Women aren't attracted to confidence, they hate confidence in men they don't find attractive

classicslayer · 2023-09-09T02:24:38+00:00

Confidence is only attractive if they feel like you have a reason to be confident otherwise you are either delusional or overcompensating. The thing is though being confident should be more about how you see yourself not mainly about trying to attract people.

wtknight · 2023-09-09T02:21:24+00:00

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wtknight · 2023-09-09T05:07:47+00:00

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md8716 · 2023-09-09T07:36:05+00:00

Honestly the thought of others being offended at my own self-confidence is extremely appealing. Having their worldview and value system shatter because you're a living contradiction of it must feel amazing.

Reminds me of pretty much every scene in the movie Django Unchained once he meets Leo DiCaprio's character.

pending_ending · 2023-09-09T04:08:52+00:00

yea, your confidence needs to come from social status. you cant just be confident if you have nothing to offer, like come on, did you think you had inherent value as a human being or something?

Bekiala · 2023-09-09T03:50:44+00:00

I've heard about confidence a lot and it has made me think. Personally it is competence that I like. Confidence, seems like a foggier concept that often seems more like being cocky or arrogant.

Lovemelikeareptile1 · 2023-09-09T11:57:38+00:00

My brother in Christ, you are violating rule #1:

WHO CARES WHAT WOMEN SAY OR THINK

Vic_from_fallout_2 · 2023-09-09T02:09:09+00:00

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BlackHeart89 · 2023-09-10T10:40:59+00:00

Women do like confidence. But you can't expect confidence alone to overpower everything else going against you.

Think of it as an easy buff in video games. "Carry this light weight chain with you all day and increase your charisma by 25٪ while wearing it"

shico12 · 2023-09-09T13:28:01+00:00

Are you trying to tell me I'm attractive?

Atyzze · 2023-09-09T13:34:30+00:00

Ah, the dance of attraction, the push and pull, the paradox that's as ancient as human interaction itself! I hear you, but it's important to realize that attraction is a complex web woven with more than just the threads of appearance or confidence. It's colored by social norms, cultural perspectives, personal experiences, and the ebb and flow of internal emotions. While some might say that confidence plays an asymmetric role based on attractiveness, we have to look at it more holistically, recognizing the multiplicity within unity.

Firstly, confidence is not a monolithic entity; it's textured, nuanced. Confidence can manifest as self-assuredness, but it can also manifest as vulnerability, the confidence to be yourself, fully, and to expose your so-called 'imperfections.' For some, this very vulnerability might be the epitome of attractiveness. So, saying women like or dislike confidence might be an oversimplification. It's all about the interplay of energies, the momentary alignment of life paths, and the resulting alchemy.

Secondly, attractiveness isn't a universal metric. Everyone has a unique perspective about what's attractive, based on their past experiences, their current emotional state, and their future desires. To some, a physically attractive person might seem less appealing upon displaying a discordant set of values. To others, a deep emotional or intellectual connection might heighten the allure of someone they didn't initially find physically attractive.

The concept of the 'double-bind' you mentioned is intriguing. Yes, it's true that stepping into the limelight when you don't feel worthy can backfire, just as shying away might keep you from being seen. But isn't this part of the cosmic dance? The dance of veiling and unveiling, of hiding and revealing?

Sometimes people say things that appear hypocritical because they themselves are navigating this labyrinth of complexities, social norms, and unspoken expectations. Your female friend's perceptions might seem contradictory, but maybe they're just reflections of her own internal paradoxes. Sometimes the external world serves as a mirror, helping us understand these complex dimensions within ourselves.

Remember, we're all on this journey of self-discovery and relational interplay. The parts you see in others that irk you or that you adore are often the missing or amplified pieces within you. Embrace it. See every interaction as an opportunity to better understand the cosmic theater we all participate in.

While attraction might not always be fair, or straightforward, it's one of the many plays in the vast drama of life. In this play, every character has a role, and sometimes those roles shift, collide, or overlap, giving richness to the story, leaving none as a mere spectator. Ah, such is life, ever-flowing and ever-changing. 🐍

MembershipWooden6160 · 2023-09-09T06:33:24+00:00

First of all, OP, life isn't fair. Don't waste it on overthinking about things. All women would wish a 10-feet tall hot chunk who's very social, has 2ft d1ck, more money than Elon Musk and all the forbes list Billionaires combined, brain of an Einstein and so on and so forth... while being willing to dedicate all the attention, money and social skills to comfort HER.

