is a prude...too high the woman is a hoe).

I don't think it ever needs to be brought up when getting to know someone. The only thing that matters is two people are having sex safely and consensually. I personally only like to have sex with one person at a time, especially if we agreed on no condom. If I found out the guy I am seeing (casually or seriously) was sleeping with other women without a condom as well I would end it immediately.

veloron2008 · 2022-09-02T16:24:32+00:00

I know first hand from various friends and acquaintances that high-n takes a toll on many men. It messes with the emotions and reduces people to objects to be discarded. Many promiscuous men become shells of there former selves later in life.

I believe it is even worse for high-n women. Being a whore may be seem like all fun and games early on for females drunk on male attention. Little do they know that these females typically become undesirable "old maids" as other women get married off. Where are all the "good men"? They're paired off with good women.

Female "sexual expertise" only has value for prostitutes and porn stars, or the for free equivalent found on dating apps. There's absolutely nothing special about a woman who has been ran through. Zip, zero. She's been there, done that with a bus load of randos and likely has baggage and/or emotional trauma.

Men with one iota of self respect will steer clear of ugly (inside and out) old maids...

thetruthishere_ · 2022-09-02T18:27:10+00:00

No and Im just never bored at all with anything. I have so many things to do. If a man bored me he is literally That boring.

Ive only been in long terms.

Im a high count but didnt become high till 40's when I became a part time escort. That said Im not as high as you'd think being an escort either. I see the same men over and over, have seen some for years.

decoy88 · 2022-09-02T14:39:26+00:00

I’m always attracted to and often think about fucking multiple other women. The urge has always been there, at this point that’s just business as usual.

I manage it well enough.

Rickinthebox · 2022-09-02T18:58:12+00:00

I've decided that I can never marry, in my life I've had countless partners some of which I've found out later to be married. I know of 2 married couples who are raising a child that is most likely mine. I can tell you that it took me a while to figure out that I'm traumatized. I don't trust women when it comes to relationships and when ever I'm with one It just feels like going through the motions until it's logical conclusion. I've also figured out that in itself is almost a self full filing prophecy. The last partner I had was in a "committed" relationship for almost 2 years, yet I found out through one of her friends who happens to also be a friend of mine, that she wanted to try out a fantasy with me. And it just makes me think, the things I did to that woman, the depravity what if that was my chick? What if that was my girl? I would be furious and immediately cut all ties with her. But no, she kept it a secret and still acts like the super happy gf with that guy. I found him on fb I want to tell him but I don't think it will do any good and might actually put me in danger. What do you say in a situation like that? And what if he doesn't believe me? I went down that thought process too. I have evidence of our nights in hotel rooms. She was okay with me pulling out my cell and capturing whatever I wanted. But... I don't think it's a good idea for anyone.

Sorry if this came out whiny, I don't talk about this with anyone so it feels good to get some of this off my chest so to speak.

Novadina · 2022-09-02T19:29:24+00:00

Nope. I’ve been with my husband for more than 15 years and I’m very satisfied. I have slept with multiple people because it took multiple relationships to find someone compatible long-term (plus I had to learn some lessons to be a better partner myself), and because I enjoy sex so had casual sex when single. Nothing about being bored or cheating.

SmilesRHere · 2022-09-02T22:37:55+00:00

Guess it depends, my wife and I both had very active sex lives before we met, it’s hard to say exactly since neither of us can remember more than 30 or 40 names and those are either friends with whom we had sex or bf/gf for a while. The one nighters are a blur for both.

My best guess is I’ve had sex with around 100 people and her around 150-200.

We’re happily married, 16 years together (13 married) still have great sex, definitely not bored, she’s still the best sex ever and I’m not a slacker either 😁

Fun_Push7168 · 2022-09-02T23:47:20+00:00

I'm triple digits. Was also married ten years. If anything it's easier to stay committed.

When your count is low it's much harder to say no to that one "golden opportunity". Once it's high it's much easier to be like "eh".

No I don't get bored easy, sex is much better with a strong connection.

It's tempting to retry your skills every now and then but it's really not a big deal.

Being in a relationship is much easier and less of a rollercoaster.

Some LTRs I've had were open, and I rarely actually took advantage of it. Dating is a lot of bullshit to deal with and it's not very motivating when you've got easy access for sex already.

purplish_possum · 2022-09-02T23:57:14+00:00

EugeneCezanne · 2022-09-03T03:52:29+00:00

Nope, not particularly difficult at all.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-09-02T18:24:30+00:00

My N is 24. I love more truly and deeply now than I ever have. I'm M/25yr old

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Main-Leek7908 · 2022-09-02T17:09:56+00:00

When I met the person I would eventually marry, and he asked me to be exclusive with him, it took a couple months to get out of the “always open to new partners” mindset, especially when we had to spend time apart and couldn’t have regular sex. Eventually that went away and I have no desire for anyone else anymore. Nobody else was as good in bed as my current partner. We like to try new things often, and have a pretty diverse sexual repertoire, so I don’t get bored.

