Women look for guys who will entertain them, and then are surprised when those guys bounce after sex. If you want to find guys who stick around, go for men with similar personalities.

My_House_on_Mars · 2025-04-28T21:35:22+00:00

This conversation kind of makes sense online but it doesn't make sense irl

you are saying that women should date a guy who is as smart and as funny as them (classic "don't date Chads, date nice guys instead")

But how does this translate to real life? They go out on a date. They have fun. He's very funny, intelligent. He wants to get sex so he's engaging.

What is the woman supposed to do? "Sorry, I thinkyou are smarter than me, we can't see each other anymore"

And how would you differentiate it from a date that is going genuinly well? Are you supposed to be bored to know that it's working?

Alarmed_Load8145 · 2025-04-28T21:30:31+00:00

I'm not convinced and am somewhat confused by the post. You began the post by saying that looking for someone better is a "sure-fire" way to end up with men who don't commit. How did you reach this conclusion? If a woman gets with someone who is funnier, for instance, I don't see how that means the man doesn't respect her. Conan O'Brien is probably funnier than his wife, but he sure as heck respects her. Of course what you're saying is more likely than not true if the personality differences are not so much differences as they are a chasm. The issue with your statement is that there just aren't objective metrics to use, apart from intelligence, but I don't think a man will require a woman on his radar to take an IQ test (though even that doesn't account for all types of intelligence).

TheRedPillRipper · 2025-04-28T22:10:54+00:00

go for men with similar ~~personalities~~

Values. One can be smart, funnier, exciting and respectful, yet not align with another’s core values.

Superb-Foundations · 2025-04-28T22:35:32+00:00

Marry your best friend. I've been with the same man for 15 years, married, kids, mortgage, a whole ass minivan and through it all I've never disliked my husband as a person. We aren't 100% the same but it's wild how we just had a conversation and even wrote out our marriage expectations before we jumped in. We bonded over video games, anime, Brandon Sanderson, and our love for working out together. We still do all of those things together 15 years later. He got me into hiking and I pushed him to give karaoke a try but at the end of the day we still fundamentally like the same things. When we used to go dirt biking in Colorado I always felt bad when dudes would drag their girls there and they would be miserable with dirt in their lip gloss just fuming in the sun. Honestly don't date for looks because over time looks change. My husband is balding, I gained baby weight, but we both still hang out every night. On our 3rd run of BG3 and we watch My Hero with our kids while eating a dinner we cook together while listening to an audio book. If your girlfriend or boyfriend isn't your friend you eventually are gonna dislike them or get tired of them. Also you'll run out of things to talk about if you don't share common interests. He doesn't give a rats ass about Blake Lively and T Swift drama but I do and i truly don't care about chainmail and ancient armor so we don't really talk about that with each other. This past week we have had great discussions about dire wolf genes, south korea taking in defector north Korean soldiers, ai giving people the ability to speak again after a stroke, and the lorax. 🤷😂🤣 Our biggest fight to date was over aliens and mermaids because he believes in aliens but not mermaids and I think if 1 is possible the other is since our ocean floor is still such a mystery.

TLDR just date someone with the same hobbies as you so you can enjoy life together.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-04-28T22:12:44+00:00

Im glad you’ve confirmed and explicitly admitted the exact reason why men have to initiate, pay, wait and invest more effort in dating than women.

Additionally, most people date people who are similar to them in personality, as well as looks and class, not different

KayRay1994 · 2025-04-28T22:26:25+00:00

And men go for women under the premise of “how often can I fuck her?” - saying ‘most men want to find someone they can connect with’ is just false. Don’t kid yourself.

Your post comes with the core premise of “women, pick compatibility over hypergamy” but frankly any wise person will look at this and think “so this guy is explaining the exact reason why so many women are weary of men and is even justifying it”

Both genders look for the things they idealize rather than what may be best for them, it’s a very human thing to do. That doesn’t make it right, and breaking out of that thought is a part of maturing - but to say “men desire connection. Women desire entertainment. But men settle for sex!” Is flat out just bullshit

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2025-04-28T21:40:13+00:00

Has dating really become that superficial? When I was still on the market, although physical attraction was important as it's always been, it was also important to find someone with similar interests and values. It was like, you're not too shabby, we like the same music, let's fuck and go to concerts together. Does that seriously never happen anymore? Has OLD really reduced people to walking fleshbags?

hakunaa-matataa · 2025-04-28T21:57:21+00:00

I can agree with the overall sentiment that “if you want someone who is adventurous, you should also be adventurous”, but I think it’s a little silly to chastise either men or women for looking for qualities that they find attractive. A lot of people find humor and intelligence attractive, I don’t think men or women should just automatically vet those people out because they’re “too good for them”. I’ve seen a lot of successful examples of “opposites attract” (extroverted vs introverted, type A vs type B, etc.).

