[Q4M] What do YOU consider reasonable expectations and standards for women to have for their male partner?

JonMyMon · 2025-04-24T20:57:31+00:00

I think your expectations are unreasonable if you expect much more than you're offering. But, more than unreasonable, I find it self-serving and opportunistic. If you're a slob, you shouldn't expect someone highly organized. If you're shy, you shouldn't expect someone wildly confident. If you're boring, you shouldn't expect an entertainer. If you don't have a good job, you shouldn't expect someone who does. Maybe you want these things, and that's better than expecting them, but I still would consider it to be unromantic.

Efficient-Baker1694 · 2025-04-24T20:50:44+00:00

Someone who can live independently and take care of himself (independent living, own car (unless it makes more sense not to have one), cook, clean, grooming, have a job, etc), someone who’s well regarded by others regardless if they are actually their friend or not. Someone who’s not afraid to take chances but also understands when is the time to do so and not. Someone who respects a woman’s boundaries and listen to her needs and wants and do the best they can to fulfill those things. Someone who can sometimes be selfish and selfless in the bedroom.

A man being universally ugly, neurodivergent, shy, not talkative, introverted, or not having the greatest social skills should not be a death sentence for their romantic life. But those things are though and IMO that should stop.

wardenferry419 · 2025-04-24T21:49:29+00:00

In the most basic way, as it would apply to women as well, it is someone who tries to make the relationship work and someone who tries to make life better for both parts of the couple. If many specifics become involved then limitations on what you get follows.

Gravel_Roads · 2025-04-24T20:45:29+00:00

That’s gonna depend on the individual woman. I don’t understand why everyone wants a single answer that speaks for everyone.

Like, I’ve known my partner for over 25 years, but we both love having our own space. So we each own separate homes that we live in when we aren’t crashing at each other’s places. For ME, this is an expectation we both have, which is what makes us compatible. But I don’t think MOST couples would prefer living separately.

Every woman will have different desires and expectations, and these expectations will even change from one relationship to the next. And what makes a man “ideal” is a man who has compatible expectations.

Ie, a man who wants to use money to attract women will be happy with a woman attracted to his money. A woman who wants to be a SAHM will be happy with a man who wants a woman who wants to stay at home.

No_Mammoth8801 · 2025-04-24T21:06:48+00:00

Be physically attracted to him
Have all necessary adulting skills that involve taking care of oneself and a household.
Sexually and financially disciplined
Be curious
Similar political beliefs/ideals
Be content in a career with some upward mobility. Higher and more specific standards are also fine if she wants kids.
A baseline minimum sociability so he can get along with friends and family.

I'm sure there are more, but those are the big ones I see often and I don't find them unreasonable.

Odd-Talk-3981 · 2025-04-25T00:23:06+00:00

So, if I were a woman, I'd expect my prospective male partner:

To treat me as a human being.
To reciprocate.
To do his fair share of housework without needing reminders (assuming we both have full-time jobs).
To share common expenses equally (50/50).
To be honest and respectful.
To be faithful.
To have empathy and emotional intelligence.
To respect my boundaries ("no" means "no").
To cut ties with his misogynistic friends (ideally not having any in the first place).
Not to want any children.
For sex, we'd both choose contraceptive methods freely, without imposing them on each other.
Not to be conservative or religious.
I wouldn't mind if he was a virgin or not, as long as he doesn't care about my "past."
To take care of himself (eating a healthy and balanced diet, exercising regularly, and avoiding alcohol, smoking, or drugs).
To love strong, independent women (even if I dyed my hair blue - my hair, my choice!).
To despise "tradwives."
To share at least a few common interests with me.
To enjoy spending time together, but also respect my need for personal time alone.
I might ask him to stop watching porn (I'd also refrain from reading dark romance or smut), but only if my libido was sufficient to satisfy both our needs.
Last but not least, never to say I "have too high standards," because, for me, these are the bare minimum.

