Women who will settle down in later years due to any circumstance: Will you be okay with knowing that your partner had sex with prostitutes?

lolomotif12 · 2020-05-05T08:50:34+00:00

Some men are perfectly capable of getting sex without having to pay for it but don't want the hassle that comes with it. I.e. dates, communication, pressure to perform, expectations, time... etc, So they opt for a hassle free no strings attached method to get the job done and its consensual so I don't see what the problem is.

This is no different to a woman having casual sex with strangers they meet at bars, clubs, online and to argue the assumption that "most probably the prostitute doesn't want the sex" I'm going to say I bet most guys having the casual sex with you aren't also 100% about it and just wanted an easy lay because if they did they would have committed to you.

There are plenty of women out there who are not prostitutes but rely on a man to take them out, wine and dine them, buy them gifts before they have sex with them for "free" after they have financially performed so I don't blame men for preferring a honest prostitute with less risks over one in denial with more to lose.

EDIT: Spelling.

NarniaFox · 2020-05-05T07:46:04+00:00

Okay, I'm not a woman who "will settle down", as I got married at my early 20s, but let's discuss "what if". And I wouldn't date a guy, who has ever used "services" of a prostitute. I'm against prostitution and I couldn't be with a person, who is okay with using other human being just for his sexual satisfaction.

Gerealtor · 2020-05-05T09:30:19+00:00

Yeah sure. Where I live it's legal. It'd only be a problem if he did it out of sex addiction, general disrespect for women or if he treated the prostitutes disgustingly and looked down on them for doing their job. If he was just horny and needed what he needed when he needed it, as long as he was respectful to the prostitute, I wouldn't mind. Might even find it a turn on to hear about, given the right circumstances.

Cobra_x30 · 2020-05-05T07:40:45+00:00

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psychedelictree_ · 2020-05-05T07:26:32+00:00

If a man has to resort to paying for sex, that's a big red flag. I want a man who can get sex without paying for it.

Also, what monetary value does he put on my sex? Am I expected to fuck on demand and for free when he paid some other chick $300 for the same?

Girlisnoone · 2020-05-05T16:46:01+00:00

I think the feeling is mutual between women who doesn't want to date men who pay for sex and men dont want to date women who use their bodies to get money.

2020-05-05T12:51:52+00:00

Depends on the male. If he's the type to get pissy over women with high N counts, but he himself has had plates or has engaged in hookups then no. As he would be a hypocrite. If he's against high n counts and has remained abstinent, it still depends on his views and what he has done to encourage men to have low n counts, not just bashed women. If he has a high n count and isn't a hypocrite then I wouldn't care.

However if he had used prostitutes I wouldn't be okay with that. Regular hookups aren't using cash to force a person to have sex with you, nor does it support an industry built on human trafficking, coercion, and exploiting those in the lower class.

The difference between women who have hookuos and males who use prostitutes is that the woman isn't exploiting people. The male is.

SlashCo80 · 2020-05-05T07:48:47+00:00

Nope. Paid to rent a hole = not worth anything from me.

Same with strip clubs. I’ll make an allowance for going one time with the boys so he can be sufficiently grossed out by it.

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Nodoxxintoxin · 2020-05-05T07:50:02+00:00

Once or twice out of curiosity? Nbd. If he relied on them in lieu of seeking a relationship? No moral judgement from me, but no thanks.

nemma88 · 2020-05-05T08:23:01+00:00

You know when we think of prostitutes it's all meth head Holly that comes to mind. Other than that the only sex worker I know irl is very overweight.

I don't really care about transnational sex, but there is some ick factor that a guy would dumpster dive in the first place.

Edit; I should point out I don't think a lot of guys visit prostitutes, the ones that do though based on stories read are usually regulars.

Pola_Lita · 2020-05-05T10:55:59+00:00

Unless this was at a time he couldn't be expected to have really though about what he was doing, it would bother me a lot. OTOH, maybe he would have a different but still sensible point of view. Mainly, I can't think that I would be close and intimate with a man who felt it was okay to buy someone's body in an intimate way without knowing it. I think an outlook like that would have to stick out in other ways.

crookedsummer2019 · 2020-05-05T11:10:07+00:00

The scenario you described would not be a deal breaker.

What would be a dealbreaker for me is if he regularly visited prostitutes, because I think he would be a different kind of man who perhaps would be used to that kind of interaction with females which isn’t how normal relationships work. Perhaps he would not be able to stop seeing them because it’s just so much easier and less hassle than being in a relationship, so the chances of him being unfaithful and compartmentalizing it would be higher. Old habits and all that.

Just my two cents. I don’t know, I would be wondering if he had been seeing them the whole time we were together.

