It seems well-known that women find "ambition" attractive, but what types of ambition, specifically?

spinsterchachkies · 2021-07-14T21:35:53+00:00

I consider myself normal but I’ve been called ambitious and a go-getter by others. I am always working on fitness goals I have because I enjoy being in great shape. I am improving my career and trying to overall make a better quality of life for myself. I do these things for me not others.

Ive noticed men that label themselves “ambitious” also consider themselves great catches and act really shitty towards women. Like they think ambition gives them opportunities to treat women like crap.

Real ambitious men that I know aren’t driven by that, nothing about women enters the conversation. They wanted that job, they wanted that body, they wanted that house. And they made a plan and put in work to get it. And they didn’t do it to get women, they did it because they wanted it, it was a dream of theirs. That makes you want to be apart of their life and help them accomplish the rest of their dreams. It’s inspiring.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-07-14T21:59:32+00:00

I'm pretty generous with the label, so basically as long as you're not a lump who hasn't grown as a person in over a decade, you're good.

wtknight · 2021-07-14T21:05:26+00:00

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Orange_Paisley · 2021-07-14T21:09:14+00:00

For me, it doesn’t matter if a man is the best at something (sports, lifting, playing an instrument, his job). It matters that he is passionate about it enough that he is constantly striving to be better. The talents of others should be inspiration more than competition. Example: My man golfs. He’ll never be Tiger Woods. But he practices, studies about it, and wants to improve his game. I can respect that and it increases my opinion of him a little, even if I personally hate golf.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-07-14T22:12:32+00:00

Has a passion or a goal that they strive to meet.

However I am going to go out on a limb and say that it probably would be a goal or a passion that is "beneficial" to the relationship or to the woman in question.

For example, if your goal is to be the best league of legends player and I am not into league at all your ambition does not make you attractive to me.

If your passion is volunteering or a particular type of socially beneficial work it will appeal to social conscious women.

If your goal is to go up the career ladder, this is generally seen as a good thing by nearly all women (though again there a limits. Eg, workaholics who are never home may have issues). Unless you're with a hippy or something.

Basically you need to have a drive to do something. But that something should be a thing I either care about or value.

EleanorAbernathyPhD · 2021-07-14T21:09:28+00:00

Ambition as in having goals and working to achieve them. Like, good for a guy who is happy with a routine and having a comfortable job but Im not attracted to that.

catchtowards12345 · 2021-07-14T21:45:07+00:00

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808randomaccount · 2021-07-14T21:26:57+00:00

Ambition means already successful guy who wants to be more successful

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-07-14T21:41:43+00:00

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LetsDelveIntoIt · 2021-07-14T21:07:31+00:00

I'm one of those women who finds ambition in men very attractive. The thing with ambition, as with most things in life, is that it correlates to other traits in the ambitious person. An ambitious person will also tend to be more driven, resilient, intelligent, with good interpersonal skills, healthy habits, etc etc in order to fully realize their ambition.

In your example of an ambitious man who wants to punch 100 random guys, this man will more than likely have a purpose that makes him excited to start his day, hit the gym so he can improve his punching ability, has passion and confidence, etc. So these other things will make him attractive to women drawn to ambition, regardless of what the ambition actually is.

That said, not all ambitions are equal (even though ambition is better than being a slacker). I will not date the 100 punch guy, but I am drawn to the guy whose ambition is to read all of Shakespeare's works or the guy whose ambition is to make $10M by 50-55 so that he can retire comfortably after that. I'd be drawn to the guy whose ambition is to feed and educate 10 children every year because aside from just his ambition, it demonstrates kindness, empathy, goal setting, and ability to make enough money to both lead a comfortable life while being able to afford this ambition.

trippingfingers · 2021-07-14T21:16:48+00:00

People seem to be generally attracted to people who have goals and meet them. The puncher will actually be more attractive because they're able to show initiative and are focused on their own desires, which shows that they are more likely to be effective at taking care of someone else's too.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2021-07-15T04:44:42+00:00

All I care about is SELF-STARTING self-optimizers not ambition.

