I have noticed this now in at least three of my relationships. There is always an instance where in some incredibly random context they start to get unreasonably worked up, angry and start to really try to put me in my place.

Once because i told my boyfriend he should still wash salad that had been prepackaged. He said this is wrong and worked himself up until yelling. I told him to Google it but he refused saying he doesn't need verification he needs me to admit i am wrong.

Another bf and i were biking along a road and he said "this playground we saw on that one movie that was shot in this city". I said "no it was a different one". Again, I was 100% right on this. He pushed back relentlessly hard, starting to insult me. I said check it but he didn't want to. This spiraled into a huge argument.

My now boyfriend the other night felt insulted because i, at dinner and while making what i thought was lighthearted conversation, said something along the lines of some people being food crazed (me) and some people not being so interested in food (him). I actually meant it as a compliment. He said it's a bad insult and i have to apologize as this is objectively bad. I said "i m very very sorry i hurt your feelings i didn't want that at all" and he said this isn't the same as taking responsibility for my insult. Did i mention he continued on into a slur of disrespect and cursed me out like nothing i ever heard before after that? After i called him "not a foodie", he proceeded to tell me i am a liar, my job is fake (you're not even a real scientist (because i don't have a PhD yet)) and all kinds of heavy insults. He told me later he just wants me to roll on my back and submit and let him cool off because he's an angry guy and it pisses him off to no end i don't do it.

I am starting to get the feeling that i am not build for this shit. I can't back down when i know i am right. I just suck real had at that. I know i should maybe do it for the sake of the relationships but i get the impression that this is a power demonstration. They want me to back down to see if it's possible to put me in a corner? I don't know. Can you girls help me with this stuff? What do you do when this happens?

I feel like i would be much more inclined to "back down" if they wouldn't already build up such a level of violence. If there is perceived violence i start to defend myself because i have been abused a lot and i don't want it to happen again. I have to stand up for myself (is what I think).

EDIT: you girls are the most supportive community i can think of. This is why I posted here but you just show up over and over again. I am so touched and feel so much stronger. Love to all of you & wish you the absolute best!