How much did you spend?

SeeShells111 · 2024-06-15T11:47:49+00:00

Probably around $400 in online filing fees, we did not use a lawyer which probably cost me some of what I was due, but it was so nice with no lawyers.

ScratchOk5975 · 2024-06-15T01:55:23+00:00

$3,200 total attorney fees for the two of us.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-06-14T23:42:11+00:00

Zero. We filed ourselves. Ex wife paid the $600 fee. She must have been feeling guilty AF.

IAIM2023 · 2024-06-14T14:28:41+00:00

About $8k in lawyer related fees, half of our joint savings ($140k/2=$70k), which she contributed to, and $62k to buy out her half of the home equity while accounting for her half of realtor fees and repair costs on an estimated sale price. I did get to keep the house though.

I don’t feel bad about the large sums since she was a contributor, though I doubt she would’ve been able to own a home and save that much had she not married me. I kinda managed our financial strategies and she knew squat about investing and managing wealth.

We would’ve probably doubled our savings and bought more property by now too but at-least now she is an “independent” woman, free to live her Sex in The City Lifestyle one guy at a time. A true feminist! And of course her friends, whom are all phd experts in relationships, family law and finances will always have her back in case her shit goes sideways. It only makes sense since their advice helped dissolve the marriage and make the divorced contentious.

Hog-Switchkey · 2024-06-14T01:49:00+00:00

I spent $1,800.00!

i80west · 2024-06-13T23:55:54+00:00

12k for my lawyer. I assume she paid at least that much for hers. No kids involved.

Gattsama · 2024-06-13T23:49:52+00:00

This is a multivariate question for me.

I only spent about $18-20k on attorney fees, mediation, filings, etc.

However, I also spent about $115k on court ordered temporary support during the separation. For which I received zero credit towards final spousal support. But a large portion of that was for mortgage payments and utilities, which I had to pay anyway. So, extra free money to the eX was closer to about $50-60k (approximately half).

Also, do we include losses over the baseline 50/50 divison? Due to a lot of BS, when we sold the house, she got a 55/45 split, which 'cost' me $30k. In total, her actions 'cost' us about $400k of potential wealth. She lost about $250k, and I lost about $125k.

I am ordered to pay $7 5k/mo for 3.5 years = $315k in spousal support as well. So when people ask me how much the divorce costs, I give the total answer above.

And it was worth it 👍 I accept the system for what it is. Her actions ultimately help kill any guilt, remorse, or worry I had about the divorce. It cost me a ton of wealth and money, but I can always make more money. I can't create more time or peace. I actually have more discretionary income now than when married because i am no longer supporting another human (she didn't work), have down graded my life, and can save more.

Once the spousal support stops, I can work on recreating wealth.

adamubias85 · 2024-06-13T22:40:42+00:00

Around 12-15k since I switched lawyers after my first swindling me out of 5k. I have full custody of my 2 daughters she only sees them the first weekend of every month 9-4 sat/sun. Supposed to pay me child support but hasn’t in 2 years still waiting on the AG to do an enforcement….

CRobinsFly · 2024-06-13T21:55:39+00:00

Not divorce but custody and child support of 1yo.

Originally began in Nov '22. She dropped 5k on an attorney who scammed her good, by the time she got to serve me via publication and receive my response, the 4.5k$ was consumed.

I spent 2k on an attorney to do my response. Thought she sucked, so I fired her.

Convinced the ex to go pro se with me and we'd settle on a parenting plan in July '23. Obtained a notarized parenting plan (63/35 with agreed arrears of 6k, 1.2k/mo going forward, 1.5k of her attorney's fees) without orders in Dec '23.

May '24 I had to reopen the case since ex felt I deserve no custody and "I am suspending the parenting plan, leave and never come back" even though I moved 1500mi and bought a house 1mi from her to get my 35% custody. I am 1k$ deep on attorney consultation fees and process servers. Still pro se. Will motion to enforce PP and have her pay my costs - if she fights I am going for 5050 custody and already told her "I am willing to go broke to obtain it... so we'll see who has more money" (I do).

So at this point. Still just 3k for me but 15years to go....