'Ambition' is a side-effect or a symptom of being "self-starting" - not a trait I seek out specifically. Because if you strive for 'ambitious' men as a trait instead of symptom it is unreliable and unstable illusion; like fool's gold. This is precisely why some women get stuck moving from "ambitious man" to the next. A lot of these useless people will disguise themselves as essential workers just because they show up and labor. Self-starters produce similar results with less labor from both parties. I never have to worry about things I would be forced to worry about if he was not. Self-starters are prepared, more adaptive and more calculating because the self is involved and not being ignored for the sake of 'seeing red' and "top no matter what". I don't pick up SLACK, I instead fill in for his absences. I do very little "labor" at all because it's often never needed.

Extensive knowledge of self (motivation is intrinsic or at least habitual) not created or taught (enforced) by me or others. He is always striving to take care of his self - as a default this includes financial independence and stability meaning "ambition" is often irrelevant. Hates labor/slaving, but always values action. A side of effect of this is IME rarely feeling insecure or worrying about his periods of inactivity.
More mental stability and motivation to stay psychologically well. He is always a step ahead of me when it comes to his mental health and wellness, as I am with myself.
Communicate their needs from women effectively because they understand WHAT they need from/in a woman and recognizes what he psychological, physical and emotional needs and doesn't need in order to improve or help sustain (not fuel) his engine with a certain degree of foresight in mind. Keeps me informed on his states and prepared for him when he needs me. There aren't stagnant roles and obligations to be met but opportunistic gaps to fill when he or I fall short.
They start at base level self-starting to self-improve; meaning the woman always works as a COMPLIMENTARY support network, instead of above or below him.
Any injuries or obstacles he sustains he is almost always more RECEPTIVE to healing and treatment to get back where he needs to be - than a man that isn't self-starting. Meaning he bounces back much quicker, recovers faster and is more likely to self-correct when shit hits the fan. It is easier to uplift him and encourage him as a woman and holds more weight to get him back where he needs to be without needing to "take over" for him. If the woman's support holds no weight in the complimentary as his partner because he is not receptive to a healing, treatment, improvement or a woman, she will forever slaving for him and him stagnant.
Reduced conflicts, arguments and stress on my end.
Better problem-solvers - meaning more likely to RECALIBERATE and negotiate. They are researchers and usually always in this mode. Meaning receptivity to improvement and overcoming obstacles.
Work better in teams and partnerships, believe it or not. More "independent" people acknowledge that they NEED networks and others to survive and help propel forward to maintain their independence. Self-starters by default lack co-dependency but are always dependent on a network or web of others to keep their gears lubricated.
His failures do not take blows to his ego in the way it does non-self starters, less likely to feel inadequacies, see threats and perceive limitations as "issues". (Which is where recalibration comes around).
This man never "stops" just because he is not moving temporarily.
There is no fear of loss or OCD what-ifs. I know for fact he will be okay.
Ambition is usually a side-effect or symptom of "self-start" (habitualized motivation) to be well and not a crutch, goal, or "locked in" as a beast of burden.

The only cons I've found this type is they are generally weak in extensive feeling/emotional validation, which is a no brainer as they are always willing to incorporate these improvements and compromises for partners with these needs.

chingness · 2021-07-14T23:19:05+00:00

Love how the women on here answering honestly and giving detail and men are just saying “££££” 🤣 why they even on this sub if they don’t listen to anything that doesn’t fit with their world view.

Let me tell you there are a lot of ambitious men who are after money who it wouldn’t be any fun to date - like stockbrokers who have crazy hours!

Passion > ambition in my opinion personally

Soon-to-be-Catlady · 2021-07-14T21:12:13+00:00

Some things I classed as ambition in some partners:

My one ex was a biologist and wanted to study sharks in the future. One guy I dated was a project manager and was working so hard to improve the working environment for his team, I was really impressed by that. Any guy who's conscious about the environment and trying to reduce impact more and more turns me on. The guy I am dating now is very ambitious in living a healthier life (lost 15kg, eats healthier, moves more etc) and learning German.

Dagenius1 · 2021-07-14T22:08:58+00:00

It’s about really committing your time to getting better at something that hopefully “matters”. The guy you are when you are doing that is very attractive to ladies. It shows focus and dedication. Assuming you make progress, the woman can see that you (and her) will likely level up your life over time

Elevatedheart · 2021-07-14T23:46:53+00:00

A man that has goals is attractive. He doesn’t have to be wealthy, but he has to have some ambition towards something. He has to be doing more than coasting through life with no work ethic.

herinquisition · 2021-07-15T00:46:45+00:00

It depends on the woman. Some women really want men who want to become athletes or artists/creatives. Some women are used to super broke men and just wants someone who is financial stable and takes their career seriously.

