Men who have been wild in the past can they be loyal to a fault in a relationship?

Legate_Retardicus84 · 2025-02-17T15:18:38+00:00

In my experience, no, they can't.

Superannuated_punk · 2025-02-17T19:14:02+00:00

There’s a difference between “wild” and “cheating”.

If he just slutted it up for a couple of years, but wasn’t a cheater (I.e - he slept around, just with one woman at once), you’re probably fine.

If he was spinning plates, screwing multiple girls at once and generally acting like a fuckboy, you may have a problem.

EetinAintCheetin · 2025-02-17T15:38:41+00:00

Probably not.

Most_Read_1330 · 2025-02-18T02:14:30+00:00

I think it's unlikely. You can't change who you are.

Creation_Soul · 2025-02-17T14:09:01+00:00

from what i've seen, men who cannot be faithful don't even seem to reach the phase of the relationship where you can call it an LTR.

I know a couple of guys who went wild in college. One of them settled right after college and has been with the same woman for the past 10+ years. The other has been moving from woman to woman for the same 10+ years. I think his longest relationship has been 6 months (he was faithful during that time), but he simply gets bored in relationships once the "new relationship energy" wears off and moves on to the next woman.

Muscletov · 2025-02-17T15:50:38+00:00

Yes, it is possible for such men to stay loyal. However, it's entirely reasonable to avoid such men because the risk of them straying is higher.

fredwester · 2025-02-17T12:20:55+00:00

I dunno if I'd describe my past as "wild" per se, but I've had my share of one night stands and short flings. And (I am ashamed to say) when I was younger I did cheat on a couple of girlfriends.

The answer is - based on my own experience - yes, it is very possible for someone who has been "wild" or has cheated in past relationships to entirely change their ways and be a loyal and dedicated partner.

I am married now, and I am so loyal and dedicated to my wife that people I know (lovingly, not in a nasty way) tease me for it. What changed for me was a number of things. Finding the right person is obviously a big one. Also general growing up and developing empathy and a sense of responsibility. Nowadays I look back to the person I was at the age where I was being reckless with the feelings of others, and I hardly recognise him.

So my advice is to keep your eyes open, but judge your partner based on his current behaviour and how he treats you - not based on the past. Listen to your gut about him. If he is showing you that he loves you and there's nothing suspicious raising your hackles, then believe it.

Yes, of course. High body count can just mean you took a bit longer to find your person than others did.
No, not for me at least. Staying faithful is easy when you are with the right partner.
No, absolutely not. Not for me, at least. That would be disrespectful to my wife.
These things happen, and you can't go through life with a balaclava on so no one ever sees you. They just get politely rejected, or more likely avoided entirely.

AntonioSLodico · 2025-02-17T14:36:21+00:00

Hi, guy used to have a wild side here. To answer your questions, yes, depends on the guy, depends on the guy, and I tell her I'm married so no thanks.

ta06012022 · 2025-02-17T15:30:44+00:00

My count is well above average, but I've never cheated when I've been in an exclusive relationship. Once we have the "are we exclusive" talk, I'm exclusive. I've never found it especially difficult to remain faithful. I'm still attracted to other girls obviously, but I don't act on it. I'm exclusive because I want to be exclusive.

YtBlue · 2025-02-17T16:16:12+00:00

Its been very hard to. But I believe as a man gets older he desires something entirely different than just sex. So he can be

Technical_End9162 · 2025-02-17T11:58:26+00:00

My view of a high bodycount is that it’s a bad sign when men have it and a somewhat worse sign when women have it

That being said it’s possible for both men and women to be faithful after a high bodycount, but it’s statistically more rare

My view is that since men’s pair bonding is heavily influenced by vasopressin, men bond to women they are interested in for a long term relationship and view as faithful, and at the same time have and easier time not bonding when casual with a girl that they know they wouldn’t want a relationship with

That being said it’s not a good sign

However my brother has a high bodycount from when he was younger, and he’s incredibly loyal to his wife, almost too loyal, so there are exceptions

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-02-17T14:42:49+00:00

Men and women are different.

