The "problem" with paying is that men here don't like the types of women willing to pay for themselves on dates.

brassbuffalo · 2026-06-23T14:21:53+00:00

I've found no evidence that left wing women want to split the bill in greater numbers. That's one of the frustrating things. They could talk about feminism and gender roles all day, but they still expect the man to pay.
If you had said ugly desperate woman it would have been a much more believable idea. Saying woman who want to be sugar mamas makes it stupid, because they aren't looking to pay for average or below average Joe. Not to mention women looking to be sugar mamas are exceedingly rare.
In my experience, single moms are more demanding when it comes to money. Many of them have no qualms about asking you to pay for a babysitter.

The actual problem is that there is no "type" willing to pay for themselves. It's a completely individual basis. You can exclusively date ugly single moms and still meet woman that want you to pay. You'd know this if you based your ideas off real world experience instead of imaginary archetypes.

behappyfor · 2026-06-23T12:13:53+00:00

One thing I have seen in social media is that every guy is desperate for a girlfriend. Irl it's not true at all, guys don't just accept girls like that. Heck sometimes guys will reject girls who are in the same category lookswise. I guess Reddit and other Social Media has the most unattractive, non social men so that's why it feels like so many are "desperate" when in reality it's not really the case?

The-Sound_of-Silence · 2026-06-23T13:49:30+00:00

This post feels a bit like rage bait/sarcasm against women

If she shows all the "positive masculine traits" (basically just being a competent adult with self-control and no insecurities)

why is being a competent adult the domain of men?

Men here will say they'll take any woman, but most don't really mean it.

I think this is old thinking. Men seem much more willing to pull back from society or not engage, nowadays

Similarly, some older single mom looking for a hot baby sitter for her kids. I say this from my friend telling me he was upfront when he had no car, no job, no money....and his DMs were flooded with older single moms who wanted to take care of him.

This seems fine tbh, some men like kids. I think more likely you're gonna find a dude who is more interested in the mom than the kids though

So why would she put up with a guy expecting her to pay for herself when there's nothing special about him? She can find a guy with all his perks and the added perk of paying for expensive meals.

This feels like you are saying if someone is hot, they don't need to deal with life/pay. Imho, the being hot stuff only gets you through the door, like a job interview

Prior-Impression-871 · 2026-06-23T11:36:40+00:00

Men could just date women that split the bill. But they don't want to

And since they don't want to, that piece of advice solves nothing and just enrages them instead. Like, can't we see that they want baddies to go 50/50 with them?

But they'll never say it like that

Emotional_Meal748 · 2026-06-23T18:54:48+00:00

Absolutely not reality
1.She shows she’s pathetic because she sees being an adult as being an asshole
2.they’ll take any woman for sex not relationship. There’s a huuuuuuge difference
3.insta models? So far away from the typical male experience

JadeGrapes · 2026-06-24T07:01:05+00:00

A certain percent of guys DO believe spending a certain amount entitles them to eventual sexual access.

THOSE guys bummed out that you aren't a naive h'hoe for tacos instead of the going cash rate.

NotAllTheCake · 2026-06-23T23:38:51+00:00

Men should always pay. Here's why.

Men will always screw over women with the administrative work, household duties, chores and childcare in relationships. Until men are statistically proven to start doing their fair share, women should always assume the men will leave her with the bulk of unpaid work, even if she has her own full-time job. If women are expected to plan and pay for dates, under the guise of "equality", in addition to all her duties that somehow fall to her in a heterosexual relationship, then what the hell do the men do? Their once-a-year oil change/tire rotation/gutter cleaning/drain unclogging/snow shoveling doesn't fly here.

Paying for and planning dates is the least men can do, because they don't do very much else in relationships. This is just another manipulation by men to squeeze even more unpaid work out of women.

Men don't get to claim equality if they haven't cleaned their own bathroom in decades.

statsfodder · 2026-06-23T10:47:21+00:00

You are basically complaining like a "nice guy" .. who cares if you want to pay, we don't owe you a relationship just because you are willing to go dutch.

Instead of throwing money and making it transactional (big ick BTW) Have you tried being yourself? Maybe work on your personality? Focus on yourself, stop trying so hard and it will happen when you least expect it :)

LillthOfBabylon · 2026-06-23T11:56:49+00:00

I've had several arguments with this person and on her posts basically claiming men have nothing to offer women that they couldn't get from other women including sexual satisfaction

I have never said this. They claim having a victim complex is a female trait. I said “why would women want a little bitch when they can get all those annoying female traits from their friends without having to go through subpar sex”?