P.S.: The list might not be complete yet; I need more time to reflect :)

growframe · 2025-04-24T20:35:45+00:00

I don't subscribe to the "unrealistic standards" stuff. As long as you're realistic and accountable about the consequences of your standards, they're reasonable in my eyes. I'm not a woman and have never dated a man, so the most I can say about my hypothetical standards were I a woman is that they'd be the same as the ones I have for women (with appropriate gender flips for masculine/feminine features)

abaxeron · 2025-04-24T22:18:44+00:00

No criminal record, especially no VIOLENT criminal record, and no clear red flags that he might get one in observable future (recklessness with alcohol, anger issues, excessive mate guarding behavior, uncontrollable jealousy, recreational drug use, gambling habits, history of doing sports that give brain damage).

Intact parent household, no history of divorce.

Not abnormally tall.

No tattoos, no piercings.

AssPlay69420 · 2025-04-24T20:28:53+00:00

I would just expect him to not be a net liability

Iirc, it’s only about $25 a day to cover the additional marginal costs of having another person crash at your house - groceries, utilities, transportation, etc.

Only 12k a year would likely be sufficient to cover that

Other things would be to wash your asshole, load the dishwasher, load the washer, move clothes to the dryer, maintain hygiene and try to look hot, etc.

Other than that? Your life is your life.

So long as you enjoy the other person, they really don’t need to bring that much to the table

All those expectations around just say you don’t actually like them

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The_Forgotten001 · 2025-04-24T20:40:45+00:00

It would be to see if he wants a family and how he thinks they should be raised. Then I would talk about our expectations from the relationship and what we both ideally would like. Then we would see if there was a compromise we would need to make to both be happy and make the relationship work.

As long as we are on the same page we can accomplish anything.

Intelligent_Pea8001 · 2025-04-24T22:17:14+00:00

Any expectations that apply to the type of man that would want them.

Personally I think outside of physical looks, whether or not we get a long, sex drive, temperament, and values/morality everything else doesn't matter. My girlfriend could make $30k a year or $130k it would literally make no difference to me, but I understand most women have long check lists.

Logos1789 · 2025-04-24T22:25:11+00:00

Healthy weight (not fatter than her) Good hygiene Clean clothing that fits well Reliable vehicle or ability to pay for travel Clean apartment in a relatively safe area (with or without roommates) Enough earnings to continue sustaining themself Treats others with basic respect Non-violent Effective communication Honest

DietTyrone · 2025-04-24T22:48:02+00:00

I wouldn't say a specific trait or standard is reasonable or not. Instead, I would say that whatever list of requirements a woman has should be considered parable to the list of things she herself is bringing to the table. Otherwise, if she has a laundry of valuable traits the guy needs to have but can barely think or has never thought of what value she brings to this guy, that's a very entitled borderline narcissistic outlook.

DGenerationMC · 2025-04-24T23:51:35+00:00

Case-by-case basis depending on the people involved and how compatible they are.

What works for some doesn't for others, yadda yadda yadda you know the bit. How things "should be" isn't all that interesting (IMO) or consistent but how things are do. Unless it directly applies/impacts me, I'm not terribly invested.

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-04-25T00:40:51+00:00

In his 20s? If I was a woman in my 20s?

