Sexual compatibility isn't a real thing.

ThatBitchA · 2025-07-16T01:24:14+00:00

Disagree.

Being attracted to someone and having an orgasm during sex =/= sexual compatibility.

Sexual compatibility is more like similar tastes in sex style, duration, frequency, etc.

Sexual compatibility is a lot more than being attracted and having orgasms.

leosandlattes · 2025-07-16T01:02:07+00:00

Naw it is totally a real thing. Libido mismatch, how often you want to have sex, how much foreplay you want, etc.— all of that factors into sexual compatibility. Like whether you want head and whether your partner wants to do it or not.

I don’t get how women are “pressured” into sex early on unless he’s like literally blocking you from leaving. Just say no and stop dating him then. If a guy doesn’t wanna do sexual stuff with me early, I’d move on too.

No_Cornbread_Please · 2025-07-16T00:56:18+00:00

Disagree. A lot of stuff beyond what you brought up can go wrong. I don’t believe that most sexual incompatibility can be communicated through, that’s Reddit garbage.

I’m usually pretty Team Woman but on this one I’m with the men. I would not be happy if I sank more than 3 dates and feelings into someone I didn’t enjoy fucking.

Call me immature or whatever, but I will not teach men how to please me. At that point, put your clothes on, get up, I’m turned off. I’m not 20 anymore. If men don’t get it by their 30s, then no, sorry not happening.

Charming_Coffee_2166 · 2025-07-16T00:55:58+00:00

I lose interest once honeymoon phase's gone, so do all my female friends. They put up with pathetic maintenance sex while I give up men.

No we are not compatible

Clean-Luck6428 · 2025-07-16T00:57:15+00:00

So you’re saying that men you’ve refused sex in the early stages of a relationship have accused you of not caring about sexual compatibility?

Solondthewookiee · 2025-07-16T00:58:28+00:00

I like oral sex, giving and receiving.

Not all women like oral sex.

If I tried to date someone who didn't like oral sex, we would be incompatible.

Some women like BDSM, it has no appeal for me. If a woman into BDSM dated me, we would be incompatible.

Neither of these are niche fetishes.

El_Hombre_Fiero · 2025-07-16T00:59:06+00:00

What about libido? If you're high-libido and dating someone who's low-libido, that's going to cause frustration. You'll have to convince yourself to accept sex on a less frequent basis than you'd like. That's already an incompatibility.

As far as fetishes, it's one thing to find someone open to trying it with you. It's another to find someone who is enthusiastic about it. Personally, I'd rather be with the latter than the former. I don't want to feel like I'm forcing someone to try something when it comes to sex.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-07-16T03:35:10+00:00

Of course it is. Most people are normal, adaptable and reasonable

A minority are not, and they cause incompatibility

Whiskeymyers75 · 2025-07-16T00:55:58+00:00

Sounds like you haven’t had much sex. As someone with around 130 partners, I’ll tell you first hand that compatibility is very real.

jjjjsnsldlmxns · 2025-07-16T01:01:31+00:00

Someone with an extremely high sex drive and someone else with a very low sex drive aren’t sexually compatible. In this case, You can negotiate and come to an agreement about how often sex will occur, the low sex drive person can let the person with the high sex drive have sex with other people, or the couple can break up. If you don’t do one of those three things, either the high sex drive person will likely begin cheating, or they may get unhappy in the relationship leading to its deterioration.

Sexual compatibility is a real thing.

Also, some kinks might not be as niche as you think. Almost every girl I’ve ever been with has wanted me to take on a dominant role (to varying degrees). If a man wanted to be a sub, he would be sexually incompatible with most women.

duncan-the-wonderdog · 2025-07-16T01:01:52+00:00

Yeah, no.

If someone can't/won't indulge in my sexual interests and they need me to be monogamous too and they want sex once a month or every day? I'm sorry, but we're sexually incompatible. There are some things you can't teach people, that's where genuine incompatibity comes in.

Also, asserting yourself sexually? I'm sorry, but I'm not forcing anyone to engage in a type of sex play that they're not interested in, and I expect to be shown the same courtesy This is why communication is so important, you shouldn't wait until the clothes come off to start discussing what you actually will and won't accept in bed.

And this is coming from someone who has only had one bad sex partner, and that's because he was a dick outside of bed. Why was I so lucky? Because I was patient and I worked to screen out people immediately for sexual incompatibility by looking for people who wanted the same things in bed that I wanted.

