How long to wait for men to reply? (Busy career-oriented men)

vaguelinen · 2021-11-16T06:50:59+00:00

Let’s say things work out with a busy career-oriented man, what kind of relationship do you want?

I was only interested in being a priority regardless of his work so gave it 24 hours when I was on OLD. If he wanted to he would.

Presumably you’re a busy career-oriented woman but you have time to be polite right?

ifhewantedtohewould · 2021-11-16T07:16:47+00:00

If he’s actually interested, he will take the two minutes it takes to respond to you. If he’s too busy to respond then he shouldn’t be dating. A whole 24 hours of no contact is a no from me. I would have unmatched at that.

pozzalovah · 2021-11-16T11:27:11+00:00

Honestly ,If the guy is that busy ,he shouldn't be dating .

ButterfliesHurricane · 2021-11-16T07:50:51+00:00

You don’t know him, he hasn’t earned the benefit of your doubt. He is probably entertaining several other people, OLD is the candy shop. I would personally block a guy who expresses interest and then doesn’t message for 48hrs but I’m not on OLD. In your shoes, I would have allowed him 24hrs then block. You took the time to think about it for 3 days and then post on here, he has stolen way too much of your head space already. If he doesn’t care, why should you?

sleeplessbeauty101 · 2021-11-16T08:16:52+00:00

I always think back to guys who I knew were interested in me without a doubt. They pretty much daily text even if it's an emoji. Or if they miss that day I'll get an early morning one. Every time things have dropped off it will eventually end in the demise of the relationship. Not always straight away but soon after. Benefit of the doubt has never served me in any relationship. If I have to question it then usually my fear is right.

crapcakes0987 · 2021-11-16T07:11:14+00:00

A guy I was dating who had a part-time research job plus studying for a doctorate would take around 2-5 days to reply back to me sometimes. I assumed it was because he was busy but then I found out that he was constantly on Whatsapp, Facebook, etc. He ALWAYS checked his phone, that means. We always have a smartphone near us. He was just choosing to ignore me. It made me manic and crazy. Not good. He was a major F***boi. Then he would come back and say he was “busy traveling,” or “with the boys” when in actuality he was seeing other women or partying.

Nobody is ever that busy they can’t shoot you a message or call to explain they can’t talk to you. I have a neighbor who got married during medical RESIDENCY and her husband was also doing residency but they made time for each other to date and got married super fast. Unless he is traveling to some remote jungle in Timbuktu and can’t use his phone - just move on. I notice that I ignore someones text for a day or more if I am simply not interested in talking to them.

sleutherino · 2021-11-16T06:47:13+00:00

Messaging somebody back that genuinely interests you is easy and takes all of about 2 minutes of your time.

A guy that just drops off for a whole 24 hours with no indication as to why is when I'm done with it. If it happens a lot, I drop as well.

No matter how busy somebody is, if they can't find 2 minutes during the day to say something they get dropped. I'm not going to be treated like an option, or a pastime.

Aocwannabe · 2021-11-16T06:59:23+00:00

Opinion 🚨 (weight this against other perspectives)

The only acceptable circle back when a man disappears for more than 2 days is if he sends you a message explaining his absence. Otherwise he is just priming you to come and go as he pleases. This is called intermittent reinforcement and it drives anxiety and insecurity.
I have never been in a relationship with an inconsistent man. My best relationships were with men who I met and were consistent from Day 1 and never wavered. This is NOT the same as love bombing. Sending a daily text and or calling is basic bonding 101. If men like you and aren’t looking to use/ manipulate you, they ENJOY being in touch.

💡How many happy, stable, loving relationships do you know of that begin with an inconsistent, “come and go” (also called the “come and ho”) man?💡

I don’t online date but I recommend using it to become efficient at vetting and blocking. Make rules for yourself- eg, only 10 minutes a day, block if he does sexual innuendo or negs or is boring, etc…It will help you to see that your gut is correct and to “trust the universe”.
“Too busy” is a myth. Everyone makes time for what is important. Pickmes use this excuse to not be a good friend and so do men who want to string a woman along. I’ve yet to meet a man who was “too busy” for NSA sex or the mythical FWB.
STOP giving the benefit of the doubt. Instead be skeptical and see who respects that you expect people to earn space in the precious real estate that is your ❤️. There are not going to be more than 5. If you want the experience of “true love” understand that it is rare so do NOT feel bad when you encounter a superabundance of 🤡🤡 that will try to lower your standards or convince you to settle.

