CMV: Women don't have a reason to complain about men not putting in effort.

Radiant_Specific6542 · 2023-04-30T03:27:25+00:00

I purposely planned low effort dates in the beginning stages of dating. One of the best daying tweaks I ever made. There was literally zero downside.

Pathosgrim · 2023-04-30T11:56:30+00:00

Women don't put any effort into dating so they wouldn't know what effort is. Sitting back and waiting for an elite man to initiate a conversation isn't effort. Having no agency nor personal accountability absolves them from ever having to use effort.

daddysgotanew · 2023-04-30T12:24:04+00:00

When women say that they mean Chad that has 47 options doesn’t put in any effort.

Well no shit lady!

Ohyarlysmiles · 2023-04-30T08:26:05+00:00

Women who complain about whatever effort you're putting in = not into you so not worth consideration.

Women who are interested are happy to spend time with you.

If more men just stopped wasting their time and attention on the maybe Women, you'd see a lot of positive change.

Environmental_Day558 · 2023-04-30T02:17:33+00:00

This is why I am a strong proponent of the "low effort" first date. Something cheap enough to if she doesn't want a second date, you didn't really lose anything but time. Also nothing that requires a reservation or pre pay before hand, so if she ghosts you can chalk it up to the game without losing anything there. The nice dinners and fancy dates and so on are for later once you vet each other. If she isn't feeling that then she really isn't feeling you in the first place, so you didn't lose out much.

I've heard women complain that they have spend an hour or so getting ready (they really don't) like it's a huge deal.

They probably do, an hour isn't a long time for a woman to get ready. But what's funny is that they put in the same amount of time and effort to get ready for their own personal outings. Take a woman that works in an office, she's gonna get dressed up and do her hair, possibly makeup as well. She's not doing it for anyone but herself.

On that note, it's also funny to hear them justifying a man spending on then by saying they spend a lot on themselves to get ready, such as hair, nails, makeup, etc. That's also cap, most men don't care you got nail designs to match your dress lol. That is also for themselves because they feel it makes them look nice. They also have those materials to do makeup and hair on hand at home unless they go out to do it, which again would be for themselves.

_corpus_callosum · 2023-04-30T02:49:33+00:00

Unfortunately, the “all or nothing” mindset is probably the most accurate here, so I don’t criticize you for that.

However, all is at least something and if you give nothing you can expect nothing in return. This goes for both men and women.

You can’t go into a new potential relationship first date thinking, “I’ve been hurt so much in the past so I’m not even gonna try.” You’re stuck in a cycle of getting what you give and you’ll never be satisfied.

Can a woman you have a first date with blame you for not trying? Yes, because she’s not the one who ghosted you, hurt you, etc. so obviously you should put in the effort and give some potential or you can’t blame her for repeating the cycle you’re in.

BoopEverySnoot · 2023-04-30T07:04:13+00:00

So your argument isn’t that men ARE putting in effort, you’re just justifying why they don’t. Got it. 👍🏻 Edit for the person complaining for a mod: I challenge your statement because you started off saying it’s not true that men don’t put in an effort, then went on to explain why men don’t put in an effort. Your explanation challenges your own statement, as you went on to explain why men don’t plan nice dates, then continued with more reasons why men don’t and shouldn’t have to put in an effort. There were no supporting statements backing up his original argument that it’s not true that men don’t put in an effort.

anon018274031 · 2023-04-30T08:44:11+00:00

Why shouldn’t women moan that men (I assume this means you) don’t put effort in when you literally give about 10 reasons why you don’t put effort in. Aren’t they just pointing out what’s true?

Also your entire post can be switched and is my experience as a woman dating men. And yet I still put effort in when I was dating where as you seem to be trying to justify how little effort you put in?

It seems like dating isn’t for you so don’t do it- the constant rejections, ghosting, having to start over again wore me down so I STOPPED DATING. I highly suggest you do the same.

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2023-04-30T14:05:23+00:00

I agree. The problems with men putting in effort is when we do, it's not noticed or appreciated. Or the idea of what constitutes effort is different for men and women.

cjt11203 · 2023-05-01T03:43:29+00:00

Tbh it seems like every women have their own definition of bare minimum when it comes to dating. Some women were surprised that I actually took them out on dates because the men before me didn't even do that.

eefr · 2023-04-30T05:02:09+00:00

A lot of women complain that men 'don't put in effort anymore' and that's just not true and I don't think the complaints are valid.

I agree. People (men and women) put a variable amount of effort into dating. Broad generalizations like this simply aren't fair.

Nor is it fair to say women don't put effort into dating, or don't appreciate the effort their partners put into it.

You try to communicate with a girl and they lead you on, or don't allow anything to progress for arbitrary reasons.

Usually for valid reasons, I would think, even if you don't agree with those reasons.

If you're feeling like your efforts are misspent, perhaps go for low-effort first dates (e.g., meeting for a coffee) and put in more effort only after both of you decide to keep dating.

TheDustLord · 2023-04-30T02:26:16+00:00

This is correct. Women’s role in dating is to be worth men’s effort. I think a lot of them don’t realize how easy that is.