AnonPinkLady · 2025-07-16T03:02:54+00:00

Sexual compatibility is a thing and it does go beyond the basics, but I don't think you have to necesarily give it a trial run as soon as possible to test it out. It should start with honest communication back and forth when both people express being comfortable with it. I. E. "where are you comfortable being touched" etc. I do think that some people weaponize sexual compatibility to prioritize sex above all else in a relationship and that's fucking wild tbh. If nothing else in a relationship matters to you, I question the purpose of forming a partnership at all. It is up to the individual how soon is too soon and anyone that uses the compatibility argument to pressure or coerce is after a firm and clear no, deserves the block button.

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USPSHoudini · 2025-07-16T01:21:47+00:00

The only people I have known to even use the word sexual compatibility outside of internet debates are women worrying about a new dude's kinks

KayRay1994 · 2025-07-16T01:50:18+00:00

No…. It is a thing, and it is important. Of course, some do use it as an excuse to get in early and yes, chemistry can be built with time - but also sex is about so much more than “I’m attracted to then and I finish”.

How a couple communicates is just as important as communicating, for example - and that ‘how’ can’t be taught since it has to do with core personalities. Interests and kinks can maybe develop, but they have to come form a base where someone might leap into that kink. You’re not gonna have someone repulsed by the phrase daddy grow into a DDLG kink, for example.

Sexual compatibility is absolutely a thing and it is important. It relies a lot on chemistry which is more dependant on how two personalities and mannerisms interact, and chemistry - at least that core chemistry threat gets the first spark started - that can’t be taught or communicated

oppositegeneva · 2025-07-16T01:53:47+00:00

Libido mismatch is 1000% a thing, which is probably the best example of sexual incompatibility

It exists and it isn’t just a tool men use in order to pressure women into sex quicker

Open communication doesn’t eliminate the fact that there are lots of people in this world that wouldn’t be sexually compatible, even if they are attracted to each other.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2025-07-16T05:11:23+00:00

I disagreed strongly. Different people enjoy different things during sex, have different quirks and kinks. What some people enjoy others hate

capsaicinintheeyes · 2025-07-16T06:24:46+00:00

"Compatibility" is probably misleading, but not as misleading as

If you're a competent adult capable of asserting yourself sexually you will never have to experience bad sex

and I'm not sure your elaboration helps any:

No I'm not concerned about men being bad/selfish lovers because I would literally never find myself in that situation. If someone is bad in bed, tell them what to do to improve, if they don't listen pull your pants up and leave.

...I mean, first of all, you're already *in* that situation by the time you know if they're bad in bed, and if the evening ends with coitus prematurely interruptus and one partner yanking their pants on and cutting out for home (you're assuming this doesn't take place at your place...{maybe} a good rule of thumb but not always practical), then I'm afraid that this part alone, regardless of performance issues, would make this what I think most people would regard as "bad sex."

(that said, not being shy about communicating your needs will definitely better your odds--the core thrust is good, as she said to me)

Practical-Monk1586 · 2025-07-16T07:00:05+00:00

Omg yes it is. The feelz is realz, or they ain’ttt. Such a difference in my book!

ashpr0ulx · 2025-07-16T08:56:17+00:00

i hate receiving oral, i have never liked it and never will.

how am i not incompatible with men who love eating pussy?

Werevulvi · 2025-07-16T11:12:05+00:00

I generally don't have an issue finding men I'm sexually compatible with, because I have a high sex drive and enjoy all the typical stuff. But, when a man is incompatible with me, it's usually because he either has a need for kinky sex which I'm not at all into, or he greatly prefers morning sex while I greatly prefer evening sex, or he wants to change things up constantly while I prefer doing the same thing every time, or on rarer occasion it's that he's not into oral at all while I love giving oral, or he has an unusually low sex drive.

It's not just kink vs vanilla, although in modern time that's a big issue of incompatibility, but in general it's just people liking different things sexually. Which yeah, isn't something most people can change all willy-nilly to satisfy a partner's different preferences, and frankly, shouldn't have to. It's better imo to find a partner who likes at least roughly the same things as you do. Instead of... I dunno what, shaming people into liking the same sexual things you do? Because I don't think that tactic is gonna help you find sexual satisfaction, tbh. More likely it's just gonna lead to resentment. You are not the arbiter of the definition of "good sex." Neither am I, or anyone else, because it's individual.

thelajestic · 2025-07-16T11:12:30+00:00

Hard disagree. Sexual compatibility is very real.

