If a woman has guys friends are they all trying to get with her or are they truly friends?

baresquad · 2023-04-24T19:01:41+00:00

Y’all gotta realize that there’s no real answer to this stuff.

I have women friends and I’m not trying to get with them. There are men with women friends who are desperate to get with them. It can literally go either way, you can’t say whether they all are or aren’t.

If you connect with a woman and want an answer, get to know her and find out for yourself and don’t rely on generalizations.

TheSongsInYourHead · 2023-04-24T19:32:23+00:00

I don't think most men are really trying to smash their female friends, just that they would if given the opportunity. I also think for a non-insignificant number of such friendships, the only reason they are just friends is because she wasn't interested in dating. This doesn't mean they aren't real friends though.

or you could be so close to them that the thought of it becoming sexual is out of the question.

I don't know if this is how it works for other people, but the closer I grow to a woman, the more enticing the idea of a relationship with her sounds.

Warm_Gur8832 · 2023-04-24T19:02:02+00:00

I think seeing these things as black and white blinds people to the reality that everything in life just isn't that way.

I feel attracted to a ton of people but that doesn't mean I feel enough of it to fuck them nor does it mean that I don't value a friendship enough to not jeopardize it.

It's fine to be attracted to friends, you decide how to proceed with it though.

shine_light888 · 2023-04-24T21:49:27+00:00

In my experience as a woman. I haven’t been able to be friends with heterosexual men very often. I would have loved to, but they usually ruin the friendship. It’s so disappointing too.

They lead me to believe that they want to be friends.. I have believed them. I then start to let loose a bit more, start to let my guard down and it never fails.. bam 💥, they try to have sex. I then am appalled because I know once that line is crossed the friendship is over and so I almost pretend not to notice them hitting on me.. I truly wanted a male friend..

Some women get to have guy friends and it’s not fair.. some women are great at speaking a guy’s language and hanging with sports groups. If I tried that I’d be patronized and mocked. I’m just very girly and feminine..

Straight guys can’t be friends with girly girls is more of the problem.. they can hang with lesbians and boyish chicks.

Now gay guys I can be friends with all day long.

themostgianthorse · 2023-04-24T21:20:27+00:00

Are they all actively trying? Probably not.

Would they all if propositioned? Maybe not all but definitely some.

HobbitShaker88 · 2023-04-24T19:14:14+00:00

It depends on the guy.

Ive always had more male friends than female friends in my life and I have had some men who are "orbiters" as you all call it, but its a much smaller % than you think. My longest lasting male friendships are with men who like me but not romantically.

MarBitt · 2023-04-24T22:43:53+00:00

I had female friends that I would have liked to have sex with if I was single and they were single. But because I or they have always been in a relationship, sex was out of the question.

Wanting sex and trying to have sex are two different things. If not, I'll try to fuck every third woman I meet on the street as soon as the summer heat starts.

eefr · 2023-04-24T20:28:51+00:00

I have plenty of male friends who are in no way trying to sleep with me, nor am I interested in them in that way.

Similarly, I am attracted to women as well, but I'm not trying to sleep with most of my female friends.

People can just be friends with each other. Not everyone is trying to fuck everything with their preferred genitalia.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-04-24T19:18:20+00:00

I'm a reasonably good-looking woman and I have male friends that aren't trying to get with me. I think that even if some feelings develop that doesn't mean that person isn't your friend. A friend of mine asked me out years ago, I wasn't interested, he was okay with that. Years later, we're still friends and I'm trying to find some little gifts for his kids. I've had FWB that I'm still friends with even after we stopped sleeping together. I've caught feelings for friends that weren't interested in me and we're still friends.

Just because you're attracted to someone doesn't mean you only value them because of that attraction.

VTHokie2020 · 2023-04-24T21:44:19+00:00

Depends. Hard to make broad assertions like this.

I think in younger cohorts any remotely attractive woman will have guys disguised as friends who are obviously interested in her.

Character_Cod_4280 · 2023-04-24T23:02:26+00:00

A week ago, me and my girlfriend got in a mini fight and we took a small "break". Well this info leaked via one of her friends and she had 3 guys hitting her up for a date that very same day.

If the friends don't find each other attractive then yes I think they can just be friends. Also if she or he doesn't cheat then they can be friends.