Personally, I'm always drawn to men who are any of the following types: labeled as intellectuals/academics who have invested a significant amount of time into studying/earning advanced degrees and climbing up the academia ladder, have some prestigious job (lawyer, doctor, etc.), or are heavily invested in political awareness and action of some kind (lead activists/organizers, policy dudes, nonprofit directors, etc.). The last one is probably my favorite but these days money is a big thing for me, so if he's a broke organizer, it's probably not going to work.

But titles aside, ambition is about how invested he is in building his career, expanding his education and skill sets, and excited about potential for growth.

TheDevilPutD · 2021-07-15T04:54:58+00:00

Ambition is knowing what you want and going after it relentlessly. It can include women. I realized one of the reasons I wasn't getting the success I wanted with women was because I was giving myself way too much wiggle room. For example, if I wanted to go out and get laid and have a ONS or find fuck buddy, I would talk to random girls here and there. If I found one that was nice but probably more of a relationship type, I would try to convert her, etc.

Eventually I realized that when you decide what you want you naturally eliminate a lot of other options. So if I wanted a ONS I had to go look for bar sluts and not even pay attention to any nice relationship type girls. If I wanted a ONS I'd go to a bar late at night not to the local library.

So knowing what you want means eliminating all other options but the one you truly want. Most guys never eliminate all of their other options. They are not focused. When you don't focus you don't succeed. When I met my wife, I knew exactly what I wanted out of a woman and I grilled my dates mercilessly. Girls who didn't fit the criteria were filtered out. That's ambition!

ItWasBrokenAlready · 2021-07-15T05:07:59+00:00

I don't really fancy the career-ambition thing. I mean, maybe if you are a scientist or doing something actually admirable or following a plan of something you love, yeah, then it cool. But people who take their corpo job or business way to seriously and center their life and self worth around it... Meh, that's offputing. Don't want to have a brainwashed drone at home or someone with japanese work ethics.

What I find awesome and makes me respect a man is this drive to excell at stuff you do that you like (and not to be hypocryte: stuff I find cool too, ambitious competitive eater doesnt make me swoon). I love that in my man; he took some hobbies (mostly crafty, some sports) and with 0 experience at first he started to get amazingly good at those, with patience, dedication, stubborness not to give up at first failure... I absolutely adore his attitude of 'let's see how it is done, I'll try that myself' instead of 'that's too difficult, i'm bored with repetitivness, netflix time'. These are not things that result in a clear benefit for me, but just watching him learn and get better is so damn admirable and I feel so impressed and proud when after some time friends are like 'wtf, you did THAT yourself? I didn't know you do X at all'.

poppy_blu · 2021-07-14T22:50:00+00:00

For me it’s being driven for the sake of being driven, that you want the best for yourself and to be the best you that you can be.

You would strive for this goal even if you weren’t given a reward from somebody for it.

A man who has fitness goals for his own health and happiness? Yes.

A man who drags himself to the gym because he thinks he has to to get laid? No.

It’s not about money. I am glad I’m not married to a corporate climber. It’s soul sucking and turns people into sociopaths. He is ambitious in the sense that he works hard and wants the work he does to be meaningful and respected. He would rather be highly respected his field for his expertise and body of work without a title than have a fancy title and spend all day power grabbing and manipulating. I respect him for that.

If your goal is to be a CEO because that’s what you want because you love leading people? yes.

If your goal is to be a CEO because you want power and a hot mistress? no.

So I guess to answer your question it’s motivation to achieve for achievement’s sake.

philomexa · 2021-07-14T21:18:45+00:00

Artistic ambition the only type of ambition I care about.

I've always admired/been attracted to men that had an intense focus on mastering their craft, producing their masterpiece, or staying true to their vision even if the world tries to derail them.

gimpgirl555 · 2021-07-14T21:03:44+00:00

Ambition is just another code word for $$$. So is intelligence, drive, education. It all comes down to betabuxx.