Reasonably fit (anywhere from lean/athletic/runner to dad bod/muscle with some extra body fat) - not scrawny or blatantly fat. Taller than her. Reasonably well groomed. Showers daily, shampoo every other day, deodorant, kempt hair, facial hair groomed, hair/facial hair/glasses match face.
No criminal record, no history of SA or domestic violence. Not from a ghetto or trailer park subculture.
US or Canadian citizen with a fully Westernized family that is fully immersed in American or Canadian culture, regardless of ethnicity - no vestiges of old world culture in how he or his extended family lives their life nor any expectation that she participate in same. Is either secular, secular Christian, secular Catholic, or secular Jewish. Does not oppose premarital sex.
His education is the lower of: matches her education level, or a bachelor's degree
Socially competent, has his own friends, they reflect on him well.
Willing to try new things, intellectually curious.
Has hobbies, interests, and passions of his own that do not involve screens or literature.
No addictions. Porn and video games can be addictions, so those would be disqualifying.
Willing to drink socially, but responsibly. Omnivore, not a picky eater.
Sense of humor, wit. Is fun to be around and has good ideas for dates.
Unselfish lover concerned with her pleasure. Has a wild side in bed, but consent is respected at all times, and the wild side is not pornbrained. Does not have a micropenis nor is he too big. Has rhythm.
Partner mentality. Capable of leadership, but has a jointly participatory outlook on things.
Decent human. Is kind to strangers, unless they give him a reason not to be, then he'll stand up for himself and those he cares about, but not recklessly. Capable of violence as a last resort, but never defaults to it.
Gainfully employed and pays own bills, regardless of living situation. Only relies on parents if still in school. Does not live with an ex. Financially responsible. Knows how to budget, save, and invest. Is responsible for own transportation, capable of getting around on his own. Obviously context is dependent on where he lives. Can afford his share of reasonably priced dates (aka nothing fancy, but a decent mid tier restaurant like a gastropub, even though this probably shouldn't be a first date). Has financial and lifestyle goals that are compatible and a plan to meet them.
Emotionally available. Not always trying to prove something, or flexing.
Has things in common with her that they both like, but also enough things he's into that she's not that both partners have room for growth. Doesn't have any dealbreaker hobbies, doesn't dealbreak any of her hobbies.
Is capable of thinking for himself. Is neither a socialist or an alt-right nutjob. Actually thinks about political positions and forms nuanced opinions that aren't easily boiled down to "one side or the other" and can articulate same. Doesn't use polarizing rhetoric to discuss issues, whatever they are.

United_Iron369 · 2025-04-25T00:59:19+00:00

There are 2 types of standards: Physical and moral. Now I understand physical attraction is important. But nature or society have deemed most men unattractive to most women. This ties in with moral standards - women are willing to overlook very poor moral standards as long as they're attracted to them (dictators, murderers, rapists etc - just as an example). So when men say you need to raise your standards, they mean moral standards because physical standards are already in heaven.

Also a piece of advice - if you're attracted to a conventionally attractive guy, consider that you're not alone - many women are attracted to him so he has an abundance of choice and more leeway to get away with shitty behavior.

HeForeverBleeds · 2025-04-25T01:07:54+00:00

Reasonable standards would be expecting as much as I can offer. I have my own place, I have my own car, I have a job where I can support myself, I clean my own house, I cook my own food. I'm flexible on if he has other talents, so long we have enough in common to be able to enjoy our time together.

This is all hypothetical, as I already have a partner. Coincidentally, he is a man so I don't have to imagine what standards I would have for choosing a male partner. We're on the same level in terms of compatibility and our ability to provide for ourselves.

Unreasonable standards would be expecting more than what one offers. E.g. if she expects him to make more than she does, expects him to plan and pay for all their dates, expects him to be mindful and sensitive of her feelings if she disregards his concerns as "whining," etc.

Of course it's perfectly reasonable for her to expect him to be able to support himself if she is also able to support herself, to be considerate of her feelings and needs if she is also considerate of his feelings and needs, etc.

Peeloin · 2025-04-25T02:38:16+00:00

Should he cook?

Should he clean?

Everyone should be able to do these things.

Should he has other talents?

I mean, everyone has some kind of talent or skill, right?

Should he be a good listener and communicator?

Everyone should do that.

Should he be giving and unselfish sexually?

Everyone should do that.

Unreasonable standards shouldn't be basic life skills and social functioning. I would say standards only become unreasonable if you are asking for a partner who does more for you than you would do for them. I wouldn't say basic life skills fall under that, because that is like a bare minimum for anyone.

ArtifactFan65 · 2025-04-25T03:21:30+00:00

Just be male.

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-04-25T06:57:26+00:00

Standards can be anything women want. If they can get a man with those standards, that's great. If not, the standard was too high. Usually that leads to adjusting mate preferences towards own mate value, or improving mate value to match what the standards "cost" on the mating market.

It's pointless to ask about bare minimum standards, or what men would think are good standards. Every person has their own reasonable standard that lies around their mate value to the people they want to have.

Overall, women clearly do not have too high standards, as the overwhelming majority of women are in relationships, with men who met their standards, after having them adjusted towards what they can afford to ask for.