If a guy has the ability to rotate women and chooses you to settle down with, that’s telling you something.

Seems like you’re more concerned you might need to compete to keep your man. That’s the cost of doing business.

KayRay1994 · 2025-02-17T14:04:55+00:00

Yes. If that high body count was obtained when he was single without the need to manipulate others, then without a doubt.
Not particularly - unless they show other signs of back trouble staying loyal or committed
Entirely depends on the individual, some are natural flirts, some aren’t. That being said, if he’s loyal and respects the relationship you two will find a good compromise on boundaries
What if? If a person has a high n count, to some extent they’re used to it and have the restraint to say no when they want to. High n count =/= sex addict

Most of your concerns relate to whether he manipulates to get what he wants or if he was poor impulse control, not if he has a high n count. There is a difference

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2025-02-17T15:41:37+00:00

Men who have a wild past but are now in serious relationships are usually more loyal than men who never hooked up in the past because they experienced the wild life and still chose to be in a monogamous relationship. The men you should worry about are the guys that missed out because they will always be curious about that lifestyle.

soontobesolo · 2025-02-17T12:42:34+00:00

It's absolutely possible. I was pretty promiscuous when I was young, and I stayed devoted to my wife for 20 years. Even toward the end, when our marriage was falling apart, I stayed loyal and I stayed committed. Probably to my detriment.

For the record I was approached by several over the years, and I resisted because I was committed to my partner and family.

It is a two-way street though. You have to make him happy and proud to stay committed to you. You need to see his happiness as a priority of yours.

AutoModerator · 2025-02-17T11:41:50+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

DebateTraining2 · 2025-02-17T13:46:22+00:00

I think that it depends on what we mean by "wild". If it's cheating on previous partners, I wouldn't advise trusting that. If it was just ONS, then it is possible, but you are betting on the individual's morality.

Ok_Use7 · 2025-02-17T15:55:59+00:00

I don’t know but it’s why I’m grateful that non-monogamy works for me. I don’t have to pretend either way and there’s no pressure to be perfect which I think monogamy requires.

I can have a one night stand if I want when approached with it doing no damage to my relationship. I prefer that to the alternative, I think monogamous couples go through hell over what I don’t believe (sex with someone else) is a big deal.

awakening_7600 · 2025-02-17T16:01:30+00:00

They can because male sex drive is primarily on physical drive above anything. So if you're putting out and he's happy and feeling good and feels accepted by you, he can be loyal.

James_M_Croft · 2025-02-17T16:18:39+00:00

If this is true, and not just a means to boast and keep you around (80% for young men do this). it is a risk. I would work to check with people of his past (not his mother or any female family member) to know if it is real or just him saying empty things.

It is not a certainty that he will cheat like it is with women, but the risk is real and I would guess you are on a risk zone of being cheated 3-7 times higher than you would with your average experienced but never that successful bloke.

Is it possible that someone with a high body count will remain completely faithful in a committed relationship?

Yes, it just requires a lot of dedication, self controls and morals. And maybe lack of impulsivity. Anyone can do it, it just happens that certain people do not have these traits, does he have them?

Do those who have been wild in the past have trouble staying faithful in a committed relationship?

Yes, It is hard to be willing to work in someone with experience. I don't know why but it is common. Many of my more experienced friends have difficulty being faithful and only stay so because of their morals and self control. The ones without those tend to just cheat or leave.

And even when you are in a relationship, your old habits continue like flirting with other girls, being flirtatious with other girls?

Can happen, I and many other men "default" to flirting because we did it for so many decades. But I don't think you need to worry about that if he is the type to show self control and be in the more moral side.

what if a Beautiful and Hot girl approaches you for a ONS?

Resist obviously, but I, and any man really, are not perfectly rational or perfectly moral people. Depending on our relationship, my state of mind, how drunk/high I am, or what kind of person I am, I may fail this resist.

harmonica2 · 2025-02-17T16:22:23+00:00

When it comes guys I know personally they keep failing to faithful if their paths have been wild, but that doesn't mean everyone of course.