Sometimes I miss the ego boost and validation of people showing interest in me, but I wouldn’t accept anyone’s advances even if that was still happening.

I like laughing at people who think having many different partners impairs your ability to “pair bond.”

2022-09-02T20:12:03+00:00

My friend was one of those guys with way to many bodies.

The issue was that he straight up couldn’t form a connection with a woman. Each and every time he just cut them off and started again with another. They all melded together in his memory and nothing was novel.

He broke a part of himself mentally. I hope he’s better. But there’s always that risk.

FatmanSlim93 · 2022-09-02T22:05:00+00:00

I have like n 15 and I’ve gotten looks from chicks when I told the truth. Most people around me don’t really trust people with n counts of 10 or higher tho. Honestly even someone with my number trusts someone with higher numbers less than someone with a lower number, man or woman for anything.

lovelythecove · 2022-09-03T03:29:05+00:00

I have a pretty high n-count. Haven’t properly counted but around 30-35. I have had no issues with LTRs, have had 3, maybe 4 LTRs. 1 relationship was 3 years but started in high school, so I kind of don’t count that. The other 2 relationships were in college, 2ish years each. Last (and current) relationship has been going strong for almost 6 years.

My partner has a high n-count, also hasn’t properly counted but around 20-25. He has had 2 LTRs besides me, both in college/grad school, they lasted 2ish and 3ish years. One ended because they went different ways for career/grad school. The other ended when she went off the deep end as bipolar disorder manifested for her in her early 20s so it was kind of a mess but it wasn’t personal.

Neither of us gets bored or compares negatively. Because we both have high n-counts, we have tried a lot of sexual things for the first time with other people. It hasn’t been an issue at all for us. (And it wasn’t an issue in my past relationships, although my partner said his bipolar ex was extremely jealous, so it did bother her and he avoided talking about sex in that way with her.) FWIW, we are also both bisexual and have been with both males and females. I’ve had LTRs with both sexes; he has only had LTRs with females.

We have talked about our previous sexual experiences plenty, and we both have said that we don’t even remember why we had sex before we met each other, because our sexual compatibility is insane compared to previous partners, both LTRs and casual hookups. We are also compatible in pretty much every other way, and have yet to find any irreconcilable differences to be honest. Probably a huge reason why we have stayed together and stayed happy.

But… in my other LTRs, I didn’t miss my exes or hookups for any reason. It’s just not something I’ve had to really think about, because I wouldn’t have been in an LTR with anyone I wasn’t very sexual compatible with, and each subsequent LTR partner, I was more sexually compatible with than the last. Now, if for some reason my partner and I broke up, I do think it’s plausible I would think of him sexually (and otherwise of course)… but the odds of us breaking up are very very low. So I’ll probably never have to find out.

Diddy_1978 · 2022-09-03T05:40:37+00:00

I have what you consider a ‘high body count’. Because people are not ‘bodies’, what I actually have accumulated is experience in interpersonal relationships, social skills and being comfortable with my sexuality. I am completely monogamous when I am with someone (had very long term relationships, since I was young, my first ever relationship was for over three years, starting when we were 16). I don’t even consider other guys sexually, when I am with someone. I don’t have itches to scratch, I don’t have sexual experiences I want to do, except with my guy and I am totally happy being with my one guy. I don’t even ‘get bored easily’, because I am able to keep things interesting myself, I don’t need an entertainer!

Willow-girl · 2022-09-03T06:52:24+00:00

I'm high-N because I sowed my wild oats when I was young, but I've been settled down for a long time now and I'm perfectly content.

Glad-Improvement-812 · 2022-09-03T12:00:31+00:00

No. 37F. Multiple LTR, never cheated. I make hay while the sun shines.

sex_throwaway999 · 2022-09-03T16:02:39+00:00

hard to say. i haven't gotten into any committed relationships since i started ho-ing it up about 3 years ago. my standards have gotten higher and i'm not going to settle now that i can get consistent (enough) casual sex

thelajestic · 2022-09-03T16:58:37+00:00

No. I've had 3 LTRs. One was the first person I slept with, which lasted around 3 years.

With the 2nd I was below the "high" threshold above, and that lasted 5 years.

With my current relationship, I was well into the "high" threshold when we met. We're happily married, been together nearly 7 years. I've never once got bored or felt the desire to cheat. We've also got the best sex life/sexual compatibility by a huge margin out of any of my previous relationships or people I've had sex with.

So really, if anything it's made it easier to maintain LTRs 😅

Title	people who have high n-count, do you find it difficult to maintain ltr relationships?
Author	realbsartist
Upvotes	25
Comments	184
Date	September 2, 2022 12:52 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/x40sbr/people_who_have_high_ncount_do_you_find_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/people-who-have-high-n-count-do-you-find-it.1130379 https://theredarchive.com/post/1130379

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