It encompasses a range of things - from your libidos, how you handle not having sex (are you both on board with dirty sex if you're not in the mood or are you comfortable to not have sex without it feeling like a rejection etc), what kind of things you like and dislike, how you view sex in general (is it super special magic to have only with the love of your life or is it a fun activity to be shared with any amount of commenting adults etc).

These things can be communicated but you're not compatible if you're not on the same page about them.

Barneysparky · 2025-07-16T01:02:26+00:00

I was so.going to downvote this thread but then I read it.

Yes. A thousand times yes.

I've been with a lot of guys, including the really small guy who we mutually explored anal sex together. Except for guys that are way too large only because they wanted to fulyl in ( which I understand) and they can't, I have never had a consensual partner where sex sucked.

Enjoying each other's bodies is something you learn together, not come into preprogrammed.

Ok_Use7 · 2025-07-16T02:41:45+00:00

That’s just not true. Sexual compatibility is a real thing. You know when it’s there and you know when it isn’t.

It’s crazy to imply that bad sex is avoidable by way of communication. You can tell someone you like a certain sex act, they do it, and their way of doing it doesn’t hit the way you like. That’s a sexual incompatibility.

You can’t say you didn’t assert yourself in that case.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2025-07-16T02:55:15+00:00

if I want sex one day a month and he wants it daily, and I would become sex repulsed by having sex more often than that - that’s an incompatibility
if I like rough, throw me against a wall, hold me tight, fuck me hard sex and he likes gentle kisses and slow build up - that’s incompatibility
if I love head and he hates it or vice versa - that’s incompatibility
if sex is always awkward, forced, and you never settle into a mutually pleasurable flow - that’s incompatibility
if I always have to tell him what to do and he does it poorly, and it never improves - that’s incompatibility
if I want to take charge and dominate the situation but he’s also a top - that’s incompatibility
if I’m submissive but so is he, then we’re just trading “i dont know what do you want me to do” - that’s incompatibility

These are just the basics, these don’t even take into account the over 100 kinks someone can have or the sex style someone has, religious ideals, or culture they exist in. A dude the other day told me men were disgusted by eating women out and it’s always been frowned upon. I’ve dated men I was attracted to but the sex was meh, no matter what I told him or how direct I was. I have been with men I was initially nervous around but once we had sex, everything just flowed, it just - oh my goodness it was magical. There is nothing like finding that partner. You don’t have to tell them, they read your body like a book written in a language meant just for them. An orgasm every time isn’t a question, it’s how many, how intense, what new feeling, what new level will you reach today. If you’ve never experienced that, then I feel sorry for you.

Finding sexual compatibility is incredibly important to me and I wouldn’t be able to be with someone long term without it. If you think you can find it with anyone, I fear your sex style would be just too vanilla for my rocky road havin ass. Maybe some or even most people could make it work. I couldn’t. I needed that to know they were a partner I could even begin to think about long term with. And I’ve had it with more than one man. It’s not some super special once in a lifetime thing - but compatibility is real. And when it clicks, the relationship just hits different.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2025-07-16T02:28:36+00:00

Dude you’re going to have to get better at coming up with controversial content.

If you’ve had sex with more than 5 people, you’d know that “sexual compatibility” is absolutely a thing.

And yes you can get better and there a level of skill to it but you’re still going to want someone on your level

Hope that helps.

FarConstruction4877 · 2025-07-16T03:35:26+00:00

You forgot kinks. Kink compatibility is important. Sub dom top bottom is a start.

UnpredictableDemise8 · 2025-07-16T01:37:29+00:00

I never heard a single man talk about ''sexual compatibility''. You're literally just making stuff up at this point.

coiled-serpent · 2025-07-16T03:54:36+00:00

"Sexual compatibility" seems like some shit women would worry about, not men.

Former_Range_1730 · 2025-07-16T04:21:08+00:00

"Anything else that distinguishes bad sex from good sex can be communicated and learned."

Yeah but this:

"The only valid instances of sexual incompatibility I can think of are if your anatomy literally doesn't match, or you have some niche fetish you absolutely require that the other person isn't into, both of these things are extraordinarily rare and can be communicated."

Tends to be the exactly reason for the bad sex. There is no communicating around that.

And why have two people force themselves to fit a square peg in a round hole, when you can just find a sexually compatible person?

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2025-07-16T04:48:07+00:00

I find it hilarious that you guys think that a woman will automatically finish during PIV if she’s attracted to her partner.