LawfulnessSuper5091 · 2025-04-25T08:05:01+00:00

Giving lover. Good kisser. Affectionate. Hygienic. Trying. Trying physically, in his career, growing his brain or talents.

Not controlling, not over jealous, not prone to outbursts of conspiracy bs intermingled with misogynistic drivel.

Can use whole sentences.

Reads.

AreOut · 2025-04-25T08:30:56+00:00

I know a lot of single men who tick all those boxes, they just look bland and/or don't sexually escalate.

So I guess those standards aren't really relevant until a woman will like him sexually, and if she likes him sexually there is a high chance another woman will like him as well and she might have lesser standards so...

KhadgarIsaDreadlord · 2025-04-25T13:38:49+00:00

I think whatever the individual decides as reasonable qualifies as reasonable. People can raise the bar however high they want. They are entilted to that.

That said I don't want to hear anyone crying for not getting someone who runs circles around them both in looks and lifestyle. You can set the bar but that doesn't make you able to reach it.

BlueMountainDace · 2025-04-25T14:39:43+00:00

I've basically been the same person with every woman I dated. Looking at who I was and what I "offered" it looked like this:

7/10 - good looking, but not too good looking.
Friendly, charming, flirty, good conversationalist
Very giving in the bed
Ambitious but not fully consumed by work. I was making $35k/yr when I met my wife who was going into medicine.
Family-oriented
Adventurous and someone who helped them get out of their comfort zone
Someone who is supportive of them and their goals
Someone who can get around somehow - car, uber, bus, train
Housing - doesn't matter, people have reasons for their living situation. I lived at home after college when I met two of my exes and my wife and they didn't care.

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-04-25T19:17:31+00:00

In order for standards to not be too high for anyone they should be similar to what you have regardless of your attraction for instance a short woman still including short men or having an average income and still including others with the same.

Unfortunately men will always be more inclusive this way because men can still be attracted to those less than themselves.

shadowrangerfs · 2025-04-25T21:05:33+00:00

It depends on his age. A 19 year old guy living at home or with roommates is fine. A 40 year old man doing so is not.

A guy living with an ex should be a deal breaker. That's just weird. Same for a woman.

I'm 39 so I'll answer for a guy in his mid to late 30s.

Living on his own. His own apartment at least. A car isn't required if you live in an area with good public transportation. I've lived in the DC area for 10 years and never needed a car. However, I grew up in a small town with no public transportation of any kind. You would have to have a car there. If he has a car, it just needs to clean and in decent working condition. As for his job, just needs to be something decent. He needs to make enough to comfortably support himself. I lived fine on 48k. So I'd say at least 45k a year. More if he has kids. You would also need to adjust for cost of living in his area. As for type of work, as long as it's legal work. Although, I think it's fine to reject a man for his job if it is something that you have a moral opposition to.

Cooking - totally fine to want. In this day and age there is no excuse for any adult in a first world country to not be able to cook. You can go on youtube and find videos of professionals giving you step by step instructions on how to cook anything.

Clean - nothing wrong with wanting a clean person who keeps his place clean.

Other talents - depends on what talents you want specifically

Good communicator - nothing wrong with wanting that

Giving and unselfish sexually - fine as long as you are respecting his bodily autonomy and not making him do anything sexual that he doesn't want to do. Find a guy whose sexual appetite is compatible with yours.

I want to point out that none of what OP listed included anything about what's on the inside. There was nothing about kindness, honesty, integrity, moral character. These things are important to have in a man.

DrunkOnRamen · 2025-04-24T20:29:26+00:00

What are reasonable expectations in your opinion for a man?

A man that is taller than me rather than a man that is at least 6'3" is an example I would give. Another is a bit harder for me to express (English is my third language) but I see women often going for essentially male instagram models. Don't do that, that doesn't mean go for the ugliest because it isn't a black and white thing.

Would you accept if he still lived with his parents

Depends on the reason to live with parents. He's taking care of them? He's saving up for a house? He's lazy and doesn't want to work?

You can see the difference where it would be acceptable to where it wasn't. I have known women who live with their parents but will demand a man live in a place with a certain minimum square footage.

