If a guy uses terms like “dance monkey” and “beta bucks”, he despises relationships. (Even if he claims to want one)

Melodic_Structure928 · 2025-09-05T18:49:20+00:00

again you'll never keep the same energy in a gender flipped scenario. this is basically another stfu beta Billy and do your job without complaints or any form of reciprocation.

Lemon_gecko · 2025-09-05T16:39:20+00:00

Relationship is a broad term. a guy might want a relationship, just not the one you mean.

Findol272 · 2025-09-05T17:21:11+00:00

The queen of nonsense strawman arguments is back!

calling it “being a dance monkey” because they have to actually impress a person instead of merely existing

Yeah…”having to “impress” someone continuously is what being a “dance monkey” is… Thinking about relationships as if it were about “impressing” the other is just very weird and childish.

beta bucks seems to be being upset what women want out of relationships is different from what women want from hookups (Alpha Fucks)

They’re not upset that the relationship is different from a hookup. They understand what a hookup is, what they’re calling out is that a lot of women in relationships are unwilling to have sex with their “partner” or lack the desire to be sexually active or explorative within their long term relationships, especially when they find out that the same person was very sexually forward with other partners, in more “casual” circumstances. The majority of men will still want/expect a sex life out of their long term relationship.

She’s not getting with Christian Grey and he’s not gonna live out his porn fantasies.

Sure, but if the guy figures out his partner was living out his porn fantasies with someone else, they might wonder why they’re committing to someone who seems to not have desire for them.

she had hookups and he refuses to admit he wants a hookup

The main lie of your whole post is that sex apparently can only happen in hookups. The guys you’re talking about don’t want a “hookup”, they want an active sex life with their long term partner to which they’re offering efforts and commitment, when in this scenario their partner was sexually active with people who didn’t offer any commitment nor efforts.

it’s there are guys who male it very clear they everything about a relationship thats not sex related, but swear they dont want hookups.

Again, huge straw man. They just want a healthy sex life within their relationship. That’s not “wanting a hookup”.

IgorXY · 2025-09-05T16:14:08+00:00

If a girl uses terms like "emotional labour" she despises relationships.

Or it is ok to complain about imbalanced dynamics in dating.

jazzmaster1992 · 2025-09-05T16:25:57+00:00

They don't give a single fuck about her if she doesn't fuck him as fast as her hookups.

No. I just assume that if she doesn't want to bang me as quickly as some guy she met at the club or on an app, I assume she's not as attracted to me as she was to him, and I'm not interested in that kind of relationship where I'm put in a lower tier of sexual desirability.

Albedo200 · 2025-09-05T16:43:48+00:00

There is a difference between settling and making it obvious that you are settling.

If you are making it really difficult for your partner to get any affection or sex but u had no problem giving it quickly to other guys in the past, then you are making it obvious that you are settling. The guy doesnt despise relationships if he walks away from this. He just despises a relationship with you.

JollyRoger66689 · 2025-09-05T17:01:28+00:00

Why wouldn't someone dislike that they have to do more than others for the same kind of treatment?

Like seriously is it that hard to imagine that someone is going to dislike that coming from someone that you are dating, to men it simply means you don't like us as much as the other guys. And yes there are certainly things about dating that men dislike, such as spending $$$

AntonioSLodico · 2025-09-05T18:00:08+00:00

I never heard the term "dance monkey" before now, but there are definitely women out there who expect to be "entertained" by their dates or partners while not being particularly "entertaining" themselves.

Similarly, it seems common for women to have dates where they ask questions and the guy just talks about themselves instead of volleying questions back and listening to her as well.

In either case, dates who don't really put forth much effort or interest kind of suck, have some issues, or just aren't that into you. No need to turn them into gender war talking points, and easily avoided with a bit of empathy.

growframe · 2025-09-05T17:25:56+00:00

Some will say beta bucks is not the same as just a relationship, so Im curious what the difference is.

The ideal relationship for men under the AFBB model is Alpha Bucks; being valued for both alpha traits (looks, excitement, charisma) and beta traits (resources, loyalty, stability).

The difference is that while all relationships ate theoretically transactional, the terms and conditions involved in BB relationships are much more pronounced. You're effectively paying for a relationship but keeping it under the hood.

She’s not getting with Christian Grey and he’s not gonna live out his porn fantasies.

Speak for yourself

The_Forgotten001 · 2025-09-05T21:38:36+00:00

You see men are human beings like women. When someone feels the effort they give is not an equivalent exchange back to them….. they feel cheated.