I have almost never had an orgasm from penetration if the guy didn’t get me off from oral or manual stimulation first. Literally, that’s the difference between good sex and bad sex for me and a lot of other women.

The hottest guy I ever slept with was unwilling to do that.

kvakerok_v2 · 2025-07-16T05:56:11+00:00

Cavernous vagina.
Never seen anything bigger than 6 inches.

Choose one.

Have a look at r/bigdickproblems for self-education sometime.

throwaway73737828 · 2025-07-16T06:40:05+00:00

Nah its a real thing, you just didnt experience a lot of sex thats all. Also wdym by men using as a manipulation tactic to have sex. Do they say “Yo I want to see how sexually compatible we are, drop your panties” or something?

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-07-16T06:48:47+00:00

You either didn't have a lot of sex partners yet, or you are very compatible and therefor can go with anything that the other side wants/requires.

"anything can be learned"... maybe, maybe not, but that is not the point. The point is if the person WANTS to learn. There is a reason why we do not have 100% rate of people having had anal sex. There is a reason why there is a lifetime rate of about 1/3 for having had threesomes. About 30% of men and women hate giving oral sex. About 30% don't like receiving. I could list pages of sexual practices that are not "niche fetishes" that are not liked by everyone or even the majority.

a manipulation tactic to justify pressuring their dates into sex early

I don't think that is as common as you make it out to be. I require early sex and when i wouldn't get it, i would be gone. Didn't have sex later than the 2nd date. Never told a woman i require early sex to check for compatibility. Rejected lots of women for not being compatible after sex.

Voicing your wants and needs and acting accordingly to if you get them met or not is relationship 101. Even if some men, said to some women "see, i need to see if we are sexually compatible early, because i don't want to waste time and invest into a relationship that doesn't meet the compatibility criterion", this is not manipulation but making clear statements about personal requirements and needs/wants. The woman is free to reject, free to say: "requiring early sex is against my needs. I think we are not compatible, fare well!"

If you have a problem with the concept, just read it in your head as: "i require early sex to know i am desired by you sexually and i don't want to wait for sex, as that hurts my ego. I like you, but i will be gone if there is no early sex. Do with that info what you want."

autistic_cool_kid · 2025-07-16T08:00:12+00:00

If that's true then why do I consistently have the best sex with autistic ADHD people

StadChacy · 2025-07-16T09:00:52+00:00

It really isn’t. Toadies for pointing this out. It’s weird because women that say “we weren’t sexually compatible” just mean “he wasn’t sexually experienced”…and to me it’s like “could you just fuckin show him what you want?”

I swear women will do ANYTHING but help a guy. Approach you. Court you. Provide for you. Protect you. But God forbid he uses your social circle for a social life because men aren’t really liked like that, doesn’t know how to fuck because women are hellbent on screwing the same 5 celebrities and drug dealers, or pronounces “especially” “specially”. “No, he needs to get his life together”.

This is why I’ve always said men don’t benefit from relationships. All the “benefits” men get are self-derived. Difference being, kids ACTUALLY benefit from having parents. Whereas parents get to “feel good about themselves for providing for their kids”. Dumb shit like that. And it makes sense too…because for a guy to actually benefit, a woman has to give, and when women give anything to a man, they always count it against him and as some sort of loss.

GrouchNslouch777 · 2025-07-16T03:39:52+00:00

Dude if you have to "communicate and learn" how to get some woman off, it becomes a job at that point.

If you just want to smash for a few minutes and finish there are women out there who will get off just fine from that (SHOCKER).

and the same is true for any other shit you're into.

The incessant need to be extra regarding sex is so lame. Sexual compatibility = do your approaches to sex work ro produce mutual satisfaction?

So if you bang some chick and she has some issue or didn't cum or whatever like....just ditch her and find someone who's down for whatever it is you do.

Having to read someone's instruction manual for getting them off is not worth it. Way better to find someone who just meshes well with whatever you do.

And women propagate the whole "u need to be x y z" in bed shit. But TRP is SUPER GUILTY of pushing this "u gotta learn how to satisfy her bro."

Like get real.

Parrotsandarmadillos · 2025-07-16T00:54:38+00:00

It absolutely is a thing. Some things I will never do sexually with someone no matter how attractive they are.

Title	Sexual compatibility isn't a real thing.
Author	duckingretard
Upvotes	1
Comments	92
Date	July 16, 2025 12:49 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1m0yzsy/sexual_compatibility_isnt_a_real_thing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/sexual-compatibility-isnt-a-real-thing.1557252 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557252

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