Loud_Definition6669 · 2023-04-24T19:02:52+00:00

Define "trying to get with her". If you're an attractive woman, you are well aware that virtually all heterosexual men would smash under the right conditions. If they observe normal boundaries and genuinely like hanging out I'm not going to fill my head with thoughts pondering about whether they've jerked off to me or not. I don't have time for that shit.

noobcodes · 2023-04-25T00:58:45+00:00

I feel like you can be attracted to a woman but still value her as a person and friend. It’s not black or white like that.

Of course, actively trying to fuck her is different than simply being willing to if given the opportunity

reignoferror00 · 2023-04-24T19:04:46+00:00

The thought of it becoming sexual is out of the question? That's a step too far to seriously consider.

Unless the guy is head over heels for someone, and the feeling is returned, the odds he's going to have at least thoughts about a woman he finds attractive are very good. If it is a friend who he really likes as a person even more so, not less so.

If he's one of the "top tier" guys who always has lots of choices for women, I can't say about that.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-04-24T19:40:49+00:00

Could be either. I wouldn't assume one or the other without further information.

Heartbreaker34 · 2023-04-24T19:50:13+00:00

No one answer fits all with these types of question but i do genually think their are some guys who just want to be freinds.

UpstairsValue6799 · 2023-04-24T20:58:03+00:00

Its not an ether or situation.

I have had unrequited loves. Thats basically been my entire love life. Once I confess my feels, they draw away or seek to take advantage of my emotions. They were unwilling to be my girlfriend and also not great friends.

One girl how ever shot me down and chose to maintain that friendship with me. I could genuinely feel her care. She found a guy she is gonna marry and shit is hard sometimes. Hearing her talk about her sex life is not a good time in anyway shape or form. Especially since I am a virgin.

But I had made a commitment to put to rest my feelings for her because I prefer my life with her friendship in it than without.

Not gonna take her if she comes to me after breaking it off with her fiance though. That ship has sailed a long time ago

RevolutionaryOkra679 · 2023-04-24T21:50:20+00:00

If she’s hot, then yes. If she’s ugly, then it’s probably platonic. Jesus you people act like this is rocket science or something

dowehavetoreally · 2023-04-25T00:09:07+00:00

Here is the kicker.

Women think NONE of their male friends would want to sleep with them given the chance, meaning 100% of women are wrong about this.

Then they get mad at male partners who raise an eyebrow to too many chummy male friends.

And they get even MADDER when HE goes out and has some FEMALE friends and says:

"Hey, just like you, I have opposite sex friends!"

And she be like:

IT'S NOT THE SAME THING.

Then you get no sex and she takes the dog when she breaks up with you.

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-04-25T10:22:10+00:00

I've found since giving up looking for love and relationships and making peace with being alone my friendships with women have got better.

Since I've no longer any expectations I can now focus on getting to know them better as friends and aquantances.

Mitoza · 2023-04-24T19:11:57+00:00

The belief that men and women can't be friends can only be held by anti-social losers.

bifewova234 · 2023-04-24T19:16:29+00:00

If you want to have a meaningful platonic friendship with an attractive women then you accept that there is no romance, no sex and there will never be sex. If she propositions then you reject her because you were never there for that and thats not what she is to you.

NotMattDamien · 2023-04-24T21:41:06+00:00

No real answer to this, but best case scenario is when both parties have something to lose. Like 2 married couples being friends or when BOTH friends have significant others that are know about. Even then there are exception that will still cheat. But any rational person would have a problem if their significant other had a single friend of opposite sex that they didn’t really know.

General_Erda · 2023-04-24T22:12:18+00:00

Depends on the guy, and on his relationship status.

Married early 30s guy with at least 1 kid? He's not interested in the slightest.

pedzuo · 2023-04-24T21:50:11+00:00

This is the most retarded fucking topic ever.

Yes if an obese homeless offered a man discrete sex 70%+ would take it. That’s how men work.

95% of the time they’re not trying to actively fuck their female friends. However if they happen to be together, alone and the girls says “Hey I’m really horny wanna fuck?” yes the vast majority of guys would do it.

You can’t let it gatekeep female-male friendships lol or else there wouldn’t be any

Petyr111 · 2023-04-24T21:32:12+00:00

No sane men would actually want to be friends with a woman. He can get anything related to friendship with other guys and with less cost and more quality. Also, who most benefit from the friendship is the woman. Not the man.