No one is talking about perfect couples, when those men say that. It’s because of an imbalance.

Why don’t you ask what she is doing to balance it out? What is she doing to deserve said treatment and what does she give in return? Why do you never ask or state what the woman is doing?

wtknight · 2025-09-05T17:15:20+00:00

Men get upset that other men supposedly didn’t have to be “dance monkeys” for these women. Just because they don’t like the supposed double standard doesn’t mean that they don’t want a relationship with a woman who doesn’t have that kind of double standard.

BrainMarshal · 2025-09-05T16:15:30+00:00

They hate how much effort they have to put into a relationship, calling it “being a dance monkey” because they have to actually impress a person instead of merely existing. And beta bucks seems to be being upset what women want out of relationships is different from what women want from hookups (Alpha Fucks). Some will say beta bucks is not the same as just a relationship, so Im curious what the difference is.

One man puts more into courting a woman than you or 100,000 women will ever do to court a man in your entire lifetimes combined. Romance is literally what a woman experiences and a man gives.

Zabadoodude · 2025-09-05T16:20:47+00:00

Many guys want an equal romantic relationship where their girl is about invested in the relationship as he is, and does about as much to impress him as he does to impress her. When men say they don't want to be a "dancing monkey" or a "beta bux" they mean they want a relationship that isn't one sided. Which is perfectly reasonable.

For most people sex is an essencial part of romantic relationships, but it's not the only part of a relationship men care about. Pointing out that they also care about sex, doesn't prove that they only care about sex.

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2025-09-05T16:25:11+00:00

a lot of women would gladly choose the alpha fucks guy for relationships too, they just don't get to. he's the one who chooses not to commit. it's mostly women who complain about lack of commitment and situationships, being used for sex and so on after all.

the effort required for a relationship can vary greatly for both men and women. dancing monkey refers to situations where men are expected to do unreasonable amounts of work while the woman gets to sit back and just be herself. it's an unequal relationship and has nothing to do with despising relationships in general.

IridikronsNo1Fan · 2025-09-05T16:17:13+00:00

We're dealing with 2 possibilities here:

She withholds sex because she doesn't actually find him attractive but likes the money / status / lifestyle that he can provide. In this case the guy is screwed.
She withholds sex because even though she finds him attractive, she is still willing to use sex as a tool of control and manipulation. In this case the guy is screwed as well.

Have some self-respect y'all. Relationships where affection is given freely are amazing. Relationships where you have to fight an uphill battle for every crumb of affection are worse than being single.

Ok_Cook_3098 · 2025-09-05T16:19:00+00:00

How you are wrong in short points

1.

yes, men hate it, because many know how fast woman open the leggs for chad and they have to jump truth rings to get to the same point after weeks, people always hate double standards

2.

where is the normal guy who rejected a girl becouse had to wait for sex?

3.

most guys would want a relationship and hookups, but you are absolutely and clearly speaking about chad, normal guys would have a problem to wait 3-4 Dates until sex, yes maybe they would prefer it faster, but you speak about Chad, Chad is rejecting woman because he is spoiled that the 4 date is for anal (or somthing like that)

Your clearly projecting your Chad adventures to normal men

Cultural-Ad-8486 · 2025-09-05T17:39:30+00:00

>They hate how much effort they have to put into a relationship, calling it “being a dance monkey” because they have to actually impress a person instead of merely existing

If you have to persuade someone to give you attention, the game is over before it even starts. And yes, it is persuasion, not flirting or communication. Remember, you yourself used the term "dance monkey", so you also understand that this is exactly what applies here.

>Everyone settles

And this is bullshit. Not only is it often not so, but the point is not in "settles" as such, but in the fact that partners should feel like "settles" and as if they have lowered their level.

And the fact that they do not just want to live peacefully on, but specifically "settles" in the worst sense indicates that, in your own words, a man should "being a dance monkey" and that is literally a woman's persuasion for a relationship

>These guys will claim “but she gave her best to the other guy” its usually talking about that she had hookups and he refuses to admit he wants a hookup

We already know perfectly well that in your opinion, ladies in relationships don't fuck. Just as they shouldn't lust after their partner sexually

>They dont give a single fuck about her if she doesnt fuck her as fast as she fucks her hookups.

Or maybe he just wants confirmation that she likes him sexually... But I understand from your "settling" shit that you probably think that asking for attraction from your partner is too much.

Soft-Neat8117 · 2025-09-05T20:40:17+00:00

I'll say it straight up, I don't want relationships and never have. I just want sex. I've never wanted to get married or even go on a date.