Present-Afternoon-70 · 2025-02-17T16:35:11+00:00

I eeally dont understand what people think relationships look like. Of course he can be faithful. The only caveat is if he has recently cheated, but people change or perhaps he wasnt ready for a relationship before you. Stop caring about peoples pasts and focuse on their current behaviors.

Shissslacker · 2025-02-18T00:05:16+00:00

Speaking for myself, given I’ve never dated any man, I’ve had no issue remaining faithful when in a relationship.

Yes
No
I have no issue not flirting given I mostly did it to get sex anyway so if that’s not in the table there’s little point.
I’m dating my partner (in part) because I find her attractive and we have compatible sex drives. If I were to be propositioned I’d just say no. If I find myself longing for a hook up so much so that I’d cheat on my partner, I’d just leave her

Downtown_Werewolf_44 · 2025-02-18T07:25:34+00:00

It really depends, a dude can stop the bachelor lifestyle for the good one. But that's only about the lifestyle, loyalty is another thing.

There is three type of men:

-Those who never had any opportunity to cheat, the low SMV dude who somehow ended up getting a girlfriend. Since they never been in the situation to cheat, can't really say what they would do if an opportunity shows up.

-Those who have opportunities before and chose to declined. Those guy would stay faithful. If they meet someone attractive, they will do the right thing and either focus on their current relationship or do a "clean" break up before dating the new one.

-those who had opportunities before and cheated on their past girlfriends. Those guys will probably continue and they'll get better at it so they won't get caught that easily. Bonus point if he was the one actively trying to cheat (initiating the flirt, being on dating app,...), those guys would 100% be unfaithful in the future.

Prismatic_Symphony · 2025-02-18T10:35:51+00:00

He had a wild past. But was it specifically a cheating past?

Of course, anyone's past behavior shows potential for their future behavior. But if he was only wild while single and loyal while attached, then chances are good he won't stray. Also, a wild past for a man doesn't seem to be as much an issue for making future connection as it is for a woman.

If he was wild and cheated on past gfs, then yeah, you may have a problem on your hands.

James_M_Croft · 2025-02-18T20:17:14+00:00

Is it possible that someone with a high body count will remain completely faithful in a committed relationship?

Difficult and unlikely, but can happen. One require a lot of self control and dedication. Is he the type?

And even when you are in a relationship, your old habits continue like flirting with other girls, being flirtatious with other girls?

I (and most men with any level of experience) default to it, yes, it is hard to curb decades of habit you honed to do even when exhausted, sleep-deprived, hungry, angry, sad, depressed or high. But again, can be curbed with self control and dedication.

what if a Beautiful and Hot girl approaches you for a ONS?

I would probably not resist, but the more self controlled and dedicated men? Yeah they would.

Big-Sir7034 · 2025-02-19T14:24:24+00:00

You’ll want to determine

Has he cheated on anyone
Has he slept around responsibly (has he been testing for STIs, are the people he sleeps with random drunkards or something).

Basically you want to determine if he’s a risk to you. The fact that he has been around the block doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a risk to your need for security, but the more people you mess around with, the harder it is to be a responsible person.

Youcbah · 2025-03-04T15:11:46+00:00

Hell no. And this is for both genders bruh. When you are hooking up with a lot of people you’re subconsciously hardwiring your brain to get used to that. Not only will a LTR expose people like that but it will literally starve them of hooking up every night or every other night. Of course there are outliers to this rule but in a general sense he eventually is gonna crack because of his past.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-02-17T15:02:27+00:00

Being wild doesn’t “turn off” your ability to love and be faithful to someone.

Not to say I had a “wild” past but when I was in a relationship I was in it. I knew what was out there but when you are with the right person none of that matters. You are with the person you care about and you not only want to be with them: you care about their feelings too. That’s the point.

