Women that say it’s controlling if a man doesn’t like their girl showing a lot of skin online or where other dudes can see: do you actually want us to agree that you do it for yourself not for men?

EulenWatcher · 2025-01-18T15:42:45+00:00

I have no answer for your question, as I don't do either of the things.

I have a question though - why date women who do things clashing with your values? Doesn't it make more sense to seek a partner who has compatible values? If you go for women posting half naked pictures and wearing skimpy clothes, expecting them to change their ways for you is pretty naïve and maybe hypocritical.

learn2earn89 · 2025-01-18T15:22:48+00:00

I think if a woman you meet dresses a certain way and/posts thirst traps on social media, you probably shouldn’t expect her to change that…y’all need to date modest women if that bothers you.

SnoopyDru · 2025-01-18T14:57:16+00:00

Idk why you all date attention seeking women and then act like victims when they seek attention.

badgersonice · 2025-01-18T16:02:55+00:00

If you want a modestly dressed woman and think that’s important for a relationship, then why do you chase and date women who dress immodestly?

Since OP has not yet answered any of the women who have asked this exact question already, I’ll float a hypothesis: it’s because he is genuinely attracted to women who dress and act “immodestly” and he is not genuinely attracted to women who dress and act modestly.

The men who do this have true, genuine desire and passion for the hot, sexy-dressed, flirty behaviors of the women they chase for casual sex showing that they don’t actually have any real passion, desire, or attraction to the women who behave and dress more modestly.

Realistically, as soon this guy does get his way and his formerly sexy-dressed girlfriend obeys him and starts dressing more modestly, his eyes are going to start wandering. He’s not attracted to modest behavior or dress.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2025-01-18T15:32:56+00:00

Personally I want men to pair up with a woman who has the same morals and ideals when it comes to life style.

In other words stop trying to make a whore into a house wife. If you want a house wife pick the woman who dresses conservatively, doesn’t post revealing pics online or send nudes and doesn’t go out partying with the girls every weekend from the start rather than trying to force a whore to change her ways for you.

If you want a good girl pick her from day 1. She might not be as sexy but she won’t be sharing her body with other men either.

MyLastBestChance · 2025-01-18T14:18:49+00:00

Men who object to that behavior should avoid trying to date women who do that.

Instead, it seems that they pursue those women and then try to change their behavior.

That’s being controlling.

The difference between having boundaries and being controlling is that boundaries are choices you make about your own behavior (I.e. “I don’t want to date women who show their bodies, therefore I won’t choose women who do that”). Controlling is about choices you try to make about someone else’s behavior (I.e. “I want to date this woman who shows her body but I want her to stop showing her body and I’m going to badger her until she changes and does what I want”).

See the difference?

It doesn’t matter why she does it or why you think she does it. If that’s your personal boundary you get to choose your behavior (don’t date her), not hers.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-01-18T14:36:19+00:00

Date modest women then. Problem solved.

The way she was dressed when you met her, is the way she dresses.

TheAvocadoSlayer · 2025-01-18T17:42:40+00:00

Let’s be real. Unless it’s related to a charity or helping those in need, the majority of people who post online do it to get some kind of validation. However, there are lots of us who barely post online. I haven’t posted a selfie online in 5 years. I rarely post my personal life online because I don’t need validation like I once did when I was 16.

There are TONS of likeminded women like me. Date those women. Don’t date women who constantly post picture of themselves. I believe the women who do so are in the minority so it shouldn’t be too hard to avoid them.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2025-01-18T15:03:28+00:00

Then don’t date people who dress that way?

Why would you pursue a girl who dresses like that - it’s maybe even what attracted you to her - and then demand she stop dressing that way? That’s controlling.

S0yslut · 2025-01-18T15:35:05+00:00

You know both things can be true: 1) that way of dressing is for attention but also 2) you telling someone how to dress is controlling. Date someone who doesn’t need to change instead of complaining about the people who won’t. We all know you are going along with it though because those are the women you want to date, because they are likely the more attractive ones. Pick your poison.

GridReXX · 2025-01-18T13:56:50+00:00

If that’s the case, we have to have a conversation about what we both think is “sexy” on the other person. And then I tell him he too mustn’t wear anything that might make straight women and gay men think he’s sexy.

Just kidding. If we have to do all that, it’s probably the case that his “for thee not for me” insecurities have brought out my petty, and we should probably part ways.

HappyCat79 · 2025-01-18T16:11:20+00:00

My partner thinks it’s hot when I do that. 🤷🏻‍♀️. I haven’t posted any photos of myself online in a long time, but it doesn’t bother him in the slightest because he is very secure.

Hell, he buys me skimpy dresses and asks me to wear them when we go out.

griz3lda · 2025-01-18T15:25:51+00:00

Yeah, I do expect them not to care because they knew what I was like when they got with me. Also, I definitely do not dress any kind of way for "men" except for my specific partner sometimes. Women are not attracted to most men. The idea of men as a category looking at us with attraction is gross and scary, not lust inducing (excepting in some kink fantasies or whatever).

