To those who want virgin partners - why?

flakybottom · 2022-09-08T19:41:14+00:00

I'm a virgin and I feel like there will be a huge experience gap. That's it.

ChadChasingB · 2022-09-08T16:48:21+00:00

Personal/religious values that I want my partner to share. I don't want a guy that slept around, views sex as casual, or doesn't value marriage. We're not going to be compatible in any way.

GlumManufacturer1557 · 2022-09-08T19:49:33+00:00

Because I'm a virgin myself and I don't want them to realize Im bad in bed 💀💀💀

ExpensiveShoulder580 · 2022-09-08T17:29:08+00:00

You can try to mine for justification all you want and we can talk about certain desirable things that are correlated with virginity.

But at the end of the day, it just is attractive. It's like asking "why [insert attractive trait] is attractive to you?".

People are motivated emotionally, not rationally.

Barely-moral · 2022-09-08T15:54:05+00:00

Disclaimer. I don't fall entirely into that camp. I can see how a virgin partner provides some things other partners don't but it is not a deal breaker for me.

"The ick:" The thought of another person touching/sleeping with your partner is a turnoff.

A good argument/reason.

"The emotional affair:" There can no longer be a special bond between you and your SO if they were intimate with someone else. You're just another person to them.

A good argument/reason

"The insecurity:" You worry that your SO will compare you to their exes and that you will not be able to compete.

A good argument/reason with a valid counter argument. You may be her best but you are also her worst so things should balance out.

"The values incompatibility:" Someone who is not a virgin does not share your conservative values on sex and intimacy.

The best argument/reason.

"The FOMO:" You feel like you missed out by not sleeping around and want a partner with similar inexperience to avoid this feeling.

A candidate for the worst argument/reason

If you have FOMO you will have it no matter how inexperienced your partner is. If she has FOMO she will have it anyways and specially if she is lacking in experience.

More arguments I find compelling.

1) I value the sharing of first experiences. A virgin had more of those.

2) There is a correlation between virginity and a lesser risk of divorce, cheating and relationship dissatisfaction.

3) A counter argument to saying that lack of experience and lack of knowing what you want is a negative in a partner: people that want LTRs are in for the long game. Experience will be gained inside the relationship. Discovering what you want can be done inside the relationship. It is better that way.

4) There is no need for a reason. If women can have ridiculous standards and there is nothing wrong with them then it is only fair men get to have some as well.

Aromatic_Shop9033 · 2022-09-08T18:06:11+00:00

I'm possessive.

I don't want STDs.

The end.

Acceptable_Parking96 · 2022-09-08T16:49:44+00:00

A virgin won’t have an STI, is less likely to cheat and more likely to stay in a relationship. It also shows she is not promiscuous, which is the most important trait a man looks for, since if she becomes pregnant he’s more certain that the child is his and he is not taking care of another man’s child. A virgin also doesn’t have any sexual competitors for the man to worry about. A man wants to lead and protect the women he loves. Being inexperienced in sex allows him to grow with the woman and become accustomed to her and vice versa. The ability to pair bond is also strongest.

That’s why men vastly prefer virgins or low body count women as long term partners

YasuotheChosenOne · 2022-09-08T19:51:29+00:00

Because I’m selfish.

jasonology09 · 2022-09-08T16:40:14+00:00

"I think of it like this; If you're going to eat a sandwich, you would just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it." - Vladislav The Poker

JDWhiz96 · 2022-09-08T22:46:56+00:00

Pretty sure this question was asked earlier, but I'll answer my opinion again:

Religious reasons
I'm a virgin and I would like my partner to be so that there are no insecurities
Zero risk of STDs and children from other men

Hekinsieden · 2022-09-09T01:43:50+00:00

ok joke answer but

You know he won't cheat if he literally couldn't find another GF besides you.

bigapple4am · 2022-09-09T01:49:04+00:00

I feel like if you yourself are not a virgin then why require it of your partner, hypocritical isnt it?

2022-09-09T02:06:19+00:00

Literally because I am a virgin that's it. But the reasons 4 and 3 are important but my partner doesn't have to be virgin just hold similar values to me. I only prefer a virgin if possible

Railgunner79 · 2022-09-09T07:44:23+00:00

Studies have shown that the higher the woman’s body count the more likely the marriage ends in divorce.