AlarmingToe8503 · 2026-06-23T17:22:32+00:00

This is just not reality in my experience. Most women are happy to split the bill or alternate who pays every other date. It's only trad-rightwingers (cringe) who still have this expectation, and ironically, I would say that THESE are the most masculine women, and not in a fun or appealing way.

InitialNo3061 · 2026-06-23T14:21:12+00:00

This more or less just paints women in a bad light and not men like you were trying to

Reasonable_Mouse789 · 2026-06-23T10:44:18+00:00

I’m like 99% sure an expensive date is a distinct sign of a lack of interest. Socially, women would possibly never need any dates other than “hanging out” before sex, and in online dating, she’s either interested or she isn’t. The exact date the guy goes on probably won’t matter or be relevant.

Podlubnyi · 2026-06-23T13:35:56+00:00

Why are you assuming that only ugly/undateable/feminist women are happy to split the bill while desirable women want the man to pay? Because I've personally encountered the opposite.

If a grown woman in the 21st century still expects a man to pay for her dinner (because he's the man) then she's not an adult, she's a child. Or just a mooch.

society000 · 2026-06-23T16:39:39+00:00

I'm center left, so I'd prefer a woman who's more interested in a more equal relationship, actually. Being objectified as a provider doesn't appeal to me.

captaindestucto · 2026-06-23T10:57:27+00:00

The last sentence kinda makes sense, but I've always found it weird the idea that someone would choose to spend an hour + with someone they're lukewarm about (at best) just for a free meal, as if being payed for were some oh so important deciding factor. You basically don't like someone in that case.

ivegotcharisma · 2026-06-23T14:18:33+00:00

The reason I pay for myself on a first date is 1. if they don't offer (obvi) 2. I dont like them 3. I'm still figuring out if I like them. I don't want them having anything over me until I know them better.

If it's someone I've known for a while and we were friends first or something and they offer to pay I'll give a bit of pushback but will let them.

Ju-demigod-do · 2026-06-23T11:27:52+00:00

The problem with this post is that there are women like OP that don’t actually know women. All the girls I have dated were pretty and willing to pay for dates.

You also aren’t taking into account most women DONT WANT the guys willing to take the “ugly” girls, not even the ugly girls.

Most women these days believe they are a 10/10 regardless of their looks or baggage.

Many women are not honest or aware of what they actually do in relationships. Eventually, they tend to lean towards the “modern woman” mentality when things are going smooth. Eventually, they all tend to want this “spoiled” life and they aren’t taught how to properly cater and grow in relationships:

It’s usually a mindset that is like “I won’t listen to his needs, but he should listen to mine. He will likely have to keep begging for better but I want better for me now. I deserve better now and there will always be another guy. If he leaves it’s not because I didn’t try to meet his needs. It’s because he never liked me.” Even the women who don’t consciously think like this, still self-sabotage in ways that lead to similar outcomes of this mindset.

Mela_ninja · 2026-06-23T10:47:24+00:00

The misrepresentation goes crazy.

Most of the men who have these issues, isn’t necessarily due to what you’ve said. It’s more;

1) Lack of reciprocity: that’s where you get the men who get upset from not being intimate after the date. So the dudes who get intimacy don’t really complain.

2) Hypocrisy in gender roles: men are expected to follow their gender roles when seen fit. This is also quite common in progressive spaces too.

3) They don’t understand that they aren’t desired and subconsciously are negotiating for that desire. I’ve never spent more than $10-$20 dollars on a first date and I’m still almost always successful in those dates.

I agree with your last point, but if I was to say it from a man’s perspective I’d be called all sorts of names lol.

balhaegu · 2026-06-23T12:19:21+00:00

Easy. Take the money from the simps and pay for the date with a man she is actually attracted to

CarHungry · 2026-06-23T11:10:40+00:00

Pure projection. One of my ex's used to randomly bring me mcdonalds and bbq plates and I thought that was lit af (the sex wasn't bad either)

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RaidenTheBlue · 2026-06-23T16:22:57+00:00

I actually like the first one, and the decline of the first one in population made me sad

cromulent_weasel · 2026-06-23T20:19:46+00:00

I think there's a problem in this sub where 'dating' seems to be conflated with 'dating 24 year olds'.

Those two things are not the same.