K4matayon · 2025-04-28T21:24:17+00:00

who the fuck wants to be "I'll take what I can get" guys partner

Traditional_Lab1192 · 2025-04-28T22:00:50+00:00

So pretty much women should have the same mentality as men “I’ll take what I can get.”

attendquoi · 2025-04-28T22:08:46+00:00

If men don't respect women who are less entertaining or intelligent, why do you think the reverse would be true?

3stun · 2025-04-29T10:06:38+00:00

Men with "I'll take what I can get" mentality - are not recognized as men by women, so your post really stuns them.

Like M.Sartain said there are 3 human species: female, high-value men, and ordinary men. What woman assume about men - is based on their experience with high-value men.

Appropriate-Mango385 · 2025-04-28T21:43:57+00:00

Personality is not a good gauge of what a good partner will be.

"Women look for guys who will entertain them"

Sounds like those women got exactly what they wanted, sex. Women can F around just as good as guys, they probably just keep it on the low-down more often because there's more social and physical repercussions.

And don't ever underestimate a man's ability to pretend he genuinely likes you and cares for you, all to find out he was only after "the endgoal" all along.

Too many slimy, lowlife men walking about but women are somehow supposed to be mindreaders, right?

We're supposed to tell he's gonna drop the act and piss off after he's got what he wanted, right?

Men are too confident coming in here to preach down to us about women choosing better, as if their fellow men cannot be absolute snakes in the grass, manipulating and fooling, leading on women, telling her he loves her and all that just to get laid.

From personal account I knew I guy who went to church for THREE MONTHS STRAIGHT, until he got with the girl he wanted, had his fun and ditched.

Can you imagine going to church for about three months just because you wanted sex? Do you see the effort your fellow men will put in to fool women?

But we're supposed to read minds, right?

We're supposed to somehow be able to look into the future, right?

I had entered another thread on another sub about men complaining about alimony and divorce telling them to choose better, because that's what you tell women when they marry a man who treats them badly but guess what, I got downvoted. Preaching about accountability is sweety sweet but only when we're talking to women, huh.

toad-wrangler · 2025-04-28T22:06:15+00:00

TLDR: "Prioritize compatability when looking for a long term partner if you want a relationship that will last." But make it over complicated.

In all seriousness, OP, neither men nor women have much of a chance at a successful relationship unless they prioritize compatibility. It doesn't have much, if anything, to do with the gender of the person seeking a partner.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2025-04-28T22:25:15+00:00

Sure- except how often do we see how badly men just want casual sex even on here. Lots of dudes just want to smash, and the ones who don’t are usually the ones who can’t

fiftypoundpuppy · 2025-04-28T22:05:00+00:00

The best matches are based on compatibility, not some random dude's absolutist proclamation that it's based on having the same personality

Some people are compatible due to similarities, others are most compatible due to complementarities. Most couples are a combination of the two to one degree or another

Do you really believe there's no compatibility with a submissive and dominant partner? A masculine and feminine partner? You need to be the same?

badgersonice · 2025-04-29T03:10:07+00:00

a lot of women don't realize is that most men have an "I'll take what I can get" mindset

Would you want to be in a relationship with a woman who merely tolerated you because “eh, I’ll take what I can get”? Would the relationship you described make you feel loved and valued?

Like seriously, I really do get it when dudes here say they don’t want to date a woman who is settling for them. Men want to feel special and loved and truly desired by a woman. They want to feel validated that this woman chose him over other men. And that is reasonable— everyone wants to feel special to the person they love.

Knowing that most men (quite understandably!) want to feel special and loved and validated in a relationship… why is it that you insist that women should settle for a relationship that is the exact opposite of loving and validating, where the man is merely tolerating her out of convenience and desperation? Would you really want to be in a relationship with a woman who views you like that?