Key-Pineapple-1427 · 2023-04-30T02:08:33+00:00

I got called out multiple times for dressing too nice for a first date and now I dress how I would if I were to meet up with friends. Matched with this women 3 different times and would have good convos every time and when I would try and figure out a date to meet she would ghost me and message the next day like nothing happened and the cycle would continue

ROBYoutube · 2023-04-30T04:03:47+00:00

Would you really want to continue putting a lot of effort in when the only thing you get out of it is a loss of energy?

I am not a woman, but I think they might really like you to not continue trying to date them.

miffmufferedmoof · 2023-04-30T07:02:36+00:00

You try to communicate with a girl and they lead you on, or don't allow anything to progress for arbitrary reasons.

You go on a date pay, and the girl puts zero effort into having or even if it a good time, nothing comes out of it.

She doesn't have to have a reason why she doesn't want to continue a relationship with you. And she does have a reason, trust me. It's just probably one you don't like so you ignore it and then come online and tell the world she has no reason. She's not obligated to be attracted to you.

She does not owe you anything because you might have had a good time together. This goes both ways. You don't owe her anything, either.

This line of thinking is pretty creepy. You are saying all this as if you are owed something because you took a chick out on a date. Perhaps you are giving off NiceGuy vibes (hint: you are) and that's a red flag to her.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2023-04-30T06:08:14+00:00

I have not heard women complain that men as a whole don’t put in effort

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-04-30T02:13:47+00:00

What are you expecting to come from paying for a date?

sublimemongrel · 2023-04-30T02:45:23+00:00

So you’re not putting in the effort for the women who would put in the same effort for you or?

thetruthishere_ · 2023-04-30T12:42:48+00:00

A lot of 'not putting in effort' is not about the actual date. Its hygiene, coming in wrinkled clothes, dirty sneakers, not groomed beards, etc. Its also the 'Netflix and chill'. The guy just wants you to come to his house for a first meet, this is low effort, they just want sex.

Planned dates men ghost all the time too, this a people thing specially using OLD.

Your number 3, they may be 'arbitrary reason' to you but not her.

Are these women you take on dates sitting there mute? Did she come to the date looking rolled out of bed?

Did you also know you can have a good date/good time with someone but just not be into them? Good time doesn't equal they actually like you.

neetykeeno · 2023-04-30T03:48:46+00:00

Yes yes I hear you, it is all too hard to know a handful of fun places to go and to own a tuckable shirt that fits and a pair of sneakers that don't smell horrible. Feel free to stop trying. Keep being boring and looking and smelling like a mediaeval swineherd. That'll show 'em.

aphroditespearl · 2023-04-30T02:50:31+00:00

All you gotta do is be the one to plan the date. I’ve had guys come up with insanely high effort dates for the first date and it kinda freaked me out so I said no. But I also hate when they say “what do u wanna do?” Or “just come to mine/lemme come over and we’ll figure it out from there”. Just stick with a simple “hey I really wanna check out this new spot Friday night wanna go?” And make sure your hygiene is good.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-04-30T10:37:56+00:00

The problem is a lack of effort before the date then. If you concentrated on finding people you were actually compatible with and liked you so you could actually go on a date to, you know, try to start a relationship with someone you actually wanted and who wanted you back, you wouldn't be worried about these issues and come to dates already with a jaded mindset. (And really, it's considered a high-effort date to be fully present and interested in the other person and do something actually fun and exciting with them, and at least look like you didn't roll out of bed and put on the first thing you saw off your floor, even if no money is spent. Which isn't hard to do if you actually want to be there.)

MisterDrac303 · 2023-04-30T15:25:49+00:00

LoL straight men give the lowest effort

Do women require a hour to get ready? Sure some do. Some take longer. Wherever you’re wasting your energy that women do not see is on you, women do not owe you the time to see your efforts

I get it my experience is different because I love a high body county, I am polyamorous with my profiles open to all genders. Straight identifying males typically don’t read profiles and waste peoples time. Can’t even read my profile and take into account what I seek, rather it’s straight men telling us what they want and this weird feeling that we should do what they want anyway

You might put out effort but it’s not effort that women actually want

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red_man023 · 2023-04-30T06:08:31+00:00

Invite the woman out on a date but make sure it’s at least a week away. Prior to the date call and have a conversation with her. How free flowing and effortless the talks are will give you insight into whether or not it’s worth going through with the actual date.

Ohms2North · 2023-04-30T12:33:13+00:00

I take every first date to the same place. One drink only unless she’s amazing and the date is going really well. That way, I don’t have to think too much about planning and also I don’t have to keep track of where I’ve taken a girl.

HobbitShaker88 · 2023-04-30T20:16:48+00:00

Lol OP. EVERYTHING you listed women deal with. PEOPLE don't put forth effort. There, I fixed it for you.

begayallday · 2023-05-01T09:54:36+00:00

I have had all of your examples (except for the second one, never heard of that tbh) happen to me over and over again as a woman when I was dating men. I do try to put equal effort into dating, but with men it seems to backfire more than it helps. The only time is has done me any favors is when dating women.

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-05-02T15:51:53+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	CMV: Women don't have a reason to complain about men not putting in effort.
Author	FutureBannedAccount2
Upvotes	105
Comments	246
Date	April 30, 2023 1:59 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/133d0l0/cmv_women_dont_have_a_reason_to_complain_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-women-dont-have-a-reason-to-complain-about-men.1217776 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217776

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