Weekly_Magician_7476 · 2026-06-23T14:39:11+00:00

I will never pay for a date with a man that isn't a feminist. Which is 99% of men. Even bringing up women's issues gets men all pissy and wanting to change the subject. Unless he's read feminist theory, knows the state of women's rights in my country, doesn't use misogynistic slurs, and calls out other men I'm not paying for a date. Why would I give men the benefits of feminism when they actively hate every other part of it?

Acrobatic_Computer · 2026-06-23T19:05:50+00:00

IME

All of the worst women as partners need you to pay.

All of the best women as partners want 50/50.

If you just want to hook up with as many women as possible, pay.

If you want a LTR, never pay.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2026-06-23T16:35:50+00:00

You’ve created a set of cartoon characters and then treated them as the only alternatives. Most women who split costs aren’t trying to dominate men, adopt struggling younger guys, or compensate for being unattractive.

Plenty of attractive, successful, emotionally healthy women pay their own way sometimes and don’t fit any of the boxes you’ve listed. They’re just normal adults.

BrainMarshal · 2026-06-24T05:05:09+00:00

Lilith this claim has got to be the most unsubstantiated horseshit of all time. I'd love to see your stats on this.

LillthOfBabylon · 2026-06-23T12:16:05+00:00

Similar to what I have tried to imply in the post, they’re not desperate for any woman. Theyre desperate for female Chad, Stacy. And when it’s not them desperate for Stacy, they’re desperate for a woman to treat them like they’re Chad.

Basically, they’re desperate for their fantasy to be reality. And when reality can’t give them their fantasy, they act like it’s a societal problem.

szai · 2026-06-23T22:39:12+00:00

I see nothing wrong with this. You don't sound like their 'type' anyway. You're both better off.

Mindless_Interview44 · 2026-06-23T23:44:35+00:00

You see, the biggest flaw with your logic is, I wouldn't waste a single moment of my time with someone who doesn't think I'm special. Is that princess behavior?

You bet your ass it is.

Whiskeymyers75 · 2026-06-23T13:15:14+00:00

PPD is fascinating because people will build entire theories about dating based on Reddit posts, TikToks, and the most extreme examples imaginable. Meanwhile, millions of normal couples are out there dating without ever discussing 80% of the stuff that gets argued about here.

If your model of dating says every woman is either a sugar baby, a ball buster, or a single mom looking for a provider, it’s probably time to log off and go interact with actual people.

calmly86 · 2026-06-23T16:11:56+00:00

“The types of women willing to pay for themselves on dates.”

There’s far fewer of those than there are men taller than six feet and earning a minimum of six figures. If you go to any majority progressive city, San Francisco, Seattle, Portland, New York, Los Angeles, etc, the vast majority of women there who profess to align with liberal and “free from gender roles” mindsets STILL expect men to pay.

When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.

hexdeedeedee · 2026-06-23T21:39:30+00:00

No this is just more american bs. Where I live women past highschool take pride in paying for their own shit. I like the women where I live. Im a man on this sub. Your premise is wrong.

No clue why we base western trends on what americans do, y'all are so far behind socially when compared to other western countries that youre borderline a statistical anomaly

antariusz · 2026-06-23T15:32:39+00:00

You are so close, but you are confusing cause and effect.

Men have no problem paying for dates with the 4th type of woman.

The problem is that Women 1,2, and 3 actually want to be treated like 4.

The "problem" with paying is that men here don't like the types of women willing to pay for themselves on dates.

Comments

Then why dont men simply write on their dating profile they wont pay for dates? What’s the problem?

Then get them to explain why refuse to simply only date women who pay for themselves.

Then why do men in this sub have such an issue?

Vast majority of men arent Chad. So why does it matter?

Guys here refuse to explain why they wont simply only date women who pay for themselves, so I have to come up with theories.

Most men are not Chads. Give up that fantasy.

Then just go after them, what is the problem?

Then DONT.

Did he tell her that was the payment?

Why would she?

Then why can't men here seem to do find them? Why are they so reluctant to only date women who pay for themselves?

Then what are these men complaining about?

Why are you yelling?

Duh.

So the redpill doesnt care about personality either.

Title	The "problem" with paying is that men here don't like the types of women willing to pay for themselves on dates.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	35
Comments	339
Date	June 23, 2026 10:36 AM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1uddjdo/the_problem_with_paying_is_that_men_here_dont/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-problem-with-paying-is-that-men-here-dont-like.1583445 https://theredarchive.com/post/1583445