Edit: Men, do not stop fighting for your kids. I won't say it's easy, but the resources are there - use other people's cases that are public record. Fortunately my ex's boyfriend has a loooong drawn out custody battle with his ex wife. 75$ in printing fees and I have every single motion those two ever filed against one another. While the guy is nice to me, I think he is a fucking moron looking at his case docs - he could easily move 3hr away to where his ex wife and kids live and he'd owe zero child support - instead he's paying 1.5k/mo while only making 60k. He choses to live with my ex and have only a weekend or two a month in visitation - it's sad actually. Anyway, just type up their motions and tailor to my needs and suddenly I don't need an attorney. It's also been helpful for me to continually cite the laws and reference other cases to my ex to basically convince her she's going to lose and we're just wasting our child's money fighting about it.

albertabest1 · 2024-06-13T21:55:20+00:00

10k for a lawyer who hasn't done anything yet and I'm almost 2 years into the really slow process. I have to buy her out for 30k. The lawyer will probably take a couple more grand to finalize the process if there's no more stalling. I get to keep the house (i bought it before our relationship started and it's only me on the title, valued at 300k with 230k left on the mortage), I will also keep all of the debt (50k), but I just want the process to be done already so I can go on with my life. Btw, 2 kids, shared custody 50/50, and we coparent okay for the most part.

JonathanApple · 2024-06-13T21:00:06+00:00

I didn't keep exact figures because I did not want to know. We both spent about $200k, so far, maybe more, unfucking believable. What a crock family law is.

My bills are paid, she will probably have to work forever since she got stiffed trying to send me the bill.

F U family law

Newdustinyork · 2024-06-13T19:46:35+00:00

I hate it. I'm at $8k and have gotten nowhere and my lawyer is now talking phase 2 charges starting if we don't have a signed agreement in a month. This is awful.

Metallicatica · 2024-06-13T18:45:40+00:00

I spent $5.5k from start to finish and she had to buy me out of the house for $75k. An absolute win for me (minus the whole broken heart thing).

Emotional_Lettuce251 · 2024-06-13T17:39:24+00:00

I'm only 7 months into the process, barely anything has happened other than getting temporary orders, and I'm already around 10k ... and that's before I get my next bill which will include all the fees for going through my stbxw's Discovery (which never should have been filed in the first place because we both know exactly what our finances look like).

I want to give up because it just seems like a fool's errand. My stbxw is getting all her legal fees paid for by a very wealthy family member. She can just bleed me dry if I try to fight anything.

neon_trostky999 · 2024-06-13T16:39:23+00:00

30k High conflict divorce 2 years so far trial in Sep…

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2024-06-13T16:30:20+00:00

15k for my lawyer. And I got to pay $15k for my ex's lawyer. PLUS during the divorce "process" I had to pay temporary CS and temporary spousal support, which was $2,800 a month for about 12 months. We only have one child.

But I survived, and money can always be made. Honestly wish we had a trial (probably another $10k) to get more custody, etc and less ambiguity in our Divorce settlement

Competitive-Donut790 · 2024-06-13T16:17:26+00:00

Yikes....

Deezcleannutz · 2024-06-13T15:18:23+00:00

Around 20k for the lawyer on my side.

New-Audience2803 · 2024-06-13T15:06:56+00:00

$2500 used a mediator and it ended up amicably

Melodic-Grapefruit-4 · 2024-06-13T14:33:06+00:00

Im pushing 9k currently and it’s not even finalized. Lawyers are the worst.

Khancap123 · 2024-06-13T12:56:57+00:00

170k cdn all in. Bout 125k American I think

RalphWastoid319 · 2024-06-13T10:51:12+00:00

$165 for court filing fees, 50/50, with an amicable split. Then $30k to buy out her equity in the house and half of our investments. All in all, it went as good as I could have hoped for.

Super_Significance82 · 2024-06-13T07:17:11+00:00

130k for the divorce only 7K to my ex wife and we didn’t go to trial courts lasted 1 year and a half

And I am a man I have majority custody

WeekThink · 2024-06-13T07:08:08+00:00

33k for the divorce, including the hiring of a GAL. 50/50 split for everything. 80:20 custody in my favor.

Never had to go to court; just had to keep scheduling court dates to keep things moving forward and get the ex to agree to terms.

Eyenspace · 2024-06-13T05:41:58+00:00

Reading all this… I swear if I ever win the Powerball kind of lottery – hopefully after divorce – – I am going to set up a fund/insurance to pay for all the struggling dad in the process of divorce

TechnicalAd5152 · 2024-07-16T00:05:44+00:00

Combined $45k for both of us so far trial date set for October

ABBucsfan · 2024-06-13T05:33:08+00:00

I think around 80k might be a bit more with that last bill. Have to double check. Sucked. Took 3 years. Hers was over 100 cause she changed lawyers twice (technically three times.. never met the first one. Think he sent us one piece or paper and then gone. Also forced out hand in switching arbitrators. First one basically said she was a crybaby so maybe had a case. Could have gone ahead cause it was binding but would have had an expensive court day for both parties to see if arbitrator was thrown off and everything would have had to be done again...

Intelligent-Bed-4149 · 2024-06-13T04:39:10+00:00

$23k, no trial. Split most things down the middle. 50/50 parenting time. Spousal support of $2k for 1 year and $1.5 for 3. $1054/mo child support. Ex doesn’t work yet but was imputed at $30k.