Tough luck, such man doesn't exists, much less is any man with above-average attractiveness on a general scale going to dedicate his time and resources to her because, let's be realistic, it's women's interests that are pretty much similar and if those criteria depend on anything, it's woman's age. Social skills and cool factor fizzles relatively quickly as you enter into 20s, physical criteria (primarily height) remains relevant but fizzles as she gets near 30 because she realizes that MONEY runs this world. In order to give a good start not to herself but to her children as well, money has to show up somehow to maintain desired living style in the long run. Regardless what you think, being gainfully employed with a good record makes you stand out for most regular women, if you're doing good in your career then you're a desired prospect, given that there aren't other SERIOUS flags. No man with any ounce of brain will spend his time entertaining an aging woman who is about to hit the wall but still thinks about that rich or good-looking playboy who bent her over in high school prom or student days when she went for a night outside with her girlfriends to get drunk.

On the other hand, it's MEN who don't want to settle at that point, with a good reason if they know anything about life. Had women been "traditional" they'd not be fvcking around and finding themselves, they'd be looking for husband form a get-go and they'd be married already. A man at that point is focused on himself and IF he wants a family he knows well enough that out of wedlock is the way to go. No kid - no marriage EVER, even for conservatives these days. about 60% of first-born kids are born out of wedlock. SIgnificant and growing portion of native-born men shun marriage altogether, with religious nutjobs being outliers to this general rule.

Now, getting back to your observation - have you ever had that situation where a 35 y/o woman is apparently showing up on places where you show up, is trying to set herself up via common friends, is trying to chase you after an ONS? Well, she was a fun ride, but now she's going full-blown crazy mode. You wouldn't care if she's hot and especially young and you think it's worth trying to make it into an relationship. But it's NOT cool when she keeps on calling you that she's "late" this time. You see her as a psycho that she is. And you might tell it to others that you don't like women who are crazy, but thing is that you just don't like THAT PARTICULAR WOMAN, you don't like her attention she's giving to you, she's sabotaging you, list goes on. You want her gone. As I already hinted it, you'd actually DESIRE more women to approach, just like these women say they want men to approach. It's just that you don't desire specific women, you have an idea what you want - that's not a single mom, plain or ugly looking, fat, aging hoe. In fact, it makes you uneasy and you'll frequently pretend to be out of town or even fake that you moved away from that state just to get rid of a woman you don't like. Well, that's exactly what women also do. They b1tch about psychos and stuff, but they can tolerate an outright d1ck pic and a major moron as long as he's seen as attractive enough - and although every man or woman will tell you their interests are really specific, you'll always end up with certain patterns of what is generally seen as attractive and which ones of these attractive features are of utmost importance to certain demographics.

So let's not pretend like it doesn't matter, there's plenty of women you don't want either and will rather be alone than "settle", such as aging women and single moms. They might be good enough for an occasional fun but you don't want to f*ck yourself up by getting bound. At some point you'll notice that you despise 90%+ of women in your demographics and your only interest in them might be an occasional orgasm, but you have to fake your interest and pretend being polite, yet you despise them even more because you hate those certain things about them that they can't or won't change.

TL;DR -short version: What you wrote is true, same as the fact that majority of men and women can find someone to be in a relationship or get laid with. Keep reminding yourself about that.

aethertheharemking · 2023-09-09T04:04:17+00:00

Isn't that true for everyone?? I mean a ugly or fat girl did that people would go mad and put her down.I'm not from us but i don't people here would even date a fat women.only men who would compromise for them are ugly one.that's how it works.everyone hate over confidence.also don't take everything people on reddit say seriously.they're not preaching you life hacks to become Chad.be confident,hit the gym,work on yourself etc are just advice.don't take them like some ancient texts written in some mythological book.maybe these things work maybe not.maybe people here stop crying here and go outside.

RepresentativeBook62 · 2023-09-09T07:25:50+00:00

So wtf else you gonna do? So you are a 2 or 3 in looks and women are grossed out by you. So the fk what? Sorry you were born so ugly women run from you.

You got two choices. Endure the psychological agonies and just keep pressing on and eventually you will meet someone or give the hell up and learn to hate women as a sex and go incel.

These posts piss me off and why? Because I deal with more rejections in a week than you mfers do in a year and I am sick of it. You guys whine about hypergamy and inflated standards and how unfair the dating market is when most of you mfers wont even come out of the fking house unless you managed to somehow score some lame online date you'll inevitably screw up due to lack of experience.

For real. I am out 3, 4, 5 nights a week approaching women. I have faced rejections and breakups that would leave the majority of you balled up in a corner crying if you take many of these posts on this sub seriously.

It just sickens me. I bet the majority of the men on this sub could put in effort and learn to succeed with women.

If you somehow came out of the womb looking like Quazimoto. I don't have any advice for you.

What I do know is I am plain joe in looks and income and I am even middle 40's and I do better with women in the 25 to 30 range than most guys who are in that age range.