To answer your questions

1). Yes you can be faithful and committed. I never cheated cause why would i? If I wanted to be living that life of casual, I could just be doing that. Obviously I wanted more and that was the whole point of having the talk of being exclusive and being exclusive

2) See answer one. Just cause someone was a world traveler doesn’t mean they can’t love the place they live in and call it home.

3) This sounding more and more like insecurity. Stop wondering if “you’re not good enough” to hold his attention. He wants to be with you. That’s why you are in a committed relationship

4) if a guy came up to you and asked you for your phone number or to hookup, what would you say? “No, I have a boyfriend” right? What if he was really good looking. Would that change things? No? Then why do you think he wouldn’t say “I’ve got a girlfriend”?

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-02-17T15:28:45+00:00

1: Is it possible that someone with a high body count will remain completely faithful in a committed relationship?

Obviously, there is always the chance that someone with a high body count will be faithful and committed. For the general public, the chance for a guy to not have sex outside the relationship is about 70-80% (probably lower, due to lieing on surveys). Is that high enough for you? Because one thing is clear, the chance for a promiscuous guy to not have sex outside the relationship is lower. If you add "will remain committed", this chance is only about 10-20%. Most relationships do end for not wanting to stay committed. Especially first relationships.

If you need to be sure to not get broken up with, not cheated on, etc. then you can't get into relationships.

2: Do those who have been wild in the past have trouble staying faithful in a committed relationship?

Sociosexuality basically describes how much a person is inclined to have sex without needing an emotional bond—it’s like a built‐in gauge for how much you value sexual variety over deep romantic connection. People with a high, or “unrestricted,” sociosexual orientation are naturally more open to casual encounters and don’t necessarily need to feel emotionally attached to their sexual partners. In a monogamous relationship, if one partner has a high sociosexuality, they might be more tempted by the idea of additional sexual experiences outside the relationship, which can make strict exclusivity harder to maintain. That doesn’t mean they’re doomed to cheat, but statistically speaking, research shows that those with unrestricted sociosexuality are more likely to engage in extradyadic sex than those who are more “restricted” in this regard. Of course, being faithful isn’t just about your raw sexual tendencies—commitment, satisfaction with your partner, and clear boundaries can all help counterbalance those natural inclinations. But if you’re wired to find sexual variety more exciting, sticking to a monogamous model may require extra effort and constant communication with your partner.

3: And even when you are in a relationship, your old habits continue like flirting with other girls, being flirtatious with other girls?

For me, yes. But then again, i don't have a moral code that would restrict me in that and nothing i could ever promise to a girlfriend would prevent me from following my own code, especially when intoxicated and regulating capacities are stripped off their power, making me just "raw myself".

4 : what if a Beautiful and Hot girl approaches you for a ONS?

I usually wake up and ask myself why i always wake up before the ONS really happens in the dream. Other than that, i will obviously have sex with her and make sure my gf never finds out. Doesn't affect my commitment to the relationship.

Desperate_Coat_5244 · 2025-02-17T11:53:38+00:00

Yes
No
I've never flirted with anyone, yet everyone thinks I am flirting all the time, so guess yes?
See 1

ExcelsiorState718 · 2025-02-18T07:21:02+00:00

Its called settling down my body count is like the Gaza strip at this point but I could easily be loyal and have been loyal in all my relationships except one because it turned into a dead bedroom but I was loyal for years. Eventually got tired of coming home to a naked woman in my bed that was always tired or had a headache mind you I was working 80 hours a week and she stayed at home and I paid all all the bills and the days I was home she was conviently busy that day. I tried to end things but she had no where to go so I ended up with a woman in my house in my space that wasn't putting out so I became unfaithful.

And this is why I will never move another woman in even if I'm dating I will get her an apt nearby this way after two weeks of her not being in the mood I can bring over whoever I want

It's one think to be faithful and another thing to be doormat besides without sex there's no relationship with that said if I'm in a commited relationship I'm not going to sleep around just because. I actually preffer monogamy.

