How do the conversations about women willing to do naughtier things with past partners come up?

Arrowdodgingace · 2026-06-23T00:52:28+00:00

If a woman will not do sexual things with you that are important to you, you are sexually incompatible. It’s best for all parties to leave in that situation because the resentment will grow and that relationship will rot.

Reasonable_Mouse789 · 2026-06-23T00:49:41+00:00

I don’t think I’ve ever had that exact specific conversation (I mostly have only slept with women who are pretty open to me), but for the most part, it’s because lots of people are socially awkward, and talk about their exes.

Picture a guy who rants about his exes on a date with a woman. Everyone sane agrees he’s socially awkward when analyzing his behavior, but many people act like that anyway. Some women are similar to that.

ComfortableJeansGuy · 2026-06-23T01:09:35+00:00

In a past relationship, I'd let it slip that for a girl I used to date, I'd built an extension onto my house so she'd have some more room. Spent months and months working myself to death. Spent thousands.

But as time went on, and that relationship failed, I realised that it was way too much for me to put into a relationship that was only a little over a year old.

After my girlfriend at the time found out, the amount of times I heard "You did that for X, but you won't even do Y for me?!" was mind-numbing. Even over small things.

You might think she sounded horrible, but it was my mistake.

I let slip details about a past relationship, and it's only human for my partner to then compare herself to my past partners. It's not her fault. She's just going to do so whether she wants to or not.

It's totally reasonable that she'd feel insecure about the lengths I went for others in comparison to her. It being a mistake in my mind doesn't change how she's going to feel hearing that.

Do not let talk about what you used to do with/for other partners with your current partner.

Of course, when a person is going to hear "I used to let X fuck me in my ass, but I'm not going to do that with you." They aren't going to think that you just didn't like it so don't want to do it any more. They're going to feel they're less than, and you don't find them as attractive as X.

They come up by people being too flippant and uncaring about how they're going to make their partner feel.

I fucked up by making my partner think that I'd build a house for some other girl, but not for her. It was stupid and inexperienced of me.

Whole situations like this can be avoided by simply saying "Oh, no. I don't want to do that. I wouldn't enjoy it." and leaving it at that.

As a rule, don't bring up, or compare past partners to your current. It doesn't ever end well.

Comfortable_Fix_1601 · 2026-06-23T01:05:29+00:00

It's sort of just happened for me. I never pay attention to who steered the conversation that way, but truth will out at the end of the day

IcyTrapezium · 2026-06-23T06:44:38+00:00

I had an ex who mentioned he liked going down on his past girlfriend but just didn’t want to do that anymore with anyone. He actually just stopped wanting sex period. Why did he say that to me? Because he was a weird asshole. People say stupid shit in the relationships when they have low emotional intelligence and don’t think about how their actions impact others.

Ok_Use7 · 2026-06-23T01:31:49+00:00

Curiosity and distrust arises so they pry and pry and pry and pry and pry until you eventually tire and tell them.

That’s when all hell breaks loose.

Neverending_Danding · 2026-06-23T09:48:59+00:00

Tho I only was in 3 relationships so far, all 3 of my ex girlfriends would just start babbling about it themselves. Usually after some alcohol (so like a party etc). Even after I would say few times I don't really want to hear that, they'd still talk about it. The worst one was when my ex's friend brought up this topic, and they all started ducking giggling and bushing about my ex's ex and stuff they did, right next to me.u

purplejellyotter · 2026-06-23T01:24:02+00:00

Men usually ask then suggest I'm obligated to give them the same as others got despite not liking it. Now I just lie.

fucksiclepizza · 2026-06-23T00:52:26+00:00

Never had one, i've never asked, shes never brought it up. Its irrelevant to me anyway.