When women go for men who are smarter than them, or funnier than them, or more exciting than them, they run the risk of choosing a man who does not respect her.

So would you say that the men who think women are “hypergamous” do not respect any of the women they date or marry, because they believe those women are beneath them? If you beleive women are always “dating up” like this, are you also incapable of respecting any of your girlfriends? If you make more money than a woman you date, do you look down at her smugly like she’s dumb trash?

You'll have more success if you evaluate how those qualities match with your personality.

I agree compatibility is valuable. But compatibility doesn’t mean identical people. In a normal healthy respectful relationship, both people usually bring different qualities to the table. If you are not capable of respecting someone who brings different qualities to the table than you, then that seems like a you problem, not a problem with most people.

philseven12 · 2025-04-29T08:54:47+00:00

Lol big facts, most of them can't get the "better" man to comply for a long term relationship.

If he is better than you it means u ain't qualified

Outrageous_Level3492 · 2025-04-28T21:39:34+00:00

Life's too short to hang out with men who have all the wit, wisdom and insight of a bowl of vanilla blancmange. That's not what I myself bring to the relationships in my life and I refuse to accept it from my friends and lovers. I have also all my life worked hard to prevent my siblings and children from becoming bland and boring.

You may say that boring men are safe. I don't particularly think so. They tend to chain one to a life not worth living.

If the only men available are tedious, might as well not bother at all. They can go spank it to porn and I will seek my most valued form of fulfillment from nonsexual relationships.

cutegolpnik · 2025-04-28T21:51:37+00:00

why aren't men more entertaining then?

they literally have the most boring hobbies (cars, sports, fishing, games)

they don't know how to kiki (shit talk), there is no color in the way they talk, its very flat and banal

the vast majority of the jokes they tell are not funny

> When women go for men who are smarter than them, or funnier than them, or more exciting than them, they run the risk of choosing a man who does not respect her.

if this theory is true then it means when women choose men below them, they will mistreat the men.

why are you okay with that? and if you're not okay with it, then why are you brushing it off when men do it and blaming women?

floracalendula · 2025-04-29T00:04:19+00:00

But I did go looking for someone who entertains me, and he isn't better or worse than me, and he's sticking around. Am I doing it wrong? Womaning wrong or something?

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MarioWilson122 · 2025-04-29T15:50:33+00:00

Yeah i think they know this but women will still try to go after the top guys for the most part which is the reason they are easily able to sleep with many women.

Unfortunately these guys that you are referring to alot of times cant get it until these women are done entertaining the top men first then they can get the opportunity for long-term only of course.

TigerBiting_A_Katana · 2025-05-01T20:31:37+00:00

It’s in human’s nature to seek out the best that one can get. It sounds like you are telling women to settle. Just date someone similar to yourself? This is essentially what you are saying.

_here_ok · 2025-04-28T22:24:56+00:00

I think entertain isn't the word. Moreso validate.

The more a person is a specific way in which is socially valuable or acceptable. The more validated an individual will feel in having come to find them, to be in a relationship with and ect.

The validation we as people should strive for is internal and if it's ever external it should be by the individuals we trust and can be vulnerable with.

The dark triad I feel is the culmination of this. Narcissism is the extreme of confidence. It's confidence that validates itself. Psychopathy is stoicism that validates itself. Machiavellianism is ambition that validates itself. And it is a toxic lure. Something that one doesn't notice problems with until the problems are presented themselves.

It's hard to figure out when an individual is confident or a narcissist when masking exists and ect. So in private is where the judgement must come. The flags in private should never be ignored.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2025-04-28T22:56:38+00:00

If I was a woman I’d take my chances with 50 chads running through me before I’d even consider dating… Oh

ZoneLow6872 · 2025-04-28T23:53:42+00:00

I feel like this is yet another iteration of telling women to "choose better." I can't wait for the sequel post of "why are women so picky?".

chocobococo · 2025-04-29T01:07:49+00:00

I've been with the same man since I was 18, we have been together for 14 years. He was definitely out of my league back then. He's 6'9" and incredibly handsome, smart, funny, the whole package. I definitely picked him because he was insanely attractive and we withstood the test of time. Go for it ladies!