Bandit174 · 2022-09-08T19:52:58+00:00

Overall a combination of what you mentioned.

On some level its just an involuntary "ick"

On some level its because I am one too and losing it to another virgin just seems more appealing to me especially if they are going to be my forst and only. I dont want her to be my first and only if Im not also hers.

And I can admit insecurity is a factor as well. I do think women can fuck upwards for casual sex especially on dating apps so odds are if she had a lot of casual sex Im probably going to be a downgrade in terms of height, muscles, dick size and sexual experience compared to the men she explored her sexuality with. I dont have a micro dick or anything but Im not so arrogant as to think I can complete with a 6'2 fuckboy with a 7 incher. To me its just realism. I want to feel like Im within the ballpark of what she had before and if shes slept around I know that wont be the case.

Additionally, there does seem to be a consistent trend that lower n count has lower rates of infidelity while higher n count has a higher rate.

It also frustrates me that women will judge men on so many superficial things and if we complain were just bitter or insecure but n count the only trait where men are arguably more picky than women its suddenly a problem and its not a justified standard to have 🙄

rushopolisOF · 2022-09-08T23:08:53+00:00

What feels better, winning first place or getting a participation trophy?

truthfullyVivid · 2022-09-08T18:02:14+00:00

Because they think they're malleable, and because they have no previous experience to compare so they'll never know how good/bad their partner is in bed. Basically insecurity, typically falling back on traditional beliefs because supposedly people are supposed to still respect that or something.

To each their own though.

TheMightyDagger · 2022-09-08T21:16:48+00:00

Let's be real, it all comes down to males and their fragile egos. A virgin woman won't challenge him sexually, he won't be compared to another man and to males that is a fate worse than death apparently. He can watch porn and dream about fucking other women all day, but the moment a woman gets even a sniff of another male it's hysterics and bitching. Males want virgin women because they know how awful males are to women, they know they pump and dump, cheat, lie, and manipulate to get sex or sexual favors, and to them that taints the woman. They're all hypocrites with major Madonna-Whore complexes. That's all there really is to it.

SilentFroggy · 2022-09-08T19:13:43+00:00

I just think it’s just disgusting if a woman had been with other men. Doesn’t feel right. However, people make mistakes, so I can forgive her if she’s had 1-2 bodycounts max. As long as it wasn’t casual. If she had sex with many guys and thought it was okay or she was “exploring her sexuality”, I don’t think she has respect her future partner.

Opening_Pattern_301 · 2022-09-08T17:52:18+00:00

i dont particulary fancy virgins or mildly "experienced" women, is just that the though of being with an "highly experienced" one is so hard for me, i tried it before, but as hard as i tried, i couldnt love her and the mere though of being romantic with her, having dinnner, being emotionally intimate and vulnerable, i cringed at all those things and couldnt bring myself to do it with her, we dont pick who we love nor who we are attracted for.

the best analogy to understand my pov is the next one, picture a woman with clean teeth and another one with rotten one, i wont particulary fancy the former for her dental hygiene, but i would definetly reject the latter over that, i guess it is the bare minimun for me.

2022-09-08T15:41:38+00:00

I think those are the only (valid) ones tbh

2022-09-08T22:52:07+00:00

I fall into a bunch of these camps

I’m a virgin myself and in my culture it’s considered a serious taboo for a guy or a girl to get into any premarital relationship and it’s only fair for that standard to apply to the woman I’m marrying if I’ve followed it.
Can be certain the child will be mine
No chance of STDs
I’d rather not have the girl moan someone else’s name
Less likely to cheat on me since a girl with a high bodycount would be likely be desensitized to intimacy and not value it the way I do
Less likely to divorce

I also don’t like it how this is labelled “insecurity.” There are red flags and reasons for concern.

abaxeron · 2022-09-08T23:06:00+00:00

Have you seen them HIV rates? "Well you can do a test..." A slut's test is barely reliable until the nearest evening. Incubation period is a thing.

MAGA-Latino · 2022-09-08T18:49:35+00:00

Would you rather have a new car or a used car? Do you want to pay for what everyone else has gotten for free?

Or to put it simply, it's just in our nature.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-09-08T16:30:03+00:00

I basically fall into all those camps apart from the last one.