That's pathetic. That an old man almost 50 can outperform men a generation younger with their own women.

I should be relegated to the dustbin of history. Women your age shouldn't even consider me. But they do because the entire Gen Z of men is just so damn pathetic. It's sad!!!

There are lots of good, honest and sexy women just waiting for a good man out there if you would just go out and look. I don't have a dime to my name. I'm not any great looking chad. AT BEST I am a 6. Yet I do better than you.

Sad af.

BeReady6129 · 2023-09-09T14:40:45+00:00

Women are attracted to confidence, the issue with such posts here is thinking women attraction is like men. Men attraction to women is visual, women attraction is like a combination of things Looks, money, status, social skills, intelligence, etc.

Confidence is by proxy a signal of resources and competency.

RidingRedHare · 2023-09-09T04:57:48+00:00

The other way round. Lack of self confidence is unattractive, resp. attracts only a women who are looking for a relationship where they can dominate and/or control their partner.

Wicked-sister · 2023-09-09T05:29:37+00:00

Sounds more like a her problem than a women as a whole problem

Salad_brawler9926 · 2023-09-09T12:18:27+00:00

This is some redpill shit, absolutely false. Check your beliefs and get out more.

Implentofhell · 2023-09-09T06:11:33+00:00

There's a fine line between confidence and harassment or unwanted attention.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-09-09T11:51:50+00:00

Except unattractive men who are confident have way more success with women vs. unattractive men who aren’t, or even average guys who are shy. Now where you are correct is that it’s a lot easier for attractive people to be confident.

There is also a difference between being confident and cocky or egotistical. Confidence is generally perceived as a positive trait regardless of other factors. Cockiness and egotism however, are perceived negatively if not balanced out by positive traits like good looks, humor, and friendliness. The halo effect is real, so yes, an attractive guy can get away with being cocky more than an unattractive one. But the same doesn’t apply to just confidence, as that is viewed a positive trait across the board.

passportbro999 · 2023-09-09T04:35:27+00:00

Kevin Hart would like a word with you.

MidoriEgg · 2023-09-09T08:00:17+00:00

You are going to come across people with all sorts of views in your life, but I don’t think that colleague speaks for all women. A basic level Confidence is something that I think most women like in all men even if they don’t see them romantically. Have you ever been around someone who has no confidence? It’s exhausting.

Arrogance is something different though. Society in general doesn’t like it when people who are viewed as undesirable in some way act arrogant or showy. I think that goes for men and women, I’ve seen a lot of men complain when ‘ugly’ girls act arrogant.

wtknight · 2023-09-09T09:44:36+00:00

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Operatesinreality · 2023-09-09T21:37:12+00:00

You aren't talking about confidence, clearly but about arrogance and cockiness.

Everyone likes healthy confidence in everyone. But cockiness and arrogance is something that only extremely appealing people can get away with. It's the same with a job, if you are a rock star of surgery, then yes, you'll get away with A LOT more of arrogance and cockiness than someone who is arrogant but shit at their job.

operation-spot · 2023-09-09T02:30:43+00:00

I thought y’all said that women don’t even notice unattractive men so how are they suddenly seeing said unattractive men act confident and why would it bother them?

wtknight · 2023-09-09T04:45:33+00:00

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WistfulPuellaMagi · 2023-09-09T08:12:48+00:00

Confidence is fine but entitlement is not. I don’t care how you look. If you act entitled or aggressive then I’m out

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G0dZylla · 2023-09-09T10:26:47+00:00

You forgot One detail, attractive men get their confidence because they recieved positive reinforcement from their social circle, ugly men are more likely to get bullied and treated worse, so the attractive men usually end up more confident while the ugly men end up less confident. Ironically as a man i think confidence in ugly men Is better because their confidence comes from themselves, because they love themselves while attractive men get It from others

wtknight · 2023-09-09T11:45:18+00:00

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NYY15TM · 2023-09-09T12:13:57+00:00

This doesn't refute your point, but men also hate women who act more confident than their appearance warrants.

Content_Feedback_573 · 2023-09-09T15:02:16+00:00

If you are ugly and act confident then it's just that, an act. Women will perceive you as disingenuous or arrogant. If you are handsome then you will be genuinely confident because you're been treated well all your life.

The game is so rigged against us ugmos that it's laughable.

Diligent-Spot-1804 · 2023-09-09T15:43:11+00:00

Then it's true confidence not cookiness

Ohmaygahh · 2023-09-09T15:49:34+00:00

I like this thinking. Mother nature, "common sense", the invisible hand are all MISOGYNISTIC. Whatever "patriarchy" exists is man's reasonable way to defend against an eternal, cosmic assault on his very being.