Existing-Sign4804 · 2026-06-23T00:48:11+00:00

It’s a convo that goes him: “hey I’d like to try this” her: “I don’t want to I tried that once and didn’t like it”. Him: “wah!!!!! You did it with him, why not MEEEEE 😭😭😭😭”

chamomilecloud · 2026-06-23T01:36:02+00:00

Him: “How do you feel about [xyz]?” (usually anal)

Her: “No thanks, I tried it and I didn’t like it.”

Him: “You fucking whore, I bet you’d do it if I was Chad.”

There you go.

AlmondMilkMaybe · 2026-06-23T00:58:15+00:00

This is all from my experience and observations, but unless it's being consciously withheld, people's pasts come up. Over time, you talk about exes, dating experiences, kinks, likes, and dislikes. Sometimes men assume what her past "probably" is (especially based on how fast/slow she did things with him, her level of hotness, her amount of guy friends, her social media posts, etc.), and some will go into investigation mode. Others avoid the topic completely because they don't want to know (or share their own past). It runs the gamut in my experience.

RelativeCondition915 · 2026-06-23T03:54:20+00:00

It rarely comes up. On the rare occasions someone has tried to pry, it's very easy to politely sidestep, because asking is rude to begin with.

Sufficient_Drop8906 · 2026-06-23T17:24:02+00:00

Whole lot of mental gymnastics going on in this post in comments, reading way into things that OP didn't even post about. It's so wild and the double standards the women are making is literally insane and projecting.

MarioWilson122 · 2026-06-23T05:38:08+00:00

Sometimes the man asks directly about past relationships, sexual history, exes, fantasies, or things she's done before. Other times the woman volunteers the information herself during conversations about past relationships or sexual experiences.

The more important point is that these conversations usually don't become an issue simply because the information came up. They become an issue when the man perceives a difference in desire, effort, or enthusiasm.

For example, if he hears, "I did X, Y, and Z with my ex, but I don't want to do those things with you," the question usually isn't who brought up the topic. The question becomes why the difference exists.

So the source of the conversation is often less important than the interpretation of what the information supposedly says about attraction, desire, or investment in the current relationship.

PuzzleheadedRow9896 · 2026-06-23T01:56:20+00:00

I think generally it comes up when dudes pressure for sex and require an explanation why their girl doesn't want to "at least try it".

Not that this is a problem for me, but this is why I recommend women don't treat their holes like they're open for negotiation. No is a full sentence. I do not want to is a full sentence. You don't have to justify why you don't want any sexual experience. If he even whispers something about being adventurous or trying something once, you get up, gather your things, and tell him respect for your sexual boundaries is not a three strikes system. And then you leave and you do not get back together.

TalleyrandTheWise · 2026-06-23T00:52:11+00:00

It's usually the man asking his girlfriend if she wants to try something, and she says she "doesn't do that anymore," or something alluding to the fact that she used to do it (or has in fact tried it) but would definitely not want to do it with him now.

WebNew9978 · 2026-06-23T01:05:49+00:00

Nonexistent

Jip_Jaap_Stam · 2026-06-23T06:32:30+00:00

Usually when trying stuff out.

This post, though, is proof of how disingenuous some people are on here. Straightaway, they have to jump to the worst possible conclusion and accuse men of the worst things. "I bet you wanted anal, even though she tried it once and almost died, but you still wanted to force it on her, you evil monster!"

These people don't want a discussion. They just want an excuse to paint themselves as victims and men as predators, or as pathetically insecure.

It doesn't have to be something drastic, painful and undesirable. For example, a woman who tried and enjoyed various things with a hot ONS, but limits her safe option to basic missionary for a period of time. Before trying and enjoying those slightly more adventurous things with him. But, oh no, it has to be sadistic man vs poor, defenceless woman. Dishonest, thought-terminating nonsense.

Axis_Control · 2026-06-23T02:39:20+00:00

Men either ask about what I've done before or ask about specific things

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PlantRake · 2026-06-23T04:56:28+00:00

Idk about “naughtier” but my husband and I have had conversations that naturally happened due to being together almost a decade.. I don’t feel insecure about any of it and neither does he, both of us are comfortable initiating the conversation.. I don’t see what we’d learn that would diminish what we have.