AffectionateFactor84 · 2024-06-13T03:47:59+00:00

15k. 2 trials

junkmailbox121 · 2024-06-13T03:41:46+00:00

Spent about 8k on legal fees. Kept all my debt in order to keep the house. I got custody of the kids. She got 30k from my retirement which was well worth it to have her just walk away. That money was gone in less than 6 months. So for 38k I got everything I wanted.

Slow_Bison_2101 · 2024-06-13T03:26:28+00:00

No kids, both worked. Non-contested. I lost a couple grand but didn’t pay for a lawyer so I feel it is worth it. She hired a lawyer. If I hired one they would’ve fought and increased their costs and neither of us would come out ahead. Spent a lot of time reviewing paperwork, getting wrong information from her, her lawyer, my friends & family. Court clerk set me straight and turns out I had a lot more leverage than I knew. Finalized it a year after the separation and her serving me.

My life is 100% better. It gets better! I wasn’t in this good of a mental or financial spot before the divorce. I’m thriving and life is good.

Psychological_Art823 · 2024-06-13T03:23:12+00:00

About 20k in legal fees so far.

Probably another 20k to go.

Fowleyeman · 2024-06-13T03:17:26+00:00

Under $400, and look to be done next week.

GrayCalf · 2024-06-13T02:59:00+00:00

$3k for the divorce, $10k for her vehicle after. Quite a steal eh?

karavan7 · 2024-06-13T02:35:22+00:00

$1.5m. Just add up the retirements accounts at full value and the real estate when paid off.

Peoniesandpopsicles · 2024-06-13T02:25:56+00:00

$150K and the lawyer fucked up the paperwork at what was supposed to be to be the final court appearance. It’s now delayed a year, no money left, fired the lawyer. Trying to do it myself now. The child support office and ex’s lawyer want blood and the system doesn’t care. No one cares about the children, it’s been all about the money. I am nearly broken, how is that “the best interests of the children”. Health in major decline due to stress. The system is rigged to make the lawyers rich and does not care about the children or dads. Happy Father’s Day

realvvk · 2024-06-13T02:05:14+00:00

$175k so far. Not a single hearing. Have not seen the kids in three years.

pk2at · 2024-06-13T01:56:45+00:00

$300 on the filing, 98-2 asset split, $0 alimony

Strict-Front-2375 · 2024-06-13T01:42:27+00:00

No attorney for me, but I took a lopsided deal to keep the house. A 'fair' judgement at court would have had me walk away with 28k, and her with -4k. However, due to likely not getting that without attorney's, I ended up to keeping a house with 35k in equity and 35k in debt,, and her walking away with 40k.

Brightside, house in the two years since has gone up 55k, and I was able to take 35k of that out to pay off the debt, so while I'm still behind, it gets more in my favor every day.

DWagon77 · 2024-06-13T01:32:21+00:00

$2,500. Got full custody and child support.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-06-13T01:22:48+00:00

$17k.

aquatone61 · 2024-06-13T01:09:17+00:00

Oof. On lawyer I spent 2500, found a guy out of south Florida that didn’t take me over the coals but was knowledgeable and responsive. Disclaimer - I did not have a high conflict divorce.

muttonchap · 2024-06-13T00:59:01+00:00

I have a $300k mortgage on a house I already paid off several years earlier, so there’s that. But otherwise I’m lucky, that’s all it cost me.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2024-06-13T00:53:28+00:00

$4800 Non contested and did most of the negotiating ourselves. Everything moved fast, completely divorced in 4 months

Responsible_Echo_887 · 2024-06-13T00:49:17+00:00

45k on a restraining order.. haven't touched the divorce yet.

andyc20041 · 2024-06-13T00:31:15+00:00

This is scaring me!! I don’t have $20k to put up for an attorney let alone everything else and I make 6 figures. My stbx (probably longer than I want) is draining me dry I can’t even get lunch at a fast food joint once a week. 🤯

jimsmythee · 2024-06-13T00:30:13+00:00

AZ divorces go fast and cheap. Mediation went nowhere. We went to trial. And AZ courts don’t allow the shenanigans that other states do to drag out divorces and family court.

From start to finish was 9 months. $5000 in lawyers fees for me, $5000 for her.

life-is-short- · 2024-06-13T00:19:54+00:00

$40k for process. Lost way more ((

konsada24 · 2024-06-13T00:18:37+00:00

About to reach $40k

Title	How much did you spend?
Author	Independent_Owlz
Upvotes	23
Comments	86
Date	June 13, 2024 12:03 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1delj9x/how_much_did_you_spend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-much-did-you-spend.1521382 https://theredarchive.com/post/1521382

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