Men waste energy and money having and sustaining female friends. They are expensive.

wtknight · 2023-04-24T18:56:39+00:00

If the guy is already taken and he’s the loyal type then that guy and an attractive woman can be friends.

2023-04-24T20:32:07+00:00

If they are gay, then just friends. If not, then they want to get with her yes. There can not be true friendship between man and woman, just like between men if they're straight.

Rare-Abbreviations54 · 2023-04-24T20:41:21+00:00

No they cant really be friends

Early-Christmas-4742 · 2023-04-24T19:02:58+00:00

"Friends" is a pretty vague term. If they hang out in the same group and chat at social events, probably just friends. If they're constantly hanging out one on one and on the phone to each other like besties, he's probably trying to go balls deep.

Medium_Let143 · 2023-04-24T19:02:56+00:00

I have a lot of guy friends and I think they're fine being just friends. I wouldn't think they have sexual thoughts. It can't be that unusual to just be friends.

bootyhunter69420 · 2023-04-24T19:59:18+00:00

Most of them would take the chance if it arises if they are single

MrHustleTopG · 2023-04-24T18:54:28+00:00

If she’s ugly she’s alright but if not they’ve all probably thought about fucking her

Safinated · 2023-04-24T19:17:26+00:00

Depends on the individual motivations, no?

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WowYouMustBeJoking · 2023-04-24T18:59:51+00:00

Depends on how you define friends. One of very common definitions includes being honest/not having secrets and then if those guys are pretending to not want to get with her but would given the chance, then they are not her friends.

KingWhoCared86 · 2023-04-24T19:36:27+00:00

Most times I’m just being friendly since they typically initiate the conversation/friendship. That being said I’d absolutely sleep with them if the opportunity came up. However, I’m not currently trying to push anything toward that direction and I’m ok with being friends.

Spyro7x3 · 2023-04-24T20:25:25+00:00

I'm friends with girls I would rate as objectively attractive. I don't invest heavy emotions into them and I don't care if they're fucking other guys this is how I know its possible. Once feelings are involved though no its not possible

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-04-24T22:13:22+00:00

If they know about you and especially if they’ve met you and hung out with you and they’re still around, they’re probably not actively trying to get with her. They probably would if given the chance, but chances are she doesn’t feel the same about them.

Now if she has a “guy friend” who has done the slow fade and doesn’t really hang out with you guys, and just occasionally pops back up to check if she’s still in a relationship? Yeah, he’s trying to get with her and not a genuine friend. She may view him as a friend, but he doesn’t view her as one.

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2023-04-24T23:02:04+00:00

My oldest friend is a dude, the majority of my friends are dudes. The last time someone asked me why my best friend and I never dated, we made eye contact and simultaneously said "ew" in the exact same tone of voice, because we see each other as family.

In my opinion, if you can't be friends with the opposite sex, it's because you lack impulse control, emotional maturity, or both.

dumbumbedeill · 2023-04-24T23:57:36+00:00

The woman were trying to get with me or i was trying to get with the womans

Ohmaygahh · 2023-04-25T00:10:21+00:00

I girl I went on a date with admitted that she had a threesome with a long time friend of hers and his wife.

It's not that the guy friend is actively trying to smash, but he's there. Lying in wait. He won't say no if the opportunity for smashing comes up.

So if there is a "passive" yes, is the friendship null and void?

totallyworkinghere · 2023-04-25T00:13:57+00:00

I met my current group of friends about 10 years ago through a local meetup group. Within the first 3 months one of them asked me out, and I married him.

I later learned two other guys were interested in me at the time, but now the idea of being with them is just absurd tbh. They're great dudes but I know them enough to know we'd never be compatible.

I highly doubt that either of those guys are still interested in me. One of them is focusing on his career and living his life, the other has a girlfriend who's just a wonderful person. If they'd secretly been hoping for a decade that we'd just hook up, it would feel like a huge betrayal on so many levels.

The other guys in the group have straight up never shown interest. In fact the only ones who have told me they'd sleep with me, no strings attached despite our friendship, were women in the group.

CostAncient1473 · 2023-04-25T00:14:26+00:00

That truly depends. We live in an era where Females can bang their friend without any signature of them being officially in love in the first place.

Not sure how common, but it's a thing every now and then.