RaccoonSweaty3741 · 2021-11-16T10:54:44+00:00

I wait 24-26 hours and then block. I blocked musicians, celebrities and a guy who looks like Benedict Cumberbatch. I also block when they give an attitude. It has saved my mental health and allowed me to focus on work.

LouMaez · 2021-11-16T07:53:27+00:00

General rule for me:

Before meeting: 2 days After meeting: 24h

Buttercup5555 · 2021-11-16T10:13:23+00:00

As someone who has been in med school- yes it gets busy but again- if he wanted to he would manage to send you a message in the 24 hour period. And certainly explain himself/apologize.If he doesn't have capacity to do so what is he doing then on OLD. He is wasting everyone's time, with that watered down pace you would be going on a first date in a couple of years. Ain't nobody got time for that

Inspection-Critical · 2021-11-16T16:04:46+00:00

Men make time for what's important for them. Period.

"But but but!" No, there is no exception to this.

It takes 2 seconds to send a text. It takes 5 minutes to ask you out and make a dinner reservation. If you have to overthink this, unmatch in confidence knowing he's not it.

"What if he's in the hospital? What if he's unconscious on the side of the road somewhere??" You and I know he's not. The chances are very slim that your future husband hasn't written you back because he's in the ER and his hands are broken so he can't text you. But we all know the chances are very high that you're making excuses, because that's what we women are socialized to do. How much time do you really have to waste on a stranger who hasn't even asked you out? We think time is infinite and it's not.

The best men in my life have always been consistent from day one. Consistency is a fundamental part of a person's character. I have never in my life seen an inconsistent man turn it around and become SuperHusbandMaterial.

I have, however, seen dozens of inconsistent men string women along, cheat, reveal themselves to be abusers, ghost, and all other kinds of fuckery.

cats_on_cats_ · 2021-11-16T07:44:23+00:00

Yeah, I value consistency. I think if you’re talking to a guy on hinge and he doesn’t get back to you within 24 hrs then he’s already moved on to someone else. Or just isn’t that interested. If you like someone and want to get to know them well, everyone has two minutes to spare. At some point in the day he’s gonna find himself on the toilet and he can definitely shoot you a text then.

Oh, if you met him IRL I’d say 24 hrs as well

Olympia43 · 2021-11-16T08:34:17+00:00

I would say 24 hours without any answer is the max. We all have our phone with us all the time. And if he really were busy, it still takes 20 secondes to send a quick text explaining why he is busy and when he will be available (which should also be within 24 hours)

LeastInjury8081 · 2021-11-16T07:52:15+00:00

I think it’s generally not a good idea to attach any weight whatsoever to any conversation on online dating, before you meet. They mean nothing at that point, and I think people frequently stop talking to the majority that they interact with.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-11-16T15:03:40+00:00

Sending a text takes the same effort as farting. If he wanted to, he would

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2021-11-16T12:35:34+00:00

I wasted years on a "too busy" guy who was cheating the whole time, and even he could call me back within 48 hours.

rideoffalone · 2021-11-16T08:53:12+00:00

You are quite generous. I usually give about 12 hours, if that.

saltandvin3gar · 2021-11-16T10:32:08+00:00

3 days is more than enough. I would have personally blocked and deleted after waiting 1 day. Also, I'd never give any man the benefit of the doubt, for any reason.

Mr_GarlicBread_ · 2021-11-16T15:20:29+00:00

My boyfriend does oral surgery all day and still finds the time to annoy the shit out of me lol. So multiple days? No way. He has to go to the bathroom at some point so if he wanted to, he would.

Remarkable-Ad-4758 · 2021-11-16T11:56:57+00:00

My ex was cardiac surgeon - he used to reply throughout the day. Bear in mind most male medics think they are the second coming because they are ‘doctors’ and they are socialised to believe they are the cream of the crop. I would have Low expectations and high standards with them.

europoor24 · 2021-11-16T08:30:09+00:00

You’ve never met IRL and he takes more then a day to reply (even that’s pushing it)? On to the next.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-11-16T13:51:11+00:00

2 days. A text message only takes a few seconds.

If he wanted to he would.

0tterpop · 2021-11-16T15:19:09+00:00

I have a friend who is a super successful, super busy, man and he's never made me wait more than 24 hours for a reply. Three days is excessively generous.

ETA: He has explicitly said that he makes it a point to return calls and text the same day because not doing so is rude.

VelvetKnuckleduster · 2021-11-16T14:49:03+00:00

Three days is too much. Even if he can't get into a conversation at that time, it takes 30 seconds to type out "I'm in the middle of X, I'll get back to you later". Leaving you hanging is just rude and it's a sign he's not really interested.