I would add a further reason though.

''The femininity maximizer:'' Breaking the bond that a woman forms through sex is a traumatic experience that masculinizes her, making her cynical and stripping away some of her sweetness and gentleness each time it is done.

Blueexpression · 2022-09-08T19:23:25+00:00

We all know virgins lead to better marriage outcomes than sluts. She is probably tighter, wetter, and will never tell me which of her ex bf has a longer dick etc. I dont need her to be “experienced” either. Sucking a dick is not rocket science. Also, lets be honest, we dont need vrigins. We probably wont get them, but its nice.

Dependapotamus209 · 2022-09-08T17:16:50+00:00

Cannot compare me sexually to another person.
Doesn’t come with a ton of bad habits or baggage.
Doesn’t think they know everything and is willing to be trained for me only.
Doesn’t have STDs
Ensured paternity.
I feel extremely special to her.
Her parents probably raised her with values if she’s not very young. There’s more I can go on… I just took my wifes virginity 😁

_Duriel_1000_ · 2022-09-08T22:25:29+00:00

If you can afford a brand new car, why get a car with mileage?

sharksville · 2022-09-09T01:41:45+00:00

The choice is yours really. Do you want to buy a brand new car which you know that has never been used before, or do you want to buy a second hand car which has been used on the road before and has been slightly worn off? The brand new car comes with no defects, while the second has car has been to the mechanic at least once. Personally I chose a brand new car because I was happy knowing that I’m the first person to use it. In other words, I chose my wife who was a virgin at that time because we both got to have the honour of doing each other and taking each other’s virginity at that time. One of the best things that were both mutually proud of

ViolentTakeByForce · 2022-09-08T18:57:01+00:00

Speaking for myself, I prefer virgin or low body count for long term commitment/marriage. Has nothing to do with insecurity, short term relationships I’ve had comment they get upset I’m not “jealous” or “don’t care” about things that would show insecurity or jealousy. My real life response to that has generally been that I can’t waste my time with thoughts of what hoe shit they can be up to, if it’s anything semi serious and I find out they are doing shit I don’t like, I bounce. That simple.

Would have more to do with the values a person with low body counts or a virgin holds and in my experience, better decision making than those that were reckless with giving the 🐱 away.

2022-09-08T21:42:53+00:00

less baggage

shadyMFer · 2022-09-08T20:03:10+00:00

Women who are virgins at marriage are still happy in their marriage 80% of the time after 5 years. A woman who has had 5+ sex partners before marriage drops to 25%. Divorce is expensive, and women initiate 70% of them. Marrying a girl with a high N count is a recipe for disaster, statistically.

2022-09-08T16:26:06+00:00

For most of history, we can assume women and men slept with anyone they could. This is evident that other animals take mates and either leave or die afterwards. There is no idea of being monogamous and staying together save for a small amount of animal species. Speaking of which, Humans have only stayed together because with our intelligence and specifically our emotional intelligence understood that sticking with your mate is the closest bond you can form for protection of offspring and each other and even then infidelity(as we understand it) probably was commonplace even more common than today perhaps.

But for most of history, most Men can't get laid and natural selection in those times was a bitch. So skipping ahead to early civilization and we get to this idea that the rulers and people in power who have been getting as many women as they want need to be limited. Think about it, kings and the most powerful Men at the time were limited to only having 1 or just a few wives/consorts and they had to accept that.

So we understand that Humans intrinsically will know or reach the point of knowing that marriage is good and beneficial. And that a lawless society without any marriage laws is unfair for most people, especially Men. So we can assume that being limited to one wife or a few when capable of having more by being the top % Male then the woman must be of a higher quality i.e beautiful and attractive. But women(and men) will reproduce with desirable people given the chance(infidelity) so the idea of being a virgin or faithful came around. Because if the girl you're going to marry, you want to remain faithful. You want her to maintain her faithfullness before, during and after marriage(widows) You probably respect a pretty virgin over an ugly virgin if you had to choose because there is that unsaid understanding that the pretty virgin had a choice and choose to remain faithful compared to the ugly virgin who isn't given an opportunity to be unfaithful.