Nyanu · 2021-07-14T22:13:36+00:00

Anyone who isn’t just punching the time clock at crappy job they just fell into that they hate. It doesn’t have to be money because there are a lot of cool jobs that pay less than mine does. But, from experience, I’m not a match with guys who aren’t excited about their jobs and their lives. Or who don’t have creative hobbies or aren’t constantly learning. Doesn’t have to be all those things but it can’t be none.

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4D-Alien · 2021-07-14T21:18:43+00:00

it can be anything. it can even be his ambition to go to the 24/7 store late at night to buy alcohol while nobody else at the house has the ambition to go and get it.

thats ambition/drive. lol

vienna_91 · 2021-07-14T22:39:29+00:00

It’s too do with the qualities ambitious people possess. Drive, resilience, passion, motivation and the get up and go attitude. People in life who are “do-ers” are much more fun to be around (generally speaking).

Sultmaker_9000 · 2021-07-14T22:40:47+00:00

Men with perceived 'hidden potential' that they judge from body language, voice tonality.

Snacksbreak · 2021-07-14T22:42:45+00:00

When I hear "ambition" I automatically think about education/career goals. Not sure what exactly other people mean when they use it

But I haven't really heard anyone list it as a must have quality in a man. Though sure it's a good thing, not even gender specific

Snacksbreak · 2021-07-14T23:46:03+00:00

For me it's related to discipline. Going to the gym 5-7 days a week or getting really into woodworking or cooking. It's the relentless grind at something because you know practice means improvement.

Obviously yes, it should be practice/improvement/passion in something positive. So if you're into punching people, like... maybe learning and/or teaching boxing or jujitsu or self defense?

I personally do not find cruelty attractive, so any cruel ambition is out. But hey, you could date a sadist or a sociopath if you want to be cruel. 🤷🏼‍♀️

layne89 · 2021-07-14T23:53:06+00:00

Ambition correlates with money, in my eyes. I am not sure I’d like the forms of ambition that don’t have tangible results in the end that I find valuable.

So if my boyfriend had artistic ambition, I wouldn’t really care. But if he had an ambition to expand something in his company, build a house, or significantly increase his investment portfolio, I’d find all of those forms of ambition attractive.

I feel like it’s the same thing with intelligence. I was an engineering major and met guys that were obviously going to be insanely successful in their fields but their ambitions didn’t translate to what I valued.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-07-15T01:44:15+00:00

Basically anything that isn’t harmful and is preferably constructive in some way. It doesn’t always have to bring in money. It still signals that the man would be a good provider, which is sexy even if you don’t actually need him to provide. Same as how men look for caring, motherly traits even when they don’t want kids. I personally am not super ambitious and don’t need a man who’s super ambitious either, but I do appreciate a man who is passionate and not stagnant.

nemporisso · 2021-07-15T01:52:17+00:00

Any active role you play in your life to better yourself and those around you, really. Though it's usually ancillary to the guy - eg I don't give a shit about an ultramarathon, but if a guy I'm crushing on is training to run one, then that's super cool all of a sudden.

MadsMkay · 2021-07-15T01:58:17+00:00

I literally only care about ambition if that’ll lead him to making money

hugshugs23 · 2021-07-15T02:22:59+00:00

I used to find ambition attractive, but I’ve seen people have ambition for months and years without producing any results. I’m no longer attracted to just ambition. I’m attracted to tangible results or proof.

Someone who knows how to play an instrument, has acquired knowledge in their field or area that benefited them, doesn’t just want to open a business but is on the tail end or actively researching and putting time into doing it, doesn’t talk about helping others but actually volunteers & so on. Ambition is useless without proof or results to me.

RRBeachFG2 · 2021-07-15T02:39:39+00:00

The kind they can benefit from

IcarusKiki · 2021-07-15T03:37:22+00:00

Something other than video games

AttackOnTightPanties · 2021-07-15T06:18:22+00:00

I’ve been labeled as ambitious before, so I guess I’m looking for a similar style of ambition. I want a guy whose ambition goes beyond money and financial goals and tangible materials things. I want someone who is like me and gets straight obsessed with solving a problem or puzzle. I want someone who is intellectually ambitious and desires to contribute to mankind. He doesn’t have to be a Nobel prize winner or a dazzling genius, but he has to have a drive that is independent of accolades and admiration. He has to have a motivation that is about him and what he’s trying to accomplish. I want someone who gets bored with stagnancy and is always working on something. Ideally, if I had to have a conventional situation where we live together, I’d want every evening to be us discussing where we got with our aims/ goals/ research that day over dinner. If he gets really into what he’s talking about, there’s a good chance I’ll end up fucking on the table with him. I just really want a partner with a lot of ambition in that his mind is always charging ahead to figure something out or is tinkering with some project or that he’s always brainstorming ideas.