Replies should be same day, in my opinion. I tend to put my phone down and not look at it during the work day but it takes minimal effort to get back to someone when you're sitting down to eat or before you go to bed. If someone's really too busy to text back in a timely manner they're too busy to date at all.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-11-16T15:23:49+00:00

One week is too long. Grad school isn't outer space, he still have plenty of time to send a short text. He is playing games or isn't interested.If I don't hear from a guy within one day after the first day, I block and delete. Don't make excuses for them.

peaches88888 · 2021-11-16T16:38:59+00:00

I don’t use OLD, but when a man asks for my number I just don’t text back unless it’s to make plans. I check my phone constantly to see if my girlfriends have texted me (we talk all day about nothing). If a guy messages me for small talk ie “how’s your day going?” I don’t reply. These silly little conversations make him seem like one of my girlfriends. I only reply if he’s making plans or if he calls. Other than that, I’m not entertaining them.

Another reason why OLD is trash. Too many mind games, and it drives you crazy over someone you’ve never met and is probably a clown anyway.

theglossiernerd · 2021-11-16T20:50:00+00:00

If he wanted to he would. You can literally send a text while you’re pooping. Stop being delusional.

SyllabubQuiet2482 · 2021-11-16T10:56:27+00:00

I don’t recommend dating students, whether they’re in law school or medschool. Even ivy leaguers. Reason for this is because you don’t want to be the bob the builder. I never ever date a guy who is in progress unless he is rich and spoils me.

Also if you read redpill or asktrp they tell guys to delay response on purpose to manipulate. Of it you’re not his top option, he wouldn’t bother to reply early. If I were you, I’d mirror or take twice the time to reply, such as replying the next day to his next. Then when he seems like he’s hooked, I would ghost.

SupremeDearLeader · 2021-11-16T14:06:42+00:00

If he can take time to fap he can text for 2 seconds. He's not ready.

PrettyPancakePolice · 2021-11-16T15:30:09+00:00

I'm a busy career-oriented woman who has dated a lot of busy career-oriented people and if he wanted to get back to you, he would. It's easy to just give a fast reply. It's also not about having enough time, it's about how you priotitise it.

When I'm really busy and I have a lot of things planned ahead. I will tell the person who I'm dating and I will suggest when we actually can meet.

medusas_heiress · 2021-11-16T09:36:25+00:00

if he wanted to, he would. I personally wouldn‘t wait longer than 24hrs, probably not even that. Emergencies happen, but functioning adult people should be able to send a quick message that they‘re unavailable for a bit due to reasons.

cutiebranch · 2021-11-16T21:20:25+00:00

If he’s interested he will make time.

Even if he’s busy, he will tell you that in advance, not just stop replying

penkingduck · 2021-11-16T10:51:00+00:00

Get off OLD
Love isn't a game. Texting isn't a game. If you have to play, go back to highschool.
Don't project your goodness onto him, that's where you'll disappoint yourself and he learns that he never has to make up excuses.
Your last sentence doesn't fit with what you've written so for.

Think of it this way, if billionaires have time building spaceships, organizing pedophile rings and create high pressure toxic workplaces, men definitely have time and interest for at least one lady and the time and energy to text her timely.

maraslove · 2021-11-16T23:20:55+00:00

You’re more patient than me. I know the game now so I’ve unmatched or blocked very quickly because it was always the same thing. Having a great convo or talking a lot for two days and then radio silence. I see it as that false sense of closeness bullshit so I leave asap. They’re not busy, it’s just a loser ass game he’s playing. My opinion though.

idiosyncraticg1 · 2021-11-16T22:26:56+00:00

On OLD, I don’t care. There are so many of them that if he doesn’t respond within a day then I simply forget.

If you’re texting, I would wait 24 hours. From my experience, men who took longer than a full day to respond were not interested. I also lost interest because we would barely text.

lolmemberberries · 2021-11-16T23:48:39+00:00

Busy people make time for what matters to them. I wouldn't give it more than 24 hours.

StudentNo · 2021-11-17T01:20:36+00:00

Honestly if you have to think about it, and ask the question- then it’s too long. If he’s not making an effort to reply promptly, he’s not looking for anything serious. No one is too busy for a text. Block and delete.

I_know_right_AS_IF · 2021-11-16T18:23:00+00:00

If he wanted to, he would. I gave 24 hours before unmatching. If I said hi first, like on Bumble, I'd usually unmatch before the 24 hours were up if he didn't respond yet.

fireforestfairy · 2021-11-17T10:32:48+00:00

Within a day. If the guy is really into you, he will find some time to reply. Responding to someone's text takes a very short amount of time and people can do it during lunch breaks, dinner, or whatever. If he wanted to, he would.