PiscesPoet · 2023-04-25T00:47:27+00:00

From experience, yes? I basically had to cut all of them off because they tried it. Even guys I knew back when we were in school

But that’s my personal experience, I can’t speak for others

PMmeareasontolive · 2023-04-25T01:26:27+00:00

They are truly friends but the two aren't mutually exclusive. There's even something called "friends with benefits" where people blend the two to whichever degree.

I have one female friend I think is cute. I don't think she's into me, and that's fine. But if she ever propositioned me I'd probably go with it. That will probably never happen and that's fine too. I don't think about it other than noticing that she's cute once in a while.

On the other hand, I'm friends with an ex who I think is cute, but we know we aren't compatible in the bedroom. We mix like oil and water. So there's no temptation there even. And there are some other women I know that are like that (I don't have a lot of women friends, they are more acquaintances at this point, like co workers I'm friendly with). I admire them but I know we wouldn't work together.

Willow-girl · 2023-04-25T03:23:59+00:00

Unless the friends are strictly circumstantial (i.e., co-workers) they probably want to get in her pants.

Ludens0 · 2023-04-25T07:01:10+00:00

How old are you, 12?

Bestusername316 · 2023-04-25T08:31:14+00:00

Most straight men would clap their female "friends" cheeks if given the chance.

People use the term friend loosely.A lot times they are just friendly coworkers,acquaintances or associates.

Mentathiel · 2023-04-25T09:02:09+00:00

All of my male friends were into me at one point or another. It ended a lot of friendships, some we've managed to maintain despite it and I think they've gotten over it, they're happily married or coupled and it hasn't come up for years. They certainly aren't trying anything anymore. I don't know if it's possible in theory, I definitely have male friends who were never into me, but any of them that I get personally one on one close with rather than just hanging out in the same circles ended up liking me.

Crafty_Letter_1719 · 2023-04-25T09:18:07+00:00

They might not actively be trying to get with her but they almost certainly would get with her given the chance.

Whether you can “truly” be friends if there is always a sexual undercurrent on one side is another question but “platonic” relationships in the dictionary definition sense very rarely exist between heterosexual men and women.

It’s hilarious that most people agree that men are so horny they would have sex with a sock but for some reason they are suddenly asexual when it comes their female “friends”.

If a woman with a bunch of male “friends” genuinely maintains they don’t want to sleep with her it must really play havoc with her ego. Why not? Why do they just want to be friends? How hideous do you have to be for a perpetually horny, heterosexual, sex starved guy to only be interested in you so he finally has somebody to talk about shoes and Taylor Swift with.

Unless a woman is truly delusional they all know that the foundation of their relationship with their male “friends” is built on him finding her sexually attractive and her enjoying his attention. This is not to say that there can’t also be a genuine human connection beyond anything sexual but it is almost always bubbling under the surface for one of them.

Get_Cheersed · 2023-04-25T09:52:09+00:00

It’s very rarely platonic in my experience. If somebody would engage in sex with their friend then it’s not platonic unfortunately. Which means it’s a bit disrespectful to your partner. Always exceptions though

domdomdom333 · 2023-04-25T09:56:41+00:00

For most cases not initially but I believe they'll develop feelings for her eventually, simply on the basis that men have these sort of friendship rarely, and will mistake affection for just friendly care.

Unless there's some outer factor, like being related, conflicts with deal-breakers or anything else.

KayRay1994 · 2023-04-25T11:59:42+00:00

a good amount are, sadly - because from what i’ve noticed guys are driven by the primary imperative to fuck, but there also many who straight up are just trying to be friends. I’d frankly encourage more guys to be friends with girls, if anything cause you get to learn the female pov, its usually a comfortable place to be vulnerable and frankly, y’all need more women in your lives, especially platonically

Khanluka · 2023-04-25T13:10:49+00:00

Try no there plenty of men that wont try. But if the woman was the one insited they would not say no.

SyrusDrake · 2023-04-25T15:24:23+00:00

I think this kind of question is difficult to answer in the narrow framework within which our society usually defines sexuality and relationships. Like...all relationships are either platonic or sexual and if there is a sexual component, it's assumed that the man makes it his top priority. On the other hand, if the relationship is primarily platonic, any sexual component is taboo. I think human relationships just don't work this way.