A one off is not a big deal though.

azngirl7689 · 2020-05-05T12:23:24+00:00

As long as he didn’t step out on me with prossies, yes. Relationships are hard enough without bringing insecurity about the past into it.

tritoneharmonies · 2020-05-05T12:28:20+00:00

I'm married but I'll answer anyway: If he's left it far in the past and won't do it again after choosing me and I'd appreciate the honesty. To my knowledge, my husband hasn't used any prostitute services before being with me, but if I suddenly found out he did, it's not like I'd be especially happy about it but I'd accept it as it is you know? I don't want to fault people for their past mistakes. Things like these can be a bit touchy (hard to admit, hard to bring up, embarrassing etc. which is why we need to handle it with empathy) and why wreck the love now, if the bad stuff is in the past?

However, if he sees no wrong in having been with a prostitute, as an anti-porn and anti-prostitution leaning person, I would feel a bit insecure about how he's going to be in the future and possibly misunderstood/underestimated by the guy should he disregard my concern.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2020-05-05T12:33:00+00:00

he just admits he paid to fuck a woman before your relationship, with open honesty

Why would anyone do this

Real-Area · 2020-05-05T13:15:27+00:00

Am I okay with my partner having a sex-life before me? Yes, we're both adults, and its honestly not my business with who and how many, so long as it was consensual. Everyone has a right to have a history before meeting their current partner. When we as a partner want to be inquisitive we have to understand our intentions. Are we curious about our partner's past because we have insecure-attachments in this relationship? Are we letting jealousy navigate our thoughts and actions?

twister726 · 2020-05-05T14:28:36+00:00

I can't believe how many answers here immediately disqualify such men. How is it different from casual sex where often the man has to pay indirectly? Many men also have a greater physical urge for sex.

To me it reeks of hypocrisy and groupthink.

meditr · 2020-05-05T14:29:12+00:00

I disagree with men trying to equate paying a prostitute for sex with women having casual sex. First off, paying a prostitute for sex sounds like a subset of having casual sex. If you are doing this in the first place, you are in no place to judge women who have had casual sex prior. If you had casual sex prior, you can definitely judge someone who payed for sex though.

The reason is that sex work is highly stigmatized, it's an industry that runs on exploitation, drug addiction, trafficking, childhood trauma, and desperation. Women rarely go into this unless they have no other choice to sustain themselves. Even Belle Delphine, she dropped out of high school at 15 I think, which implies having had a bad childhood, and without a high school diploma even finding work as a grocery store cashier is challenging. So to pay for sex, you essentially have to turn a blind eye to all of this in exchange to fulfill a non-vital need. It's not like food or water that you die without. These women do have a gun in the form of homelessness and economic ruin pointed at them.

Contrast this to having casual sex where two people agree out of their own free will to partake in it, not as a means for one party to SURVIVE. There is this channel on youtube called 'the soft white underbelly' where escorts, drug addicts, homeless people, etc are interviewed and they all have heartbreaking stories, you need to see people as full and complete human beings, not just a means to an end.

.

mangolover97 · 2020-05-05T14:30:31+00:00

I’m not against prostitution and I wouldn’t immediately judge a guy who used prostitutes because I don’t know the details and I’m not going assume the worst just because. I wouldn’t date or marry a man that used prostitutes though.

Asbelowsoaboveme · 2020-05-05T14:45:34+00:00

I’d be ok with settling down with a man who has had normal casual sex with mutual consent and desire, I would not be ok with knowingly settling down with a former John.

Someone like that views sex as a transaction and is low value. I’d rather settle down with a former sex worker than a former John, because a sex worker has so much value they can charge for sexual access. A John is too low value to get sexual access for free.

aspiringdruglord · 2020-05-05T17:06:28+00:00

I wouldn't be compatible with anyone who would do that. I also won't be with some guy who is into any other kind of casual sex with people he has no relationship with, paid for or not. I realize some guys also go for some kind of intimacy simulation rather than just wanting sex, but that's probably even more baffling to me that it could possibly be fulfilling when you know it's not genuine.

None of it has anything to do with moralizing about the industry in general, though. I believe it should be completely legal and have nothing against sex workers themselves.

Sophiatab · 2020-05-05T18:49:52+00:00

It would depend on the type of prostitute. The lower tier women are almost always horribly exploited. I wouldn't maintain respect for him (or even friendship with him) knowing he had exploited a woman trapped in those circumstances. On the other hand I've known escorts that were truly professionals at what they did and weren't exploited. If he had been customer of one like that, I might be able to accept it especially if he could give me her contact information. If I was able to contact her and, she didn't tell me anything negative about him, I would probably continue the relationship.

2020-05-05T19:03:38+00:00

Nope. Wouldn't date him.

Mulkvistee · 2020-05-05T07:58:51+00:00

In a situation where everything is great and he's normal + attractive then the weirdest thing about the scenario would be him telling me. Idk what my reaction would be exactly, but no small part of me would be wondering if he's testing for other sex worker related bombs to drop. What does he want from me? Approval? A shame kink satisfied by a stern talking to? It would be unsustainably awkward going forward I imagine.

slam9 · 2020-05-05T07:52:50+00:00

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GennyX · 2020-05-05T13:12:21+00:00

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onlyslightlyabusive · 2020-05-05T15:13:04+00:00

Logical fallacy of the false equivalence all around here and look how many poor people took the bait. This is only even a logically sound question if we assume that a woman getting free casual sex is the same - physically, emotionally, morally, etc., as the man buying casual sex. While you could argue they’re the same functionally, the premise that they’re the same morally and emotionally doesn’t hold so the argument is unsound.