Should his job be high paying or is minimum wage fine? Does the type of work matter greatly to you?

no one realistically pays minimum wage because minimum wage is below survivable rate so you will need to rephrase this question.

Should he cook?

Should he clean?

basic life skills

Should he has other talents?

is he a circus monkey for you or something?

Should he be a good listener and communicator?

basic life skills

Alwaysnthered · 2025-04-24T21:35:52+00:00

Moot point.

no real relationships standards matter as most women will select men based on non-relationship standards (looks, charisma, confidence, status) and then complain said men don't meet relationship standards.

so, I'd say the real standard women should accept is to CARE LESS about the superficial standards and CARE MORE about the long term relationship standards.

luckforeveryone · 2025-04-24T20:53:00+00:00

I'd expect the same things I expect from women: similar attraction level in terms of looks (I get checked out a lot in public and I've been told by multiple girls that I have a face card - a female friend brought to my attention a couple months back that another girl was checking me out; unfortunately I'm only 5'8), a job that makes at least $70k (I make over 6 figures), a nice personality, and emotional stability. I don't think I'm being unreasonable with these asks.

AssPlay69420 · 2025-04-24T21:02:40+00:00

Yeah, samesies.

Obviously, if I were looking for dudes, I wouldn’t exactly turn down more money.

But it would sit alongside plenty of other variables

Chief among them? Do I enjoy hanging out with this person more than being alone.

That’s 80% of it. 20% is basic attraction, hygiene, caring, and responsibility.

Everything else is kinda just bonus points.

Bouldershoulders12 · 2025-04-24T20:47:31+00:00

The market will determine if her standards are reasonable based on who’s willing to give her commitment

FuuraKafu · 2025-04-24T23:14:03+00:00

Idk if this falls in the category of "standards" as you put it, but I would like it if women initiated more and were in general more capable of having a "helping" attitude towards men in the sexual context. I wish women were less about confidence and could lead more initially. None of that is like "off putting" if I imagine being on that side of things, as is expected of my gender. But I had a childhood sexual experience which left me deeply ashamed of my desires and incapable of expressing them, I do think I got better, at least I'm much more self-aware now. But it doesn't even matter cause I don't like women's sexuality that much. I don't think women can help men in this area and it's clear that they deeply dislike that idea. Too bad.

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2025-04-24T23:46:37+00:00

You shouldn't expect more than what you bring to the table. And with modern women, that's absolutely nothing. Modern women have nothing to offer these days. Men want a woman who will make his life easier. If you're just going to be the typical, self-centered, narrcisistic bitch whom doesn't know how to communicate but expects men to be perfect, then no thanks.

MasterAd6260 · 2025-04-24T22:18:45+00:00

If he is settling for her, then I don’t believe he has to meet any of her financial/lifestyle/physical standards… because she has already failed to meet his.

If you ask most men, the body type and facial features they want are often not found on their current partner. It’s usually found on women, that are out of reach for them.. because beautiful women usually have more options and they can be spoiled by any man. It’s harder to impress a woman that has received “princess” treatment by her former partners or is reminded by society on how pretty she is.

Average women are different. They are not really any man’s first choice so they should have realistic expectations.

If men have to settle for someone they find insignificant then it’s only fair that women do it as well.

Men are still expected to take their gf out and treat her to dinner sometimes, do thing for her etc.. which is unfair because most women are average looking and aren’t the beautiful ones that WOULD deserve flowers and dinner.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2025-04-24T22:27:35+00:00

Loyal

Bellow obesity.

Non feminist.

Have a present family with conservative values.

Between 4 and 6 in looks.

Have at least a gun(if the the law allow easy access to it).

Sex at least once a week.

Anything else should be negotiable by virtue of contribution.

Title	[Q4M] What do YOU consider reasonable expectations and standards for women to have for their male partner?
Author	AnonPinkLady
Upvotes	15
Comments	192
Date	April 24, 2025 8:19 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1k72bh3/q4m_what_do_you_consider_reasonable_expectations/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-what-do-you-consider-reasonable-expectations.1550516 https://theredarchive.com/post/1550516

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