I have several female friends who are "truly" my friends. If they offered to have sex, I'd (probably) take the offer in most cases. But that doesn't mean I'm trying to get with them. It doesn't even mean I think about having sex with them in any regular fashion.

begayallday · 2023-04-25T15:42:10+00:00

I have a lot of male friends but one or more of the following applies to each of them

-gay

-a whole lot younger or older than me

-in a committed relationship

-someone I was in a long term relationship with in the past

canadianatheist1 · 2023-04-25T19:49:35+00:00

No.
I have a group of friends since high school. there is about 12-16 of us in the group that have stuck together throughout our adult lives( its been 17 years). not one of us is trying to seduce the other. We are friends and that is it.

ZealousidealAd7191 · 2023-04-25T19:55:51+00:00

Men have active and passive strategies. They’re not always necessarily “trying to smash” but they most likely would if the opportunity presented itself. A man notices a woman is attractive immediately. And any woman a man thinks is attractive is a woman is a woman he would, or has thought if having sex with. Especially if they are close.

zaph239 · 2023-04-25T21:22:42+00:00

Men are caught in a cache 22. If they are straight and honest about wanting sex, they are creep shamed. If they try to get to know a woman first, they are told they are abusing a friendship and are creep shamed.

Since men can't win either way, the best option is to simply ignore what women think.

carmenknisely · 2023-04-25T21:37:21+00:00

I don’t have any male friends due to this issue

No-Republic-2952 · 2023-04-25T22:54:57+00:00

just because someone is conventionally attractive doesn’t mean that everyone wants to fuck them.

I definitely think feelings can develop, since confusion can happen. e.g. are they flirting or do you two just get along really well? are you attracted to them, or just really comfortable around them? I think a lot of overthinking happens. from a female point of view, it’s sometimes do they like me as a friend or are they flirting with me right now? kind of like picking up on signals.

I think a fair amount of guys would get with their female friends if given the chance, and so would the women too. however, they might know each other from childhood or they might have bonded over an experience. they might have such a strong level of closeness, that anything other than pure friendship is gross.

they might know things about their friend that would put them off getting with them. e.g. knowing how they treat partners, or what they do/ don’t like sexually. risking ruining the friendship for an experience that might not be how it is in your head might put a lot of people off.

Wonderful-Team-1315 · 2023-04-26T02:42:32+00:00

Sometimes it's hard to discern whet men are trying to do because most of the time they're going off something the woman did.

FlexodusPrime · 2023-04-26T04:26:57+00:00

They might not be trying to get with the girl but no doubt would smash if the opportunity presents itself. Only time the guys would flat out reject is if they are in a relationship, gay, the chick is ugly, and/or turned off by her past.

Cupcakelover1985 · 2023-04-26T14:10:16+00:00

It depends on how much the woman in question cares about her guys friends romantic/sexual feelings towards her. I proactively cut off all my guy friends that had anything more than platonic/familial feelings towards me. Some women do the same but reactively. As in they’ll cut him off if he confesses but they don’t go digging to find out whether he’s attracted to her or not. Then other women will still be friends with a guy knowing he likes her. I’d say overall though it’s 50/50. If you have 10 guy friends 5 may want more from you while the other 5 don’t.

Cocolover99 · 2023-04-27T10:01:23+00:00

From my experience I think men can have the idea but I have never considered any of my friends as anything more than a friend.

I’ve had some friends who I’ve had for years and nothing ever happened, from my end. He may have developed feelings at some point because we were spending a lot of time together because of our studies and work but I never viewed him that way nor felt attracted.

For me I’m either attracted to you from the beginning or not I haven’t experienced the attraction forming later, if anything I think it’s supposed to die down.

My friend got over his crush and is openly talking to me about his other crushes and asks for advice

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2023-04-28T00:52:46+00:00

Most of my friends throughout my life have been women. I have no desire to sleep with any of them. I've only had one friend whom became a girlfriend, it lasted two years and we haven't spoken since. Dating relationships can ruin a friendship between men and women and I wouldn't want that to happen.

Far_Welcome101 · 2023-04-30T18:11:04+00:00

What about gay friends

Title	If a woman has guys friends are they all trying to get with her or are they truly friends?
Author	spankyourkopita
Upvotes	27
Comments	144
Date	April 24, 2023 6:49 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/12xsby0/if_a_woman_has_guys_friends_are_they_all_trying/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-a-woman-has-guys-friends-are-they-all-trying-to.1216776 https://theredarchive.com/post/1216776

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