Edited heavily to be less angry and more coherent. I’m feisty today whoops!

2020-05-05T11:11:06+00:00

No, that’s disgusting. I don’t want a man who had to pay to get laid.

2020-05-05T08:50:15+00:00

If he tried it out and then realised he didn’t like it (and I’m maxing this out to like TWO times visiting a prostitute) and now he sees how disgusting it is... I’d chalk it up on experimentation or youthful ignorance or curiosity. If he did it more than that OR even if he hadn’t done it but talks positively about that industry/doesn’t see any issues with it - that’s a no go from me because our values about life would be so outta sync there’d be no point in trying to salvage that relationship.

flamingoinghome · 2020-05-05T11:05:23+00:00

Honestly, it's pretty circumstance-dependant. Paid a sex worker acquaintance? Went to a legal brothel one time in Amsterdam or Nevada? I don't like it, but I could potentially move past it.

Made a habit of it? Nope. Didn't do due diligence regarding making sure the woman was there of her own free will? Big nope.

gaylord_fag · 2020-05-05T19:17:46+00:00

No because I don't want herpes.

bluehorserunning · 2020-05-05T22:10:45+00:00

Sure, if he’s been screened for STIs since then.

2020-05-05T23:52:40+00:00

80% of men don't fail to reproduce but can still victims of hypergamy? Consider a 6/10 man having to settle for a 3/10 woman, is he not a victim of hypergamy? Also that 6/10 man may have used escorts historically before he settled for the 3/10 so there is simply no correlation with what you are saying.

2020-05-12T07:41:25+00:00

Yeah I don't care if he's seen prostitutes. I'm not a huge fan of prostitution (how can you enjoy sex knowing that the other person may not be enjoying it at all?) but it isn't a deal breaker. I'm not entirely anti-prostitution and if everything else is good about him than I'm not gonna worry about it

Notanalt4859384 · 2020-05-05T07:43:48+00:00

No. Can and am doing better than that.

GennyX · 2020-05-05T10:00:42+00:00

No, because it means he’s defective.

Tomatoccino · 2020-05-05T07:39:42+00:00

I would assume that most men old enough to have gone on an end of season footy trip or a bucks party to have visited a brothel.

Mimoxs · 2020-05-05T12:59:41+00:00

"would you ever accept a person who has willingly contributed to the abuse of another human being and supports an industry largely based on human trafficking and taking advantage of extremely vulnerable people, and likely has views on your gender indicating a complete lack of worth?"

No. Men who use prostitutes are on the same moral level as pedophiles and animal abusers.

But also, it's like you think the vast majority of men have hired prostitutes before, this is very much untrue.

Cobra_x30 · 2020-05-05T07:24:45+00:00

A clarification is needed. I assume we are talking about paying for hookers, but the way it’s worded could also include shoring hookers.

A lot of red pill guys have a soft spot for the working ladies, but they aren’t paying customers.

GennyX · 2020-05-05T17:27:13+00:00

As expected, The pussy cartel are some what triggered by the Opening post calling men defective, exploitative or low quality for historic use of prostitutes. Why not be honest about what you are triggered about though, men who have used prostitutes have cheated the gynocentric system that is in place to keep men enslaved and minipulated by the pussy cartel. Vagina as a commodity cheapens your vagina because it gives men options and freedom beyond your doctrines and often unreasonable expectations . The shaming language reflects your own fears of losing control ie :

your exploitating women argument

1.well this could be flipped on to the escorts /prostitutes as she exploitating a man need for sex to extract money from him. In the same way a drug dealer does.

Most escorts are women that enjoy and take pride in their work and not all destitute drug users or trafficked from the third world.
Don't women exploit men all the time, by using him as a meal ticket, paternity fraud, divorce rape. Whereas men using escorts in fair exchange of money for a commodity for both sides parties.

Men who use prostitutes/are defective or low quality!

Blame your hypergamy for this then , average men even somewhat decent men struggle against your unrealistic expectations and standards in the modern era. What do you expect a man to do (who is 6.5/10 for example, who can't get a 3/10 because she believes she is entitled to 9/10 chad or Tyrone) during his prime years, a lack of sex for men is psychological damaging leading to depression, suicide and in extreme cases mass shooting, all of which could be mitigated by a visit to willing escorts

Tugallois · 2020-05-05T08:18:10+00:00

If it got to the point where "most" men had seen prostitutes and didn't hide it from women, I'd probably become a lesbian.

Mind you, it's legal where I live, and my boyfriend was smart enough to emphatically tell me he's "not into that."

goatismycopilot · 2020-05-05T09:50:48+00:00

I don't understand the purpose of disclosing this to a partner.

FinchRosemta · 2020-05-05T11:55:53+00:00

I don't care.

Source: Escort who knows not all clients live up to whatever stereotypes people on PPD have.

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