Bitchkittenzz · 2021-11-17T13:41:02+00:00

Three days? They sit on the toilet at least once a day and browse the internet, you don’t think they have a single moment to send a check in text? Byeee

TigreImpossibile · 2021-11-17T13:54:39+00:00

I haven't read the other answers, but if I have actually met you and I text you and you don't reply that day, that means you're not interested. Life happens, people have busy days, I know, but if you REALLY like someone, you're going to be checking for them, checking for their messages... If you really like someone, you're excited to receive their messages and reply in kind, or otherwise wtf are we doing here? 🤔

If I get any kind of vibe that you're not totally into me, I phase that dude right out. If you're not eager and attentive, I pay you no attention.

As far as dating apps, I give them about a week to ask me out and if they don't, I unmatch. If he wanted to, he would. Or he has you in a rotation or a back up plan or he likes someone better... This is why I don't pay anyone attention that isn't attentive and eager, because I'm nobodies number 2 or a back up plan.

That said, I haven't dated all year, I have a very low tolerance for penis people and their nonsense 🤣

But when I do date, this is how I roll and it leaves very little room to get mucked around or worry about whether anyone likes you. Remember, you are doing the choosing, not them.

-positivity- · 2021-11-16T19:04:12+00:00

If he hasn’t responded to you within the same amount of time that you got back to him, it’s not a good sign. Besides, the goal of messaging men on OLD (and after meeting up) is for them to ask you out on a date. 5 maximum messages from you and if he hasn’t asked you out yet, you should move on.

skadiiis · 2021-11-17T01:18:27+00:00

If it's on an app or we havent met in person 24hrs is acceptable. If we've been talking for a while and there's been an indication that a relationship could form, I think 24hrs is generous. It takes literally 5 seconds to send a text. I had this problem in my last relationship and he ended up dumping me and I realized he had been future faking and wasn't invested in me, just what I provided when he felt like getting it. It was never that he was busy, he was on his phone all the time, but he would say things like "we don't need to text all the time" etc etc. To me this just indicates that you aren't a priority. I expect random messages throughout the day, checking in, etc when it becomes more serious. So anything over 24hrs when it's more casual is just not going to work because the behavior usually doesn't change long term. People are who they are.

jijitsu-princess · 2021-11-17T05:44:18+00:00

No.

First 2 sentences gave me all the info I need.

NEXT!

liberty_5-30000 · 2021-11-17T20:22:33+00:00

24 hrs. In the real polite world, when someone contacts you, you should respond with in 24 hrs. This goes for businesses as well as personal contact.

Answer I’m extremely busy but will talk to you soon, I’m extremely busy had a great time , but too busy for a relationship right now.

Business world thank you for your email etc. I’m working on your questions will get back to you in x number of days

If no response within 24 hours then not worth it.

Sorry

TikiTikiTata-chalala · 2021-11-18T02:28:19+00:00

Jesus, he can respond within a day. If I:m expected to reply to professional emails within 1 business day I can damn well respond in 24 hrs to friends

And he's definitely checking that app every damn day

ButterfliesHurricane · 2021-11-16T07:27:39+00:00

[permanently deleted]

cryptohobo · 2021-11-16T19:52:48+00:00

Speaking from personal experience, being with a busy career oriented man really sucks if you two don’t have the same expectations for how much connection/intimacy (I’m not talking sex) is adequate for you. After these expectations are set it’s prudent to standby and see if he keeps up. Any signs of “oh, something came up with work need to push the date back” is a huge warning sign that you’ll play second fiddle to his job. Now that’s fine if you can handle it and have a busy life of your own. But I must say that one too many times and it starts to sting and it’s better to walk away. Time is all we have really.

cryptohobo · 2021-11-16T19:56:07+00:00

Sorry I feel like I didn’t word that comment right. Basically there needs to be a shared compromise, not just you hanging around for his availability. I was with a professional man who worked at least 80 hours a week. Lovely heart but absolutely not worth it. If I could go back in time I’d tell myself not to waste my time waiting, and since I can’t I’m going to pass that along to you my beautiful sister. Don’t let this compound, on to the next!

Title	How long to wait for men to reply? (Busy career-oriented men)
Author	ctrlcutie
Upvotes	342
Comments	67
Date	November 16, 2021 6:41 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qv1nem/how_long_to_wait_for_men_to_reply_busy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-long-to-wait-for-men-to-reply-busy-career.1083837 https://theredarchive.com/post/1083837

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