Logos1789 · 2025-09-06T06:12:27+00:00

Why shouldn’t men care that a woman isn’t attracted enough to them that she won’t have sex with them as quickly as she did with men who were literally deemed unworthy?

Logical_Breadfruit49 · 2025-09-06T10:37:42+00:00

Suppose a man you were dating took you out to a $40 restaurant and is moderately nice to you over the course of several dates. You then find out that this same man took every single one of his previous partners to $200 first dates, and was much more caring and affectionate towards them, but not towards you.

Would any of this upset you, and would learning this about him affect your desire to commit to him?

If you think the man is being unfair, then that is exactly how men feel in the AFBB situation.

champion_azure · 2025-09-06T10:40:16+00:00

Women on here claim that historically, they had to marry men for survival.

Men read this and interpret it as: that gender has no qualms about manipulating a guy, or using him for money.

Even when a post about passport bros arise, the usual harpies descend gleefully wishing financial and emotional ruin of run-of-the-mill unfortunate looking fellow, exclaiming "she's only with you for your money".

So, it's not that men don't say it, but is there justification for thinking it.

Jephta · 2025-09-05T18:28:23+00:00

They dont give a single fuck about her if she doesnt fuck her as fast as she fucks her hookups.

Yes. Why would any man that respects himself be interested in having a relationship with a woman that's not attracted to him? Are you insane?

YOU may get a sense of security out of being with your favorite person every day who is emotionally connected to you, is your best friend, and is willing to prioritize and invest in you. But we don't get that. Instead, we maybe get to unknowingly raise the kid of the man that wouldn't commit to you despite your best efforts but gets your pussy wet by just looking at him because we're the chump that would commit to you. That's the danger of being the relationship guy. That's why most men make it about sex early and bail when you start making it about relationship shit. We don't want emotional connection or whatever else to be the foundation. Attraction should be the foundation.

ctrl_f_sauce · 2025-09-05T16:27:21+00:00

They want the foresight that comes from taking it slow and seriously, by taking it fast and casually.

VersionEins · 2025-09-05T16:14:44+00:00

actually impress a person

There is no need to do this.

AutoModerator · 2025-09-05T16:04:59+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2025-09-05T16:04:59+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

RevolutionaryJob7908 · 2025-09-06T10:09:57+00:00

I disagree that using those terms means the man despises relationships. It means he doesn't trust women will follow the rules.

FrodoCraggins · 2025-09-06T16:03:45+00:00

Once again the OP comes on here preaching the gospel of the Madonna/whore complex.

“Why don’t you guys want to be chaste Madonnas who aren’t interested in sex? The fact that you want sex at all means you’re exactly like those whores she slept with in the past that meant nothing to her!”

midnight_blue77 · 2025-09-08T05:23:09+00:00

They hate how much effort they have to put into a relationship.

Um. No.

We resent that the payoff is almost never worth the effort. It's like asking to take on the responsibilities, stress, and workload of a CEO along with all the training and education this position entails, while getting the pay of an intern (which is often zero).

A lot of dudes will honestly not mind being your dance monkey (simping and degrading themselves at your service), just don't get upset that he stops the act the moment he gets the peanut.

Barely-moral · 2025-09-05T16:17:30+00:00

I do hate the effort required to enter into s relationship and remain in it because it includes changing my entire life, lifestyle, personality, mannerisms, routine.. I can go on.

What is bothersome about beta bucks is the existence of an alpha fucks in her past.

I do want my partner's best as defined by her previous actions and considering the high price I have to pay just to get to the first date I am not accepting less.

If hookup behavior is in her past I want it. If it is not then I don't.

flyingpilgrim · 2025-09-06T02:28:44+00:00

I think there's truth to what you're saying, absolutely. Sort of like when I hear people unironically say "bang maid," but then lament that they can't meet anyone, I imagine that people who say "beta bucks" probably elicits a similar feeling.

Civil-Guarantee-6652 · 2025-09-05T16:14:37+00:00

This what Dance Monkey means btw: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=q0hyYWKXF0Q&pp=ygUMZGFuY2UgbW9ua2V5

Title	If a guy uses terms like “dance monkey” and “beta bucks”, he despises relationships. (Even if he claims to want one)
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	0
Comments	229
Date	September 5, 2025 4:04 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1n99agf/if_a_guy_uses_terms_like_dance_monkey_and_beta/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-a-guy-uses-terms-like-dance-monkey-and-beta.1561341 https://theredarchive.com/post/1561341

Comments