SilentFroggy · 2025-02-17T16:19:31+00:00

He probably chose you to be his long term partner because you were a virgin.

Gravel_Roads · 2025-02-17T12:15:59+00:00

Absolutely. Wild men love wildly.

I was slapass crazy as a youth; I lived out of my car and explored the country, skied and snowmobiled with my bubba cousins, climbed on rooftops and went urban adventuring.

It’s not that we can’t love, it’s that most people can’t keep up with us. My last partner eventually wanted to settle down while I wanted to go traveling again. So we split up and I skipped town.

My current partner can actually keep up with me. We’ve known each other for over 25 years and have dated for over a decade. I’m 100% rabidly loyal to them because they are a rare gem.

Conscious-Truth-7685 · 2025-02-17T17:15:08+00:00

Body count has absolutely nothing to do with your propensity to cheat or willingness to be faithful. In my mind, limited experience with intimacy paired with an unfullfiling, unhappy relationship would be more likely to lead to cheating, but that's just me. Ultimately, it's the latter part of that sentiment that leads to cheating. Nobody in a happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationship cheats. Cheating is a sign of a relationship in turmoil, and the cheating is generally a symptom of much deeper issues. It doesn't matter if you've been with one person or 100, of your relationship is struggling things like cheating will occur.

SteveSan82 · 2025-02-17T12:50:11+00:00

If she is doing her job, most men won't cheat. Even a playboy will stop if a woman is doing her role.

Fun_Push7168 · 2025-02-17T12:12:06+00:00

My bc is mid hundred somewhere, not counting those from porn or my stint as a gigolo.

I find it easier than when my bc was low and I was curious and also had something to prove. Doesn't seem nearly as special when it's lacking deep feelings. ( That part can be a double edged sword. For some that means it doesn't seem so sacred the other way around either)
See 1
Yes, it's not serious. Mostly just friendly, I like to hand out compliments. Guys, young ladies, old ladies, whatever. It's fun to make people smile.
So what....been there done that. I'm probably less tempted than the average guy.

avocadolanche3000 · 2025-02-17T12:35:56+00:00

I was wild in the past, settled down twice, and now am wild again (but hoping to settle down with the person I’ve started seeing!).

1: I’ve never had issues staying faithful, except one time in college when I was blackout drunk. That experience really affected me. I told my girlfriend the next day and quit drinking for about a decade. I hate when people say “once a cheater always a cheater” because that wasn’t my experience at all. It did sour that relationship and I deeply regretted that I betrayed someone’s trust to the point that it cost me an extremely deep love. Ive also noticed that the men I’ve known who were serial cheaters never tell their partners and are more concerned about getting caught than damage done.

2: I don’t have trouble staying in relationships. I probably do have a harder time getting into commitments early on, but it’s because I don’t feel as rushed to settle down. I want to make sure that what I’m getting into is right.

3: I didn’t used to continue flirting with other women. My rule for myself when partnered was that I don’t say or do anything to a woman that I wouldn’t say or do to another man. Now I’m a little older, I don’t think I’m taking that with me. I trust myself enough to know that I don’t have to turn my sexuality all the way off, and that it’s okay to have some surface level flirting. A partner who can’t accept that is controlling, has trust issues, and wouldn’t make a good partner.

4: i would ignore it. Or if she persisted I’d shut it down. I think guys who never had a wild side are probably more susceptible to thinking “omg this gorgeous woman wants to sleep with me this is my chance” than guys who’ve slept with plenty of beautiful women.

It sounds like you have some trust issues. I get that this is your first relationship, but you need to work on those to be ready to date. If you get cheated on you get cheated on. That’s life.

Title	Men who have been wild in the past can they be loyal to a fault in a relationship?
Author	Clean-Ant-1342
Upvotes	17
Comments	115
Date	February 17, 2025 11:41 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1irhz49/men_who_have_been_wild_in_the_past_can_they_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-who-have-been-wild-in-the-past-can-they-be.1544135 https://theredarchive.com/post/1544135

Comments