Playful_Art_5364 · 2021-07-15T06:36:36+00:00

Money and good fame ambitions

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2021-07-15T07:48:36+00:00

Rep Pill Kevin Samuels says women shouldn't waste time on potential ambition. Only go after men that have reached their goals . To many women wasting time on potentials , not a actual good candidate.

aquamanouttawater · 2021-07-15T11:42:21+00:00

The type that makes money for them to take advantage of.

GrandRub · 2021-07-15T16:37:26+00:00

"ambition" is woman-speak for "makes money and wants to make more money"... at least in most cases.

SaBahRub · 2021-07-15T16:48:33+00:00

Unselfish

AggroWeasel · 2021-07-14T22:09:52+00:00

I don’t think it’s well-known that women find ambition attractive.

Women find the end result of ambition attractive: money.

An ambitious, broke guy who isn’t great looking isn’t going to get laid.

IOportA · 2021-07-14T21:25:43+00:00

The kind of ambition that would make a man famous, and thus make her famous.

Cimorene86 · 2021-07-14T22:16:06+00:00

I have honestly never heard of "ambition" as something women are supposed to find attractive.

I'm guessing they mean like...motivated to complete a personal goal? Or maybe a work goal? Not sure.

houstongradengineer · 2021-07-14T22:57:30+00:00

Ambition for the same goals I have. I like nice things, so a guy who works hard and saves and surprises me with nice things we can share is attractive. The kind of ambition that brings genuine joy which he takes pleasure in celebrating with me. The kind of guy who actually values and desires marriage so I don't have to drag him down the aisle. Ambition to please me in the bedroom, and ambition to effectively communicate his own bedroom needs. If it's something a couple can find common ground on, it's more likely to be helpful than unhelpful.

midwestufohunter · 2021-07-14T23:47:00+00:00

"If a guy's goal is to punch 100 random strangers in the next year, that's technically an "ambition", but I'd wager women wouldn't find that attractive."

I wouldn't even say that's ambition. Like, you thought of the dumbest fucking thing you could possibly connect with ambition. No, obviously that is not attractive.

Men being good at basically anything that isn't helpful to society is attractive.

Men being good at tying knots and doing manual labor on boats being attractive is consistently a sub plot of Below Deck (a yachting reality show). Men being smart is always talked about as attractive. Men being great fathers is talked about as attractive.

Basically it's men who work on self-mastery with whatever is important to them.

peachycreaam · 2021-07-15T19:44:13+00:00

I think it means financially and in terms of acts of love like wanting to do things to make their family better off .

Kizka · 2021-07-15T20:05:06+00:00

The only ambition I care about is for him to be able to provide for himself and if necessary for both of us for while if I were to fall on hard times. And be happy while doing that (meaning, be overall happy with his choice of work as we spend a lot of time in our life working). That's the same base ambition I have for myself. Everything else is extra and up to the person. I'm career minded and have ambitions there, currently we both have weight loss ambitions. Those things change over time. But yeah, the base is: being able to sustain ourselves and being happy.

grand_tiremaster · 2021-07-20T04:35:35+00:00

Someone who is really trying in life to get by and achieve what he wants. No excuses. No vices getting in his way (alcoholism for example). If he says he can't go to work because he threw up 1 time, or his foot hurts, then I don't want him.

AngryNurse2019 · 2021-07-20T05:45:58+00:00

Wanting to improve yourself and your circumstance to the degree that you are able.

Title	It seems well-known that women find "ambition" attractive, but what types of ambition, specifically?
Author	M3taBuster
Upvotes	27
Comments	192
Date	July 14, 2021 8:55 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/okdh1h/it_seems_wellknown_that_women_find_ambition/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/it-seems-well-known-that-women-find-ambition.791629 https://theredarchive.com/post/791629

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