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2025-01-18T16:58:31+00:00

A woman dresses a certain way and that (amongst other things I assume) attracted you, so you two start dating. If you expect her to change how she dresses after meeting you, that’s controlling. You have to date the person they are, not the person you want them to be. You knew she dressed that way when you started seeing her. There’s no reason for the pikachu face after

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2025-01-18T16:52:19+00:00

I show the most skin in pole class, and there's like one guy there, I'm doing it for myself. Never been an issue with my partner.

Don't like women who show off a lot of skin? Don't date one. Simple.

SnoopyDru · 2025-01-18T19:50:07+00:00

As soon as I get commitment in a relationship I expect him to wear a 3 piece suit daily. Those are my boundaries and it doesn’t matter if I was perfectly comfortable with him going out wearing whatever before that. 🙄

Edit: I also expect him to give up his friends, not speak to females that aren’t family, and only worship the ground that walk upon.

That’s not controlling, right?

ThatBitchA · 2025-01-18T16:20:28+00:00

Date women who dress modestly if you have an issue with a woman showing skin.

This is another example of men creating their own obstacles.

Direct-Alternative70 · 2025-01-18T22:05:52+00:00

I’ve never heard of women suddenly dressing that showed more after getting with someone.

You’re asking a girl to dress differently just bc she’s dating you. That’s the issue.

leosandlattes · 2025-01-18T16:49:23+00:00

I personally think there is a limit. When I was single I dressed in more mini-skirts and revealing clothing when I went out, because I knew it was attractive to men and men were more likely to hit on me.

When I am in a relationship I dress more modestly because why would I want to signal my attractiveness to other men? It’s just asking for some gross man who’s not my bf to hit on me.

Women who post attention whoring material on social media do it for the attention. They likely will not want to give it up just because they are in a relationship... they’re attention whores, that’s the point. Just dump these women if you don’t like it, or better yet, don’t date them at all.

JustGeminiThings · 2025-01-18T17:18:38+00:00

The problem here is the lack of nuance. Some women feel like "looking good" looks one way and they want to look good when they go out. A lot of women do want people to look at them and think "damn," with absolutely no intention of entertaining any of them, and many just want to be at the same level of their girls when they go out. There's even more truth to dressing for yourself or friends if we're also talking about makeup or just fashion in general - not necessarily sexy clothing. And it ultimately boils down to when everything is about you, then you can't comprehend when something is about them

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-01-18T19:53:15+00:00

Yes. Because clothing is not consent

And you were just fine with it when you met us

Werevulvi · 2025-01-18T21:51:36+00:00

I used to think that back in my teens and 20's. It felt like an attack on my personal style. And yes my style back then was mini skirts, ripped pantyhose, tight tops, boobs up to my chin and heavy makeup. Truth is I was very uncomfortable with being sexualized for my curves and femaleness in general, so I oversexualized myself as a backwards way of coping with it. And I didn't want my cope taken away from me, because I didn't know how else to be okay with being a woman. So when my first boyfriend wanted me to dress modestly it felt like a threat to who I was as a person, because I had mixed up clothing with personality. I can't answer for other women, but at least there you have an actual answer, a raw truth.

And I can be honest about that now, because I dealt with those feelings and now no longer feel any need or desire to dress provocatively unless it's in private with a special someone, for him and our pleasure only. I still want to be sexy, but not for just about everyone. I no longer feel threatened by men's potential attraction to me. Yet I only crave it if it's mutual and connected to love and commitment, and making a man I love happy and feeling desired. So I feel like I can now finally understand men's view on this, because I finally don't take it as a personal attack, and because I've now detached my clothing from who I am as a person.

So I can now look back on my past self and see that... I had issues, and maybe my first boyfriend didn't have ill intent. We were probably mostly just misunderstanding each other, and perceiving the world through different lenses.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-01-18T19:23:37+00:00

It’s controlling because women pretty much never start dressing immodestly after getting into a relationship, you can assume they are going to continue to dress about as they did when you started dating. So if you want a modest woman, date a modest woman.

Same goes for women who expect men to stop drinking/smoking/drugs after getting into a relationship. Like if they want to quit unhealthy habits of course you should encourage them, but never expect someone to change for you, they have to want it. If they don’t, you’ll just be left with mutual resentment and constant battles.

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ohdiddly · 2025-01-19T05:42:15+00:00

I’m hot and enjoy showing off my body. but dressing sexy and posting thirst traps is obviously for the attention of others.

If you willingly enter a relationship knowing how they dress/present themselves online and THEN you want to start dictating how they dress to appease your insecurities, then yeah that would make you controlling.

Difficult_Falcon1022 · 2025-01-18T19:51:41+00:00

It's never been an issue in any of my relationships one way or the other. If a guy did that I would just split. But as I said, not a common sentiment around here. That's more the attitude in the middle East and America imo.

Appropriate_Cow1378 · 2025-01-21T03:19:13+00:00

Do you think men should follow these rules too? Like, I've seen men at the gym with no shirt and shorts, i've seen guys in speedos at the beach, I've also seen men posting their muscles on their insta etc, but it's not really seen as "normal" for women to demand men to cover up, is it?

There's also the implication of what you're demanding when you want your GF to cover up. That either she's your property and nobody else is allowed to see the parts you "own," or that she's going to attract another man and cheat on you (so you think she's not loyal.)

all in all, I say date someone with similar values. If you don't like that she wears revealing clothes, then don't date her...

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