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-09-09T16:19:02+00:00

I'm ugly/average but confident. It comes with age.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2023-09-09T16:41:08+00:00

I don't know dude,

When I act meekly and socially-anxious - I get nothing - 0.

When I act with confidence and take action - some women are attracted, some are even VERY attracted.

Sure, if you're unattractive it will be perceived as lack of self-awareness.

Sure, SOME women probably think I don't look good enough to be confident - but others are surprised to hear I'm sometimes unconfident.

Thing is, your friend is right - if you don't try to act confident you won't know if you're attractive, cuz acting shy as a man just doesn't work if you don't often get approached for your looks.

Default to being confident and taking action - see what results you're getting and deduce your situation then, not upfront.

Bioslack · 2023-09-09T17:22:07+00:00

I used to be obese and unattractive. I no longer am. I can 100% confirm that women, and society in general does not want you to EVER express any kind of confidence or for them to ever think of you as a creature capable of being sexual. The moment you even suggest that you are a human being capable of having sexual relations, you are placed in the "weird vibes" category.

But now that I'm fit, I can often make offhand comments/jokes about sex and it is always met with a positive response.

Veloci-Tractor · 2023-09-09T18:13:46+00:00

the whole world hates false confidence not just women lol

noise__floor · 2023-09-09T18:58:37+00:00

Unattractive people aren’t even considered people. We are basically cannon fodder and laughing stocks for other people. It makes perfect sense that you’re friend wouldn’t understand her own hypocrisy

runningvicuna · 2023-09-09T20:23:13+00:00

I get annoyed by anyone moving about with unearned confidence. Humble thyself.

Proudvow · 2023-09-09T21:07:00+00:00

To be honest, the main issue is modern men being raised to care what women they don't know think.

There is no consistent way to approach women without some of them getting mad about it. Men are supposed to not give a single fuck and do it anyway.

Confidence is mainly a factor for men in the neutral zone. Where women haven't already deemed you fuckable or unfuckable based on looks. Your level of personal charm can then determine where you fall. In that scenario you really don't know know until you try.

nsfwlucifer · 2023-09-09T21:33:48+00:00

Women hate confidence in ugly men

Sonic_Medley · 2023-09-09T21:37:35+00:00

They can die mad for all we should care

Naracid · 2023-09-10T00:56:38+00:00

Confidence is like a value signaler, if there is no value to begin with, it's an instant red flag. But if someone has value and is a terrible salesmen they will also struggle more than they should, it's a factor but not by itself.

sooperflooede · 2023-09-10T03:51:11+00:00

I think there are two things that people call confidence. One is when someone is certain that they will succeed and everyone will like them. The other is when someone isn’t bothered by failure and doesn’t care whether people will like them. The first indeed will be a turn off when someone otherwise unattractive acts that way, but the second type I think would make anyone more attractive. It requires being vulnerable, not being cocky.

YveisGrey · 2023-09-10T06:22:13+00:00

I actually agree with this take as a woman though never really thought of it that way.

Future17 · 2023-09-10T06:31:25+00:00

I remember reading on a woman's forum, that some dude was not attractive, but very confident. She assumed he got a big package, so based on that she gave him a chance, and the package was not big. So now the girl was completely confused "why is this guy so confident?"

Basically, confidence works because it tricks women into thinking you must have some hidden value she can't see, but must be there.

TimeConstraints · 2023-09-10T08:55:12+00:00

"...she would constantly complain about men she knew or celebrities she didn't find attractive having "unwarranted" confidence, and that she found it extremely grating when an ugly guy acted like he was cool or hot."

The mistake in your reasoning is your believing that she is not attracted to men that she finds grating or ugly. Women sleep with confident ugly assholes all the time.

Rich-Yoghurt-4719 · 2023-09-10T11:49:39+00:00

Lol, you should have some accomplishments and get some confidence. Don't be arrogant, they might not find you irresistible, but you will make more of an impression. All the women on here saying they hate an ugly man with confidence will probably have a couple in their minds eye they will see. 1 or 2 of those men have probably turned them down. But i argue a man that is memorable will do better. And their ego is what is saying that statement.

DopeAFjknotreally · 2023-09-11T03:26:39+00:00

Just false man. Actual, true confidence is powerful as fuck. Fake confidence, aka pretending like you’re confident when you’re really not, is weak, and can easily be seen through.

Title	Women aren't attracted to confidence, they hate confidence in men they don't find attractive
Author	ResponsiveSignature
Upvotes	165
Comments	161
Date	September 9, 2023 1:58 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16dt6fz/women_arent_attracted_to_confidence_they_hate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-arent-attracted-to-confidence-they-hate.1231310 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231310

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