So all in all, the idea of monogamy only exists because average and below average Men needed it to exist. And that the trade off was that above-average and top males expected Women to be both attractive and faithful if they were going to take less partners. And now today if you are a confident above average Male you should expect to have a beautiful and faithful partner or otherwise what is keeping you from sleeping with as many as possible? Now reverse the positions and change a few sentences and this is all true for women aswell. So yeah if you have or know that you are an above average Man or Woman then you should expect a beautiful and faithful partner otherwise why not have as many partners as possible and ruin it for those that are ugly or below average.

dbz19_kai · 2022-09-09T05:52:12+00:00

The idea that my wife and mother of my kids has had sex with other men triggers an ick factor in me

OdeioVadias · 2022-09-08T19:17:54+00:00

The mere thought that another person touched my partner sexually disgusts me and i don't think she'd see our relationship as special, she'd probably see me as just one more person while the guy who took her virginity would be, well, the first. Plus if someone will have taken her virginity, i'd rather be the one to do it than anyone else.

Think about it like this: If you have coffe or tea, would you rather drink from a cup that someone had previously ejaculated in or a clean cup that has never been cummed in?

tired_hillbilly · 2022-09-08T20:25:42+00:00

2, 3, and 4.

But I want to clarify that insecurity isn't necessarily a shameful thing. You should be insecure about some things. I would be insecure about walking across a rickety rope bridge, because I don't really want to fall to my death. Seems reasonable right? I have seen a lot of people say they would end an otherwise-good relationship over bad sex. The more people she has had sex with, the more likely it is that one or more of those guys was better at it in some way than me, meaning she'll be disappointed in how I do. I don't want to get cheated on, go through a messy break-up or worse, a divorce, so it seems to be important to pay attention to N-count.

But I'm not flamingcoochies, it's not like virginity is all I look for in a partner. But it is something I think should be considered.

yvaN_ehT_nioJ · 2022-09-08T16:46:24+00:00

I guess my reasoning would fall into #4. Religion and general values etc, nothing noteworthy there.

There's also figures I've seen on "n-count" and long-term relationship stability that seem to correlate lower count with better odds at a relationship lasting. I would like to get married and raise a family and want to mitigate risk where I can; I grew up in a broken-home situation and don't want to continue that family "tradition!" Of course, in the real world things get a lot more complicated but in a vacuum it seems like a decent enough heuristic.

That said, I'm not holding out for a virgin. I'm in my late-20s and live in the United States so if I did I'd be waiting for a very long time. At this point I'm more concerned with shared values than whether they have an "N-count" of 0.

John_Von_Doom · 2022-09-08T17:21:52+00:00

A little bit of 1,2 and 3. Many times guys will also go out with girls who aren't quite over there ex. For instance I went on quite a few dates with a girl who told me she was always thinking about her ex (red flag I know but she was hot) and everytime she talked to a new guy she wanted to run back to her ex. Well after a few dates she calls me and says she wants to go back to her ex. This is all well and good, however the chances of this happening had she been a virgin would be drastically lower.

It just seems to me like there is less baggage if the girl is a virgin.

mrmoneytrain · 2022-09-08T18:24:57+00:00

Idk it’s just instinctive for me. I don’t judge others because idc what they do but I like women with less bodies. Why do women like tall hot rich guys? It’s instinctive

blueberriesdream · 2022-09-08T23:47:53+00:00

This is just my personal view point. Being in grad school in my early to mid 20's, having tradiitonal and family oriented values and also having a genre perspective, while being a woman. Yes, there are women who choose to stay virgins. And considering this when relating and getting to know someone for a prospective partner, I'd say that its a preference to prefer as a partner a person who as you are. Who is also a virgin and see's sex as a manifestation tha'ts a part of marriage. From a Christian and catholic view, having intimacy through sexual relations its a vulnerable moment to consume love. Therefore, its a way of presenting a self-donated love and eventually, procreating. This is my reasoning. From personal experiences, I have friends who share this belief as well, and other who don't. Yet I respect each person's choice.

Knight_of_Inari · 2022-09-09T00:09:08+00:00

I would like us both to have the same level of experience, to be equals. Also, discovering sexuality and intimacy together ad virgins sounds like quite the bonding experience, can't do the same with a woman that has already been in there.