FearlessSea4270 · 2025-04-29T01:08:27+00:00

When women go for men who are smarter than them, or funnier than them, or more exciting than them, they run the risk of choosing a man who does not respect her.

Sounds like a self-own dude. I feel like normal people don’t quantify who does and doesn’t deserve respect like that. It matters who you are, not you measure up to me..

catdog8020 · 2025-04-29T02:18:56+00:00

Why do you think women want men with personality and want to stick around. Not all but many women are essentially spinsters chasing chads. Many but not all Women don’t want children or a relationship or marriage. lol 😂

efficientaficionado · 2025-04-29T02:41:22+00:00

I think there's some stale air of entitlement here. It's like, "I shouldn't have to be interesting," or something like that.

To make a contrapoint: you should want to be interesting.

Every man that wants the purest form of female love that isn't his mother simply has to cultivate that... je na sais quoi... and you can't really do that as a really boring guy.

Think back to the interesting people you've met, and then try to remember the boring ones... Chances are good that the interesting people left much stronger impressions than the bores.

I'm not saying pander to women, but it's entitled to think that you shouldn't need to develop an interesting lifestyle and personality; and it's a mindset that is screwing a lot of young men over.

If you want a gold-digger, by all means: be the boring guy with the good career.

MarioWilson122 · 2025-04-28T21:52:40+00:00

Yeah i think they know this but women will still try to go after the top guys for the most part which is the reason they are easily able to sleep with many women.

Unfortunately these guys that you are referring to alot of times cant get it until these women are done entertaining the top men first then they can get the opportunity for long-term only of course.

Sufficient-Meal-5077 · 2025-04-28T22:18:59+00:00

So you're hoping to lower the standards of women instead of putting in some real effort?

Women should stop dating guys they like and give the nice guys a shot because it might lead to a longer lasting relationship?

Should they also stop chasing men they find sexually appealing? Maybe Quasimodo is actually a really sweet guy and that's who Esmerelda should have wanted all along?

Attraction and emotional/mental stimulation is over rated ladies, you need to give the nice guys a chance after all. Who cares if you find them boring, unattractive and weird, so what if they go to bed hugging an anime body pillow and never smell quite right, they also have a right to sex and its your job to provide /s

Maybe you should work on yourself and your attitude towards the people you want to sleep with instead of trying to bring women down and give advice on things you have no idea about. It's like taking health advice from a 500lbs smoker, they can say what they like and sometimes they might even be correct but you're not going to take them seriously.

ThatBitchA · 2025-04-29T01:16:11+00:00

Weird, all the relationships I've ever had were with men "better" and men who entertained me.

Never had any issues with commitment.

And they were all better AND had similar personalities.

It's best to not limit yourself or box yourself in like this thinking implies.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-04-29T02:29:00+00:00

Wild take to reduce dating to “women choose men who are too entertaining” and “men are just desperate and dumb.” This reads less like advice and more like a personal rant wrapped in pop-psychology.

Yes, compatibility matters. But the idea that women need to “aim lower” in personality to be respected is such a warped take. Respect isn’t something you earn by being less impressive, it’s a baseline requirement in any relationship. And suggesting that men only commit when they find someone on their “level” feels more like projection than reality.

If you’ve found that confidence and charm often come with flakiness, maybe the issue isn’t that women are aiming too high, maybe it’s that some people, regardless of gender, just aren’t emotionally mature.

uglysaladisugly · 2025-04-29T06:56:07+00:00

I don't see how you equated a woman wanting someone entertaining == a woman wanting someone funnier, more intelligent, etc than her.

How did you decide on this fundamental assumption?

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Money_Sink_4126 · 2025-04-29T05:40:22+00:00

No. Let them go for what they want and let their experience teach them. The same goes for men. It's better for you to go for what you desire than ruin a person who you aren't attracted to. Now, whether or not your criteria is realistic is a whole other question to be answered. IMO we'll see an explosion moving forward of harems and ENM where the guy that provides gets the relationship and the guy she's actually attracted gets to have her for fun. It's best for men to adapt or not play.

Fallen-Shadow-1214 · 2025-04-28T23:20:58+00:00

I think the issue is that the guy promises commitment and then leaves after using her like a fleshlight.

Still good advice tho.

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