He has also specifically asked me things like how many men I had slept with and I asked after he brought it up.

K4matayon · 2026-06-23T13:13:24+00:00

I think sometimes it comes from insecurity for example for promiscuity someone could carry feelings of shame or maybe they could feel like they are “fooling” their partner by not sharing their body count or sexual acts from the past which makes them feel guilty.

That guilt and shame eats at you and from that perspective the only thing that would make it better would be to be accepted by your partner with your perceived flaws and so they open up hoping to get accepted and since this hangs on all that guilt and shame built up to a point where they would come clean it would be very painful to get rejected at this point

Emotional_Meal748 · 2026-06-23T20:57:28+00:00

You wanna do something, you ask have you done this before?

Tangled_Upin_Poo · 2026-06-24T17:25:32+00:00

Early 40s hapa male - admittedly, I present as a Nice Guy^TM and the handful of women who deign to date me assume that I've had less romantic/sexual experience than them (generally true). As such, they're the ones who start discussions about sexual preferences. My own preferences remain underdeveloped since I'm still focused on simply getting 🍆 into 🍑. Usually, these conversations begin after our first attempt at coitus. They start something like this:

Has anyone let you [sexual act] them?

And when my answer is inevitably no

This one guy I was seeing who [negative attribute], [negative attribute], [negative attribute] tried [sexual act] with me...

Intelligent-Insight · 2026-06-25T02:17:23+00:00

You could be discussing certain acts or fantasies, then ask if she's done that and/or would do it. Then it comes up. Or it can slip out sometimes.

Suddenfury · 2026-06-25T11:55:05+00:00

In my case i have never asked about it but they've told me anyway. It doesn't bother me if we aren't in a serious relationship. But it has bothered me greatly in my last relationship and a relationship before that.

Khanluka · 2026-06-26T11:07:41+00:00

Unless your ex is the father or mother of your childeren never talk about ex partners. Golden rule

HenryJones387 · 2026-06-28T05:13:43+00:00

A lot of the time, it isn't that one person randomly volunteers that information. It usually comes up because the conversation shifts toward past relationships, sexual history, likes and dislikes, or comparisons.

Sometimes the man asks directly out of curiosity or insecurity. Sometimes the woman brings up a past experience as part of a story or while discussing boundaries or preferences.

The bigger point is that simply hearing about something someone did in a previous relationship doesn't automatically tell you why they did it or why they don't do it now. People change, different relationships have different dynamics, and comfort levels can vary.

If someone is concerned that they're being treated differently, the productive conversation is about the current relationship and whether both people feel desired, respected, and compatible, rather than assuming the past alone proves anything.

TheEdwardWills · 2026-07-01T01:41:40+00:00

Probably just randomly when talking about past sexual experiences.

mobjack · 2026-06-23T02:10:01+00:00

You ask what is the craziest thing you have done sexually?

No_Locksmith_1739 · 2026-06-23T03:41:38+00:00

Buy a thunder bunny. They have them on Amazon and in shops. No, I’m not kidding.

You and whomever are welcome.

Gilmoregirlin · 2026-06-23T14:58:52+00:00

It comes up because the men ask.

TheRedPillRipper · 2026-06-23T00:48:19+00:00

This is anecdotal but I do it directly. The key is setting. Straight after sex? Probably not the best setting. Conversely at a resort during digestif? Have been far more.. Fruitful.

Title	How do the conversations about women willing to do naughtier things with past partners come up?
Author	harmonica2
Upvotes	27
Comments	355
Date	June 23, 2026 12:43 AM UTC (4 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ud2bvi/how_do_the_conversations_about_women_willing_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-the-conversations-about-women-willing-to-do.1583417 https://theredarchive.com/post/1583417

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