Rexagon_2017 · 2022-09-09T01:30:32+00:00

Because. Reason has nothing to do with it, why does life need a reason?

Perfect_Promise_943 · 2022-09-09T01:40:46+00:00

Definitely 1,2,3 and 4. I personally don’t have 5.

veloron2008 · 2022-09-09T05:38:08+00:00

This emphasis on sex is way too high these days, which is unhealthy for relationships. Sex will always be more exciting with the new and unknown. There's so much more to life and relationships, so a fixation on sex is a major red flag in my view.

Women who remain virgins (or low n) either do not have this unhealthy fixation or they have the self mastery to control their urges until marriage or a serious relationship. Both are indications they were raised well and are strong positives in a long term relationship partner.

My own wife is n=1 and my ideal partner in so many ways. Intimacy with her is amazing even after 25 years. It always feels special precisely because it hasn't been given out freely and cheapened.

Female 'sexual expertise' only matters in paid sex workers, or women who offer their services for free on dating apps. An inexperienced virgin is so much better.

There's nothing that comes as naturally as intimacy with someone you're completely comfortable with. It is special and exciting to explore together. So much better than the ho-hum been there, done that from some oversexed person. Yuck.

Geep1778 · 2022-09-09T06:19:04+00:00

When I was a virgin I wanted my first to be with another virgin so it was new and special for both of us. I got my wish but after that 1 I felt like virgins were too much to deal with and I didn’t want to be that guy who was the asshole that stole the V card that someone regretted later in life. I think the appeal of virgins to some dudes who are older or in some cases a lot older than these girls is a fetish type thing potentially. Like they get to mold this young girl and turn her into the type of good lil slut you want her to be 😂 I’m half joking.. but also there’s a mental side to a virgin also. Being someone’s first to some is really special and if it’s a first love thing also it tends to be more innocent and pure as opposed to the girl who’s been ran thru 10+ times already or had her heart broken a time or 2. The virgins first experience w those emotions are all good and they have great expectations as it unfolds. Plus they dont know what’s theyre missing or have anything to compare it to. Idk mayb it’s just me but back when I was young and this was an issue those relationships were so simple compared to anything I’d ever have now. I’m into you you’re into me it’s all us vs the world because we’re dumb and “in love”.. love to a virgin is much different than to an adult. So to circle back.. a 50 year old man that’s salivating over some 22 year old virgin is thinking that he can mold her while she’s still sweet and also get to relive the innocence of when he was younger. It’s like a mainline of vigor or youth right into their soul… it’s revitalizing and refreshing because it’s so much better than say, the ex wife and her bitching and moaning and all those negative emotions associated w other exes. Here’s this untouched angel who can potentially become the perfect partner or at least be enjoyed minus any of the baggage non virgins come with. Just a few ideas Mayb nobody else thought Of.

CoC2018 · 2022-09-09T07:26:31+00:00

So I can pop that pussy like a balloon

Euphemia006 · 2022-09-09T23:09:12+00:00

The amount of women answering by shaming, putting down the men who just want virgin women, it is worrisome.

Why do the women on here like to do that? You people will defend to death any woman who only want to date men: taller her (while said woman is not tall herself), only earning x amount (while said woman makes less), only experienced men (she despises virgin, wether she is a virgin herself or not). All those will be seen as just said woman standards, so other women see nothing wrong with that. Should a man dare to question those standards, he is misogynist, pathetic incel.

But, a man just says " I just to be with a virgin, even if I am not a virgin myself (or he is a virgin)" Boom women get mad and will call him all names.

Why are you people such hypocrites?

So a man does not have the right to have standards?

I do not understand the women on here anymore.

no_bling_just_ding · 2022-09-10T16:20:05+00:00

1+2+4 for me

Frequent-Tailor4928 · 2022-09-11T05:15:00+00:00

For some it could be insecurity (for example if they have a small dick and fear she will compare it to her past guys). for me I get off only if the girl is innocent/inexperienced and shy, makes her seem more submissive

Title	To those who want virgin partners - why?
Author	Upper_Combination375
Upvotes	35
Comments	369
Date	September 8, 2022 2:57 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/x92nh1/to_those_who_want_virgin_partners_why/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/to-those-who-want-virgin-partners-why.1131751 https://theredarchive.com/post/1131751

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